3o meg[oe m3o f3mgo3 fm3o

1. 1
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,849
Welcome back, sir.
2
00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:25,325
Oh, Artemis,
3
00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,327
you wouldn't believe
what my customers
4
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:28,762
unloaded on me tonight.
5
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,265
Crappy marriages, crappy jobs,
6
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:33,767
crappy sports teams.
7
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,502
My ears are killin' me.
8
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,738
That's why the Confidential
is here,
9
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,106
to share your burden.
10
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,574
Just give me the usual, huh?
11
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,810
As if we served anything else.
12
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:50,817
To the Confidential,
13
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,288
the one bar where they listen
to the listeners.

2. 14
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:59,026
Come on. We got to get a seat
in the front row.
15
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:02,429
If anything flies off the stage,
I want to be in the Stain Zone.
16
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:04,898
I'm sorry, Krusty,
but there's no way
17
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:07,968
we can seat this audience until
we round up all the escaped,
18
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,070
you‐know‐whats.
19
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,709
Tough luck, kids.
The show's canceled.
20
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,746
I'm going down to the deli
to drown my sorrows in tongue.
21
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,752
What about this upside‐down
exclamation mark show?
22
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:28,522
Upside down is funny.
23
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:32,302
Desde Downtown Springfield,
24
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:35,262
es ¡Noches con Abejorrito!
25
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,864

3. ¡Y ahora El Hombre Abejorro!
26
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:44,104
¡No se duerman,
o les voy a picar!
27
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,008
Milhouse, you know Spanish.
What did he say?
28
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,177
Oh, it's a cultural thing.
29
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:53,480
You wouldn't get it. Estúpido.
30
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:57,117
Y luego, había un escorpión
en mis pantalones.
31
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:59,720
Pantalones.
32
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,991
¡Una visita de mi primito!
33
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:07,361
Eso significa
que es tiempo de jugar...
34
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,964
¡No... Te... 'splotes!
35
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,233
Presentado por la Monja Humilde,
36
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,268
la horchata más divina.
37
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:18,639
Hermanas,
traigame unos concursantes.

4. 38
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,310
¡Ay, caramba!
39
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,981
It's a game. They fill
your mouth with horchata,
40
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,584
and if you don't laugh,
you win a prize!
41
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:36,256
¡O, Bebito Abuelito!
42
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:43,263
¿Cuáles son las vacas
más perezosas?
43
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,999
¡Las vacaciones!
44
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,605
¡Nuestro ganador!
45
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,743
Pick your prize!
46
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:11,958
Grandpa Baby, this is the
easiest choice I've ever made.
47
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,761
Look what I won
on Spanish Krusty!
48
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:17,798
Oh, my God.
49
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,833
That is not
just any crystal skull.

5. 50
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,301
It's Calavera Gritando!
51
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,236
That tequila's so authentic
52
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,971
that it inspired George Clooney
53
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,941
to make his own
semi‐authentic tequila.
54
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,843
Wait, my skull is full of booze?
55
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,978
That's why it has a screw cap.
56
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,356
Bart, you've got
to give it to me.
57
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,415
I've always wanted to drink
something fancy enough
58
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,984
to come in a bottle
that doesn't look like a bottle.
59
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,120
Nah. I think I'm gonna save it.
60
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,254
For high school.
61
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,355
Come on. Gimme that!
62

6. 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,257
Bart won that skull
full of tequila.
63
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,760
He can do
whatever he wants with it,
64
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,395
except drink the tequila.
65
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,597
Sorry, Homer. Game, set, skull.
66
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,980
Coming up now,
we got a special dedication
67
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:09,482
to Homer S. from his son Bart.
68
00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:14,387
I like how there are no lyrics
to upset me.
69
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:20,960
<i>Tequila</i>
70
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,667
Isn't that your dad?
71
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,469
No.
72
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,611
I may not speak Spanish,
73
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:42,415
but I know when an imaginary
talking skull is mocking me.
74
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:04,270

7. Gentlemen,
I give you Calavera Gritando!
75
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,774
Whoa, a crystal skull.
76
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,376
Like from my least favorite
Indiana Jones movie
77
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:13,046
and most favorite
Shia LaBeouf movie.
78
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,014
Okay, this booze is so classy,
79
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:16,416
I'm finally breaking out
80
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,252
my commemorative Iran
hostage crisis shot glasses.
81
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,988
Look at these guys.
82
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,790
Now, those were hostages.
83
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:30,130
Hey, Moe, why don't you pour
yourself one for a change?
84
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:32,398
Me? Nah, nah, that's okay.
85
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:35,335
The pouring
is enough of a thrill.
86
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,971

8. Come on. You're
always on that side of the bar.
87
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,507
At least come over here
and take a load off.
88
00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:43,610
Well, maybe it
wouldn't hurt none.
89
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,013
So this is sittin'.
90
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,015
You know, Moe, all these years,
91
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,316
we've never seen you drink.
92
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:51,684
Well, you know, a bartender
93
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,391
ain't supposed to drink
with his regulars.
94
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:54,721
It's frowned upon.
95
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:55,622
By whom?
96
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,357
Not some secret society
97
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:59,325
that I go to every night
after closing time,
98
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:00,760
if that's what you're thinking.

9. 99
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:03,363
Look, I'm just the schlub
that pours the booze.
100
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:04,497
That's all.
101
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:07,133
Moe, you're not just
our bartender.
102
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,402
You're our friend.
103
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,371
Friend? You mean that?
104
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:14,807
Well, maybe it's just
my relaxed butt cheeks talking,
105
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,509
but down the hatch!
106
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,114
I haven't had anything
this expensive in my mouth
107
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,949
since my dad's gun.
108
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,885
Yeah. Go, Moe.
109
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,253
- Go, Moe.
- Now you got it.
110
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:41,134
I think you're pretty cool too,
skull.

10. 111
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,542
Oh, my head.
112
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,778
Oh, what a hangover.
113
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:57,050
Ah, that's actually
a little better.
114
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:00,787
Oh, no.
115
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:04,324
Oh, no! Last night's
all coming back to me.
116
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:22,742
Let's go show the world
how much fun it is
117
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,812
when drunk guys do stuff
in public!
118
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:27,547
Baba‐boo!
119
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,202
Excuse me, could you move?
120
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:52,505
My husband and I would like
to sit on this bench
121
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:55,975
and comment on how the elephant
seals are living the life.
122
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,678
It's the only joke

11. in our entire marriage.
123
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:02,915
Oh, that's not what I hear.
The real joke is that you two
124
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,484
haven't pushed
the ole twin beds together
125
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,353
since before the election.
126
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,955
Of Obama.
127
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,156
To the Senate!
128
00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:13,960
How'd you know
about their sexless marriage?
129
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:17,330
Oh, Mrs. Lovejoy blabbed
about it to her bartender,
130
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:18,631
who then told me.
131
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,733
Hey, wait,
you bartenders tell each other
132
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,636
the stuff we say
in drunken confidence?
133
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,237
Oh, we sure do.
134
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:26,739

12. Look what else I know.
135
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:30,776
You file your taxes
as one person.
136
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:34,480
You sell all your pets
each time you go on vacation.
137
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,182
Hey, you're two‐timing us
138
00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:38,851
by also being the mayor
of another town.
139
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:41,921
I swear,
Greenview means nothing to me.
140
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,990
Hey, I love hot goss
as much as the next guy,
141
00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:45,858
but maybe
you shouldn't be spilling
142
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:48,060
- people's secrets.
- Secrets.
143
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:51,263
You mean like you not asking
anyone out on a date in years
144
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:54,734
because you're ashamed
of your wet spaghetti arms?
145
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,069
What woman

13. could feel held by these?
146
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,903
Or how you keep yammering about
your million‐dollar invention?
147
00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:03,609
File the patent already,
you coward.
148
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,344
Or how 'bout Barney over here?
149
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:09,015
Always going on about
how much you love your mother,
150
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,484
but you haven't visited her
in years.
151
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,552
She still thinks
I work at Autozone.
152
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:18,691
I can't tell her they fired me
for huffing floormat cleaner!
153
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:24,830
Moe, you've officially gone
from fun drunk to mean drunk.
154
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,499
You judging me?
155
00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,367
You're the one who said
you're so scared
156
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:30,503
of being a lousy father
and husband

14. 157
00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:32,004
that you hide out at the bar
158
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,974
instead of going home
and actually tryin'.
159
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:40,713
You're worse than a mean drunk.
160
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,848
You're an honest drunk!
161
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,251
No! You guys are the drunks.
162
00:09:45,317 --> 00:09:48,120
I am just wasted.
163
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,989
Baba‐boo.
164
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:53,125
Okay, Moe.
165
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:55,928
You did what no bartender
ever should've done.
166
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:59,265
But maybe, just maybe,
they won't find out.
167
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,736
The Confidential.
168
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:04,904
They found out.
169
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:06,672

15. All right there, Kristof.
170
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:09,241
Time for me to answer
for my sins.
171
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:11,510
Lead the way.
172
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,146
Frickin' Kristof.
173
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,683
Yeah, so, I...
I got your rat.
174
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:20,386
Look, I know I screwed up,
but that...
175
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,066
Since time immemorial,
176
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,959
bartenders have been
the cornerstone of civilization,
177
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:29,428
an eternal guild of listeners.
178
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:31,097
And so a paradox...
179
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:34,100
for to whom could bartenders
confide their secrets?
180
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,969
Thus was born the Confidential,
181
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:41,006
a hidden society of those

16. who listen to the listeners.
182
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,710
But this institution
will crumble to dust
183
00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:47,046
if we do not obey
its first and only law...
184
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:50,316
A bartender keeps his secrets!
185
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:53,519
Look, Artemis, I know
I shouldn't have got wasted
186
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,321
and blabbed the unblabbable.
187
00:10:55,387 --> 00:10:59,358
It's just, for once, I wanted
to have a drink with my friends.
188
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:01,327
A bartender has no friends!
189
00:11:01,393 --> 00:11:04,530
Mr. Szyslak, your tab is closed.
190
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,931
Surrender your key, sir.
191
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,134
Well, them's the rules, I guess.
192
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,969
It was nice being part
of a place
193
00:11:10,035 --> 00:11:13,205
that was bigger than me

17. and also super weird.
194
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:14,540
What the...
195
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,943
The penalty for your offense is
far greater than mere expulsion.
196
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:21,280
Your friends,
your regulars are to be...
197
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,748
cut off.
198
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,719
Cut off?! No.
No, that's too horrible.
199
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,621
You can't do that to them!
200
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,923
You did this to them.
201
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,259
They have
until the clock strikes...
202
00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:35,828
happy hour.
203
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:39,165
Tick, tock, Mr. Szyslak.
Tick, tock.
204
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,267
Guys, you're all in danger!
You...
205
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,436

18. Oh, sorry. I've never been
in your office before.
206
00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:45,871
Any office, for that matter.
207
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:48,507
Yeesh. Now I get why
you all drink so much.
208
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,054
You've got a lot of nerve
coming here,
209
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,311
after what you said last night.
210
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,480
I know, I know,
but this is serious, okay?
211
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,448
Some very scary people are mad
212
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,517
for all that drunken blabbing
I did,
213
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:00,786
so you're being... cut off!
214
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,989
So what? You already lost us
as customers.
215
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,325
No, no, you don't get it.
Cut off.
216
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,793
There isn't much time,
217

19. 00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,795
but I'm gonna keep
being cagey about it.
218
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,697
Oh, wait a minute.
Where's Barney?
219
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,332
Barney doesn't work here.
220
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,100
Really?
Seems like he would.
221
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,503
Yeah, that would lead
to some good stories, all right.
222
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,605
Hurry, call him. Call him!
223
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,807
Fine.
224
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:26,278
Well, if it isn't
the meanest drunk in town.
225
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,347
Barn, it's happy hour.
226
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,916
You got to lock your doors
and windows right away!
227
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,953
During the best time of day
for ocean breezes?
228
00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:35,730
- Look out for the dapper gentleman!
- No dice.

20. 229
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,490
Damn vampire bats!
230
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:39,758
What the hell was that?
231
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,894
He's been injected
with Antibooze...
232
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:45,898
a drug that makes it
so he can never drink again.
233
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,167
Antibooze?
That stuff isn't real.
234
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,569
Oh, it's real, and
the side effects are horrible,
235
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,104
unthinkable!
236
00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:54,506
It starts with
a skull‐splitting headache.
237
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:02,715
Then you got
your firehose sweating.
238
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,118
Rhinoceros pox.
239
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:10,122
And finally, hurricane vomiting.
240
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,532
He's been cut off.

21. 241
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,401
And now they're coming for you.
242
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:26,272
If they catch ya, you can
never touch alcohol again.
243
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,706
No! No!
244
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:30,342
Wait. What about rum cakes
and other boozy desserts?
245
00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:31,877
Never again.
246
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:34,179
No!
247
00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:55,267
Run faster. Every bartender in
town is coming after youse guys.
248
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,804
All because I couldn't
keep my drunken trap shut!
249
00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:03,075
Well, how many bartenders
could there be in Springfield?
250
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:07,079
How many people in this town are
miserable at work and at home?
251
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,948
Oh, my God.
252
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,002
You guys, get out of here!

22. 253
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,705
I'll hold 'em off... with this.
254
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,921
He's like a ninja
with that crotch rag.
255
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:51,256
That disgusting towel is a blur!
256
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,470
This is no way to live.
257
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:06,538
Hunted.
Hunted like dinosaurs.
258
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,607
What are we supposed to do now?
259
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,209
If you ever want to drink again,
260
00:15:10,275 --> 00:15:12,678
all you can do is get
on the next bus out of town
261
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,213
and never stop running.
262
00:15:14,279 --> 00:15:15,948
Sounds like a plan.
263
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:27,826
Those poor bastards.
264
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,962
I must keen for them.
265
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,534

23. Forget it, Homer.
266
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,903
They're non‐drinkers now.
267
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,740
Marge, pack what you need
and choose one kid.
268
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,442
We're leaving
Springfield forever.
269
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,444
That's ridiculous, Homie.
270
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,312
Look who dropped by for dinner.
271
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:48,747
Hello, Homer.
272
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,749
Dad, Dr. Hibbert was just
telling us
273
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,885
how he worked his way
through medical school.
274
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:55,854
I think you'd be interested
to hear how I did it.
275
00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:58,824
- I would?
- Bartending.
276
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,034
Who wants mushroom caps?
277
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:12,204

24. I'm so sorry, Homer.
278
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:15,074
And Midge, your husband
can never drink again,
279
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,242
and it's all because of me.
280
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:24,349
Good morning, family.
281
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,621
You sure I can't make you
some oatmeal with blueberries?
282
00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:32,057
Not today, honey.
I promised to pick up coffee
283
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:35,094
for everyone on my team
to celebrate our record numbers.
284
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,864
You are so much more of a
go‐getter since your promotion.
285
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,500
I love this new, sober you.
286
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,670
And I love any version of you.
287
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:48,507
Get a room!
288
00:16:48,573 --> 00:16:51,476
Bart, I haven't forgotten about
your skateboard competition.
289
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:53,011

25. And don't worry, Lisa.
290
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,546
It'll be over in plenty of time
291
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:57,416
for me to be front
and center at your recital.
292
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:04,689
Well, off to the salt mines.
293
00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:11,062
Well, this is a coincidence.
294
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:14,533
I haven't seen you guys
since, you know.
295
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:17,636
Geez, it would've had
to have been the syringings?
296
00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:21,106
Yeah, finally got in shape.
Not drinking all day every day
297
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,442
really freed up a lot of time
for me to work out.
298
00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:27,279
And as soon as I filed my
patent, my start‐up got funded.
299
00:17:27,345 --> 00:17:30,849
Soon, everyone in America
will have their own personal
300
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:33,084
body‐hair‐shaving mini robot.
301

26. 00:17:33,151 --> 00:17:34,719
That's you?
302
00:17:34,786 --> 00:17:36,721
I love my Groomba!
303
00:17:38,423 --> 00:17:40,859
And I got my job back
at Autozone,
304
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,861
so I could finally face my ma.
305
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:46,832
He holds the big arrow
that says Autozone.
306
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,000
Yeah, I guess
we're all doing pretty well.
307
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,635
You know who I heard ain't?
308
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,704
A certain bartender.
309
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:54,739
You won't believe
how low he's sunk.
310
00:17:54,806 --> 00:17:57,008
It would be nice
to laugh at someone
311
00:17:57,075 --> 00:17:59,978
living their lowest moment.
312
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:06,317
I asked for the ham
in my omelet to be diced.
313

27. 00:18:06,384 --> 00:18:08,319
This ham is clearly cubed.
314
00:18:08,386 --> 00:18:11,156
Yes, ma'am.
Right away, ma'am.
315
00:18:11,222 --> 00:18:13,158
You flipped my omelet too high
in the air,
316
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:15,193
and it got cold on the descent.
317
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,263
My mistake, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
318
00:18:21,299 --> 00:18:24,702
I wanted to see him low,
but not eggs‐on‐demand low.
319
00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:28,706
I bet he doesn't even have
a shotgun under that bar.
320
00:18:29,841 --> 00:18:32,777
Get out of here.
You can't see me like this.
321
00:18:32,844 --> 00:18:37,415
Slingin' eggs in a well‐lit,
non‐dank environment.
322
00:18:43,087 --> 00:18:45,290
I can't believe I'm saying this.
323
00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:47,058
We're all saying it.
324
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,060
Even though
we can never drink again,

28. 325
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,297
we still want you
as our bartender.
326
00:18:52,363 --> 00:18:54,299
You... You mean it?
327
00:18:54,365 --> 00:18:55,967
- Yeah.
- We do.
328
00:18:56,034 --> 00:19:00,939
From now on, you can spray
your own pans, America!
329
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,281
There you go, fellas.
Bottoms up.
330
00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:13,251
To Moe, our friend.
331
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:15,787
Nah, nah, guys.
I'm something better.
332
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,322
Your bartender.
333
00:19:17,388 --> 00:19:19,424
Who knew
you could drink water in a bar?
334
00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:21,426
It's still watered down.
335
00:19:21,492 --> 00:19:23,761
Good one, Moe.
336
00:19:27,031 --> 00:19:29,701
Well, I have never seen

29. such a perfect distillation
337
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:31,502
of the human spirit.
338
00:19:31,569 --> 00:19:34,873
A cocktail of humility
and self‐sacrifice
339
00:19:34,939 --> 00:19:37,108
with a dash of un‐bitters.
340
00:19:38,476 --> 00:19:40,778
Whoa, Artemis.
What are you doing here?
341
00:19:40,845 --> 00:19:44,115
Such loyalty to a bartender
deserves a reward.
342
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:46,751
The antidote to Antibooze.
343
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,655
Now, think carefully, chaps.
344
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:55,360
Once injected, you will lose
all the benefits of sobriety.
345
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:03,401
Go away, Ma.
346
00:20:08,239 --> 00:20:10,775
I'm sorry. I can't go back.
347
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:14,045
Sobriety has made me the man
I never thought I'd be.
348
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:16,648
Now I'm going home to my family.

30. 349
00:20:51,983 --> 00:20:54,352
Hey, Bart, isn't that
your stupid crystal skull?
350
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,654
Wasn't stupid.
It was my best friend.