2. 2
This book is written in the memory of both my grandmothers: Lillian Chaffee (Brake) and Margot
Marguerite Gary (Bonnefoy); both women taught me the importance of my roots and to stand tall
where everIam planted.MyfatherJohnBonnefoywhotreasuredhisowntime andstoriesof histime in
northern Manitoba.
I would also like to thank the people of the Beaufort Delta for opening their homes and hearts to me-
God bless you all for without our shared time this book would not have been written.
To my son Austin Bonnefoy Tate who inspired this book and from letters and postcards back to the
Yukonthisbook wasformed,supplementedwithdiaryentrees of inner dialogues during my stay in the
Canadian Arctic.
To my daughter Alison Travill, my mother and my sisters my friends of Yukon and the North West
Territories....massi foryourbeingpartof my life of WONDER.Withoutthatkeyingredientlife isnotlived
at all.
I wrote poetry as a youth and slipped them in periodically through- out my story My Yukon Arctic
Passage.
I was inspired by the writings of women: KIT MINOR, Learning from the Traditional Healing Wisdom of
the Canadian Inuit(Fernwood Publishing Halifax; April 1992) and WANDA TOLBOOMwho authored the
book Artic Bride (The Ryerson Press, Toronto 1956). Ms. Talboom was our summer neighbour in
KelwoodManitoba.She encouragedme withacup of tea to listen to her adventures in Canada’s north.
Names were changed in this book and I delayed the circulation of the book for publication to ensure
privacy and confidentiality to all those who I depicted in my narrative.
All rights reserved by Bonnefoy Organizational Consulting/Bonnefoy Inc. Yukon.
3. 3
Contents
Chapter
1. Sojourn
2. Where do you come from? Is it the Sun or the Moon
3. Nobody’s Home
4. Surface, Relax and Breathe
5. The Little People
6. Withdrawal
7. Blowing out the Candles
8. The Christmas Gift Bingo
9. AJUNNAMAT
4. 4
And slowly answer’d Arthur from the barge
The Old Order changeth, yielding place to the
new
And God fulfills Himself in many ways
Lest one good custom should corrupt the world
Comfort thyself; what comfort is in me?
I have lived myself, and that which I have done
May He within Himself make pure
But thou
If thou shoulds’t never see my face again
Pray for my soul, for more things
Are wrought by prayer
Thank this world dream, Lord Alfred Tennyson
5. 5
Chapter One
Sojourn
I am certainlyconfidentof acouple of things. I am confidentthatIam breathingandI am confidentin
my abilitytoendure all things.Perhapsmysorrow isnothingotherthana new layerof acceptance and
the awakeningfrommylull.
I grieve the companionshipof mysonAustin.Isharedwithhimbefore leavingourhome inWhitehorse,
Yukonthat I am finalizingthe divorce betweenhisfatherandmyself.He toldme thathe knew aboutthe
divorce andthat he acceptedit butwhywas I goingaway towork again? I am unconventional andIhave
made choicesoutof necessity.Ibitmy tongue anddidnot share withmy childthatI had no choice but
to leave soas I couldpay forthe divorce as all costs were attributedtome.
The livingarrangementwillbe difficultforAustinwhile Iamgone.Duringmy contract as a mental health
coordinatorinthe Arctic, Austinwill spendtwoweekswithme andthenthree weekswithhisfatherand
hisgirlfriend.He willbe withhisfatherlongerduringmyfirstturnaroundin the Northbecause I am
scheduledtobe awayfor five weeksandwill returntoWhitehorse fornine days.
It isnot justthe moneythat bringsme to the Arctic; I love the ideaof beingpartof a groupdesigninga
communitygeneratedmental healthcurriculum.Iamdevotedtomywork and althoughIam passionate
aboutthe studyof lawI fail to see the applicationof itinour court systemsof Canada.
I use to be more enthusiasticabouttravellingbutnow Ifeel anestrangementthatIdidnothave when
anticipatingthisjourney.Mysonwill change inthe yearand althoughthe custodyarrangementissuch
that he is notalwaysinmy care there isa longingforthingsto be different,andthere are thingsthatI
cannot change and thingsIwishto say thatmust remainunsaid. Iwill change inthe yearthat will pass
and no doubtsowill he;thatis my awakening.Ifearthatthe distance will challenge usasAustindoes
not willinglyshare histhoughtswithme.The passive withdrawalof hisembrace leavesme grievingasI
sort my boxesandre-establishmyconvictiontoleave.
May 23
There belowstretchinginall directionswasavast flatness.ThisflatnesstwiggedarealizationthatIwas
ridingmyway yetagainto an unknownstoryand Territory.Althoughitisthe third weekof May,the
earthbelowis still blanketedinsnow- smallpatchesof soil androckspillingthrough.
Swaddlingmyself inasecondairline blanket,Istoppedshakingmomentarilytoreflectonmychosen
travelingattire.Mythree piece linedwool suit,starchedwhite shirtandmyBlackCat steel toedboots
were a sharp contrast to the fur linedwinterparkassurroundingme.Ituckedmychatteringchin
beneaththe blanketandimaginedthe thoughtsof myarctic grownfellow passengers.Icouldhearnow
the conversationbeingservedover caribou stew intrue G’witchenFirst Nationsstyle,“Yeah and then in
the frontof the planelook’in really funny and shaking alloverwasthis white woman.Idunno if she
thoughtshewaslooking fancy in her suit-surelooked cold to me”
6. 6
I am not exactlywhyIhad imaginedthatthistripto Inuvikwouldbe acontinuationof the familiar.This
inno way reflectedthe familiar.Thiswasunpredictable anddaunting.Ireachedformycigarettes.
We hadfinallylandedinInuvik.Wipingaside the tearsthatwere collectinginmyeyes,Iwatchedas
elevencardboardboxeswithmyname andfinal destinationwere unloadedontothe frozentarmac.A
heavymanwitha pulsatingredface heavedthemintoacubicvan andspedtowardsthe terminal.
I glancedaboutfor myfuture supervisor.Since therewasnoone rushingtowardsme witha greeting
sign;I wanderedovertothe restaurant nexttothe airportlobby andlita smoke.Iwatchedinsilence
looking in as familyandfriendsgreetedthe otherpassengersthathadbeenonboard.
One and a half hoursearlierIhad beensittinglookingoutthe window of the OldCrow,Yukonairport.
OldCrow waswindyandverycold.There had beena youngwomanreturningfromamaternitystayin
Whitehorse.She hadbroughtherfive yearolddaughtertwogoldfishina bowl.The fishrode inthe
frontof the plane withthe carry- on baggage and freight.Extendedfamily were inthe airportgathered
roundthe little girl andherfish.Theywere all tellingfishstoriesfromtheirownchildhood.
I startedthinkingaboutmom’sgoldfish–she relayedthe storythattheybroke the ice off the top of the
bowl whenshe wasa kid,everymorninginthe wintermonths.Eventhe fishinbowlsare aheartybreed
inNewfoundland. NewfoundlandersthatIhave metthrough -outmy adultlife have remindedme of
the traits I have foundcommoninFirstNationspeople generally.Both groupshave greatlove and
respectforchildren,theylove storytellingandsmall communitylivingandintelligence isnotmeasured
by the size of communityyoucome from.
My fifthcigarette justoutIliftedmyheadto see a thinmanapproach…. nervouslyextendinghishand.
“Linda,welcome to Inuvik.I amPeter Smith fromtheInuvikRegionalHospital- I am here to pick you up,”
he said.
The no smokingsignonthe dash of the van didnot discourage aninquiry;evenasI knew thatI was not
permittedtolightupina governmentvehicle.Iwonderedhow manysmokersadheredtothe restriction
whentravellingalone.Mytourof the pastel paintedtown,mychauffeursdroning voice,andthe shock
of the isolationall increasedmyneedtochainsmoke.
EverybuildinginInuvikisbuiltabove groundbecause of the permafrost.Ididn’tknow that. Iwondered
whythe stiltsdidnot sinkor cause the buildingstoshift,butIdecided thatif IaskedPeteritwould
prolongthe tour,so I justnoddedandavertedmyeyeswhile we bouncedoverthe bumpyroads.The
sewage isalsoabove the ground.Bothsewage andwaterpipesare boxedinandinsulatedagainstthe
winter’scold.Itiscalled the utilidorsystem.
The tour of the towncompleted,Peterledme now throughthe hospital tour.WithspeedyefficiencyI
was acquaintedwithamere hundredpeopleorso.We completedthe touratmy office.Mysupervisor
suggestedthatItake the restof the day off to settle andgetbetteracquaintedwiththe lay- outof the
hospital.MyproblemisthatI don’twant to settle in,Iwantto go home.I walkedintomyassignedoffice
and quietlyclosedthe door.
Later, I boughta stack of postcards at the NorthernStore.Italkedto Austinonthe telephonetonight
and he seemedsofaraway.I feel trapped.Eachday I have resolvedtowrite Austinof myArctic
experiences.“Itwon’tbelong sweetheartI assurehim”, silence.“Okay momIgotto go,”Austinsays.I
7. 7
try to thinkof somethingexcitingtosayto lengthenourconversation.“Alrightson,Iwill call you
tomorrow.”The wordscaughtin mythroat. I cannotswallow.Iam barelybreathing.Austin’svoice and
image lingeronmymind.
I pull outthe stack of postcardsand beginrecountingmyday:
DearAustin,
Todayismy firstdayinInuvik.Iboughtthis postcardwithamapoftheterritorysothatyouareableto
seewhereIaminrelationtoyourworld.Theflightisactuallytwohoursandfortyfive minutesfrom
Whitehorse.TodaywestoppedinDawsonandoldCrow.DawsonwassunnyandwarmandoldCrow
waswindyandcold.Iwasgoingtowalkdowntothe McKenzieRiverthiseveningbutIthinkthatI’ll
justhaveabathandturninearly.Iloveyouandthinkofyou allthedaythrough. Abig hugoverthe
mountain topsandIwillwriteagainsoon.
LoveMomxxoo
May 25th
DearAustin,
Wellwhatdoyouthink? Thereisatowerabout5kmfromtownthatIclimbeduptodayandsawthe
MackenzieRiverDeltaandallthelittlelakessurroundingInuvik.InuvikisCanada’slargesttownnorth
oftheArctic Circlesituatedat68degreeslatitudewithapopulationofabout3200.Itwasahotdayso
many peoplefromtownwerecookingoverpits.Thesmellofthewoodsmokefloodedmewith
memoriesoftheYukonwhenwewouldgoto thelook outwith Michael.Haveyoubeentothelookout
since?IfnotwewillgowhenIreturn.Iwillgetmyphonehookedupthisweek,butbecauseIm
travellingsomuchI’llhavetocallyou.I’llbuyyouasouvenirt-shirtfromhere.TheonesIreallylikeare
madeforchildrenandsinceyouareabigboyI’llgetyouabaggyonelikeallthekidswearhere.Iloveyou
andmissyoulots!
LoveMomxxoo
My workweekhascome to an end and I am passingmyfirstSaturdayhere alone.Todaythe rain poured
relentlesslytill lateafternoonbutdespite itIwentfora walk.Ididn’tendeavourthe bighike asplanned
but perhapstomorrow,if the weatherisclear. Imissmy hikeswithAustin.Imiss holdinghishandand
watchingas hiseyestrace the landscape andsky like somehowtheyare absorbed,capturedbysightand
8. 8
tuckeddowninhissoul. WhenAustinwasthree weeksoldhe wasonhisfirstcanoe trip downthe Yukon
River.Ithinkhe will grow to findsolace inwide openspaces,perchedonmountaintopshopefullywith
another’shandto holdas he toldme that now he istoo oldto have me holdhishand. The onsetof
pubertycreatesa chasmas great as the physical distance we now share.
The woman two doorsdown the hall leftherhusbandbackinOntarioto sell theirhouse amonthand a
half ago. She tellsme she hasn’twrittenone letter.She saystheytalkonthe phone maybe five minutes
a day. I do notunderstandthat. I am certainlynotthe foremostexpertonrelationshipbuthow isitthat
once people are marrieditbecomesmore of a businesscontractthenanarrangementof the heart? I am
certainthat before the house andbefore the bigmove tothe arctic and perhapsverylongtime ago
there wasa time inthe relationshipbetweenthiswomanandherhusbandthattheywouldhangon
everywordthe othersaidor there was a desire nevertogetoutof bed.I stoodmaybe staringtoolong
and withoutfindinganythingtosayabouttheirarrangementexcusedmyself andwandereddownthe
hall insearch of a distraction.
Many of the people Iworkwithinthe hospital are well educatedbutseememotionallydetached. They
shuffle pastintheirgownsandwiththeircartsfor bloodpressure testing.Perhapsthisisasurvival
mechanismbecause theycan’taffordtobecome emotionallychargedandinvolvedwiththeirpatients.
Comparativelymainstreammedical providersare verydifferentthanthe healersandmedicineteachers
I have workedwith.IguesswhatI am tryingto say isthere isa markeddifference inapproach.Thisis
not meantto be critical but the difference isglaring.The patientsseemtoresponddifferentlyaswell.
Theyseemdisengaged,resignedandnotexactlyonthe seatof hopeful.There isnocontrast.There isa
silence thatisbrokenonlywhenanewpatientsname iscalledoutonthe loudspeakerandtheyshuffle
throughthe door withthe circularwindow andtheydisappearintothe voidof the examinationroom.
Today inthe cafeteriathe woman doctorand practicumnursesfrommaternityjoinedmytable.Inavery
mechanical waytheydiscussedthe difficultbirthdeliveryof ayoungwoman.She hadbeencircumcised
accordingto the customof her homeland.Whenafemale reachespubertyIamtoldshe is circumcised
and stitchedupleavinganareathe circumference of the doctorsbabyfinger.Uponthe day of her
marriage the husbandhas the pleasure of forcedentry.Birthingforthese womenisverydifficult
resultinginseconddegree tearing.
Thisdiscussionwasheldthroughlunch.The medical staff seemedtototallynormalize the trauma,and
none noticedthatmy lunchwentuntouched,orthatI was nolongerbreathing.Iregainedmybearings
as theirchairsscreechedonthe tile flooring.The nurse who hadbeenseatedtomyrightleanedover,
herbreath hoton my face “We’ll see you fordinner.”I don’t committoany furtherengagements.Iforce
myself toblinkand fromdeepinside Ihearavoice say “I don’tthinkso!”I returnto my office and
mentally processwhatIhave heard.
May 28th
I justreturnedfromwalkingdownthe rivertoBootLake. Itis calledBootLake because itis shapedlike a
boot;such an original concept.Anywaythe riverswelledandfloodedthe dirtpathsoI’ll continue my
explorationsof mynatural surroundingsonanotherday.The sunis outagain and itis veryhot.My day is
creepingbyveryslowly.Ihave beenchainsmokingandspeedwalkingthe trails,pathsandwalkwaysof
Inuvik.
9. 9
I’msortingthroughall of my papersandI’ll be bringingbacka couple of boxeswithme inJune to
Whitehorse.Catlyn,the womanI’ll be livingwithseemsprettyconservative.Iguessforeighttotendays
a monthI can handle it.She isa nonsmokerso I will have tosmoke outside.
Catlyngoesto bedat 10:00pm andhas toldme that she wouldpreferthatI go to bedat that time tooas
she wantsno noise inthe house or anyone movingaroundinthe house whileshe issleeping.Ichewmy
gum inthe absence of a cigarette and nodmy headinagreement.A friendof Catlynwasinthe living
room whenIarrivedto bringmoneytorent the room.The womanwasnot introduced.She looked
bewilderedandhasa verytoughappearance toher and I have a distinctfeelingthatshe does notwant
me livingwithCatlyn. There istensioninthe roomwhichlingerssoIexcuse myself fromthe unspoken
conversationandstartto haul my boxesintothe bedroomupstairs.
May 30th
I am no furtherahead of unpackingandI am thinkingthatI shouldgetupand make orderout of the
boxesof paperstackedagainstthe walls.Iwas outfor a walkearlierandmetup withsome of my
colleagues;theyinvitedme togodrinkingat the bar withthembutI declined.AftermyworkoutI
walkeddowntothe McKenzie River,itisbrownandit seemstowinditself awaytonothingagainstthe
arctic landscape andgray sky.
I don’tthinkI have eversmelledairsoclean.I thoughtthe air inthe Yukonsmelledsofreshbutthe air
here isexhilarating.
The ferryservice startsnextweek.Everyoneisexcitedaboutthis.There isalot of talkabout what
people are havingshippedin.Iguessthe fruittruckthat comesfrom BritishColumbiaeverythree weeks
isa reallybigtreat.I foundmyself thinkinghow itmusthave beeninDawsonat the turn of the century
whenthe ice finallybroke andthe paddle wheelerswereexpectedin.
Inuvikisandis notwhat I expected.There are numerousplacestoshop.Youcan get prettymuch
anythingthatyou can getin Whitehorse.Inuvikisthe Meccaof the 68 parallel.There is bookstore,
hardware store,three giftshops,afurniture shop,afloristandabouttwelve placestoeat,a sporting
goodsstore and a couple of videooutlets.The libraryisonthe otherside of townand I expecttogo
there onSaturday.The visitorreceptionopensnextweeksoIintendtospendanafternoonmulling
aroundin there.
I am tryingnot to be lonelyandItry not to compare my life withothers.Ihave myjournalswithme and
I will burythemunderall of my paperwork.I have an unusual life.Itravel.Iwrite mythoughts.Irarely
share my thoughtswithotherscandidlyunlesstheyare travellers.The mostgenuine conversationsI
have had inmy life have beenwithstrangers.People whotravel alone oftenare more self- analytical
and lessinclinedtobe satisfiedwithtriviaandfittingin.TodayIam yearningfora conventionallifebut
my circumstances,mylivingarrangements,myemploymentandmyacquaintancesare all new ina land
unfamiliar.
I am learningsome of the language here andthe pronunciationsinukshukmeansalandmarkandkikkaq
(kikkak) isabone on whichthere ismeatlefttochew.
DearAustin,
10. 10
Ijusthadawonderfulexperience.Iwaswalkingdownthestreettogetthispostcardandalittleboyof
aboutthreeyearsoldranuptomeandgavemeabighug.Hismotherjustlaughedandapologizedforhis
behaviour.Ithoughtit wassocomforting.Ineededthathug.
Isentyourpresentsyesterdayandunlikeletterswhichgobyplane,itisaboxthatgoesbytruck,so itwill
takeabouttwo weekstoarrive.IhavecompletelymovedinwithmynewroommateCatlyn.Iwas
stayingat anapartmentinthehospitalforvisitingstaffbutnowamentirelyrelocated.Mytelephone
willbehookedupnext weekbutI’llbeinPaulatuk soIwillhavetocallyouAustin.Imissyousomuch.
Pleasewriteanddrawmepicturesofwhatyouaredoing.LotsofloveMomxoxox
It isFridaynightand it isso hothere in Inuvik.Ididn’treallywanttocome inside butI’ve alreadywent
for three walksanditsgettinglate.Here the sunneveractuallygoesdownitjustmakesa bigcircle in
the sky andit stayslightand warmat midnightasitisat noon.
There are boldposterseverywhere,warningchildrentostayaway fromthe foxes.Manyfoxesuphere
have rabies.Theycome intotownand fightandbite dogsand thenthe infecteddogsturnaroundand
bite the people.WhenIgodownto the riverI carry a bigstick- justincase.
It is10:30 and there are still lotsof childrenoutplaying.Iwastoldthat nextyearthere isgoingto be
fourkindergartenclassesbecausethere are somanychildren.
Everyone isdelightedthatthe leavescame outonthe treestoday.There are lakeseverywhere around
here withgoodfishingsoIsuspectthe townwill emptyouttomorrow andheadfor the country.
13. 13
Aswell,Iknowyouareridingyourbikenowthat thedaysaresunny.Don’t forgetyourhelmet,rideon
thesideoftheroad,andslowdownandlookbehindandaroundyou beforeyoucrossthestreet.Inthe
summersomanypeoplethinkthey candrivetheirvehiclesfaster,sothatmeansyoumustbevery
cautious.RememberwhatI’vetoldyouasIwantyoutogrowuphealthyandstrong.Iwantyou to
grownupto respectyourself sothatyoucangrowuptorespectothers.
WhenIreturnwecangofishingandbuildacampfire.Haveyoubeenouttothehouse?Howbigarethe
kittens?Iwillletyou playaroundalltheoldcarsandtrucksinthebackfieldifyouarecarefulofthe
brokenglass.IloveyousweetheartandIknowthatyousometimesdo notthink IdobecauseIhavegone
awayagainbutIdoloveyou….Iloveyouasbigasthesky.Itwon’t belonguntil Iseeyouagain.Imissyou
my son.ImissyouandI’llwriteagainsoon.
LoveMomxxoo
My apartmentinthe nursingstationoverlooksthe frozenBeaufortSea.Iamso veryfar away from
home.God blessme.
I have justthoughtof somethingreallyfunny.Ihadjustgot off the plane whenIwasinformedbythe
youngwomandoctor,who wasanxiously fumblingforherplane ticketinhercoat pocketthat there
were three clientswaitingforme atthe nursingstation.Ihadseenherin the hospital andat the gym in
Inuvik.
She gave me the lowdownonPaulatuk;the great placestohike andsite seeingphotoopportunities.
Thenshe stopsher excessive chatter- pausesandasksina strainedvoice, “So how long areyou staying
for?”
Meanwhile slidinguptomy rightis Bee Lee the newlypostedsocial workerforthe community.Herterm
isone year. I tell herI’mhere forone weekandthenI returnto InuvikandthenontoSachs Harbour.
“Samerun asI have,”she says reflectively.Findingherticketafternervouslysearchingforitthen
continues,“Oh a week,a weekhere is greatbutyou wouldn’twantto stay longeryou would go crazy.”
Bee Lee’s eyesopenverywide.A worrisome lookspansherface andinherthickMalaysianaccent
queries, “Hey why you say that?Idon’tlike to hear that!”
The doctor turns to Bee Lee andsays “Well how longare youstaying?”
Bee Lee repliesinashakenvoice,“Oneyear,”hereyesbeggingforafurtherexplanation.
The doctor shrugs,proceedstowalkthe tarmac to the plane,pausesandcallsoverhershoulder I’msure
you will be okay.”
Bee Lee turnsto me forreassurance.Istare blanklyasI too hadjuststeppedoff the plane and
wonderedwhatshe meant.Iofferednoassurances.Isuppose Icouldhave butdidn’t.We walkedin
14. 14
silence tothe fourwheelersthatwere awaitingusforourfinal destinationthe nursingstationof
Paulatuk.
Thiswas the secondcomical incidentof myday.The firstincidenthappenedbeforeleavingPaulatuk
whichwarrantssharing.
The hospital isgoingto be replacedbya biggermore technicallyadvancedone overthe nextfouryears.
The InuvikRegional Hospital boardbroughtupthisengineerfromthe southhisname isKeith.Keithis
approximately90 poundsandaround5’10 (youknow the kindof bodytype that traditionallyusedtosell
muscle buildingproteinpowder).Keithlookslike JohnLennonanddressesinverywrinklyclothingfor
hisjob.Behindhis backI have overheard the locals saythe birdsare goingto pickhim upand flyaway
withhim.He conjuresimagesof the guyfrom the crypt.
So anywayeveryone ishavingdinnerinthe hospital cafeteria –all of us misfitswho have nohome and
no one to have dinnerwith.Inthe eveningsratherthango to the bar we have dinnerandshare
antidotesof ourworkingday.I alwaysinvite Keithtoourtable althoughhe isnot technically a hospital
employee.Inote asI studyKeiths’disposition thathe isabsorbedinthoughtandis lookingalittle more
stressedthanusual.
I gently sayto himbecause noone else seemstonotice orfor all that muchseemto care how the
engineerisdoingtoday,...Isay,“Boy Keith it lookslike you havehad a hard day!”
Nowat thispointbecause the conversationhadbeendirectedawayfromthe usual hospital patient
shoptalk there hungcaughtin a momentof silence...thequestion.All eyesturnedtoKeithwaitingfor
himto explainwhyhe hadsucha downcastforlorndisposition.
Keithsortof mumblesoutinthe mostmonotone way, “Well so they give me my office today and Iam
cleaning out thefile cabinetand I realized as I wascrumpling up these files thatmy officewasused as
the morguein 1972.”
God we didn’tintend to,butwe all burst outlaughingspontaneouslybecause itseemedsofittingthat
the guy fromthe crypt wouldhave an office thatusedtobe a morgue.He furtherexplainedthathe was
afraidthiscouldbe a signor something.
We all stoppedlaughingand there musthave beenabitof superstitioninall because we quietly
ponderedthe possibilitythathisconcernsjustmightbe legitimate.
So thismorningIhad to borrowa camerafrom Keithtotake withme to Paulatuk.Itook a quickstop by
hisoffice to see if I couldfeel anyweirdvibes. Sure enough,Isatfortwo minutesandthe roomfelt
really supercreepy! Ijumpedup,munchingall the while onmycrunchyegg (withshells) saladsandwich
fromthe cafeteriaandsaid, “God Keith it feels really creepy in here”
Notwantingto linger,Isnatchedupthe camera and steppedoutthe doorto finishourconversation.
The desksomehowlookedoversizedandKeithlookedexaggeratedlyevenmore skinny.The hall light
reflectedoff hisglassesontothe morgue filingcabinet. “Great,”he saidwearily.
Well that’sitfor funnystories.It’slate,itmustbe around3:00am and there are people roamingaround
outside.Iwantto call downand say youare luckyto have someone totalkto andlaughwith,butI
don’t…Isitlightanothercigarette andthinkandthinkand think.
15. 15
WhenI calledmysisterMarlene earlierthisevening,herhusbandDannysaidwithalittle chuckle,“Its
like you’redoing a jail term butgetting paid to do it.”
His chuckle boomedintothatlonely vulnerablespot,remindingme of myisolation.ThenasIalwaysdo I
self talkmyself withpositive wordsof encouragementandletthe negative driftaway.
I missAustinsomuch.I struggle withthe double standards.Itisnatural formento leave theirchildren
for the pursuitof work,but whenwomenleaveitisneglect.Igetsooverwhelmedwithguiltfornot
beingthere forhim.Ido not knowwhatelse Icouldhave done short of workingforanothernot for
profitgroupand for verylittle money.
My eyes are startingto burn.The air has a saltysmell toit.The voicesbeneathmywindow have gone to
bed.
loner: n. Informalapersonwhoisor preferstobe alone;one wholivesorworksalone: thelonerswho
likes to listen to music in solitude, the professional loner. 2an independentperson: a politicalloner b.a
person who remainsto himself , especially in opinions
On mywalktoday I builtaninukshuk(landmark).In longtime agostoneswere piledhighoneachother
so that the Inumaruit(the real orgenuine orthree people) wouldnotloosetheirway. Itisa customstill
usedtodayto landmarkthe WAY.
I sat on the cold windswepthill forthe betterpartof an hour lookingatPaulatukinthe distance.I
breathedthatinukshukintomysoul andhearttoday.I tastedthe coldrocks andwas filledwiththeir
vastness.Aja- aja-aja-Aja- aja-ja.
There are twonurseshere.Theyare fromthe eastcoast somewhere.Theytoldme theyhave beenliving
inPaulatuknowfor manyyears.Both startedto offerme theirinterpretationsof whothe people were
inthe settlement.Ilistenedforabouttenminutesanddeclinedtheireageroffertotell more.The smug
looksontheirfacestoldme thattheybelievedIwasnaïve and that I had somuch to learnaboutthese
people,and theyare rightthat I do.
I thankedthemfortheirinsightsandtheirwillingnesstoshare butthat I preferredtolearnabouteach
personwhomI wouldhave future dealingswithbytheirownadmissions.Irealizedinthatmoment
whenI proposed thatbehavioursare symptomsandnotnecessarilyareflectionof aperson’sinnate
nature that I alienatedmyself fromthem.
The communityhealtheducatorliaisonpersonwaspresent.He jumpedupforthe telephone.He had
beenquietlysittingthroughthe conversation.Hisface wasmotionlessandhiseyeswereconcealed by
16. 16
hisblue sunglasses.He hasanaquiline nose,straightteethandravenblackhair.Iwantedto ask him
whyhe was wearingsunglassesathisdeskindoorsbutrefrained.He wasimpeccablydressedinhis
wrinkle free Nike attire.Isquirmedasmyrelaxedcountrylookwithmyplaid wrinklyshirt.
I am off to the store as I am nearlyoutof cigarettesandthe nicotine stainedbeardof the nurse only
reinforcesthatthisisneitherthe time notthe place torelinquishthe onlyendorphinstimulatorinmy
life. Iam strugglingwithtobacco.Istartedsmokinga yearand a half ago workingat the Yukonwomens
shelter.Itisnot an addictionIeverassumedIwouldstruggle with.The clientswere permittedtosmoke
inthe smokingroomandby virtue of exposure tosecondhandsmoke Istartedsmoking.Iwasgoingto
quittodaybut I am not goingto quittoday.
June 3rd
Today itis sohot here I can barelystandit.I suggestedputtingona pairof shorts,whichwasmetwith
prolongedsilence bythe womenof the community;soIwon’tbe puttingonshortsdespite the heat.
There are certaintaboosand one of themis naked legs.Ilearnedthisonone tripto RossRiver,Yukon
whenI arrivedatan Elder’sfishcampand she criedout to me to cover mylegsthere were menaround.
Later at the campfire she toldme not to wearshortsaround menandthat doingso wouldbring
disharmonywiththe otherwomenin camp.
I was broughtto a picnicto cool off instead.GilbertandLonnie Thrasher’sadult sonwashavinga
birthdaypicnic.The picnicwasnextto the waterlake.We ate caribou,twodifferentkindsof lake locked
char and wildgeese.Ididn’tcare tolookat the geese asmanyof the pinfeatherswere stillattachedto
the skin.I ate a little of everythingandwasthankful forthe company.
The water lake iswhere the settlementobtainsitsdrinkingwater.The Arcticmusthave thousandsof
freshwaterlakesthrough- outthe tundra.Some people,orIshouldsaymost people have proper
sewage systems,buttodayasI walkedthroughtownIsaw raw sewage runningbeneathahouse.
Everyone issofriendly,kindandgenerous.Theyare interestedtohearaboutthe Yukon.
I returnedtothe water lake alone thiseveningandlistenedtothe ice melting.Ithadthe soundof one
thousandwindchimesblowingtogetherinthe wind.IonlywishedthatIhada tape recorderfor itwas
trulyexquisite.
Dear Diary
June 6th
Early inthe afternoonIstoodwitnesstothe environmentalhealthofficerfromInuviksystematically
givingrabiesshotstothe dogs here.Istooda gooddistance backjustin case the dogsdecidedtomunch
on mylimbs.Ialso photographedthe childrenonraftsof Styrofoamoutin these verylarge puddlesnext
to the Hamletoffice.Theyamusedthemselvesforhours.
I have learnedthatthe Eldersspeakthe Siglitundialecthere;howeverthe childrenare merelyable to
name items;unlike the Easternarcticwhere Englishisthe secondlanguage.
I have beentoldthatthe people here andinthe regionare worriedaboutthe weather.Itissowarm
that the icebergsare melting,whichiscausingfloodinginsome areas.One oldercouple Imetgoaround
17. 17
intheirboat lookingforice withwhichtomake theirteain the summermonths.Ihad toldthemof my
experience downatthe lake withthe beautiful ice songthatthe lake wassinging.
The communitymembers saythe ice singsdifferentlyinthe differentplacessoupbythe lake itsounds
like windchimesbutoutonthe openseathe ice groansand soundsverymoody.All thatmy eyessee
and myears hearis new.Most of all however,.....itisall veryquiet. Ispendmuchtime wanderingthe
hillsidesof the tundralandscape insolitude.
The people donotstart movingaround until 11:00am and I remain inmy apartment after8:00 pm for
clientincomingcalls.
In eachcommunityIset myoffice schedule realisticallyasIneedtoserve the needsof the community
not the office hoursthatare keptbythe nursingstation.
If I followedthe hoursof the nursingstationmyoffice wouldopenat8:00am and my workday would
be finishedat4:00pm. I knowthisunusual practise isfrowneduponbythe nursingstaff asthese are the
hourstheykeep. Bee Lee seemstohave establishedagoodworkingrelationshipand she maintainsthe
same workday as theydo.
I will gooverand photographsome carvingsdone byan EldernamedBillyRueben.He carvesfrom
belugawhale bone andmuskox bones.He sellshiscarvingsveryreasonable soone dayI hope tobuy a
fewpieces.
BillyenjoysmycompanyandI enjoyhis.Fromyearsof sittingouton trap lineswithEldersIam
comfortable withsittinginsilence.Thisisatrait that ishighlyundervaluedinWesternsociety.There is
so oftena needtofill the silencewithsmall talk.PerhapsitiswhyIseekoutthe companyof the Elderly.
I can sit andwatch for hoursand letthemleadthe conversationif there isgoingtobe one. I donot feel
pressuredtospeakas I dowith my peers. He is comfortable and seemstobe happywhenIsitwithhim
and watch. I will returnto Inuviktomorrow.
DearAustin,
IhavejustreturnedfromPaulatukandrealizedIdonothaveanystampsleft.Iwillmailthispostcardon
Monday. TodayIamgoing to hikearoundBootLakeeventhoughitisverycloudyandwindy.Itook
many picturesofPaulatukbutIamgoingtowaitandhavethemprocessedinWhitehorse asitis
expensivehere.ImissyousomuchandIwishthatthedayswouldgobyfaster.Iwenttoagaragesale
today asitisSaturday.Iboughtthreerobotic kits.Therearesomanypeoplemovinginandoutofhere
that Ithinkabout buyingmorethings butIresist.MyroomisverysmallandIhavehungyourdrawings
andphotos. ImissyousoverymuchandI’llwriteagainsoon.
LoveMomxxoo
18. 18
I have returnedtoInuvik. Ithas rainedmuchof today and there are manymosquitoescrowding
furiouslyagainstmywindow screendesperatelysearchingforaway in.Aside fromthatit isprettydarn
quietinthiscommunity.
I readthe lettermysistersentwhile IameatingmyMexicanpizzaina GreekChinese restaurantcalled
the Blue Moon Café.
Plasticredroses donthe pinkwalls.Atone end isa grizzlybearrug that isoldand sheddingitis outlined
withredChristmaslights.Onthe otherendisa stringof red Chinese lanternslikethe kindthatwere
hungin certaincitydistricts.There are redginghamtablecloths.Aboveeachtable isachandelierwith
blue,yellowandpink‘flame’mouldedlights.Ifeel verymulticultural sittinghere sippingmyCanadian
beerdrinkinginthe ambience.Mymindflickersbacktothe barbequedgoose meatwiththe pin
feathers, the jellointhe plasticDixiecups dollopwithdreamwhip,andthe sumptuousarcticchar just
fournightsprevious......lifeisabanquetof variety!
I ponderthe colonizingefforts of the churchand state inthe BeaufortDelta.The Arcticenvironment
unlike anyotherplace inCanadais the undeniable recognitionthatthe Inuvialutwere herefirst,they
are the people of the northfromthe beginningof time!Onlytheyare able tosurvive inthe coldest
placesonearth unaidedbyourmodernworld.
Unquestionably,theyhadtheirowngovernance,communitysocial systems,justice andwaysof
teachingtheiryoung.Theyhadtheirownlanguages,economyandmedicines.These systemshave never
beendeniedandare beingreclaimedrapidly.We needtorelyon the Indigenouspeople toleadthe way
throughthe catastrophicenvironmentalshiftswe are observingonourearthtoday.
Eskimodiscnumbers
Numbersintroducedbythe federalgovernmentin1941 to enable non-Inuittoidentifythe Inuitsince
theyfoundthatthe Inuitfamilynameswere toocomplex.
FirstMeeting:
When a group of polar Eskimos,who neverbeforeseen white men met the British Arctic Explorer John
Russin 1818, the meeting wasone of fearand distrust.Pointing to his shipsthey asked eagerly:“What
greatcreatures arethese?” Do they come fromthesun orthe moon?Do they give uslight by nightor by
day?
When John SachheusetheEskimo interpreter fromSouth Greenland said thathe wasa man and pointing
to the southsaid thathe camefrom a distantcountry in thatdirection,they answered “That cannotbe,
there is nothing butice there”
19. 19
And when Sackheauseexplained thattheshipsweremadeof wood the Inuitwere filled with disbelief.“
No they are alive,we haveseen themmovetheir wings”
Even to the ship Isabella they still believed it to be a living creatureand addressed her“Who are you?
Where do you come from?Isit the sun or the moon?
CHAPTER THREE
NOBODY’S HOME
Brrrr….itisreallycoldherethismorning.Somepeoplesayit’s0c otherssayitis+03c.IlookatCBC
televisionandIseeitissowarminWhitehorse.TomorrowI’monmywaytoSachsHarbour.Sachs
Harbouristheonlysettlementon BanksIsland.Banks Islandisfamousforitslargemuskoxherdsanda
long timeagoitsArctic whitefoxpelts.Ithinkitisthemost northernsettlementintheWesternArctic.
Theicestillhasn’tbrokeninthefreshwaterlakesandtodayitfeelslikewearegoingbackto winter.
Should thiskeepupI’mgoingto getmyself aredsuitandeighttinyreindeers.Ijustfinishedeatingabig
chunkofdrywhitefishanInuvialuitwomanIworkwithbroughtin, itwasveryyummy.Garyoneof
theotherfellowsIworkwithwillbringmetheArctic CharIforgotinPaulatuksowewillsharethatthe
firstnightwearetogetheragainorwecangooutandeatsquid.
DearAustin,
You arealwaystellingmehowmuchyoulikehorsessoIfoundthishorsepostcardforyoutodaywhenI
was outdoing mygroceryshopping.Istillhavenotreceivedaletterfromyouoranewdrawing.The
weatherherehaswarmedupandthereisanicebreezeblowinginthroughmywindow.Thebigflies
that wecallhorsefliesintheYukonarecalledbulldogshere.AtfirstIdidnotknowwhateveryonewas
21. 21
IamlonelyforyouandIwonderifyouthink ofmeasmuchasmythoughts arewithyou.Theworldis
verydifferenthere.Peoplestayupallnightandsleepallday.Thepreparationoffoodisdifferent.The
peoplearewatchfulandquiet.
Iamstayingin abedandbreakfasthere.Therearefourothersstayinginherewithme.Everyonekeepsto
themselveswhichmakesthedaysseemevenlonger.
Outsidemywindowtwolittleboys areplayinggolf.Theyeachhaveagolf club,andforateetheyusean
emptyshotgun shell.They havebeenamusingthemselvesforhours.
YesterdayafternoonIwentforawalkandpickedstonestobringbacktoWhitehorse.Twoglaciershave
passedoverSachsHarbourmakingalandscapestrewnwithgravel.Thisistundraandnothinggrows
passedafootfromtheground.Thelandscapeisshrubwillow,moss,lichenandrock.Purpleandwhite
flowerswhichIamnotabletoidentifyareblooming.
Tri-goomeansthankyou. Amoutik meansawomans’parka.
Inmy filesIfoundphotocopiesfromthemagazineInukitutfromthesummerof1984ontraditional
methodsoftreatingillnesses.Iwillspreadthemoutthroughouttheyearsothateachmethodisdigested
byyour inquisitivemindandsavoured.
Cataracts:Ifthewhitestuffwasonlyontheoutside,itwasremovedbyhumanlicetiedtohairandmade
to walkaroundtheeye.Itwasalsoremovedwithwarbleflylarvaebecausetheyareroughertothetouch
andwillpickupthewhitestuff.Rolleduphumanhairwassometimesusedinstead.Anothertreatment
wealsousedconsistedofapowdermadewithcookedboneswhichwasappliedtotheeye.Itstuckto
thecataractandcouldberemovedfromtheeyewiththecataractintact.
LoveMomxxoo
I have beeninthe Arctic oversix weeks.Iregardall witha measure of awe.Iwentto a picnicat Mary
Sachs Harbour.IronicallyawomancalledMary transportedme there onher fourwheeler.She offered
me a ride while we were standingin line atthe co-op.AsI wasleaving,Iwasaskedbythe store manager
fromthe NovaScotiaif I knewshe wasa lesbian? WithmuchirritabilityIletouta resounding‘sowhat’
and foundmyself withnopatiencetocontinue dialoguingwithhiminanycapacity.I wasn’tinthe mood
to challenge anyone’shomophobia.Ifeltflat.
Mary pickedme upat 2:00pm and we rode alongthe coast andinlandbefore makingourwayoverto
the picnic.She toldme out on the tundra,while Iwasrollinga cigarette thatshe was a lesbian.
“So” I said.She thenletme have my smoke inpeace.
22. 22
FinallyMaryaskedme what directionlaythe water.“Here”she saidtyingthe kerchief aroundmyeyes,
“I’ll spinyouand youtell me whatdirectionwe shouldbe travellingin.”
It all looked the same.IlookedatMary. “I don’tknow,”Itoldher.
“What directionisthe windcomingfrom?That’sthe directionof the water,”she addedwitha friendly
smile.
The communitypicnicwasalreadyinfull swingwhenwe arrived.A pangof regretforlack of planninghit
me as I realizedthatI hadbrought nofoodin hand.I didnot know itwas a potluck.I’msure thiswas
notedbythe onlookershoweverinmydefence Iwastoldnotto bringanything.Ifounda shelteredspot
inwhichto roll anothercigarette andgraciouslyacceptedacup of hotblack tea.It isthe 3rd
Sundayin
June andif inany otherplace inCanada one wouldthinkitwasa clear midApril afternoon.Brrrr
I joinedPeterEbav’spicnictable foragame of cribbage.He askedme if I wanted to bet$20.00 on the
game.
“No” I stammered,“Ijustwantto playfor fun.”
Peterhumouredme andthencompletelydefeatedme onthe board.I movedaside toallow the
managerfrom the co-opto begina $20 game withthe undefeatedPeterEbav.AsI rolledanother
cigarette Peteraskedme whatIwas goingto do withthe cigarette Iwas rolling.Isuspectedatrick
questionsomusteringupmybestpokerface said“Well PeterIintendonsmokingit.”
“Oh” he said,“You are the firstwhite womanIeverseen smoke aroll your owncigarette that’sall.”
I glancedoverto the managerof the coopand replied,“Well if yourcigaretteswere notsoexpensive
here I wouldsmoke factoryrolled.”
Peter’swife ShirleyandMartha anotherelderwere walkingupthe coastin searchof sea ice for making
tea.The Inuithere donot like the taste of tap waterfortea makingso theywill travel byboatinthe
summerlookingforthe preciouscommodity.Theydidn’tstridetogetherinunison,butmovedfromside
to side andshuffledtheirwayforward.Some youngmenwere standingonan umiak(bigboat) throwing
off theirafternooncatch.I stoodmotionlessoverthe carcassof a sucklingseal.Three more large adult
sealswere laidbesideit.Surroundingme were the storiesandlaughterof the youngInuitmenas they
recountedtotheirfamiliestheirhuntingexpedition.Nowomensteppedoutof the boatsbecause
womenare not invitedtohunt.There isnofeministoutpouringhere togive rise toequal opportunities.
I pickedmore stonestonightandfoundasmall crayfish.Ifeel like there are stonescaughtinmythroat.I
swallowthemhardandpushdownmy tears.
It isMonday eveningandtonightIknockedatthe door of EdithHogacks daughtershome. Hername is
Jean.I toldJeanI am a hunterand trapperand I heardshe was goingto skinoutthe seal whichwere
downat the watersedge.She waspleasedbutcuriousasto why I shouldwanttowatch her.I readily
offeredthatIwouldlike tolearnhowa seal isskinnedoutandperhapstaste the fat as I understanditis
a mainstaple of the Inuitdiet.Itiseatenraw bythe westernArcticpeople toobutnotas muchas the
people inthe east.
23. 23
We walkedsilentlydowntothe water.Jeanaskedme if I know how to use an ulu(womansknife).The
uluis alsoreferredtoas a mooloor oolu.Itoldher I hadn’tusedone before butwouldappreciate her
demonstratingherskill.JeanwassatisfiedthatIrecognizedherexpertise priortoconfirmationof
dexterity.Withswiftnessshe hadthe seal skin splayedwithinseconds.Iwasastonished bythe density
of the fat.
Witha swiftflickof herwrist,achunk of fat the size of a modestpancake wasextractedandextendedto
me.Why had I thoughtof doingthis?
What was the significance of thisinthe orderof all things?
I anxiouslythankedJeanforthe pancake of fat andraiseditto my mouth.It wascold,wetand tasted
like aspongygreasytabletof cod liveroil.There are nofat guruspolicingthe palatesof the few inthis
great land.Noout here…Iamon my own.I feltgreatheavesinmystomachbut I didkeepitdown.I
hadn’trealizedthatthere were tinybloodvesselsinfat,somethingthatIreflectedonasI stood
photographingJeanandthe skinnedoutcarcass.My mindfoughtback the realizationthatthe blood
vesselswere inthe fatIate too.My bodyshuddereduncontrollably.
I am goingback to Whitehorse thisweekandwithme Ishall bringa tea cozy fordad and frozenseal
meatto share withall.I am feelinguncomfortable andthe fatI consumedearlierhasproventobe a
veryeffectivelaxative.Idare say thatthe taste keepsreturningandwithitmyheadand stomachswim.
“Individuation isthe manifestation in life of one’sinnate,inborn potentialities.Notall thepossibilities
can berealized, so individuation isnevercomplete. It is morea questthan a goal,morea direction of
movementthan a resting place. The individuating ego comesagain and again to pointswhereit must
transcend its previousimageof self.This is painfulforthe ego continually identifies with imageswhich it
is presently identified is the real person.Thusthe answerto the classic question “Who am I?” is
constantly open to modification.
JamesHall:The Jungian ExperienceAnalysisand Individuation
24. 24
CHAPTER FOUR
SURFACE, RELAX AND BREATHE
DearAustin,
My timebackintheYukon wasfleetingandnowonceagainIampackingandunpackingformynexttrip
upnorth. ItisCanadaDaytoday.
Onmyreturnfight toInuvikwestoppedinOldCrowtopick uppassengersanddropsomeoff.When
theflightattendant openedthedooraliteralswarmofblackfliesconvergeduponus,thuscausinga
greatfrenzy.Thepanic subsidedonceallthesandflieswereswatteddeadwithfoldednewspapersand
magazines.The wholeordealexhaustedme,sowhenIreturnedtoCaitln’shouseIfellontomyair
mattressandsleptawayagoodpartoftheafternoon.
LaterIsaunteredovertotheparkandwatchedartistscarvestone.Therewasasmallparadetocelebrate
Canada’sbirthdayandIstoodtowatchaschildrenscrambledtoandfro,catchingthehandfulsof
candiesbeingtossedintotheairbyzealousparadeparticipants.Everyoneiscomplainingabouttheheat
andrightfullysoasitisstifling.Iamsohot mytongue isstickingtomy teethandmy anklesareswelling.
I’mconfiningmyself tomy roomandbathuntil theheatliftsoffabit.Stickyandhot Icannotcommand
my energytowritefurther.
LoveMomxxoo
It isthe seconddayof myarrival back in Inuvik.Iammissingthe Yukonterriblythiseveningandmy
cabinin the bush.What a life thisis;packingandunpackingperpetuallyintransition.I’ve workedalittle
on the quiltIam makingbut itis so warmthat I sweatprofuselybeneathit.How amI evergoingto fulfill
the termsof thiscontract as my mindwandersandmy heart thenfollowsbacktoWhitehorse?
The cat hairin the house isreallybotheringmyeyesandbreathing.Ihave offeredtovacuumbutCatlyn
still hasn’tbroughtthe vacuumcleaneroverfromthe clinic.Ididn’tbringitup againthisevening
because Ido not wantit to become anissue betweenus,asitis becominganissue forme. The only
thingpovertyaffordsisa lackof opinionandoptions.
25. 25
I didput my entire paychequeagainstmyrentand bills,except$140.00, so my billsare quicklycoming
down.I am grateful Ihave such a goodpayingand interestingjobbutthe time passesslowly.IwishIhad
somethingexcitingtowrite aboutbutthere isn’tmuchgoingon.Many drinkor gamble here topass the
time.Iknowthat drinkwill amplifymylonelinesssoIdonot indulge,andIam too cheapto gamble even
$5.00 ina card game.
SpeakingwithAustinonthe telephonelastnightwassonice,asit was the firsttime he has sounded
happyto speakwithme.He askedfor a B.B gun forhis birthdaybutI still thinkhe istooyoung.I keep
thinkingof the time outat momsplace whenhiscousinswere practisingwithaB.Bgun and Austin
wantingtolookup the barrel put itup to hiseye whenitwas stuck. Oh myI still cringe.
Theychangedmy schedule atworktoday.I am goingintoPaulatukonJuly10th
as opposedtothe 7th
.
One of the doctorsis upthere and he will be stayinginthe apartmentthatI am usuallyin.If it wasthe
womandoctor I mayhave wentup to visit,butI don’tknow aftera day of counsellinginthe
communitiesif I’mevenuptothat.Bee Lee the social workerfeelsthe same wayasI do abouther
privacy,statingthatshe wouldoffer forme tostay withherbut she doesnotwant to establishthe
‘precedent’forclientstoringherdoorbell at3:00 in the morningwhenIam not around....andIgetthat.
Bee Lee toldme that at timesshe isremarkablyboredinPaulatukandhasneverreadsomuch inall her
life.ItoldherI can believe it asIam fairlyboredmyself.NextmonthwhenIflyintoPaulatukBee Lee
will be outfor training.I’mtoldtodaythattheyare not keepingRCMPinPaulatukasthe population
doesnotwarrant the expense,soIdon’tknow if I shouldbe concernedaboutthat.
Catlynhas arrivedhome andishavingherfourthshowerof the day. Whenshe isthrough I’ll have
anothercoldfootbath. It’sso hot outside andindoors.There isn’tabreeze tobe had.Angelamydarling
youngersistersentme some homemade chocolatecookiesinthe mail.The chocolate hasmeltedoff the
waferwhichhascreateda gloopymessthatI’mnot eatingwithaspoon.
Later….
I laywaitingforthe sand fliestopickme up and carry me downthe road but it hasn’thappenedyet.
At 11:00pm I couldn’t standit anymore asI had lodgedinmythroat an unbearablylarge furball.Itold
Catlynthat I washavingtrouble breathingasthe loose cathair wasthickin the air. She ran nextdoorfor
the vacuum cleanerandafterprofuse apologiesandamad dash throughoutthe house withthe power
nozzle we bothcrawledintoourbedslatheredinsweat.Mybosstoldme itwas 34C at midnightlast
night.Thismorningitis overcastandI am prayingfor snow.
Treatmentforimpetigo:
Impetigo wastreated by soaking and washing thesoreand applying animalfatto it, being careful notto
rub the sore to irritate it. As it started to heal, thecrust thatwaspeeling had to be removed.Itcould also
be bandaged up to soakup thepusor powdered arctic haredroppingscould beapplied to the sore
becausethey soaked up the pussmuch better
DearAustin
26. 26
Iamrunning outofpostcardvarietyhereinInuvikforyou.PrettysoonI’llhavetostartmakingmyown
andsendingthemout. Ihadtogoto thehospitaltodaybecausethewoodsmokeissobadithasbothered
my breathing.AuntieAngelaandherchildrenareheadingbacktoBC.TheyhadfunwithyousowhenI
returnwe’llworkonyourpenmanship.Young peoplenowadaysdonotvalueletterwritingbutone
daythelettersthatyou writemightbereadbyyourgreatgrandchildrenandtheywillbehappytohave
them. Itgivesthemanideaofwhoyouwereandwhatyouweredoingwhenyouwereten.Thebigarts
festivalisonrightnowinInuvik.PeoplefromallovertheArctic arebringingcarvingsandsewing.Iam
veryexcitedbuttheartisexpensive soIwilljustlookingatwithappreciation.
LoveMomxx00
July06/ Day 45
It isSaturday nightas I write the breeze haspickedupandthe sunis behindthe house. Ireadmostof
the afternoonandperiodicallyIwouldlaymybookdownto myside so restfromthe heat.Thismorning
I walkedtoBoot Lake againhoweverthe mosquitoes,blackfliesandsand flieswere sobadI hadto jog
out andhave a coldshower.Itis sohot the heat wavescanbe seenwaftingdemurelyabove the asphalt.
I telephonedAustinandhe startsFrenchscience campnextweekandhe is veryexcitedaboutthis.He
askedme to call himagain at the same time tomorrow.I am delighted.
I bakeda filetof salmonwithdill,lemonandbutterandshareditwithCatlyn.She saiditwasthe best
fishshe hadevereaten.Ienjoysomuch to cook forothersespeciallythosewhopraise myabilities.
CatlynishavingsecondthoughtsaboutstayinginInuvikuntil March31st
. I do hope she staysbecause I
am comfortable withherasa roommate.She isquirkybutshe is extremelyintelligentandwe tendto
have veryengagingconversations.She isrespectful of myprivacyandhas reallymade aneffortto
welcome me intoherhome.
TonightI wouldlike tobe outcamping.It has beenalongtime since I sat arounda campfire witha cup
of tea,pickingblackfliesfrommyteeth.Mostpeople are coupleshereso unfortunately socializingis
limited.Intruth,Ihaven’tbeeninvitedoutonthe landbyanyone yet,andI am not equippedtogoout
on myown. I am reallysmall townsuburbanliving,layingacrossmybedwithnoheadboardlookingup
the streetand downthe streetIlive onin InuvikNorthWestTerritory.
July07th
The weatherstarted to change yesterdayandasof todaywe are overcastwithrainand wind.I started
home fromworkthis morningbecause Iwasn’tfeelingwell due tolackof sleepanda twoweekold
piece of cake I ate. I am feelingsomewhatrestoredasIhave sleptthismorningaway.The office staff
has calledconcerned.Ireallyrespectandlike the teamIwork withat the hospital theyare so
thoughtful! Iamnow digestingmyawaitingcaseloadfilesinPaulatuk.
27. 27
I am feelinguneasyaboutthe varietyof issuesthatI’mrequiredtohave expertiseindealingwith.
PerhapsI neednotputthe sledbefore the dogand I shouldfocusoneachfile asI am dealingwithit.
Bee Lee has calledseveral timesthisweekinnervousanticipationof myarrival;she issoundingalittle
overwhelmed.Iwill worklate inthe office tonightasI needtoget thissuicide protocol information
package finishedfortomorrow.
Austintoldme that he isfindingFrenchcampboring.I toldhimitis because he hassuch an excitedlife
so if he is notbeingoverstimulatedhe findsnormal daytoday ‘kidstuff’atrifle boring.He agreed
enthusiasticallytomyassessment.Lastnighthe readme hisGarfieldBook.Here ithas beensucha long
time since I’ve readGarfieldthatIhad thoughtOtisand Garfieldwere friend.AsIwrite of Garfieldmy
mindreturnsto Catlyn’scat- the cat who’sname Ican neverremember.
YesterdayasI stoopedtoget a pot fromthe cupboardthere wasthe cat sittinginthe pot.Now howhe
managedto fithisbigcat assin that potis trulybeyondrational explanation.Imusthave pausedinmy
astonishmentforCatlynbustintolaughterandsaid,“LindaIhope youdon’tmind.It alwayssomething
I’ve letkittydo.”
I respondedwith,“Ohnoproblem,I’ll washthe dishesbefore Iuse them.”
CatlynagreedsayinginherdeepGermanaccent,“Yes thisisjustwhat kittydoes.”
I guessthe onlyresidual thoughtIhave onthisis thatI wishCatlynhad toldme thisa month ago.No
wonderIalwaysfeel like Ihave afur ball lodgedinmythroat.
My friendSarahcame intotowntoday fromTuktoyaktuk.She hasfine featuresalmostmore Gwitchin
than Inuvialutlooking.She isbeautiful buthasnofront teeth.WhateverIsay so she seemstowriggle
hertongue throughher frontal gapand says,“Oooohsoundsgood.”She has askedme to joinherat the
BingoPalace thiseveningandIam givingitsome thoughtas I have nootherengagementsmore
pressing.
DearAustin,
I’vehadabusyday.Therewasafairlybadcaraccidenttodaybecauseoftheheavy rains,andallthe
planesaregrounded.AtfirstIwasdesperatebecauseoftheheat,nowIwanttoseeblueskies.ThecatI
livewith‘kitty’ isreallybeginningtoannoy me.IleftmydooropenwhileIwenttothe bathroom,andas
IsatthereIrealizedIwashearingthepluckingofcatnailsintomyairmattress.MymoodissourandI’ve
not yetforgiventhecatsoIdon’treturntoCatlyn’shouse.
DailyIcheckthemailandnoonewritesorsendsdrawings.Isurewouldlikeoneamonth.AsIsitand
lookout thewindowasheetofrainfallsandeverythingbeyondlooks atranslucentgreen.Onewould
think withalltherainthemosquitoeswouldbeseekingshelter,orperhapsthatiswhattheyaredoing
on thescreenofmywindow.
28. 28
Lastnight Iwatchedthis wonderfulbabymousescuttleitswayunderneaththehouse.Outofnowhere
thishugedog boundedandlungednearlykillingitself tryingto pursuethepoorthingbeneaththestilts.
RememberItoldyoumyhouseisonstiltsbecauseofthepermafrost.
OnemoredayinInuvikandIamofftoPaulatuk.OneoftheProbationofficersoftheregiontoldmethat
whenhestartedhere12 yearsagohehadtoflyouttoInuvikapproximatelytentimesamonth.Hethen
wenton tosay,“yeahI’msuregladIdon’thaveto flyanymore,itjustgetsworse(anxiety) withevery
flight. LoveMomxxoo
DearAustin,
Isuremissyou.TodayIgot upearlytogodown tothestore.IrecognizedtwoeldersfromSachs
Harbour.TheywerehappytoseemeandIwassurprisedhowhappyIwastoseethem.Itwaslike
meetingup witholdfriends.Myheartsoaredwithhappinessas IrealizedIhavegenuinelymadenew
friends.
Anothermandrownedlastnighton theriver.Itwas34 c hereyesterday,hotterthaninWhitehorse!
Trulyyou can’ttellfromonedayto thenextwhatthe weatherisgoingtobelike.Onedaythereisrain,
rain,rain; thenextdayit ishotenough toboilwateronatin roof.
TherewasanotherdeathinFortGoodHope,soadoctorfromInuvikwasflyingouttoFortGoodHope
whenhisplanelostoneofitsengines.Thedoctorclaimsthathewasnotatalldauntedbywhatcould
havebeenaneardeathexperience,andheflewoutthismorningonyetanotheroneofthesesmall
planes.ItoldmydirectorthatIwouldbethrowinginthetowelifit wereme.ShejustlaughedasifIwere
not serious.
Austin, Ihopeyou arekeepingahatonthat‘fair’headofyourswhileyouplayoutside.Kidsarecoming
into thehospitalherewithsymptomsoftoomuch sun.IloveyouandIamthinking ofyou constantly
today. Abighug andlovetoyou.
Mom xxoo
Paulatukfora weekthen ontoSach Habour forfive daysandthenI am drivinghome.ArleenJorgensen
my supervisorhasaskedme totake her truck intoWhitehorse forrepair.Ilookoutthe plane window
and thinkIhave only287 more freshwaterlakestopass overhead,thenthe stretchof sea,andthenI
have landedinPaulatuk.
29. 29
In mymindI travel these distancesandcarefullyobservethemsothatI may clingto some dimensionof
familiarity.
There islessice and snowgroundcoverthan lastmonth.The fellow whoissittingbeside me tellsme by
the beginningof August(3weeksfromnow) there willonlybe tracesof ice andsnow out on the tundra,
and bythe endof Augustthe snowwill startto flyagain.Thisis probablythe shortestlivedsummerof
my life.
There isa card game on the floorof the plane,the excitementrisesandfallsaseachhandis dealt.
Apparentlythere are problemswithgamblingthrough- outthe north.PerhapsIshouldnotlookonbut
let’sface it,I wouldplaycardstoo if I livedelevenandahalf months of my life inisolation.Didthe Inuit
not gatherinthe quggetqajaq(the greatsnow hut) whichusedto be setup ineveryvillage forthe song
festivals,stickgamblingandplaystringgames? Southernerswouldneverbelieve thistobe true butI
have seenitmore than once and I love it.
There are twomendownon theirhaunchesbouncingside toside.A dance similartothatwithstick
gamblingasthe shouldersof the playersrhythmicallyandalternativelymovefromside toside reminds
me of twofat ravenstryingto distractthe other.The three youngwomenwhowere playingsliptheir
moneyintothe handsof the ravenmenas theyare the laststandingplayersof the card game.Five
minutesandwe will be onthe ground.Cards are scoopedup andtosseddown, thena gaspfollowedby
laughter,andall the huddledbeamingfacesdisengage,fallbackintotheirseatsandreadythemselves
for descentintotheirhomeland.
The nursesare leavingandImust saythat I will notbe at all disappointedtosee themgo.As forme they
probablyfeel similarsentiments.We are off toa shakystart this tripunderno uncertaintermsamI to
botherthemwithanybuildingmaintenance issue of anyothermatterwhichisnotenshroudedwiththe
definitionof alife anddeathemergency.
Bee Lee has alignedherself withthe nursesandshe tooseemsunapproachable. Ihave nothingto
warrant thisreceptionexceptrefusingtojoiningossipatthe healthcenter. PerhapsIshouldhave
engagedinlastmonth’sgossipasan outwardgesture of professionaldebriefing.Ivacillate inmysearch
for balance andgoodwill toothers.I see the Inuitas the expertsintheirownlives andhow doI explain
that to racistsand bigots?What these foreignersdonotunderstandisthatif anythingwere to happenin
the worldthese are the people whowouldbe onthe topof the foodchain.Foreignerscouldnotlive
here withoutthe Inuitandtheirexpertise.Iam grateful forthisopportunitytoworkinsuchextreme
environmentsandIdo notbelieve intalkingaboutpeopleinanunconstructive manner.Itis
unprofessional.
It iswarm here inPaulatuk butnot like inInuvik.Tomorrow Bee Lee andIare goingto walkthe shoreline
as neitherof ushas venturedoutbeyondsightof town.Ourusual course of explorationisinlandover
the hillsandfar away.
There wasa mix upwiththe keysand despite the explicitinstructionsdirectedatme priorto arriving I
had to call one of the twonursesthe nurse to say that I wasunable toget intomy apartment.Iwas
referredtothe buildingmaintenancemanager andshe hungup.The buildingmanageronthe other-
handwho waskindenoughat 8:00 pm to try my doorwiththe keyI had beengivenconfirmedmy
suspicions. Ihadnot beengiventhe properkeysformyapartment.Intruth I dofeel discourage bythe
30. 30
lack of cooperationIam forcedto endure withthiselderlycouplewhoshouldhave retiredtwodecades
ago. NoGeritol forthose two... I thinka little liquefiedfatwouldbe inorderforthemthisnight!I found
thistraditional cure fromthe article thatI have beenreadingontraditional FirstAidusedbeforepriorto
contact:
Constipation:liquefied fatwould beapplied to the hardened stooland broken down so theperson could
startdefecating easier.
Today Bee Lee andI welcomedboththe change of pace and scenery.Althoughaverysunnyday,the
windsoff the Beaufort Seaare cool andcut sharply.
We walkedthe lengthof the peninsulaandphotographedthe flora,faunaandeachother.I pausedto
watch as the jelly fishrolledupwiththe wavesandontoshore.I’mamazedthattheyare able to live in
these coldwaters.Bee Lee sharedthisveryimpression.
We are both lonely.Bee Lee isnotputtingona brave fronttoday.Our feelingsof estrangementcoupled
and comfortedthe awkwardmoodthatcontinuedtodauntour mere shadowsastheycast uponthe
sandsand snow. Yessnowdespite itbeingJulyandsohotthere are patchesof rottedice andsnow
everywhere we go.
Two photosthatI’m eagerto see developedfrom mydisposablecameraisthe one where Bee Lee has
photographedme standingatthe tipof the peninsula-the FrozenBearingSeainthe background- and
the otherwhere I photographedmyself.The foamfromthe seawashedupbetweenmyfeetandthe
image of it broughtto mindthe movie the PianodirectedbyJane Campton.
I understoodsomuchthe lookAidahadwhenshe raisedhereyeswithuncertaintywhilethe foam
lappedherboots.
“An individual maybe alone in a physical sense for many years and yet
he may be related to ideas, values, or at least social patterns that give
him a feeling of communion and belonging. On the other hand, he may
live among people and yet be overcome of which if it transcends a certain
limit is the state of insanity” Erich Fromm The Fear of Freedom 1942 (15)
Today isMonday andBee Lee and I learnedthatinthe veryvicinityof ourwalkyesterdaylocal hunters
had reportedabig grizzlybear.Thisnewshascertainlycurtailedmytaste foradventuresandBee Lees
too.
31. 31
It beinga longweekend andthe waterdeliverytruckdidn’tmake itsusual rounds.Unfortunately,afterI
showeredlate thisafternoonandwashedmysocks,underwearandtwoshirtsthe HealthCenter then
ran out of water.
True I wasthe last to have a shower,butas I had notshoweredall weekend orwasheddishes Inaturally
assumedIhad usedlittle of myallowablewaterquota,andmywateruse is a needful physical
requirement.InosoonersteppedontomybathmatwhenIheard poundingonthe door.I dressed
quicklyandran to the apartmentdoor.There stoodone of the nurses.He bellowedout hisattack,
questionfollowingquestion,withoutgivingme time torespond.“Whatareyou doing showering and
doing yourlaundry on a holiday?Didn’twetell you thatwe mustshare thewater supply?You havenow
putthis communityatrisk as we arenowforced to shutdown theHealth Center dueto yourlack of
cooperation.”
I nowlay onmy bed consideringEricFromm, I smoke a cigarette andrelive the scene.Eachtime Ireplay
the scene I responddifferently.Igrapple withthe response thatIgave,andwonderif he sitsnow and
thinksaboutmy question. Iaskedhimwhyhe issoangry? Hisanger wasso loadedandI didn’t wanthim
or hiswife dumpingonme anymore,soI quietlyclosedthe dooronhisredheavingface.That iswhat
recoveryfroman abusive marriage hasdone forme,I nolongerfeel the need tounderstandormake
anotherpersons’ angermyproblem.
It isverydifficultforme tosee the divinityinthismanor hiswife.The workof self actualizationforme is
to be able to kissthe othercheek and I feel totallyextendedout.
Of course I knowthisisnot the endof itbut franklyIjustcan’t effectivelydeal withmyheavycaseloadif
I am puttingoutfiresonall fronts day and nightwithoutanylocal support.
Well it’sTuesdayandthe HealthCenterreopened withoutmuchincident.Bee Lee wasalittle distantat
work.I calledArlene (mysupervisor) inInuvikandrelatedtoherthe HealthCentercrisis.The nurseshad
put a call intoInuvikpresumablyyesterdaytolodge acomplaintthatIcausedthe HealthCenterto close
withmyindiscriminatewateruse.Boththe directorof HealthandSocial Servicesandmysupervisorare
supportive andcomfortme withthe fact thatthis will be mylastrun aroundthe nurses.Nextmonth
whenI returnto Paulatukthere will be nursingreplacements.
As I walkedthroughtownthiseveningthree littlegirlslaywiththeirbelliestothe ground,theirbacks
arching,and theireyeslevelled tothe embankmentbesidethe road.TheywatchedwithanticipationasI
walkedpast. Theircriesof excitementbroke forthasIstepped overa piece of paper.
“Linda,Lindayou missedthe note,”theysaidinunison.One of the younggirlsstoopsdown,picksup the
note and placesitintomy hand- itreads as follows:
DearLinda
Didyou gofarif
wealldon’tseeyou
we’llseeyounext
32. 32
twoweekstell
yourson weall
sendabighello
ifyou seehim
ifyou comeback
seeyousomedayBYMabelThrasher,IonaRuben,BessieRoseLennie
The childrenaccompaniedme toJamesRuebenstentoutof town.There Isat for an hour drinkinghot
tea andeatingdriedmeat.Jamestalkedalotabout hisrecenthunt,hiswife Lizspoke verylittle.I
enjoyedsittingaroundthe fire,the smellof the smoke andthe sweetteacausedmymindto travel back
to the hundredsof campfiresIhave sat around.Aftersuchan unfriendlyweekwiththe nurseswhohave
decidedtogive me the silenttreatmentIlong at thisverymomenttoreturn to my home,friendsand
familyinthe Yukon
As I walkedbacktotown I prayedthe entire waythatmy flightwouldbringme backtoInuvikonFriday
withoutanydelaysormix upsof any kind.AlthoughIspeakwithAustineverydaymyarmsfeel hollow
and myheart especially heavythisevening.
My mindkeepspassingoverthe lastmeetinginPaultuk.How the nurse stoodup-pointedfingeratme
and ragedat the Hamletoffice executive office abouthow Iputthe communityat risk.He spluttered
and rantedand ravedovermy insolence foragood fifteenminutesandwhatwere theygoingtodo
aboutit. Hard lumpsfilledmythroatand I feltmyblooddrain to myfeet,Iwas so hurt.Jonahs one of
the Elderswas the firstto speakafterthe three minutesof uncomfortable silence.
“Well perhaps,”he saidturninghissmall frame andimploringvoice tothe nurse,“perhapsonlong
weekendsthe Hamletcouldauthorize waterdeliveryoverthe weekendtothe HealthCenter.”
He shifted andsmiledatthe roomfull of caringand familiarfaces.Like capturingflowerpetalsunfolding
on digitallyenhancedfilm.Iwatchedasone byone smilesbroke forthontheirfaces,headsnodding in
unison,myheart squeezedasNigel closedthe meetingsayingthathe didn’tbelieveIwoulddoanything
to harm anyone oranythinginthe community.
TonightI am thinkingaboutthe contrastsinthe communities.Paulatukisveryopenandfriendly,from
the little childrenrightuptothe Elders.Where- asSachsHarbour people are more reserved- friendlybut
curious
Sachs Harbour
ThiseveninganAmericannamedRoywasinthe Bedand Breakfast.He earnsa lot of money.He has a
lotof money.Ilearnedthisbythe thirdintroductorysentence.
Roy washeadingouton the land,so I askhimwho washisguide.He replied“Noone.”
33. 33
I ask himwhynot andhe saidhe likedthe ideaof tryingtofigure thingsouton hisown.
I tartlyreplied“ohyeah”,Iwishedhimlucknotto be eatenbya polarbear andthenquicklydisengaged
fromhimas he wasgettingon myalready frazzlednerves.
Six dayslater…
“Roy the rich guy,was suppose tobe back yesterday,”saidJackie the ownerof the bedand
breakfast…herhusbandbeingone of the bestguidesinthiscountry.
“Oh” I said.
“Yeah theyare organizinga searchparty forhim,” she continued.
“Well I hope theyare goingto charge him,”I said “beingthathe was too cheapto hire outa local
guide.”
“Probablynot,”she responded.
It was afterdinnerwhenthe searchpartyreturnedwithRoy.He approachedme like we are longlost
buddies.Iwasirritatedbecause he stunkandhe has decided toattempttoflirtwithme.Iam not in the
mood.I am not hisfriend.Iam nothiscounsellor.Withoutinvitationhe sitsbesidesme while Iam
smokingmyeveningcigarette.Tryingtomake conversationhe says Wow,well if Ihadwanderedalittle
longerIwouldhave eventuallyfoundmywaybackhere”
“Yeah right”I tell him.Thenina burst of loathingIsaid“Didn’tyou findanywaterlakesouton the
land?”He toldme he did.Iaskedhimwhyhe didn’twashhisbodyor hissocks?I juststood upand
walkedaway.Ican’t standcheap people.
I am half waythrough mySachs Harbour trip.I have put off writingasI have beenfeelingalittle off and
try as I may feel overwhelmedbymycaseload.The complexityof issuesinbothcommunitiesis
staggering.Itouch uponthemandthenI pull back. I sat fora longtime tonightsmokingandlookingout
and overSachs Harbour.I thinkaboutthe storiesthese courageoussurvivorsshare withme.Idon’thold
them.I can’t theyare so painful.Ipraythemout of me andask the windsto take themawayfrom me.
In the chaos of those storiesIhear above themaajahyah yahajah yah yah.I see the tearsfrom the
casualties,andIdrinkmy coffee reallystrongbecause the sunishighandI can’t sleep.Itossand turn
and inmy prayersI ask forguidance,enlightenmentandpeace formysoul and theirs.
Thismorningthere were three muskoxenonthe hill behindthe bedandbreakfast.Twocowsanda calf
stoodbracing themselvesagainstthe torrential windsblowinginfromthe north.The musk ox are
majestic.Ismokedmycigarette atthe cornerof the house andrationalizedthatif needbe Icouldbeat
themback to the door shouldtheygetitintheirheadsto charge.They all turnedand staredat me
transfixed.Iwaspleasedandfeltsomehow itwasagood omen.Idrew intomyself the strengthIfelt
fromthe muskox and beganmy dayby visitingthe bone collector.
The bone collectorisa womancalledGeraldine.She hasbeen collectingbonesforyearsandhasthem
storedinbucketsaroundher home.She usesbonesinhersculpturescreatingdarkhollowedfacesand
strange animals. The holloweyesof the manyassembledcreaturesfollow me fromroomtoroom. Dolls
of bonesIthinkabouta childembracingone andholdingittotheircheek,cold,hardandspooky. I cast
34. 34
my eyesnervouslybackatcertainof the figurines.Theirexpressionsdonotchange theireyestransfixed,
it isa little disquieting. Iaskedheraboutherart and how she came to it.Geraldine explainedthatshe
had collectedbonesformanyyears,before she metanotherwomanwhogave herthe ideaof putting
the piecestogether.
We sat forhours anddrank tea.Geraldine’shome wascomfortablydecoratedingoodtaste.Herlove of
nature was apparentwithdriftwood,peculiarlyshapedstonesandasurprisingvarietyof houseplants.
Occasionallyheryoungsonapproachedandran hisTonka toyovermy legsandfeet.Geraldine
constantlytriedtodistracthimdespite myassurancesthatI reallydidn’tmindhiseffortstoconstruct
my limbsintomountainousterrain.IwasinvitedtostayfordinneralreadyextendedwhichIheartily
accepted.
Andthe menutonight:Rice a Roni,Arctic Char andGreenGiant coldpeasfrom the can (notheated,can
open,tablespooninsertedforease of serving) Iwasheditbackwitha Canadianbeer.The weather
outside wasstill miserable. AfterdisheswipedandputawayI excuse myself andwanderup the roadto
Mary andJosie’s.Ihadnot visitedwithMarysince the picnicwiththe communityatMary Sachs
Harbour. She andher girlfriendare leavingthe communityandshe invitedme overthiseveningfora
visit.
Mary toldme that she couldnot waitforme and she ate dinnerwithoutme butofferedinstead banana
cake as dessert.Maryaskedif I wantedtowatch the newsto see if anythingwashappening backinthe
Yukon.We watchCBC North beatand the temperature inthe Yukonisstill hot.Ithad rained andthe
windsblewmostof the day,the sky waspurple andthe seamoodyblack.
Mary andI sharedtidbitsof personal histories,ate frozenbananacake andflippedthrougholdphoto
albums.Mary founditcuriousthat I travel withthe quiltthatI am hand quilting.She doesn’tsew,knitor
beadwhichisstill commoninisolatednortherncommunities.She tellsme thatshe preferstorace her
ATV out on the tundraand up the coast withthe youngmen.She and Josie have aremarkable collection
of rocks,bones,muskox hidesandInuitcarvings.Maryand Josie have five muskox hides.Iunderstood
fromrumours inthe communitythatbothMary and Josie were transferringtoanothercommunityand
were intendingonhavingabig garage sale.AsMary and Josie have somanyhidesIask if she will sell me
one.Mary tellsme itis up toJosie andwill askher,“She will be here nextmonth,Ican ask herthen.”
Mary continuedtotalkandI half listeningasmymindwasfilledwithcombingoutthe muskox hair and
the howto’s of hand tanningthe back so as to use the hide asa carpetfor my cabin.
On myway back to the bedand breakfastIfounda few more stonesforAustinandone horn whichI do
not knowwhatI will dowith. Spendingthe afternoonwiththe bone collectorIfeel challenged
artistically, perhapsinthesebarrenlandsIwill take upcarving.
I have twodays leftinSachsHarbour thenI will drive backto Whitehorse.Tomorrow Iwill attenda
prayermeetingatSarah Kuptana’shouse.Ihope thisnightisquietandI wishthatthe windwouldstop
howlingfora while.Itmakesasoundso coldand foreboding.Itmakesme feel isolatedlikeamember
of Franklinsexpedition- seeingthe seaice floatingaroundinbigchunkswonderingif itwill be possible
to sail;butI have a plane andI have a ticketand I have all the time inthe worldto do anythingIwant to,
I justneedto surface,relax andbreathe.
35. 35
The sea isan inletof blackinkwithtoffee coloured foamsettledinthicksheetsalongitsedges.Istand
and stare up at the large heap of muskox skullsinthe neighbouringyard.There mustbe one hundredin
all.The skullsare harvestedfromformerhuntsandthenlefttothe elementsforthe fleshtodecayand
the sun to bleachwhite the bones.Igetclose andwatchthe fliescrawl inandout of the hollowedblack
eye sockets.Itdoesn’tstinkbutthe airfeelsheavywithdeath.Noone else isup.IthinkmomentarilyI’m
back inthe Yukonand lookforsmoke to come fromthe rooftopsthenI rememberI’minthe barren
landsand there are no treesforburning.Lap, lap,lap the oceanlickscleanthe sand as I walkupthe
beach.Hiss....itishardto smoke outhere as the dampair makesthe tobacco inmy cigarette resistantto
the match I liftitto.
Nextmorning,
I got up earlythismorningtocatch the sunas I haven’tseenmuchof it inthe last week.Iam tiredand
cannot sleepIambundledupandI can’t keepwarm.I wentto a garage sale inTagishon mylast turn
aroundin the Yukon.I purchaseda sweater.Itisa 100% navyblue wool Eddie Bauerwithfake leather
buttonsdownthe front.
I wore onlya short sleeve shirtbeneathittoday.Mygoose bumpsare allowingjustenoughof araise in
the surface area on myskinfor the microfiberstoreallyworkonagitatingmyskin.Iam walkingalong,a
lone cigarette inone hand,a half a cup of coffee inthe other.
UsuallyI donot mindNabobcheapcoffee forthe masses.Itdoesn’thave the richbodiedflavourof the
gourmetblendthatI usedtounflinchinglybuyfor$25.00 per pound.Iwonderwhatmy formerfriends
whoknewthe brand namesof theirrubberbootswouldthinkif Ipassedthemthiscupof coffee Iam
drinking.
I awoke at around5:30 am made the pot of coffee thenafteranhour shutit off.It isnow after9:00 am,
before leavingthe bedandbreakfastIpouredthe remainderof the potintoa travel mug, microwave it
for a minute anda half,thenI liberallypouredinthe coffeemate andwhite sugar.Iknew I hadn’t
heatedthe coffee enoughasairbubblesformedaprotectivecoveroverthe lumpsof coffee mate
floatingandbobbingagainstthe plasticsidesof the cup.Imicro wavedthe concoctionforone more
minute andthe secondtime there wassteam.
I made it overto the prayermeetingalittle early.SarahandEdithare alreadysayingprayerswhenI
arrived.Iknockedat the door and listened.
“Come in.Good to see you,goodto see you.God blessyou,”theysay inunison.
Mabel is Sarah andEdith’syoungersister..She arrivedandlookedmean,soIavoidedhereyes.Last
weekMabel came overto the nursingstationafterhavinga few drinksandtoldme that she was not
interestedinme snoopingaround.
“We’ve gotnothingto hide.Youthinkwe’re hidingsomething”she hadsaid.ItoldherI had someone in
my office andIcouldnot talkright then.
She nowraisedherright hand,“Praise the Lord,Thank youJesus.”
I mutteredundermybreaththe same and added,“Protectme fromMabel’swrathon thisday. Amen”
36. 36
The teacherand nurse arrived.We sang a few Inuithymnsandthe nurse read fromthe New Testament;
before youknewitwe were eatingwhite breadwithstrawberryjamandsippingonblackteawithsugar.
Mabel kepther eye onme steady.I attemptedanervoussmile.She smiledback.Isankintomy chair and
toldSarah abouta dreamI had lastnight.I dreamtI wasswimmingoutinthe bay. I hada grizzlybearon
one side of me and on the otherside of me wasa polar bear.I askedherwhat the dreammeant?Sarah
toldme two elderswere watchingoverme here.Itisagood dream.Mabel rockingand smilingatme
nowcausedthe apprehensionIwasfeelingearlierleavemystomach.We hadmade peace,Tomorrowat
thistime, GodwillingIwill be Yukonbound.
TreatmentforFracturedBones:If a personhada brokenlegorarm, the bone was firststretchedout
and putintoplace,thenwrappedwithanythingthatwasstiff,aslongas it wasnot too hard.Care had to
be takenthat the brokenbonesdidnotoverlap,andthat weightwasnotput onit before ithealed.
Departure fromSachs Harbour,
Oh God! Roythe rich guy loston the tundraearlierthisweekisnow headingbacktoInuvikandas luck
wouldhave ithe is onmy flight. He nodsinmy direction.Istare back coolly.Iwantto tell himhowmuch
I can’t standhimfor hisarrogance butI don’t.
We are experiencingatremendousamountof turbulence whilewe are airborne.Iamsittingbeside an
elder,infrontof Roy.Each time we hitan air pocketI say“Oh my God, Ohmy God!”
Afteraboutthe eighth“Ohmy God”, I see Roy’s white bonyfingers clutchingmygreensweater.
“What?” I say.
He asks,“Uh...doyouthinkyou can quitsayingthat?”
“Sayingwhat?”I ask sourly.
“You know,youkeepsayingOhmyGod, Oh my God,”he replies.
TriumphantlyItugmy sweateroutof his longbonypale fingersandsnap,“Youfool,maybe itisthe only
thingthat’skeepingthisplane inthe air!”
The elderjustnodshisheadand smiles.
We are collectingourluggage fromthe floorof the terminal inInuvik.Ifeel andsee the longbony
fingersof Royagainon my shoulder.Indisbelief Iturntowardshim,mymouthopenbut nowords
formedashe proposedtotake me out for dinnerafterIfinishedmy workday.The Elderstill atmy side
was perhaps85 years old,Iwas accompanyinghimtothe hospital where he wouldstayinresidencefor
hischeck upwiththe doctor. I tookthe Eldershand inmine andas sweetlyasIcouldmusterI turnedto
Roy andsaid youare makingmyboyfriendfeel veryuncomfortable withyourproposition.Roylookedat
me incredulously.Iscrunchedmyface,raisedmyeyebrowswithalookof confirmation.Charlie the
Eldergrinningearto ear,leanedintoRoyandsaid now if youwill excuse usLindaandI have a
date....whichwe authenticallydidwhereashe joinedme inthe hospital cafeteriathateveningformy
supperbreak.
CHAPTER FIVE
The Little People
37. 37
EmilyDearDickinson
The destiny poses the question
As my heart unfolds so frail
What once I hoped all justified
Has fragmented my words, my soul now stale
Oh I couldn’t be mistaken
Though they scorn it as I tell
I have to be a child of His
Or my purpose is it hell?
My Dickson, my Emily
I think you saw it well
The visions and perceptiveness ‘Beyond the Dip of Bell’
The questionings your ponderings
Did it give you gain
Or do you now forever burn the life you lived in vain
The righteous claim mine tis’ vain indeed
I rather have my doubts
For their world in which you questioned
I question now myself.
The sanity I’m certain of
Though some may disagree
Oh Emily Dear Dickinson
How I wish they all could see
38. 38
I do notknowwhat else couldgowrongwithmy dayas it seemslike all thatcouldgowronghas.
Perhapsitis because Ifeel soexhaustedthatmypatience triessoeasilyormaybe Iam trulyhavinga
remarkablytaxingday.
The DempsterHighwaywasseeminglyinworse conditionthanwhenItravelleditaweekago.It was hot
and dry,creatingextremelydustyconditions.Onall sidesof me were maniacsstrivingtopull ahead
showeringmyboss’truckinrocks and intwo differentplaceschippingthe wind-shield.
Road constructionwasaroundnearlyeverybend,enhancingthe aggressivenessof 6:00am drivers.You
knowthe kindthat jump outof bed,neglectingtobrushtheirteeth,swallowback12 cups of coffee and
withrighthand ontheirmaps theytrace withtheirindex fingerthe route anticipated,while the left
handgrips the steeringwheel.The righteye isgluedtothe dashboardclock,andthe lefteye isfixated
on the road, andtheyare off!
I on the otherhand rambledalonginthe leadof a little Asiancaravan- anelderlyJapanese couplefrom
CaliforniaandayoungChinese couple fromVancouver.Imetupwiththe crew at the Arctic Circle sign
postwhenI stoppedtophotographthe signand the mountainrange behindit.Theyfollowedme all the
wayback intoInuvik.Istoppedseveral timestostretchmybelly.Eachtime theyfaithfullystoppedand
waitedforme to get underway. Ifeel likeIamback horse guidingtouristsbutthistime withoutpay.
There wasone stretchof road where all the coffee,juice andfilteredbottle watercaughtupwithme.I
leftthe indicatorlightonfortwo minutesforthe sake of all behindbefore I swervedtothe shoulderof
the road and contemplatedmystrategy.Onall sidesthe grassylandrolledgentlyflatouttomountain
rangesa good tenkm away.Finallywithasurge of inspiration,Iretrievedthe roll of toiletpaperfrom
beneaththe bottles,chipsandchocolate barwrappersandsalliedforwardwiththe tail of toiletpaper
roll flappinggentlyinthe wind.AsIturnedinthe directionof myfriendsintheirmotorhomesInoticed
that all eyeswere avertedinthe otherdirection.
I collapsedintobedlasteveningaround1:30am; mymindwas racingfrom my highcodeine intake.I
consideredbuyingmyself one of those bumperstickerswhichreadsinshinyshakyblacklettersthat I
DroveThe Dempster Highway and Survived.
As I donot have a vehicle of myownto adhere the stickertoI imaginedmyselfparadingthroughthe
mainstreetof Inuvik,holdingthe bumperstickerhighovermyheadandit wassomewhere inthose
thoughtsthat I driftedoff intoafitful sleep.
While Iwas inthe Yukon Catlynhunga wrinkly plasticshowercurtain.Catlyn’svisitingsonassuredher
that itwas one of the importantfundamentalnecessitiesinthe artof bathing.
I draggedmyself onmybellytothe bathroom, inchedmywayup the side of the bathtuband rolledon
to the cold powerblue enamel.Ifumbledforthe hotwatertap. Three gloriousminutesof hotwater
spoutedfromthe ‘once was’showerhead.Catlynhaddecidedtoreplace the showerheadandsomehow
onlygot half waythroughher intendedtaskof installation.MyboutinParadise wasshort lived.The hot
waterabruptlydisappearedandablastof freezingwaterfollowed.WhatcouldIdo? I wasforcedto
standbeneaththe wretchedpipe andattempttodetangle frommyhairthe lumpsof congealed
shampoo.
39. 39
I pulledbackthe showercurtaininmy state of hypothermicshocktosee the toiletpaper,magazinesand
my change of clothingfloatingaroundonthe bathroomfloor.DidI forgetthe adjective ‘useless’inmy
descriptionof the wrinklypurple showercurtain?
I was wadingaroundthe 3 by 5 footbathroomon myhands andkneesspongingupbucketsof water
whenthe soundof ‘pluck’,‘pluck’,‘pluck’reachedmyears.The cat- that cat wasonce aginon myair
mattresspluckingitsclawsintoit.I feltderangedandconfused.There wasconsiderable clamourasboth
the cat I rushedinandout of the rooms.FinallyIcollapsedinastate of defeat...bothsidesof the air
mattressrisingupto sandwichme in.
PresentlyIamon route to Sachs Harbour.The plane isexperiencingsome turbulence,howeverIam
calm.Today I am too wearyto prayfor my salvation.Shoulditlooklike we are goingtocrash I will
attach thislettertothe little blackbox withthe bigwadof hubbabubbagum sloshingaroundmy
mouth.I am filledwithresolve thatIhave livedmylife tothe bestof my ability,andthere isnodoubt
that thismorning’sactsof chaoswill make upfor anymisdeedsIhave done inthislife onthisblue green
planet.
Back on the groundeverythingfeelsanti-climatic. Iam notreadyto meetmy Maker obviouslysparedfor
the nextlegof life’sjourney.Iwantto live againdespitemymanytribulations.ArrivinginSachsHarbour
I have discoveredIamhomelessasthere are norooms available inthe BedandBreakfast.Iam inthe
nursingstationinmyoffice awaitingthe newsof myaccommodations.IthasbeendecidedthatIwill be
lodgedatthe Musk Ox Inn.
Hours later:
It israther difficulttodescribe the MuskOx InnsoI have takento photographingit.There isan older
couple whorunit. Theyboughtthe buildingoff of the federal government manyyearsagoandfew
decorumchangeshave beenmade inthe fortyyearsthat it hasbeenstanding.
We have justreceivedacall that there isa youngpolarbear feedingonawashedupand bloatedbeluga
whale about20 km upshore.I wouldlike togoup and see itbut I am still inrecoveryfromthe last
couple daysof travel.One of the teacherswentupwitha few of the local boysto try and catch a
glimpse howeverall thatwasremainingwasthe half eatencarcassand nobear insight
CUTS : A funguslike white powderyplantthatgrowsinthe summertimewasappliedtothe wound
before the cutwas bandaged,ora whole leaf of chewingtobaccowasput onthe cut before athinlayer
of caribouskinwasapplied.Sometimespeople wouldapplyarctichare droppingsthathadbeencrushed
intoa powderbefore the cutwas bandaged.Thiswasdone because itpreventedthe cutfrombleeding
too much.
I was notlongat the Musk Ox Inn.ArrangementsfromInuvikhave beenmade toshuntme overto the
nursingstation.I’mratherpleasedwiththe directivesasthe telephone rangsteadylasteveningandI
didnot hearit. I am leftwiththe impressionthatthe twofellowsstayinghere withme inthe Innhave
assumedthatthe telephone callsIwasgettingthroughthe nightwere social innature.Iexplainedover
coffee the nature of mywork to a womanguesthopingthatshe wouldshare itwiththe tall burlyfellow
whoaggressivelyinformedme thatmyfriendskepthimupall nightwiththe phone ringing.
40. 40
Today I begintrainingthe communitymental healthworker.Hername isShirleyEsau.Shirleyisnotfrom
thiscommunityoriginallybutaftershe marriedPetertheycame here toraise afamily.Iam not certain
but I thinktheyhave tenchildren.She speaks fluently the dialectfromaroundhere andhas beenas
strongadvocate for teaching Inuvialuitinlanguage inthe school.We spentthe morninglookingoutat
the pouringrainand deliberatingoverthe moundsof paperworkrequiringacommitmenttocomplete.
The monsoonrainshave letup and nowthe onlyremainderof the passingstormsare the low clouds
and massive puddlesthrough- outthe town.The windblowsunceasingly.Actuallythe winddoesnot
blowhere ithowls.Ihave no remembrance of suchexposure toalonelywindlikethisanywhere thatI
have travelledinmylife.Iimaginethe windscouringthe earthpickingupthe weepingandwailingof
men,womenandchildrenandreleasingitonthisvast expanse.Iamtryingto imagine the frigidwinter
that thiswindwill bringandIam not reallylookingforwardtoit.Itis Augustandalreadyitis verycold.
I have beentoldthatsummerisnow overas ithas lasteda goodsix weeksandthisistypicallyfall time
weather.The people donotflinchinthistelling.Ihave twoclientsIneedtotrack downtoday.
TomorrowI beginmyarduoustask of goingdoor to door withmymental healthsurvey.I’ve composed
the surveyto try andillicitfromthe residents whattheydeemasthe toptwo prioritiesof service
deliverytotheircommunity.A thoroughneedsassessmentwascompletedthree yearsagoandnowI
am interestedtofindouthowpeople thinkthose servicesare tobe implementedtotheirsatisfaction.I
feel somewhatfoolishwhile Imake mywayfromhouse to house andI am not makingthe progressI was
hopingtoas there seemstobe an airof disinterest.
On myway to the store I sunkto midcalf inthe mud.The tundra hassoftenedlike pudding.The thin
skinof cookedpudding.Shirleystoodsilentlyonthe stepsof the nursingstationandwassoon joinedby
the nurse and the nursingassistant.All three stoodslappingandswattingatthe blackfliesand
mosquitoesnotmovinganyclosertoaidinmy rescue.At longlast I flungmyself downonthe stepsof
the nursingstationwhichhadservedasa grandstand for at leasttwentyminutes.Mysockswere each
three poundsheavierthantheyhadbeenahalf an hour previous.Ipeeledthemawayfrommyfeetand
theylandedwithathud inthe wastebasket.Shirleywasthe onlyone tospeakasshe pulledtissue to
wipe upmy legs,“Itoldyou notto walkoff the path,” she said.
“No Shirley,”Irepliedinthe mostpolite tone Icouldconjure,“Youdidn’ttell me I couldn’twalkoff the
path.”
“Oh “, she said,“I was meaningtotell youthatbut I guessI don’tneedtotell youbecause youfound
out foryourself.”
I walkedbackoutside,litacigarette andlookedatthe fateful spotIhad wallowedinlike anelephant
stuck inthe mud.There was no evidenceof mystruggle.The earthregaineditsdeceptivedisposition
and I litand relitmycigarette inthe unyieldingrain.
I layin bedfora goodtwo hoursand couldnotsleep.I’ve putmanyhoursintothe planning
developmentdeliveryof myworkshopwhichImustadmitwas well attendedandwentverywell.Some
womenhave askedthatI repeatthisworkshopbutofferitinthe eveningsastheywouldlike toattend
withtheirhusbandsastheyheardit wasgood.I am satisfied.
I have beenverybusythisturnaround andI wishI couldfindmydream worldeasier.Ihave neverslept
well ina bedalone.Isuspectitisthe resultof sleepingwithmysisterAngelainthe same bedforthe
41. 41
firstfifteenyearsof mylife.Ialwayssangor read to herso that she woulddriftintoherdreamword
before Iwouldsleepasshe complainedof beingafraidof the dark.She wasalwaystallerandstronger
than I,so in one wayI founditstrange that I was hernightfrightchampion.Iusedto be so brave,
steppingintoadark closet,lookingunderthe darkbed,sleepingwithoutthe lighton.Ihad a special
talentof bluffingmywaythroughAngela’sfearsandmyown.Now nomatterhow muchbluffing Iknow
that my doubletwasonlymake believe andI’ve nomore courage thanthe Lionof Oz.
August12......anothergloomyday
Everyone keepssayingthatthe snowiscomingtoday andit isonlyAugust12th
. Each day I expectto
awake withthe groundblanketedandeachdayrollsintothe nextwiththe same cold rain andlowlying
ceilingof darkclouds,whichhave shroudedandseeminglystolenthe sun.
I spent$37.00 on a roastingchickenthisafternoon.Icookeddinnerforthe nurse andboththe teachers.
I cannot sayI reallyenjoyedthe meal andIam certain thatI was not the bestof company.Try as I might
I felta little distantandalittle edgyfrom myimposedconfinementdue tothe inclementweather.
Thistrip I will eata lotof soup,hotdogs,yogurtand sandwiches.Iwantedtoreduce myfatand chemical
foodintake buttry as I mightthe foodoptionsare limitedandthere isnowildmeattopurchase from
local hunters.
It isdistressingIforgotmysewing.Mymindistiredand I have no wantot read.
It’sveryhot inmy apartmentdue to the boilersystemthatIhave no control over.I am nauseated.I’ve
openedthe window.A coldsaltytorrentisnow blowingpapersaroundthe room, thisisfarbetterthan
the awkwardstillnessof justamomentago.
I spoke withAustintonightandhe complainsof the heat andhisimpendingmove todowntown
Whitehorse sayinghe willmisshisestablishedandcomfortable circle of childhoodfriends. If there has
beenanythingconstantinmyyoungsonslife ithasbeenthe relationshiphe hasformedwithhis
childhoodfriendsandnowhe isbeingstrippedof thatas hisfatherismovinginwithhisgirlfriend.Ifeel
helplessandIwishfor a solution,butnothingcomestomindasI am unable torescue or compensate for
the part of Austin’slifewhichisnotinmypowerto direct.The victimsinrelationshipbreakupsare
children.He istooyoungto explainthe affairsandhope one daythat I have the opportunitytotell himI
was notto blame.
Rain rain go away,comeagain someotherday,thechildren wantto run and play so rain, rain go away!
Today I waspromptedtocheck on an Elderwhohad beeninthe cooperative buyingfoodforhishouse
guestswhoarrivedlate lastnight.Three youngpeople hadcome bythe nursingstationtoreportthe
auspiciousarrival of the unseenguests.AsIwas inthe habitof dailyhouse callsitwasnot unusual or
disconcertingthatIshoulddropinannounced.Louisa bachelorof seventytwoansweredmysecond
knock.
Upon reflectionhe wasthe kindof bachelormygrandmotherwouldlove:cheerful, generousand
scrupulouslytidy.He wasthe kindof bachelorwhowouldvacuumhimself outof a roomso the pile of
the carpetingwouldlie inone direction.Iofferedhimasmoke andhe offeredme acoke afterdirecting
me to a kitchenchair.
42. 42
I smokedmycigarette andsippedonmymorningcoke and listenedtoLouisstories.Therewasno
evidence of anythingoutof the usual,andhe didn’tseemdelusional,soafteranhourof listeningto
WorldWar 2 storiesIgot upto leave.Inthe room off the kitchenI noteda table elaboratelylaidwith
food.I haltedandcasuallycommentedthatIhad heard‘little people’hadcome fora visit.
“Yes,yestheycame twonightsago,” he said.I litanothercigarette andaskedLouisif I couldgo intothe
nextroom.“Sure,”he nodded.
Kliksandwichesonone plate,peanutbutteronesonthe other.Slicedcheese,pickles,potatochips,
slicedbanana, chocolate bars,cariboumeat,openedtinsof stew andPepsi were spreadaroundthe
table.
“Boy yourfriendstheylooklike they eatalot,”I said
“Oh yes,ohyes,”Louisbeamed.
There were pinkshoesunderone chairsoI saidthismust be where one of the female guestssits.How
manytravellersare there?”Iasked.
“Two,” he said.
“Well,”Itell him,“Youare a verygeneroushost.Igotto go. I’ll see youlaterLouis.”
I leftLouisbothcuriousandstimulatedbythe visit.Ireturnedtomyoffice andclosedthe doorto think
thingsthroughfora couple of hours.Inthe endI decidedthatif hisvisitorswere notposingathreatto
hispersonal safety,Iwasnot goingtointerfere.Icontactednumerousfamilymembers,relayedmy
findingsandtoldthemIhad no intentionsof interferingascultural underpinningswere atplay.Ihelped
organize a familywatchandredirectedtheirfearsandconcernstothe othercommunityEldersfor
consultation.The Elderswere notalarmed.
It isnow days since I have written.Louisfamilyisdistressedandoverwhelmedbythe additional
responsibilityandthere isnowmixedcommunityreactiontothe prolongedstayof the visitors.Today
Louisisbeingsentto Inuvikfora checkup. We sat at hishouse andhad a couple of smokestogether
before goingtothe airport. He isafraidthat no one will take care of hishouse.Ilistenbutdonot know
howto answerhimso I lethimtalkand I listen.Louisknowshe won’tbe comingback.He thinksthatthe
doctor will keephiminInuvik.Ilookoveratthe uneatensandwichesandopenedcansof Pepsi and
offeredhimanothercigarette.We smoke togetherinsilence until we hearthe plane overhead.
Summer1970
I knowI have othermemoriesof the ‘littlepeople’butmyminddoesnotserve torecoverthem.What I
do recall is‘the knowing’Ihadnot to talkabout them.Theywere notimaginaryfriends.Theywere fairy
like people.Ionlycaughtglimpsesof theminthe earlymorninghoursbefore momandmybrothersand
sisterswouldawaken.The lasttime Isaw themI waslookingoutthe window pastthe chickencoop,the
handpump andwell,the pigyardand the barn and overto the left.Theywere dancingonthe hoodof
the old1958 robin’seggblue Ford.It seemedtome thatthe onlythingthatwas movingwasthe dew
drippingdownthe window.MybreathslowedasIintenselywatchedthe twirlingandtoe stepping,the
43. 43
dippingandthe bowing.Behindme momproppedherselfuptoone elbow- mybabybrotherDavid
asleepatherside.
“What are yousmilingat?”she asked.
“The little people dancingoutonthe truck,” I repliedunthinkingly.Momleapttothe window hereyes
racing to the truck.
“There’snoone out there,”she stated.
I lookedoutpastthe chickencoop,the handpumpand the well,the pigyardand barn and voerto the
left.Theywere notthere.The chickensclucked,the roostercrowedandthe pigsgruntedwhile the dew
continuedtoroll downthe livingroomwindow where Istood. Ineveragaindidsee the little people - a
hintor a shadowof themfromthat day forward.
ExcerptfromW.Talboom’sbook: Arctic Bride,1956: pg 169
Afterwe exhausted thelocal gossip,Johnnieneeded smallencouragementbeforelaunching into a story
about‘thelittle people’.According to him, thisrace of midgetslived farinland and wereneither Eskimo
like themselvesnorWhite man.No one heknew ever had actually seen them butlone caribou hunters
often cameacrossthe tracksof their tiny komatiksand tiny feet.Cachesoften showed unmistakable
signsof human disturbancesand articlesleft unattended sometimesdisappeared.Anything
unaccountablewhich happened inland wasattributed to the little people.In this solitary land our
Eskimoshastily hunted and killed caribou,then turned backtowardsthefriendlinessof thecoast.They
had no love forthe interior.
By white man’sstandardsJohnniewascompletely uneducated,yethewasa highly intelligent person.He
had neverheard of mythology orsuperstition.Thestorieswhich he told uswere not intended to be
either. He merely related which he believed to be thetruth.In the beginning Iwasinclined to scoff but
eventually I realized thatwe had much less proof thatthelittle peopledid notlive than Johnniehad that
they did.
Much to ourinterest we learned there were mermaidsin Arctic waters.Johnnie said he had seen one
himself.Half woman and half fish,thestrangecreaturehad appeared fromthedepthsof the Bay one
afternoon when hehad been outseal hunting.Severalothernativeshad seen them too.When I
laughingly inquired whetherthehalf woman portion wasEskimo or White,he replied with all seriousness
thatit mostresembled a white woman becausethehairwaslight in color.
This wasthe story in its entirety.Nothing more,nothing less.When an Eskimo tells a tale, thatis theend
of the thing.No amountof questioning on thepartof the white man will reveal any furtherdetails.
Interrogationsareconsidered insults,fortheteller is madeto feel that the listener doubtsthepowerof
his memory.If there had been moreto tell he would havetold it.
It isnow SundayeveningandIam missingAustinterriblythisevening.Mywork has beenkeepingme
busyas is mywriting,sewingandreadingbutI’mrestless.Itcontinuestorainhere,butelsewhere Ican
see onthe newsitisscorchinghot....likethe Yukonforexample.Iam almosthome andthenI will be
boardinganotherplane and intenday time I will be boardinganother.
44. 44
Shirleytoldme astory thisafternoonwhilewe sippedteainouroffice.Heruncle fromHolmanIsland
wentoutpolar bearhunting.He shota bigbear.He hauledthatbearback on a sledtotownand there
he startedeatingit.Shirleysayshe gotviolentlysick.Noone inthe villagecouldunderstandwhathe
was talkingaboutfora longtime.Prettysoonthe sicknesswore off andhe startedfeelingalittle bit
betterbuthe wasneverthe same again.
There wasanotherwomanfrom Tuktoyuktukwhohadtoldme a similarstoryinone of our counselling
sessions.The people saythose polarbearsthatmake people sickitsbecause shamansthrow the crazy
spiritsintothem.Thenthe people eatthe bearsandtheyinturn getpossessedbysickandcrazy spirits.
I toldShirleythatI wasinterestedinlearningmore abouttheirtraditional medicinesof alongtime ago.
She toldme that whenpeople gotaninfectedcuttheywouldtake the wax fromtheirearsand rub it
intothe infectedarea.It’ssuppose toworkreallywell.
Anotherthingshe talkedaboutwasthata longtime ago,whenpeople whowere skinningoutcaribou
slippedandcutthemselves,theywouldutilizethe white skinonthe meat(the one betweenthe fatand
fleshthatsinewistraditionallymade from) tofix the cut.Theytake the white skinandwrapit around
the cut. Shirleysaysitwasjusta goods stitchesbecause itcouldbe pulledtightlyandthenwhenitdries,
it drieshardlike acasting.Prettysoonyou can take it off and yourhand isgood.
She toldme that sleddogurine issuppose tobe goodfor earaches.Saidthatshe had not trieditherself
but whenpeople were outonthe landfor monthsat a time she heardtheywoulduse that.
I’mhungry and thinkabouta peanutbuttersandwichandteabefore goingtobedbut I feel gluedtothis
chair.
I purchaseda $27.00 chickenyesterdayafternoonandinvitedthe nurse,herhusbandandthe school
teacherto dine.Dinnerwassurprisinglydelicious,asIwas not muchinterestedincookingitafterI
extendedthe invitation.Discussionsfell tothe highcostsof outdatedfoodonthe co-opshelves.On
Fridayfor example Ipaid$2.79 fora can of mushroom soup.WhenI openedit,itwasdriedout.I flipped
the lidand the expirydate wastwoyearsago...ugh!Ididn’treturnit to the store but thoughtlaterto
bringit to theirattention.Rose amiddle aged womanstoodstockingshelvessoIapproachedher.She
too hadconcerns andwhenshe broughtthemto Fred(co-opmanagerfromthe eastcoast) he toldher
basicallytokeepquiet,thatthe people aroundhere didnotknow anybetter.AppalledIreturnedtothe
nursingstationandrelayedmystoryto the nurse.She doesknow betterandisin the processof filinga
complaintwithEnvironmental HealthinInuvik!
As I filedthroughthe islesof the co-opflippingcansIrealizedthatalmostall the canneditemsare two
yearand more outdated.OkayI thoughtI can foregomysoupbut I needmyfruitand vegetables.I
boughta loaf of bread,a cucumber,2 grapefruitanda banana. I settledmyself tomykitchentable with
my cucumberanda chunkof bread.I made itthroughbut the cucumbertastedspongyand rotten.A
verydistinctmouldymildew taste awashedmymouth.Iate nothinguntil the Saturdayeveningmeal.
The nurse and her husband providedthe corn,peasandmashedpotatoes.A thickhomemade applepie
was contributedfordessertbythe teacher.The nurse directedourattentiontothe frozenpeasthatshe
had purchasedthatday, theybyno meansresembledfreshgardenpeasastheywere white andgray,
but some were greenanditwas those thatI ate.The greyand white onesIdiscreetlymovedtothe side
of myplate.
