"Men Are Pigs" is a satirical mockumentary that explores dating, collegiate hookup culture, and gender roles in the modern era. Our protagonist -- sassy, bold and brashly feminist Heather Klein -- decides to create a documentary on college hookups for her senior thesis project. However, due to her negative experiences with men, the project (as evident in its title) is hardly objective. Heather enlists her two best friends, Allie and her boyfriend Aidan, to help produce the film -- despite their skepticism. The trio set off on campus, interrogating men about their dating lives. When Heather meets Marcus, a kind and charming frisbee player, she believes she's found the perfect example of a male villain. Yet as she soon discovers, you can't generalize a gender. As the documentary veers wildly off track, Heather must reevaluate her film, her outlook on romance, and ultimately, herself. (this is an excerpt of the first 17 pages)

1. Men Are Pigs: An Investigative Documentary
2017, Lily Kairis Productions lilykairis@gmail.com
302-345-2953

2. 1 INT. BALTIMORE APARTMENT
Open on HEATHER (19), in the center of a sun-lit living room
on the ninth floor of a Baltimore apartment building.
Vintage couches, coffee table covered in magazines and
unread mail, floral-print curtains, some funky art and
recent movie posters adorning the wall. Heather stands
awkwardly, fidgeting with her scarf and the lavalier
microphone tucked inside of it. ALLIE (22), Heather’s best
friend and "assistant" for her senior thesis documentary, is
holding the clapperboard in front of the camera. AIDAN (21),
Allie’s boyfriend, and the DP, is "behind the camera."
ALLIE
Hook-Ups Documentary, Scene 1, Take
One...
ALLIE claps the clapboard and then quickly ducks out of the
frame.
AIDAN
(from behind the camera)
And... Action!
HEATHER
Hello, world! So this is me,
Heather Shay. I’m... Not sure how
to do this. How do people talk into
cameras without feeling awkward?
JUMP CUT TO HEATHER, FORCING A SMILE, RE-STARTING HER
MONOLOGUE.
HEATHER
Hello, Galecrest University. I’m
Heather Shay. I’m here to
investigate the complex dynamics of
hook-up culture. All you
millennials watching -- you know
how it is. Casual sex. Friends with
benz. No, that sounds stupid.
JUMP CUT AGAIN TO HEATHER RE-STARTING.
HEATHER
Hey there, students of Galecrest!
It’s Heather Shay, coming at’cha!
Ugh, no!
JUMP CUT AGAIN - ALLIE IS ADJUSTING HEATHER’S LAVALIER IN
HER SCARF, GENTLY FIXING HEATHER’S HAIR.

3. 2.
HEATHER
Allie, how do I do this?
ALLIE
Just relax. Be yourself!
HEATHER
Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s the
problem.
Allie gives her a maternal, chastising look.
JUMP CUT AGAIN - HEATHER IS CLOSING HER EYES, TAKING A DEEP
BREATH, RE-STARTING ONCE MORE.
HEATHER
Hello, fellow classmates. I’m
Heather Shay, senior, Women and
Gender Studies Major. For my
graduation thesis, I’ve decided to
explore the current rise in hook-up
culture here at Galecrest. This is
something we all accept -- across
the globe, apps are replacing
in-person courtship. Casual sex
seems innocuous. But the the
implications for feminism are
actually rather alarming.
In a 2017 study conducted by the
Galecrest sociology department, 82%
of undergraduate students reported
to having Tinder or Bumble
profiles. 66% of students reported
that, on these apps, they’re "only
looking for hookups." Of that
hook-up oriented population, 73%
was male, while only 27% was
female.
Let that sink in for a moment.
THREE-QUARTERS of those looking for
college hook-ups are men. ONE
QUATER is women. That’s a huge
disparity!
From behind the camera, Aidan interrupts, causing Heather to
lose her focus.
AIDAN
Is that a real statistic?

4. 3.
HEATHER
Yeah, of course.
AIDAN
What’s your source?
HEATHER
It doesn’t matter. Aidan, focus!
JUMP CUT, AS IF TO SHOW THIS NON-SCRIPTED BLUNDER WAS EDITED
OUT OF THE DOCUMENTARY.
HEATHER
So, college-aged men and women have
different romantic priorities. It’s
a proven fact. I’m not here to
argue that. What I’m here to
investigate is - how does that
difference play into the dating
field? Is all fair in love and war?
Or - when men want casual sex,
while women might crave something
deeper, are there real
ramifications? Well - you’ll just
have to wait and find out. I’m
Heather Shay, and this is "Men Are
Pigs."
AMATEUR-LOOKING FADE TO BLACK, THEN A TITLE CARD READING,
"MEN ARE PIGS: AN INVESTIGATIVE ANALYSIS OF HOOK-UP
CULTURE."
2 INT. ON-CAMPUS CLASSROOM
In a simple classroom (ie: room in the Mattin Center), Allie
is unpacking sound equipment, while Heather is looking at
notes on her laptop, and jotting things down in a notebook,
to prepare for the interviews. Aidan is still behind the
camera, but this time using it handheld, as if filming
"behind the scenes" footage.
AIDAN
I’m just saying, it seems like you
have an obvious bias, here.
HEATHER
(without looking up from the
laptop)
And what’s that?
AIDAN
You hate men!

5. 4.
HEATHER
(raises her head)
Bullshit.
AIDAN
Come on. You’re basing this off an
article you read on Everyday
Feminism.
HEATHER
So?
Aidan switches the camera around to show his face.
AIDAN
Hello, YouTube subscribers, please
comment below if you think an op-ed
on "Everyday Feminism" is suitable
background research for an
objective documentary.
He switches the camera back around to show Heather as she
speaks; she’s looking pointedly into the lens.
HEATHER
You’re being stupid. YouTube, can
you please tell Aidan he’s being
stupid?
AIDAN
Research is important! And, to be
frank, I think you’re using all
your shitty experiences with
artistic douchebags in freshman
year as like, inspiration. You’re
going in with a certain outcome in
mind.
HEATHER
You have no way of proving this.
AIDAN
Your project is literally titled
"Men are Pigs"!
HEATHER
Okay, okay, fine! Whatever! I’m
biased! Are you satisfied?
AIDAN
Yes.

6. 5.
ALLIE
Great. Glad you two have that
sorted out. Now, we should get this
show on the road, right? The boom
mic’s only checked out for 48
hours.
AIDAN
Yeah. So what’s first? Interviews?
HEATHER
Well, first, this is where we’d
roll the voiceover.
AIDAN
More voiceover, really?
3 EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS, BREEZEWAY
Long shots of "Galecrest University" -- a typical, mid-sized
liberal arts college in Maryland (possibly Johns Hopkins).
Colonial-style stone buildings, grassy quads with students
mingling and lounging on picnic blankets. Students walking
between class to class, in breezeways flanked by marble
pillars.
Then, we zoom into particular buildings and hangouts within
the school, where certain groups congregate - the theater
for the acting kids, the chemistry lab for the science
nerds, a frat house, the cafeteria, the greenhouse, the
library, etc. While all these shots are shown, Heather’s
voice plays over -
HEATHER
(voiceover)
Ahh, Galecrest University. A
charming, prestigious liberal arts
college tucked in the heart of
Maryland. Home to scientists;
political leaders; athletes;
writers; and globe-changers. But
beneath the pristine reputation,
students here aren’t only obsessed
with their careers - they’re also
obsessed with their sex lives.
In an effort to get all the dirty
details of hook-up culture, I took
to the streets to ask Galecrest
students about their sex lives.

7. 6.
4 EXT. GILMAN QUAD
Heather and Allie approach students - Aidan is trailing
them, behind the camera. Heather spots a group of four guys
tossing a frisbee around and points at them, gesturing for
Aidan to follow.
HEATHER
Hi!... Hey, excuse me.
The boys look up from their game,
confused. MARCUS (20, medium build,
tall, scruffy hair), who is closest
to Heather, tosses the frisbee to
CHAD in the distance before turning
around.
MARCUS
What’s up?
HEATHER
Hi, I’m Heather and this is Allie,
and that’s Aidan...
Allie and Aidan both wave slightly as they’re addressed.
Marcus nods at them both, making eye contact with Aidan
behind the camera.
HEATHER
I’m making a short documentary
about hook-up culture for my thesis
project, and I was wondering if I
could ask you and your friends a
few quick questions?
MARCUS
Uh... Sure, I guess? What kind of
questions? I’m Marcus, by the way.
HEATHER
Nothing intense, I promise.
MARCUS
Okay, I -
The other three guys have paused in their game. CHAD
(mid-twenties, all American looking), removes his sunglasses
to see the group more clearly. He spots Allie and raises his
eyebrows suggestively.
CHAD
(yelling)
Is that Allie Roberts?

8. 7.
ALLIE
Yes...? it is.
CHAD
Gurl, how you been?
ALLIE
Uhh... Fine?
CHAD (strutting over)
C’mon- I’m Chad! Freshman year Bio Lab? We hooked up the
Saturday of Halloween weekend...? I was dressed as the dude
from Wolf of Wall Street?
ALLIE
Right, right. Yes. Hi.
CHAD
What is this whole thing?
He gestures at the camera.
AIDAN
This is a documentary, and I am the
cameraman. I’m also Allie’s
boyfriend.
(overdramatically feigning
intimidation)
CHAD
Woahhh, okay. "Boyfriend."
Marcus, who has been standing awkwardly next to Chad, shoves
him in the side and gives him a disapproving look.
MARCUS
Dude.
HEATHER
Great. Glad we’re all acquainted.
Anyways. Like I was saying, I just
wanted to ask you guys some
questions about your experiences
with dating while at Galecrest. It
won’t take too long.
DEVON and ALBERTO, two of the other guys playing frisbee,
have wandered towards the camera out of curiosity, as well.
DEVON
Dating questions? Are you sure you
wanna be asking Marcus that?

9. 8.
He makes eye contact with Chad. Both laugh.
MARCUS
Thanks, guys.
HEATHER
Well, the questions don’t have to
be for anyone in specific. You all
can answer, if you want.
ALBERTO
Where’s this all gonna be
publicized? Like, Buzzfeed?
YouTube?
HEATHER
No, no, it’s nothing public. No
one’s gonna see it, really, except
my professors.
ALBERTO
Pshhh, what’s the point of that.
HEATHER
Well. The point is... research. And
also I need to do this to graduate.
ALLIE
Heather, shouldn’t you just...
HEATHER
Right. Yes. Let’s get to the
questions.
Allie hands Heather a spiral notebook, which she takes and
opens to a middle page. She glances over the writing there
as she speaks.
HEATHER
So, just to review, this is a
sociological documentary project
for my senior thesis as a Film
Major, which I’m turning into the
department chairs in May. The video
footage will be seen by Marie
Lawson from film studies, and
Elizabeth Peters from WGS, but
that’s it. After Aidan, Allie, and
I review the footage, it will all
be deleted. Your answers are kept
totally confidential, and also this
is completely voluntary, if at any
time you don’t like a question, you

10. 9.
HEATHER
don’t have to answer it, and we’ll
move right along. If at any time
you want to back out of the
interview or have your footage
pulled from my final project, just
let me know. My phone number and my
email address are right here...
Heather reaches over and shows Marcus the paper with her
phone number on it. Devon, Alberto, and Chad all nudge
Marcus suggestively.
DEVON, ALBERTO, CHAD
Oooooo.
CHAD
Does this mean you’re interviewing
Marcus? Not the rest of us?
HEATHER
Well, you can all answer if you’d
like to. I just need one person to
sign off as the primary respondant.
CHAD
Is Allie’s phone number on there?
HEATHER
No?
CHAD
Okay, then yeah. Give it to Marcus.
Aidan glares at him from behind the camera. Chad makes eye
contact with him and shrugs defensively. Marcus is shaking
his head at Chad, very disapproving.
CHAD
What? It was an innocent question!
Marcus grabs the paperwork and a pen from Heather.
MARCUS
You’re not using this as any kind
of blackmail?
HEATER
No! I promise.
MARCUS
Alright, then. I’m always down to
support the arts...

11. 10.
He reaches over, takes the clipboard from Heather, and signs
the waiver. Allie nudges Heather and then gestures towards
the camera.
ALLIE
You’re gonna edit all this out,
right?
HEATHER
Oh, yeah. This is the part where we
cut to the interview.
5 EXT. QUAD, IN SHADE OF TREE.
The other three guys have dispersed, resuming their frisbee
game behind Marcus. Heather’s turned towards him, clipboard
and pen at the ready. The shot tightens on Marcus’ face.
HEATHER
So -
(she reads his name on the
waiver)
Marcus. tell me a little about
yourself.
MARCUS
Um... Well. I’m a junior. I’m a Mat
Sci major. I’m from a suburb
outside Boston. I play Ultimate
Frisbee and club soccer, I’m Arts
editor of the News-Letter, um...
Yeah. Is that enough?
HEATHER
That’s great.
AIDAN
Yo - are you the one who writes all
those concert reviews in the
News-Letter, too?
MARCUS
I mean, I don’t write them all, but
a lot of them, yeah.
AIDAN
Oooh. I knew I saw your face
somewhere. Dude, those are great.
MARCUS
Thanks, man.

12. 11.
AIDAN
Do they let you go to concerts for
free??!
MARCUS
Yeah, so - once every two months
the News-Letter buys out two
tickets at The Shark Bar to see a
local band - and sometimes they’re
hella weird, but I’ve actually made
some great discoveries through
that.
AIDAN
That’s so sweet. Oh - sorry,
Heather. Continue.
HEATHER
No, no. This is good. Building
rapor and everything. But anyways.
So. In terms of romance... What was
your dating history like before
college?
MARCUS (laughs to himself)
Ummm...
HEATHER
Remember, you really don’t have to
answer anything if it’s too
uncomfortable.
MARCUS
No, no, it’s all good. I just
didn’t date anyone before college.
ALLIE
Really?
Heather glares at her.
ALLIE
Sorry, no. It’s just surprising. I
don’t hear that a lot.
MARCUS
Yeah, no offense taken, you’re
totally right. It was pretty rare
at my high school. But like... I
was way too awkward and confused
for dating, back then. I mean, I
had crushes and stuff, they were

13. 12.
MARCUS
pretty fleeting. And, well ...
There was actually this girl at a
debate competition I went to in
10th grade- they held it at
Harvard, so of course it’s gonna be
this super magical, surreal
experience for a 15-year-old nerd.
And then, a few days in, I started
noticing this girl - she always sat
in the front row during other
school’s debates, and then at the
end, she’d give them all standing
ovations. I thought it was so cute.
So on the last night of the
conference, there this shnazzy
little gala, and I spotted her in
the corner with her friends... And
I asked her to dance.
ALLIE
Wow, that’s so gutsy.
MARCUS
I was scared to approach her, of
course! Absolutely terrified. But I
thought - I might never see this
girl again. You know? And then...
Damn, it was so great. We ended up
just, like, talking the whole
night. We left the dance hall and
walked out into the back gardens,
and then we sat in this little
pavilion and played each other our
favorite songs and talked about
like, our childhoods and our dreams
and - god, it sounds so cheesy.
MARCUS pauses and looks over his shoulder, laughing to
himself bashfully.
MARCUS
The guys always give me so much
shit for this story.
ALLIE
No, no, it’s great. Go on.
MARCUS
Well.... At the end of the night,
we got each others’ numbers, and
then two days later we went home.
She’s three years older, so she was

14. 13.
MARCUS
starting freshman year at Stanford,
and I live way over in Boston, so
like, we didn’t think anything
would come of it. But then. We
texted... and we videochatted a few
times... and then she visited me
that summer...
ALLIE
Oh my gosh.
MARCUS
Yeah, yeah. It escalated. We
basically started doing this weird,
quasi-long distance relationship,
except - she’d say we couldn’t be
exclusive, because we didn’t see
each other enough, and she’d always
mention the other guys she was
sleeping with-
ALLIE
What?
MARCUS
Yeah, it got really messy. Anyways
- am I ranting? I feel like we’re
talking too long about this.
ALLIE
No, this is good!
MARCUS
Really? This doesn’t seem like
snappy documentary material.
ALLIE
It’s perfect, really. Don’t worry.
So tell me, how did all of this
end?
MARCUS
Well, I... When I was applying to
college, we briefly discussed the
possibility of dating for real, if
I ended up on the West Coast. And I
got into UCLA, but also Galecrest,
which has a way better engineering
school. But suddenly like, she was
so insistent that I go to UCLA to
be with her. She was like, "In the
grand scheme of things, love is so

15. 14.
MARCUS
much more important than your
college choice. You’ll do well
wherever you go." And that kinda
snapped me into reality. I
realized, like, this girl never had
my best interests in mind. So we
broke up, and I came here, and --
yep. Honestly, the love life’s been
pretty dead ever since.
HEATHER
Wow.
MARCUS
Jesus, that was a lot.
(laughs to himself)
So weird revealing that to a
stranger.
HEATHER
Actually... Would you want to get
coffee with me sometime?
AIDAN
(from behind camera)
What?
HEATHER
I mean, you’re right, after all
this it’s weird that we’re like,
basically strangers. I figured
maybe we could get to know each
other in, like, a better context -
MARCUS
(cuts her off)
Yeah. Yeah, actually. I’d like
that.
HEATHER
(grinning)
Sweet.
6 INT. BALTIMORE APARTMENT
Allie and Heather are lounging on the couch in Heather’s
living room. Heather has her laptop open and her hard drive
plugged in - she’s offloading footage. Her notes are splayed
out on the coffee table. Her and Allie both have mugs of tea
that they sip, off and on (placing them back on the
coasters), throughout the scene. Aidan’s still behind the
camera, filming his "behind the scenes" footage.

16. 15.
ALLIE
So... Um. Do you want to explain to
me what’s going on?
HEATHERR
What do you mean?
ALLIE
You just asked your documentary
subject on a date!
AIDAN
You know, I’m in support of this.
Good for you, Heather, actually
liking a guy for once.
ALLIE
She doesn’t like him.
AIDAN
I’m confused.
ALLIE
I know you, Heather. You don’t
just... ask people on dates like
that. This is a scheme or
something, isn’t it?
HEATHER
It’s not a scheme, that makes me
sound heartless. It’s a social
experiment.
ALLIE
Go on...
HEATHER
(sighs)
Don’t freak out about this.
ALLIE
Just tell me!
HEATHER
I just -- I figure, you know,
staged interviews are one thing,
but the only way I’m really going
to see hook-up culture in action is
if I actually live it. So - I’m
going on a date with this guy,
and I’m going to see firsthand if
he’s actually as nice as he’s
making himself out to be.

17. 16.
ALLIE
Oh my god, Heather. You can’t just
manipulate people like that!
HEATHER
I’m not manipulating him! I’m not
going to make him do anything he
doesn’t want to do.
ALLIE
Yeah, but you’re like - pretending
you’re into him when you aren’t,
and that’s cruel.
HEATHER
HEY. Guys do this ALL the time.
ALLIE
So, an eye for an eye? Since when
has that been your thing?