This document provides a collection of short passages on various random topics. Each passage is only a few sentences and stands alone without connecting to the other passages. Some passages provide humorous observations or hypothetical situations, while others convey more thoughtful reflections on life. The document introduces the format as randomly conceived thoughts intended to produce some laughs, furrowed brows, or inspiration from the reader.

1. JOSEPH DEFEVER
CHANNEL SURFING

2. Text copyright © 2016 by Joseph DeFever
ISBN: 978-0-692-69738-2
No part of this book may be reproduced, or
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted
in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or
otherwise, without the expressed written
permission of Joseph DeFever.
That’s just bad juju.
___________
Joseph DeFever is a writer and content
producer based in Denver. When he’s not
busy writing about himself in the third
person, he enjoys snowboarding, reading,
drumming, exploring, brewskies, biking, and
hip hop. You can see more of his work and
contact him for a copy of Channel Surfing
at:
josephdefever.com

3. This booklet is a collection of
randomly conceived, shamelessly odd
thoughts, experiences, and ideas expressed
through abbreviated concepts.
Each page stands alone. There is no
overarching narrative, just the story you’ve
flipped to.
Many might not make sense.
Some will hit the mark.
Find some laughs, some furrowed
eyebrows, and some inspiration.
-Joe

4. – 2 –
Writers never die.
So long as they had a good publisher.

5. – 3 –
Non Sequitur Similes (Part 1):
-Like seeing James Bond sneeze.
-As tacky as reading a novel Based on
the Major Motion Picture.
-An inexplicable guilt, like flicking on
the light switch and causing the bulb
to blow out.
-Painkillers settle in as pleasantly and
subtly as a car’s seat warmer.
-Like throwing a surprise party for
grandma’s 100th birthday.
-Neglected like a neighborhood
baseball field.

6. – 4 –
QR codes will be the hieroglyphics
of the future.

7. – 5 –
Paint color names that
Sherwin Williams® would never use
to “Cover the Earth”:
-‘Asparagus Piss’ [Light Green]
-‘Freshly-Fucked Fuchsia’ [Fuchsia]
-‘Shit on your Cheerios®’ [Beige]
-‘Hammered Irishman’ [Pink]
-‘TIME® Magazine’s O.J. Simpson’
[Charcoal Brown]
-‘Porcelain Goddess Prayer’
[Off-White]
-‘Shady Streetlight Sex’
[Dirty Orange]
-‘Tony Montana’s Demise’ [White]
-‘Wasted 80’s Night’ [Neon Green]
-‘Silent But Deadly’ [Mustard]
-‘Fraternity Haze’ [Brick Red]
-‘Socrates’ Breath’ [Light Plum]

8. – 6 –
A bank robber with a stutter.

9. – 7 –
Some quick math:
1.) Circumference of the earth at the
equator = 24,901 miles
Odometer on your mom’s beat-to-
shit minivan = 201,052 miles
Therefore, if mom didn’t have to
schlep your ass to soccer practice, she
could’ve circled the globe 8 times.
2.) The number of rotations a table
fan’s blades circulate on a hot sum-
mer’s night > the number of breaths
you’ll take in your life.
3.) If you’ve ever used an airplane
toilet, that’s shit coming out of your
ass at 500 mph.

10. – 8 –
“Hold my beer”
is the American
“C’est la vie.”

11. – 9 –
She wore a crimson sweater with
white block text on the front.
From his angle he could only see the
last three letters, —ard
Which could be either lifeguard or
Harvard.
The difference would be huge.

12. – 10 –
Is
it weird
that we use the
clothes hangers of former tenants?

13. – 11 –
With hacktivist groups like
anonymous—presumably a network of
shut-in computer geeks—waging
cyber battles against terrorists and
the bad guys of the world, the
Snuggie® has become the superhero
cape of the 21st century.

14. – 12 –
Words that would suck
to say with a lisp:
-Solipsistic
-Cesspools
-Thimble
-Sexy
-Stratocasters
-Thusly

15. – 13 –
When you think that someone
you’re attracted to is listening to your
conversation with another person,
you may find yourself talking indi-
rectly to that crush through your oth-
erwise drab discussion. You change
your tone, your humor, even your
friendliness to appeal to the person
of interest, while the unassuming
conversational partner is the blissful
benefactor of your exuberance.
But then you turn to confront this
surely impressed, surely charmed
future love of your life only to find
that they’re entirely unengaged and
uninterested in this whole dog and
pony show you’ve just put on. Mean-
while, you’ve made a new fake friend
who won’t leave your cheery ass
alone.

16. – 14 –
This is your life.
It has countless beginnings,
with just one end.

17. – 15 –
Mathematicians and scientists have
deduced that we know only about
4% of everything there is to know
about our existence, the universe, etc.
They’re 96% sure of it.

18. – 16 –
His eyebrows were heavy. They’d
held up the weight of hope, which
had collapsed with time.

19. – 17 –
My cheap watch has lasted over the
years. Without sleep, without breaks,
without fail.
It was counting down the years, days,
hours up to the point that we met.
And it’s still ticking now that we’ve
parted.
It has kept the time faithfully through
Mexico, Morocco, Europe, and Peru.
It has kept the time through all of
our time.
My cheap watch’s time has survived
everything, including the tenure of
our relationship.
And still it ticks.

20. – 18 –
It’s typically not kosher to
sympathize with a sympathizer.

21. – 19 –
A friend’s job provides health
insurance incentives for employees
that meet certain fitness goal criteria,
as measured by company-issued
Fitbits®.
This friend, who’s infinitely lazy,
found ways to still receive the en-
ticing benefits without exercising.
At first he would run the Fitbit®
through the dryer, which worked well
for a couple hours’ worth of exercise.
But then he realized how pleased the
device was with his “active lifestyle”
when he wore it while masturbating.
“Dude, I jacked off three miles
last night!”
Fitbit®. Push yourself.
(And maybe pull too).

22. – 20 –
You don’t need that
diamond-studded phone case.
Excessories.

23. – 21 –
The humor of going through airport
TSA:
You get to see what everyone looks
like after bad sex. The frantic pulling
on of clothing articles, the tripping
over of shoes, the haphazard slap-
ping of belts—just trying to get the
fuck out of there.

24. – 22 –
The British “artistic”
is the American “autistic.”
Both in how each nationality
pronounces and diagnoses it.

25. – 23 –
There’s an odd feeling you get
coming home from what should’ve
been you catching a flight out of
town.
You should be somewhere else. You
should be someone else. But you’re not.
You’re home. And you kind of feel
like an intruder.

26. – 24 –
Getting high and staring
at your wedding ring.

27. – 25 –
College courses that could help
a member of the mafia:
International Relations
Business Management
Product Distribution
Conflict Resolution
Anatomy
Marine Biology

28. – 26 –
“Why are we here?” man asked
of god.
God remained silent.
Silence was the conversation of
the why. It was where the answer
would always remain.
“What’s the point? Why live at
all?” man demanded of god,
frustrated with his silence.
Again god said nothing.
Man grew angry at god, and
started speaking for him. He waved
around his interpretation of what
god’s words surely must be. How
could god be silent when his greatest
creation, man, was so robust with
things to talk about?
“God must be teeming with
things to say, yet only a fraction is
coming out of us!” man surmised.

29. – 27 –
(cont.)
He convinced others to agree
with him.
They stood by their beliefs
through hunger and torture and
death.
Eventually man grew old, wea-
ry. He had spent a lifetime working
hard, questioning god, seeing little
gains. Man had thought all the things
he could think, spoken all the things
he could say for his god.
And so, at the end of his life,
man withdrew, becoming increasing-
ly pensive.
And silent.
And finally, man became one
with the why.
And finally, man became one
with god.

30. – 28 –
On the eighth day,
Jesus Christ was circumcised.

31. – 29 –
The end Period Please put a period
What are you doing No stop it I’m
begging you Stop it No please stop
I’ll do what you want Just please
place a goddamn period No you
don’t understand Stop This isn’t right
No Please This isn’t fucking right
This is torture Don’t Please Stop you
sick fuck Please Just let me die I don’t
deservethis Fuck you I hope youget
slauhgtered youfuckingcocKsuckr
FuckyouKill me dO it juskilmeaready
Doit alr.

32. – 30 –
A VIP and a very important person
are two very different things.

33. – 31 –
She had already cheated on him
dozens of times in her mind. The
only thing left was to do it.
He had a look in his eyes like he’d
just averted being caught staring at
you.
A despondent pair, they were. They
smelled of cigarettes and regret.

34. – 32 –
Hooters® for the wings.
Playboy® for the articles.
Porn for the plot twist.

35. – 33 –
If I click the
[Report…]
button when a computer
program crashes,
I feeling like I’m snitching.
Mostly I hit
[Ignore]
and we cool.

36. – 34 –
“I can explain!”
Explains it all.

37. – 35 –
Hard rappers doing white people
activities:
-Biggie Smalls on a Harley David-
son® (Motorious B.I.G.)
-Tupac rock climbing in Yosemite
-Jay Z engaging his Ujjayi breath
while in downward dog (“Keep those
lips sealed, Jay.”)
-Busta Rhymes trimming his front
yard’s hedges with safety glasses on

38. – 36 –
Beverly Hills.
The kind of place where the biggest
problems are those in the mirror.

39. – 37 –
She had the kind of timeless, exotic
beauty that made you realize you
didn’t know shit about Descartes or
Sophocles. Her eyes were intelligent
beyond knowing.

40. – 38 –
Humans will never invent a time
machine.
Why not? Because if humans were
ever able to invent a time machine,
they’d have travelled back in time to
the now to prevent certain things, or
be tweaking certain things. And our
world, I would hope, wouldn’t be as
fucked up as it is.
They’d have proven themselves as
time travelers to the public with their
clairvoyance, accurately predicting
events in what is our future, their
past. They’d have made their billions
off stock market predictions, Marty
McFly style, to fund their cause and
set forth change toward fixing things.

41. – 39 –
(cont.)
They’d have prevented global
catastrophe or nipped our current
problems in the bud.
Or maybe they have made a time
machine in the future and the
backwards time travelers just have
terrible social skills. Maybe they’re
the prophets panhandling on the side
of the road, hopeless and dejected
that nobody will listen to them.

42. – 40 –
Phone conversation so dirty you
might catch a textually transmitted
disease.

43. – 41 –
Has anyone ever said something that
just stuck with you, for no particular
reason? I strive to do that to people.
But the frustration sometimes lies in
hearing your own words parroted
back to you later down the road.
You want to slap the smug face that
botched your wisdom and the
ensuing anticipatory smirk that reads:
“Isn’t that smart?”
I know it’s smart, fuckwad. I told it
to you.

44. – 42 –
No more sacrilegious than an
aging female atheist
exercising at the YMCA®.

45. – 43 –
“You know what I mean?” (Part 1):
-You’re home alone but you still close
the bathroom door.
-Some women turn into monsters on
their birthday.
-A dull fatigue. With stale ‘forgot
to brush my teeth again’ breath to
match a mushy brain.
-The irrational fear of some ghost
switching on the garbage disposal
when your hand is down there fishing
out a bottle cap.
-Still don’t really know how cricket
works.

46. – 44 –
Our opinions and demeanor are
quite flexible when in the realm of
circumstance.
You may believe we need to
control population, but you’d never
admit it to your childless aunt who’s
been through two miscarriages.

47. – 45 –
The word ‘modern’ is still used today
to mean contemporary, even though
it has so much baggage that
contradicts this definition:
Modern is a past era.
Modern is a past century.
We’re even past postmodernism.
Where the fuck are we?
No wonder shit’s a mess.

48. – 46 –
The Fertile Crescent:
Still a relevant description of the
area if you’re a weapons contractor
for Lockheed Martin®.

49. – 47 –
To think how many whales were
mistakenly torpedoed during
WWII naval battles from
sketchy sonar readings.

50. – 48 –
Drafts Folder (68):
The unsent message series
Heartfelt e-mails written by a young
professional to his beloved cowork-
er, Christy, that he never sends but
instead saves to his drafts folder. The
writings are poetic and beautiful and
sad in their repressed longing.
Despite his strong love for her, he
never sends a single draft out of fear
of getting a visit with HR, or, even
worse, being denied.
When it is announced that she will
be moving on from the company for
other opportunities, our character is
devastated. When she’s been gone for
a week, he can’t take it anymore.

51. – 49 –
(cont.)
He starts sending her all the drafts,
one after the other. But before he can
even reach the third, he receives a
message back:
The message could not be sent
because one of the recipients was
rejected by the server. The reject-
ed e-mail address was ‘christy@
eplix.com.au’. Subject ‘I Love You’,
Account: ‘xxxxxx/EPLIX’, Serv-
er: ‘SMTP.EPLIX.NET’, Protocol:
SMTP, Server Response: ‘452 4.1.1
... temporary failure’, Port: 25,
Secure(SSL): No, Server Error: 452,
Error Number: 0x800CCC79

52. – 50 –
Getting tired of living the montage.

53. – 51 –
He was a buttoned-down,
loose cannon.
Not unlike the whiskey
that sat aggressively passive
in his unassuming coffee cup.

54. – 52 –
Humans are simultaneously the most
beautiful and most wretched things
of this earth.

55. – 53 –
How do you tell your significant
other that you’re the closest you’ve
ever felt to being in love, but it still
doesn’t feel like that…that gushy
movie bullshit?
The relationship’s not knocking you
off your feet—never really has. But
it’s nice enough you guess…

56. – 54 –
The smartest criminals
aren’t criminals.

57. – 55 –
From the hunger, there were
moments where his gut would churn
and seem to collapse. He could hear
the chatter from the inner walls of
his stomach meeting each other, like
old friends—bearing gifts of pins and
razors. The grumbling sounded like
untrimmed fingernails scraping the
bottom of a coffee cup for change.
And yet their hollow grinding was
satisfying if for
nothing more than a confirmation of
his starvation.

58. – 56 –
The Shell® logo
looks like an empty gas gauge.

59. – 57 –
The expression
‘he could sell ice to a polar bear’
has taken on a completely new
meaning with the advent of
climate change.

60. – 58 –
That greedy guilt when you open a
card and nothing falls out except for
a loved one’s heartfelt message.

61. – 59 –
It would be egocentric to think that
humankind has come anywhere close
to the big answer, and yet there’s
semblance of a conclusive answer in
this humbled thinking.

62. – 60 –
The kind of man who looks at his
watch without ever really looking at
his watch.

63. – 61 –
Non Sequitur Similes (Part 2):
-Like saying the word moist around
women.
-Like having to shit while taking a
shower.
-Purposefully relaxed—like arriving
at your airport gate with half an
hour to spare.
-Like asking Stephen Hawking for
his autograph.
-Like calling in sick on 4/20.
-Like asking a CEO to submit his
hours.

64. – 62 –
I only became depressed
once I started writing.

65. – 63 –
The walls were afraid of silence.
What would they want of me?
They’d want a dramatic exit. One
that would leave her awake with
dread and heartbreak until the sun
had lapped through to the dawn.
Should I abide by the walls’ desires?
Giving them the satisfaction they had
been granted so many times before?
It was almost inevitable, really, that
they would soon get what they
wanted.
Walls have always wanted crumbling.
They let on slowly, but they always
get what they want.

66. – 64 –
Wool socks
Birkenstocks®

67. – 65 –
Band Name Ideas:
Millennial Manifesto
Being Impossibly
Mastodon Juan
Killer USB
Lost Thought
The Faux Fir Chauffeurs
Souled Out
Metrognomes
of_the_grid
The Plaintiffs
Snaps + Thuds
flesh toned socks
Nixon Radio Debate
The Stained Spittoons
Baseball Sounds
Insect Dreams
Donny’s Left Shoe
Butcher Brown Existential
[Pop]
[Christian Rock]
[Reggaeton]
[Glitchstep]
[Americana]
[Ska]
[New-Age Soul]
[Techno]
[Lounge]
[Punk]
[Rap]
[Grunge]
[Bluegrass]
[Alt Indie]
[Trip Hop]
[Alt Rock]
[Swing]
[R&B]

68. – 66 –
My latest book,
How to Piss a Hipster Off,
is coming to an
independently-owned
bookstore near you.

69. – 67 –
Book titles that would cause a double
take:
Sisyphus’ Syphilis
Uber Diaries: Getting Lyfted
White on White Racism
De-Funkifying Your Second-Hand
Marital Bed
Major Tom’s Erectile Dysfunc-
tion
The Adventures of Pussybreath
AIDS Bullets: Semen and Blood

70. – 68 –
Mohawk Airlines: (chem)trail of tears

71. – 69 –
When you’re at a party and you say
something weird, everyone politely
laughs and silently sips at their drinks
in unison.
Sometimes there’s no lonelier feeling
than being surrounded by people.

72. – 70 –
Perhaps nothing can be more
projecting than a
misinterpreted silence.

73. – 71 –
The big disconnects between texting
and talking:
1.) Sarcasm is incredibly difficult to
pick up on.
2.) If you’re in an epic text battle and
one of the parties decides to call the
other in the midst of it, the person
who answers will almost always
answer as if nothing happened...
“Hello? Hey what’s up?”
As if you didn’t spend the past 20
minutes aggressively fingering your
screen.

74. – 72 –
In a public bathroom or elevator,
everyone may be wanting
to laugh out loud.
But no one will.

75. – 73 –
The pause of heated inflection when
a woman’s neck is kissed. This is the
moment she’ll either put things to an
end, or give in to her lover’s shared
desire.

76. – 74 –
The fart of a zipper.

77. – 75 –
He was sick of his aging relatives
making the same sarcastically
shallow joke about how he must not
have liked his food because he had
eaten so quickly and thoroughly.
Haha, yeah I get it right?
Because I ate everything, right?
Haha, that’s so funny…oh my god.
[Shut the fuck up]

78. – 76 –
Misfit word groups that should really
hang out more but “just have so
much going on already”:
genius sex sleep
destitute olfactory spittle
sumptuous purgatory
benign quaff tic
noxious cairn dialect
exponential crass conundrum

79. – 77 –
We’re insignificant, cancerous specks
of dust in the universe.
Parts per million, as it were.

80. – 78 –
Living across the street from a
park, you see a lot of things. And by
far, dog owners are the most
entertaining. There are those who
walk their dogs, and those who are
walked by their dogs. The latter
will be on a run and literally stop
on a dime to let their dog sniff up
some other pooch’s shit. Meanwhile,
they’re just jogging in place, ignoring
the fact that they’re the owner.

81. – 79 –
(cont.)
The worst are owners who don’t
pick up after their dogs. Some are
amazingly talented at finding
something that’s pressingly urgent
as soon as their dog starts to shit.
You can easily pick these people out
because they’re the ones without any
pooper baggies attached to the leash.
And still there are others who
enjoy watching their dog shit and
blatantly walking away without even
pretending to have an excuse.
“Good boy.”

82. – 80 –
“It’s the last thing on my mind...”
is never a true statement.

83. – 81 –
We can fly past the sound barrier
but still instruct the common people
how to put on a life jacket
for a flight from Denver to Vegas.

84. – 82 –
“…”
“...oh thank god. Forgot I ate beets.”

85. – 83 –
Undesirable tattoo script ideas:
-Rhymes with shmushshmortion
-Stinging with pride (accompanied with
image of hornet)
-Cold as balls. Hot as tits.
-(i’m)perfections
-fomosexual
-Adapt or die.
-Hope you like it!
-Non Paenitet (“No Regrets” in Latin)

86. – 84 –
“I’m not racist,
I’m just trying to prove a point.”

87. – 85 –
The rustling of sheets.
The grunting exhales
of animalistic disgust.
The bottom of their shirts tickling
their lower abdomens felt even better
than bare skin—
grazing their stomachs with an
exposed sensation that only rushed,
spontaneous sex could provide.

88. – 86 –
Dizzy with nostalgia.

89. – 87 –
Anyone who has ever consumed
marijuana has had the thought:
“Oh my god, it’s going to be me...
I’m going to be the first one
to die from this shit.”

90. – 88 –
A sex-crazed artist ejaculates onto
a canvas as part of an ongoing art
project. To communicate his sex
addiction through art, he sets a rule
for the piece: each contributing
ejaculation has to come from a new
sexual encounter. When he gets
close to coming, he dismounts his
unassuming partner and runs across
the paint-splattered floor of his New
York studio to finish onto the crusty
canvas. His working title for the oth-
erwise colorless piece: Shooting a Blank
He meets a woman he really likes,
perhaps even loves. He knows he
wants the ejaculation she induces
him to be the finishing stroke on the
canvas. But he can’t finish with her—
he has a mental block.

91. – 89 –
(cont.)
So he masturbates onto the canvas
while thinking of her and decides to
call the work finished. He realizes
just how similar this act, this short-
cut, has been to most marriages. A
compromise to a dream. An abbre-
viated, truncated version of what
he had hoped his life and his work
would be. He decides then and there
to never marry, and the woman he
maybe, probably loves, leaves him
upon learning of his newfound sen-
timent.
He sells the work to a gallery in the
city for a nice price. Below the hang-
ing canvas, a sign reads:
Please do not touch

92. – 90 –
Duct tape is life’s condiment.

93. – 91 –
It’s weird when you don’t know your
neighbors. They could be anyone.
The people you walk past in the
store. The disgruntled passengers on
your flight out of town. The suckers
with a broken down car on the side
of the road. Anyone.

94. – 92 –
You can always tell when someone
isn’t listening to you.
The sigh.
The look to the side.
The premature “yeah.”

95. – 93 –
Ryan Gosling.
Good looking? Absolutely.
But also the kind of guy that you
could picture with a lazy eye.

96. – 94 –
You are who you hate.
(Why I could never really be myself)

97. – 95 –
As the movie credits rolled, they
started kissing.
He, overtly passionate and increas-
ingly breathy—incorporating more
tongue than she would’ve preferred.
She, thinking almost audibly, surely
audibly—“I hate this, I hate this.”
How could it be, when two heads
shared such a close space, that
thoughts could not permeate
between them?
What would the world look like if
this were a possibility? She thought.
The lights came on. She pulled away.

98. – 96 –
Let me guess...
your blog’s coming soon.

99. – 97 –
Drinking and then driving versus
drinking while driving is like peeing
in the pool versus peeing into the
pool.

100. – 98 –
“…or she!”
When someone’s trying really hard
to sound gender unbiased in
conversation.

101. – 99 –
I love you.
Your stride, confident and concise.
Your hair, rich and recalcitrant.
Your body, sensual and supple.
I love you.
And I have yet to see your face.

102. – 100 –
Green tea.
The only time you’re happy it’s
“Made in China”

103. – 101 –
It cheapened the plot. Like a porn
star playing an innocent character,
only to reveal an array of tattoos
when undressed.

104. – 102 –
Guilt:
Are you feeling something if you
know you’re not feeling something?

105. – 103 –
“You know what I mean?” (Part 2):
-Coming up with an idea that
someone had hopped on years ago.
-Walking into a crowded bar and
completely blanking on who you’re
looking for.
-The cigarette always smells different
when you’re the one behind it.
-Finding yourself holding your
breath while walking down the
medicine aisle during the peak of flu
season.
-Using more emojis when you feel
guilty.

106. – 104 –
When I’m alone and excited
I do this thing where
I flap my hands and
yell strange noises.
I’m like an elated penguin.

107. – 105 –
Our calendar’s culture is incredi-
bly misleading to the way the seasons
actually work.
In the Northern Hemisphere,
days start becoming shorter in June
and longer in December. Christmas
takes place within a week of fall
ending.
Perhaps it’s time to listen to the
emotions of the earth over the
culture of the calendar.

108. – 106 –
Chain-smoking cigarettes
makes you feel like
you’re breathing
out of a
coffee
straw
when
you
e
x
e
r
c
i
s
e
.

109. – 107 –
Globs of sleep mucus viscously
running down his brain like slow-
dripped coffee. A gradual osmosis
from sleep to wake, tickling his
dream/reality threshold.
When he awoke it was always the
first thing to come to mind.
“Oh yeah, fuck. The accident.”
He wanted to hide in those first few
milliseconds that separated sleep
from wake. The time that wasn’t yet
committed to the horrible memory
that haunted him.

110. – 108 –
Apple®
App(costs $0.99, fuck that)le®
App(I AGREE TO ALL TERMS
AND CONDITIONS)le®

111. – 109 –
“What kind of price
do you think Elon Musk’s
sperm would go for?”
“I don’t know,
it probably fluctuates
with Tesla’s® stock index.”

112. – 110 –
The only manufacture defect being
that the product was long outlasting
its designed 2 year warranty.

113. – 111 –
The violating and relentless
penetration of the oil rig.
So sexual in its act.
It’s like the ultimate
“your mom”
joke on mother earth.

114. – 112 –
I write myself love poems that
I think you would write me.
But I don’t even know you yet.

115. – 113 –
Fun descriptors for phat beats:
-Snappy
-Tossive
-Bulked
-Tempo splatter
-Surge squadron

116. – 114 –
“She looks like she’s horny for
books,” he thought.
He was normally a cool cat, but the
curiosity was killing him.

117. – 115 –
Nowadays, when you look into the
eye of a camera, it’s hard to know
whether you’re looking at billions of
people, or no one at all.
[ 0 ]

118. – 116 –
This page left unintentionally blank.

119. – 117 –
The average smartphone user spends
3 years of their life looking at their
phone.
The average philosopher must spend
10 years staring out the window.

120. – 118 –
White people.
White people everywhere.

121. – 119 –
“Baths, wine, and sex ruin our
bodies. But what makes life worth
living except baths, wine, and sex?”
-Corpus Inscriptionis VI, 15258
Funny that all of those things, with
moderation, have actually been
proven to be healthy.

122. – 120 –
If 100% more is double...
What is 200%?

123. – 121 –
World Series tied 3-3...
Bottom of the 9th...
Tie ball game...
Bases loaded...
Two outs...
Full count...
...
...
“Car comin’...game off!”