English essay computers

1. SCHOOL OF ARCHITECTURE, BUILDING & DESIGN
Foundation ofNatural Build Environment(FNBE) AUG 2014 INTAKE
ENGLISH 1
[ENGL0105 / ELG 30505]
NAME: JONATHAN LIM WEI JUN
STUDENT ID: 0321119
GROUP/SESSION: MONDAY 11AM-1PM GROUP
SUBMISSION DATE: 30TH APRIL 2015

2. Pre-writing: Causes why people spend too much time on computers.
SCRATCH-OUTLINE
Introduction
Welcome to the modern generation – technology has advanced – progressed
into a faster lifestyle – computers - found in your personal space – also available
mobile – “eyes glued to the screen” – in a day - 70% of our attention and time –
especially the younger generation – causes behind this phenomenon – studies –
social networking – business – games
Studies;
– Assignments (software such as Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint and etc. for
more efficient progress and to achieve a better standard of work)
– Online research through the internet (search engines such as google, reference
websites such as Wikipedia, blogs and websites that provide information about the
subject)
Social networks;
– To keep in touch with friends (junior or high school, college, university, work.
Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, Skype, Tumblr, Pinterest.)
– Dating (Single people of the modern age. Find relationships online. Shy,
unconfident. Several platforms that provide dating services. Online dating websites,
Omegle)
Games;
– Addiction (Enjoyable entertainment, mentally stimulating, the brain releases a
hormone called dopamine that drives them to continue playing the game, as the
challenges diminish, they would seek an even more challenging game to play.)
– Influenced at a young age (Generation Y, as the youth now were born into a
modern age, they grew up around the entertainment of computer games since they
were at least a year old. A normal activity for them.)
– Prefers to stay indoors (Hot and humid weather. Reluctant to leave the house. Not
active in outdoor activities. Comfort of their own homes. Entertainment is a mouse
click away.)

3. Business
– Online shopping (Fashion apparel, delivery, specific brands would own a website,
convenient for the customers. Grocery shopping, similar method. Several platforms
for wider market such as Ebay, Amazon, local platform – Mudah.com.)
- Travel (Holidays. Business. Booking flights or even cruises. Overseas or domestic.
Usually paid by credit card. Supposedly a short process, however, people would
spend between half an hour to an hour double checking their online registration form.
Cautious of invalid entry due to error in information given.)
Conclusion
In conclusion, studies, social networking, games and businesses are a few of
the main causes of why a large numbers of people and children spend most of their
in front of computer screens. However, it is an unhealthy activity for the body and
mind too much time is spent on the computer. Hence, computers should be shut
down, smart phones set aside, TVs on standby, instead enjoy what Mother Nature
has to offer outside.

4. 1. Causes of why people spend too much time on computers.
Welcome to the modern generation, as technology has advanced in the past
few years so have humans as we have progressed into a faster lifestyle. One of the
most utilised product of technology is the computer. Today, a computer can be found
in your personal space at home or carried around as a laptop to your office, school,
library and etc. However, the term “eyes glued to the screen” has become a popular
metaphor in today’s context. In a day, 70% of our attention and time is spent in front
of computers or laptops. Especially the younger generation. There are a few causes
behind this phenomenon, a few of which are education, social networking, business
and games.
Modern education has evolved from simple text books and notebooks to the
abilities of the computer. Computer software such as Microsoft Word, Excel,
PowerPoint and more. have become the new platform for doing assignment. An
example would be when you would see a student type away hours on his laptop in
the corner of Starbucks. Besides, online research through the internet has benefited
many students without a doubt. Search engines such as google, reference websites
like Wikipedia and blogs and websites that provide information about the desired
subject are all just a click away. However, due to the dense load of information
online, students would spend hours to days processing and reading the information
found online.
Social networking has become the new face of social communication.
Platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, Skype, Tumblr and
Pinterest are being used to keep ourselves updated about old friends from junior or
high school, peers from college or university, people at work and more. However,

5. people find these social networks addicting and spend hours on it. Online dating has
also become a viable option to many single people. Single people of the modern age
seem to have become shy and unconfident if they were to approach the opposite
sex. And the solution to that would online dating websites such as Omegle. But then
again, people take ages to find their perfect match online.
About a more serious issue would be the mental gaming addiction children
have inhibited these days. Children recognise games as an enjoyable entertainment
that is mentally stimulating. The reason why children constantly want to play games
is because the brain releases a hormone called dopamine that drives them to
continue to play more games. As the challenges in each game diminish, they would
seek an even more challenging game to play. In addition, they are influenced at a
young age as young as a year old. So much so that they are known as ‘Generation
Y’. Being born into a modern age, they grew up around the entertainment of
computer games since they were at least a year old. They consider it as a normal
activity. Furthermore, children prefer to stay indoors as the condition of the weather
outside is typically hot and humid. Reluctant to leave the house, they become
inactive in outdoor activities but instead choose the comfort of their own homes as
entertainment is a just mouse click away.
Online shopping, the future shopping trend for the future generation. People
spend hours browsing the internet for fashion apparels. As nowadays, branded
clothing lines have their own website that make shopping for their customers
convenient with the benefits of delivery services and cash on delivery payments.
Grocery shopping has also evolved in a similar manner. These are a few of the most
visited platforms by people for wider markets, Ebay, Amazon, and even the local
platform Mudah.com. Besides, people have been found travelling more with the

6. convenience of online registration and booking. Either for a holiday or a business trip
overseas or domestic, booking flights or even cruises had never been easier. It is
supposedly a short process, however people would spend between half an hour to
an hour double checking their online registration form as they are cautious of invalid
entry due to error in information given.
In conclusion, studies, social networking, games and businesses are a few of
the main causes of why a large numbers of people and children spend most of their
in front of computer screens. However, it is an unhealthy activity for the body and
mind too much time is spent on the computer. Hence, computers should be shut
down, smart phones set aside, TVs on standby, instead enjoy what Mother Nature
has to offer outside.
(742 words.)

7. MARKING CRITERIA
Descriptors Level 1 Level 2 Level 3 Level 4 Level 5 Total
Percentage 40-49% 50-59% 60-69% 70-79% 80%& above Marks
Prewriting - 10
(per paragraph)
Lack
supporting
detailsor
examples
One
supporting
detailor
example
Two
supporting
detailsor
examples
3 supporting
detailsor
examples
Goodand
sequentially
developed
Unity – 10
(Structure)
Intro/Supporting
Paragraphs/
Conclusion
Essay is not
assigned
with the
topic with
general
introduction
and
conclusion
2 main
ideas
provided
with general
supporting
ideaswith
general
introduction
and
conclusion.
3 main
ideas
provided
but they
are loosely
connected.
Introduction
with a
thesis
statement
anda
general
conclusion.
Provided a
thesis statement
with 3 topic
sentencesbut
eachparagraph
contains2or
less specific
details.No
recommendation
for the
conclusion.
Well developed
introductionwith
a thesis
statement, 3 topic
sentencesand3
specific details
for each
paragraphsand
has
recommendations
for the
conclusion.
Support– 30 Provides
general
ideaswith
onespecific
detail.
Provides
two specific
details.
Logical
progression
in ideas.3-
4specific
details
included.
Logical
progressionin
ideas.5-7
specific details
included.
Ideas are clear
andlogical.
Provides 8 or
morespecific
detailswith
resource
information.
Coherence –30 Essays
showlittle
development
or
relationship
among
ideas.
Uses 2 or
less
transitional
wordsor
other word
connectors.
Lackof
logical
progression.
Uses 3
word
connectors.
Sequence
of ideais
evident.
Uses 4 word
connectors.
Logical
progressionof
ideas.
Showsan in-
depth
understandingof
topic and
provides
independent
thought.
Sentenceskills
20
Compose
simpleand
monotonous
sentences.
Serious
errors in
choiceof
Compose
simple
sentences
with
numerous
errors in
mechanics.
Compound
sentences
with fewer
errors in
mechanics.
Complex
sentence
structureand
consistentuse
of mechanics.
Freefrom errors
in sentence
structure, choice
of words and
grammar.

8. wordsand
mechanics.
Appropriate
choiceof
words.
Ability to
use precise
choiceof
words.

9. REFERENCES:
 Video Game Addiction. (n.d.). Retrieved June 14, 2015, from
http://www.kidpointz.com/video-game-addiction/
 (n.d.). Retrieved June 14, 2015, from
http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/jun/05/is-my-child-spending-too-
much-time-playing-video-games
 What Spending Too Much Time Sitting On The Computer Is Doing To Your Health.
(2015, April 27). Retrieved June 14, 2015, from
http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/what-spending-too-much-time-
sitting-on-the-computer-is-doing-to-your-health/
 MailOnline, E. (2012, July 18). Can't tear yourself away from the computer? Too
much time online can lead to stress, sleeping disorders and depression. Retrieved
June 14, 2015, from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2175230/Too-
time-online-lead-stress-sleeping-disorders-depression.html
 The Impact of VideoGames.(n.d.).RetrievedJune 14,2015, from
http://www.pamf.org/parenting-teens/general/media-web/videogames.html