1. Know Thyself
Be Determined- You can doit!
When I was a child, I used by bite mynails. This habit continued even when I was in high school,
until one day I looked at them, and gasped. My fingers looked absolutely ugly tome. I would think of my
mom’s fingers and I’dsee them in mymind eye. They always looked so graceful, andI (quite unfortunately?)
inherited myfather’s nails. They look great on him (he gets manicures all the time), but onme…Well, they
weren’t spectacular. What could I do with my genetic “gift”? I thought really hard about it, and it occurredto
me thatmaybe my fingers would look morelike my mum’sif I grewout mynails even alittle. The only
problem I could see with mylittle plan was that I loved tobite off mynails. I never chewed it or anything, but
when they grewout I just always felt this compulsion to tear them off.I think it was because it was so funto
do (don’tmind me). Anyway, I thought about it long and hard, which would I love todo more, peel my nails
or have pretty fingers (lol). I didn’t think I could go cold turkey, I mean, whoa! Cold turkey? I didn’t think I
had the strength, but I did know I was a fairly goodstrategist.
Be strategic – Have a plan
I had noticed that mypinky finger grew exponentially fast (it was a favorite past time of mine to peel
the nails with delight after all). So, I asked myself, “how do I wean myself off this habit and notgo
spectacularly nuts?” (Ok, so maybe not in those words). It came to mein a flash, focus my nail biting habit on
my pinky finger and let the restgrow, and hopefully beproven right on thepretty thing and be encouraged to
keep going. Ha! Itwasn’t easy, but I did it and I was rewarded with prettyfingers :).I was so pleased with
myself (Itwas hilarious), even my housemother (hi) noticed and commended me on it. One of thethings I
learned from that episode was that first, people will notice when you make an effort,and two, anything is
possible. Itsounds kind of strange to have made thatleap, butit really wasn’t. I did it! I grew mynails. Itwas
a revelation for me. I kicked a habit that went so far that I couldn’t even remember its origin. Do youknow
how many times I received a lecture about the habit as I was growing up? Countless.
Be proactive - You have to want it
Many people had lectured me, but I ignored them because atthat moment I didn’t want it. I had more
funpeeling off my nails so I didn’t see the value in letting them grow. Everything changed when I decided

2. that it had to. No onebrought me aside and gave me a life changing pep talk. I just decided for myself. It’s
important that we make up our minds about whowe want to be. Even till this day, looking back atit, I marvel
at thesignificance of those moments. The moment I decided toactually make achange and thetime that my
housemother (hi again) mentioned that she had noticed it (probably because I went overboardand grew it a
little longer than necessary :D, but she did commend me on it). Those defining moments gave me an idea of
my ownstrength. They also gave mean idea of the type of person I was. From that day, whenever someone
asked mewhat type of person I was, I would look into their eyes with the firm knowledge of who I was. I was
Jelilat, thedetermined girl.
Be you - Know thyself
Itsounds so generic, but knowing whoyou are is a powerful thing. Most people, whenever they’re
asked about themselves, will list a bunch of attributes like “I’m intelligent” “I’m determined” (Yes, I know,
totally counterintuitive, butbe patient) “I’m beautiful” etc. You get theidea, butI believe thatmost of those
people don’treally know thepower of what they’re saying. “Who are you?” is such a big question thatmost
people spend their lives trying to answer (I’m notsaying I’ve gotit all figured out, but I’m trying). “Who are
you?” When you list all of these attributes, doyou really feel the weight of them? I can just see someone in
my head, listing these attributes while lolling their head around. To those people, the list is rote.It’s just
something they say on the first day of class when introducing themselves, or something theytell totheir
friends. For me, andpeople like me who have had defining moments, these words carry weight. Even with
this weight, they propel us tothe future. They’re thedrumbeat we hear thatno one else hears andthe oldest
question in theworld in the world answered (Somaybe I watch Dr. Who).
Be smart - Give yourself a chance
One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is toknow yourself. Have youseen those movies? You
know, the ones where the boys and girls sneak out of the house to goto theclub, get pregnant or geton drugs?
Because they were influenced by their peers? Well, I think thatthose people don’tknow themselves (atleast
not yet, they usually doby the end of the movie). As a teen(or at any age really), you’reconstantly trying to
figure out yourself, and sometimes thatmeans youadopt other people’s ways of life. I would say that’s fine,
simply because you’restill discovering yourself, and because you will sometimes adopt other people’s way of

3. life (your parent’s included, and hopefully not theclub goers and drinker’s). Life usually demands thatyou
explore it, and youwill heed thatcall, butwhen you do, think! Be moderate, don’tgo all in because you have
no idea where thatmight lead. I’m notsaying youshouldn’t take chances, butI am advising thatyou consider
the pros andcons and doyour research (watch a Nigerian movie :D). But seriously, you’resmart. You know
better, or you will know better, but think safe. You’ll figure it out, although it might take therest of your life.
That is okay. You’re you, and you’redifferent from everyone else, embrace that. Trust me, it’ll make you so
much happier, and you’ll also be much moreconfident. Love thyself.
xoxo
Jelilat