Hippies are described as an infestation that first emerged in the 1960s in Haight-Ashbury and spread across the US. While some communities have been able to reduce hippie populations, there is no permanent cure. Diagnosis of a hippie outbreak involves smells of marijuana and alternative clothing/music. Treatments aim to deny hippies access to food, clothing, and music through banning health foods stores and resale clothing. Military personnel, soap, and firearms have also shown success in deterring and treating hippie infestations. Some hippie strains have proven resistant over decades and can reemerge during protests or festivals.

1. The Prevention of Hippies in
Your Community
A Manual on Hippie Infestation
“Once thought to be eradicated here in the United States, Hippies are re-emerging after nearly 30 years
of dormancy, prompting new interest in preventing potentially lethal and devastating outbreaks.”

2. 1
Table of Contents
Introduction............................................................................................................. 2
Addressing the Hippie Issue............................................................................. 3
Living with Hippies...............................................................................................4
Diagnosis and Treatment for Hippies.......................................................... 5
A Deterrent to Hippies....................................................................................... 6
Virulent Strains of Hippies............................................................................... 7

3. 2
Introduction
Hippie infestations have been prevalent as early as ancient Greek times.
Hippocrates described the cutaneous spreading of Hippies and scholars of
Greek civilization define the Greek word "hee-paez", literally "to stink and
annoy".
The first US outbreak of Hippies was recorded in Haight Ashbury in 1966, in
what scientists believe to be a virulent offshoot of the "Beatniks"
infestation that plagued America in the 1950's.
Following the Summer of Love in 1967, Haight Ashbury was overrun with
Hippies thus starting the pandemic.
Spreading quickly across the USA, numerous cities have become infected
with Hippies, especially the western towns of Taos New Mexico and
Manitou Springs Colorado.
As the pandemic grew, small towns as far away as Glastonbury England
found themselves battling repulsive infestations of Hippies. Hippies can
devastate communities and health experts remain divided on the most
effective methods to prevent new outbreaks.
“Once thought to be eradicated here in the United States, Hippies are re-
emerging after nearly 30 years of dormancy, prompting new interest in
preventing potentially lethal and devastating outbreaks.”
The repugnant nature of Hippies outbreaks calls for extreme measures.
We must act, now!
- James G. Artre

4. 3
Addressing the Hippie Issue
I am no stranger to swarming Hippies and I have seen firsthand how a
hippie’s outbreak can devastate a community. I was born in a small town
just West of Fort Worth, Texas and I witnessed first-hand the devastating
Hippie outbreak in Palm Beach in the late 1960's. Believe me, anything
brave enough to cross Jacksboro Highway wasted is one mean critter!
This legendary Hippie infestation was immortalized in the South Park
episode “Die, Hippie Die” - where the perils and treatments for Hippies
were first revealed to a concerned public.
South Park also enlightened the public about the different strains of
Hippies:
 Giggling Stoners
 College know-it-all Hippies, and
 Drum Circle Hippies
Given that there is no cure for Hippies, let us explore some ways that
communities are attempting to minimize and control Hippies outbreaks.

5. 4
Living with Hippies
Hippies remain a huge problem overseas despite efforts, immunization, and
eradication. Even after 40 years of concerted efforts, there is no cure for
Hippies but there are some things that you can do to prevent future
outbreaks of Hippies.
In some areas, Hippies will become dormant, awakening only to changes in
the environment. For example, Stonehenge remains Hippie-free
throughout the year, but suffers a severe outbreak of Hippies at the precise
moment of the summer solstice.
Doctors still have no explanation for this weird phenomena and the
correlation between Hippies outbreaks and the environment remains a
mystery.
Another promising story is that of Greenwich Village, a community nearly
destroyed by Hippies in the 1970’s. Today, the Village people have
overcome and there are barely any remnants of their hippies.
Living with Hippies is really a misnomer, since no one really wants to live
with Hippies; except other Hippies.

6. 5
Diagnosis and Treatment for Hippies
There are several warning signs that your community may have Hippies:
 A pungent, acrid smell in public places
 Reeks of Marijuana or other illegal substances
 Signs bearing the word Holistic
 Loss of shoes and urination in public
 The sound of ancient rock and roll music; followed by the removal of
clothing at random, and without warning.
Hippies’ infestations are very nasty and most treatments include aggressive
aversion therapy. Over the past 40 years, several homeopathic treatments
were explored with some success:
 Keep the infected area clean and dry - Hippies detest cleanliness
 Cut off their nourishment - Altering their natural environmental can
help to reduce the outbreaks, and researchers recommend removing
all health food stores in your community.
 Deny food – Be careful not to throw excess food or partially eaten
burgers, fries, hot dogs, etc away. Hippies are notorious for
rummaging through the trash seeking food.
 Ban resale clothing stores – Since Hippies love to shop at resale
clothing stores for their “attire”, denying them access to clothes has
met with some success.

7. 6
A Deterrent to Hippies
Perhaps one of the best deterrents to a Hippie infestation is Rednecks; also
referred to as “Hick” and “Cracker”. Rednecks remain one of the most
effective treatments for outbreaks of Hippies.
Perhaps just as effective against Hippies, are the military treatments and
regular regimens of “US Marine” or “Wing Nut” are effective at removing a
Hippie infestation.
A natural healing formula called “soap” became available a number of years
ago, and this, too, has shown to have Hippie repelling qualities. But then
again, since Hippies are so nasty, anything clean may repel them.
This formula has become very popular when taken in a combined format
where one product treats the outbreak of the Hippies, while the other
provides a daily maintenance preventative program. If used properly and
consistently, these programs may also reduce the chance you will infect
your neighboring towns with Hippies.
Over the counter treatments against Hippies prescribed
under the names “Smith & Wesson” and “Colt” have had
amazing results against Hippie infestations. If used on a
regular basis they can reduce the outbreaks frequency and
severity. In addition, when the recurrence does occur, the
Hippie infestation is much milder and of shorter duration.

8. 7
Virulent Strains of Hippies
Many of the original Hippies are still around and have proven to be
extremely difficult to control, even after decades of effort.
Some strains of Hippies are resistant to treatments.
Once infected, a community may never be able to eradicate hippies,
especially in light of the new resistant strains.
Hippies can survive in a community for decades, only to reappear when
stimulated by a liberal protest or music festival.
Even when Hippies are in remission, we must always remember that they
can re-appear, even after decades of dormancy.
Please join the fight against Hippies!
The public is mobilizing; State and Federal funding for a permanent solution
to Hippies will be forthcoming.
While Hippies continue to be problematic, it is hoped that medical research
and community involvement can someday provide a permanent solution.
Stay vigilant!
James