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Issue: #04 – Now With Concentrate
DISCLAIMER: This paper is published by a student recognized organization at CCSU. The ideas and opinions produced in this paper are stupid, fake and don’t represent anyone.
CCSU to Create More
Sports Teams
By: Alexander Wrobel
In the last year, CCSU has started looking for
more ways to get students to become active and healthy. To
promote healthy living, CCSU will be starting new sports
teams this coming year. At this time, there have been many
suggestions as to which sports should be offered. Rumors
have begun circulating that the list may include tug-of-
war, rope climbing, horseshoes, and joggling. Tim Wright,
a junior majoring in athletic training, feels strongly about
this idea. Tim stated, “I think we need to promote active
lifestyles by giving students low-stress, high-fun things to
do. The entire campus would benefit from it.”
Many of the teams that are going to be created
involve low-stress activities that are very easy to play.
Horseshoes and rope climbing, for example, will get
students to go outside and be active. Tug-of-war will
allow students to experience teamwork, and it will help
them understand the value of working with others.
Joggling, a sport which consists of juggling while jogging,
will promote hand-eye coordination and cardiovascular
health. This sport may be a new concept to a lot of CCSU
students. Nikolai Zossimov, a recently hired professor,
was the one who suggested this sport to the school, and
he is hoping to coach the team. Zossimov stated, “I can’t
see how joggling won’t benefit CCSU. The students need
to be coordinated, healthy, and happy. The key to this
is juggling while jogging. I don’t know how no one else
already thought of this.”
The goal of the new teams is to give students a
leisurely way to be involved with the sports program that
is uncompetitive. Wright stated, “If we make these new
sports all about winning, someone will lose. That’s no
good.” Wright hopes to see the new teams create positive
experiences for students. Wright looks forward to hearing
things around campus about these new sports teams.
Wright anticipates hearing, “Hey, I can’t make it to that
huge party, I have to go to joggling.”
“When that happens,” he said, “we’ll know we
made a difference.”
Zossimov stated he is excited to be working with
students in a way that can make CCSU a healthier, happier
community. Next year, he will be pushing for these new
sports to be started. Hopefully by 2015, CCSU will have
these activities in place leading to a happier, healthier
campus.
Elihu Burritt Library to
Become Living Museum
By: Garri Saganenko
In an email distributed en masse to the Central
Connecticut State University student body last week,
school administrators revised their plans for renovating
the Elihu Burritt Library. The email stated:
“In light of recent CSU budget cuts, the university
has decided to implement a plan of preservation, not
renovation, for the remaining second, third, and fourth
floors of the library. As a whole, the university believes
this will not only make the necessary budget cuts to
deter the rise in tuition
prices, but that it will
actually add revenue due to
the prospective historical
value of these three
floors.” The announcement
surprised some, but not
CCSU student Francisco
D’anconia, who shared,
“I figured this would happen because when they said they
were renovating the third floor, they only moved some
tables and chairs around. It’s kind of cool ‘cause now I
know what it was like when my dad went here.”
As expected, the history and anthropology
departments celebrated the news, releasing this joint
statement: “The history and anthropology departments
are thrilled with the university’s decision. This opens
up a whole new field of research for the both of us.”
Conversely, the construction management faction of the
university was thoroughly disappointed.
“I guess we’ll be stuck surveying the area near
Copernicus Parking Garage again,” mused Bob Tonka,
a professor in the department. It is not clear how the
university plans to ensure the preservation of said floors.
In the meantime, they urged all campus tours to not go
beyond the first floor, citing possible irreversible damage
to artifacts as the reason.
This came as common sense to well-renowned
campus tour guide Edmund Hillary, who said, “Yeah, I
usually don’t go beyond the circulation desk anyways. We
want them to actually go here, right?”
WILD
We’re Totally Serious
photo taken from ccsu.edu
2. Feel free to contact us at “deuces_wild@aol.com” if you’re interested in the club.
Theater Majors as
Next RAs
By: Ethan Pelletier
By: Garri Saganenko
Theater majors have been the focus in the search
for new Resident Assistants at Central Connecticut State
University. “We want people who can act the part and play
a big role,” said Resident Director Gordon Levy. “There
are situations when it is important for RAs to be able to
act.”
The emphasis for theater majors began with the
thought that candidates would have to put on a show for
the RDs. According to a recent anonymous survey taken
by Residence Life, 52 percent of the candidates thought
that acting was an important part of the RA selection
process. This new focus on theater majors will heavily
change the search for potential RAs.
The Residence Life staff added an acting session
to group dynamics. The candidates would be given a
script a week before the session so that they could act the
part during group dynamics. The RAs and RDs would be
judges, and the best performances would be given extra
points towards getting the job.
Residents that are interested in becoming an RA
are beginning to take more theater classes. Resident Leslie
Bernire said, “When I was asking RAs about the selection
process, they said that I would have to put on an act, and
that’s why I decided to take a theater class.”
The influx of residents taking theater classes has
caught the attention of the theater department. Professor
Terry Shlock said, “If Residence Life is interested in
having their candidates put on a show, then we would love
to work with their candidates and Res Life itself. Acting
is a way of life, and being able to act the right way in
a situation is important in pleasing people, especially
potential employers.”
Saying of the Week:
– Said no CCSU student
“Yeah, I totally started my term paper”
Top Ten Things that Keep
CCSU Students from
Graduating:
10. . . . . . . . .
9. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. . . . . .
7. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
6. . . . . . . . . . .
5. . . . . . . . . .
4. . . . . . . . . . . .
3. . . . . . . . . . .
2. . . . . . . . . .
1. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Not being able to pay off parking
tickets from parking in the faculty lot.
Being stuck in
traffic on Route 9.
Still circling the parking lot next to the
library looking for “the best spot.”
Showing up hungover to
FYE too many times and failing.
Getting a drinking ticket on a
Thursday and doing time in Riekers.
Still saving up for the gym textbook...
Still staring at themselves in
the glass below Memorial Hall.
Professor being on sabbatical and not
offering a necessary course until Spring 2020.
Wanting to be a teacher.
Social Security number being stolen,
so having to assume a new identity.
No, the credits don’t transfer.
WILD
We’re Totally Serious
Illustration by Angel Rodriguez