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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
The Difficult Conversation
EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
The Course Topics series from Manage Train Learn is a large collection of topics that will help you as a learner
to quickly and easily master a range of skills in your everyday working life and life outside work. If you are a
trainer, they are perfect for adding to your classroom courses and online learning plans.
COURSE TOPICS FROM MTL
The written content in this Slide Topic belongs exclusively to Manage Train Learn and may only be reprinted
either by attribution to Manage Train Learn or with the express written permission of Manage Train Learn.
They are designed as a series of numbered
slides. As with all programmes on Slide
Topics, these slides are fully editable and
can be used in your own programmes,
royalty-free. Your only limitation is that
you may not re-publish or sell these slides
as your own.
Copyright Manage Train Learn 2020
onwards.
Attribution: All images are from sources
which do not require attribution and may
be used for commercial uses. Sources
include pixabay, unsplash, and freepik.
These images may also be those which are
in the public domain, out of copyright, for
fair use, or allowed under a Creative
Commons license.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
ARE YOU READY?
OK, LET’S START!
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
INTRODUCTION
The counselling approach to discipline is a way of dealing
with performance problems which avoids the potentially
hostile approach of punitive action. The aim of counselling is
to solve the problem of sub-performance by looking at why
problems have arisen, encouraging employees to accept
responsibility and then jointly exploring solutions. Because
of its commitment to changing behaviour, counselling stands
a much better chance of improving performance than
punitive discipline does.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
WHAT IS COUNSELLING?
The British Association of Counselling gives this definition of
counselling:
"People become engaged in counselling when a person,
occupying regularly or temporarily the role of counsellor,
offers or agrees to offer, time, attention and respect to
another person. The task of counselling is to give the client
an opportunity to explore, discover and clarify ways of living
more resourcefully and towards greater well-being.“
To use the counselling approach in place of discipline at
work, the manager needs to be aware of the advantages of
counselling over discipline; needs to know when it can work
and when it can't; and needs to acquire the skills to manage
a workplace counselling session.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
COUNSELLING & DISCIPLINE
Although counselling can be an integral part of the
disciplinary process, it is distinctly different from traditional
forms of discipline.
1. Counselling as part of an organisation's policy is a
relatively new way of dealing with people problems. It
may encounter resistance by traditionalists.
2. Counselling is usually a first-stage bud-nipping option
3. Counselling should be informal in tone and intention,
although details, facts and outcomes should be
recorded
4. Counselling should be conducted by managers
committed to person-centred management
5. Counselling does not aim to turn managers into full-
time counsellors, but rather aims to adopt valuable
skills, assumptions and structures from full-time
counselling for use in managing people problems.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
WHAT COUNSELLING IS NOT
There are many prejudicial myths surrounding the use of
counselling in the workplace and the wider world. Many
people regard it as a soft option. This is to misunderstand
well-practised counselling.
In skilled cases, counselling is...
1. not a cosy chat
(it actually confronts people with their sub-standard
performance)
2. not a soft option
(it actually forces people to take tough commitments)
3. not discipline in disguise
(its aim is not correction, but problem-solving)
4. not aimless talk
(it should follow a structured plan)
5. not getting off scot-free
(if there is no change, counselling can lead to other forms of
discipline).
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
WHEN COUNSELLING WORKS
Counselling is rarely an option for serious breaches of
discipline or for recidivistic behaviour. Its tone and purpose
would be quite inappropriate in cases of alleged serious
misconduct.
Counselling is appropriate, however, when...
1. breaches of discipline are minor
2. breaches of discipline are on the first and unexpected
occasions
3. the breach of discipline is attitudinal
4. there is an identifiable reason for the breach of
discipline
5. employees accept their problem and want help to
change.
Counselling should not be seen as an either/or option in
competition with other forms of punitive discipline. It can
exist alongside these other options and thus increase the
strategies a manager can call on.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
COUNSELLING SITUATIONS
Counselling is the only realistic option when dealing with
minor performance problems at work.
Typical situations include the following...
1. problems of failure to comply with normal terms and
conditions, such as lateness and absence, suggest that
causes may be practical ones, relationships or personal
motivation. These are problems which need resolved,
not punished.
2. problems of otherwise satisfactory workers whose
performance suddenly or gradually tails off. These are
likely to have an underlying cause.
3. problems of people undergoing life or work changes
which may only be transitionary. These include people
in training, people learning new methods or working
with new teams and people undergoing life changes
such as those experiencing marital problems.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
A COUNSELLING SESSION
Counselling cannot be conducted without sitting down with
employees face-to-face. Each session needs to be prepared,
run and followed up with important features at each stage.
1. Preparation: in the preparatory work before a
counselling session, you need to contact the employee,
establish the right climate and set an agreed contract.
2. Session: the counselling session itself needs a clear
structure for you to follow; a style that is open and
trusting; and the use of a range of counselling skills.
3. Follow-up: the follow-up to a counselling session needs
an agreement on results, a reinforcement of what
action has been agreed and a review of how successful
and appropriate the session was.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
THE FIVE STAGES OF COUNSELLING
The five classic stages of a counselling session can serve as a
model for every interview you give as long as you remain
flexible. You should not move from one stage to the next
without summarising your discussions and getting
agreement.
Stage 1: Contracting, which seeks to agree the aims, tone
and structure of the session
Stage 2: Exploring, which discusses the facts of the case and
raises issues such as how the employee feels
Stage 3: Challenging, which looks at the central problem of
the gap between the employee's performance or conduct
and required performance or conduct
Stage 4: Solutions, which discusses the employee's ideas of
how he or she can change
Stage 5: Agreement about future action; close of the
session.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
CONTRACTING
The contracting stage of a counselling session takes place
before the session starts or in the first few minutes.
In this time, you need to address matters on which you need
agreement, such as the aims of the session, the timing and
the outcomes, as well as setting a supportive tone.
Some of the issues you can seek to clarify in the contracting
stage include...
1. the employee's commitment to the use of the
counselling approach and its implications for them
2. the need for solutions not recriminations
3. your role as listener, helper and supporter not as talker,
critic and judge
4. the need for outcomes but not for pre-planned
outcomes
5. the need to look ahead more than to look back.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
EXPLORING
The stage of Exploring is the first stage of counselling proper
and follows the contracting stage. Your role in Exploring is to
establish that there is a gap between actual performance
and desired performance and then to encourage the
employee to explore the problem in their own way.
Employees will only talk freely if they feel it is safe to do so.
This means that you must build trust and let them know
that a counselling session is not about blame and
punishment. During the exploration stage, you should listen
actively for awareness on the employee's part that there is a
performance gap and acceptance that it is their
responsibility to take action to close the gap.
A crucial part of the exploring stage is to discuss the
employee's feelings. Knowing how someone feels about a
problem is a key to how likely a solution is.
14
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
SOLUTIONS
An acceptable solution in a counselling session is one which
meets the following requirements...
1. looks, sounds and feels right
2. is not imposed by management but emerges as a result
of the employee's awareness and acceptance of his or
her responsibilities
3. puts the onus for action firmly on the employee
4. costs little to implement
5. is consistent with the principles of previous solutions for
similar problems
6. has the backing, if need be, from the rest of the team
7. can be implemented, even in part, straightaway.
15
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
COUNSELLING SKILLS
The skills of a counselling session are those of person-
centred management. This means recognising that effective
change in others grows out of focusing on what they want,
not on what you want.
These skills include:
1. Building trust, rapport and understanding
2. A safe climate, a gentle interviewing tone and a relaxing
environment.
3. Assertive and challenging points about maintaining
standards.
4. Patient exploration of issues: active listening, sensible
questions, open body language.
5. A clear purpose to the counselling session.
6. Action based on creative and win-win solutions to
problems
16
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
STAGE LISTENING
Of all the skills needed to conduct a counselling session,
active, empathic and concentrated listening is the most
important. At each stage of the counselling session, you
need to be listening for different things.
1. Listen at stage 1, contracting, for how they feel about
the session, if they are defensive, hostile or worried
2. Listen at stage 2 for whether they accept the rule or
standard and agree that a rule or standard has been
breached
3. Listen at stage 3, exploring, for their reasons for the
performance gap
4. Listen at stage 4, solutions, for their commitment to
action to put things right
5. Listen at stage 5, ending, for their willingness to take
immediate and sustained action to move ahead.
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
RECONCILING
Disciplinary processes are by their very nature divisive
whereas counselling processes are healing.
1. Where discipline creates suspicion, counselling creates
trust.
2. Where discipline assumes people work better if
threatened, counselling assumes people work better if
supported.
3. Where discipline encourages accusation and counter-
accusation, counselling explores what we can do.
4. Where discipline leads to imposed solutions on
resentful employees, counselling leads to owned
solutions by aware employees.
5. Where discipline destroys relationships, counselling
builds them.
18
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
JOE AND MARY ON COUNSELLING
Joe, a new supervisor, is chatting to Mary who is
experienced at using the counselling approach.
Joe: Why do you use counselling, Mary?
Mary: Well, counselling is more likely to lead to
the employee closing the performance gap by
themselves than a warning not to do it again
would.
Joe: How do you prepare for counselling?
Mary: I pay a lot of attention to creating the
right atmosphere. I tell myself that I'm not there
to punish them, to criticise, to moan or to talk
down to them, but to help them.
I know they're nervous when they come in so I
try and relax them and get them to trust me.
Joe: What's the first thing you do?
Mary: Outline what I want from the session -
which is to work out how to solve the
employee's problem.
Joe: Then what?
Mary: Well, once we've agreed that we both
want to solve the problem, I explain what the
standard or rule in the company is and where
they appear to be falling short. I have to be
assertive that the standard or rule isn't going to
be changed just to suit them and that it's an
important standard or rule.
Joe: What follows that?
Mary: I let them talk about the problem, making
sure they stay on track. If you keep them on
track, they eventually recognise what they need
to do.
Joe: Any tips?
Mary: Silences can help. So can what I call "you"
questions such as "How do you think we can
resolve this?"
Joe: How does the session conclude?
Mary: With a clarification of the steps they're
going to take and a repeat of my help and
support.
19
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The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
THAT’S
IT!
WELL DONE!
20
|
The Difficult Conversation
Effective Discipline
MTL Course Topics
THANK YOU
This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn

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The Difficult Conversation

  • 1. 1 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics The Difficult Conversation EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE
  • 2. 2 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics The Course Topics series from Manage Train Learn is a large collection of topics that will help you as a learner to quickly and easily master a range of skills in your everyday working life and life outside work. If you are a trainer, they are perfect for adding to your classroom courses and online learning plans. COURSE TOPICS FROM MTL The written content in this Slide Topic belongs exclusively to Manage Train Learn and may only be reprinted either by attribution to Manage Train Learn or with the express written permission of Manage Train Learn. They are designed as a series of numbered slides. As with all programmes on Slide Topics, these slides are fully editable and can be used in your own programmes, royalty-free. Your only limitation is that you may not re-publish or sell these slides as your own. Copyright Manage Train Learn 2020 onwards. Attribution: All images are from sources which do not require attribution and may be used for commercial uses. Sources include pixabay, unsplash, and freepik. These images may also be those which are in the public domain, out of copyright, for fair use, or allowed under a Creative Commons license.
  • 3. 3 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics ARE YOU READY? OK, LET’S START!
  • 4. 4 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics INTRODUCTION The counselling approach to discipline is a way of dealing with performance problems which avoids the potentially hostile approach of punitive action. The aim of counselling is to solve the problem of sub-performance by looking at why problems have arisen, encouraging employees to accept responsibility and then jointly exploring solutions. Because of its commitment to changing behaviour, counselling stands a much better chance of improving performance than punitive discipline does.
  • 5. 5 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics WHAT IS COUNSELLING? The British Association of Counselling gives this definition of counselling: "People become engaged in counselling when a person, occupying regularly or temporarily the role of counsellor, offers or agrees to offer, time, attention and respect to another person. The task of counselling is to give the client an opportunity to explore, discover and clarify ways of living more resourcefully and towards greater well-being.“ To use the counselling approach in place of discipline at work, the manager needs to be aware of the advantages of counselling over discipline; needs to know when it can work and when it can't; and needs to acquire the skills to manage a workplace counselling session.
  • 6. 6 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics COUNSELLING & DISCIPLINE Although counselling can be an integral part of the disciplinary process, it is distinctly different from traditional forms of discipline. 1. Counselling as part of an organisation's policy is a relatively new way of dealing with people problems. It may encounter resistance by traditionalists. 2. Counselling is usually a first-stage bud-nipping option 3. Counselling should be informal in tone and intention, although details, facts and outcomes should be recorded 4. Counselling should be conducted by managers committed to person-centred management 5. Counselling does not aim to turn managers into full- time counsellors, but rather aims to adopt valuable skills, assumptions and structures from full-time counselling for use in managing people problems.
  • 7. 7 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics WHAT COUNSELLING IS NOT There are many prejudicial myths surrounding the use of counselling in the workplace and the wider world. Many people regard it as a soft option. This is to misunderstand well-practised counselling. In skilled cases, counselling is... 1. not a cosy chat (it actually confronts people with their sub-standard performance) 2. not a soft option (it actually forces people to take tough commitments) 3. not discipline in disguise (its aim is not correction, but problem-solving) 4. not aimless talk (it should follow a structured plan) 5. not getting off scot-free (if there is no change, counselling can lead to other forms of discipline).
  • 8. 8 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics WHEN COUNSELLING WORKS Counselling is rarely an option for serious breaches of discipline or for recidivistic behaviour. Its tone and purpose would be quite inappropriate in cases of alleged serious misconduct. Counselling is appropriate, however, when... 1. breaches of discipline are minor 2. breaches of discipline are on the first and unexpected occasions 3. the breach of discipline is attitudinal 4. there is an identifiable reason for the breach of discipline 5. employees accept their problem and want help to change. Counselling should not be seen as an either/or option in competition with other forms of punitive discipline. It can exist alongside these other options and thus increase the strategies a manager can call on.
  • 9. 9 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics COUNSELLING SITUATIONS Counselling is the only realistic option when dealing with minor performance problems at work. Typical situations include the following... 1. problems of failure to comply with normal terms and conditions, such as lateness and absence, suggest that causes may be practical ones, relationships or personal motivation. These are problems which need resolved, not punished. 2. problems of otherwise satisfactory workers whose performance suddenly or gradually tails off. These are likely to have an underlying cause. 3. problems of people undergoing life or work changes which may only be transitionary. These include people in training, people learning new methods or working with new teams and people undergoing life changes such as those experiencing marital problems.
  • 10. 10 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics A COUNSELLING SESSION Counselling cannot be conducted without sitting down with employees face-to-face. Each session needs to be prepared, run and followed up with important features at each stage. 1. Preparation: in the preparatory work before a counselling session, you need to contact the employee, establish the right climate and set an agreed contract. 2. Session: the counselling session itself needs a clear structure for you to follow; a style that is open and trusting; and the use of a range of counselling skills. 3. Follow-up: the follow-up to a counselling session needs an agreement on results, a reinforcement of what action has been agreed and a review of how successful and appropriate the session was.
  • 11. 11 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics THE FIVE STAGES OF COUNSELLING The five classic stages of a counselling session can serve as a model for every interview you give as long as you remain flexible. You should not move from one stage to the next without summarising your discussions and getting agreement. Stage 1: Contracting, which seeks to agree the aims, tone and structure of the session Stage 2: Exploring, which discusses the facts of the case and raises issues such as how the employee feels Stage 3: Challenging, which looks at the central problem of the gap between the employee's performance or conduct and required performance or conduct Stage 4: Solutions, which discusses the employee's ideas of how he or she can change Stage 5: Agreement about future action; close of the session.
  • 12. 12 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics CONTRACTING The contracting stage of a counselling session takes place before the session starts or in the first few minutes. In this time, you need to address matters on which you need agreement, such as the aims of the session, the timing and the outcomes, as well as setting a supportive tone. Some of the issues you can seek to clarify in the contracting stage include... 1. the employee's commitment to the use of the counselling approach and its implications for them 2. the need for solutions not recriminations 3. your role as listener, helper and supporter not as talker, critic and judge 4. the need for outcomes but not for pre-planned outcomes 5. the need to look ahead more than to look back.
  • 13. 13 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics EXPLORING The stage of Exploring is the first stage of counselling proper and follows the contracting stage. Your role in Exploring is to establish that there is a gap between actual performance and desired performance and then to encourage the employee to explore the problem in their own way. Employees will only talk freely if they feel it is safe to do so. This means that you must build trust and let them know that a counselling session is not about blame and punishment. During the exploration stage, you should listen actively for awareness on the employee's part that there is a performance gap and acceptance that it is their responsibility to take action to close the gap. A crucial part of the exploring stage is to discuss the employee's feelings. Knowing how someone feels about a problem is a key to how likely a solution is.
  • 14. 14 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics SOLUTIONS An acceptable solution in a counselling session is one which meets the following requirements... 1. looks, sounds and feels right 2. is not imposed by management but emerges as a result of the employee's awareness and acceptance of his or her responsibilities 3. puts the onus for action firmly on the employee 4. costs little to implement 5. is consistent with the principles of previous solutions for similar problems 6. has the backing, if need be, from the rest of the team 7. can be implemented, even in part, straightaway.
  • 15. 15 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics COUNSELLING SKILLS The skills of a counselling session are those of person- centred management. This means recognising that effective change in others grows out of focusing on what they want, not on what you want. These skills include: 1. Building trust, rapport and understanding 2. A safe climate, a gentle interviewing tone and a relaxing environment. 3. Assertive and challenging points about maintaining standards. 4. Patient exploration of issues: active listening, sensible questions, open body language. 5. A clear purpose to the counselling session. 6. Action based on creative and win-win solutions to problems
  • 16. 16 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics STAGE LISTENING Of all the skills needed to conduct a counselling session, active, empathic and concentrated listening is the most important. At each stage of the counselling session, you need to be listening for different things. 1. Listen at stage 1, contracting, for how they feel about the session, if they are defensive, hostile or worried 2. Listen at stage 2 for whether they accept the rule or standard and agree that a rule or standard has been breached 3. Listen at stage 3, exploring, for their reasons for the performance gap 4. Listen at stage 4, solutions, for their commitment to action to put things right 5. Listen at stage 5, ending, for their willingness to take immediate and sustained action to move ahead.
  • 17. 17 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics RECONCILING Disciplinary processes are by their very nature divisive whereas counselling processes are healing. 1. Where discipline creates suspicion, counselling creates trust. 2. Where discipline assumes people work better if threatened, counselling assumes people work better if supported. 3. Where discipline encourages accusation and counter- accusation, counselling explores what we can do. 4. Where discipline leads to imposed solutions on resentful employees, counselling leads to owned solutions by aware employees. 5. Where discipline destroys relationships, counselling builds them.
  • 18. 18 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics JOE AND MARY ON COUNSELLING Joe, a new supervisor, is chatting to Mary who is experienced at using the counselling approach. Joe: Why do you use counselling, Mary? Mary: Well, counselling is more likely to lead to the employee closing the performance gap by themselves than a warning not to do it again would. Joe: How do you prepare for counselling? Mary: I pay a lot of attention to creating the right atmosphere. I tell myself that I'm not there to punish them, to criticise, to moan or to talk down to them, but to help them. I know they're nervous when they come in so I try and relax them and get them to trust me. Joe: What's the first thing you do? Mary: Outline what I want from the session - which is to work out how to solve the employee's problem. Joe: Then what? Mary: Well, once we've agreed that we both want to solve the problem, I explain what the standard or rule in the company is and where they appear to be falling short. I have to be assertive that the standard or rule isn't going to be changed just to suit them and that it's an important standard or rule. Joe: What follows that? Mary: I let them talk about the problem, making sure they stay on track. If you keep them on track, they eventually recognise what they need to do. Joe: Any tips? Mary: Silences can help. So can what I call "you" questions such as "How do you think we can resolve this?" Joe: How does the session conclude? Mary: With a clarification of the steps they're going to take and a repeat of my help and support.
  • 19. 19 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics THAT’S IT! WELL DONE!
  • 20. 20 | The Difficult Conversation Effective Discipline MTL Course Topics THANK YOU This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn