How to Talk to Someone About Mental Illness

Dr. Julie Connor
TED Speaker | Educator | Mental Health Advocate
How to Talk to Someone You
Love About Mental Illness

Objectives
•Recognize symptoms of mental illness
(particularly depression & anxiety disorders)
•Discover communication tools
•Distinguish between positive support & less
supportive behaviors
•Identify self-care tools & resources
© DrJulieConnor.com

Feeling down? Or could it be a mental illness symptom?
• Does someone you love appear to be sad or anxious?
• Does someone you love feel hopeless or worthless?
• Does someone you love seem burdened with guilt?
• Does someone you love seem unusually irritable?
• Does someone you love avoid friends and family?
• Have they lost interest in things they used to enjoy?
• Has their eating or sleeping habits changed? Do they often feel tired?
• Does someone you love personal hygiene?
• Do they have difficulty concentrating or making decisions?
• Do they express ongoing aches, headaches, or stomach problems?
• Has someone you love tried to harm themselves?
• Has someone you love expressed thoughts about suicide?

• Arrange time to discuss your concerns about a loved one’s behavior:
Good example: I am concerned because you spend so much time
alone.
Poor example: I think you have bipolar disorder
and you need to get help.
• Offer support (not judgement).
• Offer to help find doctor or services.
• Discuss support strategies as a family.
Positive Support Strategies

 Listen with empathy
 Restate what you heard
 Encourage person to
explore options

OBSERVATION FEELING
It sounds like you feel angry because …
I heard you say you feel frustrated when …
It must be really
difficult
to feel so alone. What are your
options?
How can I help?

Be Calm
Invite Dialogue
“ _____ happened. Can we talk about it?”
Set Boundaries
“Let’s agree to _______.” (No yelling, etc.)
Identify Issue
“When ____ happened, I felt ____. I need/want ______.”
Reflective Listening / Ask Questions
“I hear you saying ____. Is that right?”
Explore Solutions & Compromise
“How can we resolve this?” “What are our options?”
Show Thanks
“Thank you for listening.” “I’m glad we talked.” © DrJulieConnor.com

 How are you doing?
 I see (or hear, see, etc.) … Avoid assumptions.
 How can I help?
 Have you talked to your doctor?
 Would you like to talk to someone?
 I care about you.
Listen with empathy.
Restate what you heard.
Explore solutions.
Show you care.

 You look depressed.
 I think you need help.
 Snap out of it.
 It can’t be that bad.
 Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
 It’s all in your head.
 It could be worse.
 You should get out more.
 If you think you’ve got it bad …
 Nothing

TALK
Don’t suffer alone. Talk to a:
 Parent, sibling, or relative
 Teacher
 Counselor
 Friend
 Minister
 Doctor
 Find a support group
 Call 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) © DrJulieConnor.com

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL)
Talk to trained counselors 24/7: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
• Crisis Text Line
Visit www.crisistextline.org
Enter 741741 and type “HOME”
to text a trained crisis counselor
TALK

Suicide Prevention Lifeline
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 #BeThe1TO ASK. Ask questions.
“Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
 #BeThe1To KEEP THEM SAFE.
Ask, “Do you have a plan?” Need help? GET HELP!
 #BeThe1To BE THERE. Listen.
 #BeThe1To HELP THEM CONNECT.
Build a support system.
 #BeThe1To FOLLOW UP.
Check in. Call. Text. Send a note.
Suicide Prevention Lifeline

• Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig (depression, anxiety)
• Dying to Be Free: A Healing Guide for Families after a Suicide
Beverly Cobain & Jean Larch (suicide)
• Not Just Me: Anxiety, Depression, and Learning To Embrace Your Weird
by Lisa Jakub (mental illness)
• Soft Spots: A Marine’s Memoir of Combat and Post-traumatic Stress
Disorder by Clint Van Winkle (PTSD)
• From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett (anxiety)
• I Don’t Want to Talk About It by Terrence Real (male depression)
• An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness by Kay Redfield Jamison
(depression, bipolar disorder)
• Codependent No More by Melody Beattie (for caregivers and family members)
• The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents by Melody Beattie
Books for ADULTS about MENTAL ILLNESS

www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Trever Lifeline
(LGBTQ):
866-488-7386 Call 800–273-8255
(TALK)

• Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman (schizophrenia)
• Free Verse by Sarah Dooley (depression)
• Paperweight by Meg Haston (eating disorders, anxiety)
• History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera (OCD)
• This Song Will Save Your Life by Leila Sales (depression)
• When We Collided by Emery Lord (bipolar disorder)
• Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell (social anxiety)
• The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness (mental illness)
• The Sea of Tranquility by Katja Millay (PTSD)
• Highly Illogical Behavior by John Corey Whaley (anxiety, agoraphopia)
• What I Leave Behind by Alison McGhee (suicide)
Books for TEENS about MENTAL ILLNESS

•Record concerns & questions for professionals.
– Be specific
– Describe behaviors (not assumptions).
•Track progress – Celebrate successes
•Create a Plan – Break down tasks into
chunks (schedule, planner, etc.).
•Use staff and community resources.
Document & Take Notes

How to Encourage RESILIENCY!
• Set Goals / Track Progress / Reward Gains
• Expect Positive Outcomes
• Create Positive Self-Talk
• Eat Healthy
• Write Positive Affirmations
• Vision Board / Artistic Expression
• Express Gratitude
• Journal
• Sleep
• Exercise / Yoga / Meditation
Download Apps: Calm, Insight Timer, Virtual Hope Box
• Play & Have Fun
• Find Positive Support © DrJulieConnor.com

Dr. Julie Connor
TED Speaker | Educator | Advocate
Dreams to Action
Trailblazer’s Guide
julie@drjulieconnor.com
www.DrJulieConnor.com
Award-winning personal goal-setting book

How to Talk to Someone About Mental Illness

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