1. The travel diary of Thomas and the disciples.
On the town with Jesus.
On the Raz in Naz.
February 15th
– 34AD
I don’t remember much of the night before to be perfectly honest with you. It wasn’t that I drank
too much, it was more to do with the fact that I was trying my very best to forget it. After hearing
what Jesus had done from Simon and Paul, I was shell shocked. I felt that now was the right time to
write today’s diary entry. Sat on a boiling rock, just outside our pathetic excuse of a hut with the
sun beating down on me.
Yesterday started like any other day really. We’d get up and go out. Jesus would do a little meet and
greet session with a couple of random people and charge them however much they had left on them
to watch him run on water, just after he had charged them what they had before to watch him
make it appear. It was the same old, bog standard moving circus and we were fed up.
After having made a bit of money from a morning’s worth of running on a seemingly impossible
element, Jesus thought that it was only fitting that we went out on the town that night to celebrate
what had been yet another successful morning of stunning people. I never really liked going out
when I was younger, it never appealed to me. But that was probably because I had never known
someone who could order a free tap water and turn it into a pint of beer or a glass of wine
(Depending on the circumstance). But now that I was older, I thought what the heck? I might as
well go out with Jesus and the others.
Spontaneous plans made by Mr Christ were always the best. It brought back memories of when we
decided to go to a random farm a few months ago. Jesus thought that it would be a good idea to
steal a sheep and take it Jerusalem with us on a night out with a bunch of lads we had met the year
before whilst on holiday. Being the man wonder that he was, Jesus walked into the farm and
hypnotized the farmer to make him believe that he was Joseph and that he had come to take back
his flock. Needless to say, the farmer was terrified.
Back to the night out. As soon as Jesus had suggested a night on the town, I couldn’t have said yes any
quicker. I dashed back to the tent to find Simon on the floor with his head in a bucket that Jesus had stolen
the night before. I was genuinely surprised with myself that I was going out that night. After remembering
how much Simon had, it put me off even leaving the hut. But Jesus got me all worked up about it… I thought
I might as well.
Looking at my face in the reflection of Paul’s bucket (Who had gone for a walk with Jesus), I thought that my
beard was due a trim. Having only a stone and some curdled milk, I splatted it on my thick beard and got to
work quickly. In preparation for a night out, a lad knows that there is no time to waste. The smell was awful,

2. the pain was unreal but it would all be worth it in a few hours. After the best bit of 15 minutes of
excruciating pain, my face was finally free of any hair. I was ready for the night.
Making the local treacle’s happy was difficult, especially in Nazareth. They are notorious for being fussy. Only
the finest clothes and facial care would do them. So I poured the bucket over my head to wash and then
slipped into my finest cloth robe. I truly looked the man. It was safe to say that when Jesus walked into the
hut to see me… he turned himself into a hermit crab and hid away in shame. I outdid Jesus… I outdid Jesus.
Jesus was followed in by Simon and a few of the others. We sat and spoke for a little bit before Paul threw up
again. It made me feel sick and tired – I thought I was due a rest. I placed my head on Jesus’ second pair of
sandals and went to sleep…
8:47pm:
After a few hours of rest I was ready. The lads were all up, getting ready for our big night. The feel around
the hut was good. We could do anything… we could be anything… without Jesus turning us into it! This night
was going to be messy. Even more so than John’s 34th birthday that we threw in the Great Pyramids.
“Oi Tommy… what were you doing on the floor mate? We ain’t started drinking yet!”
For a man of his stature, little Paul was the cockiest bloke in the whole of Israel.
I chose to ignore him and just stand there and look good. It was what I did best.
The night was cool when we left the tent. The air was calm and the stars were bright. It made the walk into
Nazareth quite enjoyable. We would usually head into town around 7:30 when it was still warm. Jesus said
that it was a good idea because the ladies love guys who work up a sweat. But I’m pretty sure that only
applies when they are lifting weights… not walking down a sandy slope into the town.
Regardless of his ideas, we had to agree with Jesus. After all – this was his town. Whenever we went out in
Naz with Mr Christ, it was probably the most enjoyable experience we could have. The guy owned the place.
Every bouncer let him in for free and us along with him. The tiles down the club strip all formed to make his
face. This was Jesus’ town.
The bar we were going to was not only well known for the best looking lasses, but also the finest alcohol in
perhaps the whole of the Middle East. “Christ Almighties” was the place to go. This bar had it all. Seats and
tables and… well, that was it – but it was far better than anything we had previously been used to.
Jesus and the lads loved the Naz Vegas strip. We famously named it that on a night out one time. It was so
good… it couldn’t possibly be stolen… ever…