1. Just Which Pitch Did
George W. Bush
Throw
When He Invaded Iraq?
by
Robert N. Badner
Presented by
WordPaint
in association
with
Penny Ante Films
Bingo Bango
and
Sweet Works Creative

2. Registered with the WGA East – Reg. #: I259784 - Dec. 5, 2013
Wearing cleats, a baseball uniform with the number 43 on his jersey,
and a capital “D” for The Decider on his cap, George W. Bush is on the
mound preparing to throw the first pitch. A huge wad of “dip” or chewing
tobacco has inflated his right cheek to capacity; he’s a throwback. He pulls
the crown of his baseball cap down twice so it rests just above his eyes,
much like a gator’s eyes peering right above the water searching for his next
victim.
With dust rising above the mound after dropping the rosin bag, W.
looks toward the umpire for a green light. An all too familiar grin on Bush’s
face reflects his Bring ‘em on attitude. Inside the “Beltway” was anything
but this President’s comfort zone, but he’s definitely found it on a mound of
dirt - sixty feet, six inches from home plate. Blasting from the stadium
speakers is Pat Benatar’s Hit me with your best shot, fire away, Bush’s
choice every time he’s on the mound.
The President begins his windup and fires a 96 M.P.H. fastball, hitting the
outside corner of the plate, freezing the batter. Pivoting his body and
thrusting his right arm to first base, the umpire calls it a strike. With his
cleats now firmly dug into the dirt, the 43rd
President of the United States is
gearing up for a long, protracted battle, one of his own making.
W. would go on to throw many pitches over the course of this game – there
would be no “Joba Rules” imposed upon him, making sure he wasn’t under
any pitch or innings limit like the Yankees placed on pitcher Joba
Chamberlin when transitioning him from reliever to starter. However, there
was one major difference between this game and your typical game: it’s not
made up of the conventional nine innings and 27 outs; it’s the longest game
of its type, five years and counting.
George W. Bush’s weapons of mass destruction rationale for attacking Iraq
was the equivalent of a baseball pitcher establishing his fastball early in a
game allowing him to utilize his entire arsenal of pitches to blow away his
opponent and win. Invoking W.M.D. was no ordinary fastball; Bush knew
everything hinged around throwing killer “heat” for a first pitch strike. The
four-seam fastball was tailor-made for W. with his aggressive, gung-ho
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3. bravado. As baseball’s most basic pitch, the four-seamer is thrown as fast as
a pitcher’s arm and body will allow, pure firepower.
If a fastball has movement when it crosses the plate, it can be a deadly strike
out pitch. Switching targets from Afghanistan to Iraq was “movement” all
right, which turned out to be an incredibly deadly strategy for both America
and Iraq.
After locking in his fastball, 43 could change speeds, release points, and
pitching angles to neutralize his opponent and bamboozle America and the
world. Not to mention that the Bush administration had another election to
win in 2004 and the war was their ace in the hole.
Top 4-seam fastball pitchers: Nolan Ryan, Randy Johnson
4-seam fastball nickname: the cheese, gas, heat, and smoke
In a way, George Bush’s mind-set, behavior, and entire rationale for
attacking Iraq reminds me of what Jack Nicholson’s character R.P.
McMurphy said about Nurse Ratched in the film, One Flew Over the
Cuckoo’s Nest. McMurphy requests a ward schedule change by a majority
vote so the inmates can watch the World Series day game on television. The
vote was tied 9 to 9 when McMurphy got Chief Bromden, supposed to be
death and dumb, to raise his arm and win 10 – 9, thus allowing the men to
watch. Nurse Ratched kyboshed McMurphy’s plan by saying that the vote
was closed and meeting adjourned when the vote was tied.
“She ain’t honest, and she likes a rigged game, you know what I mean,”
McMurphy told Dr. Spivey, the hospital administrator. 43 showed that he
liked a rigged game by declaring war against a country that didn’t attack us,
and in the process created one hell of a cuckoo’s nest, one that he could
never fly out of, despite that staged landing on the USS Abraham Lincoln,
declaring an end to major combat operations.
At the Democrats second 2008 Presidential debate, Senator Hillary Clinton
said “Well, I think it’s important particularly to point out this is George
Bush’s war. He is responsible for this war. He started the war. He
mismanaged the war. He escalated the war. And he refuses to end the war.”
The President threw a curveball in 2003 when he sent then Secretary of State
Colin Powell to the United Nations to inform the world that Saddam was
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4. building mobile biological weapons labs. An Iraqi defector, code-named
Curve Ball was the source of this information. A curveball will drop sharply
into the strike zone when it approaches the plate. There was only one
problem – Curve Ball dropped the biggest lie in the administration’s lap and
they accepted it as gospel. In fact, Bush and company welcomed it with
open arms.
Being just what the doctor ordered, the White House took Curve Ball’s lies
and made a compelling, albeit, totally fictitious case for going to war. W.
lined up all his ducks in a row including Secretary of State Colin Powell and
then British Prime Minister Tony Blair. The truth didn’t matter; the only
thing that was important to this White House was perception and
appearance. They had a war to sell and by hell or high water they were
going to do just that. Anybody or anything that got in their way, be damned.
Curve Ball managed to hoodwink the entire U.S. national security apparatus
including the FBI, CIA, and NSA. This insatiable appetite for information
that provided a direct link (albeit a total fabrication) between Saddam and
9/11 turned out to be the administration’s Achilles heel.
Without Curve Ball, there would be no Powell speech to the U.N. and no
invasion of Iraq. When Curve Ball refused to talk with his interrogators any
longer, he took a job at a Burger King in Erlangen. He told the Bush
Administration one hell of a “Whopper” and the White House couldn’t
swallow it fast enough.
Top Curveball pitchers: Burt Blyleven, David Wells, Mike Mussina,
Nolan Ryan
Curveball nicknames: the Deuce, the hook, yellow hammer, and Uncle
Charlie
The curveball that 43 threw more closely resembled a knuckleball, a pitch
that baffles hitters, floating and wobbling, breaking in different directions
due to its lack of rotation. It was a real knucklehead move on the part of the
Bush administration not to investigate Curve Ball in order to determine his
credibility. At the least, the President could’ve looked up Curve Ball on
“The Internets.” On Oct.8, 2004 during the presidential debates in St. Louis,
Mo., W. said, “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to
have a draft.” Fast forward eight years to 2012, I heard rumors that the price
of the Facebook IPO would reach the stratosphere and become the biggest
IPO in history. Rumor also had it that we were supposed to be greeted as
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5. “liberators” when America invaded Iraq. There’s a reason why they’re
called “rumors.”
Top Knuckleball pitchers: Hoyt Wilhelm, Phil Niekro, Charlie Hough,
Tim Wakefield, R.A. Dickey
Knuckleball nicknames: knuckler, floater
One of the keys to successful pitching is the ability to locate pitches. After
establishing his fastball, George W. Bush seemed to loose command of his
pitches. Location is the key for a pitcher to get locked in and place the ball
wherever he wants - inside, outside, high or low. Pitching is all about
fooling the batter into either swinging too early or late producing a strike
and ultimately an out. 43 maintained the ball’s movement and velocity, but
the ability to locate eluded him.
Despite his Shock & Awe bravado and Mission Accomplished banner,
President Bush couldn’t locate Osama bin Laden if his prized mountain bike
depended on it. Bin Laden’s whereabouts was the world’s best-kept secret,
even a $25 million reward didn’t seem to entice any Al-Qaeda sympathizers.
The U.S. military was close to either capturing or killing bin Laden at Tora
Bora in late 2001.
Pitchers will routinely turn their back on the home plate umpire when they
feel that a pitch should’ve been called a strike, but don’t get it. By turning
their back, they are thumbing their nose or showing disgust for the umpire’s
call. In his own way, W. turned his back on Osama bin Laden, by letting
him out of America’s cross hairs and shifting the military’s bulls eye to the
Iraqi dictator, Saddam Hussein.
While 43 had bin Laden in a pitcher’s count – 1 ball and 2 strikes, the crafty
bin Laden managed to foul off quite a few pitches, but the president still had
the upper hand as bin Laden was there for the taking. In a pitcher’s count,
the pitcher has a distinct advantage of two strikes, but things can go south in
a hurry, if he doesn’t execute his pitches. But, W. choked, throwing three
consecutive balls, and just like that, walked Osama bin Laden into oblivion.
The Bush administration came up with a big, fat zero in the box score by the
time they left Washington. Osama bin Laden managed to escape the U.S.
gauntlet until being tracked down and killed by Navy Seal Team 6 in May
2011 with President Obama’s approval during his first term in office.
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6. Any other pitcher would seek advice from his pitching coach when hitting a
brick wall – but not 43, he decided to switch gears and nail a ready-made
target, Saddam Hussein. And just like the Yankees dropped centerfielder
Bernie Williams late in his career, the Bush administration dropped bin
Laden from their cross hairs and connected Al Qaeda’s attack on American
soil to a Middle East strongman. In 2002, W said, “I don’t know where bin
Laden is, I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s
not our priority.”
The President threw a “changeup” when he donned a green flight suit,
holding a white helmet after landing on the aircraft carrier USS Abraham
Lincoln, declaring that “Major combat operations in Iraq have ended.” A
huge banner reflecting Mission Accomplished was attached to the ship,
which overlooked Bush when he gave his victory speech on the carrier’s
flight deck.
The object of a changeup is to fool the hitter into swinging either too early
or too late and miss completely. Think of a changeup as a mind game
regarding the ball’s velocity when approaching the plate. 43 threw this
changeup with the same arm speed as his fastball to deceive the batter, but
by changing his handgrip, the ball’s velocity is slowed as it is released,
thereby tricking the batter. Bush tried pulling a fast one with his dog and
pony show on the USS Abraham Lincoln’s steel beach. It turned out to be
all smoke and mirrors with many years remaining in his ill conceived war, as
thousands more Americans would die along with an untold number of Iraqi
citizens. Not to mention the amount of treasure that it would cost America.
The fact that the Iraqi war was financed with borrowed money made it very
tough to swallow. W. told the country to go shopping at the mall, as if
nothing was happening. It was quite a changeup, but the President’s hell-
bent persistence in this war reminded me of that 1960s hit single The Beat
Goes On by Sonny and Cher.
Top Changeup pitchers: Johan Santana, Pedro Martinez
Changeup nicknames: off speed, deadfish, change
During the course of a game, sometimes it becomes necessary to
intentionally walk a strong batter and put him on base hoping to have better
luck with the next batter. This is exactly what happened to U.S. Army
General Eric Shinseki while serving as the Army Chief of Staff in 2003.
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7. General Shinseki gave a realistic appraisal of post-invasion Iraq telling
Congress “that we would need several hundred thousand soldiers in Iraq to
put an end to the violence against our troops and against each other.” Such a
high troop number didn’t sit well with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
realizing it would have been next to impossible to assemble that number of
troops in an all-volunteer military format. So Rumsfeld under George W.
Bush’s command intentionally walked General Shinseki and removed him
from his post.
43’s White House was going to fight their war with the number of troops
they chose, not with the number recommended by the highly decorated
General Shinseki. It couldn’t have been any easier for Bush and Rumsfeld -
throw four balls way out of the strike zone and the General takes his base.
One side note, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz said that
Shinseki’s estimate was “wildly off the mark” and “I am reasonably certain
that they will greet us as liberators.” Well, we all know how that went.
Allowing General Shinseki to take first base produced tragic, irreversible
consequences including: widespread citizen looting, a percolating
insurgency ready to blow, and a looming civil war between Iraq’s Shi’a and
Sunni that would change the course of post-invasion Iraq forever.
George W. Bush threw his most powerful pitch, a cut fastball, “cutter” for
short when he gave his State of the Union speech on January 28, 2003.
More precisely, the only thing that really mattered in that speech was the
sixteen-word bombshell that changed everything in the run up to war. He
said, “The British Government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently
sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.” Bush was confident
that these sixteen words proved his case that Saddam had nuclear capability
and was a real threat to the United States.
W. threw his cutter exactly the way the Yankees’ Mariano Rivera does -
breaking away from right-handers and up and in on lefties, making it nearly
impossible to hit. Batters routinely can’t touch Mo’s cutters, and Bush knew
he needed a pitch like a Rivera cutter to outfox everyone into thinking that
attacking Saddam was our only option. If a hitter made contact with this
pitch, there was a great chance that the bat would shatter or splinter into
several pieces, leaving the batter flummoxed. The President was really into
this pre-emptive war scenario and for a guy that didn’t read much, pre-
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8. emptive was a really big word. Due diligence was another phrase the Bush
administration not only couldn’t embrace, but chose to ignore.
On Sept. 19, 2011, Yankees’ closer Mariano Rivera pitched his way into the
record books by breaking the all-time saves record, held by reliever Trevor
Hoffman, with his 602nd
save against the Minnesota Twins, preserving the
Yankees 6 – 4 win. Even the great Mariano Rivera, wouldn’t have been able
to “save” 43 from the colossal disaster that he engaged America in.
Top Cut fastball pitcher: Mariano Rivera
Cut fastball nickname: cutter
Andy H. Card, the President’s chief of staff put together a group of people
whose mission was to market or sell the Iraq War to the American public. In
August 2002, the White House Iraq Group, (WHIG) was born. Card threw a
“two-seam fastball” when he said, “From a marketing point of view, you
don’t introduce new products in August.” A two-seamer developed out of a
four-seam fastball and has no lateral movement. Much like the two-seamer
drops downward gradually, Andy Card’s WHIG was in no rush to push the
Iraq war on the public during the summer. 43’s war would be promoted as a
new product starting after Labor Day. Card’s two-seamer assault on the
public allowed the administration to throw changeups and breaking balls
misleading America into his boss’s war.
Top 2-seam fastball pitchers: Bob Gibson, Greg Maddux, Sandy Koufax
2-seam fastball nicknames: back door fastball, sinker
Pitchers with nasty stuff can baffle even the most elite batters with
unhittable pitches. The Bush Administration threw one of its nastiest
pitches, a spitball - one long banned by Major League Baseball - when
“outing” Valerie Plame Wilson, a covert CIA operative, ending her long
undercover career. Spitballs are slippery pitches that break suddenly and
very late at the plate. Just as much of a sleazy maneuver as a nasty one,
Bush’s spitball was meant to retaliate against Plame’s husband, former U.S.
ambassador, Joseph Wilson, who in a 2003 New York Times Op-Ed,
debunked the theory that Iraq was acquiring yellowcake uranium to build
nuclear weapons after being sent on a fact-finding mission to Niger by the
CIA in 2002. Wilson’s information was so volatile that it threatened the
very foundation of Bush’s case for going to war with Iraq.
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9. Requiring saliva or Vaseline to work, this sleazy pitch made all of Valerie
Plame Wilson’s covert colleagues, contacts and operatives vulnerable to
retribution once Plame’s cover was blown. It is a very serious crime to leak
the name of a covert agent, but Karl Rove, Bush’s chief political strategist
had something up his sleeve. As one of the leakers to the media of Plame’s
true identity, Karl Rove declared Wilson “fair game” to go after.
Jeopardizing the lives of American covert agents, their foreign counterparts
and America’s security was anything but fair, it was despicable and
shameful. W. and his position players had an agenda and nothing was going
to get in their way, not Joseph Wilson or Valerie Plame Wilson. Other Bush
administration officials involved in leaking Plame’s covert status were
Scooter Libby, Press Secretary Ari Fleisher, Deputy Secretary of State
Richard Armitage and V.P. Dick Cheney.
Top Spitball Pitchers: Cy Young, Gaylord Perry
Spitball nicknames: mud ball, the tobacco ball
After Scooter Libby was convicted of perjury and sentenced to 2 ½ years in
prison, the Decider threw a “backdoor curveball” and commuted Libby’s
sentence because he felt poor Scooter had suffered enough. A backdoor
curve initially appears to be completely out of the strike zone, but curves in
and crosses the back of the plate at the last minute. When W. promised not
to interfere until Libby had exhausted all of his appeals, but stepped in when
Scooter was denied bail and would soon be jailed, 43 delivered his
commutation through the “backdoor.” Joseph Wilson said, “The
president’s actions send a message that leaking classified information for
political purposes is acceptable. Mr. Libby not only endangered Valerie and
our family, but also our country’s national security.” 43 stopped short of a
full pardon leaving Libby’s conviction intact.
President Bush said, “If there’s a leak in my administration, I want to know
who it is…if the person has violated law, that person will be taken care of.”
Bush upped the ante by saying he would dismiss anyone who “committed a
crime.” 43 threw a split fastball aka a “splitter”, originally known as a
forkball with this latest declaration. When a split finger fastball reaches the
plate, the bottom suddenly drops out similar to the way Plame’s entire world
collapsed underneath her. It was like the Bush administration put a “fork” in
Valerie Plame Wilson and she was done. How un-American was that?
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10. Top Split Finger Fastball Pitchers: Tim Hudson, Bruce Sutter
Split Finger Fastball nicknames: split, splitter, Mr. Splitee
At the 2004 Radio and Television Correspondents dinner in Washington, W.
threw a pitch that was so baffling it went beyond the pale. Photos depicting
the president on his knees, looking behind drapes, and moving furniture in
the Oval Office were projected on a screen, with W. providing the following
commentary: “Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be
somewhere, nope, no weapons over there, maybe under here?” 43 threw one
of his favorite pitches, a “sinker” with this skit. 43’s mind-boggling stunt
was conduct reflecting a buffoon, not the President of the United States.
The disrespect he displayed at this dinner was so flagrant that the parents
whom lost children in Iraq had to relive their misery all over again. It
reminded me of Frank Zappa’s television commentary lyrics to from song
I’m the Slime from Overnight Sensation:
I may be vile and pernicious
But you can’t look away
I make you think I’m delicious
With the stuff that I say
I am the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I am the slime oozin’ out
From your TV set
Well, I am the slime from the video
Oozin’ along the livin’ room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can’t stop the slime, people, look it me go1
Sinkers drop late at the plate and induce batters to hit ground balls and Bush
sunk to a new low with this stupidity. The Democrats called the Bush skit
vulgar. With pitching like that, Bush’s ERA (Earned Run Average)
ballooned off the scale. 43’s performance that night was appalling.
Top Sinker Pitchers: Tommy John, Andy Pettitte
Sinker nickname: backdoor fastball
1
Frank Zappa, 1973, 1975, “I’m the Slime” “Over-nite Sensation”, Rykodisc, The Zappa Family Trust.
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11. When W. signed up for a Facebook account in 2010, he should have been
denied membership as a sort of admonishment for that ludicrous stunt he
staged at the Washington dinner. Shortly after the Bush page was created on
Facebook, an actor resembling the president did a sketch on Jay Leno’s The
Tonight Show. Mimicking Bush, the actor said he’s on Facebook now and
he really likes it because guess what, there’s no book. The skit ended with
the Bush impersonator laughing wildly like some Hanna-Barbera cartoon
character.
43 was a real throwback, the type of pitcher who would go very deep into a
game or pitch a complete game, as compared to today, where starting
pitchers are protected with a hard pitch count and typically go 5-7 innings,
followed by a set-up guy in the 8th
and the closer in the 9th
. If a starter
doesn’t have good stuff on game day – no command of his pitches - a middle
reliever would enter the game early. But W. wasn’t having any of that.
Pitching complete games was the norm before teams instituted a new
pitching regimen developed by famed manager Tony LaRussa, consisting of
a set-up pitcher and a closer to protect their starting pitchers’ arms and to
increase their winning percentage.
He was going to pitch for the entire duration of the Iraqi War, no matter
what. With either the Bush administration’s unwillingness or its inability to
formulate a specific endgame for the war, W. had few options but to stay on
the mound, throwing as many strikes as possible, prolonging his misguided
enterprise.
Using the war as a re-election tool, W. threw a devious knuckleball
catapulting him to a second term, destroying Senator John Kerry’s character
and presidential bid in the process.
W. threw a “hanging curveball” when he said, “My answer is bring them
on” referring to the Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces in 2003. Dick
Cheney also threw a hanging curveball when he said that the insurgents were
in their “last throes” in 2005. Due to their unnatural delivery, curveballs are
thrown with much less speed than a fastball, resulting in a pitch that will
break more. Hanging curves will almost always come back to haunt
pitchers, because they’re usually left high in the strike zone where a hitter
will crush them. It’s money to power hitters like Jose Bautista, Paul
Konerko, Jim Thome and Miguel Cabrera. After pulverizing Bush’s
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12. hanging curveball, the Iraqi insurgents exploded the conflict into chaos and
weren’t anywhere near their last throes.
While vacationing at his Crawford ranch in August 2001, George W. Bush
was pitching from the stretch, allowing runners on first and second to
advance and steal a base. He wasn’t paying attention when he was given the
President’s Daily Brief on Aug. 6, 2001 entitled “Bin Laden Determined to
Strike the U.S.”
Dick Cheney threw a nasty breaking ball when he said it has “been pretty
well confirmed” that Mohamed Atta, one of the lead 9/11 hijackers met with
a senior Iraqi intelligence official in Prague several months before the WTC
Towers were obliterated, altering Manhattan’s landscape and its residents
forever. Cheney must have been dreaming when he dropped this flimsy,
unsubstantiated nugget during “Meet the Press” on Dec. 9, 2001. Dreaming
big was not at all unusual for a guy like Cheney, after receiving five
deferments during the Vietnam War, holding high level positions with
several presidents’, and eventually heading corporate giant Halliburton, a
huge beneficiary of the Iraq War, receiving God knows how many inflated
no-bid contracts worth gazillions.
Subsequent investigations proved that Atta was not in Prague in April 2001.
This didn’t stop the Bush Administration from promoting an out and out lie
to solidify a connection between the 9/11 hijackers and Iraq. They broke
from reality when they threw a breaking ball known as a “slider.” Sliders
are thrown faster than a curveball, generating more spin, breaking late and
sharply at the plate.
It was such a colossal leap that perhaps 43 and Cheney were hallucinating,
when they concocted this theory in their run-up to war. How many times
did President Bush and his administration say, “We don’t want the smoking
gun to be a mushroom cloud?” Peyote is a type of mushroom that can cause
hallucinations, so one never knows what went on behind closed doors of the
WHIG, the White House Iraq Group. This theory is unquestionably a
stretch, but pitching from the stretch is a routine part of baseball and any
major league pitcher worth his gaudy neck chain, must be ready to hold any
runner on base that he’s responsible for. W. must be held accountable for
his actions on the mound. Pitchers are accountable to their manager,
coaches, teammates, team owner(s), stats, box score, fans, etc. In Bob
Woodward’s book Bush at War, the president said, “I’m the commander, I
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13. don’t need to explain, I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the
interesting thing about being president.”
Top Slider pitchers: Ron “Gator” Guidry, Steve Carlton
Slider nickname: biter
Ultimately, 43 didn’t bare any responsibility for the debacle in Iraq, showing
a complete disdain for any accountability whatsoever.
It’s no surprise that 43 ducked when an irate Iraqi tomahawked his shoes
(one at a time) at President Bush’s head while he was giving a talk in Iraq
with the prime minister at his side. Tossing your shoes at someone in Iraq is
considered to be the highest display of disrespect for an individual. W.
ducked all responsibility for invading Iraq and all subsequent chaos that
ensued. Bush would never admit that he made any mistakes in Iraq. Every
time 43 was asked if he made any mistakes, he would dodge and evade the
question much like a kid trying to finagle his way out of trouble after his
mother caught him red handed.
When it came to Iraq, the Bush White House was slick. W. had a “brain” in
his chief of staff Karl Rove. Texas journalists James Moore and Wayne
Slater coined the phrase Bush’s Brain as the title of their book about how
Rove made 43 appear presidential.
Most Americans didn’t have to sacrifice anything during the conflict. After
all, 43 told everybody that there were no worries, just go to the mall and
spend your money, it’ll be life as usual. Since we had nothing to be
concerned about – except, perhaps America’s ever expanding waistline -
why not head over to the Cheesecake Factory for a slice of that oh, so
creamy.
The Dire Straits song Money for Nothing must’ve influenced 43, when he
made the decision to invade Iraq. In his mind, going to war was as easy as
making money by playing your guitar on MTV. Mark Knopfler sings the
opening verse:
I want my MTV
Now look a them yo-yo’s
That’s the way you do it
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14. You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain’t workin’
That’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’
And your chicks for free
Now that ain’t workin’
That’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’
And your chicks for free
I want my, I want my
I want my MTV
Money for nothin’
And chicks for free2
Unfortunately, the boots on the ground in Iraq found the music to be deadly.
The insurgents, terrorists, and the enemy devised the diabolical IED
(Improvised Explosive Device) that kept blowing up the dancers on the
dance floor.
Pitchers are taught from an early age not to “tip” or give away their pitches
to the other team, which can result in the opposing batters getting an edge.
When a batter returns to the dugout after his at-bat, he can’t wait to tell the
next series of batters anything that he picked up in the batter’s box, which
the next batter can use to his advantage. If you seen it once, you’ve seen it
thousands of times, the batter walks into the dugout and can’t stop talking
about every pitch, every nuance of the at-bat to any batter or coach that he
passes.
When a baseball is coming at you between 90 and 100 M.P.H. and a batter
has less than one second to decide whether to swing - everybody wants an
edge. Tipping can manifest itself in different ways: the manner in which a
pitcher holds his body, the angle at which he holds his glove, finger
movement on the glove, or in its most blatant form, revealing the handgrip
on the ball, which is akin to waving the white flag. Hiding one’s handgrip
until the last possible moment is considered critical to being a successful
pitcher. Interesting that the Commander in Chief George W. Bush tipped his
2
Mark Knopfler, Sting, 1985, “Money for Nothing” “Brothers in Arms”, Chariscourt Limited PRS,
Mercury Records Ltd., (London).
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15. pitches when he said, “Can we win? I don’t think you can win it” on Aug.
30, 2004 when asked if the war on terror was winnable during a Today show
interview. 43 should’ve never given the opposition a psychological edge
like that. Once the pitcher has tipped off his pitches, the batter is ready for
him and usually wins that battle.
This whole war with Iraq could’ve been avoided if 43 just enlisted the help
of those two clever, special effects guys, Jamie Hynaman and Adam Savage
from Mythbusters to test his weapons of mass destruction theory (W.M.D.)
-confirming or busting it. They have the know-how and the experience to
test any myth. This was not as far fetched as one might think. President
Obama asked Jamie and Adam to test whether Greek scientist Archimedes
set fire to a Roman fleet by reflecting the sun’s rays on it with mirrors. In
2006, Mythbusters tested this exact same myth and busted it, and
subsequently reported back to President Obama that the result was the same
in December 2008. Jamie and Adam are uniquely qualified to put the
W.M.D. myth to the test. The war could’ve been avoided with one phone
call.
On Nov. 6, 2000, W. said, “they misunderestimated me.” This is not a
typo. They sure did Mr. President, they sure did!
Several theories abound as to why 43 went to war against Iraq. The most
frequently mentioned was a personal vendetta he had against Saddam for
trying to assassinate his father, George H. W. Bush during Operation Desert
Storm.
W. certainly had a bone to pick with Saddam. He decided to shift the blame
for 9/11 from Al Qaeda to Saddam. 43 said “You know one of the hardest
parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror” in an interview with
CBS News on Sept. 6, 2006.
One thing’s for sure; George W. Bush will never win the coveted Cy Young
Award, not even close. He’s enshrined in a hall of fame of sorts, more like a
hall of infamy or oddities, something akin to the Ripley’s Believe it Not
attraction on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. The unmistakable smell of the
ocean saltwater, and the lure of the Jersey shore are all around, but nothing
remotely close to the hallowed halls of Cooperstown. He’s nominated not
for meritorious achievement, but for his notorious behavior, abhorrent
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16. actions, and clear abuse of presidential powers. Let’s not forget about the
White House circumventing the FISA courts and tweaking the law, to make
the practice of water boarding appear barely legal. The intellect and political
acumen of a Henry Kissinger are not required here to comprehend the
reality.
Officially, W. will become eligible for induction in the Hall in 2013, five
years after he left office. But the Baseball Writer’s of America (BBWAA)
will summarily reject him on the first ballot. Needing 75 percent of the
writers for induction, 43 might as well stop at that one horse coffee shop in
Crawford to jawbone with the locals, because being voted into the Hall of
Fame in Cooperstown will be as likely as comedian Bill Maher being invited
to Wasilla, Alaska for a weekend of hunting and fishing with Sarah Palin,
complete with all the trimmings like moose stew and perhaps another part of
the moose anatomy that I’d prefer not to mention. Maher says just don’t
invite Dick Cheney because he’d rather not get shot in the face like Cheney
did to his lawyer friend Harry Whittington on a quail hunt in Texas in 2006,
as he’s under contract to produce and host Real Time with Bill Maher for
HBO for as long as he wishes.
On August 16, 2007 after 43 announced that his daughter Jenna was getting
married, I saw something in Newsweek magazine that made me sick to my
stomach. I couldn’t shake it then and still can’t now. A quote found on the
“Perspectives” page was from a grieving mother whom recently lost her son
in Iraq. She said, “Why am I planning a funeral, when he’s planning a
wedding.” Those eleven words have been permanently etched in my mind
ever since. This mother’s sentiment symbolizes the great collective loss that
America endured and just what a horrific blunder it was to invade Iraq.
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