1. Newlywed’s Leader Guide
Lesson topic: Balancing School, Work and Family Life
90 Minutes
Materials
§ Computer and projector
§ Speakers
§ Pens
§ Printed handouts and worksheets in folders
§ Light refreshments
Environment
§ UVU classroom with desks all facing the front of the room
§ Wednesday evenings from 6:30-8:00
§ The class is designed for newlywed couples without children
§ Approximately 20 people will be attending
§ Light refreshments will be provided for the participants
Objectives
§ Upon successful completion of this lesson, participants will be able to:
§ Have open communication regarding their personal and
companionship goals and priorities.
§ Set goals and make plans to accomplish the things they want.
§ Create more harmony in their lives.
§ Prioritize their life.

2. I. Introduction
1. Explain
§ It is exciting to be a newlywed! You have now met, and have fallen in
love with your spouse, and are embarking on your new life as a couple.
One aspect of being a newlywed that you may not be expecting is the
new balance of life. Now you are sharing time with each other, possibly
going to school, working, spending time with both your parents and your
in-laws, not to mention your hobbies, or those of your spouse, etc.
Balancing all of these things can be really difficult and frustrating at
times, but learning how to manage and prioritize your time will be of
great benefit to you and your spouse, mentally, emotionally, and
physically. It is vital to have good communication skills with your spouse
while figuring out this balance. As a couple you can talk about which
aspects are most important, and work on creating a system that works
for you. One Psychologist, named Dr. Jim Healy said, “Most problems in
life don’t get ‘solved,’ they get managed. We make corrections and
adjustments as we go. When asked what it took to be happy, Sigmund
Freud said, ‘to love and to work.’ In this case, he wasn’t far wrong. Only,
keep them balanced!’” (Healy, 2016). In one article written by a man
named Dave Boehi said, “Don’t consider a marriage a 50/50 affair!
Consider it a 100 percent affair. The only way you can make a marriage
work is to have both parties give a hundred percent every time” (Boehi,
n.d.).
2. Ask
§ “Why do you feel that it is important to balance in a marriage?”
II. Balancing
1. Activity: Role-play

3. § A husband walks into talk to his wife on the couch. She is working on
homework. He asks her if she has a second to talk about his work. She
says yes, and he begins to tell her that a position at work has opened up
that will require upwards of 60 hours a week. He feels like this would be
very beneficial to them to earn the extra money, however he won’t be
able to see her very much. His only hours off would be when she is at
school, or asleep. She doesn’t look like she approves. Even though they
don’t have much money. She tells him that she wants to be able to see
him, and that spending a little time together is what she wants, and if he
takes this job she won’t be able to see him. They decide to talk about
their priorities, they feel that their young family can get along okay
without the extra money right now, but if the job opportunity is only
temporary it may be helpful to save extra to prepare for future kids. They
decide that as long as it is a temporary job to get them out of their school
debts then they will do it. as they want to start having children within
the next few years.
§ Punch line: Clearly communicate with your spouse in setting
expectations and establishing priorities.
§ Say: This is an example of what goes on while trying to create a
balance in marriage.
2. Ask
§ What kinds of balancing situations have you experienced as
newlyweds? (Start fishing for possible scenarios, and coaching
opportunities.)
§ How have you worked through them, or what would you like to learn
today?
3. Read
§ “We learn our patterns of togetherness and individuality in our
families of origin. Different families have different styles. Some families
emphasize closeness, while others accentuate individual needs and
activities. Your partner will have different expectations shaped by their

4. family experience, so you may have to find a new balance. It’s common
for couples to struggle over finding the “right balance of time spent
together and apart, as well as what level of closeness to maintain with
one’s original family. However, your aim should be to find a cooperative
rather than adversarial way to engage in this essential process”
(Kuhlman, Gregory, & Patricia, 2003).
4. Demonstration
§ Have an empty mason jar in the front of the classroom on a table. Next
to the jar have a designated amount of large stones. Also have a
designated amount of rice in a cup next to the stones. Hold up the jar to
show the class, tell them that you need to fill up the jar with all the rice,
and all of the stones. The rice are things of little importance and the
stones are of greater importance. Set the jar back on the table. Begin
pouring in the rice. When all the rice is in the jar, pick up some of the
stones and begin filling the jar until it is full. There will not be enough
room to put in all of the stones. So pull the stones back out, and empty
the rice back into the cup. Explain to the class that it is essential to
prioritize what is most important as a couple so you can put the most
important things in first. If there is enough room you can add in more.
Hold up each stone one by one, with the class giving suggestions of what
each of the stones represent. Then after all the stones are in the jar, talk
about what the rice could represent and begin to pour the rice into the
jar. Everything will fit into the jar when it is balanced. The most
important things going first. Talk to the class about what they have
learned from this demonstration.
5. Activity: The Importance of Balancing Handout
§ Have the class write down what are the most important priorities that
they have in their life (stones). As well as what is less important (rice).
This will help set the stage for the planner, and the 5-year plan.
6. Coaching
§ How to balance a situation with someone in the audience.

5. III. Compromising
1. Explain
§ Being able to effectively and clear communicate with each other is key
to compromising and help brings mutual understanding.
§ Never assume
§ Consider all the options
§ Be consistent with your decisions
§ Be an active listener. (Don’t listen with the intent to reply, listen with
the intent to understand). Video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP55nA8fQ9I
§ Check in with one another
§ “Compromise is the art of acknowledging that the other person, with
his or her unique character traits and ways of doing things, might also be
right, and in affirming that the relationship is more important than the
difference in opinion.”(D’souza, M., n.d) In simple terms it is, A
settlement of differences by a mutual agreement (The definition of
compromise, 2016).
2. Activity: Watch Videos
§ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6YPEs77hF4
§ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsIcV8QMH-0 (Funny)
IV. Making a Plan
1. Explain
§ Talking as a couple about your priorities, and goals, as well as
expectations as individuals and as a couple.
§ Keep a planner.
§ Talk about what you want out of your school, work, and family life.
§ Compromise to create a balanced plan that each person is happy with.

6. 2. Activity: 5 Year Plan
§ Hand each couple a blank five-year plan. At the top of the page it asks
what are his/her expectations with school, work and family life.
§ Tell the class: That they will be working on them for 7 minutes by
themselves. Only filling out personal information. After the 7 minutes the
couple will share with each other what they wrote (3 minutes). Then
they will have 10 minutes to work on combining their plans, and figuring
out what their main goals are.
§ Instructor walks around the classroom to answer or clarify any
questions).
§ The students will most likely not finish this during the appointed time;
instruct them to start on the major points. Their homework is finishing
their 5-year plan.
3. Ask
§ What was your experience with starting your 5-year plan?
4. Activity
§ Give couples a scenario of something they may have to balance. 5
minutes Teach: Teach them what they can do to talk to each other, using
good communication skills to come to a mutual agreement. Teach them
to speak, listen and cooperate. 5 minutes Show: Call someone out of the
audience to show and practice in front of the group. After it has been
demonstrated, have the participant sit back down. 6 minutes Do: Have
the couples take turns practicing what they learned. Each turn is 3
minutes.
5. Possible Scenario
§ The Husband comes home from work, the same time as his wife pulls
into the driveway from school. She tells him that her parents just called
her inviting them to Sunday dinner. He also had told his parents they
would go to Sunday dinner at their house. Both parents are anxious for
their kids to come to dinner. The couple begins arguing about whose
house they are going to go to. They can’t figure out a solution. After a

7. minute, the husband asks his wife how they can make both of their
parents happy. The wife thinks for a minute and offers the suggestion
that they trade off each month whose parent’s they spend Sunday dinner
with. Her husband agrees, and tells his wife that they can start by going
to her parent’s house first.
6. Ask
§ What have you learned tonight that you can apply into your lives to
help find better balance?
V. Conclusion
1. Depending on time ask some people to share what they have learned.
2. Ask if there are any questions
3. Summarize what was taught
§ “As you continue learning these skills and improving upon them, you
will be able to find more balance in your lives.”
4. Thank them for coming.
VII. References
Boehi, D. (n.d.) The 50/50 Myth. Retrieved March 26, 2016, from
http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/gods-
plan-for-marriage/the-5050-myth
D’souza, M. (n.d.). The importance of Compromise in a relationship.
Retrieved March 31, 2016, from http://www.mensxp.com/dating/inner-
game/6620-the-importance-of-compromise-in-a-relationship.html
Healy, J., PhD. (2016). Balancing Family and Work. Retrieved March 24, 2016,
from http://www.foryourmarriage.org/balancing-family-and-work/

8. Khulman, G., & Khulman, P. (2003). Build the foundation for your lifetime together.
Retrieved March 31, 2016, from http://www.stayhitched.com/togeth.html
The definition of compromise.(2016). Retrieved March 31, 2016, from
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/compromise.