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1. Family and Kids Tips
Raising children is an extreme sport, probably
the most difficult task that an adult can face.
None of us will ever be the perfect parent.
However, you can try to be a good guardian and
give your little ones the best gift not only on
Children's Day.
Raising children - the ideal has not been
recorded
Is there a golden recipe for how to be the
perfect parent? Obviously not! Although the
bookshelves in libraries all over the world are
filled with parenting guides by practitioners and
2. professors of psychology, to this day no one
optimal way to educate future generations has
been found. Why? The answer to this question
is trivially simple. Education is a relationship
between people. Even if it is not a partnership
(and in the early years of life, when a child is
dependent on its caregivers, it is difficult to talk
about equality), it still takes place between two
(let us assume that we are talking about a
relationship between one parent and a child)
completely different people, whose needs and
perception of what is happening around may be
completely different. The situation is
complicated by the fact that over time, not only
parents, but also other people - siblings, peers,
teachers, authorities, grandparents, etc., as well
as important events, and even trends and
environmental conditions in which he comes to
growing up. All this gives an equation with an
infinite number of unknowns, the correct result
of which no one has yet been able to indicate.
Janusz Korczak himself used to say that: " Raising a child is not a nice game, but a
task in which you have to put the effort of sleepless nights, the capital of hard
experiences, and a lot of thought...". This quote illustrates well what parents can
expect when their child checks into the world. Fortunately, we are not alone in the
hardships of upbringing. The experience of other family members, and the help of
psychological and pedagogical counseling centers, educators, or school
psychologists can make the challenge of upbringing a bit easier. Literature and the
Internet also come to the rescue. For our part, we have prepared a subjective set of
3. seven tips that parents should follow. Using them will not make you a perfect parent
(because there is no such person), but they may turn out to be a useful compass on
the educational trail.
Presence and own example
One of the basic principles of upbringing present in virtually every theory is the
principle of assistance , i.e. simply being with the child. The physical closeness of a
parent is especially important in the first months and years of life. Obvious in theory,
but in practice, especially in our busy times, it becomes a real challenge for many
families. Being able to cuddle up to an adult and dry their tears in their embrace
ensures that the child's basic needs for safety and belonging are met . Over the years,
a child will need their example more than their parents' arms. It is difficult to demand
from a child something that we neglect ourselves. If we require our offspring to
achieve excellent academic results, participate in various interest clubs, and have our
own ambitions similar to those of scientists from CERN, and we ourselves spend the
afternoons watching TV series and complaining about the surrounding reality, we lose
authenticity in the eyes of the child and get rid of the remnants of authority.
Parental cooperation
Parental cohesion is one of the foundations for the proper development of a child. Of
course, that doesn't mean you have to agree with your husband on everything from
now on. A child needs different role models and the diversity of spouses can be a real
treasure for him. However, the natural differences of characters must under no
circumstances turn into a situation in which the child becomes the object of a game
between the parents . Winning a toddler on your side and proving the other half right
by winning the favor of the youngest family member can have devastating effects on a
4. child's development and even inhibit the process of becoming an independent
person.
I know what's best for you
As the years go by, the growing child will become more and more independent and
will try to solve the problems he encounters on his own. As the child enters the next
stages of adolescence, the role of the parent also changes. The role of the protector
and absolute authority is gradually fading away . A young man discovers new
inspirations, passions, faces challenges that may be too much for him. Regardless of
how he demonstrates his progressing "adulthood", know that this is the time when he
still needs support in the persons of his parents. This time, however, more in the role
of a lighthouse and a port where he can call in the event of a squall, and not a tugboat
that will try to lead him through dangerous sea currents on his own course.
Speak responsibly
Parents are the most important people for a person who is just getting to know the
world. What a child hears from them creates his image of himself in the eyes of
others. Phrases often falling from the mouth of parents create a framework from
which we sometimes cannot free ourselves even in adult life. This applies to both
compliments and negative opinions. Try to listen to what you say to your child and
take into account that your words may be perceived differently by them. Talk about
everything, don't pretend that you don't see the problem, don't hide behind "parental
correctness". Try to do everything in your power to be well understood. Although in
many situations it is difficult to turn off emotions, it is worth looking at your words
and the reactions of their small addressees. Analyze (even after the fact) what and
how it comes out of your mouth. If the messages are rather negative, then try to find
5. excuses to praise the child on other occasions in order to balance the message and
strengthen his self-esteem.
Ambition for two
One of the deadly sins of parenting is projecting your own unfulfilled ambitions onto
your offspring. If your ballerina career has never developed the way you'd like it to,
that doesn't mean your daughter will want to be a prima ballerina. If you never got into
medicine, that doesn't necessarily mean your son should "avenge" his mother and
become a doctor. Each of us is different , everyone has different predispositions and
desires. Freedom of choice is one of those things for which your child will surely
thank you someday . Of course, it does not completely relieve adults from the
obligation to advise the younger generation. However, there is a big difference
between expressing opinions and making demands, especially regarding the future.
Tomek's freedom in my house
Setting boundaries is another overriding principle in human relationships. It is a
difficult skill that we learn throughout our lives. A child from an early age should be
aware of the rules that we must all follow. Of course, it's not about preparing a list of
punishments or following artificial conventions. A set of your family rules will help
you all determine the common ground, as well as the values
that are important to you.
On the shoulders of parents is additionally the obligation to enforce the
consequences for exceeding them. Each time you go beyond the established limits
without drawing conclusions, it creates room for further deviations from the rules.
Neglecting them, we may not notice when it comes to a snowball effect and our child
breaks the rules, for which there will be more serious consequences (e.g. school). But
boundaries aren't just needed to maintain domestic discipline. Putting them also has
a second bottom - it allows you to protect yourself in relationships with others,
6. teaches empathy and gives the child a sense of a safe shore, a fixed point to which he
will always be able to refer in a moment of disorientation.
Learn to listen
Proverbs are said to be the wisdom of a nation. As with every rule, there are
exceptions here as well. One of them is the well-known: "Children and fish have no
voice." Denying the youngest the right to express their own emotions, including those
whose consequences may be unpleasant for us (e.g. anger, shame, fear, anxiety),
closes the child to parents. Let's not expect from a few or even a teenager that he will
be able to say what is on his mind by citing specific arguments, weighing words and
maintaining a logical sequence of statements. Even us adults sometimes have a
problem with this. Children speak to us primarily with their behavior, crying,
withdrawing, smiling, facial expressions, gestures . Try to listen to the child's
behavior, look at his emotions, to which he has every right.Do not put yourself on the
pedestal of an adult who knows everything and understands what is going on in the
toddler's head . With this attitude, you are digging a moat between you. Openness to
the voice of the young generation should not, of course, lead us to the other extreme -
uncritical acceptance of all the expectations and whims of the child.