1. Wife of Bath and the
High Tolerance of

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Abuse in Marriages
and Relationships
A s h l e y D e s t i n
P r o f e s s o r W e n z e l l
B r i t i s h L i t e r a t u r e
F i n a l P a p e r
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Ashley Destin
Professor Wenzell
British Literature
November 30, 2015
Wife of Bath and the High Tolerance of Abuse
In Marriages and Relationships
Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Whether it is physical, emotional, or mental
abuse; neither of them is more severe than one. An abusive relationship is the act of using
someone wrongly, improperly, or excessively. One might ask why you would perform any of
these acts on someone you love. Studies have proven that this human action is psychological. To
some extent, each of us marries to make up for our own deficiencies. (P.70 Sheldon B. Kopp) If
we married spouses who were the same as ourselves, other kinds of disasters might occur. (p.71)
Two timid souls would reinforce each other’s cautiousness till neither would ever take risks to try
anything new. An adventuresome couple might intensify each other’s recklessness into a spiral of
catastrophes. People look for the other half of themselves in a marriage. Examples of this would
be aggressiveness, tenderness, spontaneity, and stability. They would seek mates who are
caricatures of the other end of the personality spectrum. Such as timid, self- inhibiting woman
who searches for a glamorous, super adventuresome epic hero of a man. While on the other hand
he seeks, a woman too scared to let him get into trouble.
The Wife of Bath is a woman's autobiographical story of multiple marriages that did not
end in success. The irony of the story is she claims that the thing she most desires in marriage is
self- same sovereignty over her husband or lover. Sovereignty is having authority over the
relationship and having the freedom to do as one pleases. What she does unknowingly is she

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misinterprets sovereignty with dictatorship. A dictator is a person behaves in a cruel and
oppressive manner. A marriage should be about compromise because no one person in a
relationship should be any more valuable than one. She surprisingly does not notice her theory of
an ideal marriage is fictitious. Hence, the repeated failure of each marriage should have been a
red flag.
“It is difficult to analyze each husband of Bath, because the only information we know
about them are characteristics the Wife of Bath conveys. According to Bath, they were three of a
kind: good, rich, and old. (English.fsu.edu/canterbury/wife) She says that they were so old that
they were having difficulties having sex. Sex is an important aspect of a marriage; but it is not
what keeps a marriage together. Sex is a way to express one's love in a passionate and sensual
way. Physical intimacy is validation to a spouse that you are still attracted to them.” It was a
simple task for Bath to manipulate these old men with sex. They loved the fact that a woman is
still allowing them access to her most sacred temple (her body). At their age, they might fear lack
of attractiveness to the opposite sex. If they did, what Bath wanted them to do then they knew
there were no worries and they would still have access to her sex. Bath also enjoyed sex for
validation also. She loved the feeling of controlling a man with her body and her beauty; if she
no longer has that validation, it would destroy her. “When a husband does not cultivate intimacy
and romance with their wife, she is left with a void in her soul.(familylife.com) A wife will feel
undesirable and she will wonder if she is still attractive, if something is wrong with her, or if he
still loves her. In addition, a man's sexual performance with his wife is an inseparable part of
who he is.”
When Bath states the husbands were "good" she really means they were easily
dominated. They quickly bowed to her authority. They worshipped the ground she walks on. If

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she were to order them to jump, they would politely ask how high. She controlled them by
creating arguments with them when they were drunk. She accuses them of saying derogatory
statements about women. After she would sass them and highly disrespect them, they were just
happy when she would speak to them nicely. The fact that these three husbands were passive and
too nice was the main reason why she did not love them and she was only married to them to use
and abuse them. She was an extremely dominate woman so psychologically she needed a
submissive husband. Two highly dominate people together is a call for a disaster. She wanted the
three husbands to put her in her place at times, when needed. They were too afraid to speak up
and be a strong man, so she got bored. There was no excitement to them at all and that is what
she mostly detested.
There are quotes from the text that states why and how she married the old men for
money. “Yblessed be God, that I have wedded fyve; (Of whiche I have pyked out the beste, Bothe
of here nether purs and of here cheste.”(44-46) This quote basically shows when Bath admits to
marrying for money, but she implies that good penis (by which she may also mean talent in bed)
is money in one's pocket by calling a man's genitals a "nether
purs."( English.fsu.edu/canterbury/wife) “For wel ye knowe, a lord in his houshold, He nath nat
every vessel al of gold; Somme been of tree, and doon hir lord servyse.”(105-107) In this quote
Bath is comparing virgins to gold and sexually active women to wooden dishes. It is true that a
lord would have both golden and wooden dishes in his household, and would be able to use both.
He probably would not bring out the wooden dishes for "company dinners" when he wanted to
impress someone. The Wife, on the other hand, has no scruples about bringing out the lustfulness
in front of “company.Myn housbond shal it have bothe eve and morwe, Whan that hym list come
forth and paye his dette. An housbonde I wol have, I wol nat lette, Which shal be bothe my

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dettour and my thral.” (158-161) It is appropriate that Bath allows her husband to pay her for
having sex with her, since she is previously referred to a man's penis as his "nether purs." Sex
and money are obviously very much linked in Bath's mind. (English.fsu.edu/canterbury/wife)
These quotes are clearly disturbing and uncanny for several reasons. The way she describes
getting paid money for sex is unethical. Marriage is a partnership, so the thought of a spouse
paying for sex is obviously misconstrued. A person can give their spouse money or nice things
anytime; even for no reason. There is no reason to sleep with your husband for money, which is
quite idiotic. Her motive was to confuse her husband into thinking she is worthy of all his
money. So in exchange, she proves her worth by being great in bed. The second quote shows her
perception of a wife is to be impure and not a virgin so they should not be put on a pedestal or
shown off as a trophy. This logic is absurd because when a man makes a woman his wife she
should always be the number one woman in his life. It does not matter if she is a virgin or not,
the love he has for his wife is all the reason for showing her off as the "Golden Dishes."
The fourth and fifth husband; on the other hand were different from the other three.
Husband number four does not bow down to the wife and is not as easy going as the other
husbands. Bath uses a different approach with him. She makes him think she is cheating on him,
which necessitates a different approach to dominating him. (English.fsu.edu/canterbury/wife)
The jealousy of the thought of his wife cheating drives him crazy. The situation with husband
number four is for the first time Bath showed vulnerability. She admits that when her husband
cheats or give attention to other woman it really upsets her. She punishes him by convincing him
that she is cheating on him also. He soon died and the wife buried him inexpensively because she
believed wealth was not important because he lived a wealthy life. It is ironic that she loved the
husbands who treated her worst the most.

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Her fifth husband Jankyn that was the most genuine of them all. She genuinely loved the
fifth husband, even though he treated her horribly and beat her. He was modest and shy
especially in a playful or provocative way and he was flattering in bed. He always won her over
with his sex. Bath states that women always desire what is forbidden to them and run away from
whatever pursues or is forced upon them. The fifth husband was also different from the other
four because she married him for love, not money. He was a poor ex-student who boarded with
the Bath's friend and confidante. When she first met Jankyn she was still married to her fourth
husband. She told Jankyn that she would have married him if she was widowed. She admitted at
her fourth husband's funeral that she did not cry much because she already had another husband
lined up. The fifth husband was only twenty years old and she was 40 years old. One evening,
out of frustration, the Wife tears three pages out of a book and punches Jankyn in the face.
Jankyn repays her by striking her on the head, which is the reason, she explains in the story, that
she is now deaf in one ear. She cries out that she wants to kiss him before she dies, but when he
comes over, she hits him again. They finally manage a truce, in which he hands over all of his
low class estate to her, and she acts kindly and loving. This marriage was not the healthiest but it
was without a doubt genuine.
In today's society, people misconstrue the balance of a genuine and healthy
relationship/marriage. There is always a reason behind abuse in a relationship. Many people
choose to ignore the signs or they have not figured out what they truly need in a partner. The first
step to a successful relationship is to know you. Wife of Bath was a walking contradiction. She
did not truly know who she was or what she wanted from a mate. If she had knowledge of
herself, she would not have married all those men for money. She would have known her true
desire was too fine a genuine love. Love is much more valuable than any amounts of money. She

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realized that when it was too late to recover from her terrible habits. Anyone who acquires the
structure of their mentalities and persona will soon determine what they desire in a mate. People
are always complaining about the attraction of good girls to bad guys and good guys to bad girls.
When really the idea of this mentality is all psychological and the way of life. If someone is a
genuinely nice and a good person, this does not mean they will be equally yoked with someone
rude and evil. There is a balance between a little edge to a person and a complete narcissist.
When someone finds the right mate for them, they are able to help them reach the balance of
edginess that they need and desire. This also goes for an edgy person wanting a sweet and shy
person to open up to them just enough to satisfy their needs.
Marriages are good for couples' mental and physical health. They are also good for
children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and
social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States
divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages are even higher.(apa.org) People need to
update how we think of marriage. People are getting married later in life, which often means they
are more financially stable. On the other hand, people with more education are more likely to
marry now than ever before and these marriages often last longer. The reason for this conclusion
is that people who are stable financially, educated, and content with their self; are more likely to
commit to another person. They know their selves much better because they have achieved many
goals. Also they overcame obstacles to be where they want to be in life. This causes them to want
to share their success with someone special and they feel secure with the responsibilities that
come with a relationship/marriage. Sovereignty should be a mutual recognition of each other’s
desires to be met. Marriage will never go away in society. All these dating sites are available
nowadays all because of one purpose; and that is to find that one true love to spend the rest of

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our lives with.
Work Cited
"The Wife of Bath's Tale." The Wife of Bath's Tale. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2015.
"His Name Among the Nations." Family and Marriage, Help and Hope for Marriages and Families.
N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2015.
“apa.org N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2015.
“If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him!” By Sheldon B. Kopp

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our lives with.
Work Cited
"The Wife of Bath's Tale." The Wife of Bath's Tale. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2015.
"His Name Among the Nations." Family and Marriage, Help and Hope for Marriages and Families.
N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2015.
“apa.org N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2015.
“If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him!” By Sheldon B. Kopp