BILL Welcome As we focus our thoughts on what it means to show selfless love let’s read 1 Corinthians 1-8. It is the foundational passage for our series
Dawn reads Bill prays After we read the verse we’ll pray
Dawn Last week Shane & Andrea used 1 Corinthians and a number of other verses to speak to us about unconditional love Read / Briefly touch on all 4 points Today we are going to speak on Christ’s call for selfless love and cover how that specifically applies to a Godly marriage
Dawn Tonight we are going to contrast those expectations of selfishness with God’s desire for our lives and marriages First, we’ll consider why it’s so hard for many people to have an attitude of selflessness today Next, we’ll define a biblical understanding of selfless love Then, we’ll talk about our call to live that example and what it means Finally, we’ll apply selfless servanthood to marriage
BILL Discuss how society points to focus on the individual… prior to marriage, you may have decades of self focus. There could also be a fear that if you depend on each other, you will fall short. Perhaps talk about our cultures understanding of the role or self and defining selflessness in relationships
BILL It’s the “kid’s today” mentality for every generation to be critical of the next, but… Just about everyone in this room falls somewhere on the generational spectrum between Gen X and Millennial What we’ve been told is that our generation is exceedingly self-focused, even by the standards of our society We have little patience and short attention spans We want things now and we want them our way HR departments at many businesses now are offering specific training about how to handle our mindsets How did we get this way? Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay: 1990 book Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility [1 Many of us develop this mentality because we have what they term as “helicopter parents” that hover above and around us making sure everything works out by for us waking us up, doing our homework, harassing our teacher about poor grades, generally making sure we avoid the trials and lessons that are supposed to be part of the adolescent experience Example: One mom took her daughter’s entrance exams because she didn’t trust her daughter to do well enough to get into the mom’s preferred school This leads to a mentality that everything should work out in our best interests and if it looks like that’s not going to happen then we should quit or turn to someone that will bail us out. We have accepted and embraced this outlook In short, we become self-centered, self-focuses, and generally selfish And this is the attitude that we bring into our relationships and eventually marriage
Dawn Gary Thomas writes in Sacred Marriage that it takes most couples between 9-14 years to stop referring to “I” and “me” in marriage and start thinking in terms of “we” Unfortunately many marriages don’t last long enough to get to this point. According to the U.S. census bureau the average length of an American marriage is 8 years! As these statistics show, without Christ is almost impossible to sustain a selfless attitude towards marriage over time That’s why we need to look towards Christ’s example
BILL
BILL Jesus’ response to the mother of James and John when she requests that her children be seated next to him in Heaven She was the Biblical example of the helicopter parent! Disciples could only see the benefit to themselves at this point from following Jesus Believed he was the Messiah, but also thought his kingdom would be established on Earth
Bill This passage takes place just days after Palm Sunday when Jesus is hailed by the public as the “Messiah” Jesus’ personal example to the disciples only hours before he was betrayed Serves every disciple, include Judas who would betray him
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Bill Add more detail / additional verses explaining what it means to “die to oneself” Dying to oneself and becoming a servant can take many forms – may be as simple as taking out the trash or picking up groceries for a neighbor May be setting aside personal time each day to pray / study scripture May be opening up to talk with your spouse showing vulnerability
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Dawn Each give an example of how we’ve served the other
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Dawn Many people pretend to love others – how to speak kindly, avoid hurting feelings, etc. We may even be skilled in pretending to feel moved with compassion when we hear of others’ needs… But God calls us to real and sincere love. This requires concentration and effort, helping others become better people No individual has the capacity to express love to a whole community, but the body of Christ does
Dawn Husbands are called to follow the example Christ sets for the Church Wives are to strive to be the holy Church
Dawn Husbands are called to follow the example Christ sets for the Church Wives are to strive to be the holy Church
BILL As Shane mentioned last week, Pete Briscoe recently preached series of messages on Ephesians One of his main points about this passage is the concept that one + one = one! We are to be joined together as one in marriage and Christ and the Church are joined together This is why Paul continues the analogy of the Christ and the Church when talking about marriage Although we are told “two become one” on our wedding day the reality is that this process usually takes much longer Remember, Gary Thomas said the process can take 9 to 14 years from “me” to “we” Oneness means that we are both fully committed and engaged in our marriage Oneness means that we think about what’s best for “us” even if it requires one to be selfless to the other Oneness means we are selfless even when we don’t “feel” like being selfless
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Dawn Greenup Story A couple we know who have been married for several years exhibits Selfless Love every day in a way that challenges Bill and I to think about love from Christ's point of view. This couple has a love for life and for each other and for Christ that is clearly evident when you first meet them... the wife is bubbly and joyful and the husband clearly loves his wife and focuses on putting Christ first in their decisions as a couple. They have 3 grown children and 6 grandchildren who they love spending time with. Over 20 years ago, they made the decision to have the wife's mother move into their home. She was suffering from early stages of MS and needed care and they could not bare to put her into a nursing home facility. There have been ups and downs over the years, but she remains in their home, under their care and watch after 20 years of her body slowly being overtaken by the disease. This story strikes us b/c we think about the normal stresses of a few decades of marriage - career changes, children growing into teenagers, financial pressures, etc and to handle all of this with a mother-in-law under your roof puts the need to lean on Christ to a whole new level! We hope that this story opens your eyes to the fact that Christ will give you strength and love to endure these types of decisions you may have to face in your marriage.
BILL & Dawn Bill will discuss the first 2 / Dawn the second 2 points Perhaps discuss how long it takes to build these habits in your marriage… 9-14 to think “us” vs “me”
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