Don't Negotiate Like a Dick

Uploaded on


More in: Business , Technology
  • Full Name Full Name Comment goes here.
    Are you sure you want to
    Your message goes here
No Downloads


Total Views
On Slideshare
From Embeds
Number of Embeds



Embeds 0

No embeds

Report content

Flagged as inappropriate Flag as inappropriate
Flag as inappropriate

Select your reason for flagging this presentation as inappropriate.

    No notes for slide


  • 2. there is a widely held misunderstanding about what great negotiation is
  • 3. and that misconception is that great negotiation is fair for all sides
  • 4. i’ll let you in on a little secret
  • 5. great negotiation is not about being fair
  • 6. your choices are not limited to win-lose (unfair outcomes) or win-win (fair outcomes)
  • 7. in fact, there is a third option
  • 8. and that is what great negotiation is all about
  • 9. the key to understanding this third option is to disabuse yourself of the notion that win- win is about being fair
  • 10. what you’ve been defining as win-win, is actually lose-lose
  • 11. let me explain by way of an example and a story
  • 12. by way of example, let’s assume that we are negotiating over 100% of something
  • 13. win-lose occurs when we split the 100% in an unfair distribution, let’s say i get 60% and you get 40%
  • 14. in this case, i win and you lose
  • 15. and as a result, we may have damaged our long-term relationship a bit 
  • 16. then there is the case where we split the 100% fairly
  • 17. i get 50% and you get 50%
  • 18. in practice, this is what most of us call win-win
  • 19. but in fact, this is lose-lose
  • 20. although we may remain friends after the encounter
  • 21. both of us end up equally disappointed with what we got
  • 22. so if win-lose is unfair and unhappy negotiation and lose- lose is fair, but unsatisfying negotiation, then what is win- win?
  • 23. win-win negotiation happens when each of us gets 100%. * win-win negotiation is also known as integrative (not distributive) negotiation is defined in greater detail by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their seminal book, Getting to Yes
  • 24. huh?!?!
  • 25. how can two people get 100% of 100%
  • 26. easy
  • 27. turn the original 100% into 200%
  • 28. you do this with creativity and by listening to, and understanding, the underlying interests of each party
  • 29. here is a story from Fisher & Ury that demonstrates the magic of 200%….
  • 30. a mother returns home from a long day at the office and finds her two daughters in the kitchen fighting
  • 31. they are screaming at each other and locked in a tug of war
  • 32. the mother sees that they are fighting over an orange
  • 33. she forcefully separates the girls
  • 34. and with both the girls complaining loudly, she grabs a sharp knife from the counter top
  • 35. no, this is not a greek tragedy and there will be no infanticide
  • 36. instead, quietly and confidently, she cuts the orange in half and gives each girl half of the fruit
  • 37. proud to have once more demonstrated mother’s wisdom at finding a win-win solution, and enjoying the relative quiet that has now descended, she starts to leave the kitchen
  • 38. but she stops short of the door as something incredibly odd happens
  • 39. the first daughter peels the half orange, throws the peel in the garbage shoot and eats the fruit
  • 40. she then goes to the refrigerator to look for a bit more food, as she remains a bit hungry
  • 41. simultaneously, and to the great surprise of the mother, the second daughter peels the orange and throws the fruit down the garbage shoot!
  • 42. the second daughter then goes to the counter top and starts calculating ingredients to bake half an orange cake, since she has only half the needed orange peel
  • 43. oh dear
  • 44. you see what has happened right?
  • 45. both daughters could have had 100% of what they wanted, but instead, because of the seductive fallacy of fairness, they got 50%
  • 46. what the mother should have done, before jumping straight to the solution based on the apparent positions of the children (I want the orange)
  • 47. was to ask, “why”
  • 48. why do you want the orange?
  • 49. and this leads to real win-win negotiation
  • 50. so when you are negotiating with partners, employees, bosses, vendors, children, or friends
  • 51. do not allow yourself to settle for win-lose or lose-lose
  • 52. push yourself to find the 200% solution
  • 53. * and check out Getting to Yes by Fisher and Ury for lots more detailed advice
  • 54. SHARE THIS DECK & FOLLOW ME(please-oh-please-oh-please-oh-please) stay up to date with my future slideshare posts Please note that all content & opinions expressed in this deck are my own and don’t necessarily represent the position of my current, or any previous, employers