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悲傷是療癒的起點,好好生活也要好好悲傷
你走了以後
台灣失落懷與諮商協會關心您
台灣每年有三千多人自殺死亡
平均每隔2.2小時
就有1人選擇結束自己的生命
關於「自殺」
台灣每年有多少人
自己結束生命呢?
那天
他自殺了...
一位自殺身亡的人,平均會對60人的情感造成衝擊,
其中至少6人受到重創。
留下來的我們...
「早知道...」
「如果...」
被留下來的人成了「自殺者遺族」
意思是:因為自殺事件而遭遇痛苦的人
「好想念」
「我好難過」
當親友過世時,我們會彼此陪伴,一起度過哀悼期...
但如果死亡的原因是「自殺」呢?
由於一般人缺乏對「自殺」的理解,
常常對自殺感到陌生、視為禁忌。
「他有吃藥?」
「太想不開了!」
「他應該多想想家人啊...」
深沉又複雜
悲傷的樣貌
震驚
聽到自殺的消息時,
多數人的第一個反應是大感震驚。
「怎麼這麼狠!」
「我不相信!」
「完全不能思考!」
困惑
懷疑自己的判斷力,是不是因為我?到底發生什麼事了?為什麼?
「我以為我很了解他...」
「他不在意我吧?」
「到底有多痛!」
怪罪(憤怒與罪惡感)
為了釐清自殺的原因,
還有誰該為自殺負責,
遺族可能會將矛頭指向自己或其他人
被指責感
憤怒
「她是不是有病?」
自
責
漫長的告別
許多遺族覺得自己若不再傷痛欲絕 、就是背叛逝者。
有時害怕忘記逝者 ,有時想忘又忘不掉。
於是不容許自己好好過日子。
「那時候好開心!」
失去熱情
認為生命無法掌控,不如過一天算一天。
也有相反的,對生活竭力掌控、強求完美。
「為什麼活?為什麼死?」
「人生沒有意義。」
「你走了,我也不過生日了。」
沉默
在大家普遍視自殺為禁忌的風氣下
,遺族情願埋藏哀傷,沈默以對。
「我不想聽到
死去的家人被批評!」
「說了也沒人懂」
只要提到她是自殺
馬上會被問為什麼…
震驚 、困惑、怪罪、
漫長的悲傷、失去熱情與沉默。
我們常誤以為逃避就不會悲傷
但是,失去摯愛的事實無可逃避,
會像潮水般一再回來。
自殺讓悲傷有了不同的樣貌。
一起來看看關於療癒的經驗吧!
慢慢走下去
療癒是面對悲傷,走進悲傷,
與痛苦揉攪在一起,
理解、容許、善待不同的自己。
談話、寫詩、繪畫、挑一首適合自己心情的歌曲...
試著表達悲傷,貼近自己內心的感受,這是療癒的起點!
後
來
呢
?
太
可
怕
了
!
很
遺
憾
好
害
怕
如
果
為
什
麼
?
都
怪
我
他
丟
下
我
了
「還是好想知道為什麼!」
「也許有一天,你可以在天堂問他!」
想知道為什麼很正常,但不是非要耗盡心力尋找死者自殺的原因。
接納困惑
因為無法對證,我們永遠無法解釋他為什麼決定要自殺
就算能找到一部分原因,也改變不了他自殺前的任何事情。
理解自殺
閱讀關於自殺的相關知識,同理他寧願一死的痛苦,
他選擇的是停止痛苦,他覺得這樣會是最好的解脫。
自殺很難預測,很多時候大家都盡力了。
自殺很難制止,每個人的影響都很有限。
「你不是遺棄我」
「我當時也努力的…」
「那時你盡力了」
燒封信、整理照片...
創造一個專屬的角落,
用自己喜歡的方式懷念。
連結回憶
調整沒有他活著的生活,但是讓回憶留下。
不是去除而是接納,找到方式持續愛著不活著的他。
創造意義
幫助他人療傷時,也可能為自己的經驗找到意義。
暫時找不到意義,找點樂趣也很好,美食、小說、電玩、運動。
人生沒有比幫助自己活下去更重要的了。
祝福逝者
自殺是個人的選擇,試著理解他的痛苦,尊重他的選擇,
回想曾經一起走過的日子、愛、思念、感恩和祝福一直都在。
願逝者安息,沒關係,沒事了,只是想你...
留下來的你、我,我們,一起走下去...
我們只能走進悲傷,一直走下去...
傷口癒合需要時間,但光有時間沒有用,
最重要的是自己的心,允許自己悲傷的心。
「你要走出來啊!」「走出來!要怎麼走 ? 走去哪?」
這不是你的錯:善待自己,我們選擇繼續活下去。
療傷之路—繼續向前行
表達
悲傷
接納
困惑
理解
自殺 連結
回憶
創造
意義
祝福
逝者
當所愛自殺
每個人走的療傷之路都不一樣,
沒有最正確的路,但是悲傷永遠是療癒的起點。
即使悲傷不會復原,人生自此不同。
但結局,永遠可以自己創造…
作者:呂芯秦
插圖:圖文不符
審訂:李佩怡
名稱:你走了以後,我…
編著:社團法人台灣失落關懷與諮商協會
作者:呂芯秦
插畫: 圖文不符
審訂:李佩怡
歡迎加入自殺者遺族臉書社團
https://www.facebook.com/groups/sos510/
本作品有著作權,保留所有權利。
請勿重製、轉載、公開播送、公開傳輸或改作。
欲利用本書全部或部分內容者,
須徵求著作財產權人同意或書面授權。
請以電子郵件聯繫:425295@gmail.com

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你走了以後