The New Birds & Bees Talking with Your Adolescent or Teen about Sexuality Melanie Davis, MEd President, Honest Exchange, LLC http://www.honestexchange.com Director of Education Services, New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness http://www.njsexualwellness.com Author, Sexuality Talking Points: A guide toward thoughtful conversations between parents and children

Talking with adolescents and teens about sexuality helps keep them physically and emotionally healthy, happy and safe. And, respectful communication about sexuality helps build bonds between parents and children. It can be easier than you think!

Talking with adolescents and teens about sexuality helps keep them physically and emotionally healthy, happy and safe.

And, respectful communication about sexuality helps build bonds between parents and children.

It can be easier than you think!

What makes it difficult to discuss sex? Sex is hardly ever just about sex. -- Shirley MacLaine

What are the benefits of parent-child communication about sex? Delayed sexual activity and smarter choices when sexual activity begins Sexuality can be put into the context of your culture, values, religion Talking about sex begets talking about sex – the more open parents are to discussing sensitive issues, the more open children are to having conversations

Delayed sexual activity and smarter choices when sexual activity begins

Sexuality can be put into the context of your culture, values, religion

Talking about sex begets talking about sex – the more open parents are to discussing sensitive issues, the more open children are to having conversations

Are the messages your child receives sex-negative or sex-positive?

Sex positive: Don't knock masturbation: it's sex with someone I love. – Woody Allen

Sex positive:

Don't knock masturbation: it's sex with someone I love.

– Woody Allen

Sex negative:

Sex negative:

Studies show that parents tend to focus on sex-negative messages about sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancy. Typically, the only preventive measure parents offer to these negative outcomes is abstinence or “waiting.” Teens need and deserve more!

Studies show that parents tend to focus on sex-negative messages about sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancy.

Typically, the only preventive measure parents offer to these negative outcomes is abstinence or “waiting.” Teens need and deserve more!

Parents should talk about… Holistic sexuality model by Dennis Dailey Sexualization Flirting Media Seduction Withholding sex Sexual harassment Incest Rape Intimacy Caring Sharing Loving/liking Risk taking Vulnerability Self disclosure Trust Sensuality Skin hunger Aural/visual stimuli Sexual response cycle Body image Fantasy Sexual Identity Biological gender Gender identity Gender role Sexual orientation Sexual Health & Reproduction Sexual behavior Anatomy & physiology Sexual/reproductive systems Contraception/abortion Sexually transmitted infections Values Values

Adolescents and teens are exposed to sexual information and values through… Peers, internet, magazines, movies/TV, video games, comics, school, religious organizations, caregivers, siblings, grandparents, ex-spouses & partners, etc. Whose sexual values do you want your child to learn?

Peers, internet, magazines, movies/TV, video games, comics, school, religious organizations, caregivers, siblings, grandparents, ex-spouses & partners, etc.

Whose sexual values do you want your child to learn?

Talking about sexuality will be more comfortable if parents… Find teachable moments Bring topics up in frequent, small doses Be askable: Compliment, clarify, listen, correct Respect your child’s right to privacy, as long as you don’t suspect danger to physical or emotional health

Find teachable moments

Bring topics up in frequent, small doses

Be askable: Compliment, clarify, listen, correct

Respect your child’s right to privacy, as long as you don’t suspect danger to physical or emotional health

Parents communicate by words and deeds… Do you express affection & respect for your partner? Do you model healthy body image and self esteem? Do you talk about values, goals and vision? Do you pay attention to your child’s moods, health, friends and activities? Do you keep the conversational door open?

Do you express affection & respect for your partner?

Do you model healthy body image and self esteem?

Do you talk about values, goals and vision?

Do you pay attention to your child’s moods, health, friends and activities?

Do you keep the conversational door open?

A birds & bees review… Give adolescents and teens get accurate information and help them put sexuality into the context of their values Open the conversational door and keep it open Find or create teachable moments Keep conversations short & non-judgmental Compliment, clarify, listen, correct

Give adolescents and teens get accurate information and help them put sexuality into the context of their values

Open the conversational door and keep it open

Find or create teachable moments

Keep conversations short & non-judgmental

Compliment, clarify, listen, correct

About Melanie Davis, MEd Award-winning sexuality educator who delivers lively, interactive programs for individuals, couples and families Professional development provider for physicians, nurses and educators Co-founder and Director of Educational Services for the New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness Learn how sexuality education can benefit you, the people you care about, or your professional organization – Call 908-722-1632 or visit http://www.honestexchange.com

About Melanie Davis, MEd

Award-winning sexuality educator who delivers lively, interactive programs for individuals, couples and families

Professional development provider for physicians, nurses and educators

Co-founder and Director of Educational Services for the New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness

Learn how sexuality education can benefit you, the people you care about, or your professional organization –

Call 908-722-1632 or visit http://www.honestexchange.com