3. I Was A Kid Once Too
“Amazing story a must read, the author has truly out done
herself.”
“I wish I would have thought of putting my life in a story
although nothing would be as interesting as my mother’,s. I
couldn’t stop reading.”
A 12 year old girl living with her mom, 4 brothers and one
younger sister go through the roller coaster of life. From
Entering middle school to dealing with purer pressure. My
mother tells her story of growing up. Realizing things never
get any easier she turns negative to positive and enjoys the
little things. Now at the age of 46 (happy birthday) she is
ready to tell the world about herself. And give advice on life
(for all ages).
4. “Believe that you can do whatever you put your mind to
remember there are no limits to your imagination. No one
but you can control your life so make the right choices and
enter new experiences with an open
mind. Most important thing to remember is –take life, day by
day because it’s better to live in the moment.”
-Kimberly- Happy birthday mommy. I love you <3
5. About the Author
I was born in Edmonton, Alberta Nov.24/1966. At the age
of 6 my mother made the decision to leave my dad and raise
her 2 girls and 4 boys on her own.
We moved in to the projects at the age of 7 and lived there
throughout my youth. Together with my husband we raised
our 4 children right here in my home town Ottawa, Ontario.
Catherine. Radke
7. Friends Forever
These stories are shared to encourage all , remember that
we all come from different life styles and were born and
raised on the values and lessons taught by our parents.
My goal is to allow parents and children to compare
their trials and tribulations while enjoying some good
positive quality time.
Not one family is the same as another. Remember we
were all once pure and innocent. Guide your friends,
loved ones and those who are troubled help them
remember they were a kid once too.
In memory of my mother Hazel. Radke, my brother
Timothy. Radke and a very dear friend who’s purity was
needed more in heaven.
8. Chapter One
An End to a Great Morning
"Get up Sandy!" Every morning I made sure
Sandy had the pleasure of my wake up call. She was the baby
of the family and my little sister. She had two nicknames or
three if you count my brothers. I always referred to her as
the spoiled brat or angel face. She always ruined my good
morning, with her sucky baby attitude to get anything she
wanted. She always knew how to break up my quality time
with my mom. I was blamed for everything, all sandy had to
dear was wipe a tear and that meant a week of not seeing my
friends.
She was smaller than me with her tiny little freckles and
long flat brownish hair and her oversized front teeth.
I finally got my favorite night shirt, but that was only
because Sandy cried for the same shirt. I loved the
Tasmanian devil but asked for Mickey Mouse. The rule of
thumb was when I was with my sister never ask for what you
really want. Sandy started with the fake tears and I was
able to be the better one by choosing Tasmanian devil.
9. Every morning I would wake up to the fresh home baking of
my mother’s most famous cakes and cookies. It was the best
part of waking up." Good morning mama what are you making”.
I stood there no more than 60 pounds wet, my long stringy
black hair and my favorite long t-shirt. You wouldn’t think I
loved food as much as I did looking at me…” "You will soon
find out my little cutie pie" as my mother bent over and gave
me a gentle little kiss on the top of my head. She had a lot
of different little nicknames for all of us.
I was always the first one up and so excited because that
meant I got my entire mom’s attention to myself. We would
sing and hum as I helped her set the table for breakfast. My
favorite was when I got to lick the bowl as part of my
reward for helping. "Ok sunshine go get your slippers" that
was the best part of the morning.
Only if the morning went well and no-one was up yet did I
get to grab my big pink fluffy slippers and sit on the steps
to feed the birds some stale old bread. My mom would share
her favorite moments of growing up or often we would pick a
bird and guess whose piece of stale bread he was going to
take first, every time I would win my mom would give off a
little Chuckle "you win!"
10. Then unfortunately it would all come to an end. I heard
that creaky door open from across the parking lot. Beverly
was my mom’s best friend and neighbor that lived too close
for comfort. She was rounder then a beach ball.
Her head was way too small for her body and short greasy
hair. "I’ll be there in ten Hazel, just got out of bed,"
"You mean just rolled out of bed"; whispering to myself
softly, trying to hold back my giggle. I always waited for her
to finish chatting; finally she’d notice me "good morning
Cathy are you feeding the birdies with your mom this
morning".
Beverly was so phoney every time I would leave the room it
wouldn’t take longer than 5 minutes before she would start
ratting out everything she saw us kids do the night before.
By the time Beverly would leave you knew someone was
getting in trouble. She was the gossiper of the project." Ok
Bev I’ll send Tracy up to wake Tammy and put the kettle on.
Now my special morning is over and it’s time to get ready for
school.
I knew our perfect morning was coming to an end I always
took my frustration out on Sandy. "Sandy get up" she threw
her pillow at me and rolled on her side facing the wall. "Mom
said get up and that means now".
11. Sandy turned to me and whispered "you’re not my mother; I
don’t have to listen to you. Now I am ready to smack her in
the head, instead I picked up the whole one side of the
mattress and flung her off the bed. Sandy started
screaming and crying "mom Cathy”s picking on me again".
"Boo hoo go cry to mommy like you always do angel face" she
hated when I would call her that, but at least it got her to
wake up.
12. Chapter Two
You’re Not My Father
Now were all at the breakfast table and my mom is sitting on
the porch talking to Bev getting the daily news report. Pat
would always take advantage of my mother when she was not
in the room. He was the first one to start with the jokes.
Pat was the second youngest brother and the thinnest. His
teeth were worse than Sandy’s and although he had the
pretty boy look his teeth were too much of a distraction to
notice. He was the only blonde of the family and we used to
joke about him being adopted.
Pat had a mean temper and fought all the time, He was
bullied so much at school he had to become one himself. We
always vented together when one of us got grounded and I
liked being around him for the most part he always made me
laugh.
But that was not the case for my mother. He was a handful,
always in trouble at School and I cannot count how many
times the police brought him home for stealing or fighting.
Pat lost allot of fights because of his size and had felt the
need to start walking around with a jack knife for
Protection.
13. Pat and I loved to Joke about Bev and he was very good at
it. "Turn the water off you don't want to call attention to
the beach whale". Pat would start, “Hey Pat”, "What’s black
and white and full of stories. We would be sharing that brief
moment of fun before my brother Kenny had to ruin it all.
Kenny was the oldest and very tall with short curly red hair,
his ears stuck way out and many of the kids would tease him
and call him monkey ears. His face was covered in freckles, I
never saw many of his friends but he was picked on enough
by Lloyd and his friends, I understood why he would not
want to bring his friends around. He dressed like a farmer
boy and acted like a seargent. Kenny and I always had the
worst fights.
After several minutes of teasing Kenny, my oldest father
want to be brother would ruin the fun. "Ok guys she can hear
you stop talking and eat". I never could stand Kenny he was
the one I argued with the most. "You’re not our Father
Kenny" I would say knowing this is just the start of a great
argument. I loved getting him mad and always made sure I
got the last word with him.
14. Now everyone is done Breakfast and my youngest brother
and I would always have the job of clearing the table. Timmy
was a lot like me but without the temper.
He had beautiful black curly hair and dark eyes, when he
smiled his cute little fangs would stick out. His body was
oddly shaped because he was born with a pigeon chest. We
shared allot of the same interests and both had allot of
energy. If anything he was the peacemaker of the family.
He hated arguments and used to always give me a pep talk
about trying to get along with Kenny.
15. Chapter Three
Beauty and the Hunks
Now were all ready for school and our friends are starting
to pile in the front door like a swarm of over excited young
preteen girls and loudmouth future jailbird friends of my
brother’s. "Hello there Sandy " Kevin stood there with his
face all blushed and hair hanging in front of his eyes leaning
up against the broken closet door. Sandy was the prettiest
of all of my friends. She had a beautiful tan body with dark
brown long hair, her style of clothes screamed confidence.
She was what the ten and eleven year old boys would call a
hotty. Teachers would mix my sister and her up all the time,
evenventually her name became Sandy with a P that is how
we always could set the names straight.
Sandy was envied by most but I found her to be very
likeable. Her dad worked long hours and her mom was
working for the Government until she got very sick. It wasn’t
long before the Rumor got out that Mary, her mother had
an addiction. Sandy was very spoiled and always got what she
asked for because she was an only child. Anything that was
in style you can most definitely see it on her first. She was
friendly however and never acted spoiled and shared with
everyone.
16. "Hey Pat what kind of mischief are you going to get into
today" was her most common remark. “Ahhhhh! You know me
I’m always a good boy” and just like a bolt of lightning he was
out the door. Pat never knew how to approach Sandy in any
other way.
My brothers are finally out the door and my friends and I
could giggle about Bobby and Randy. They were the only two
gentlemen of the group. Not to mention hunks as we called
them back then.
Joanne was my best friend and Peter was her Brother.
Joanne was the kind of friend you can say anything to and
trust her, our favorite times were gossiping about our other
friends. She wasn’t the prettiest but certainly the toughest.
She was a bit overweight and her hair was just boring length
to her neckline with a bit of a red highlights, this never
helped with her figure. She shared something in common
with me, her with the weight problem and me with the lack
of boobies I would call them.
She knew I liked her brother Bobby and could not help but
to sing the dreadful song we all heard back in the day. "K I
SS I N G Peter and Cathy in an old oak tree" I would always
17. start laughing with her as I gave her a shove in a playful . I
knew she was only teasing and always ok with that.
By now we were just getting ready to leave the house and
Sandy once again had to go pee. She would always wait until
the last minute and I was never to go without her. "Hurry up
God your so annoying". My mother started shouting from the
kitchen to the front door." leave her alone Cathy." Of course
it was Friday and as much as I wanted to say something back
I knew better on a Friday.
That was the worst day to get grounded, it meant no sleep
outs or sleep overs. Joanne and I were looking forward to
having a sleepover at her place and watch the Demon seed. I
just held my breath and counted to ten. Sandy finally came
back down with that little smart ass smirk. "Let’s go as I
walked quickly ahead of her wishing it was any other day but
Friday.
18. Chapter Four
Don’t Look Back
Run just keep running until you pass out from an asthma
attack, “maybe that will get my mom’s attention“. I thought
to myself. I was always so full of rage but this day was the
worst. As much as I hated my brothers I hated their friends
even more.
My growing up was full of great memories but also some of
the worst. Our first home was on O' Conner Street in
Ottawa, Ont. It did not take long before we were moved out
to a low and affordable place called Ottawa Housing or what
we called the projects. Poor single families for the most part
or drug addicted couples that live from pay check to pay
check and rarely care too much to notice where their kids
are.
I was the second youngest and first girl born. So imagine 4
older brothers, which meant a house full of troubled teenage
boys up against me. "You always have to have the last word"
my mother would say, she would then follow with,” One of
these days your mouth is going to get you in trouble ".
I always chuckled to myself when my mom would say
something silly, "Ok mom yep! My mouth is going to get me in
19. trouble"? We would never swear in front of my mom. I can't
tell you how many times I had to brush the hard bar of soap
leftover on my teeth from swearing!
She was right I always had to have the last word but never
had the chance when I was up against my mother. Her last
words were "not another word” and that meant big
consequences for me. Most times I let her win. But that was
not the case with my four brothers and their big shot
friends; I always made sure I got the last word.
That day happened one afternoon my mouth got me in
trouble, I finally stood up to that bully friend of my brother
Lloyd and his friend David. Lloyd had the worst friends of all
four of my brothers. Lloyd was a bit stalky, with a white
complexion that made his freckles stand out like connect the
dots and red wavey hair that was in dire need of a haircut.
David was Joanne,s second brother the oldest in her family.
I guess he had that look about him that some thought of as
good looking, but his personality was far from that. Of all
Loyd’s friends their were two I hated the most, Craig and
David.
I was sitting watching my favourite show The Brady Bunch,
minding my own business when I heard that gut wrenching
voice, my brother Lloyd,s friend David or crater face as I
20. always wanted to say. "Hey two backs have you seen your
front yet, then he would follow with a girlish laugh. I was
under pressure for my breast size, my friends were in B cups
and I was still shopping for my first training bra. It was the
final draw. My heart started racing and I could feel my face
turning red," Oh really crater face", I just blurted it out.
David came running towards me I never looked back to see
how close he was. I just kept running. Finally when I realized
he hadn’t even been running I collapsed and cried until
There were no tears left.
After catching my breath and being so mad at myself for
running like a chicken, I decided to go back home and be
prepared for anything. As I entered the kitchen through the
backdoor, I overheard my Brother "seriously Tommy leave
her alone she’s already getting teased enough by her
friends" Your right Bro I'll take it easy on her".
I thought, "Wow my brother, he teases me all the time"? It
was a good feeling. I marched in the living room like it was
my home, confident knowing my brother stood up for me.
"Hey look who's back just when I was getting hungry, its
Chester and she brought her fried eggs with her" my
21. brother shoved Tommy but to my astonishment he started
laughing with him and exchanging words "hey need a board
you can borrow my sister" my brother said, "no thanks Bro
there's a couple of lumps in it". They rolled around on the
couch laughing and giggling.
I stormed up to my room and slammed the door. My face was
redder then a tomato. My eyes were dry and welted I laid on
my bed and slept until my mother got back from her
volunteer work at the community centre. I guess it was the
cool thing to do looking back; now days we call it pure
pressure. No-one had even heard of the words pure pressure
back then never an issue to parents.
That was until the most tragic day of my life at the time.
My friends and I were waiting at the lights and the boys
beside us were being stupid as usual trying to fall into my
friend so they can catch a feel. My friend Lisa had large
breast for an 11 year old and it was early fall so her nice
bright yellow tight to her skin V neck sweater really drew
attention to the boys. Lisa was a bitch no doubt about it.
She was always moody and never smiled. Not very pretty
either her face was full of craters and pimples, and curly
hair or what we use to call bed head.
Lisa finally got fed up with the boys; I can remember seeing
a kid fly off the front end of a black ford Lincoln. He had
22. lunged for Lisa but when she moved out of the way he
continued onto the busy street. We were all in complete
shock no one moved. It was strange I don’t know how long I
froze before I felt the arms of my mother pulling me and
Tammy close to her crying asking if we were ok. "Mom Mom
I'm ok stop you’re embarrassing me". I felt like she was
treating me like a two year old in front of all my friends.
The ambulance had arrived soon after my mother. The boy
was crying at this point which told all of us he was going to
be ok. Lisa was crying she felt horrible. We reassured her
that it was not her fault and once we found out the boy was
going to be ok, "just a couple of routine tests and obvious
scrapes and bruising" I overheard the police officer.
Lisa felt much better hearing that he was ok, but that never
stopped her from approaching the other boys and blaming it
on them. We all just stood and listened to her rant for about
10 minutes and then wrapped our arms as united friends and
left our parents behind to continue with their gossiping.
That was it for my mom she immediately pulled us out of the
catholic school and we went to a protason School. The
23. parents all got together and decided to protest the Catholic
School until they provided.
24. Chapter Five
Don’t Turn Your Back
I hated my new school. Teachers were too nice and talked
down to us like we were two year olds. The only good thing
about our new School was that all my friends’ parents joined
in on the protest. That meant we got to take a school bus
together for the first time.
Kids were jumping up and down on these seats excited to
check out our new bus. “Sit down”. The bus driver stopped
the bus stood at the front facing all of us. “Now are we
ready to sit down or do you all want to stay on this exciting
bus all day“. The bus was no longer exciting and everyone sat
down mumbling to their buddy next to them.
I was chosen to be door monitor. I loved that job no one
could pass me without my permission. The teachers thought
it was a good idea to have kids as door monitors to give them
a sense of responsibility. Not me, I just loved to be in
charge. The common question by the boys was the old
washroom trick. They just wanted to get into the school to
warm up. Young Scotty was my favorite he would come up
every day with a new trick to get me to let him in.
25. One day he went under the stairs with my sister. Little brat
of a sister teamed up with him." Tracy she yelled from under
the stairs" The door was not too far from under the step so
I leaned over the rail to see what she wanted. Just then
Scotty came running behind. There was my sister laughing,
giggling and yelling “Run Scott Run“.
It was the first time Tammy went outside the boundaries of
being a goody two shoes. For some reason I didn’t get angry,
I guess I was more proud that she had the guts and courage
to do it. I laughed and started giving her a newgy, " You like
him eh sis, Tammy likes Scotty" I started singing and we
giggled some more. Although my sister drove me crazy she
was still fun to be around once in a while.
That was the last year we had to walk to the Catholic
School, the parents won and we got School busses the
following year. My mom was more than happy to have us
attend back at our Catholic School and so were we.
26. Chapter Six
We All Have Our Days
It was near the end of the School year and a very hot day.
All of my friends and I were very moody. It must have been
the heat but fists fights were breaking out everywhere
throughout the day. Sherry always hated the boys,
especially Andrew. He was always teasing her but mostly
because he really liked her. "There he is" she said "who”? I
asked. She turned to me and said in a very disturbing voice
"I swear Tracy if Andrew Says one word to me today I'm
going to kick his ass". I had no reason not to believe her.
Sherry had no problems fighting with the boys. She liked
that she was tougher than half of them.
"Hey Chicky chick"“, uh ohhhhhh” I thought you’re going to
get it, I shook my head at Andrew trying to prepare him for
what Sherry was about to do. Sherry came out of nowhere.
She pushed Andrew on the ground and immediately started
punching him over and over again. Andrew would try to get up
but Sherry was not finished taking all her anger out on him.
Out of nowhere kids started shouting "Go Sherry Go" and
poor Andrew's friends were laughing, he was about to lose a
fight to a girl.
27. Finally after he took about a good twenty punches Sherry
got tired and let him up. Andrew was tough he got up
shrugged his shoulders a few times and walked towards his
friends. He was wiping blood off his nose with his dirty
brown suede Jacket and turned to Sherry "you’re lucky
you’re a girl" Sherry took one step towards him. Andrew
flinched knowing he was done and walked away with all his
punk friends.
On that same day Cathy, another good friend of mine, she
reminded me allot of my brother Kevin with her bad
attitude. She had it rough growing up in a family where both
parents were alcoholics and they worked hard to support
their habits. Cathy was short thin and carried a constant
chip on her shoulder. She was average looking but very tom
boyish and loved her plaid shirts.
She and I were sitting in class my desk beside hers. Cathy
never wanted to think for herself and I was really never too
sure of my answers to share. She kept leaning over to look at
my sheet and I knew this time my answers were wrong.
"Come on Tracy, give me your answers" No!" I said do your
own work" I couldn’t tell her why Joanne loved to tease and
although she was not very bright she had no issues with
teasing others.
28. Cathy looked at me with blood in her eyes "you’re going to
get it after school" I never minded a good scrap so I opted
to the challenge “Oh yeah meet you after school at the bus
stop".
Before you knew it the school bell rang and I was ready for a
good fight. Everyone was rallied in a circle and I was sitting
on my lunch box calmly waiting for my contender.
Cathy finally showed and I stood up "you want to go" I gave
her the first shove, that was important, my brother Kevin
would say first punch shows no fear, last punch shows
strength. I had to make sure she knew I was not afraid.
After a couple of shoves we rolled on the cement and I
finally got her in a choke hold "Are we done here" I was so
proud of myself.
Just then, Bob the cutest bus driver ever. Came leaping
from the bus and pulled us apart. He insisted we either
shake hands or have a long walk home. We looked at each
other and shook hands, "good fight" she said and walked to
the back of the bus. Everyone was congratulating me and
consoling Cathy. "My hair got caught in her zipper and I
couldn’t breathe" I overheard her. I never saw a reason to
call her up on it.
29. I figured only a moron would believe her story, she couldn’t
breathe because I had her in a head lock. I just couldn’t wait
to go home and tell my brother. I knew how proud he was
going to be. Kevin was always the one that taught me the
moves to win a fight. I loved getting the high five when I did
well in his books.
30. Chapter Seven
Parent’s Hurt Too
Today was a strange day I came running in from school
through my books down and listened for a moment, it's never
quiet in my house. I overheard my mother as I slowly snuck
down the hall leading to the kitchen. She was talking on the
phone crying. I had never heard my mom cry before. It was
the first time I froze with tears; I felt a tremendous
feeling like a broken heart in my chest. Then my mother’s
voice became louder and very angry, at the time I had no
idea who she was talking to.
There was no way I was going to get caught spying when she
was that angry. "Mom" I said in a very low but scared voice.
My mom reached out her hand and bent over, covered one
end of the phone as I leaned in to hear what she had to say,
she whispered softly " sweetie could you do me a great big
favour and play with your sister outside". Sure mama" it was
the first time I knew my mom needed me. The strange thing
was I needed my sister at that time too.
Tammy and I sat on the steps and exchanged conversations
about what could be wrong with our mom. "Maybe someone
died I said" shocked that it could even be a possibility.
31. "No I sink we have sose bedbugs again, member how mom got
thou mad" Tammy said with her cute little wisp, sometimes
she was cute. I guess.
My mom finally called us in for "supper" that was all we
needed to hear. It wasn’t my favourite macaroni dinner that
got me back in the house, I just needed to know my mom was
ok. We were all sitting at the table when I noticed my
brother Kevin was not at the kitchen table. I sat there
thinking the worst; he died that’s why she was crying so
much. A tear rolled down my cheek and I looked at Tammy. I
knew she was thinking the same as me. My mom came to the
table and still will placing the macaroni dish on the table,
mentioned nothing about my brother missing. This was very
odd, my mom would always say go fetch your brother if one
was missing.
She then sat at the table and said nothing. It was so
disturbing I had to say something because no-one else was.
"Mom" I said with tears rolling down my face and my voice
quivering. "Where’s Kevin" My mother looked at me and
before a word came out she left the table and started
sobbing out loud. "Way to go Sis" Brent said, I stood there
shocked, my brothers must have known something I didn’t.
32. "What I said" now I have gone from sad to angry in a matter
of seconds. It never took much for Brent to get me started.
"Kevin’s in the nut ward" My mom stormed through the
kitchen with such rage. "Brent Wayne Radke" "Don't you
ever let me hear you say that again", all I could do was stand
with my mouth wide open and puzzled. "What? a nut hospital
mommy?" I asked her, by now I'm hoping it’s
the right time to ask the question.
My mother told Tammy and I to sit on the couch. She sat in
between us and explained the whole story. Kevin had very
bad anger issues and he attacked one of the teachers at
school with a jack knife. They had suspended Kevin but also
called the Police to make a report.
The police after talking to Kevin decided that because of
Kevin’s age it was best that he would be brought to the
Hospital for psychiatric testing. Tammy looked at me waiting
for my response almost as though she had nothing to say. It
was not really a bad thing I thought to myself.
Kevin had a very bad temper and many times he would fling
things across the room. Whenever I would get in a fight with
Kevin if we still were not talking by nightfall, I would put a
chair at my door just in case. Tammy and I both reached in
and gave my mom a big hug and kiss.
33. Tammy and I went off to play and left all the worries to her.
After that day things got much worse at home. Kevin had
only spent one night in the hospital and that was enough to
fill his soul with rage. Kevin acted out from that day on. He
started with stealing more, barely showed up at School; he
got in so many fights we couldn’t count. My mom had finally
had enough the day Kevin threatened his own life.
34. Kevin had all the attention out in the baseball field, all the
kids were standing around the baseball diamond and were
shouting "jump Kevin, jump. My mom started shouting to
everyone, "someone go get Norman" that was my friend
Sherry’s father from across the street. Kevin had a certain
respect for Norman and always listened to him.
By the time Norman had got there Kevin was standing up on
top of the wired baseball fence. After several words of
encouragement Kevin finally came down. He had to have been
sooo embarrassed. I felt for him. He turned to everyone as
if he were talking to an audience and said " Ha the jokes on
all you nosey Bastards" "I was just going up to fetch this
stick, he was holding a small branch in his left hand.
Kevin had come in our home for the last time. My mom had
decided it was time to send him to my Grandma Sophie’s.
Grandma Sophie would always chat with my mom on the
phone from out west. We had never seen her or remembered
her. But she always sent socks at Xmas. She tried several
times to convince my mom to send him out there. I know this
because my mom would talk about it to her friends at the
kitchen table. If she heard a peep from us she would always
say "kids are to be seen and not to be heard. So I knew to
just sit and listen quietly if I wanted to get the latest
gossip.
35. Kevin was Packing his bags and getting ready
to go. I was sad because although he was a big pain in the
butt I would have rather it been Brent. We chuckled with
each other and Kevin was almost excited to go. He was
taking a plane for the first time and all by himself. At times
he would get all red and you knew he wanted to cry but not a
tear. He gave me all the big brother advice he could think of,
we laughed and talked the whole time he was getting ready
to go. "Come on Kevin it’s time to go" my mom’s voice
sounded shaky and nervous. I knew she did not feel good
about her decision but we needed protection and Kevin was
like a ticking time bomb. Although I loved him and cried so
much after he was gone I slept much better at night knowing
he was not there.
36. Chapter Eight
It’s about Time
It was Saturday morning and School was finally over for the
summer. I woke up to the hot sun blazing in my room. Tammy
and I shared a room. I woke up with a really bad headache.
When I walked into the kitchen my mom was just cleaning up.
My mom had already finished baking. My mom always knew I
was sick when I slept in. Instead of a gentle morning kiss my
mother’s cool hands touched my forehead.
“What is going on with you sweetie” she knew the doctors
were the only ones that can answer that question but by now
my mom was getting tired of the constant guessing from
Doctors.
Later that day I was feeling much better and decided I was
going to go swimming with my friends. As I was leaving the
house my brother’s, was sitting at the kitchen table and
glanced my way. Of course Tommy could not resist, I swear
his mouth never stayed closed for longer than a minute.
“Going out to scare the boys again Tracy” Shut up Tommy" I
said knowing his next come back was going to refer to me in
a bathing suit 60 pounds wet. I ignored him; I was just
getting over my head ache and was not ready for a fight.
37. When I came back from swimming my mom was out grocery
shopping and the boys were wrestling in the hall. I can hear
my mother shouting for someone to help her carry the
grocery's in and she was not too keen on the
boys listening skills. She always had to shout more than once
to get them to listen. Brent was about to hop over the
wrestling bodies to help my mom when suddenly out of
nowhere Tommy pushed him right through the wall and Left
a big hole in the wall. My mother was furious.
"Get out, Get out now" she said to all my brothers’ friends,
Bobby, Shaun, Tommy and the worst of the bunch Greg. Greg
had a temper like kevin and came from a house full of
violence. He was average built and stunk of smoke all the
time. His hair was long to his shoulders and his mouth was
the dirtiest ever.
"Screw you" he spoke to my mother as if she was nothing and
left. I had never been so happy to see them get kicked out,
"finally mom you got rid of the garbage“. I started laughing
and my mother put her arm around me and smiled with a sigh
of relief. She never had a quiet moment, my brothers
friends were starting to treat our home like a drop in
centre.
38. That night we had no friends in or out. My mother demanded
a peace full evening and she was going to get one. So she
thought. It was about 10:30 when my mom told all of us to go
to bed. I of course always asked to stay up later.
Our bedtime routines were never pleasant for my mom.
"Please mom let me watch the rest of the hockey game with
Trevor. My two older brothers always got to stay up as long
as they wanted on the weekend. My mother knew Trevor had
no problems watching the game with me. He joked with my
mom,” As long she’s a leaf fan she can stay up". I secretly
liked the New York Islanders but Trevor never caught on
until the playoffs. I enjoyed watching the game with my
brother it was our special time together.
By now everyone is sleeping but Trevor and me. We both
heard a bunch of kids laughing and screaming but that was
nothing, so neither one of us got up to check it out. There
was only 5 min left of the game and the game was tied, it
was too good of a game, nothing was going to interrupt our
game. All of a sudden we heard a loud crash upstairs.
Timmy started screaming and my mom was frantic. The game
had just ended with a final Toronto goal in O/T we both
jumped and in no time, almost tripping over each other were
at the top of the stairs.
39. My mom was standing holding a rock in her hand the size of a
baseball and was looking out the broken window in my
Brother Timmy’s room. "Mom you ok" Trevor asked. "Oh my
god who would do such a thing“. Someone threw a huge rock
in my Brother Timmy's room and it landed right by his head.
My mother called the police and before they arrived my
brother Trevor and his annoying friends that got kicked out
earlier that day were a reckoned to be forced with and
ready to catch the culprit that threw the rock.
The police told my mom if the rock had been any closer it
would have got Timmy in the head. He was a very lucky boy
the officer said. “If Kevin were still sharing a room with
Timmy things could have been a lot worse” She whispered
softly to herself. By now half the Project was in my home,
trying to help calm my mom down. I had a couple of names in
mind as to who threw the rock and Greg was number one on
my list, he was also the only one of my brother’s friends that
did not show up at the house. No one would have listened to
me so I chose to keep that thought to myself.
The boys all came back; they were all wired and talking tough
in the kitchen. The whole night was now disrupted and none
of us could sleep. Trevor’s gang was in our house asking my
mom for the latest scoop. It was not until 2 O'clock in the
morning before company all left and it was time for bed once
more.
40. The next morning the boys all came back only this time they
brought Polly fill and paint to fix the whole in the wall. I
guess it was then that my mother realized the boys were
important to keep around for protection. Nothing was said
anymore when my brothers friends were in the house. Things
started changing quickly. My mother started playing cards
with her neighbours and my brother’s friends eventually
joined in on the fun. Poker and keno were their choice of
games. It turned out my mom was starting to relax again and
was much more fun to be around.
41. Chapter Nine
Sometimes You Should Listen To Your Elders
Friday morning, my favourite day! Tonight I was having a
sleepover and I had some big plans, we just got a new sofa
with a pull out bed. My mom was going to pick up some snacks
and drinks. Watching TV in the living room meant we can stay
up as long as we wanted. I had pulled out my favourite
hockey cards and teen magazines.
Sherry was staying the night and no one was allowed to like
Shaun Cassidy but her. She always said it was like two timing
and we can’t all like the same artist. So I was left liking his
partner Parker Stephenson they were both from the series
the Hardy Boys, Bridget had already loved Leif Garret that
would have been my second choice, Cathy was never really
into Disco she preferred rock and fittingly so Gene Simmons
was her favourite, and my sister, she always had to be
different so she chose to pick the French singer Renee
Samard.
Sherry was so excited she talked about it all day. My other
friends were starting to feel bad. I always liked to see my
friends happy so I came up with a brilliant idea.
42. "Hey guys want to have a pyjama party"" I can ask my mom""
Tammy will convince her, she always gets her own way".
Sandy and I had to share the same friends I was like her
babysitter; for the most part it was very annoying. Often my
friends would split us up Tammy would stay with
Sherry and I would go hang out with Bridget. They hated
listening to us argue. I couldn’t wait to ask my mom, I made
sure to do everything right. Hung up my coat, emptied my
lunchbox and without saying a word I sat at the kitchen
table to do my homework. "I never even heard you come in,
why so quiet“? My mom said. Truth is I had another
headache and this time I knew if I told my mom she would
cancel the night. "I just want to get my homework done
before the weekend." "Stupid math teacher" I said. I was a
good little actress.
Now supper was over and there were only a few arguments
between Tammy and Timmy. It was spaghetti night and that
always meant the boys were going to pretend it was worms.
Tammy and I would get so grossed out. Today I knew better
than to let them get the best of me. I really wasn’t very
hungry anyway.
Now it’s time to ask my mom, and I needed Tammy there for
back up. My mom was sitting in her favourite chair knitting a
dress for her doll. She was very good at her arts and crafts
43. and sold allot of them. Tammy was behind me "“Mom can we
have a pyjama party promise we will be quiet". I just blurted
it out without a thought. "Did you and Tammy do the
dishes?” “Yeppers“, Sandy said so proudly, before I can get a
word out.
My mother started laying down all the rules, my heart was
racing I knew that meant yes and all I wanted to do was run
out and scream to my friends who were waiting anxiously for
an answer. I stood there listened to my mom ramble for
about ten long minutes and then promised to do everything
my mother said.
Then I ran outside and screamed out "She said yes" we all
ran in a pile and started play fighting, that’s how we got our
excitement out. Now all we had to do was convince Bridget’s
father, that was never a problem, Bridget was in and out in
no time. Lionel never said no and Bridget was always able to
go on sleep outs.
That night we were all taking turns at each other’s house
picking our favourite bed time buddies, games and arts and
craft. This was going to be a night to remember.
We were now at my house and my brothers were getting
ready for their night out. My mom was going over to the
44. neighbours who just lived in the back parking lot. "Lock the
door when we leave" Brent said "yes dad" I answered in a
very sarcastic way" "Don't Start Tracy" I was having too
much fun to care about the last word so instead I just chose
not to listen. After Brent left I was a real smart ass and
started mocking every annoying thing Brent said. We were
having so much fun I forgot to lock the door.
We had the whole evening to ourselves. Bridget loved to play
truth or dare. I always chose dare and that meant I was
going to eat something really gross. Once again I lost and
Bridget was in the kitchen making one of her worst
concoctions ever. My stomach was already turning from too
much munchies but I had to do what I was told, being a sore
loser was never very popular amongst my friends.
Just as Bridget was coming in with a glass of what looked
like sour milk and tomato juice. The door opened and we all
started giggling in fear wondering who walked in. It was Dan
or alcoholic Dan as we called him. Dan slurred every word he
spoke "Hey girls having a slumber party are you" he reeked
of alcohol and had a reputation of being a pedophile. He had
red long blonde hair in a ponytail and his face was always red
as if he had bad sunburn. My mom would always tell us not to
get to close to him if he is drinking.
45. My mom wasn’t home and as much as I wanted him to leave
he was not going to. He jumped on the bed and kept teasing
and pulling on the blanket "come on girls let me under the
covers I’m cold. Sherry had no problem telling Dan to leave
and finally had enough. She pulled the covers off and leaned
over Dan. "Go home Dan you’re drunk and if I have to I will
go get my dad".
Dan picked her up, we all started screaming really loud not
knowing what he was going to do. "Your right kiddo" he spoke
slurring every word. He then threw us a twenty and said "go
spoil you tomorrow. We had never got so much money before
but had to split it 4 ways. Dan then stumbled out the door
holding on to every wall that was not there and finally left.
46. I immediately got up and locked the door. We started
laughing to shake off the fear. Dan was unpredictable and I
was never happier to have Sherry there. We started talking
about what we should spend our money on.
Finally after an exhausting night of emotions I heard my
mother jingling her keys at the door. I slowly got up from
bed not to disturb my friends. By now my mom had heard
everything, from our phone call earlier. She knew we were ok
and stayed to play cards with her friends. I was so relieved
that she was finally home but had a great night with my
friends. I gave my mom a big hug and kiss. My mom knew I
had the ability to talk too much so she put her fingers to my
lips and whispered softly "Shhh” we will talk in the morning.
The next morning was the best ever. My mom started baking
and that was enough to get all us girls out of bed. Bridget
would not move she was completely passed out. The rest
snuck up on my mom, Sherry attempted to poke my mom on
her waist. My mom had ears like a rabbit I knew there was
no way it was going to work.
As Sherry got closer my mom switched it up quickly. She
turned and tapped Sherry on the nose with a spatula full of
47. her delicious icing. We all laughed and now we're so loud
there was no way Bridget was going to stay in bed.
Breakfast was served buffet style everything and anything
you wanted from pancakes to scrambled eggs. As we all sat
together with my mom we all started one by one sharing our
stories from the night before.
No final decision was made on how to spend our money. That
was until Bridget was very gutsy and daring. We all had older
brothers except Sherry and they all smoked. Hey let’s get a
pack of smokes. For me it was only a matter of waiting for
my opportunity to try smoking.
"I'm in" I said with a nervous smile. That’s when we knew we
were growing up.
48. Chapter 10
What’s wrong with me?
It was a hot summer day and I was out playing ball against
the wall with my friends but the sun was making me feel very
sick. "Sorry guys I have to go home and lie down." I said
knowing this wasn’t the first time. Bridget was the first one
to speak up "Tracy you have been sick allot these days". I
turned my head and looked back will walking away "I Know
sorry guys" They were disappointed and I knew it.
When I went home I still never said a word to my mom I just
watched T.V and lied down on the couch with my mother’s
knitted afghan that she worked on for months. It was a
beautiful mix of orange, yellow and brown and it was the
family afghan. Will unfortunately that didn’t last too long.
Timmy decided he was going to jump on the couch and start
horsing around toughing at my blanket. "Timmy leave me
alone" I started crying my head was hurting so bad, suddenly
as I was leaning forward I threw up all over my brothers
feet. He never even noticed his feet were sopping in my
vomit.
“Mom come quick Tracy’s sick" my mom came running in
checked my forehead I was slightly warm. My mother was
49. just about to ask me questions, Bridget knocked and
entered. "You ok Tracy" she looked at my mom and said “she
gets sick allot eh Hazel“.
Timmy had been watching over me will my mom was wiping my
forehead with a cold cloth. "Mom she going to be ok, Bridget
is right mom she is always watching TV and never plays
outside.” My mother looked at Timmy a little surprised, she
had witnessed a couple of headaches but I never told her
about all the other times. "It’s Time to take you to the
doctor’s young lady" finally I felt relieved and knew I wasn’t
getting any better.
The next day I got to play hooky from school so I could go
to the doctors. As I was getting ready for my appointment I
noticed my friend Cathy left her shirt on my dresser from
our last sleep over. I knew she would not mind if I borrowed
it. The colors were so pretty mix of pinks and purples and
the shirt had metal buttons down the front. She knew how
much I loved it and had lent it to me before.
It was a nice feeling walking hand in hand with my mother.
We always had our time in the morning but this was
different I felt like she was taking care of me. I liked the
attention. The doctor called us in and started by asking
questions almost as if he were in a hurry. He was a hefty
man, a little short with glasses.
50. He looked so scrubby looking with is untrimmed beard and
moustache and dark curly hair with a bald patch on top. Once
he was satisfied with all the answers he told me to
unbutton my shirt. As he was checking me with the
stethoscope he noticed when he came around to the front
that I had a rash going down the centre of my front.
The rash was little buttoned sized circles that looked like
they were bleeding on the inside of the skin. He immediately
step out and came back in with another doctor, this doctor
was just your average blonde 40 year old man. He started
asking several more questions. After all the fuss they finally
sent me for blood work. This was the first time for me. I
was so scared of needles and we had to go to the blood cross
for a butterfly blood test. Whatever that was? A least I
had time to prepare.
It was Friday morning and I was only missing the morning of
School. My mom’s neighbour Sharron offered to drive us for
my blood work. She lived across the street from us. I never
really liked her she dressed sloppy and was a little
overweight, grey streaks in her hair and her face looked like
she was 70 years old but she was in her 40's.
This day I especially did not like her. We were in the car and
I kept asking my mother if it was going to hurt. "Either way
51. young lady their going to strap you down if you don’t stay
steel" Sharron said in her harsh snaky way I don’t think she
liked me much either. "It’s going to hurt may feel like their
ripping your arm out "don’t be fooled by your mother". She
continued then broke out it a donkey like laugh. My mother
looked at Sharron and chuckled "you’re not helping" she said.
I was so confused my mother never really said whether
Sharron was Joking or not. Finally I am sitting in the torture
chair as I called it. A lady across from me was getting blood
work done and I could see the long tube of blood. As the
nurse came towards me I tried to wrestle out of my seat.
Although I was very small at the time I squirmed like a worm
and screamed as loud as I could. It took 7 nurses to hold me
down and convince me that it was going to be ok. Finally
there was another small child she was no more than 4 and
was replacing the lady I had watched earlier. My heart sank
I loved little kids. She never gave it a thought and as I was
staring at her getting her blood work they had managed to
put the needle in my arm without me even flinching. I felt so
foolish here I am 12 years old and acting like a big baby. My
mother never took a ride with Sharon again.
52. Chapter 11/12
Never Underestimate Your Younger Sibling
After a long 2 hour bus ride that reeked of every ones
sweat, over use of hairspray cheap perfume and this
annoying tour guide that talked to us like we were a bunch of
2 year olds. I could not wait to jump off the bus.
It was time to buddy up and pick your group of 4 and cabin
of choice. My friends and I had already paired up. Sherry,
Cathy, Bridget and I were in one cabin. Tammy never
grouped with anyone but me and this year I was determined
to change that.
Tammy was very happy with her group. Leslie was more
Tammy’s age group and they were becoming best of friends.
Lisa, who was between both our ages but somehow fit in with
Tammy more and Kristy who no-one knew anything about but
she was the last one standing looking for someone to pair up
with.
She was happy to just have someone pick her. She had an
annoying voice that we had not heard until we called her
over. “Hey girl in the overall jeans come here” I called out
will walking towards her. She wore overalls and had no style
when it came to the 70’s. “Howdy, what up guys” I paused for
53. a sec to get a grip on a country accent I heard for the first
time next to watching TV. It was kind of cool but annoying at
the same time. “Cool accent” I said, “are you looking for a
group were short one person”, I was always the chosen one
of the group to speak on our behalf. “Sure thanks roomies”
she was funny but in a good way.
We heard a loud whistle that immediately got our
attention .A long dark Indian lady wearing a beaded Indian
necklace was lining everyone up to have our full attention.
Already this camp was sounding like a lot of fun and our
cabins smelled like fresh wood and very clean.
By now we are all lined up ready to listen.
“How”! “My Indian Tribe members” we all at once gave a
friendly “how!” in return and everyone started laughing giving
the camp a good vibe from the very start. Her name was
yellow flower and what she was about to tell us could not
have made our first day more exciting.
There were several tasks that we were all given in order to
earn our Indian name. At the end of the camping week we
54. would all earn our Indian name. Then she placed a necklace
made out of deer skin around each of our necks, and asks our
given name. If one challenge was not met the necklace had to
be returned. Anyone who completed the challenge received
an award along with getting to keep the necklace. She then
explained all the amenities and rules. “Finally Flower girls
done talking” I thought.
“Ok girls get your swim gear and meet us at the beach.
We all gathered once again to hear the same boring stuff we
heard every year about first aid, rules, and water levels. But
we were all about to hear something new and challenging
once again. There were different coloured bobs to show the
depth of water. We had to accomplish treading water for
longer than 20 min or we could not pass the green. I knew I
was not capable of treading and had no interest in even
trying. Although my sister loved to compete with me so I
dare not at least try. I was a bit embarrassed when she beat
me but was kind of proud of her because she was better
than half my friends and I was her sister.
Once the swimming was over it was time to eat and there
was never a minute to rest in between. The long log cabin
filled with Indian paintings had our attention throughout the
whole supper. “Everyone pointed to the big mouth painting of
totem pole. “Hey Tracy look it’s you!’ I laughed it was ok for
my friends to call me big mouth just not my brothers or
55. their friends. “Yep I rule all that’s why you picked the
biggest mouth” we chuckled. Another announcement was
about to happen and it was easy for Yellow Flower to get our
attention, by now she had so many great surprises it was
hard not to listen.
56. Chapter 12/12
There Are Some Things I Just Could Not Do
The best part of camping was hands down the end of the
night bomb fire. Once again we had all been well advised in
the past but another surprise, first the introductions of
several Indian guides that were to lead a group of 20 to the
fire. Our Indian guide was called eagle eyes and she told tall
tales of Indian legends that had us laughing and crying in
fear all the way to the fire pit. It was so exciting.
From the bomb fire we were all told about a fund that our
parents left for us to spend at the Tuck Shop where you can
buy all the goodies you want. This was another new activity
that we had never done at camp before.
Camp is now leading up to the final days and we were having
so much fun trying to keep our necklace. Tammy and I both
still had our necklace and the competition was even better
against her. There were only 2 tasks left and the
announcement came over the camp speakers.
“Ok all you little Indians with necklaces your last challenge,
you must not speak a word for 24 hours. I panicked there
was no way I could stay quiet. “Oh my God Tracy you might
as well hand your necklace in” Cathy laughed and was
57. admittingly a bit annoying when she wouldn’t stop. I shoved
her and smiled “want a bet” I knew that was the one bet she
would win but at least she shut up fast when I called her on
it. Ok, so I lost the challenge in the first hour and that
meant not only did I lose my necklace but Tammy beat me
once again’ my little sister was better than me. The worst
was having to listen to Cathy, “ Hey Tracy “What’s a matter
cat got your tongue” she was making sure to center me out in
front of everyone and they all took turns joking “Too bad
that didn’t happen earlier Bridget responded.
Then the final challenge was about to be announced over the
loudspeaker “all finalist congratulations on making it to the
round, you are just one step from becoming a secret
member”. Her next words were the greatest “tonight at
exactly midnight all finalists will join their Indian guide for a
graveyard sleepover to show no fear. “Indian culture speaks
of the living dead that still roam in the night throughout the
cemetery. I started laughing and teasing Tammy she was
never going to do it. “Oh yeah sis just because you’re too
chicken doesn’t mean I am” at first I thought she was
showing off and trying to be a big shot.
Tammy actually went through with the sleepover and the
great part was she shared the secrets of Indian Legends
with me when she got back the next morning. It was our last
bomb fire and everyone was sad, we never wanted our
58. adventure to end. The last bomb fire was the best, it was
award night and our
Indian names were about to be revealed. Tammy’s name was
running deer because of her curiosity and I was named
running water because although rough at times, I displayed
purity and beauty during the quiet moments.
That was our last and best year ever. Although we had no
idea it would be so much fun we talked all the way home
about whether we were getting too old for camp.
59. Chapter 13
That’s Not a Needle
Weeks had past and I was not getting any better. I had
more bad days than good. My headaches were constant and
now so painful I had to have a bucket by my bed. The phone
rang, it was the doctor. I tried to listen but all I could hear
was my sister calling my mom constantly while she was on the
phone.
She was so annoying if I had the strength I would have got
up and punched her one. After the phone call my mom came
up the stairs to talk to me. "Tracy we have to go and see a
specialist" you can hear her struggling to continue. They
think you may have a rare blood disease and have to do more
tests. "Mommy what’s a Specialist
My mother looked at me and gave me a great big hug, let me
do all the worrying she said, you just stay the tough girl you
are and you will pull through.
60. Back to do more tests on this day my mom wanted one on one
with me so we took the bus. It took almost an hour of sitting
on that cold metal so called bed. When the Dry finally came
in, he looked very puzzled and it was clear he had bad news.
“Tracy" he said very compassionately "the next test we have
to do is going to be painful you have been a strong young lady
so far “he then continued to explain the procedure called a
bone marrow test.
All I could think about was that little girl at the blood clinic.
I'll bet she had this done I thought. I then looked at the
Doctor and nodded my head “ok“! He explained to my mom
that my platelets were very low and this test will determine
the cause.
When the Dr. Left the room to prepare for the test I
started getting very nervous and tears were rolling down my
face. My mom reached from her chair across the room and
said "sweetie I had this done before and yes it’s painful but
you’re tough "try to think of something else while he is doing
it.
The Nurse followed behind the Doctor "ok sweetie roll on
your stomach. I had already been told the needle was in the
back so I did as she requested. I was just anxious to get it
over with. I moaned and bit on the pillow I was given. It felt
61. like my bones were grinding inside it hurt so bad but I
showed them I could be strong.
On our way to the bus stop I turned to my mom still in pain
from the needle and asked why she had to have the test
done. "Who me" she said
"Oh no I never even seen a test like that in my life" "your
one brave young lady" I felt good about myself.
Weeks later my mother received another call this time I was
in school. When I came home I was feeling pretty good so I
decided to go outside and play. As I was playing hopscotch I
overheard my mother in our back yard talking to Berta. They
were discussing the possibilities of what the results might
be. I sort of felt special and was getting allot of attention
from everyone. Although I felt special I was also scared I
knew that I was bruising all the time and always really tired.
All I could think about was how I wanted this bad dream to
end.
Here we go again "I thought as we waited in that same room
for what felt like forever. The Dr. finally entered the room.
"Hazel your daughter has a very rare blood disorder called
immune thrombocytopenia" this was a low platelet count
caused by my spleen he explained further then started to
talk about surgery. If I was not scared before I sure was
now. I asked the Doctor If I had to have the surgery. It
62. felt as though he was not giving me any attention so I
needed him to recognize me in the room. He then explained
that I could pass out on the street and not wake up. This was
enough to put my thoughts in a whirlwind of emotions. I
stayed quiet and tried to ignore all the details, I was already
petrified.
My mom and I had just walked in the door and I was crying.
Tommy had no heart and cared less that I was sick. He came
towards me and foolish me thought maybe he was going to
ask if I was ok, but instead he looked me in the eye and said
"what’s a matter?”, Doctor tell you that your Dying." then he
left out the front door without another word. All I wanted
to do was sleep so I curled up on my favourite spot of the
couch and watched TV until I dosed off.
It was two weeks before the surgery and my friends were all
getting ready for a big Terry Fox 24 hour dance Marathon.
My friend Cathy and I always sat and watched. Only this
time our favourite song was playing we are the champion. We
loved to dance to it because we at least could join in and
wave our arms.
As we were laughing and giggling my ankle started hurting. I
tried to ignore it but the pain became intense and I could
barely make it back to my seat. Everyone came to my aid
they had seen me stumble and I was holding onto my ankle.
63. I was told to sit on the chair when I looked up to my
astonishment it was Tommy that was taking off my stalking
and asking me where I was hurting. Although we hated each
other it just felt good that someone was taking care of me.
Finally Bobby, Tommy’s Brother had pulled up in his Chevy
and my mother was waiting in the car with him.
When we got to the Doctor at emergency they had done all
the necessary x-rays but because of my medical history they
had decided to do more blood work. We waited a long time
before the Doctor Came back in the room. He explained to
my mother that there were signs of arthritis in my ankle.
I'm only 12 how can that be I thought. The results were to
be sent to my specialist and they had already booked an
appointment for a follow-up.
Two weeks past and we were finally getting the results
today, Doctor Came in the room this time with a folder filled
with paper. "I have good news and bad news" he said. I’ll
take the Good news first" my mother said. Your daughter’s
platelets are back to normal which means she does not need
surgery.
In a strange way I was disappointed I had already told all my
friends and it was the biggest talk of the week. Not to
mention I would have had no school. My mother was very
64. pleased but still concerned. The Doctor went on to explain
that I had a rare disease called Lupus. The reason why I was
sick so much was because of the sun.
At the time the Doctor did not know much about this rare
disease but the best advice was to stay out of the sun and
use a cream called Block Aid this was to protect my skin
from the sun. From that day on my mom would have to come
to the pool with me when I wanted to swim and timed me, no
longer than 20 min in the pool was allowed.
My mother always reminded me what a lucky girl I was and
God must have great plans for me!
65. Chapter 15
Out With the Old In With the Old
Growing up my mother had to struggle financially and
emotionally. Raising 6 kids are her own was a lot of work. We
had lots of help from all kinds of strangers. Our favourite
was Christmas. We would always be waiting patiently at the
door for our Christmas basket. My mother was always hoping
the Turkey was big enough to feed all of us and still have
enough for a second meal tomorrow.
I would argue with Tammy and tell her this time I get the
colouring books and crayons. To stop the argument my
mother would look at me "don’t you think you’re a little too
old for colouring Tammy" well that said it all I knew right
then that spoiled brat was going to get her own way. "You
can have the book" my mother said she was very big on
reading. I hated reading and my mom knew it. We always
knew ahead of time what was in the basket because every
year was the same.
We also had several homemakers my mom would be gone for
the whole day sometimes and we would come home from
66. school with some stranger cooking supper. We often
wondered where she would be going but got used to it after
a while.
Then there was Mrs. Philips she was great every time we saw
her pickup truck we knew we were getting a bunch of yummy
day old goodies she was an older lady but always dressed
nice and for a women with a full set of grey hair she had a
beautiful smile and was a lot of fun to talk too.
There was another very special lady that came to visit about
once a month, my Aunt Irene. Every time we saw her Tammy
and I would be so relieved but mostly excited when we heard
she was coming. The special gifts she would bring were
something Tammy and I needed the most. Flex shampoo and
conditioner.
When we used run out before it was time for her to visit we
would try all kinds of things to keep our hair from tangling
and made it feel soft. Mayonnaise seemed to be the only
thing that worked. She knew how important our hair was to
us and worked for the Avon factory.
We would also get lots of other things too. Our favourite
was the broach. There were different cartoon characters
and when you would open the belly it would be filled with lip
67. balm or sometimes perfume. We loved them and always got
to pick out of the bag for our favourite. She was full of hugs
and kissed and wood always slip us a 5 dollar bill. I knew what
I was going to spend my money on. By now I needed
cigarettes it was getting harder and harder to hide on my
mom.
You can feel the cold winter from inside the house. Our
house was always cold it was time for my mom to go pick up
our coats from the snow fund it was for family’s that could
not afford winter coats for their children. When we got
home from school we could not wait to see our new jackets.
68. My mother called us she loved the moments of seeing us
smile." That’s what makes all the hard work worth it.
69. Chapter 16
Face It Your Drunk!
The cold months are here and my friends and I had no
problems playing out in the cold. We played broom ball,
hockey, and had several snowball fights to keep us busy.
There was never a moment where my brothers were not in
the house. I was getting sick of looking at them. all but
Bobby of course.
My mother liked Bobby too, she was like a mom to him and he
was now filling Kevin’s seat at the table every Sunday. I was
ok with that of course. Kevin always sat next to me. Sundays
were always entertaining.
My mom would always burn our Sunday meal but to her
defence she cooked allot of food for Sunday. I stopped
asking her why she cooked so much food, she always had a
new excuse, left over’s, to make sure there’s enough for
everyone but her favourite was you never know who could
show up.
She was right as usual. There was one visit that always
stayed fresh in my mind. That was the day my dad’s whole
family showed up unannounced. Uncle Ricky was drunk and his
new wife Violet wanted him to rest before driving some
70. more. “Sit down” my said, she was always happy to have
company but Ricky was my dad’s brother and he made my
mother feel very uncomfortable.
My uncle for some reason always wore cowboy boots and
thought he was a Texas man right down to the scrawny look
the scruffy hair with a beautiful cowboy hat. He always put
his grubby hands on my mother "when you going to get
married sexy" he never held back his swear words and had
no problem hitting on my mom in front of Violet.
"Sit down Ricky your drunk" Yea you old bastard and theirs
kids around watch your mouth" watch his mouth maybe she
should worry about her own I thought to myself. Violet was
really ugly I don’t know what was wrong with her face, she
had zits and open pores everywhere. I thought where’s
Bridget she loved to pop zits and did mine for me all the
time. "Rub a little alcohol so it dries up faster
Tracy" she would say after popping them.
My Aunt always had this White leather Jacket to cover her
deformed body and wore the little bit of hair she had in a
71. ponytail. "Oh relax well ya!” “Ya aren’t exactly good looking
like my hazel here” he would say. "What do you expect"
after all I am a man. "Hazel I'm really sorry he is way out of
line“. My aunt was not impressed. Even with all the loudness
and obnoxious behaviour my mom always offered them the
bed couch to sleep the night.
This allowed Ricky to drink until he passed out.
Lenny was my cousin" He was spitting image of his dad. Lenny
was more Tammy's age and she was always excited to play
with him. I never understood why they were even welcome in
our home but I guess my mother wanted to make sure they
had a safe trip.
Supper is all done and by now Uncle Ricky is passed out for
the night we had hoped. My brothers came in and had pretty
much taken over the house. Kenny had brought in a few
beers and so did Trevor’s friends.
They were getting ready to play Poker and almost as if Uncle
Ricky smelled the alcohol he was at the table wanting to play.
My brother’s friends had no problem taking a drunks money
so they let him play. Uncle Ricky kept losing and you knew
that Violet was getting nervous he was spending all their
money, they never had much.
72. She explained to my mom that Uncle Ricky had a drinking
and gambling problem. Richard, she called him by his real
name when talking about him. Had lost allot of money that
night and the next day late afternoon he insisted someone
stole it. Violet tried to convince him that he lost it all in
poker. "I'll be back in a half an hour“.
When he came back he had a two-four in his hand. By now he
must have chugged some back on his way to my house. "Don’t
worry hazel he said I’m not drunk, then as he ran to the
backdoor Timmy decided he was going to say something he
knew my mother never would.” Why are you still here” he
said "aren’t you and your family supposed to be on a trip.”
come here little buddy" my uncle said" No you’re too drunk
I’m going outside" and walked away. "Too Drunk" Quite the
boy you have their
73. Hazel" he said after about his 7th beer and the afternoon
had barely started yet".
He then walked over to the back yard and was watching the
kids jump over the neighbour’s wood fence. This was fairly
simple to do and the fences were pretty low even if you did
trip. Uncle Ricky opened the door to talk to the kids outside.
"Now what’s he doing"? Violet said to my mom. Then he
yelled” Hazel come here let me prove to you I’m not drunk.
"No no" my mom said I believe you; she was now getting tired
of his nonsense.
He then in his cowboy boots took a running jump for the
fence. I was in the parking lot and saw the whole thing. "It
was so funny the way he landed his feet never even got 2
inches off the ground instead he belly flopped over the
fence. I saw him get up and blood trickling down his head"
are you all right Uncle Ricky although he was not my
favourite family member I never like to see people get hurt
unless I was doing the hurting.
That was a long day for my mother she had to go with him by
taxi and was at the hospital for 5 long hours. Uncle Ricky got
10 stitches and a massive headache.
Finally after all the excitement was over Uncle
74. Ricky and Family apologized for the inconvenience and finally
left. My mom shut the door, `“thank God their Gone“. That
was the last time she invited them over for the night.
75. Chapter 17
That Was Close!
It was starting to get harder and harder to hide smoking
from my mom. By now all my friends but Cathy had their
permission to smoke. No matter where we went they would
light up. The problem was no matter how bad I wanted one I
would have to wait for the right time to sneak. I wanted to
have my permission several times but even to ask my mom
was a waste of time she would never say yes even though I
knew my mom knew that I was smoking. Her way of dealing
with it was just to ignore it. I came close to getting caught
smoking so many times.
Cathy and I decided we were going to hang out in her
basement by now Cathy had really liked her drink and the
fact that her dad had a bar in the basement sure did not
help. We were sitting playing cards and were both by now
getting bored. Cathy got up`` I’ll be right back``. She was
gone no longer than a minute and came back with a bottle.
Only this time it was not for spin the bottle we were too old
for that game and the only two in the room. She loved my
innocence and outgoing willing to try anything once. ``What’s
76. that? `` I said to Cathy. She went to the bar and got two
shot glasses that were sitting on the bar and filled the
glasses with what looked like water. ```do you like black
liquorice Tracy``? It was one of my favourites and she
77. knew it. I would buy the black candy cigars all the time and a
full bag of black liquorice.
All I could do is nod and all though my knees were shaking my
heart was racing I just had to try this stuff. ``is there
alcohol in it?” I asked already knowing there was. ``come on
live it up girl`` Cathy was getting a bit annoyed with my
hesitation. ``here’s to the bottom saying bye to the top``
as I chased it down like it was juice. We were having too
much fun now. That was the best tasting drink ever. `` That
is good stuff`` I said although it was harsh on the throat it
tasted like someone squeezed all the black liquorice juice in
a bottle.
We then had maybe 1 more shot and Cathy filled the bottle
with water to a line she had marked to cover her tracks and
brought it back to the bar. I was feeling really funny and
oddly relaxed but very shaky and my stomach was queasy.
“Let’s just relax and listen to music” I said to Cathy. Her
parents were at work and weren’t to be home for another 3
hours.
We both started yakking about anything and laughing over
nothing. Cathy brought out her favourite Colt cigars and
handed me one. We lit up but just as we did we heard
footsteps coming down. ``Quick she said sticks it under the
couch``
78. Her basement was made into a wreck room and her couch
was a gold and yellow pattern it was very old and long
overdue for the garbage. It was her dad. We were sitting on
the floor in front of the couch in order to hide the smoke
from our still lit colt cigar. We knew we had the smell
covered because it never smelled like a real cigarette and if
her dad was home it was probably from drinking on the job
and by now he would be too drunk to notice. He could have
been a good looking man if he cleaned up. He looked old
because of the drinking and always had black stubbles all
over his face.
Her dad came half way down the stairs `` hey girls what are
you doing`` he was just checking to see if anyone was home.
The smoke started smelling different and I could see it
climbing in front. I nudged Cathy and she looked with fear on
her face. There was paper sticking out from under the couch
and it started to set fire. ``
79. Cathy quickly stood up ``hey dad what are you doing home``
Butch was not about to answer that question so he turned
and chuckled, ``you girls just make sure you stay out of
trouble. Too late for that I thought. ``Quick Quick`` Cathy
said grab the paper from under the couch.
Some of the newspaper were already lit we started jumping
all over the paper to put the fire out. That was too close for
the both of us. The fact that we had a couple of shots and
just got away with it exhausted our day.
80. Chapter 18
You Know It! And I Know It!
During the next few weeks I started getting more daring
with my smoking. I would light up if the boys and his friends
were in the kitchen. If my mom walked in I would just drop it
in the ashtray. Trevor’s friends never spoke a word about my
smoking it was like they respected me for taking the risk.
One time Angie whom was the coach for my pageant was the
only one in the kitchen and she was waiting for Trevor. The
craving was so bad I really needed a cigarette. “Hey Angie
mind if I light up and if my mom comes in just act like it’s
yours ok?” Just as I was halfway through my smoke my mom
walked in the back kitchen door.
I threw my smoke in the ashtray for Angie to pick it up.
Instead she lit a smoke. My mom was very witty and it was
not easy to get one by on her. ``Whose smoke is that
Tracy`` I thought quick on my toes as I always had done
``oh its Trevor’s he just ran up to get something`` She then
gave me a look as if to say I am not stupid and went back
outside with a coffee for her and Berta. After they left I
turned to Angie and said “thanks allot” I chuckled a little not
knowing if she had done it on purpose.
81. My friends and I were all going to the show and it was the
best time to light up because we were far enough from the
house. Cathy, Bridget, Sherry and I were having fun making
circles out of smoke and French inhaling. I was never very
good at it so my friends would have a great time watching me
try.
It was fun to be silly so I started mimicking and joking about
the way they looked. The fun never lasted long when I heard
a voice from behind us. It was Carol Force and she had been
coming back from the hotel after chugging a few afternoon
drinks. ``Tracy I am so disappointed” she said “your mother
is not going to like to hear about this one`` there was no
point in trying to defend myself I was caught red handed. ``
Whatever`` I said in a very mouthy way. The truth is I
really didn’t care at this point and was getting tired of
asking my mom for permission.
After Carol left the girls took turns asking if I was ok and
giving advice on how to approach my mom. Cathy said “ tell
her you were holding it for one of us”. I laughed ``and how
do I explain the smoke coming out of my mouth” “thanks
guys” I said trying to change the subject; I knew they were
just trying to help but truthfully I really didn’t care.
We were on our way home and the reality hit, my mom was
going to hear the news that I was smoking. Another lecture
82. and long punishment. My mom had to show her friends that
she was strict. As we were passing through the parking lot
my mom was sitting in Berta’s yard with Carroll ``Tracy
come here right now` `she was not happy and I knew it. She
then started telling me all the things I already knew about
smoking and I stood ashamed in front of her friends. “Here”
she said and handed me a colt cigar. You want to smoke so
bad sit down and smoke let me see how cool you look. Wow I
thought I’m getting a real chance to smoke in front of my
mom and a colt cigar. She sat and stared, I smoked it as if I
had been smoking for years. That’s when she knew she was
beat and finally caved in and gave me my permission.
Smoking no longer was fun but an addiction and although I
knew it was hurting my breathing especially with asthma,
cost money, and I reeked all the time of smoke I had to have
one more and more often now that I no longer had to hide it.
83. Chapter 19
Hey We Promised To Share
I am finally feeling better and although I had a lot of aches
in my bones I never let it stop me from having fun. We were
all practicing so hard throughout the week for our big
baseball tournament and I was very tired.
Sunday morning Timmy came in to wake me up and ask if I
was going to the drive in. I explained to him that I was
sleeping in to get rested for our big game. "you’re not
getting sick again are you" Timmy was always concerned
about me, I mocked him and chuckled back, "ah is somebody
worried about me" He laughed and turned to me with a big
smile " ok he said but I get to keep the money all to myself"
It would have been a good day for us too. A double feature
of Halloween and Friday the 13th was playing.
By now I was awake and having breakfast. The front door
opened as if a strong wind had just carried the door. Timmy
came running in panting and holding up a purse. "Look what I
found” he said “someone’s purse.” He found an old lady style
brown leather purse with $250.00 in it. "Where did you find
it Timmy?” My mom asked. He continued to explain "It was
right before the hole of the fence in the field". "Let me see
son there must be some I.D in there".
84. My mother was always about doing the right thing. However
by now Timmy had picked up some bad habits such as
smoking. Money came in handy. As my mom searched
frantically my older two brother Trevor and Brent were to
get rid of the wallet and received $20.00 each for their
dishonesty.
I was excited for Timmy but also knew he would not forget
about his favourite sister. "Hey I said with a little grin
holding out my hand "what about me" he started going
through his money and saw how quickly it was disappearing.”
Can I give you ten sis" he knew it wasn’t really fare because
my brothers never went with Timmy to the Drive-In, him and
I went every Sunday. "That’s ok" I said "but don't give
Tammy any" and because Tammy really never cared about
having allot of money he gave her $1.00 to keep her happy.
We all found out that day that Timmy threw out the I.D so
my mother would not make him return it. About a week later
gossip got out. It was a welfare check that was just cashed
and the woman was an elderly lady. I felt really bad but
there was nothing we could do. She must have left her purse
while trying to take a short cut through the fence.
The following Sunday I was up before Timmy and Ready to
go. "Come on bro we have some money to make" then I made
a cock a doodle do sound. He yawned and stretched then
85. threw his pillow "you going to just stand there and wait for
me to hop out of bed in my Fruit of the Looms.” "Your gross
" "meet you downstairs I said. When we got to the Drive in,
word was out that you can find money we saw two boys from
a distance. As we got closer we saw Gerry and his older
brother Philip. Philip was trouble and every second word that
came out of his mouth was Fuck. I always worried my
brother and he would get into some kind of trouble. He
always wore this bum Jacket that looked like it had been run
over a thousand times, it was green plaid and the threads
were so torn.
Philip was cute but definitely not my type. He had Black
Hair feathered back and dark eyes, his attitude was
annoying. "Hey” my brother said "What are you guys doing
here" Philip and Timmy hung out but not too often. “Hey man
heard you guys make some good money" thought we would
join you" Timmy looked at me and I saw Gerry standing there
waiting for my answer. We still chatted when we crossed
paths "Sure why not"
Turns out; my why not was because Philip and Timmy kept
ditching Gerry and me to have a smoke? I was starting to
get angry, "look at them Gerry," I through my bag down and
had enough… We’re picking up garbage and there over in the
86. corner having fun" They were standing outside under the
roof at the entrance to the refreshment stand The boss was
always in back by now counting his money so Timmy wasn’t
worried about him.
Although he had bigger problems when I had a temper. "I'm
going over there" Gerry started running towards me "Tracy
don't go over just leave them" there was no way I was going
to listen to
Gerry or anyone I was so mad.
There was a funny smell of smoke as I got closer. What is
that smell I said to my brother? I had forgotten how mad I
was when I saw my brother smoking weed. I knew my other
two brothers were but never suspected Timmy.
"Timmy” I said" very puzzled "when did you start doing that
stuff.” What are you doing here" He never spoke to me like
that before I almost wanted to hit him.
Philip pushed Timmy aside and handed me the joint "Hey
want to try" Timmy grabbed it out of his hand and dropped
it. "What did you do that for?" Philip then picked it up "leave
her out" Timmy said as though he was ready for a fight to
protect me from it. Philip convinced Timmy. He told Timmy if
87. I wanted I was going to do it sooner or later I then
explained that at the least I could not rat on them. Although
Timmy was still not too keen on the idea, he let me have my
satisfaction of curiosity.
Gerry had almost finished the whole drive-in and was helping
his brother find roaches to save some weed from other
people’s joints.
The whole time Gerry knew why they were in the corner. On
our way home we figured that we had only made $25.00 and
after the split it was not very much. I was so thirsty and
laughing so hard I had to really pee. 'Hey Bro can you help
me stand-up" I said laughing and falling into him on purpose.
"Are my eyes ok" I asked now I was getting paranoid I knew
I was going home to my mother.
We were both feeling really weird but relaxed. My mother
was in the kitchen as usual baking some homemade peanut
butter cookies. Now I have the munchies and reached out to
grab a cookie off the tray. "Get “Clean your grubby hands,
before you touch those cookies". She was not impressed to
say the least. She was right my hands were filthy but I was
trying to sneak so she would not look at me. I turned my
head before she had a chance to see me and went up to wash
my hands. There was no reason to go back for the cookie so
I went and bought munchies at the store.
88. It was going to get harder to make money now that there
were 4 of us and I was busy with my baseball practicing so I
told Timmy I was done going to the Drive-In. That was the
last time we all went. I started babysitting for money and
Timmy had gotten a job at the drug store shortly after.
89. Chapter 20
Crash Course in French
I was finally earning more money than ever. Now that I was
babysitting and making $1.00 an hour I was able to spoil
myself. Most of my money was going towards smokes. The
prices had gone up and I was making a little more than the
cost of smokes a week.
At this time I was smoking weed now to and started to
depend on that almost just as much as cigarettes. If it
weren’t for my friends pitching or taking turns buying I
would have to quit one or the other. Choosing between the
two would be very difficult.
We were always happy to baby-sit for #31 Susan. Susan had
two kids but her home was known for selling weed when you
want some.
She had two of the cutest boys and although her home had a
bad reputation for being the party house her kids were
90. happy and always well dressed, she was always tired looking
with matted Sandy Brown hair, you can tell it was because
most of her time was spent taking care
of her two little boys and staying up late to party after
their bed time.
Scotty was ten and very well mannered. His eyes almost
looked as they changed colour in the light and he had
straight boy cut blonde hair. He was very protective over his
little brother Ben and made sure Ben was with him at all
times. Ben was 8 and very thin but ate very well. He was a
preemie baby and Sharon always made sure to tell anyone
met. Ben’s hair was curly and almost black we often
wondered if they had the same father but never asked.
It was always great if she asked you to baby-sit. I would
always get paid $10.00 no matter how long she needed me.
My bonus would be when she called me in the kitchen and on
top of her kitchen window was a pot plant. At the end of the
night that was my bonus a nice big.
Word got out that I was a great babysitter and I became
more and more demanding. The phone rang and I overheard
my mom talking in French. After she hung up the phone she
called me in the kitchen. There was a lady she had met at
the school looking for a babysitter. I had never watched
stranger’s kids before and my mom knew this. She was a
91. pleaser and if it meant she was going to offer my services
she would do it.
At times it was more a favour to me when she found me a
babysitting job but this time it was different they were
strangers. She hung up the phone and looked at me. "Mom I
don’t like that look" As I was listening to her explaining how
desperate this lady was and that she would pay very well I
could not resist. I had one more question and it was a done
deal, "mom why were you speaking to her in French.” One
more thing" she said preparing to strip any chances she had
of my saying yes, I knew there had to be something.” They
are completely French but the mother understands some
English“.
I hated French and never liked the accent either. "What?”,
“how am I supposed to communicate with this boy“. “Oh come
on she said you'll figure it out“. My mother always had to
feel good about helping a neighbour so I agreed to baby-sit.
The mother came to pick me up at 6:00 and when I saw the
car that pulled up it felt like I was about to meet a real rich
person for the first time. She was driving a beautiful black
92. sports car; my brothers were looking out the window arguing
over the make. It was between a Lemans or grand is either
way it was beautiful. As I was about to get in the car a tall
beautiful blonde lady wearing sunglasses and white Gauchos
and a silk baby blue dress shirt , high heels to make up for
her height, opened the car door.
The boys could not wait to get out and talk to her Bobby and
Tommy were the only two that spoke French and did not stop
chatting for almost 5min before my mother came out to say
hello. Finally I thought my mom is here to save the day. I
could tell the lady was already not feeling very comfortable.
Tommy kept putting his face to the window to see the inside
and the lady was not about to open the door for him to get
in. My mother and her spoke French to each other and
repeated in English to reassure me that if I have a hard
time speaking to the boy my mom would stay by her phone.
That made me feels much better.
As we pulled up to her house it was like a mansion. A
beautiful square like home with white brick exterior that
matched the inside of the house. After they left the young
4 year old with cute chubby cheeks that I kept squeezing all
93. night and pug nose with cauliflower ears, spoke French
although I could not understand a word`, his voice made me
melt. He was so cute.
He could not wait to take me for a tour. But I could not wait
for his bedtime so I could enjoy heir big screen coloured TV.
When he brought me in the kitchen I immediately wanted
the family to adopt me. The fridge and stove was stainless
steel and had an icemaker. I had never even heard of an
icemaker in the fridge. Then just to pour a glass of water
was complicated. There was a garbage disposal in
the kitchen sink. It was really hard for me to understand
what the boy was trying to tell me so he demonstrated with
a core from the apple he was eating.
This was the coolest day ever I thought. He wasn’t done
showing me around right down to the game room in the
basement. The whole night was like a tour of the Queens
home for me. Easy money in my pocket it was finally the
little boy’s bed time and my movie was just getting started.
When I got home I had made $20.00 for two hours work.
Tammy and I stayed up talking almost all night about the fun
I had and money I made.
The next day I had wanted so badly to own my own pet and a
neighbour had been giving a bird cage away for free. All the
ladies from the community centre were talking while
94. teaching us how to macramé. The material was very picky but
it was almost like braiding hair. I could not help but to
overhear the story about a lady's budgie dying and how she
had him so well trained he even spoke. "Mom I want a budgie
can we ask the lady for her cage" I blurted out forgetting
about my mom’s golden rule; kids are to be seen and not
heard. My mom insisted that I would not take care of him
but with allot of wining and convincing she finally said yes.
My $20.00 was about to bring years of happiness.
95. Chapter 21
Money Well Spent
Bridget was coming with me to the pet store.
The lady who gave me the cage told me all about what to
watch out for when buying a bird. There were so many to
choose from but I just kept telling myself to take my time.
One bird stood out more than ever and not because of his
looks. He was sitting on a perch just singing away as if there
were no other birds in the cage with him.
He had all the means of training. He was young I could tell
because of the lines at the very front of his head also males
were easier to train and this bird was a male. "What about
that one as we pointed to the green budgie that was singing."
We both said it at the same time. Out of nowhere Bridget
punched me "Owe me a coke" I hated that game my friends
never held back on their punches especially Bridget. But I
really didn’t care this time I was to overwhelm with hoping I
picked the right bird.
It cost me just under $20.00 by the time I bought all the
necessary items. I didn’t even have enough for a pack of
96. smokes but this time I didn’t care. Having a pet meant way
more to me. Also we were able to buy cigarettes for 10 cents
each at the corner store. When I got home Charlie was
getting allot of attention. Not the kind of attention I
wanted for him. Trevor and Timmy kept flicking the cage and
pretending like there was an earthquake to get a reaction. I
named him Charlie and once the excitement was all over I
took him to my room to prepare for training.
Every day after school I would repeat the same words over
and over again hoping someday he will repeat it back. My
mother was downstairs calling me for supper the time went
so fast he was so amazing to look at that I hadn’t even went
out to play. Just as I was about to leave my room for supper
it happened, almost as if he wanted me to stay. As I was
turning the bedroom door handle he started making some
very strange sounds like he was trying to say something.
I heard what I thought sounded like pretty but could not
make it out clearly. That was enough for me to get really
hyped. "Tracy" my mother called me again "Since she's got
97. that dam bird "I swear she has become a birdbrain herself"
she always said something to that affect with anything I had
done. But this time I was feeling too good to care and
although I didn’t want to speak to soon I knew that day was
coming where all my hard word was about to pay off and
Charlie was going to say his first word. I ate my dinner really
fast skipped dessert. It was rice pudding not my favourite
and went back up for more training.
Just when I was getting ready to go to school for some
strange reason my mom wanted me to bring Charlie down for
the day. I think she was feeling down and needed Charlie to
perk her up. Her excuse was that my room was cold and it
was much warmer in the kitchen with the oven on.
As soon as I put him on our old freezer in the kitchen my
mom started calling him and the whole time I was getting
ready for school I was answering all her question; how can
you tell if he is a girl or boy, should you be cutting his nails,
does he take a bath in his new tub.
I loved that my mother wanted to know everything about
Charlie. It started feeling like we had been bonding with our
new family member. I was in a hurry and my mother was still
asking about Charlie,” mom I have to go my friends are
98. waiting" I felt bad that I spoke to her like that but I was
frustrated was in a hurry and was more upset that I couldn’t
stay and talk.
Charlie’s First Words
On our way home the bus a bunch of immature boys and girls
drooling all over each other. My mother always said you
should never make-out in public. I could understand why. We
were just entering our first year of High school and that
meant we were taking the oc transpo, the bus was so packed,
there was one couple that were all hands with each other
and they looked like they were trying to exchange tongues.
They kept bumping into this elderly man and laughing. Now I
knew why my mother said that,
I felt for the elderly man and how uncomfortable it must
have been for him. All I wanted to do was get back home to
make sure my Charlie was ok.
