IntroductionYou are the senior financial analyst for Fosbeck Gene.docx

Introduction:
You are the senior financial analyst for Fosbeck Generic Drug
Co (Fosbeck). The firm manufactures and sells generic over-
the-counter drugs in plants located throughout the country. You
have been asked to generate some answers to questions
emanating from the Board of Directors. These questions can be
grouped into two broad categories – what projects to choose for
the near future and how to finance these projects.Deliverable:
Please present your recommendations in a report written for
your supervisor, the firm Controller. Clearly show your analysis
and communicate your conclusions and recommendations.
Support your report by calculations in the Excel spreadsheets.
In your report, explain the results of each portion of your
analysis (represented by the tabs on the Excel template). Submit
all the completed Excel worksheets with the completed
responses to the questions posed to support your report and
recommendation.Steps to Completion:
Individual Project Analysis
Your first task is to analyze the company’s three projects and
provide your recommendations about their implementation.
Automation project
One of Fosbeck’s plants is trying to decide whether to automate
its drug manufacturing by purchasing a fully automated
bioreactor machine complex.
The proposed machine costs $500 M and it will have a five year
anticipated life and will be depreciated by using the 3-year
MACRS depreciation method toward a zero salvage value.
(MACRS depreciation rates are: Year 1: 33%, Year 2: 45%,
Year 3: 15% and Year 4: 7%) However, the plant will be able to
sell the machine in the after-market for 25% of its original costs
at the end of year 5. The firm estimates that the installation of
the bioreactor will bring annual costs savings of $50 M from
reduced labor costs, $10 M per year from reduced waste

disposal costs, and $80 M per year from the sales byproduct of
bioreactor process net of selling expenses. Fosbeck requires a
12% of return from its investment and has a 21% marginal tax
rate.
Decision Criteria – NPV and IRR
· Calculate the NPV and IRR for the project.
· The manager of the plant raised some concerns about the
revenues from the byproduct sale. He projects that the price of
the byproduct in year 1 and the following years could be 10% to
50% less than what was projected. However, the savings from
reduced labor costs and reduced waste disposal costs would
remain same. He presented the following probability
distribution on the projected reclaimed plastic sales:
Remain same as projected40%
Decrease by 10%30%
Decrease by 30%20%
Decrease by 50%10%
Estimate the NPV and IRR for each of these scenarios. Estimate
the expected NPV.
Break-even Analysis
· At what volume of byproduct sales would Fosbeck have a
break-even NPV=0?
Fosbuvir Project
The company considers development of a new drug to treat
Hepatitis C, code-named the Fosbuvir Project. Fosbeck has
already spent $420 M on preliminary research for drug
development and it will need another $600 M on development
this year (tax deductible) and $2 B in CapEx next year (these
cash outlays are not part of the cash flows that you have

estimated earlier, because this project is not approved yet).
Capital expenditures will be depreciated over 10 years using
straight line depreciation.
The patent for the drug is pending and the company expects to
receive an FDA approval and start selling the drug in two years.
If approved, revenues in the first year of sales are $10 B with
subsequent annual growth of 50% over the next three years
(until the fourth year of sales), after which the sales will be
stable between the fourth and the tenth years of sales. After that
the drug will lose the patent protection and its manufacturing is
expected to stop. The CoGS are estimated to be 15% of
revenues and SG&A expenses are $2 B a year if the drug is
produced and zero otherwise.
Expected revenues and expenses should take into account the
uncertainty of getting the patent and FDA approval. The
company estimates the probability of getting the approval in
two years is 10% (i.e., if the company gets the approval the
revenue is $10 B, if it does not, the revenue is zero, which
makes the expected revenue in the first year of sales equal to $1
B). Even if Fosbuvir gets approved by FDA, each year there is a
5 % probability of the patent becoming obsolete due to a new
drug entering the market, in which case the revenues, as well as
CoGS and SG&A expenses will drop to zero.
NPV and IRR
· Estimate expected revenues and costs, taking probability of
approval and probability of the patent becoming obsolete into
account
· Please estimate the NPV and IRR of the Fosbuvir Project,
using the company’s WACC of 12%.
Real Option
One of your colleagues pointed out that instead of starting
construction before the FDA approval, the company can invest

only $0.8 B next year (depreciated over 10 years) and delay the
remaining $1.2 B investment (depreciated over 8 years) for two
years until the drug gets approved. Only if the drug gets
approved will Fosbeck proceed with the second stage
investment, which will take place in three years. The sales will
commence in four years at the level of $10 B with subsequent
annual growth of 50% over the next three years, after which the
sales will be stable, but due to delay the company will lose two
years of revenues. The probability of patent obsolescence
remains the same as before – 5% each year.
· What is the NPV of this two-stage investment?
Two-stage investment alternative can be evaluated by simply
calculating the NPV for two different outcomes (FDA approval
or not) and then finding the expected value. Alternatively a
Monte Carlo simulation can be used (see below). To check your
calculations look at expected NPVs found using these two
approaches - they should be nearly identical.
· Is the option to delay the project valuable? Explain.
Monte Carlo Simulation (extra credit 5%) – ATTENTION! This
part is completely optional
You want to evaluate the Fosbuvir Project using Monte Carlo
simulation (see the template) based on probability of FDA
approval in two years and patent obsolescence in each
subsequent year. You can either use Crystal Ball or you are
welcome to use any other software, including the Random Data
generator in Data Analysis Pack.
· What is the probability of a positive NPV?
· Please discuss the riskiness of the project.
Pharmaset, Inc. Acquisition
The reason of the low probability of FDA approval for Fosbuvir
is that another company, Pharmaset, Inc., is working on a
similar drug, called FosbuvirP, and is very close to getting FDA

approval and a patent. If Pharmaset gets a patent, Fosbeck’s
own application will be denied. Therefore, instead of
developing Fosbuvir internally, Fosbeck can acquire Pharmaset.
Pharmaset already has manufacturing facilities in place and
FosbuvirP is its only product. The book value of the company’s
fixed assets is $3 B, which will be depreciated using the
straight-line depreciation over the next 10 years. Pharmaset
expects to receive the FDA approval and patent by the end of
this year with sales starting next year. Its next year revenues are
expected to be $4 B ($10 B revenue in case of success times the
40% probability of success) with subsequent annual growth of
50% over the next three years (until the fourth year of sales),
after which the sales will be stable until the tenth year of sales.
After that the drug will lose the patent protection and its
manufacturing is expected to stop. The CoGS are expected to be
15% of revenues and SG&A expenses are $3.5 B a year if the
drug is produced and zero otherwise. In other words, in case of
FDA approval Pharmaset’s revenues and costs will be similar to
Fosbeck’s, but SG&A expenses will be higher. If Fosbeck were
to acquire Pharmaset, it would be able to bring SG&A costs
down to Fosbeck’s level. The probability of FDA approval is
40% and the probability of patent obsolescence remains the
same as before – 5% each year.
Mergers and Acquisitions. Target (Pharmaset) Valuation
Pharmaset’s management would be open to the sale in the
valuation range of $ 22 to 26 Billion.
· Please estimate Pharmaset’s value to Fosbeck, if it gets
acquired.
Recommendations
Upon reviewing Fosbeck’s choices, what project(s) would you
recommend?
Venture Capital Financing

Finally, to further reduce its risk Fosbeck considers keeping
acquired Pharmaset as a separate company. In this case Fosbeck
will eventually shift its R&D to Pharmaset, which will continue
as a viable business even after the initial patent expires.
Therefore, we can ignore the probability of a patent becoming
obsolete. However, if FDA approval is not received this year,
Pharmaset will go bankrupt, in which case its fixed assets will
be sold at residual book value.
A venture capital (VC) firm Menlo Ventures is willing to
provide financing of up to $5 B in acquisition of Pharmaset.
If the VC agrees to invest in Pharmaset, it plans to exit after
eight years at which time it expects that the company’s value
would be eight times its year 8 EBIT.
Menlo Ventures offers three different ways of structuring the
financing:
1. Straight common stock where the VC will not receive any
dividend for the first four years and will receive 20% of
NOPAT as a dividend for the remaining four years. The
expected tax rate for Pharmaset is 21%. In addition, the VC
will receive a 20% ownership of the company’s equity at the
end of eight years. In the case of bankruptcy 20% ownership of
the company’s equity will apply to the book value immediately
2. Redeemable convertible debt with 10% coupon rate (interest
is tax-deductible). The debt will be converted for 15%
ownership of the equity of Pharmaset at the end of eight years.
In the case of bankruptcy the debt will be immediately
redeemed at its face value or at the residual assets' book value,
whichever number is lower.
3. Redeemable preferred stock with 7.5% dividend plus warrants
for 15% of the equity for an exercise price of $150 M. In the
case of bankruptcy the debt will be immediately redeemed at its
face value or at the residual assets' book value, whichever
number is lower.
Which financing method should be selected by Fosbeck? Should
it accept Menlo Ventures offer? Explain your answer.Frequently
Asked Questions/Helpful Hints:Is it enough to submit Excel

file?
No! The deliverable outcome is your written report to the CFO.
You use Excel to support your recommendationsIs there a
minimum or maximum size of the report?
Although there is no formal minimum size of the report, it has
to address all issues raised and provide your analysis and
supporting evidence. To complete the thorough analysis
required for this assignment you will probably need 3-4 pages.
It is also a good idea to add a one-page executive summary to
your report.
Similarly, there is no maximum limit for the report, but please
avoid adding superfluous information to your report.How do I
set up Crystal Ball simulation?
Hint: use “Yes-No” distribution to create a binary (one or zero)
variable indicating project continuation each year. Make
revenues and costs dependent values of these binary
variables.How do I explain whether the option to delay the
project valuable?
Analyze the costs and benefits of making the capital investment
in two steps and delaying the project’s positive cash flows by
two years and shortening the revenue stream.Are preferred
dividends tax deductible?
No, unlike coupon payments, preferred dividends are not tax
deductible.How do I decide which financing option is better?
One approach would be to see which option is less costly from
Fosbeck’s management point of view.
�
building circles
breaking cycles
Preventing
Child Abuse

and Neglect:
The Early
Childhood
Educator’s
Role
��
The National Association
for the Education of Young
Children (NAEYC) is commit-
ted to safeguarding the well-
being of children. A national
study of almost 2,000 early
childhood professionals—
such as yourself—conducted
by NAEYC reveals that early
childhood educators feel an
overwhelming professional
and personal responsibility
to help prevent child abuse
and neglect and are willing
to take a more active part in
prevention (Olson & Hyson
2003).
NAEYC believes that all
early childhood professionals
and programs play an impor-
tant role in helping to prevent
maltreatment wherever it oc-
curs—in families, programs,
or communities.
As the nation’s largest or-
ganization of early childhood

professionals and others
dedicated to improving the
quality of early childhood pro-
grams, NAEYC is committed
to leading these prevention
efforts.
�
building circles
breaking cycles
This brochure is written for
the early childhood pro-
fessional who works with
children and families every
day. Because early care
and education programs
are a primary means by
which families with young
children connect to the
community, we educators
play a unique role in the
lives of children and fami-
lies. Through the work we
do daily, we take an active
part in preventing child
abuse and neglect and
promoting healthy social
and emotional develop-
ment in children.

�
The many sides
of abuse and neglect
Child abuse and neglect can take many
forms and have devastating effects on
children, families, and communities. The
basic definitions of maltreatment are
widely accepted (see box at right),
although every state has its own specifics.
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�
breaking the cycle
The goal of prevention is simple: stop child abuse and
neglect from happening in the first place. The best
way we can accomplish this is to support families and
provide them with the skills and resources they need
to understand and meet their child’s emotional, physi-
cal, and developmental needs.
About 60 percent of young children regularly attend
some type of early childhood program (Mulligan, Brim-
hall, & West 2005). We early childhood educators are
invaluable to those children’s families. Because of our
unique role in the lives of children and families, we
play a key part in preventing—not just reporting—child
abuse and neglect and promoting healthy social and
emotional development. As teachers, we are well
positioned to support families through our professional
knowledge, skill, and commitment. Every day our
work helps reduce children’s risk of abuse and neglect
by supporting and strengthening families.
PREvENTiNG
child abuse and neglect

�
breaking the cycle
We help support and strengthen families in our
work when we
• provide quality care and education through develop-
mentally appropriate practices
• develop reciprocal relationships with families
• recognize situations that may place children at risk of
abuse, and signs of abuse, and provide families with
appropriate support
• understand, and help families to understand and
handle, children’s challenging behaviors
• build on child and family strengths
• inform ourselves about our professional respons-
ibilities.
These are all key in reducing the risk of child abuse
and neglect.
Scope of the Problem
• About three million reports were filed in 2000, and
about 879,000 were confirmed victims of abuse or
neglect.
• Boys and girls are equally likely to experience neglect
and physical abuse. More girls than boys experience

sexual abuse.
• Children of all races and ethnicities experience child
abuse.
• Children of all ages experience abuse, but the young-
est children—under 3 years old—are most vulnerable.
• Most abuse—close to 80 percent—happens within
families.
(Goldman & Salus 2003)
�
We can help reduce the
risk of child abuse by using
six prevention strategies in
our work with children and
their families:
1. Provide quality
care and education
through develop-
mentally appropriate
practices.
2. Develop reciprocal
relationships with
families.
3. Recognize situations
that may place
children at risk of

abuse, and signs of
abuse, and provide
families with appropri-
ate support.
4. Understand, and help
families to understand
and handle, children’s
challenging behaviors.
5. Build on child and
family strengths.
6. Inform ourselves
about our professional
responsibilities.
prevention
strategies
�
1.
Providing quality care and education
�
Provide quality care and education through
developmentally appropriate practices. When we
help children develop in a high-quality, family-focused
program, we are already powerfully involved in pre-
venting harm to children. Developmentally appropriate
practices—teaching practices connected to young
children’s characteristics as individuals, as develop-

ing people, and as members of families, cultures, and
communities; and practices that provide all children
with a challenging and achievable education—are a
cornerstone of NAEYC values and philosophy. Quality
care and education strengthens families, promotes
healthy social and emotional development, and
prepares children for later school success (Copple &
Bredekamp 2009).
in practice
• Network, read, and keep up-to-date on early childhood
practice through NAEYC conferences and resources
and other professional development opportunities.
• Talk and share ideas with other educators, and par-
ticipate in program staff development activities that
reinforce high-quality, challenging, and achievable
educational practices.
• Use knowledge about each child’s strengths and chal-
lenges when planning activities.
• Place posters, images, and key resources about devel-
opmentally appropriate practices in the classroom or
program as reminders for families and staff.
�0
develop reciprocal relationships with families.
Programs can develop reciprocal relationships by
ensuring that families are welcome, respected, and
valued; included in program-related decision making;
able to access regular and frequent communication

about the child, and much more (NAEYC 2008). The
younger the child, the more important it is to learn
about and support the development of individual chil-
dren through relationships with children’s families.
Strong, reciprocal relationships are key to mini-
mizing the potential for child abuse and neglect.
By having such a relationship in place, we can
more effectively respond to signs of family stress
and provide appropriate information and/or
referrals to community services. When we com-
municate with families about difficult topics—such
as children’s challenging behaviors or possible prob-
lems at home—we provide critical support. Talking
about certain issues can be extremely uncomfortable
for both educators and parents. Communication is
much easier when a supportive, reciprocal relation-
ship is already in place.
High-quality programs go even further in building a
strong coalition. They bolster families’ social networks
by encouraging active parent involvement through a
variety of developmentally appropriate practices and
program policies.
Developing reciprocal relationships
2.
��
Talking with Families:
Words That Help
• “Let’s figure this out together.”

• “How can we help?”
• “It seems like you’re having a tough
time.”
• “There are other parents here in the
same situation as your family. Here are
some things they have tried . . . ”
in practice
• Maintain regular, ongoing contact with families through
informal chats at drop-off and pickup times, daily or
weekly notes, regular parent conferences, home visits,
e-mail, or phone calls.
• Encourage families to talk about their culture and fam-
ily traditions, their child’s strengths and challenges,
their hopes and dreams for their child.
• Ask families about how they think their children are
developing.
• Plan and invite families (including extended family
members) to program activities they can get involved in,
such as workshops, potlucks, field trips, and parties.
• Ask families on a regular basis what kind of support
they need.
��
Recognize situations that might place children
at risk of abuse, recognize signs of abuse, and

provide families with appropriate support. We
should be familiar with the risks and signs of abuse
and neglect (see box opposite) and must report
suspected abuse and neglect in accordance with
state regulations. In assessing possible neglect—the
failure to provide for a child’s basic needs—we should
recognize that a failure to provide basic necessities
may be related to poverty, or that cultural differences
may lead to misinterpretation of a family’s childrearing
practices.
We also should be able to recognize situations that
may directly or indirectly place children at risk. We
can address some risk factors directly. Children are at
risk if their parents lack understanding of child devel-
opment and knowledge of age-appropriate disciplinary
methods or knowledge of children’s health, hygiene,
and nutritional needs. We are well-positioned to help
families handle these issues in a respectful and sup-
portive way. When we share our knowledge of child
development, positive guidance, basic needs, and
more, we help strengthen families.
Poverty, domestic violence, substance abuse, and
mental illness also are risk factors. Some early child-
hood programs have professionals on staff who are
trained to handle these challenges and can access an
array of child and family services; but most programs
are not able to offer specialized early intervention
services. Families’ access to health care, housing,
income support, and other social services may help
protect children from abuse and neglect, so we should
become familiar with resources in our community and
provide information and referrals whenever appropriate.
3.
Recognizing risks and signs and providing support

��
in practice
• Become familiar with the risks and signs of child abuse
and neglect.
• Pay attention to children with sudden behavioral
changes or who display aggressive behaviors, and
work with their families and others to identify possible
causes.
• Learn more about children with disabilities, devel-
opmental delays, and special needs—and about the
challenges their families may face.
• Create a clothing closet with commonly needed items
(like hats, mittens, coats) or a food pantry with non-
perishable items and tactfully encourage the use of
these resources.
• Work with your program to develop and distribute a list
of local resources that may be helpful to families.
Recognize the Risk Factors
Recognizing risks and signs and providing support
Risk factors for child maltreatment include:
• Ongoing environmental stress, such as poverty,
financial troubles, or difficulties with relationships
• Social isolation and lack of outside support for the
family

• A family’s lack of knowledge about child develop-
ment and child rearing
• Alcohol or substance abuse in the family
• Family mental health issues—for example, depres-
sion or anxiety
• Children’s persistently aggressive or challenging
behaviors
• The challenge of caring for a child with physical,
cognitive, or emotional disabilities or chronic or
serious illness
(Goldman & Salus 2003)
��
understand and help families to understand
and handle children’s challenging behaviors.
Children’s challenging behaviors—from occa-
sional hitting and biting to prolonged tantrums
or extreme aggression—push adults’ buttons,
tax their resources, and place children at risk for
abuse and neglect.
The wide range of behaviors, from those eas-
ily and effectively addressed to those that are
persistent and unresponsive to commonly used
guidance strategies, make handling challenging
behaviors one of the hardest aspects of our job.
Just imagine how difficult this is for parents or
other family members, especially when the fam-

ily may be under other stress.
Some challenging behaviors may indicate an
underlying disability or physical, cognitive, or
emotional problem. A specialist can identify any
possible issues and work with the child and fam-
ily to address them early on.
In everyday contact with families, we should
take the opportunity to provide information and
insight on appropriate expectations for their
child’s behavior and suggest nonviolent disci-
pline techniques. We can work with parents to
develop a consistent home-school approach to
addressing the behaviors. Children and families
can benefit from our enhanced skills in this area.
4..
Handling challenging behaviors
��
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in practice
• Predictable and consistent routines and schedules
help prevent challenging behaviors. Post schedules
so children know what to expect and feel secure and
comfortable (Ostrosky et al. 2002).
• Share with families information about young children’s
development and appropriate behaviors and expec-
tations at various ages and for individual children.
Prepare periodic handouts, organize workshops, or
have NAEYC brochures available for parents (see

“Resources,” p. 22).
• Talk with families about how to handle challenging be-
haviors at home and offer appropriate suggestions.
• Provide an observation space where parents can ob-
serve their child interacting with others and learn new
guidance techniques from watching staff.
• Recommend specific actions and words families can
use when facing challenging behaviors (for example,
ignore tantrums if the child is not hurting herself or
others; tell a child who is hitting, “Use your words—do
not hit”).
��
5.
Building on strengths
Build on child and family strengths. All children and
their families have strengths. As educators we natu-
rally build on these assets and are well positioned to
do so. Good peer relationships, coping skills, self-
esteem, social skills, and internal locus of control are
all strengths that help protect children and that we
can help build—and let parents know about when we
see them in their child. We help protect children from
harm when we promote these social and emotional
skills in children. Other strengths that protect children
from maltreatment include:
• Parental resilience—The ability to cope and
bounce back from all types of challenges

• social connections—Friends, family members,
neighbors, and other members of a community who
provide emotional support and concrete assistance
to parents
• Knowledge of parenting and child develop-
ment—Accurate information about raising young
children and appropriate expectations for their
behavior
• concrete support in times of need—Financial
security to cover day-to-day expenses and unex-
pected costs that come up from time to time, access
to formal and informal support systems.
(Center for the Study of Social Policy 2008)
��
in practice
• Use children’s books in the classroom to
support healthy social and emotional skills
such as making friends and identifying and
expressing feelings. (Find ideas at www.
vanderbilt.edu/csefel/practicalstrategies.
html#booknook.)
• Build social networks by providing opportu-
nities for families to connect with program
staff and each other. Dinner Chats, Stay &
Play afternoons, and other events help to
create an atmosphere of support and trust
(Olson 2007).

• Praise the things you admire in the family
and child: “You all have been having a rough
time lately; I really admire the way you are
coping.” “Robert’s curiosity about everything
is so wonderful—you must be doing a great
job of encouraging him at home.”
��
��
inform yourself about your professional responsi-
bilities. NAEYC’s Code of Ethical Conduct and State-
ment of Commitment (2005), NAEYC Early Childhood
Program Standards and Accreditation Criteria (www.
naeyc.org/academy/standards), the 2009 edition of
Developmentally Appropriate Practice in Early Child-
hood Programs Serving Children from Birth through
Age 8, standards for professional preparation, and
other important NAEYC resources, all define early
childhood educators’ legal and ethical responsibilities
regarding child protection. They also underscore the
importance of reciprocal relationships with families in
both quality early childhood programs and individual
educators’ core competencies. Some publications are
listed in the References and Resources (pp. 22–23);
others are available in print or online: www.naeyc.org.
in practice
• Learn your responsibilities as an educator in prevent-
ing and reporting child abuse.

• Know your state and local child protection laws and
share them with families in a natural, nonthreatening
way as part of your program’s policies.
• Regularly attend workshops and conferences, such as
NAEYC’s Annual Conference and National Institute for
Early Childhod Professional Development, to stay up-
to-date on professional responsibilities and ethics.
6.
Keep yourself informed
��
Reporting
Child Abuse
As early childhood educa-
tors, we are mandated by
law to report suspicions
of child abuse or neglect
wherever it occurs—in fami-
lies, programs, or the com-
munity. Reporting suspec-
ted abuse can protect the
child and secure help for
the family. Contact your lo-
cal child protective services
(CPS) or law enforcement
agency so other profes-
sionals can assess the situ-
ation.
For more information
about where and how to

file a report, talk to your pro-
gram administrator or call
Childhelp USA®, National
Child Abuse Hotline (800-
4-A-CHILD®). The Childhelp
hotline is staffed 24 hours
a day, seven days a week,
by professional crisis coun-
selors who have access to
a database of emergency,
social service, and support
resources.
�0
Stay involved and
help more children
Every day, without a doubt, our work helps prevent
child abuse and neglect. But we can take an even
more active part in preventing child maltreatment. We
can further our commitment to children and families
by taking advantage of the following opportunities.
Join the nation’s largest professional associa-
tion of early childhood educators. As a member of
NAEYC, you receive numerous benefits and opportu-
nities to work with colleagues with similar commitment
and concerns through Interest Forums, Affiliates, and
more. NAEYC membership information is available
online at www.naeyc.org/membership.
Become a champion for children and their fami-
lies. NAEYC encourages advocacy for high-quality

care and education and adequate, effective communi-
ty support services. The organization also encourages
the early childhood community to speak out against
community and domestic violence and child abuse
and neglect. Go online to NAEYC’s Children’s Cham-
pions at www.naeyc.org/childrens_champions to learn
more about federal and state policies and legislation,
sign up to receive Action Alerts on important issues,
communicate with members of Congress or the me-
dia, and more. State or local NAEYC Affiliates provide
other advocacy opportunities in your community.
take charge of your own professional develop-
ment. The more we know about child development,
family relationships, challenging behaviors, healthy
social and emotional development, violence preven-
tion, and the complexities of child abuse and neglect,
expanding the cIRcle
��
the more we can share our knowledge and use our
skills with families and children to protect children from
harm and promote healthy development. Regularly
visit www.naeyc.org for information about NAEYC’s
Annual Conference, National Institute for Early
Childhood Professional Development, and Affiliate-
sponsored conferences; and many other professional
development opportunities and resources.
share this information with colleagues. Use this
brochure to identify and acknowledge the ways you
and your colleagues help to prevent child abuse and

neglect every day. Discuss what else you can do to
prevent abuse and neglect. How can we help one
another use our professional knowledge and skills to
support families and children?
We make a difference in the lives of children every
day. Let’s use these ideas and resources to enable us
to do even more to promote children’s healthy social
and emotional development and prevent child abuse
and neglect.
expanding the cIRcle
��
References
Copple, C., & S. Bredekamp, eds.
2009. Developmentally appropri-
ate practice in early childhood
programs serving children from
birth through age 8. 3rd ed. Wash-
ington, DC: NAEYC.
Center for the Study of Social Policy.
2008. The five protective factors.
Strengthening Families through
Early Care and Education. www.
strengtheningfamilies.net/index.
php/main_pages/protective_
factors
CSEFEL (Center on the Social and
Emotional Foundations for Early

Learning). 2008. Practical strate-
gies: Book Nook—Using books to
support social emotional develop-
ment. www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel/
practicalstrategies.html#booknook
Family Support Network. 2002. Child
abuse and neglect. www.family-
support.org/Abuse.cfm.
Goldman, J., & M.K. Salus, with
Kennedy. 2003. A coordinated re-
sponse to child abuse and neglect:
The foundation for practice. Child
Abuse and Neglect User Manual
Series. Washington, DC: U.S.
Department of Health and Hu-
man Services. www.childwelfare.
gov/pubs/usermanuals/foundation/
foundation.pdf
Mulligan, G.M., D. Brimhall, & J.
West. 2005. Child care and early
education arrangements of in-
fants, toddlers, and preschoolers:
2001. (NCES 2006-039). U.S.
Department of Education, National
Center for Education Statistics.
Washington, DC: U.S. Govern-
ment Printing Office. www.nces.
ed/gov/pubs2006/2006039.pdf
NAEYC. 1996. Position State-
ment: Prevention of child abuse
in early childhood programs and
the responsibilities of early child-

hood professionals to prevent child
abuse. www.naeyc.org/resources/
position_statements/pschab98.pdf
NAEYC. 2005. Code of ethical
conduct and statement of commit-
ment. www.naeyc.org/about/posi-
tions/ethical_conduct.asp
NAEYC. 2008. Standard 7: Families
and Standard 8: Community Rela-
tions: A guide to the NAEYC Early
Childhood Program Standards
and related accreditation criteria.
Washington, DC: Author.
Olson, M. 2007. Strengthening
families: Community strategies
that work. Young Children 62 (2):
26–32. www.journal.naeyc.org/
btj/200703/pdf/btjOlson.pdf
Olson, M., & M. Hyson. 2003. Early
childhood educators and child
abuse prevention. Booklet. Wash-
ington, DC: NAEYC.
Ostrosky, M., E.Y. Jung, M.L. Hem-
meter, & D. Thomas. 2002. Helping
children understand routines and
classroom schedules. What Works,
Brief No. 3. Brochure. www.csefel.
uiuc.edu/briefs/wwb3.html
Resources
The following print and

video resources can help
you prevent child abuse
and neglect by promot-
ing healthy social and
emotional development,
developing reciprocal re-
lationships with families,
handling challenging be-
haviors, and more. They
and other relevant re -
sources are available from
NAEYC’s online catalog
at www.naeyc.org/shop-
pingcart.
aBuse and neglect
Make a Difference: Report
Child Abuse and Neglect,
video, by NAEYC, 1996.
Various professionals dis-
cuss what to do if abuse is
suspected, the indicators
of abuse/neglect, and the
impact on society.
PRomoting healthy
social and emotional
develoPment
Riley, D., R. San Juan, &
J. Klinkner. 2007. Social
and Emotional Develop-
ment: Connecting Science
and Practice in Early Child-
hood Settings. St. Paul, MN:

Redleaf Press. Why are
practices in the social and
emotional domains so im-
portant for children’s learn-
ing and development? How
can we explain our choices?
This book answers these
questions by examining the
rationale and research base
for best practices.
Bowman, B., & E.K. Moore.
2005. School Readiness
and Social-Emotional De-
velopment: Perspective on
Cultural Diversity. Wash-
ington, DC: National Black
Child Development Institute.
This collection of seven com-
missioned papers summa-
rizes an NBCDI study of the
current state of research
and programs addressing
preschoolers’ social-emo-
tional development, looking
at issues from a multicultural
perspective.
��
��
Gartrell, D. 2004.The Power of
Guidance: Teaching Social-

Emotional Skills in Early Child-
hood Classrooms. Florence,
KY: Delmar Cengage Learning.
Shows teachers how to help
children develop lifelong skills
such as mutual acceptance
and cooperation, creative and
peaceful problem-solving strat-
egies, and acceptable ways to
express difficult emotions.
Hyson, M. 2004.The Emotional
Development of Young Children:
Building an Emotion-Centered
Curriculum, 2nd ed. New York:
Teachers College Press. Pro-
vides educators with real-life
examples of evidence-based
teaching strategies to advance
children’s understanding and
appropriate expression of their
emotions. Gives relevant devel-
opments in standards, policies,
and programs.
Honig, A. 2002. Secure Relation-
ships: Nurturing Infant/Toddler
Attachment in Early Care Set-
tings. Washington, DC: NAEYC.
For healthy adjustment, infants
and toddlers need secure at-
tachments to adults who provide
loving, responsive, and consis-
tent care. Sound advice for both
caregivers and parents.

Katz, L., & D. McClellan. 1997.
Fostering Children’s Social Com-
petence: The Teacher’s Role.
Washington, DC: NAEYC. Sug-
gests principles and strategies
to guide teachers in strength-
ening children’s social skills.
Authoritative and accessible.
ReciPRocal Relation-
shiPs with families
Keyser, J. 2006. From Parents
to Partners: Building a Family-
Centered Early Childhood Pro-
gram. St. Paul. MN: Redleaf
Press; Washington, DC: NAEYC.
This comprehensive guide, with
interactive and hands-on exer-
cises, describes proven com-
munication strategies to encour-
age the involvement of family
members.
NAEYC. 2008. Standard 7: Fami-
lies and Standard 8: Community
Relationships: A Guide to the
NAEYC Early Childhood Pro-
gram Standards and Related
Accreditation Criteria. Wash-
ington, DC: Author. This guide
to NAEYC Program Standard
7: Families and Standard 8:
Community Relationships out-
lines a broad research- and

evidence-based consensus on
how early childhood programs
should relate to families and
their communities.
Baker, A.C., & L.A. Manfredi-
Petitt. 2004. Relationships,
the Heart of Quality Care.
Washington, DC: NAEYC. The
book describes this concept of
relationship-based care, what
understandings and attitudes
support such care, and the
policies required to enact it in
a center setting.
Koralek, D., ed. Spotlight on
Young Children and Families.
2007. This collection of articles
from Young Children and Be-
yond the Journal addresses
such topics as family involve-
ment, sharing the care of in-
fants and toddlers, and helping
to support learning at home.
challenging BehavioRs/
BehavioR management
Kaiser, B., & J.S. Rasminsky.
2006. Challenging Behavior in
Young Children: Understand-
ing, Preventing, and Respond-
ing Effectively. 2nd ed. Boston:
Allyn & Bacon. This invaluable
resource provides strategies

for addressing challenging be-
haviors and in-depth explana-
tions of the research on which
they are based. Winner of the
2007 Texty Award for textbook
excellence at the college level
in education curriculum.
Kaiser, B., & J.S. Rasminsky.
1999. Meeting the Challenge:
Effective Strategies for Chal-
lenging Behaviors in Early
Childhood Environments. Ot-
tawa, ON: Canadian Childcare
Federation. A lifeline that offers
easily understandable strate-
gies proven to work and benefit
every child.
��
For more than 80 years NAEYC has been leading
efforts to promote high-quality early care and educa-
tion for all children from birth through age 8. This
brochure is part of Supporting Teachers, Strengthen-
ing Families, an initiative to expand NAEYC’s efforts
to help early childhood professionals and families
prevent child abuse and neglect and achieve the best
possible social and emotional outcomes for all chil-
dren. For more information about Supporting Teach-
ers, Strengthening Families, child abuse prevention
resources and materials, and NAEYC, go to
www.naeyc.org/ece/supporting/default.asp.

Supporting Teachers, Strengthening Families
is generously supported by the Doris Duke
Charitable Foundation. Additional support for
this brochure was provided by the Center on the
Social and Emotional Foundations for Early
Learning; information and resources are available at
www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel.
Download the online discussion guide for more
suggestions about using this brochure, available at
www.naecy.org/ece/pdf/discussionguide.pdf.
This brochure is available in Spanish online at
www.naeyc.org/ece/pdf/DukeEsp.pdf
national association for the education
of young children
1313 l street, nw, suite 500
washington, dc 20005-4101
www.naeyc.org
naeyc
NAEYC order #DD2 Copyright © 2008 NAEYC
PPrroommoottiinngg EEffffeeccttiivvee
aanndd NNuurrttuurriinngg PPaarreennttiinngg
Effective parenting and nurturing familial relationships lay the
foundation for
healthy children and a stable and productive society. Families
need to be
supported by policies and services that ensure that children live

in nurturing
and safe environments free from abuse and neglect, thereby
enabling children
to reach their full potential.
PCA America supports public policies that promote effective
parenting and that
reinforce parents’ aspirations to raise their children in loving,
supportive, and
healthy homes.
Prevent Child Abuse America Advocates for:
�� Increasing funding for family support programs and other
necessary
supports so that they can be established in all communities and
made
available to all families. Research indicates that children in at-
risk families
that receive support services are more likely to receive
appropriate medical
care including immunizations and have fewer emergency room
visits than
families that do not receive such services.
1
Children whose parents receive
appropriate support services are also likely to be on track
developmentally and
to live in homes where their parents consciously work to
provide a nurturing and
educationally stimulating environment.
2
Moreover, parents who receive support

services are more likely to develop a secure attachment
relationship with their
young child.
3
Such services include:
�� Home visiting services where trained home visitors work
with parents
to build on their existing strengths and minimize potentially
harmful
behavior. Home visitors educate parents about interacting with
their
child, help parents understand their child’s capabilities at each
developmental stage, and teach parents positive forms of
discipline.
Home visitors also help parents build a strong parent-child
relationship
and develop skills to increase their sensitivity and
responsiveness to
their children. Finally, home visiting helps families become
self-sufficient
by helping parents set goals and linking parents to other
services.
�� Mutual self-help parent support groups that offer caregivers
the
opportunity to participate in weekly meetings where parents talk
about
the challenges and successes they have experienced raising
children,
and help reduce isolation and stress while increasing self-
esteem and
parenting competency.

4
�� Resources promoting a nurturing, secure, and trusting
relationship
between parent and young child.
�� Quality substance abuse treatment services and domestic
violence programs.
�� Education outlining reasonable expectations of children’s
developmental stages.
�� Strategies for dealing with challenging child behavior such
as tantrums or the disregard of parents’ wishes.
Prevent Child Abuse America
200 South Michigan Avenue
17th Floor
Chicago, IL 60604.2404
312.663.3520
www.preventchildabuse.org
© 2005 PCA America
�� Strategies encouraging positive behaviors in children.
�� Resources aiding a child’s mental development and
emotional
competency, such as quality early education programs.

�� Information about child health, nutrition, and safety.
�� Affordable quality childcare and respite care.
�� Affordable quality healthcare, including prenatal and
mental
health services.
�� Affordable and safe housing.
�� Services that address the special needs of teen parents such
as
programs that help such parents successfully finish school while
lovingly
and effectively raising their children.
�� Family resource centers that serve as gathering places for
families
within communities to share the joys and struggles of parenting,
help
improve service access, build community, and foster informal
problem solving.
No one family support program provides families with all the
tools they need
to foster safe and healthy environments for children. Each
community, therefore,
must provide an array of support services so that every parent
and each family
has access to the supports they need. Such services must
include an appropri-
ate mix of parent education and parent support programs,
ensuring that
parents receive the information as well as supportive attention
they need.

�� Raising the value of parenthood among members of our
society so
that voters and communities agree that such services are worthy
of funding.
The benefits of promoting and supporting positive parenting
practices reach
far beyond the realm of preventing child abuse and neglect.
Confident,
knowledgeable and prepared parents form the foundations for
families
in which children are safer, healthier and better prepared to
learn.
�� Conducting research to understand the best ways to reach
parents
and the public with messages underscoring the importance of
family
support programs.
Background
Most parents want to provide the best for their children, but
often lack the
resources and knowledge to easily do so. We, as a society,
have a responsibili-
ty to help parents surmount the challenges that inhibit effective
parenting
because effective parenting is essential for stable families, and
healthy and sta-
ble families help lay the foundation for a healthy society.
An indispensable component of a healthy and stable home is
freedom from child
abuse and neglect. Child maltreatment rarely stems from
unloving or deliberate-

ly bad parenting, but rather from a lack of preparation for, or
knowledge of, criti-
cal challenges surrounding parenting.
17th Floor
312.663.3520
© 2005 PCA America
Parents face an array of challenges in their efforts to provide
the best possible
situation for their children. Given the mobility of American
society, many parents
are apart from the family and friends whom they might
otherwise rely on for
child-rearing help. In addition, many parents are wary of
seeking assistance or
advice with regard to their parenting out of fear that their lack
of knowledge may
reflect badly on them as caregivers.
Moreover, parents may lack an understanding of their children’s
developmental
stages and may hold unreasonable expectations of their abilities.
They may also

be unaware of alternative means of discipline to corporal
punishment, or how to
effectively discipline or manage their child’s behaviors in age-
appropriate ways.
Parents may also lack knowledge of health, hygiene, and
nutritional needs of
their children.
Finally, many communities lack appropriate support services for
parents who
wish to take steps to improve their parenting. These barriers to
support and
knowledge, which are reinforced by the inherent challenges of
caring for children,
can lead to situations in which overwhelmed, upset or confused
parents inflict
physical or emotional abuse on their children, or neglect their
children’s needs.
Additional Resources
1 “Healthy Families America Helps Ensure Healthy Child
Development”.
Healthy Families America Research Folder.
2 “Healthy Families America Helps Ensure Healthy Child
Development”.
3 “Healthy Families America Promotes Positive Parenting”.
4 Parent Mutual Self-help Support Programs brochure. Prevent
Child Abuse America.

17th Floor
312.663.3520
© 2005 PCA America
Linda L. Baker • Alison J. Cunningham
SUPPORTING WOMAN
ABUSE SURVIVORS
AS MOTHERS
Copies of this resource can be downloaded at no cost, in
English and French, from: www.lfcc.on.ca
You can order hard copies for the cost of printing and shipping.
Contact the Centre by mail: Centre for Children & Families in
the Justice System
200 - 254 Pall Mall St.
LONDON ON N6A 5P6 CANADA
... or by e-mail: [email protected]
... or by telephone: (519) 679-7250 ext. 206
The support of the Government of Ontario, through the Ontario

Women’s Directorate, is gratefully
acknowledged.
The views expressed herein are those of the Centre for Children
& Families in the Justice System and
do not necessarily reflect those of the Ontario Women’s
Directorate or the Government of Ontario.
Advisory Committee:
We gratefully acknowledge the guidance and input of our
Advisory Committee:
Zina Abukhater Middlesex-London Health Unit
Dan Ashbourne Centre for Children & Families in the Justice
System
Mandy Bonisteel George Brown College
Derrick Drouillard Children’s Aid Society of London &
Middlesex
Michelle Hansen Women's Shelter, Second Stage Housing
and Counselling Services of Huron
Anne Hodge Maison d’amitié
Janet Izumi Middlesex-London Health Unit
Tim Kelly Changing Ways (London) Inc.
Meg Lewis Ontario Association of Children’s Aid Societies
Sherri Mackay Centre for Addiction and Mental Health

Bina Osthoff Victim Witness Assistance Program, Ministry of
the Attorney General
Darlene Ritchie At^lohsa Native Family Healing Services
Kate Wiggins Women’s Community House
We thank also staff of the following agencies for their helpful
comments during the review process:
Madame Vanier Children’s Services, Merrrymount Children’s
Centre, Western Area Youth Services,
Women’s Community House, Women’s Rural Resource Centre,
and the Zhaawanong Shelter.
Special thanks go to Anna and Itrat who provided comments
from a consumer’s point of view.
On the Web: Hot Links to organizations and resources listed in
this document are at
www.lfcc.on.ca/mothers.html
Authors: Linda L. Baker, Ph.D. C.Psych. & Alison J.
Cunningham, M.A.(Crim.)
Graphic Design: Tempo Graphics Inc.
The content of this resource cannot be reproduced for
publication without the written permission of the Centre for
Children &
Families in the Justice System. However, we encourage
duplication and distribution of material for interventions with
women, with
acknowledgement of the source.
© 2004 Centre for Children & Families in the Justice System,
London Family Court Clinic, Inc.

ISBN 1-895953-26-X
Disponible aussi en français: visitez www.lfcc.on.ca/meres.html
HELPING CHILDREN THRIVE :
SUPPORTING WOMAN ABUSE SURVIVORS AS MOTHERS
Helping Children Thrive © Centre for Children and Families in
the Justice System 2004 1
For Service Providers
How to Use This Resource . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
Working with Abused Women: Assumptions & Values . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
10 Principles of Service Delivery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Characteristics of Abusive Men . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Positive Messages for Mothers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Advocacy Wheel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
The Needs of Abused Women as Mothers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
Working with Mothers in Shelters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Working with Women on Farms or in Rural or Remote Areas . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Working with Aboriginal Women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Working with Women New to Canada . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
How Abusive Men Parent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
How Abusive Men Affect Family Dynamics . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
Effects of Power & Control Tactics on a Mother . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
Roles Children may Assume When Woman Abuse Occurs . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
Why the “Everyday Essentials” for Parenting are Important for
Children
who Lived with Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
Survival Strategies of Children & Teenagers . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
Potential Impact of Violence on Children of Different Ages . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
Taking Care of Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
Knowing When to Report Child Maltreatment . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74
Additional Resources. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75
For Women
Power and Control Wheel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
Staying Safe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
Helping Your Children Stay Safe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
You Know what you Need: Ask for it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
You Know what your Children Need: Ask for it . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
The Abuse of Children Wheel & The Nurturing Children Wheel
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
How an Abusive Partner can Affect you as a Mother . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
“Everyday Essentials:” Top Ten Tips for Parents . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
Lessons Children can Learn from Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
10 Things I Can Do: Using the “Everyday Essentials” at Home .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
Choosing Non-negotiable Rules in our Family: R.S.V.P. . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
What I Learned from my Parents About Being a Parent . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
How my Child or Teen Copes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
Books to Read with my Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
You and Your Baby or Toddler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
You and Your Pre-schooler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
You and Your School-aged Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
You and Your Teenager . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
Life with a Teenager: Some Survival Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
10 Basic Points of Good Discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
Two Exercises to Practise: “Clean up your room!” and
“Negotiating a Curfew” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
Healing and Strengthening the Mother/Child Bond . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
Navigating Children’s Contact with their Father . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
When Children Act Abusively in Your Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
When you Need More Support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70
When your Child Needs More Support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71
Taking Care of Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73
References Cited . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . back cover
INDEX
the Justice System 20042
WHO might be assisted by the information in this resource?
• mothers transitioning from abusive relationships
• mothers concerned about how violence may have affected their
children
WHAT is addressed here?
• general parenting guidance about children of all ages
• specific parenting guidance for families impacted by woman
abuse
WHERE might this resource be used?
• Ontario agencies where services are provided to women and/or
children
WHEN is this material likely to be helpful?
• the family is in a safe place to begin healing and moving
forward

• women are accessing advocacy and other support to meet their
needs
• they ask for information on parenting, perhaps to deal with
challenging
behaviours in a child
WHY is support for parenting important?
• parenting is the most important job we have
• families in transition away from violence can require extra
support
and guidance
• parenting in the context of family violence has unique
features, such
as navigating custody and access with an abusive ex-partner
HOW can I use this resource?
• in individual work with a woman, tailored to her needs
• or in a group format, perhaps in conjunction with material on
other topics or
integrated into an existing program
Key Features:
• designed to be flexible (e.g., use for group or individual work)
• has 44 pages suitable for photocopying as handouts
• companion web page: www.lfcc.on.ca/mothers.html
• references to additional resources easily accessible (e.g., on
the Internet)

HOW TO USE THIS RESOURCE
The material in this resource can augment the parenting
components of
interventions with abused women. It also aims to increase
relevance and sensitivity
about the dynamics of woman abuse in the delivery of parenting
interventions.
Safety takes priority. Help with parenting is relevant only after
safety is addressed. If a woman or children are not safe, help
them
access the appropriate services in your community.
This resource has a companion web page for downloading the
resource itself,
printing individual pages, and accessing web-based resources
mentioned here.
Handouts for Women
44 pages are written for women, as handouts or exercises in
group or one-on-one
interventions. Other pages may be distributed to a woman if
relevant for her.
Photocopy pages as needed or download them from our website.
Modality of Intervention
• as guided self-study for women, with the support of an
advocate or worker

• as information to support a one-on-one intervention for woman
abuse
• as resource material for a group-based parenting program
• as background information to support a one-on-one parenting
intervention
While the words “men” and “fathers” are used, most concepts
apply to abusive same-sex relationships.
Pages designed as handouts for women are labelled
“for Women”. The others are written as background material
for service providers.
The companion web page is at www.lfcc.on.ca/mothers.html
(English) or www.lfcc.on.ca/meres.html (French)
Many of the resources listed in this document are available at
no
cost on the Internet. Help women find the information they
need
from the Internet or help them find a place, such as a public
library, with free Internet access.
How we assist women reflects our values and assumptions about
parenting, woman abuse, and service provision.
Parenting is...
• the most important role we play in life

• a learned behaviour: no parent is perfect but we can become
the best parent
we can be
• primarily the responsibility of mothers when fathers are absent
and/or abusive
• never to involve corporal punishment as discipline
• the best way to promote healing and health in children who
lived with violence
Woman Abuse is...
• a pattern of coercive behaviour used to maintain control over
a partner
• physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse, enforced social
isolation
and intimidation
• a learned behaviour
• never justified by the behaviour of the victim
• never caused by anger, stress, drugs/alcohol, or external
factors or pressures
• always the responsibility of the perpetrator
• found in all age, cultural, socio-economic, educational, and
religious groups
• not healthy for the children who live with it
• a factor that puts children at risk for physical maltreatment

themselves
Services are...
• premised on safety as the first priority
• non-judgmental, respectful, encouraging, and only
appropriately challenging
• individualized to a woman’s unique needs and desired pace of
change
• an opportunity to model respect, positive female roles, and
empathy
• based on the themes of triumph and survival rather than a
victim status
• respectful of a woman’s culture and religion
• ideally delivered in a language with which the woman feels
comfortable
Every person holds a set of beliefs about violence, parenting,
and service provision.
If your beliefs conflict with these assumptions, discuss them
with a supervisor.
Service providers using this resource should feel comfortable
with these assumptions.
WORKING WITH ABUSED WOMEN: ASSUMPTIONS &
VALUES

Essential principles of good practice for working with survivors
of woman abuse are:
• Client-centred services: focus on the needs of women and their
empowerment
• Safety: the primary objective is to promote the safety of
women and their
children
• Service practices should not minimise or deny the
responsibility of violent men
• Knowledge and understanding of domestic violence: service
providers
should understand the complexity of the issues – including
impact – and be
able to assess risk, assist women to develop safety plans,
identify controlling
behaviours, appropriately address women’s feelings of self-
blame and
responsibility, and understand which behaviours are criminal
• Accessibility and relevance: consider the diversity of women –
race, class,
age, sexuality, abilities and culture – who might access the
service and work
toward eliminating barriers that discriminate, prevent or inhibit
access
• Needs of children: the impact on children should be
understood and, where
appropriate, services or referrals offered. It is also important to
understand

the ‘duty to report’ child maltreatment
• Confidentiality and privacy: confidentiality and agency
requirements about
sharing of information with other agencies must be understood.
Women must
be advised of any limits on confidentiality (e.g., court
subpoenas)
• Inter-agency cooperation and consultation: cooperation among
agencies
achieves the best outcomes for women. Where partners or ex-
partners are
in perpetrator programs, inter-agency liaison is encouraged so
safety,
confidentiality and privacy are ensured
• Training, education and supervision: on-going training and
professional
development is part of a commitment to working with survivors
of violence
• Evaluation: measure, and report to stakeholders, the outcomes
of service
Also see the Advocacy Wheel on page 9.
10 PRINCIPLES OF SERVICE DELIVERY 12
Control The "overarching behavioural characteristic" achieved
with

criticism, verbal abuse, financial control, isolation, cruelty, etc.
(see Power & Control Wheel, page 7). May deepen over time
or escalate if a woman seeks independence (e.g. going to
school).
Entitlement The "overarching attitudinal characteristic" of
abusive men, a
belief in having special rights without responsibilities,
justifying
unreasonable expectations (e.g., family life must centre on his
needs). He will feel the wronged party when his needs are
not met and justify violence as self-defence.
Selfishness An expectation of being the centre of attention,
having his
& Self-centredness needs anticipated. May not support or listen
to others.
Superiority Contempt for woman as stupid, unworthy, a sex-
object or as
a housekeeper.
Possessiveness Seeing a woman and his children as property.
Confusing Love Explaining violence as an expression of his
deep love.
& Abuse
Manipulativeness A tactic of confusion, distortion and lies. May
project image of
himself as good, and portray the woman as crazy or abusive.
Contradictory Saying one thing and doing another, such as
being publicly
Statements & critical of men who abuse women.
Behaviours

Externalization of Shifting blame for his actions and their
effects to others,
Responsibility especially the woman, or to external factors such
as
job stress.
Denial, Refusing to acknowledge abusive behaviour (e.g. she
fell),
Minimization, & not acknowledging the seriousness of his
behaviour and its
Victim Blaming effects (e.g., it’s just a scratch), blaming the
victim (e.g., she
drove me to it; she made it up because I have a new
girlfriend).
Serial Battering Some men are abusive in relationship after
relationship.
Some men can exhibit some or all of these characteristics
and never physically assault a woman
CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSIVE MEN 3
for
Women
7

This model helps some women put names to the behaviour of an
abusive partner.
Developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202
East Superior St., Duluth MN 55802
(For the Equality Wheel, see www.duluth-model.org and click
on "wheel gallery")
A Lesbian/Gay Power & Control Wheel is available for
download from
the National Center on Domestic & Sexual Violence
(www.ncdsv.org)
POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL
PH
YS
ICA
L VIOLENCE SEXUAL
POWER
AND
CONTROL
PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
SE
XU
AL
Using COERCION
and THREATS

• making and/or threats to
do something to hurt her
• threatening to leave her, to
commit suicide, report her
to welfare
• making her drop charges
• making her do
illegal things
Using
INTIMIDATION
• making her afraid by using
looks, actions, gestures
• smashing things,
destroying her property
• abusing pets
• displaying weapons
Using ISOLATION
• controlling what she does, who she
sees and talks to, what she reads,
where she goes
• limiting her outside involvement
• using jealousy to justify actions
Using
EMOTIONAL
ABUSE
• putting her down
• making her feel bad about herself
• calling her names
• making her think she's crazy
• playing mind games
• humiliating her
• making her feel guilty

Using
CHILDREN
• making her feel guilty
about the children
• using the children to
relay messages
MINIMIZING,
DENYING and
BLAMING
• making light of the abuse and not
taking her concerns about it seriously
• saying the abuse didn't happen
• shifting responsibility for abusive
behavior
• saying she caused it
Using
MALE PRIVILEGE
• treating her like a servant
• making all the big decisions
• acting like the master of the castle
• being the one to define men’s
and women’s roles
Using
ECONOMIC
ABUSE
• preventing her from getting
or keeping a job
• making her ask for money
• giving her an allowance
• taking her money
• not letting her know about or
have access to family income

When working with women, who may lack confidence as
mothers,
find occasions to communicate some positive messages...
... about being a mother
• there are no perfect mothers: we all have strengths and
weaknesses
as parents
• mothers can change the lives of their children for the better
• single parents can be good parents too
• mothers can be good role models for boys
• learning to be a parent is a life-long process
• stopping exposure to violence was the best thing you could do
for your children
• there are people to help if you need it
• you can make up for lost time: start today
• you can model and teach non-violent problem solving,
attitudes, and behaviour
... about children who have lived with violence
• most psychological "problems" in children diminish once the

violence stops
• research shows that most children who lived with violence in
the past
are functioning normally from a psychological point of view
• living with violence as a child is not a "life sentence" for a
bad future
• children are resilient and can thrive
• not all children need professional treatment to overcome the
effects
of violence: there is a lot a mother can do to help her children
POSITIVE MESSAGES FOR MOTHERS
This model, sometimes called the Empowerment Wheel,
illustrates
basic principles guiding intervention with abused women.
Developed by the Domestic Violence Project, Inc., 3556 7th
Ave., Kenosha WI 53140
ADVOCACY WHEEL
ADVOCACY
RESPECT
CONFIDENTIALITY...

All discussions must occur in private,
without family members present.
This is essential to building
trust and ensuring
her safety.PROMOTE
ACCESS TO
COMMUNITY SERVICES...
Know the resources in your
community. Is there a hotline and
shelter for battered women?
HELP HER PLAN
FOR FUTURE SAFETY...
What has she tried in the
past to keep herself safe?
Is it working? Does she
have a place to go
if she needs
to escape? RESPECT HER
AUTONOMY...
Respect her right to make decisions
in her own life, when she is ready.
She is the expert in her life.
ACKNOWLEDGE
INJUSTICE...

The violence perpetrated
against her is not her fault.
No one deserves to
be abused.
BELIEVE AND
VALIDATE HER
EXPERIENCES...
Listen to her and believe her.
Acknowledge her feelings and
let her know she is not alone.
Many women have similar
experiences.
After a separation, you still need a safety plan.
Now that you are separated...
• update your personal safety plan or find an advocate to help
you make
a personal safety plan
• get legal advice about child custody, child support, property
division, and
(if needed) protection orders such as peace bonds and
restraining orders
• find and use as many support resources and people to help as

you can
Some things you could do at home...
• change your locks, add a stronger lock, install a peep hole
• tell your landlord and/or neighbours your ex-partner does not
live there
and should not be hanging around
• put 9-1-1 on the speed dial and teach your children how and
when to use it
• ask a trusted neighbour to call 9-1-1 if suspicious sounds
come from your place
Remember...
• stalking is against the law: it is called “criminal harassment”
• The Lawyer Referral Service can help you find a local lawyer.
Their line
for victims of woman abuse in crisis (in a shelter, hospital or
living with an
abuser) is 1-800-268-8326 / (416) 947-3330.
• the Ontario Women’s Directorate web site has many useful
links under
“Help for Assaulted Women” at
www.ontariowomensdirectorate.gov.on.ca
• there is no “statute of limitations” on most crimes in Canada:
you can report to
the police any crime committed against you in the past
With access to the Internet, you can make your own safety plan
at
this site: www.shelternet.ca

Follow the link called “Make a Safety Plan”
Find services in your area of Ontario by calling the Assaulted
Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-0511 or in the GTA (416) 863-
0511
or TTY at 1-866-863-7868
What is a safety plan?
A list of ways to protect yourself, including how to leave your
home
quickly and safely if in danger.
Most public libraries provide free access to the Internet.
If using the Internet at home, read the page called “Hide Your
Internet Activities” at www.shelternet.ca.
STAYING SAFE
for
Women
for
Women
11
You can help children make a safety plan suited to their ages.

Some measures to consider...
• immediately start a motion in the Family Court for custody of
the children
(do this even if you were not married)
• whatever the custody arrangements (i.e., interim custody,
custody, joint
custody), carry the papers with you at all times
• give the school a copy of the custody documents and ask to
remove your
ex-partner from the list of people approved to pick up children
• give the school a picture of your ex-partner and clear
instructions about
who can and cannot pick up the children (including members of
his family
if that is true)
• help children make their own safety plan
Important messages to give children...
• it is not a child’s responsibility to keep a mother safe
• “I will do everything in my power to keep you safe”
• when adults fight, it is an adult problem and adults need to fix
it
The Kids Help Phone is a place where children and teenagers
can call to speak with someone privately and anonymously
about
personal problems or to ask questions. It operates 24-hours a
day.

The number for kids is 1-800-668-6868
They also have a Parent Help Line: 1-888-603-9100
* ShelterNet has activities and information for children:
www.shelternet.ca
* teenagers may also find helpful information including
how to make a safety plan at www.burstingthebubble.com
* if your daughter is in an abusive relationship, visit
“When Love Hurts” at www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/
HELPING YOUR CHILDREN STAY SAFE
A mother may ask for assistance with issues such as...
• physical safety and/or safety planning for herself and her
children
• information about community resources for children
• counselling for children, to let them talk about their feelings,
learn to deal with anger, and learn to respect their mothers
• information on child development and how violence
affects that development
• respite from care-taking or a break from day-to-day struggles

• help with parenting a child whose behaviour is worrisome
or challenging
• help to relate to her children in a new and different way
• assistance to negotiate contact with a partner over his
access to the children
• legal advice about a custody agreement/order or
getting child support
Safety takes priority. Help with parenting is relevant only after
safety is addressed. If a woman and children are not safe, help
them
access the appropriate services in your community.
At the Parent Help Line (1-888-603-9100), 23% of calls to this
free 24/7 hotline
are about discipline and problem behaviours, followed by child
development and
health (20%), personal problems of parents (17%), and issues
arising from
divorce, custody or adoption (9%).
* the forms on pages 18 and 19 help women tell you what they
need
* if unsure where to find services, the Ontario Women’s
Directorate
has links to all relevant topics under “Help for Assaulted
Women”:
www.ontariowomensdirectorate.gov.on.ca
THE NEEDS OF ABUSED WOMEN AS MOTHERS 5,13

Shelter residents may be in the midst of crisis and transition,
sometimes precipitated by a recent and severe incident of
violence.
However, women enter shelters in great part to seek safety and
a better
life for their children.
Studies of women in shelters suggest their most significant
child-related needs are:
• counselling for children
• being kept informed of what happens in counselling of their
children
• information about healthy or normal child development
• referrals and information about counselling for children
available locally
• referrals and information about general children’s services
such as child care
• child care or parenting relief/respite to give them a break
• information on parenting a difficult or worrisome child, or
support and insight
into a child’s behaviour
Communal living at a time of crisis and transition can be an
additional source of

stress. In one study, 40% of women found the co-operative
living environment
difficult because of the number or behaviour of other children
in the shelter.5
* have books available for mothers to read with children (see
page 45 for ideas). A list of parenting books is on our web site
at www.lfcc.on.ca/mothers.html
* distribute and post the “Everyday Essentials” of parenting
(page 32)
* consider organizing short group sessions for women to share
ideas about using the “Everyday Essentials.” See the work sheet
on page 36
* consider organizing short group sessions about how an
abusive
partner can affect mothers. Some background information is on
page 26 and a work sheet for women is on page 28
WORKING WITH MOTHERS IN SHELTERS 5, 7, 13
Women in rural or remote areas may have additional needs and
concerns, especially if they live on farms or in areas where
resources
are scarce.
Studies confirm they experience the same thoughts and feelings
as urban women,
but can face additional barriers to leaving abusive relationships

and getting
assistance.
Issues they may worry about or face include:
• the visibility of their situation in the community and
implications for
confidentiality
• lack of public transportation, long distances to travel and
treacherous winter
driving as barriers to accessing services
• the safety of animals such as horses and cows if they leave the
home
• implications of leaving the family farm on property division in
a divorce
• the difficulty of finding appropriate resources
• centralization of many resources (e.g., legal aid offices) in
urban areas
• less knowledge about family violence among some service
providers than
in urban areas or availability of only generalist services
Women in rural and remote areas may not be able to rely on
police for safety (long
response times) and may not have close neighbours to hear and
intervene in violent
episodes, leaving them more vulnerable.
In areas where it is difficult to run closed-group
programs, a parenting program for mothers could be

delivered in any of several modalities including group
sessions, individual sessions, individual with first and
last group meetings, one-time retreats, family “home
work,” mother conferences, and telephone or web-
based conferencing.13
Farm Line: 1-888-451-2903
Monday to Friday 8:30 am to 8:00 pm
Their website (www.thefarmline.ca) has an on-line
resource directory of services in all parts of Ontario.
WORKING WITH WOMEN ON FARMS OR IN RURAL
OR REMOTE AREAS 11, 13, 15
Women of First Nations, Métis or Inuit ancestry may seek
tradition-
based interventions, perhaps one combining traditional healing
with
conventional social work practice, or one based solely on
Aboriginal principles.
Aboriginal communities are diverse and there are no “one-size-
fits-all” answers.
However, tradition-based interventions and assistance may:
• be holistic and focus on healing and wellness rather than
dwelling on
the negative
• seek harmony and balance among individuals, family and
community

• discourage crisis-bound responses which punish the abuser
and separate
the family
• encourage community-level healing and re-connection with
past wisdom
Many link problems such as family violence to the loss of
culture and traditions,
disenfranchisement, and the dependency it engendered. In
addition, residential
schools disrupted the inter-generational transmission of
parenting skills.
Service providers should also keep in mind issues such as:
• the woman may have limited resources
• the abuser could be an important member of the community
• she may be suspicious, or fearful, of the justice system and
child protection
system
• victims are reluctant to put an abuser in a system viewed as
racist
• there may be few services available in her community
Treatment of an abuser, independent of the family, is not always
the preferred
approach.
Claudette Dumont-Smith (2001). Exposure to Violence in the
Home:

Effects on Aboriginal Children, Discussion Paper. Ottawa:
Aboriginal
Nurses Association of Canada.
Find programs at the National Aboriginal Circle
Against Family Violence: www.nacafv.ca
The Creator Wheel from Mending the Sacred
Hoop can be found at www.duluth-model.org
WORKING WITH ABORIGINAL WOMEN 6
Women new to Canada experienced both emigration (leaving
everything familiar behind) and immigration (getting used to
strange
new surroundings). Many speak neither official language and
they may
have no family here.
Among the community of new Canadians, there is great
variability in attitudes and
opinions, according to recency of emigration, education level,
proficiency in English,
religious commitment, community support infrastructure, and
personal experience.
Women new to Canada experience the same range of emotions
and reactions as all
women who are abused – fear, shame, hope for change – but
seeking assistance
from our social and legal systems may be a daunting task
because of beliefs about
the family, barriers to service, and concerns about immigration

issues.9, 14
Beliefs about the Family
• focus on needs of the family unit as a whole over her own
needs
• family matters are private and not to be discussed with others
• belief that a husband’s behaviour must be tolerated by a wife
• divorce may lead to ostracization from the community
• traditional ideas of gender roles: women are compliant, men
are in charge
• need to project image of "good woman" to the community
• strong prescriptions against divorce
System Issues & Barriers
• language barrier prevents seeking advice and assistance
• fear of police rooted in experience of police as corrupt or arm
of state
repression in country of origin
• not wanting husband charged may prevent calls (or subsequent
calls) to police
• fear of shelters and deep embarrassment if shelters are used
• fear of the Children’s Aid Society
• going to a professional may be last resort after family or
religious leader

Immigration Issues
• fear of consequences of divorce or criminal charge on her
immigration status
• fear of deportation (and possibly having to leave children in
Canada)
• belief she does not qualify for Ontario Works because of
sponsorship
A Newcomer’s Introduction to Canada: Family Life & Family
Law
www.cic.gc.ca/english/newcomer/guide/section-08.html
WORKING WITH WOMEN NEW TO CANADA
Language is a significant barrier, preventing many women from
finding and using
social and legal services, or calling 9-1-1. Women may have
been discouraged or
prevented from learning English. Limitations with English can
make it difficult to
read street signs, get on the right bus to your office, use the
Internet as a
resource, read the telephone book, and use the telephone to find
assistance.
Studies show that women want and need services
delivered in their own language.
What Service Providers Can Do

The onus is on us to modify our usual style of service delivery
to accommodate her
better. Some ideas to consider are:
• visit her at home whenever possible
• take extra time to build rapport and make her feel comfortable
• use interpreters (cultural interpreters if available) even if she
seems to manage
in English
• do not expect or ask for disclosure of intimate matters unless
absolutely
necessary for the intervention
• speak slowly and avoid using jargon or idiomatic expressions
that do not
translate easily
• ask what type of help she is looking for and direct her to the
best place for
assistance if unable to meet all her needs
• learn something about her homeland and culture or about the
political situation
if there has been a war or other catastrophic events
• look for resources in her language, like at
www.hotpeachpages.net
* Life in the Family: A Newcomer’s Guide to Parenting Issues
in Canada
(2002), (ESL curriculum and video) by the B.C. Institute
Against Family
Violence.
* Assisting Immigrant & Refugee Women Abused by their

Sponsors: A Guide
www.settlement.org: information and answers for newcomers to
Ontario
www.projectbluesky.ca: [Chinese, Korean & Japanese]
www.rosenet-ca.org: the law and abused immigrant women
www.hotpeachpages.net: links to informational material on
woman abuse
in over 60 languages, from Albanian to Welsh
Refugees and landed immigrants receive free language
instruction
through the federal Language Instruction for New Canadians
(LINC)
program. The web page of Citizenship and Immigration Canada
has links
to LINC Assessment Centres and LINC programs:
www.cic.gc.ca
In this chart, list what you need to be safe and to take care of
your
children. Write down names and addresses on the right as you
learn
about places to get that help.
I need
I NEED ... this (✔ ) Where can I find this?
an abused
women’s shelter

counselling for
the abuse
help making a
safety plan
counselling for
other issues
a lawyer or
legal advice
help to pay for
a lawyer
counselling for my
partner/husband
help with
immigration matters
help to learn
English
help finding a
family doctor
help finding a
place to live
help getting welfare/
Ontario Works
help going back
to school

help to find a job or
to up-grade job skills
other:
other:
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED: ASK FOR IT!
for
Women
In this chart, list the things you need for your children. You can
get
some of these things here. For other things, you have to go to
other
places. Your worker or group leader can help you.
I NEED
FOR MY I need
CHILDREN... this (✔ ) Where can I find this?
someone to look
after my children
while I work
help to pay for
child care
help with changing

to a new school
to learn how to
be the best mother
I can be
a lawyer so I can
get legal custody
of my children
help with my child
who is having some
problems
someone to look
after my children
to give me a break
help for before
and after visits
with their father
counselling for
my children
help because my
child is abusing me
other:
other:
YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR CHILDREN NEED: ASK FOR IT!
for

Women
Authoritarianism
If an abusive man involves himself in child discipline, he has
rigid expectations,
low empathy and an angry style of "power-assertive" (i.e.
verbal and physical force)
punishment. Discipline is a quick fix to an immediate problem,
not a thoughtful
strategy based upon reasonable and age-appropriate
expectations. He may see
himself as a superior parent and not listen to input from his
partner. He may
swing between authoritarian and permissive, even neglectful,
parenting.
“He expects them to be perfect, like adults, but they are just
kids
who need to run and play.”
“Most times he just ignores the kids but if he had a bad day,
he explodes at them for no reason.”
“I kept telling him: in Canada, girls go to the mall and it
is just harmless fun with their friends.”
Low Involvement, Neglect & Irresponsibility
While children must respect his authority, their daily care is the
mother’s
responsibility, especially routine or less pleasant duties such as
diapers and

homework. He may be unaffectionate with children and find
excuses to avoid
coming home. He is unlikely to sacrifice his needs to meet
family responsibilities.
His praise and attention, so rarely bestowed, may be highly
valued by children.
Neglect can alternate with periods of authoritarian control.
“With what he leaves at the bar in tips in just one night, I could
buy a
package of diapers. Then he tells CAS that the baby has diaper
rash
because I don’t change her enough.”
“I got a job but I had to lie and stay on Ontario Works. He took
my pay cheques and I had to feed the kids somehow.”
Undermining of the Mother
Overruling her decisions, ridiculing her in front of the children,
portraying himself as
the only legitimate parenting authority. Contempt towards his
partner shows children
it is okay to insult and even physically abuse her.
“I try and keep it all on track, the homework and baths and
getting to bed on time,
but then he says it’s okay to watch ‘Law & Order’ and I look
like the
bad guy who is always nagging.”
“My son is starting to treat me just like his father did.”
HOW ABUSIVE MEN PARENT 3

Self-Centredness
Selfishly expecting the status and rewards of fatherhood without
sacrifices or
responsibilities. May resist changes to his lifestyle when a baby
is born. Can be
enraged by normal behaviour such as crying in infants. Expects
children to meet his
needs (e.g., listen to his troubles, provide affection, or keep him
company when he is
in the mood).
“When the baby cried, he actually thought she did it on purpose
to get on his nerves.”
“He couldn’t tell you the names of the kids’ teachers or their
birth dates.
He really has no interest in them unless he’s in the mood to toss
the ball around
or something like that.”
Manipulativeness
Confuses children about blame for the violence and who is the
better parent.
“Since I left, he repeatedly tells the kids that the divorce was
all my fault because
I wanted to have boyfriends and go partying. They are starting
to believe him.”
“He told the children that God required him to punish them, and

me, to teach us.”
Ability to Perform Under Observation
During professional evaluations or in social situations, some
abusive men can seem
to be loving and attentive fathers. The contrast between public
and private behaviour
may be stark. Children may feel most comfortable with him in
public places.
"When we are with his family or his friends from work,
you’d give him a father-of-the year award."
"The judge sent us for an assessment. He turned on the charm
so I ended up looking like a liar."
Issues to keep in mind....
• the more frequently a man abuses his partner, the more likely
he will maltreat
the children
• children can be injured when mothers are assaulted (e.g.,
babes in arms)
• the emotional abuse that virtually always accompanies
physical violence will
have a profoundly negative effect on children
• children face enormous barriers to disclosing abuse or
maltreatment in
their homes
Some abusive partners can appear to be
kind and dependable parents

This model shows the power and control tactics associated with
child
maltreatment.
THE ABUSE OF CHILDREN WHEEL
SE
XU
AL
IZ
IN
G
CH
IL
DR
EN
’S
BE
HA
VI
OR

VIO
LENCE COMMITTING INCEST
SEXUAL
TOUCH
IN
G
/KISSIN
G
ABUSE
OF
CHILDREN
PIN
CH
IN
G
HITTING
KICKING VIOLENCE
PUS
HIN
G
TW
IS
TI

NG
AR
M
S
CH
OK
IN
G
INTIMIDATION
• instilling fear through looks,
actions, gestures, property
destruction
• using adult size
• being violent to other
parent, pets etc.
• yelling
Using
INSTITUTIONS
• threatening punishment with/by
the courts, police, school,
God, juvenile detention,
foster homes, relatives,
psych wards
ISOLATION
• controlling access to peers /
adults, siblings, other parent,
grandparents
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
• put-downs, name calling

• using children as confidants
• using children to get or give
information to other parent
• being inconsistent
• shaming children
THREATS
• threatening abandonment,
suicide, physical harm,
confinement, or harm to
other loved ones
ECONOMIC
ABUSE
• withholding basic needs,
using money to control
behavior
• squandering family money
• withholding child support
• using children as an economic
bargaining chip in divorce
Using
ADULT PRIVILEGE
• treating children as servants
• punishing, bossing, always winning
• denying input in visitation and
custody decisions
• interrupting
for
Women

This model shows eight ways to love and care for children.
THE NURTURING CHILDREN WHEEL
LO
V
E
AN
D C
ARE
FOR YOUR CHILDREN
NURTURING
CHILDREN
L
O
V
E
AND
CARE FOR YOUR
CH
IL

DR
E
N
TRUST
and RESPECT
• acknowledge children’s right
to have their own feelings,
opinions, friends and activities
• promote independence
• allow for privacy
• respect their feelings
for other parent
• believe your
children
Promote
EMOTIONAL
SECURITY
• talk and act so that children
feel safe and comfortable
expressing themselves
• be dependable
• be gentle
Provide DISCIPLINE
• be consistent
• ensure rules are appropriate to
age & development of child
• be clear about limits & expectations
• use discipline to instruct, not
to punish
Provide
PHYSICAL
SECURITY

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