Guru Nab gives advice to his followers that is actually lyrics from Natasha Bedingfield songs. Steve, a skeptical devotee, recognizes the lyrics but the others believe it to be enlightened wisdom. After more examples, Steve confronts Guru Nab about stealing the lyrics. Guru Nab tries to distract from this by mispronouncing Natasha Bedingfield's name. Steve persists and realizes the advice is from Bedingfield's song "Unwritten". Guru Nab then admits to using lyrics but says Steve has passed a test by recognizing the song.

1. UNWRITTEN
Nancy Ferranti
CHAR:
STEVE - disbelieving devotee of guru nab. Straight guy.
GURU NAB - wise old guru.
MARLEY - peyote-fueled guru nab devotee. Total hippie.
MARTHA - Pleading and faithful devotee
DARTH - Pleading and faithful devotee
SYNOP: Those lost and looking for guidance in life hike for
years in the desert to find the great GURU NAB. Little does
everyone know, though, that Guru Nab’s advice are just lyrics
taken from Natasha Bedingfield song, “Unwritten.”
LIGHTS FADE UP
Steve arrives at Guru Nab's throne at the top of a mountain.
STEVE
Oh my gosh, it’s really him -
MARTHA
Shhhhhhhhh!!!
DARTH
GURU NAB, I'm in love with a woman my family won’t accept. What
do I do? What would you do?
GURU NAB
I break tradition. Sometimes my tries are outside the lines.
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live
that way.
DARTH
You're are so wise Guru Nab! Tell me more!
GURU NAB
Stare at the blank page before you.
DARTH
Examine my future?
GURU NAB
Stare at the blank page before you. Open up the dirty window,
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find.

2. STEVE
What is he sayi-
DARTH
Of course! The ​dirty window​, my tumultuous relationship with my
parents, because ​the sun​, the love of my life, will illuminate
the words of forgiveness I could not find. But Guru Nab, how?
GURU NAB
Only you can let it in.
MARTHA
(In awe) Absolute genius.
STEVE
I don't know, I feel like I recognize that from somewhere...
DARTH
GURU NAB, is there anything else I can do to win my family’s
acceptance?
GURU NAB
Only you can let it in.
STEVE
Didn't he just say that?
MARTHA
Enlightenment is a journey - trust the process.
DARTH
Yes, only I can let it in! No one else, no one else - I've
released my inhibitions, I can feel it, feel it on my skin!
STEVE
That is so familiar! What is that from?!
GURU NAB
NEXT!
MARTHA
GURU NAB, I'm thinking of leaving my tech job to follow my
dreams of becoming a painter. Should I do it?
GURU NAB

3. Reaching for something in the distance. So close you can almost
taste it. Release your inhibitions.
STEVE
(humming the song tune to self)
Is that.. Is that a song?
MARTHA
Should I confide in my boss?
GURU NAB
No one else. No one else. Can speak the words on your lips.
Drench yourself in words unspoken. Live your life with arms wide
open.
MARTHA
When?
GURU NAB
Today is where your book begins.
STEVE
Where have I heard that? This is killing me!
MARLEY hikes on stage and joins the line.
MARLEY
So have I, man, I've heard that all kinds of places. I know
where it's from.
STEVE
Really? Where?
MARLEY
Peyote.
STEVE
What?
MARLEY
GURU NAB is hittin the pey-yo-tah, A-K-A Pay-yo-tay, on the
babayy, oh hey hey, namasteee, it’s a beautiful day-
STEVE
What are you talking about?
MARLEY

4. Uhh... ya got me there, but - WOAH! An enlightenment exchange!
(MARTHA doing weird movements)
MARTHA
Only I can let it in!
GURU NAB
Release your inhibitions!
Q AUDIO THUNDER & RAIN SOUND EFFECT
MARTHA
(emphatic) I can feel the rain on my skin!!!
GURU NAB
Yes! Now, feel it until I get back, Guru's gotta take a leak.
GURU NAB exits with a spin and run off stage.
STEVE
OH MY GOD, I’ve got it! It’s a Natasha Bedingfield song!!
(starts singing) ‘Stare at the blank page before you. Open up
the dirty window, Let the sun illuminate the words that you
could not find…’
MARTHA
Who is Natasha Bedingfield?
STEVE
You know, English singer-songwriter from the early 2000s, with
that famous - ​this ​famous song.
GURU NAB
I'm baccckkk! Who's this? What's going on here?
MARTHA
(pointing at Steve accusationally)
He thinks you’re Natashaa Dungfield.
STEVE
Beding FIELD. Yeah, your advice is a total rip off! You're just
stealing lyrics from that Natasha Bedingfield song!
GURU NAB
And are you this Nataja Pillsbury?

5. STEVE
Bedingfield!
GURU NAB
Natai-isha Bedbop?
STEVE
Natasha. ​Bed ingfield
GURU NAB
Naptime Bed dingFeelsGood?
STEVE
(TO GURU NAB)
I see what you’re doing here, trying to distract everyone - oh
you’re good alright…
GURU NAB
Everyone, your attention please. I’m going to stop giving my
famous life-changing advice because it reminds Steve of a song
that goes DOO DOO by Nancy BottlePop.
Everyone awes. Steve stomps angry/ frustrated.
GURU NAB
Steve, just release your inhibitions
STEVE
I can't believe I hiked for two years for a shitty acapella
spoken word cover of-
MARLEY
Relax man. Look, you've been hiking for a long time, and
probably, like me, took a ton of peyote, don't know what's what,
what's up, what's down, whose that, who’s that, where it begins
- do you have more peyote with you?
Steve looks stunned
GURU NAB(TO MARLEY)
Today is where your book begins.
STEVE
The rest is still unwritten!
GURU NAB

6. God dammit Steve, you are relentless! Okay, okay, you have
passed.
STEVE
Passed?
GURU NAB
Yes, you have passed the test and now shall receive advice
flowing from the deepest levels of the universe. Only the true
seekers get to this secret place. A sweet escape.
STEVE
Take me away!
GURU NAB
To better days?
STEVE
Yes, take me away!
GURU NAB
A hiding place
MARLEY
Hey I know this one
Q AUDIO POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE
Beat drops at chorus and everyone starts singing "I got a
pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love, and I
know that it's all mine. Oh, oh whoa"