A sketch comedy script. © 2020 ALL CAPS Sketch Comedy.

1. I DREAM OF SPY KIDS
INT. LIVING ROOM. THERE IS A COUCH TO THE LEFT WITH A PILLOW, A SMALL
TABLE WITH A FRAMED PHOTO ON IT. POSTERS ARE ON THE WALL.
Q LIGHTS OFF, SPOTLIGHT ON SOPHIE AND BRETT
Brett and Sophie enter.
BRETT
So this is the place. You want a glass of
water or something?
SOPHIE
Sure!
BRETT
Back in a jiffy!
Brett exits. Sophie pulls a cell phone out, and makes an
urgent phone call.
SOPHIE
Kiley? You are not going to believe it.
Remember that guy I’ve been seeing?... I’m
at his apartment right now, and it’s a
shrine to Spy Kids. You know - Spy Kids -
that early 2000s young adult adventure
flick. No, not just like one or two
things. Everything. Oh. Here he comes.
BRETT
Wine for the madam.
SOPHIE
Thanks (beat) Sooo - What’s with all the ​Spy
Kids​ stuff?
BRETT
What, can’t a guy have interests?
Hands Sophie a wine glass, Sophie inspects it (it’s shaped
like Carmen from spy kids)

2. BRETT (CONT.)
Careful - it’s a collector’s item. This is
the exact same pose Carmen was in on the
cover of the 2007 Director’s Cut Bluray
(beat) Look, some people like ​Harry
Potter​, I like ​Spy Kids​.
SOPHIE
I like Harry Potter - but I don’t serve
wine out of a glass shaped like Hermione.
You seem obsessed.
BRETT
I dont think its any more of an obsession
than yoga or paleo or... chirsitianity.
SOPHIE
Those are lifestyles, Brett
BRETT
Maybe I’m not explaining it well. Have you
seen ​Spy Kids​?
SOPHIE
I mean probably. I don’t know.
BRETT
How could you not know? It’s Antonio
Banderas’ comeback film.
SOPHIE
Zorro​ was Antonio Banderas’ comeback film.
BRETT
Show me the proof, anyone could’ve been
hiding under that mask. (beat) Spy Kids
had the same score as There will be blood
on rotten tomatoes. Plus Siskel and Ebert
called it a “treasure.”
SOPHIE
That can’t be true.

3. Sophie freezes. Brett turns to the audience, takes a step
forward. Breaking fourth wall.
BRETT
(voiced formally) That ​actually is​ true.
Roger Ebert​ writing for the ​Chicago
Sun-Times​ in 2001, gave it 3.5 out of 4
stars and called it "a treasure".
Brett returns to his place.
BRETT
Look ​Spy Kids​ went on to give birth to a
genre! ​Agent Cody Banks​, ​SharkBoy​ -​Lava
Girl​.
SOPHIE
I love ​Lava Girl​!
BRETT
I’m offering you Coke Classic from a glass
bottle and you’re choosing Safeway Select
Cola off the kitchen floor. (beat) It was
ahead of its time, and had major advances
in both graphics and cinematography.
SOPHIE
Cinematography?
BRETT
I mean it’s no Citizen Kane
SOPHIE
No, it’s not
BRETT
It’s far more nuanced.
SOPHIE
Are you-
BRETT

4. (interrupting SOPHIE with funny noise)
RRRR- not done! (beat) It passed the
Bechdell test. It was just the right movie
at just the right time and depending on
who you ask it may have prevented 9-11.
SOPHIE
But 9-11 happened.
BRETT
Not for another 6 months after ​Spy Kids​.
SOPHIE
You think ​SPY KIDS​ delayed 911?
BRETT
I ​know Spy Kids​ delayed 911.
SOPHIE
That’s crazy!
BRETT
Crazy?! Do you think it’s crazy to have a
passion? Do you think it’s crazy for
complex systems like the international
terrorist network and the youth
entertainment industry to intermingle? Do
you think it’s CRAZY to feel (emotional) a
profound sense of duty to protect the
world from Fegan Floop and the
Thumb-Thumbs?
SOPHIE
I guess not.. When you put it that way.
Geez - sorry for judging you Brett. We’ve
all got our quirks. You know, I’m an
anti-vaxxer.
BRETT
(deadly serious, points at the door) Get
the fuck out.
Q BLACKOUT