This poem recounts alternative gifts given for each of the 12 Days of Christmas instead of the traditional items in the song. It describes gifts such as chocolate, crepe batter, CDs of music, pineapple rings, canes, bottles, and chocolate as replacements for the partridge, doves, rings, geese, swans, maids, ladies dancing, lords leaping, pipers piping, and drummers drumming. The poem concludes by wishing the recipient had fun opening the gifts and hopes they will remember the spirit of the season each Christmas.

1. Twas 12 days before Christmas
and all through your house Now the Third Day of Christmas,
Not a creature was stirring, it calls for French hens
not even a mouse. But we don’t know what these are
And how do we know this? – we asked all our friends.
We crept to your door But we do know in France that
Laden with goodies they’re famous for crepes
and presents galore! So we’ve left you your very own
batter to bake.
On the First Day of Christmas
your friends brought to thee…
OK, it’s not a partridge
in a pear tree.
Partridges are small
and not easy to find
So we brought something else
– we hope you don’t mind.
On the Second Day of Christmas, On the Fourth Day of Christmas
is it Two Turtle Doves? the birds were a-calling
Not ruddy likely! (I assume they were singing,
But it’s something you’ll love! and not caterwauling).
We considered the problem So we’ve left you a CD
and decided by degrees of beautiful music
To bring you some chocolate – (And in case you don’t like it
Dove brand if you please. – I didn’t choose it!)

2. It’s the Fifth Day of Christmas It’s the Seventh Day of Christmas,
– 5 rings of gold. which means swans that swim.
But we couldn’t find anywhere The chances of getting those swans
cheap ones were sold! were quite grim.
And then we remembered I will say, we tried!
– pineapple rings! But the swans flew the coop
Just open the can and So we had to just settle
you all can tuck in! for a bag of swan poop.
And now on the Sixth Day – On the Eighth Day of Christmas,
6 geese that lay there were milking maids
But what can we pick But the damsels were upset
this image to portray? with what they were paid.
Lay goes with lie, And they all left their posts!
and lying’s a sin! Called it quits! Went on strike!
So we’ve brought you a So we can’t give you milk,
decadent treat – tuck in! but here’s something you’ll like.

3. Now the Ninth Day of Christmas, For the Eleventh Day of Christmas
and the ladies did dance it’s pipers a piping,
For hour upon hour – Which is thirsty work,
their feet stood no chance. and it can lead to griping.
At the end of the night, So we’ve put in a bottle,
they suffered such pains and we do hope that this’ll
That they hobbled their way home – Be just the thing for you
here are their canes. to whet your whistle.
So the Twelfth Day of Christmas,
12 drummers a drumming
In just a few hours,
On the Tenth Day of Christmas, Christmas is coming
10 leaping lords. And our countdown is finished,
Had they not learnt a thing it’s over, it’s done
from the ladies before? And now we’re just hoping
And not a single one of them you had heaps of fun.
had canes that they owned
So they sat drinking chocolate, and This last gift we bring you
they moaned and they groaned. was chosen with care
Each year to remind you
of the gifts that we shared
And at each Christmas time,
just sit back and remember
The pixies who came to your home
this December.