The document is a collection of posts on various friends' Facebook walls describing absurdly sensual encounters and romantic scenarios involving Daniel Radcliffe. Many of the posts describe Radcliffe in intimate situations using flowery language and references to his appearance, clothing, and emotional states. They convey the posters' attraction to and fantasies about Radcliffe.

1. THIS IS MADNESS
THIS. IS. RADCLIFFE.
~Chronicles of the Barrage of Daniel Radcliffe
pictures posted by Kelly~
12/7/11-1/3/12

2. Posted to Andrew’s Wall, 12/8
 Voldemort: Minions! Assemble! This is most delightful news! I've discovered the source of Harry Potter's
true power!
Malfoy: The power of love? The elder wand?
Voldemort: No, no, no! Those are TOO OBVIOUS. The real source of his power is his..LEATHER VEST.
ra ra ah ah ahhh,
ro ma, ooh la la,
ga ga, mama mia,
we want his leather vest

3. Posted to Carly’s Wall, 12/7
 "What floor?" he asks, fingers curling against the
cool stainless steel handrail. With his blazer and
white oxford slightly askew, you recognize him as
the alluring young temp who changes all the ink
cartridges and microwaves your lean pockets. You
look over at the columns of numbered
buttons, and see that the slightly faded 18 is
already lit. You smile. No assistance necessary.
He smiles, wondering if there's any way your
microwave could be involved in some unfortunate
accident. A lady like you deserves a little more
than lean pockets on a Friday night, anyway...

4. Posted to Danielle’s Wall, 12/7
 "Aimeriez-vous danser?" His eyes are
almost unsure of himself, and there's
the tiny arc of a quiver in his voice. It's
almost like he's intimidated by you. But
not quite; Fires burn, cauldrons
bubble, if you get my drift... His shirt is
50% silk and 50% cotton and 100%
tuxedo-ribbed delicacy. And this sure
isn't the first time you've been twirled
around on your 3-inch high red stilettos
in a romantic French dance club, but it
sure is the first time you've felt your
hands go just a little clammy on his
upper arm. But not quite.

5. Posted to Heather’s Wall, 12/7
 grimly, Daniel Radcliffe stares into
your eyes, unblinking and ubiquitous.
"I've never seen her before," he
reflects. "I'd remember it." he adjusts
his leather jacket, eyes still fixed on
you, as if to say, "I just rolled off a
motorbike going at the approximately
80km/h while it exploded, while I
recorded an "It gets better" video, if
you're into that sort of thing."
Oh, darling, you are, aren't you? But
time isn't actually standing still, or that
beautiful stubble wouldn't be evolving
before your very eyes. No need to
stand around chatting on this shabby
street corner, is there?

6. Posted to Emma’s Wall, 12/7
 having been waiting for you in the lobby of this
posh European massage parlor all this
time, Daniel Radcliffe eventually resigned
himself to sitting and waiting for you in vain, all
alone on a mysterious white wooden cube
(placed by the marketing staff to cleverly entice
you to the earthy goodness of a massage).
Yet, alas! You arrive, only slightly late due to
the foolish baristas neglecting to properly salt
your salted caramel latte. But no matter. You're
here now, and able to place a hand on his
knee as you kiss his cheeks in customary
European greeting and admire the way his
jeans fall on his legs like a mystical, form-
accentuating-yet-not-too-revealing waterfall.
You've caught him off-guard, but he extends
his hand, ready to sweep you away to the
world of earthy, European massage parlors
with all-white furniture.

7. Posted to Laura’s Wall, 12/7
 Daniel shifted up in his seat, vivid
blue eyes smiling in a strange
way...there is no joke, no
hilariously misguided passerby
strolling by in a makeshift star trek
costume...nothing for him to be
laughing it. No, his eyes smile at
your soul, in a deep, blue
connection that sparkles and
contrasts against the red wall (you
know, dear, they say red is the
color of passion)...And in that
moment, your knees feel like
jelly, your cheeks and fingers all
warm and yet shivering...and a
chorus of bubble letters proclaim
the name of your beloved in a bold
tribute to the
singing, dancing, horse-loving
warrior of girls' hearts.

8. Posted to Kathryn’s Wall, 12/7
 "Belgian chocolate," said Daniel
Racliffe, leaning up against the
carefully polished ebony
doorframe, "it is..how you say, mon
préféré..." his inquisitive gaze
shifts to the inside of the
restaurant, that one that glows
green. But no, my dear, no one is
being avada kedavra-ed in there.
In fact, green glows in this world of
floral-clad hot men is a sign of the
utmost passion...will you, or will
you not share in the glory of
Belgian chocolate with this man?
As his hand reaches toward yours
with the tenderness of one going to
hold a newborn kitten, you give a
Mona Lisa smile that holds all the
answers.

9. Posted to RJ’s Wall, 12/7
 it is a moment so unguarded, so
hopeful, and yet so quiet. Daniel
Radcliffe gazes down at his
knuckles, so beside himself with
the power of your charms against
his fragile soul and crushed velvet
blazer. He has never trusted
anyone so deeply before. And yet,
with one brush of the hand, it could
be true love, or abandonment. [[So
far I've only been doing absurdly
sensual captions. If you are
currently horrified, please replace
the above caption with one that
says "I bought you a cauldron
cake, but I eated it... :'("]]

10. Posted to Renee’s Wall, 12/7
 Is that Mr. Darcy, leaning
leisurely against some imagined
stone archway, lovingly
whispering "Mrs. Darcy, Mrs.
Darcy, Mrs. Darcy...", a twinkle in
his eye, his hair peaked in
anticipation? Or is it something
more, perhaps?
Hemholtz, having slept with
dozens of women and yet
wistfully longing for the one that
will open the door to his soul? Or
a delightful representation of
Jared Leto in that one 30
Seconds to Mars video?

11. Posted to Kaitlyn’s Wall, 12/7
 He was going to go to work, but
instead, he decided to dedicate
the master architecture of his
chest to you. The topography
speaks hidden volumes of
voluptuousness, each ridge and
rib, an ode to the many hours he
will spend here at home, slaving
away to you, rather the corporate
box office fiends.

12. Posted to Leigh’s Wall, 12/7
 waiting there, all alone, listening
to harry potter and the order of
the phoenix
(unabridged, randomhouse
version read by the delightful Jim
Dale, of course), all because he
can't get you out of his mind! it's
enough to drive anyone to the
point of reading about emo harry
and his series of door dreams
and Cho Chang crush-related
imagery.

13. Posted to Erin’s Wall, 12/7, #1
 I'm just like Oliver Wood, baby...I'm a keeper.

14. Posted to Erin’s Wall, 12/7, #2
 Somewhere, in a shabby-chic
minimalist hotel lounge, around
the corner from the elevator and
the breakfast lounge, Daniel
Racliffe is waiting, just for
you, half out of his seat in
anticipation. That chair is
probably not as comfortable as
your embrace, he says. And he
wouldn't want his shoes getting
it dirty. Housekeeping worked
hard on that.

15. Posted to Brendan’s Wall, 12/7
 Maybe it's just a cloud of
dementors, or some problem with
the ventilation system, but I think
maybe he's just been blown away
by you. Daniel Racliffe's curls, its
two layers looking like a silver
spangled serpent, but by gods,
he's a Gryffindor, and Gryffindors
don't stand there, stock-still, while
opportunity awaits. Even as his
mouth opens, you know you'll give
him the time of day... [[Note: If the
above caption is far too sensual
and has left you utterly horrified,
please replace it with one
regarding how fans just never give
him peace *Lame Pun Coon*]]

16. New, for Melissa (1/3)
“I’ll have you know,” he said, with a look of
the utmost intensity, “that I take Little
Bigplanet very, very seriously.” Daniel
Radcliffe’s cool blue eyes sweep over your
body, pausing on your hands, which grip
the PS3 controller nervously. You hope
your nails aren’t too chipped. It’s been a
good four hours since you got out of the
nail salon. Who knows what might have
happened? But he smiles and takes a
seat next to you, his bronze dinner jacket
contrasting with the white walls (you didn’t
have time to paint before the
housewarming party; another thing to
worry about). And after you’ve beaten him
humiliatingly for the 8th time in a row, you
can tell by the way he winks that he hasn’t
noticed the nail polish.

17. In Conclusion…
 Daniel Radcliffe is extremely attractive
 Somehow, I passed Chemistry.
<3, Kelly