The Warp Pipe Forums Newspaper Issue 2 1-2-12

The Warp Pipe Forums Newspaper

• Edited by Hasfarr
• Issue #2, 1-2-2012

THE WARP PIPE FORUMS
1-2-2012 You haters slippin’, we bacon flippin’ - Since 2009

Karts and Notes
Coming off the release of Members of the forum have
Mario Kart 7 last month, also used their 3DS
forum members have been handhelds to communicate
racing against each other and share some drawings
very often in the past few with each other.
weeks.
Swapnote for the Nintendo
Members usually get 3DS is an app where one
together online every night can send drawings, referred
and race each other for fun. to as “notes”, to a group of
people, and vice-versa. To
User Smashogun has
see a video of the various
started a tournament, which
notes that have been sent
will be held today.
recently, go to my YouTube
Here is the code to join The channel:
Warp Pipe’s Mario Kart www.youtube.com/hasfarr
community: 22-4111-4039-
8465

1-2-2012 A column by GameFreak043 - Since 2009

How to survive The Warp Pipe
Greetings lost children! My Anyway, that's enough about
name is Mustachio Joe. You me. This column is a
may know me as paradise for all the sad little
gamefreak043, a proud, lost children who wish to
beloved and totally not have a decent stay. To be
egotistical member of the honest, this place and the
Warp Pipe Forums. Why am previous incarnations of this
I going under a different place has a problem
name for this column, you concerning any possible new
ask? The reason being is members leaving us after
that I have found new that their introduction threads
few people trust individuals due to being scared off by
with such a *ahem* "ghey" veteran members.
name such as
"gamefreak043". As such, I
have changed my name to a
more "trustworthy" alias.
Why did I tell you all I'm
gamefreak043 anyway?
Because shut up.


This weekly column is here How to Survive the Warp Pipe Forums Day 2: This "Rahpeed" fellow seems like a pretty kewl
to provide you with the guy
information you need in
order to survive The Warp Now that you know the majority of the terms that this forum and newspaper column will be using, it is
Pipe Forums. We may look time to do some reconnaissance on the various individuals you will meet in this forum. In internet
intimidating at first, but if you speak, this translates into "Lurk moar".
follow this column you will be
able to fit right in and realize To do this, we will be sorting the members into 3 general categories. These 3 categories are as
just how great of a follows.
community we are.
Now, let us begin. Good Fella: These individuals are the good-hearted and nicer individuals in this god-forsaken
cesspool of a forum. These are the people who you can always rely on and they will happily assist
you in any way you can.

Bad Fella: These people aren't the good-hearted and nicer individuals in this forum. They may know
how to have a good time and you may want to hang around them, but be cautious. These people are
troubled, have questionable motives, and/or are jackasses. Always have your guard up around these
people.

Borderline Fella: People who are not quite the saints of good fella nor the likes of bad fella.


How to Survive the Warp Pipe Forums Day 2: This "Rahpeed" fellow seems like a pretty kewl guy
That said, we are all different judges of character, so your list may differ from everyone else's. I will walk you through a few
members to set you on the right track.

And if you say something about "But Joe, that's judging a book by it's cover. Mommy told me that's BAAAAAAD", then you can
go piss off.

gamefreak043: This fella is an oddball. He seems to be the kind of guy who rarely contributes to conversations at hand and his
posts are often either irrelevant or off-topic. Of course, he was the person who convinced me to write this article for you sad
little children, so he seemed like a good fella at first glance. However, he insisted that he was a bad fella, which I thought was
crazy. He told me that he is the embodiment of our worst nightmares, just waiting to strike when we are at our most vulnerable.
I thought he was just plain wacky. But after he knocked me to the ground, nailed my wrists to the ground, hacked both my legs
off with a cup of ramen noodles, and forced me to watch Garbage Pail Kids, I decided he had a point.


BAD FELLA

Gameboii64: This individual delights getting various topics derailed due to his constant usage of the phrases "nou" and
"nou@all" all while calling the other members of the forum homosexuals. It has gotten to the point where his and Zel's antics
got so bad that he got the above terms and "fgt" censored from the forum for a time.

BAD FELLA

Zel: He was one of the individuals responsible for a number of derailed threads and the previously mentioned censoring due to
his constant making out with bickering with Gameboii64. I would also like to point out that Chiara, A former alias of his, is a
girl's name.

BAD FELLA

Mirage2777: An administrator for the forum, he seems like a pretty kewl guy. However, confirmed rumors persist that he has a
gas chamber in his dorm room where he sticks jewish individuals to die a horrible death. Unconfirmed rumors also state that he
enjoys *ahem* "fapping" to a certain character in the popular video game "The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword". Personally, I
would keep my distance if I were you.


BAD FELLA

wolfenflautist0994: Let's just say there's a pretty good reason why she is a demoted moderator.

BAD FELLA

Blue-Wolf-330: The fact that he admitted to watching iCarly makes him a troubled member. In what category do troubled
members go to?

BAD FELLA

These examples should set you in the right track to complete the rest of the list for yourself. Now, you may be thinking "But
Joe, how come everyone you analyzed is a bad fella?". Well, the answer is really quite simple.

...
Errrr- GOODNESS, just look at the time! That is all the time we have for today. Join us next week for Day 3 of How to Survive
the Warp Pipe Forums, where I will give you a brief glimpse into our history so you know just what the hell your fellow
comrades are talking about.

1-2-2012 Too big to fail - Since 2009

Nintendo Weekly – A Review
Last month, Mario Kart 7 On to the music. Kenta
was released to rave Negata does a nice job of
reviews. Here’s my take on composing music for the
the game. game. He has helped retain
the fast-paced feel that most
Let’s start with the graphics.
Mario Kart music has had.
The character models have
Retro courses re-use the
been greatly improved from
original music from their
Mario Kart DS, Mario’s last
game.
handheld go-kart outing. The
models even look better Fun-fact: When you are in
than they were in Mario Kart first place in this game and
Wii, the last Mario Kart you have a good lead, an
game. The tracks are neatly added drum track will play.
detailed, and look even
better in 3D mode.


To the courses. The courses Now for the Karts. A new
range from normal (Toad feature has appeared that
Circuit, for example) to allows people to customize
throwback (Piranha Plant their karts with different
Slide has some elements of wheels, bodies and gliders.
Super Mario Bros.) to the This allows for
absolutely absurd (Music experimenting with all the
Park). Courses based off different options, allowing for
other games appear as well. more strategy.
DK Jungle is a course based
The characters in this game
on Donkey Kong Country
include the regulars:
Returns and was designed
Mario, Yoshi, Luigi, Bowser,
by its developer, Retro
Peach, etc. New characters
Studios. Wuhu Island from
include Metal Mario (Super
Wii Sports Resort and Wii Fit
Mario 64) and the Honeybee
also appears. There are 16
Queen (Super Mario Galaxy
retro courses in addition to
1 & 2).
the 16 new ones.


Now, last, but definitely not Another feature is the ability
least, the gameplay. to drive underwater.
Previously in the series, if
The gameplay still maintains
you went underwater, you
the tried and true Mario Kart
would be pulled out by
formula while keeping it
Lakitu. While that is still
fresh. While most of the
possible, many courses
gameplay is the same, new
have underwater portions
features like air gliders have
where you drive underwater.
been added. If you launch
This has been reflected in
off a blue speed panel, you
retro courses like Koopa
will be able to glide through
Cape (Wii) and Daisy
the air for a few seconds.
Cruiser (GCN).
This allows for a chance to
get in front of other racers. These gameplay elements
have been done great and
show that Mario Kart is one
of the best racing series out
there.


However, that’s not to say Yes, at first, in the 50cc and
that there aren’t any 100cc cups, it seems
problems with the game. relatively easy to get in 1st
Some courses, like Wario place. But once you get to
Shipyard, come off as bland the 150cc cups, it seems like
and boring to me. And the hell just to get to 3rd. When
choice of retro courses is not you get to a top 4 position
perfect – irritating courses while racing, it seems like
like Maple Treeway (Wii), the other racers get all the
which is hard to navigate items they want. For
through, have returned only example, if you are in 1st
to be more irritating to place, it only takes a few
players. seconds for you to get hit by
a Red or Blue Shell.
And the biggest problem is
something that Mario Kart
has been synonymous with:
rubberband AI.


The Wi-Fi is outstanding in When all is said and
this game. For the most part, done, though, Mario Kart 7
there is no lag and you are is a fun and well-done game
able to smoothly race with to play. This is a must-have
others around the world. for your 3DS system, and
one of the best games out
You can also join
there.
communities of racers on
Wi-Fi, competing to get the I give this game a 9/10 for
most points. The Warp Pipe fun gameplay, cool courses
community’s code can be and great Wi-Fi. It’s a great
seen on the front page of the game to play with
paper. friends, and I recommend
you buy this game
immediately.

The Warp Pipe Forums Newspaper Issue 2 1-2-12

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The Warp Pipe Forums Newspaper Issue 2 1-2-12