The document discusses the significance of the fifth commandment, which instructs children to honor their parents. It emphasizes that this commandment not only establishes a moral duty but also reflects the divine relationship between God, parents, and children, portraying parents as representatives of God. The paper also highlights the responsibilities of parents in fulfilling this commandment and the consequential promise of prolonged life for children who honor their parents.

1. THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT
EDITED BY GLENN PEASE
Exodus 20:12 12"Honoryour father and your mother,
so that you may livelong in the land the LORD your
God is giving you.
BIBLEHUB RESOURCES
Pulpit Commentary Homiletics
The Fifth Commandment: The Commandment For Children
Exodus 20:12
D. Young
I. LOOK AT THIS COMMANDMENTAS IT CONCERNED THE
PARENTS.
1. This commandment gave the parents an opportunity for telling the children
how it originated. Not only an opportunity, but we may say a necessity. It was
a commandment to children, through their parents. All the commandments,
statutes, and judgments, were to be taught diligently to the children
(Deuteronomy 6:7), and this one here would require very earnestand special
explanation in the family. It will be seenthat it was a commandment which
could not be isolated;a self-willed parent could not quote it with any
advantage for the sake ofupholding arbitrary authority. The Israelite parent
had to explain how these commandments were given; he had to narrate the
events in Sinai, and these in turn compelleda reference to the exodus and the
bitter experiences ofEgypt. Parents had well to considerhow much depended

2. on themselves in making their children duly acquainted with all the glorious
doings and strict requirements of Jehovah. If a parent had to deal with a
disobedient and despising child, he was able to point out that this requirement
of honouring father and mother was God's most strict requirement, and God
was he who had rule and authority over parent and child alike.
2. Thus father and mother were evidently required to honour themselves. No
specialverbal utterance was here required, telling father and mother to
remember the obligations to offspring, and anyway this was not the proper
place for it. The commandments here are universal commandments, such as
all men incur the temptation of breaking. Thus it was eminently fitting to have
a word for children, enjoining upon them the proper feeling towards parents;
as all know the filial relation, but all do not know the parental one. One of the
merits of the Decalogueis its brevity and sententiousness. No father could
expecthis children to honour the parental relation unless he did so himself;
and in measure as he more and more comprehended the import of the
relation, in that measure might his children be expectedto respond to his
treatment of them. "Honour all men," says the apostle Peter;and to do this
we must begin at home in our own life, and put the proper value on ourselves.
God has put immense honour on father and mother; and it is the curse, loss,
and fearful reservationof penalty for many parents that they do not see what
momentous interests have been put in their stewardship.
3. God thus showedhis earnestdesire to help parents in their arduous,
anxious work. The work of a parent in Israelwho had weighedall his
responsibilities was no light matter. Great opportunities were given him, and
greatthings might be done by him; things not to be done by any other teacher
or guide, and he had thus a very comforting assurance thatGod was his
helper. Helper to the father, and, bear in mind, to the mother also. It is
worthy of note that father and mother are speciallymentioned. She is not left
in the obscurity of a more generalterm. God would give to both of them
according to their peculiar opportunities all understanding, wisdom,
forbearance, steadfastness,discrimination of character, that might be
necessaryfor their work.

3. II. AS IT CONCERNEDTHE CHILDREN. A commandment was not needed
to teachchildren as to the making of some sort of distinction betweentheir
father and mother and other men and women. But, in order that the
distinction might be a right one, and evermore real and deepening in its
presence and influence, such a commandment as this was imperatively
needed. As we have said, it was a commandment universal in its scope,
because allare or have been in the filial relation, but as a matter of fact it
would address itself directly to the young. They were laid hold of as soonas
anything like intelligence, powerto obey, and powerto understand the
difference betweenright and wrong manifested themselves. Godcame and
made his claim upon them, in a way as suitable as any to their childish
consciousness. Theywere to honour father and mother, not because father
and mother saidso, but because Godsaid so. Plainly the honouring included
both deep inward feeling and clearoutward expression. The outward
expression, important as it was, could only come from real and habitual
feeling within. Outward expressionby itself counted for nothing. Honouring
with the lips while the heart was far removed from the parent would be
reckoneda grievous sin againstGod. The child had to grow up esteeming and
venerating the parental relation everywhere. It could not honour its own
father and mother and at the same time despise the parents of other children.
The promise here given obviously a suitable one for children. To them the
prospectof a long life, in the land already promised, was itself a promise
agreeable to the limitations of the old covenant, when there could be no
pointing in clearterms to the land beyond death; and we may be very sure
that, according to this promise, filial obedience had a corresponding temporal
reward. - Y.

4. Biblical Illustrator
Honour thy father and thy mother.
Exodus 20:12
The Fifth Commandment
R. W. Dale, D. D.
I. THE RELATIONSHIP in which we stand to our parents, a relationship
basedupon the fact that we owe our existence to them, that we are made in
their image, that for so long a time we depend on them for the actual
maintenance of life, and that, as the necessaryresult of all this, we are
completely under their authority during childhood. This relationship is
naturally made the highest symbol of our relationship to God Himself.
II. Honouring our parents INCLUDES RESPECT,LOVE, AND
OBEDIENCE, as long as childhood and youth continue, and the gradual
modification and transformation of these affections and duties into higher
forms as manhood and womanhooddraw on.
III. The promise attachedto the Commandment is A PROMISE OF
PROLONGEDNATIONALSTABILITY. St. Paul, slightly changing its form,
makes it a promise of long life to individuals. Common experience justifies the
change.

5. IV. There is one considerationthat may induce us to obey this Commandment
which does not belong to the other nine: THE TIME WILL COME WHEN IT
WILL BE NO LONGER POSSIBLE FOR US TO OBEYIT.
(R. W. Dale, D. D.)
The duties of youth
Bp. Harvey Goodwin.
I. CONSIDERVARIOUS WAYS IN WHICH A MAN MAY HONOUR HIS
FATHER AND MOTHER.
1. By doing his best in the wayof self-improvement.
2. By habits of care and frugality.
3. By keeping himself in soberness, temperance,and chastity.
II. HONOUR TO PARENTS IS ONLY THE PRINCIPAL AND MOST
IMPORTANT APPLICATION OF A GENERALPRINCIPLE. The apostle
bids us honour all men, and again, "In lowliness of mind let eachesteemother
better than themselves."
III. FROM THE CONCEPTION OF LOVE DUE TO FATHER AND
MOTHER WE RISE TO THE CONCEPTIONOF THE LOVE DUE TO
GOD. By what heavenly process shallwe melt the cold, hard law which
forbids idolatry, into the sweet, gentle principle of heart-worship and love? I
believe that in this respectthe First Commandment is much indebted to the
Second, which is like unto it, "Honour thy father." And so, when God
condescends to callHimself our Father, the clouds which concealHim from
our sight seemto break and vanish, and we feelthat we canlove and houour
Him, not merely acknowledge Him, and refuse to acceptothers besides Him:
not merely fear Him, as one too powerful to be safelyset at naught; not
merely philosophize about Him, and try to express His Infinite Being in some
scientific formula of human words. No; but love Him as a father ought to be
loved — with all our hearts, and souls, and strength.

6. (Bp. Harvey Goodwin.)
A promise and a duty
H. Crosby, D. D.
I. THE PROMISE. Expandedin Deuteronomy 5:16. The promise is of a long
and prosperous life. It is so plain that it canadmit of no other interpretation.
The only question can be, "Is it an individual or a national life that is here
meant?" But this is answered, first, by noticing that the command canonly be
kept by an individual person; and by a nation only as a number of
individuals; and hence, as the command is only addressedto the individual,
the prolongationof the individual life must be intended. The "thy" of "thy
days" must refer to the same person as the "thy"of "thy father and thy
mother." It is answered, secondly, that a long national careerofprosperity
presupposes and implies a goodlydegree of personallongevity and prosperity,
and that the latter is a cause ofthe former, while the former could in no sense
be considereda cause of the latter.
II. THE NATURE OF THE DUTY ENJOINED, The word "cabbed" is very
strong; it strictly means "loadwith honour," and is often used in reference to
the Deity. Obedience is only one of the more prominent practical forms of this
honour. The honour strikes deeperthan mere obedience — it touches the
heart, it bespeaks the affections. It is a reverence inwoven in the very nature,
connectedwith all the chords of being, and so coming to the surface in
obedience and outward respect. We notice —
1. That the command is not "Honour thy father and thy mother when they do
right." Our parents, like ourselves, are frail, and may commit error. If their
error absolvedtheir children from respect, there could be no filial piety in the
world. While the honour due to parents will not go to wickedor foolish
lengths, it will go to all reasonable and allowable lengths. It will submit to
inconvenience and loss;it will hold its private judgment of what is better in
abeyance;it will even keepits own clearlysuperior wisdom subject to the
parental prejudice. So long as conformity to the views and expressedwishes of

7. parents does not harm any third party, a right respectfor father and mother
will gracefullyyield and lay the self-denial on the altar of filial piety.
2. The command is not, "Honour thy father and thy mother while thou art a
little child." Many act as if they had no parents after they had reachedtheir
full stature, and some use this theory even earlier. Now, if to anybody this
command is not given, it is to the little child, for in his case nature and
necessityteachsome degree ofobedience and respectto parents, and hence
the command is comparatively unnecessaryto these.
III. Lastly I would ask if there is not NEED THAT GOD'S WILL IN THIS
MATTER BE OFTEN REHEARSEDIN OUR EARS. I would say not to little
children, "Be obedient to your parents," but rather to parents, "Make your
children obedient." It is all in your power. If you indulge your little ones in
little irreverences and little disobediences because itlooks "so cunning," and
foolish friends urge you to the dangerous pastime, then you will have the little
disobedient children grow to be big disobedient children, and they will bring
down your grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. Or if, through sheer
carelessnessand selfishlaziness, you avoid the active watchfulness and
discipline that are necessaryto ensure obedience, and to promote an obedient
habit, you will obtain the same disastrous result. Beware, too, how, in your
anxiety to have your boy a man before the time, you consentto his
consequentialswaggeratsixteen, and furnish him with a night-key as a help
to independence, in which you are destroying the bonds of dutiful humility
and respectfulsubmission with which Godbound him to you to preserve. It is
in this way I would apply the Fifth Commandment to young children through
the parents, who are responsible before God and man. But I also make the
specialapplication of the text to children of maturer growth. Let our
continued reverence forparent or parents still living, be of itself a glorious
example, deeply written on the thoughts and future memories of your own
children. Surround the old age which adorns and honours your household
with the tribute of your assiduous care, jealous ofits comfort and its dignity,
and coverits defects with the mantle, not of your charity, but of your filial
love and sympathy.
(H. Crosby, D. D.)

8. The Fifth Commandment
G. D. Boardmen.
I. THE DIVINE MANDATE.
1. It is not an arbitrary edict; but a natural principle, having its constitutional
basis in the very essenceofthe relation which subsists betweenparents and
children. The parent is to his child, in a certain sense, the representative and
symbol of God. It is a significant factthat the Romans denoted dutifulness to
the gods and dutifulness to parents by the same word, namely, pietas.
Allegiance, or amenability to law, this is a constitutional, constituent part of
manhood. And it is the parent (father and mother equally) who is the natural
symbol of authority. Parentage, insimple virtue of its being parentage, is
inherently imperative; it is of the very essence ofparentage that it is
constitutively and rightfully authoritative. Authorhood, genealogicallyas well
as etymologically, is the sire of authority.
2. But you interrupt me with a question, "Mustthe child always obey his
parents?" In the sphere of fundamental moral obligations, my father and I
stand on an equality before God; in this sphere he has no more right to
command me than I have to command him. But in the sphere of incidental,
shifting duties, my father is over me, and has a right to command me.
II. THE DIVINE PROMISE. Nothing is more certain, at least in a
physiologicalway, than this: Respectforparental authority tends to longevity;
filial reverence is itself an admirable hygiene. What was it that gave to Rome
its long-continued tremendous power and majesty? It was the patria potestas,
or paternal authority, before which every Romanyouth unquestioningly
bowed; for loyalty is the sire of royalty. Even China herself, although her
civilization was long ago arrestedand petrified, owes, Idoubt not, her
preservationthrough millenniums to the fealty of her children to their
ancestralcommandments and traditions.
III. THE PARENT IS A SYMBOL OF THE STATE. Whatthe parent is to
the child, that the State in many particulars is to the citizen, only vastly

9. augmented. In fact, no sooneris the infant born than he enters the jurisdiction
of law. As soonas he is able to notice relations and reasonabout them, so soon
does he perceive that he is under authority. One of the first lessons he learns is
this: There are some things which he must do, and some things which he must
not do; and these commands and prohibitions awakenthe ideas of law and
subordination. As he grows older, these ideas become more vivid and
dominant. And, finally, when he leaves home to take his position as a member
of society, he finds that the authority which had hitherto resided in his parents
has been transferred to the State. Accordingly, parental authority is the
grand, divinely-appointed educatorfor citizenship. Loyalty to parental law
prepares the way for loyalty to civic law.
IV. OUR THEME IS ESPECIALLY PERTINENT TO OUR OWN TIMES.
There are two tendencies in our land and age which make the discussionof
the Fifth Commandment particularly appropriate.
1. And first, our age is an age of innovation. Rage and frenzy will pull down
more in half an hour than prudence, deliberation, and foresight canbuild up
in a hundred years. Therefore do I lift up my voice in behalf of reverend
antiquity; doubly reverend, first, because it is antiquity; and secondly,
because, being antiquity, it is an oracle.
2. Secondly, our age is an age of anarchy or moral lawlessness.
V. HUMAN PARENTAGE IS A SYMBOLOF THE DIVINE. The Creator
ordained it, not so much for man's sake as for His ownsake, meaning that it
should serve as the ladder by which we may ascendto His own blessed
fatherhood, and joyously feel His paternal sway. And this is majesty indeed. It
is told of Daniel Websterthat, when a party of distinguished gentlemenwere
dining with him at his Marsh field home, and one of his guests askedhim what
single thing had contributed most to his personalsuccess, the famous
statesmanpausedfor a moment, and then, with greatsolemnity, replied, "I
think that the most fruitful and elevating influence I have ever felt has been
my impressionof my obligation to God." Believe me, no man is ever so
sublime as when he is consciouslyloyalto the King of kings;no man is ever so
supremely blessedas when he reverently sits at the feet of the Infinite Father.

10. (G. D. Boardmen.)
The parent and the nation
W. Senior, B. A.
1. First, Jehovahis the source of all life. "In Him we have our being." But the
parent is God's means by which He imparts life, the human channel through
which Divine life creates. The parent is the shrine of Divine power working
creatively. The parent, therefore, as the secondaryauthor of life, is to the child
a representative of God. A Divine sacredness, a reflectionof the Creator,
invests parents through whom life came and grew and was begotteninto time.
In the mysterious law of life, the link between the child and God is the parent.
2. Secondly, it is true that parental honour is here set down as a statute law of
Israel, but have we yet to learn that these "TenWords" express the
profoundest principles of human life? We may rest assuredthat the honour
which God claims for father and mother forms the germ of man at his best
and noblest state. Plato would fain have reconstructedthe Athenian national
life without the family life. Disraelionce saidin the House of Commons, "The
family is the unit of the nation." Plato came to the opposite conclusion, viz.,
the family life is the bane of the nation. He thought it bred selfishness, thatit
was detrimental to courage, thatit narrowedmen's interests and dulled the
spirit of patriotism, which prefers country to everything. Blot out reverence
for parents and life neither at the beginning nor the end is safe. What is the
true wealthof a nation? Is it not patriotic men and virtuous women? But
family life alone can produce these;the family life which is overshadowedby a
sense ofGod. Home obedience is the spirit which expands into the fine feeling
of the sanctity of law. Parentalhonour develops into loyalty to the Queenand
reverence for the constitution. The love of home and its dear ones grows big
with the love of country and with the self-sacrificing energiesofpatriotism.
But so it is also that the decline of home life, the loss of parental and filial
feeling, is the sure precursorof national decline. Loyalty, reverence, faith —
lose these, and the soul is lost out of the body politic. Its very heart and

11. strength are gone when these are gone. But these are the fruit of home. There
are three sources ofdanger — literary, political, and social.
1. As to the first, all atheistic theories which take awaythe glory from the
head of the parent rob the parental tie of its highestsanctity. When life is only
the result of material laws, reverence cannotrise higher than the nature of the
fact. A mere flesh and blood relationship will not yield a spiritual feeling.
Reverence cannotsustainitself on humanity alone, without God in the
background;no, neither reverence for man as man, nor for woman as woman.
All lustre dies away, and only commonness remains, barren of the emotions
which are the riches of human life.
2. Again, in the sphere of politics it has begun to look wise and liberal, and the
only practicalthing, to separate civil life from religion, and to draw a line of
distinction betweenChristianity and the nation. The tendency is setting in to
look to citizenship in the narrowestsense ofcommerce and material progress.
As certain as moral feeling is the truth of manhood, so certainis it that
educationor legislationwhich forgets or ignores the heart is guilty of a fatal
defect. When cleverness is divorced from the fear of God, rational selfishness
takes the place of honour and faith. It is this radical bias of the heart which
will confound all the hopes of mere secularists.Morals needto be sustained in
the affections orthey are barren precepts only; and they cannot be sustained
there except by a powerwhich is able to cope with our radicalselfishness and
overcome it. We have strong reasons, derived from history and human nature,
for believing that Christianity alone is capable of this. The immoral or even
the selfishwill never think rightly. Stop wrong feeling in one direction, it will
burst out in another. Out of the heart are the issues oflife. The voice of
prudence will never be the law of morals. It is an inference almost as certain
as actual fact that the spirit of atheistic communism has had no true home,
that is, no true moral training of the heart. It drifted loose from true feeling
before it drifted loose from true reasoning, though the two processeswere
doubtless deeply and inextricably intermingled.
3. But let us turn to the enemies of home in the socialsphere. I pass by the
danger of conceitedsuperficiality at home. But there is one dangerto the
English home which must be patent to all, vast, portentous, fearful — the

12. public-house. It swallows up comforts, decencies, and every possibility of
religiousness andgoodcitizenship. Materiallyand morally it works an awful
ruin. Homes being deteriorated and parents degraded, then young people
abandon them as early as possible. Novelty and sensationare the order of the
day. Like a fever it penetrates the very blood. To sit still, to meditate, to enjoy
home is getting beyond us. The Church, too, has been compelled to enter into
the competition. She must do it to fight againstsocialtemptations and moral
decline. But let the Church of Christ ever keepher high purpose in view. Let
her not degrade herself into a mere rival of sensationalamusement. She is the
mother of the nation, the ideal of the true home. Let her seek to restore it on
the Divine pattern by setting up the family altar and the Word of God. So
shall it be well with us, and so will our children live long on the earth.
(W. Senior, B. A.)
Parent and child
W. Senior, B. A.
The command is reflexive. It speaks to the child and says, "Honour";but in
that very word it springs back upon the parent and says, "Be honourable;
because in your honourableness your child shall grow reverent." Of all things
in this world the soul of a reverent child is the most beautiful and precious,
and therefore of all things in this world honourable parents are the most
important. One thing cannot be too strongly insisted on. Parentalgoodness
must be genuine and unaffected, of the heart, flowing easilythrough the life,
in order to evoke reverence.Unreality is sure to be detectedby-and-by, and
when children find out unreality in those who stand in the place of God —
God help them! It never does to give preceptinstead of example. Children
have strangelysensitive natures. They don't see through pretence, but after a
while they do more, they feel it. Brethren, there is much talk of culture now-a-
days. I venture to suggest,in the light of the requirements of this
Commandment, that the finest culture of all lies within the sphere of home
life, the life we seemto be in dangerof losing. The finest culture would come
from the endeavourto be worthy of a child's reverence, and trust, and love.

13. What does it need in the parent to be the child's ideal? It needs the cultivation
of truthfulness, and love, and unselfishness. To your own selves, to your own
higher nature, you must first be true in order to be true to them. The true
heaven of home can only be entered by the parents becoming as their own
darling child in innocence, sweetness, andgoodness.There is even something
higher still. It is through true parentage that the heart of God is best
understood, and best realized. He calls Himself "Father," and likens Himself
to a "Mother." The names are revelations;they are profound instructions.
God wants to shine down into His children's hearts through father and
mother. Only two last words.
1. First, to the young unmarried. Some may be thinking of marriage. Well,
marriage is of God, but mark the solemnimportance with which this
Commandment invests it. It is for God also. Marriage means parentage, and
parentage involves all this home life, all these influences of which we have
been speaking. Are you morally equal to marriage? Are you fit to be a parent
when yon think of all that is in this word "honour"? What sort of a mother
shall you give your children? What sort of a father?
2. Secondly, a word to the married who have children. It is in the nature of
things that parents love their children more than children love their parents.
The world is all new, to the young, their interests fly abroad. The parents have
more or less gone through that phase of life, and now concentrate their
thoughts and hopes upon the children's welfare. The child turns from the
parent after the illusions of life, the parent begins to live over againin the
child. The child accepts allthe thoughts, and love, and sacrifice as a matter of
course, unable, in fact, to realize the hidden life below them. Yes, such times
bring moments of almostanguish, but parents see. We are only feeling in our
turn what our parents felt before over us. Love on, and knowledge ofyou and
reverence shallsurely come to your children. You shall have your reward, it
may be, even here, in the protecting love which clings to your old age, and
warms and beautifies it, and prolongs the joys of home to the very gates of
death, and fills beyond them with visions of union and perfect bliss. But if not
here, then when the green sodcovers you your reward shall come in tears
which melt the soul of your wilful boy back into your arms; in memories
which make your waywardgirl long passionatelyto be pressedto a mother's

14. bosom. Then, I say, your love shall have its due reward. Only be true and
faithful, and kind and upright, and father and mother shall be knownat last.
Be comforted, your love is never lost.
(W. Senior, B. A.)
The Fifth Commandment
I. WHO IS MEANT HERE BY "FATHER"?
1. The political father, the magistrate. These fathers are to be honoured; for,
(1)Their place deserves honour.
(2)God hath promoted kings, that they may promote justice.Thesepolitical
fathers are to be honoured: "honour the king." And this honour is to be
shown by a civil respectto their persons, and a cheerful submission to their
laws, so far as they agree and run parallel with God's law.
2. There is the grave ancient father who is venerable for old age, whose grey
hairs are resembledto the white flowers of the almond-tree. There are fathers
for seniority, on whose wrinkledbrows, and in the furrows of whose cheeks is
pictured the map of old age. These fathers are to be honoured: "thou shalt
rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man."
3. There are spiritual fathers, as pastors and ministers. The spiritual fathers
are to be honoured.
(1)In respectof their office (Malachi 2:7; 2 Corinthians 5:20).
(2)Ministers, these spiritual fathers, are to be "honouredfor their work's
sake."
4. There is the economicalfather, that is, the master; he is the father of the
family, therefore Naaman's servants calledtheir master, "father." And the
centurion calls his servant, "son."
(1)In obeying his masterin things that are lawful and honest(1 Peter2:18).

15. (2)In being diligent in his service.
(3)By being faithful. That servant who is not true to his master, will never be
true to God or his own soul.
(4)The servantis to honour his master by serving him, as with love, for
willingness is more than the work, so with silence, that is, without repining,
and without replying: "exhort servants to be obedient to their masters, not
answering again";Greek, "not giving cross answers."
5. The natural father, the father of the flesh. Honour thy natural father.
Children are the vineyard of the parent's planting, and honour done to the
parent is some of the fruit of the vineyard.
II. WHEREIN ARE CHILDREN TO SHOW THEIR HONOUR TO THEIR
PARENTS?
1. In a reverential esteemof their persons.
(1)Inwardly, by fear mixed with love.
(2)Outwardly, in word and gesture.
2. In a careful obedience.
(1)In hearkening to their counsel.
(2)In subscribing to their commands.
(3)In relieving their wants.It is but paying the just debt. The young storks, by
the instinct of nature, bring meat to the old storks, whenby reasonof age they
are not able to fly. The memory of Eneas was honoured, for carrying his aged
father out of Troy when it was on fire.
( T. Watson.)
The law of subordination
W. J. Woods, B. A.

16. The importance of this commandment is indicated by
1. Its positive form;
2. Its relative place;and,
3. Its accompanying promise.
I. THE SCOPE OF THIS PRECEPT EMBRACESAN UNIVERSAL LAW
OF SUBORDINATIONWITH CORRESPONDING RELATIVE DUTIES.
1. A law of subordination is implied in the relation of a child to its parent.
2. This law of subordination is seenin similar relations to be the foundation of
society.(1)Everywhere the older men are in authority, and the new comers
must acceptsubjection.(2)Rank, wealth, station, genius, scholarship, and
other phases of powerexist around us, distinguishing certain individuals, and
enriching them with definite advantages which in effectdo subordinate other
persons to them.(3) The king is the father of a largerhousehold. Patriotism is
the love of home upon a grander scale.
3. The law of subordination being thus the broad foundation of society, and
the principle on which it is evidently constituted, this Divine order witnesses
for the Divine origin of man. Societyis now seento be not a heap of
unconnectedsand, but a living tree, whose multitudinous branches, meeting in
one stem, have their root in Him "from whom every fatherhoodin heavenand
on earth is named."
II. SOME OF THE MORE PROMINENTAPPLICATIONS OF THIS LAW.
All these include responsibility as well as authority in the superior, and
therefore rights as well as duties in the subordinate.
1. There is first the typical ease ofparent and child.
2. Closelyconnectedwith the relation of parent and child, and even
influencing it, is that mutual bond of husband and wife which affords the next
greatinstance of the law of subordination. In her motherhood woman is the
equal, in her wifehoodthe subordinate of man.

17. 3. There are manifold other relations which illustrate the law of subordination
— teachers and pupils, seniors and juniors, masters and servants, monarchs
and subjects, magistrates andcitizens, pastors and people.
(W. J. Woods, B. A.)
Lessons from the position of the Fifth Commandment
F. S. Schenck.
The position of this Commandment among the others has important
teachings. It is the centre, the heart of the whole law. Not only has Godgiven
us the powerto love, but He has placedus in relationships which callthis
powerinto exercise and give it right direction, especiallythe relationship of
parents and children. God says here to parents: "As you love your children, so
I love you. As you yearn for their responsive love, so I yearn for yours. I am
your Father." God says here to children: "Love your parents, and therein
learn to love Me, your Father." The position of this Commandment among
the others has a further teaching of greatimportance. The place of division
into the Two Tables of the Law is somewhatindistinct. It is in this
Commandment, but whether it belongs to the First Table, or to the Second, is
not quite clear. It certainly treats of duties to man, and so must belong to the
SecondTable. But hold! May not the parents be regardedas the
representatives ofGod? Then it belongs to the First Table. There is certainly a
strong analogyin the relationships. The parents are the nearestcause to the
child of its being, its continued existence and its welfare, and this through that
wonderful thing God has given them, parental love, which allies them so
closelyto Himself. We need not try to determine what God seems purposely to
have left indistinct. In the indistinctness is the lesson. We are apt to consider
duties to man separately, but Godjoins them indissolubly with duties to
Himself. The position of the Commandment in this indistinctness also shows
its greatimportance. Considering it as the last of the First Table we see that in
order that children shall become men and womenworshipping God in spirit
and in truth, they are to be taught and trained by honouring their parents.
Considering it as the first of the SecondTable, we see that in order that

18. children shall become men and women fulfilling their duties in the various
relations of life, they are to be taught and trained by honouring their parents.
Both religion and morality have their foundations laid in the home life of
children.
(F. S. Schenck.)
Reasonsfor honouring parents
F. S. Schenck.
1. The first and greatestis because Godcommands. His command is written in
our own natures and in this holy law. This reasonis above all others and
embraces all.
2. Such conduct gives the greatestpleasure to our parents, as the reverse
conduct brings to their hearts the keenestsuffering. We can never fully
appreciate all the care and love father and mother have bestowedupon us in
infancy and youth, in sicknessand in health, and the yearning of their hearts
for our love. Surely we should respond to their love — we should seek their
happiness.
3. Such conduct is itself excellent. There is something within us that approves
it, and condemns the reverse.
4. The Commandment itself contains a reasonfor obedience, in that it gives a
promise, an assurance thatin the providence of God obedience to this
Commandment will result in long life and prosperity. This sets forth a general
rule in the Divine government of the race, promoting stability in social
welfare. The child honouring his parents learns self-control, and obedience to
law, submission hearty and prompt to rightly constituted authority as a
principle of action. Such a child will in all probability become a man of like
character. He will obey the laws of health. Entering business he will obey the
laws of success, industry, perseverance, economy, enterprise. His powers
under full control, he will be also a law-abiding citizen in society. Such
charactertends to long life and the enjoyment of the gifts of God. A good

19. citizen enjoys the protectionof the state not only, but helps to form a
condition of socialwell-being. The child, on the other hand, who is disobedient
and disrespectfulto his parents, who sets aside their authority and God's
authority, is cultivating a law-breaking character. He will in all probability
become a self-willedman, setting at defiance the laws of God and man. Such a
life tends to the undermining of health by excesses, to the waste ofproperty by
abuse, to the running into dangers recklessly, and to the overthrow of social
well-being. Such a charactertends to shorten life and to forfeit the gifts of
God.
(F. S. Schenck.)
Forbearance towards erring parents
R. W. Dale, D. D.
How is a religious son or daughter to acttowards an irreligious parent? To
answerthat question in, detail would require a long discourse. Circumstances
sometimes make the duty of a child very perplexing. When a father comes
home drunk three times a week, violently abuses his daughter who opens the
door for him half dead with weariness andfright, curses her, sometimes
strikes her, drinks half her wages andnearly all his own, what ought she to
do? The principle which determines her duty is clear. The obligation to
honour her father is not relaxed. You are not releasedfrom a debt because the
man to whom you owe it is a drunkard or a profligate; and so irreligion, or
even vice in a parent, cannot release a child from filial duty. The application
of the principle to particular casesis, I acknowledge, sometimes extremely
difficult. Parentalcruelty occasionallybecomes intolerable. Fora child to
remain in some houses is to suffer perpetual misery. But the noble and
Christian course, as long as your strength is not utterly exhausted, is to
manifest the charity which "endureth all things." If your religionmakes you
more sensitive to the vices which disgrace the characterof your parents, it
should also enable you to bear their ill-treatment with more meekness and
patience. The consciousnessofyour own sins should make you more merciful
to theirs.

20. (R. W. Dale, D. D.)
Filial duty
Tenderness and sympathy were conspicuouslydisplayed in the characterof
the late Dr. Alexander Waugh. A young man of unimpeachable characterwas
desirous of entering upon missionarylabour, and was recommended to the
notice of the London MissionarySociety. He had passedthrough the usual
examination, but statedthat he had one difficulty — he had an agedmother
dependent upon an elder brother and himself for maintenance; in case ofhis
brother's death, he wishedto be at liberty to return home to support her.
Scarcelyhad he made this natural request than he heard the voice of one of
the directors exclaim, "If you love your mother more than the Lord Jesus, you
won't do for us." The young man was abashedand confounded, and he was
askedto retire while his case wasconsidered. Upon his return, Dr. Waugh,
who was in the chair, addressedhim with patriarchal dignity, telling him that
the committee did not feel themselves at liberty to accepthis services ona
condition involving uncertainty as to the term; but immediately added, "We
think none the worse ofyou, my goodlad, for your beautiful regardto your
agedparent. You are following the example of Him whose gospelyou wish to
proclaim among the heathen, who, when He hung upon the cross in dying
agonies, beholding His mother and His beloved disciple standing by, said to
the one, "Beholdthy son!" and to John, "Beholdthy mother!"
Filial piety
David Livingstone is saidto have learned Gaelic in order that he might be
able to read the Bible to his mother in that language, which was the one she
knew best.
Obligation to parents

21. The celebratedJonathanEdwards, who had the advantage of being trained by
singularly pious and judicious parents, wrote, when about twenty years of age,
in his diary: "I now plainly perceive what greatobligations I am under to love
and honour my parents. I have greatreasonto believe that their counseland
educationhave been my making; notwithstanding in the time of it, it seemed
to do me so little good."
A noble sentiment
A little boy hearing a party of gentlemen applauding the sentiment, "an
honest man is the noblest work of God," boldly said, "No";and being asked,
"What do you think is the noblestwork of God?" replied, "My mother." That
boy made a goodman. Who candoubt it?
Archbishop Tillotson's respectfor his father
There are some children who are almostashamedto own their parents,
because they are poor, or in a low situation of life. We will, therefore, give an
example of the contrary, as displayed by the Dean of Canterbury, afterwards
Archbishop Tillotson. His father, who was a plain Yorkshireman, approached
the house where his sonresided, and inquired whether "JohnTillotson was at
home." The servant, indignant at what he thought his insolence, drove him
from the door; but the Dean, who was within, hearing the voice of his father,
came running out, exclaiming, in the presence ofhis astonishedservants, "It is
my belovedfather!" and falling down on his knees, askedfor his blessing.
Honouring a parent
Frederick the Greatone day rang his bell severaltimes, and nobody came. He
opened the door, and found his page asleepin an arm-chair. Advancing to
awake him, he perceived the corner of a note peeping out of his pocket.
Curious to know what it was, he took it, and read it. It was a letter from the
mother of the youth, thanking him for sending her part of his wages, to relieve

22. her poverty. She concluded by telling him, that God would bless him for his
goodconduct. The king, after having read it, went softly into his room, took a
purse of ducats, and slipped it, with the letter, into the pocketof the page. He
returned, and rang his bell so loud, that the page awoke, andwent in. "Thou
hast slept well!" said the king. The page wished to excuse himself, and in his
confusionput his hand by chance into his pocket, and felt the purse with
astonishment. He drew it out, turned pale, and looking at the king, burst into
tears, without being able to utter a word. "What is the matter?" saidthe king;
"whathast thou?" "Ah! Sire," replied the youth, falling on his knees, "they
wish to ruin me; I do not know how this money came into my pocket." "My
friend," said Frederick, "Godoften sends us blessings while we are asleep.
Send that to thy mother, salute her from me, and say that I will take care of
her and thee."
Honour thy parents
An amiable youth was lamenting the death of a most affectionate parent. His
companions endeavoured to console him by the reflection that he had always
behaved to the deceasedwith duty, tenderness, and respect. "So I thought,"
replied the youth, "whilst my parent was living; but now I recollect, with pain
and sorrow, many instances of disobedience and neglect;for which, alas!it is
too late to make atonement."
Pleasing parents
Epaminondas, the Theban, after winning a battle, said, "My chief pleasure is,
that my parents will hear of my victory."
Beginright
R. Newton, D. D.

23. If you begin to put up a house, and lay the foundation wrong, or to build a
ship, and make a mistake in laying the keel, you'll have to take it all down and
begin again. Oh, it is very important to begin right! It is so in everything. And
it is so in trying to do our duty to our neighbour. The Fifth Commandment
shows us how we must begin to do this. We must begin at home. You show me
a boy or girl who is not a goodson or daughter, who does not honour father
and mother, and I will show you one who will not make a goodman or
woman.
(R. Newton, D. D.)
Kindness to parents
There is a celebratedcharity schoolin London, called the "Blue Coat School."
It bears this name because the scholars there all wearblue coats with long
skirts to them. I remember reading about one of the boys in this school, who
was in the habit of saving part of his own meals, and all the bits and scraps he
could gather from the table after their meals were over. He used to put them
in a box near his bed, and keepthem there. This led the other scholars to talk
againsthim very much. At first they thought he was greedy, and kept them
there to eat at night, when the restwere asleep. Some ofthem watchedhim,
but he was never seento eat them. Once or twice a week he used to make a
bundle of the contents of the box, and go awaywith it. Then the boys thought
that he meant to sellthem and keepthe money. They concluded that he was a
mean, miserly fellow. They refused to let him play with them. They joked
about him, and calledhim hard names, and persecutedhim in many ways.
But he bore it all patiently, and still went on, saving and carrying away all he
could honestly get. At last they complained of him to their teacher. The boy
was watchedwhen he took away the next bundle. He was seento go into an
old, worn-out building, occupied by some of the poorestpeople in the city.
There he made his way up to the fourth storeyof the building, and left his
bundle with a poor old couple. On inquiry it was found that these were his
parents. They were honest, worthy people, whom age and poverty had
reduced to such a condition of want that their chief dependence was the food

24. thus furnished by their son. He was willing to deprive himself of food, and
bear the reproachand persecutionof his schoolmates,in order to do what he
could for the support of his parents. When the managers ofthe schoolheard
of it, they provided relief for the poor boy's parents, and gave him a silver
medal for his praiseworthy conduct.
Dr. Johnsonand his father
J. Vaughan.
The greatDr. Johnsonwas a very learned man; he wrote a "dictionary." I
know what I am going to say is true. He lived in Uttoxeter. His father was a
bookseller, notin a very grand way, because he used to sell his books in the
market-place. One day he askedhis son Samuel(for that was the Christian
name of Dr. Johnson)to come down and help him in the sale of his books in
the market-place. Little Samuel was rather a sort of a dandy, a conceited
fellow; and he thought it beneath his dignity to sell books in the market-place.
"He demean himself to stand in the market.place to sell books, indeed, for his
father! He was too great a gentlemanfor that!" Fifty years passedaway, and
Dr. Johnsonhad become now an old man. It haunted him; he could not forget,
though more than fifty years had passed, — what he had done to his father, in
refusing to sell books in the market-place. He was very sad and unhappy
about it. So, one day, the doctortook off his hat, and went and stoodin the
same market-place, on the very spot where he said he would not stand to sell
books for his father. And all the boys laughed at him; but there he stoodwith
his bald head, not feeling the rain, or caring for the boys' laughter, that he
might do a sort of actof penance, to ease his conscience!He did not "honour
his father" when a boy, and he remembered it fifty years after, and it was a
pain to him. A statue to Dr. Johnsonnow stands on the spot, and this noble act
of his is depicted upon it.
(J. Vaughan.)
Parents are God's representatives

25. S. S. Times.
In battle, men will give their lives to prevent the raggedand shot-torn colours
of their country from falling into the hands of the enemy. These ragged
colours representtheir country. The dust-coveredmessengerwho carries
private despatches to an embassyin a foreign country is receivedwith all
respect, because he represents his king. Even the child who carries an
important messageis treatedwith the reverence due to the senderof the
message. So parents are to be honoured, not alone as parents, but as the
representatives ofGod Himself.
(S. S. Times.)
That thy days may be long
Long life
Dr. Talmage.
1. My design is to show you that practicalreligion is the friend of long life, and
I prove it first from the fact that it makes the care of our physical health a
positive Christian duty. The Christian man lifts this whole problem of health
into the accountable and the Divine. He says:"Godhas given me this body,
and He has calledit the temple of the Holy Ghost, and to deface its altars, or
mar its walls, or crumble its pillars, is a sacrilege." The Christianman says to
himself: "If I hurt my nerves, if I hurt my brain, if I hurt any of my physical
faculties, I insult God and callfor dire retribution." An intelligent Christian
man would consider it an absurdity to kneeldown at night and pray, and ask
God's protection, while at the same time he kept the windows of his bedroom
tight shut againstfresh air. The care of all your physical forces — nervous,
muscular, bone, brain, cellular, tissue — for all you must be brought to
judgment.
2. Again, I remark that practical religionis a friend of long life in the fact that
it is a protest againstall the dissipations which injure and destroy the health.
Bad men and womenlive a very short life; their sins kill them. Napoleon

26. Bonaparte lived only just beyond mid-life, then died at St. Helena, and one of
his doctors saidthat his disease wasdue to excessivesnuffing. The hero of
Austerlitz, the man who by one stepof his foot in the centre of Europe shook
the earth, killed by a snuff-box! Oh, how many people we have known who
have not lived out half their days because oftheir dissipations and
indulgences!Now, practicalreligion is a protest againstall dissipation of any
kind.
3. Again, religion is a friend of long life in the factthat it takes the worry out
of our temporalities. It is not work that kills men; it is worry. When a man
becomes a genuine Christian he makes overto God not only his affections, but
his family, his business, his reputation, his body, his mind, his soul —
everything. Oh, nervous and feverish people of the world, try this mighty
sedative!You will live twenty-five years longerunder its soothing power. It is
not chloralthat you want, or more time that you want; it is the Gospelof
Jesus Christ.
4. Again, practicalreligion is a friend of long life in the fact that it removes all
corroding care about a future existence. You have been accustomedto open
the door on this side the sepulchre; this morning I open the door on the other
side the sepulchre. Glory be to God for this robust, healthy religion. It will
have a tendency to make you live long in this world, and in the world to come
you will have eternal longevity.
(Dr. Talmage.)
Vindication of God's faithfulness
Bp. E. Hopkins.
We may boldly challenge long life, when all the circumstances ofit will tend to
our everlasting welfare. But God, who knows how frail and yielding the best
of us are, and in the series of His Divine Providence seethwhat prevailing
temptations we shall be exposedunto, doth oftentimes, in mercy, abridge this
promise; and takes us from the world, lest the world should take us from
Him; and deals with us, as princes deal with duellists, they make them

27. prisoners, that they might preserve them: so God, that He might preserve His
people from their greatenemy, commits them to safe custody of the grave.
And, if this be to be unfaithful, certainly His faithfulness would be nothing
else but an art to circumvent and undo us; should He, only to keepthat
inviolate, perform those promises, which would be to our hurt and detriment.
Nor, indeed, canany man, whom God hath blessedwith a right judgment and
due esteemof things, be willing to compound for the continuance of this
present life, with the hazard or diminution of his future happiness.
(Bp. E. Hopkins.)
STUDYLIGHT RESOURCES
Adam Clarke Commentary
Honor thy father and thy mother - There is a degree of affectionate respect
which is owing to parents, that no person else canproperly claim. For a
considerable time parents stand as it were in the place of God to their
children, and therefore rebellion againsttheir lawful commands has been
consideredas rebellion againstGod. This precepttherefore prohibits, not only
all injurious acts, irreverent and unkind speeches to parents, but enjoins all
necessaryacts ofkindness, filial respect, and obedience. We can scarcely
suppose that a man honors his parents who, when they fall weak, blind, or
sick, does not exert himself to the uttermost in their support. In such cases
God as truly requires the children to provide for their parents, as he required
the parents to feed, nourish, support, instruct, and defend the children when
they were in the loweststate ofhelpless in fancy. See Clarke's note on Genesis
48:12. The rabbins say, Honor the Lord with thy substance, Proverbs 3:9;
and, Honor thy father and mother. The Lord is to be honored thus if thou
have it; thy father and mother, whether thou have it or not; for if thou have
nothing, thou art bound to beg for them. See Ainsworth.

28. That thy days may be long - This, as the apostle observes, Ephesians 6:2, is the
first commandment to which God has annexed a promise; and therefore we
may learn in some measure how important the duty is in the sight of God. In
Deuteronomy 5:16; it is said, And that it may go wellwith thee; we may
therefore conclude that it will go ill with the disobedient; and there is no
doubt that the untimely deaths of many young persons are the judicial
consequence oftheir disobedience to their parents. Most who come to an
untimely end are obligedto confess thatthis, with the breach of the Sabbath,
was the principal cause oftheir ruin. Reader, art thou guilty? Humble thyself
therefore before God, and repent. 1. As children are bound to succortheir
parents, so parents are bound to educate and instruct their children in all
useful and necessaryknowledge,and not to bring them up either in ignorance
or idleness. 2. They should teach their children the fear and knowledge of
God, for how can they expectaffectionor dutiful respectfrom those who have
not the fear of God before their eyes? Those who are best educatedare
generallythe most dutiful. Heathens also inculcatedrespectto parents.
Ουδεν προς θεων τιμιωτεροναγαλμα αν κτησαιμεθαπατρος και προπατορος
παρειμενων γηρᾳ, και μητερων την αυτηνδυναμιν εχουσων· οὑς ὁυταν
αγαλλῃ τις, τιμαις γεγηθενὁ θεος.π - Πας δη νουν εχων φοβειται και τιμᾳ,
γονενων ευχας ειδως πολλοις και πολλακις επιτελεις γενομενας .
Plato de Leg., lib. xi., vol. ix, p. 160. Ed. Bipont.
"We can obtain no more honorable possessionfrom the gods than fathers and
forefathers worn down with age, and mothers who have undergone the same
change, whom when we delight, God is pleasedwith the honor; and every one
that is governedby right understanding fears and reverences them, well
knowing that the prayers of parents oftentimes, and in many particulars, have
receivedfull accomplishment."
Copyright Statement
These files are public domain.

29. Bibliography
Clarke, Adam. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "The Adam Clarke
Commentary". https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/acc/exodus-
20.html. 1832.
return to 'Jump List'
The Biblical Illustrator
Exodus 20:12
Honour thy father and thy mother.
The Fifth Commandment
I. The relationship in which we stand to our parents, a relationship based
upon the factthat we owe our existence to them, that we are made in their
image, that for so long a time we depend on them for the actual maintenance
of life, and that, as the necessaryresultof all this, we are completely under
their authority during childhood. This relationship is naturally made the
highest symbol of our relationship to God Himself.
II. Honouring our parents includes respect, love, and obedience, as long as
childhood and youth continue, and the gradual modification and
transformation of these affections and duties into higher forms as manhood
and womanhooddraw on.
III. The promise attachedto the Commandment is a promise of prolonged
national stability. St. Paul, slightly changing its form, makes it a promise of
long life to individuals. Common experience justifies the change.

30. IV. There is one considerationthat may induce us to obey this Commandment
which does not belong to the other nine: the time will come when it will be no
longerpossible for us to obey it. (R. W. Dale, D. D.)
The duties of youth
I. Considervarious ways in which a man may honour his father and mother.
1. By doing his best in the wayof self-improvement.
2. By habits of care and frugality.
3. By keeping himself in soberness, temperance,and chastity.
II. Honour to parents is only the principal and most important application of
a generalprinciple. The apostle bids us honour all men, and again, “In
lowliness ofmind let eachesteemother better than themselves.”
III. From the conceptionof love due to father and mother we rise to the
conceptionof the love due to God. By what heavenly process shallwe melt the
cold, hard law which forbids idolatry, into the sweet, gentle principle of heart-
worship and love? I believe that in this respectthe First Commandment is
much indebted to the Second, which is like unto it, “Honour thy father.” And
so, when God condescends to callHimself our Father, the clouds which
concealHim from our sight seemto break and vanish, and we feel that we can
love and houour Him, not merely acknowledgeHim, and refuse to accept
others besides Him: not merely fearHim, as one too powerful to be safely set
at naught; not merely philosophize about Him, and try to express His Infinite
Being in some scientific formula of human words. No; but love Him as a
father ought to be loved--with all our hearts, and souls, and strength. (Bp.
Harvey Goodwin.)
A promise and a duty

31. I. The promise. Expanded in Deuteronomy 5:16. The promise is of a long and
prosperous life. It is so plain that it canadmit of no other interpretation. The
only question can be, “Is it an individual or a national life that is here
meant?” But this is answered, first, by noticing that the command canonly be
kept by an individual person; and by a nation only as a number of
individuals; and hence, as the command is only addressedto the individual,
the prolongationof the individual life must be intended. The “thy” of “thy
days” must refer to the same person as the “thy”of “thy father and thy
mother.” It is answered, secondly, that a long national careerofprosperity
presupposes and implies a goodlydegree of personallongevity and prosperity,
and that the latter is a cause ofthe former, while the former could in no sense
be considereda cause of the latter.
II. The nature of the duty enjoined, The word “cabbed” is very strong; it
strictly means “loadwith honour,” and is often used in reference to the Deity.
Obedience is only one of the more prominent practicalforms of this honour.
The honour strikes deeperthan mere obedience--ittouches the heart, it
bespeaks the affections. It is a reverence inwoven in the very nature,
connectedwith all the chords of being, and so coming to the surface in
obedience and outward respect. We notice--
1. That the command is not “Honour thy father and thy mother when they do
right.” Our parents, like ourselves, are frail, and may commit error. If their
error absolvedtheir children from respect, there could be no filial piety in the
world. While the honour due to parents will not go to wickedor foolish
lengths, it will go to all reasonable and allowable lengths. It will submit to
inconvenience and loss;it will hold its private judgment of what is better in
abeyance;it will even keepits own clearlysuperior wisdom subject to the
parental prejudice. So long as conformity to the views and expressedwishes of
parents does not harm any third party, a right respectfor father and mother
will gracefullyyield and lay the self-denial on the altar of filial piety.

32. 2. The command is not, “Honour thy father and thy mother while thou art a
little child.” Many act as if they had no parents after they had reachedtheir
full stature, and some use this theory even earlier. Now, if to anybody this
command is not given, it is to the little child, for in his case nature and
necessityteachsome degree ofobedience and respectto parents, and hence
the command is comparatively unnecessaryto these.
III. Lastly I would ask if there is not need that God’s will in this matter be
often rehearsedin our ears. I would say not to little children, “Be obedient to
your parents,” but rather to parents, “Make yourchildren obedient.” It is all
in your power. If you indulge your little ones in little irreverences and little
disobediences becauseit looks “so cunning,” and foolish friends urge you to
the dangerous pastime, then you will have the little disobedient children grow
to be big disobedient children, and they will bring down your grey hairs with
sorrow to the grave. Or if, through sheercarelessnessand selfishlaziness, you
avoid the active watchfulness and discipline that are necessaryto ensure
obedience, and to promote an obedient habit, you will obtain the same
disastrous result. Beware,too, how, in your anxiety to have your boy a man
before the time, you consentto his consequentialswaggeratsixteen, and
furnish him with a night-key as a help to independence, in which you are
destroying the bonds of dutiful humility and respectful submission with which
God bound him to you to preserve. It is in this way I would apply the Fifth
Commandment to young children through the parents, who are responsible
before God and man. But I also make the specialapplication of the text to
children of maturer growth. Let our continued reverence for parent or
parents still living, be of itself a glorious example, deeply written on the
thoughts and future memories of your own children. Surround the old age
which adorns and honours your household with the tribute of your assiduous
care, jealous ofits comfort and its dignity, and coverits defects with the
mantle, not of your charity, but of your filial love and sympathy. (H. Crosby,
D. D.)
The Fifth Commandment

33. I. The Divine mandate.
1. It is not an arbitrary edict; but a natural principle, having its constitutional
basis in the very essenceofthe relation which subsists betweenparents and
children. The parent is to his child, in a certain sense, the representative and
symbol of God. It is a significant factthat the Romans denoted dutifulness to
the gods and dutifulness to parents by the same word, namely, pietas.
Allegiance, or amenability to law, this is a constitutional, constituent part of
manhood. And it is the parent (father and mother equally) who is the natural
symbol of authority. Parentage, insimple virtue of its being parentage, is
inherently imperative; it is of the very essence ofparentage that it is
constitutively and rightfully authoritative. Authorhood, genealogicallyas well
as etymologically, is the sire of authority.
2. But you interrupt me with a question, “Mustthe child always obey his
parents?” In the sphere of fundamental moral obligations, my father and I
stand on an equality before God; in this sphere he has no more right to
command me than I have to command him. But in the sphere of incidental,
shifting duties, my father is over me, and has a right to command me.
II. The Divine promise. Nothing is more certain, at leastin a physiological
way, than this: Respectfor parental authority tends to longevity; filial
reverence is itself an admirable hygiene. What was it that gave to Rome its
long-continued tremendous power and majesty? It was the patria potestas, or
paternal authority, before which every Roman youth unquestioningly bowed;
for loyalty is the sire of royalty. Even China herself, although her civilization
was long ago arrestedand petrified, owes, I doubt not, her preservation
through millenniums to the fealty of her children to their ancestral
commandments and traditions.
III. The parent is a symbol of the State. What the parent is to the child, that
the State in many particulars is to the citizen, only vastly augmented. In fact,

34. no sooneris the infant born than he enters the jurisdiction of law. As soonas
he is able to notice relations and reasonabout them, so soondoes he perceive
that he is under authority. One of the first lessons he learns is this: There are
some things which he must do, and some things which he must not do; and
these commands and prohibitions awakenthe ideas of law and subordination.
As he grows older, these ideas become more vivid and dominant. And, finally,
when he leaves home to take his position as a member of society, he finds that
the authority which had hitherto resided in his parents has been transferred
to the State. Accordingly, parental authority is the grand, divinely-appointed
educatorfor citizenship. Loyalty to parental law prepares the way for loyalty
to civic law.
IV. Our theme is especiallypertinent to our own times. There are two
tendencies in our land and age which make the discussionof the Fifth
Commandment particularly appropriate.
1. And first, our age is an age of innovation. Rage and frenzy will pull down
more in half an hour than prudence, deliberation, and foresight canbuild up
in a hundred years. Therefore do I lift up my voice in behalf of reverend
antiquity; doubly reverend, first, because it is antiquity; and secondly,
because, being antiquity, it is an oracle.
2. Secondly, our age is an age of anarchy or moral lawlessness.
V. Human parentage is a symbol of the Divine. The Creatorordained it, not so
much for man’s sake as for His own sake,meaning that it should serve as the
ladder by which we may ascendto His own blessedfatherhood, and joyously
feel His paternal sway. And this is majesty indeed. It is told of Daniel Webster
that, when a party of distinguished gentlemenwere dining with him at his
Marsh field home, and one of his guests askedhim what single thing had
contributed most to his personalsuccess, the famous statesmanpausedfor a
moment, and then, with greatsolemnity, replied, “I think that the most
fruitful and elevating influence I have ever felt has been my impression of my

35. obligation to God.” Believe me, no man is ever so sublime as when he is
consciouslyloyalto the King of kings; no man is ever so supremely blessedas
when he reverently sits at the feetof the Infinite Father. (G. D. Boardmen.)
The parent and the nation
1. First, Jehovahis the source of all life. “In Him we have our being.” But the
parent is God’s means by which He imparts life, the human channel through
which Divine life creates. The parent is the shrine of Divine power working
creatively. The parent, therefore, as the secondaryauthor of life, is to the child
a representative of God. A Divine sacredness, a reflectionof the Creator,
invests parents through whom life came and grew and was begotteninto time.
In the mysterious law of life, the link betweenthe child and God is the parent.
2. Secondly, it is true that parental honour is here set down as a statute law of
Israel, but have we yet to learn that these “TenWords” express the
profoundest principles of human life? We may rest assuredthat the honour
which God claims for father and mother forms the germ of man at his best
and noblest state. Plato would fain have reconstructedthe Athenian national
life without the family life. Disraeli once saidin the House of Commons, “The
family is the unit of the nation.” Plato came to the opposite conclusion, viz.,
the family life is the bane of the nation. He thought it bred selfishness, thatit
was detrimental to courage, thatit narrowedmen’s interests and dulled the
spirit of patriotism, which prefers country to everything. Blot out reverence
for parents and life neither at the beginning nor the end is safe. What is the
true wealthof a nation? Is it not patriotic men and virtuous women? But
family life alone can produce these;the family life which is overshadowedby a
sense ofGod. Home obedience is the spirit which expands into the fine feeling
of the sanctity of law. Parentalhonour develops into loyalty to the Queenand
reverence for the constitution. The love of home and its dear ones grows big
with the love of country and with the self-sacrificing energiesofpatriotism.
But so it is also that the decline of home life, the loss of parental and filial
feeling, is the sure precursorof national decline. Loyalty, reverence, faith--
lose these, and the soul is lost out of the body politic. Its very heart and
strength are gone when these are gone. But these are the fruit of home. There
are three sources ofdanger--literary, political, and social.

36. 1. As to the first, all atheistic theories which take awaythe glory from the
head of the parent rob the parental tie of its highestsanctity. When life is only
the result of material laws, reverence cannotrise higher than the nature of the
fact. A mere flesh and blood relationship will not yield a spiritual feeling.
Reverence cannotsustainitself on humanity alone, without God in the
background;no, neither reverence for man as man, nor for woman as woman.
All lustre dies away, and only commonness remains, barren of the emotions
which are the riches of human life.
2. Again, in the sphere of politics it has begun to look wise and liberal, and the
only practicalthing, to separate civil life from religion, and to draw a line of
distinction betweenChristianity and the nation. The tendency is setting in to
look to citizenship in the narrowestsense ofcommerce and material progress.
As certain as moral feeling is the truth of manhood, so certainis it that
educationor legislationwhich forgets or ignores the heart is guilty of a fatal
defect. When cleverness is divorced from the fear of God, rational selfishness
takes the place of honour and faith. It is this radical bias of the heart which
will confound all the hopes of mere secularists.Morals needto be sustained in
the affections orthey are barren precepts only; and they cannot be sustained
there except by a powerwhich is able to cope with our radicalselfishness and
overcome it. We have strong reasons, derived from history and human nature,
for believing that Christianity alone is capable of this. The immoral or even
the selfishwill never think rightly. Stop wrong feeling in one direction, it will
burst out in another. Out of the heart are the issues oflife. The voice of
prudence will never be the law of morals. It is an inference almost as certain
as actual factthat the spirit of atheistic communism has had no true home,
that is, no true moral training of the heart. It drifted loose from true feeling
before it drifted loose from true reasoning, though the two processeswere
doubtless deeply and inextricably intermingled.
3. But let us turn to the enemies of home in the socialsphere. I pass by the
danger of conceitedsuperficiality at home. But there is one dangerto the
English home which must be patent to all, vast, portentous, fearful--the
public-house. It swallows up comforts, decencies, and every possibility of
religiousness andgoodcitizenship. Materiallyand morally it works an awful
ruin. Homes being deteriorated and parents degraded, then young people

37. abandon them as early as possible. Novelty and sensationare the order of the
day. Like a fever it penetrates the very blood. To sit still, to meditate, to enjoy
home is getting beyond us. The Church, too, has been compelled to enter into
the competition. She must do it to fight againstsocialtemptations and moral
decline. But let the Church of Christ ever keepher high purpose in view. Let
her not degrade herself into a mere rival of sensationalamusement. She is the
mother of the nation, the ideal of the true home. Let her seek to restore it on
the Divine pattern by setting up the family altar and the Word of God. So
shall it be well with us, and so will our children live long on the earth. (W.
Senior, B. A.)
Parent and child
The command is reflexive. It speaks to the child and says, “Honour”;but in
that very word it springs back upon the parent and says, “Be honourable;
because in your honourableness your child shall grow reverent.” Of all things
in this world the soul of a reverent child is the most beautiful and precious,
and therefore of all things in this world honourable parents are the most
important. One thing cannot be too strongly insisted on. Parentalgoodness
must be genuine and unaffected, of the heart, flowing easilythrough the life,
in order to evoke reverence.Unreality is sure to be detectedby-and-by, and
when children find out unreality in those who stand in the place of God--God
help them! It never does to give preceptinstead of example. Children have
strangelysensitive natures. They don’t see through pretence, but after a while
they do more, they feel it. Brethren, there is much talk of culture now-a-days.
I venture to suggest, in the light of the requirements of this Commandment,
that the finest culture of all lies within the sphere of home life, the life we seem
to be in danger of losing. The finest culture would come from the endeavourto
be worthy of a child’s reverence, and trust, and love. What does it need in the
parent to be the child’s ideal? It needs the cultivation of truthfulness, and
love, and unselfishness. To your own selves, to your own higher nature, you
must first be true in order to be true to them. The true heavenof home can
only be entered by the parents becoming as their own darling child in
innocence, sweetness, andgoodness.There is evensomething higher still. It is
through true parentage that the heart of God is best understood, and best
realized. He calls Himself “Father,” and likens Himself to a “Mother.” The

38. names are revelations;they are profound instructions. God wants to shine
down into His children’s hearts through father and mother. Only two last
words.
1. First, to the young unmarried. Some may be thinking of marriage. Well,
marriage is of God, but mark the solemnimportance with which this
Commandment invests it. It is for God also. Marriage means parentage, and
parentage involves all this home life, all these influences of which we have
been speaking. Are you morally equal to marriage? Are you fit to be a parent
when yon think of all that is in this word “honour”? What sort of a mother
shall you give your children? What sort of a father?
2. Secondly, a word to the married who have children. It is in the nature of
things that parents love their children more than children love their parents.
The world is all new, to the young, their interests fly abroad. The parents have
more or less gone through that phase of life, and now concentrate their
thoughts and hopes upon the children’s welfare. The child turns from the
parent after the illusions of life, the parent begins to live over againin the
child. The child accepts allthe thoughts, and love, and sacrifice as a matter of
course, unable, in fact, to realize the hidden life below them. Yes, such times
bring moments of almostanguish, but parents see. We are only feeling in our
turn what our parents felt before over us. Love on, and knowledge ofyou and
reverence shallsurely come to your children. You shall have your reward, it
may be, even here, in the protecting love which clings to your old age, and
warms and beautifies it, and prolongs the joys of home to the very gates of
death, and fills beyond them with visions of union and perfect bliss. But if not
here, then when the green sodcovers you your reward shall come in tears
which melt the soul of your wilful boy back into your arms; in memories
which make your waywardgirl long passionatelyto be pressedto a mother’s
bosom. Then, I say, your love shall have its due reward. Only be true and
faithful, and kind and upright, and father and mother shall be knownat last.
Be comforted, your love is never lost. (W. Senior, B. A.)
The Fifth Commandment

39. I. Who is meant here by “father”?
1. The political father, the magistrate. These fathers are to be honoured; for,
These politicalfathers are to be honoured: “honour the king.” And this
honour is to be shown by a civil respectto their persons, and a cheerful
submission to their laws, so far as they agree and run parallel with God’s law.
2. There is the grave ancient father who is venerable for old age, whose grey
hairs are resembledto the white flowers of the almond-tree. There are fathers
for seniority, on whose wrinkledbrows, and in the furrows of whose cheeks is
pictured the map of old age. These fathers are to be honoured: “thou shalt rise
up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man.”
3. There are spiritual fathers, as pastors and ministers. The spiritual fathers
are to be honoured.
4. There is the economicalfather, that is, the master; he is the father of the
family, therefore Naaman’s servants calledtheir master, “father.” And the
centurion calls his servant, “son.”
5. The natural father, the father of the flesh. Honour thy natural father.
Children are the vineyard of the parent’s planting, and honour done to the
parent is some of the fruit of the vineyard.
II. Wherein are children to show their honour to their parents?
1. In a reverential esteemof their persons.
2. In a careful obedience.
It is but paying the just debt. The young storks, by the instinct of nature,
bring meat to the old storks, whenby reasonof age they are not able to fly.
The memory of Eneas was honoured, for carrying his agedfather out of Troy
when it was on fire. (T. Watson.)
The law of subordination
The importance of this commandment is indicated by

40. 1. Its positive form;
2. Its relative place;and,
3. Its accompanying promise.
I. The scope of this preceptembraces an universal law of subordination with
corresponding relative duties.
1. A law of subordination is implied in the relation of a child to its parent.
2. This law of subordination is seenin similar relations to be the foundation of
society.
3. The law of subordination being thus the broad foundation of society, and
the principle on which it is evidently constituted, this Divine order witnesses
for the Divine origin of man. Societyis now seento be not a heap of
unconnectedsand, but a living tree, whose multitudinous branches, meeting in
one stem, have their root in Him “from whom every fatherhoodin heavenand
on earth is named.”
II. Some of the more prominent applications of this Law. All these include
responsibility as well as authority in the superior, and therefore rights as well
as duties in the subordinate.
1. There is first the typical ease ofparent and child.
2. Closelyconnectedwith the relation of parent and child, and even
influencing it, is that mutual bond of husband and wife which affords the next
greatinstance of the law of subordination. In her motherhood woman is the
equal, in her wifehoodthe subordinate of man.
3. There are manifold other relations which illustrate the law of
subordination--teachers and pupils, seniors and juniors, masters and servants,
monarchs and subjects, magistrates and citizens, pastors and people. (W. J.
Woods, B. A.)

41. Lessons from the position of the Fifth Commandment
The position of this Commandment among the others has important
teachings. It is the centre, the heart of the whole law. Not only has Godgiven
us the powerto love, but He has placedus in relationships which callthis
powerinto exercise and give it right direction, especiallythe relationship of
parents and children. God says here to parents: “As you love your children, so
I love you. As you yearn for their responsive love, so I yearn for yours. I am
your Father.” God says here to children: “Love your parents, and therein
learn to love Me, your Father.” The position of this Commandment among the
others has a further teaching of greatimportance. The place of division into
the Two Tables ofthe Law is somewhatindistinct. It is in this Commandment,
but whether it belongs to the First Table, or to the Second, is not quite clear. It
certainly treats of duties to man, and so must belong to the SecondTable. But
hold! May not the parents be regardedas the representatives ofGod? Then it
belongs to the First Table. There is certainly a strong analogyin the
relationships. The parents are the nearestcause to the child of its being, its
continued existence and its welfare, and this through that wonderful thing
God has given them, parental love, which allies them so closelyto Himself. We
need not try to determine what God seems purposely to have left indistinct. In
the indistinctness is the lesson. We are apt to considerduties to man
separately, but God joins them indissolubly with duties to Himself. The
position of the Commandment in this indistinctness also shows its great
importance. Considering it as the lastof the First Table we see that in order
that children shall become men and women worshipping God in spirit and in
truth, they are to be taught and trained by honouring their parents.
Considering it as the first of the SecondTable, we see that in order that
children shall become men and womenfulfilling their duties in the various
relations of life, they are to be taught and trained by honouring their parents.
Both religion and morality have their foundations laid in the home life of
children. (F. S. Schenck.)
Reasonsfor honouring parents

42. 1. The first and greatestis because Godcommands. His command is written in
our own natures and in this holy law. This reasonis above all others and
embraces all.
2. Such conduct gives the greatestpleasure to our parents, as the reverse
conduct brings to their hearts the keenestsuffering. We can never fully
appreciate all the care and love father and mother have bestowedupon us in
infancy and youth, in sicknessand in health, and the yearning of their hearts
for our love. Surely we should respond to their love--we should seek their
happiness.
3. Such conduct is itself excellent. There is something within us that approves
it, and condemns the reverse.
4. The Commandment itself contains a reasonfor obedience, in that it gives a
promise, an assurance thatin the providence of God obedience to this
Commandment will result in long life and prosperity. This sets forth a general
rule in the Divine government of the race, promoting stability in social
welfare. The child honouring his parents learns self-control, and obedience to
law, submission hearty and prompt to rightly constituted authority as a
principle of action. Such a child will in all probability become a man of like
character. He will obey the laws of health. Entering business he will obey the
laws of success, industry, perseverance, economy, enterprise. His powers
under full control, he will be also a law-abiding citizen in society. Such
charactertends to long life and the enjoyment of the gifts of God. A good
citizen enjoys the protectionof the state not only, but helps to form a
condition of socialwell-being. The child, on the other hand, who is disobedient
and disrespectfulto his parents, who sets aside their authority and God’s
authority, is cultivating a law-breaking character. He will in all probability
become a self-willedman, setting at defiance the laws of God and man. Such a
life tends to the undermining of health by excesses, to the waste ofproperty by
abuse, to the running into dangers recklessly, and to the overthrow of social
well-being. Such a charactertends to shorten life and to forfeit the gifts of
God. (F. S. Schenck.)
Forbearance towards erring parents

43. How is a religious son or daughter to acttowards an irreligious parent? To
answerthat question in, detail would require a long discourse. Circumstances
sometimes make the duty of a child very perplexing. When a father comes
home drunk three times a week, violently abuses his daughter who opens the
door for him half dead with weariness andfright, curses her, sometimes
strikes her, drinks half her wages andnearly all his own, what ought she to
do? The principle which determines her duty is clear. The obligation to
honour her father is not relaxed. You are not releasedfrom a debt because the
man to whom you owe it is a drunkard or a profligate; and so irreligion, or
even vice in a parent, cannot release a child from filial duty. The application
of the principle to particular easesis, I acknowledge, sometimes extremely
difficult. Parentalcruelty occasionallybecomes intolerable. Fora child to
remain in some houses is to suffer perpetual misery. But the noble and
Christian course, as long as your strength is not utterly exhausted, is to
manifest the charity which “endureth all things.” If your religion makes you
more sensitive to the vices which disgrace the characterof your parents, it
should also enable you to bear their ill-treatment with more meekness and
patience. The consciousnessofyour own sins should make you more merciful
to theirs. (R. W. Dale, D. D.)
Filial duty
Tenderness and sympathy were conspicuouslydisplayed in the characterof
the late Dr. Alexander Waugh. A young man of unimpeachable characterwas
desirous of entering upon missionarylabour, and was recommended to the
notice of the London MissionarySociety. He had passedthrough the usual
examination, but statedthat he had one difficulty--he had an agedmother
dependent upon an elder brother and himself for maintenance; in case ofhis
brother’s death, he wishedto be at liberty to return home to support her.
Scarcelyhad he made this natural request than he heard the voice of one of
the directors exclaim, “If you love your mother more than the Lord Jesus, you
won’t do for us.” The young man was abashedand confounded, and he was
askedto retire while his case wasconsidered. Upon his return, Dr. Waugh,
who was in the chair, addressedhim with patriarchal dignity, telling him that
the committee did not feel themselves at liberty to accepthis services ona
condition involving uncertainty as to the term; but immediately added, “We

44. think none the worse ofyou, my goodlad, for your beautiful regardto your
agedparent. You are following the example of Him whose gospelyou wish to
proclaim among the heathen, who, when He hung upon the cross in dying
agonies, beholding His mother and His beloved disciple standing by, said to
the one, “Beholdthy son!” and to John, “Beholdthy mother!”
Filial piety
David Livingstone is saidto have learned Gaelic in order that he might be
able to read the Bible to his mother in that language, which was the one she
knew best.
Obligation to parents
The celebratedJonathanEdwards, who had the advantage of being trained by
singularly pious and judicious parents, wrote, when about twenty years of age,
in his diary: “I now plainly perceive what greatobligations I am under to love
and honour my parents. I have greatreasonto believe that their counseland
educationhave been my making; notwithstanding in the time of it, it seemed
to do me so little good.”
A noble sentiment
A little boy hearing a party of gentlemen applauding the sentiment, “an
honest man is the noblest work of God,” boldly said, “No”;and being asked,
“What do you think is the noblestwork of God?” replied, “My mother.” That
boy made a goodman. Who candoubt it?
Archbishop Tillotson’s respectfor his father
There are some children who are almostashamedto own their parents,
because they are poor, or in a low situation of life. We will, therefore, give an
example of the contrary, as displayed by the Dean of Canterbury, afterwards
Archbishop Tillotson. His father, who was a plain Yorkshireman, approached
the house where his sonresided, and inquired whether “JohnTillotson was at
home.” The servant, indignant at what he thought his insolence, drove him
from the door; but the Dean, who was within, hearing the voice of his father,

45. came running out, exclaiming, in the presence ofhis astonishedservants, “It is
my belovedfather!” and falling down on his knees, askedfor his blessing.
Honouring a parent
Frederick the Greatone day rang his bell severaltimes, and nobody came. He
opened the door, and found his page asleepin an arm-chair. Advancing to
awake him, he perceived the corner of a note peeping out of his pocket.
Curious to know what it was, he took it, and read it. It was a letter from the
mother of the youth, thanking him for sending her part of his wages, to relieve
her poverty. She concluded by telling him, that God would bless him for his
goodconduct. The king, after having read it, went softly into his room, took a
purse of ducats, and slipped it, with the letter, into the pocketof the page. He
returned, and rang his bell so loud, that the page awoke, andwent in. “Thou
hast slept well!” said the king. The page wished to excuse himself, and in his
confusionput his hand by chance into his pocket, and felt the purse with
astonishment. He drew it out, turned pale, and looking at the king, burst into
tears, without being able to utter a word. “What is the matter?” said the king;
“whathast thou?” “Ah! Sire,” replied the youth, falling on his knees, “they
wish to ruin me; I do not know how this money came into my pocket.” “My
friend,” said Frederick, “Godoften sends us blessings while we are asleep.
Send that to thy mother, salute her from me, and say that I will take care of
her and thee.”
Honour thy parents
An amiable youth was lamenting the death of a most affectionate parent. His
companions endeavoured to console him by the reflection that he had always
behaved to the deceasedwith duty, tenderness, and respect. “So I thought,”
replied the youth, “whilst my parent was living; but now I recollect, with pain
and sorrow, many instances of disobedience and neglect;for which, alas!it is
too late to make atonement.”
Pleasing parents
Epaminondas, the Theban, after winning a battle, said, “My chief pleasure is,
that my parents will hear of my victory.”

46. Beginright
If you begin to put up a house, and lay the foundation wrong, or to build a
ship, and make a mistake in laying the keel, you’ll have to take it all down and
begin again. Oh, it is very important to begin right! It is so in everything. And
it is so in trying to do our duty to our neighbour. The Fifth Commandment
shows us how we must begin to do this. We must begin at home. You show me
a boy or girl who is not a goodson or daughter, who does not honour father
and mother, and I will show you one who will not make a goodman or
woman. (R. Newton, D. D.)
Kindness to parents
There is a celebratedcharity schoolin London, called the “Blue Coat School.”
It bears this name because the scholars there all wearblue coats with long
skirts to them. I remember reading about one of the boys in this school, who
was in the habit of saving part of his own meals, and all the bits and scraps he
could gather from the table after their meals were over. He used to put them
in a box near his bed, and keepthem there. This led the other scholars to talk
againsthim very much. At first they thought he was greedy, and kept them
there to eat at night, when the restwere asleep. Some ofthem watchedhim,
but he was never seento eat them. Once or twice a week he used to make a
bundle of the contents of the box, and go awaywith it. Then the boys thought
that he meant to sellthem and keepthe money. They concluded that he was a
mean, miserly fellow. They refused to let him play with them. They joked
about him, and calledhim hard names, and persecutedhim in many ways.
But he bore it all patiently, and still went on, saving and carrying away all he
could honestly get. At last they complained of him to their teacher. The boy
was watchedwhen he took away the next bundle. He was seento go into an
old, worn-out building, occupied by some of the poorestpeople in the city.
There he made his way up to the fourth storeyof the building, and left his
bundle with a poor old couple. On inquiry it was found that these were his
parents. They were honest, worthy people, whom age and poverty had
reduced to such a condition of want that their chief dependence was the food
thus furnished by their son. He was willing to deprive himself of food, and
bear the reproachand persecutionof his schoolmates,in order to do what he

47. could for the support of his parents. When the managers ofthe schoolheard
of it, they provided relief for the poor boy’s parents, and gave him a silver
medal for his praiseworthy conduct.
Dr. Johnsonand his father
The greatDr. Johnsonwas a very learned man; he wrote a “dictionary.” I
know what I am going to say is true. He lived in Uttoxeter. His father was a
bookseller, notin a very grand way, because he used to sell his books in the
market-place. One day he askedhis son Samuel(for that was the Christian
name of Dr. Johnson)to come down and help him in the sale of his books in
the market-place. Little Samuel was rather a sort of a dandy, a conceited
fellow; and he thought it beneath his dignity to sell books in the market-place.
“He demean himself to stand in the market.place to sell books, indeed, for his
father! He was too great a gentlemanfor that!” Fifty years passedaway, and
Dr. Johnsonhad become now an old man. It haunted him; he could not forget,
though more than fifty years had passed,--whathe had done to his father, in
refusing to sell books in the market-place. He was very sad and unhappy
about it. So, one day, the doctortook off his hat, and went and stoodin the
same market-place, on the very spot where he said he would not stand to sell
books for his father. And all the boys laughed at him; but there he stoodwith
his bald head, not feeling the rain, or caring for the boys’ laughter, that he
might do a sort of actof penance, to ease his conscience!He did not “honour
his father” when a boy, and he remembered it fifty years after, and it was a
pain to him. A statue to Dr. Johnsonnow stands on the spot, and this noble act
of his is depicted upon it. (J. Vaughan.)
Parents are God’s representatives
In battle, men will give their lives to prevent the raggedand shot-torn colours
of their country from falling into the hands of the enemy. These ragged
colours representtheir country. The dust-coveredmessengerwho carries
private despatches to an embassyin a foreign country is receivedwith all
respect, because he represents his king. Even the child who carries an
important messageis treatedwith the reverence due to the senderof the

48. message. So parents are to be honoured, not alone as parents, but as the
representatives ofGod Himself. (S. S. Times.)
That thy days may be long.
Long life
1. My design is to show you that practicalreligion is the friend of long life, and
I prove it first from the fact that it makes the care of our physical health a
positive Christian duty. The Christian man lifts this whole problem of health
into the accountable and the Divine. He says:“Godhas given me this body,
and He has calledit the temple of the Holy Ghost, and to deface its altars, or
mar its walls, or crumble its pillars, is a sacrilege.” The Christianman says to
himself: “If I hurt my nerves, if I hurt my brain, if I hurt any of my physical
faculties, I insult God and callfor dire retribution.” An intelligent Christian
man would consider it an absurdity to kneeldown at night and pray, and ask
God’s protection, while at the same time he kept the windows of his bedroom
tight shut againstfresh air. The care of all your physical forces--nervous,
muscular, bone, brain, cellular, tissue--for all you must be brought to
judgment.
2. Again, I remark that practical religionis a friend of long life in the fact that
it is a protest againstall the dissipations which injure and destroy the health.
Bad men and womenlive a very short life; their sins kill them. Napoleon
Bonaparte lived only just beyond mid-life, then died at St. Helena, and one of
his doctors saidthat his disease wasdue to excessivesnuffing. The hero of
Austerlitz, the man who by one stepof his foot in the centre of Europe shook
the earth, killed by a snuff-box! Oh, how many people we have known who
have not lived out half their days because oftheir dissipations and
indulgences!Now, practicalreligion is a protest againstall dissipation of any
kind.
3. Again, religion is a friend of long life in the factthat it takes the worry out
of our temporalities. It is not work that kills men; it is worry. When a man
becomes a genuine Christian he makes overto God not only his affections, but

49. his family, his business, his reputation, his body, his mind, his soul--
everything. Oh, nervous and feverish people of the world, try this mighty
sedative!You will live twenty-five years longerunder its soothing power. It is
not chloralthat you want, or more time that you want; it is the Gospelof
Jesus Christ.
4. Again, practicalreligion is a friend of long life in the fact that it removes all
corroding care about a future existence. You have been accustomedto open
the door on this side the sepulchre; this morning I open the door on the other
side the sepulchre. Glory be to God for this robust, healthy religion. It will
have a tendency to make you live long in this world, and in the world to come
you will have eternal longevity. (Dr. Talmage.)
Vindication of God’s faithfulness, in the performance of the promise o.f long
life
We may boldly challenge long life, when all the circumstances ofit will tend to
our everlasting welfare. But God, who knows how frail and yielding the best
of us are, and in the series of His Divine Providence seethwhat prevailing
temptations we shall be exposedunto, doth oftentimes, in mercy, abridge this
promise; and takes us from the world, lest the world should take us from
Him; and deals with us, as princes deal with duellists, they make them
prisoners, that they might preserve them: so God, that He might preserve His
people from their greatenemy, commits them to safe custody of the grave.
And, if this be to be unfaithful, certainly His faithfulness would be nothing
else but an art to circumvent and undo us; should He, only to keepthat
inviolate, perform those promises, which would be to our hurt and detriment.
Nor, indeed, canany man, whom God hath blessedwith a right judgment and
due esteemof things, be willing to compound for the continuance of this
present life, with the hazard or diminution of his future happiness. (Bp. E.
Hopkins.)

50. Copyright Statement
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Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Exell, JosephS. "Commentary on "Exodus 20:12". The Biblical Illustrator.
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/tbi/exodus-20.html. 1905-
1909. New York.
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The Biblical Illustrator
Exodus 20:12
Honour thy father and thy mother.
The Fifth Commandment
I. The relationship in which we stand to our parents, a relationship based
upon the factthat we owe our existence to them, that we are made in their
image, that for so long a time we depend on them for the actual maintenance
of life, and that, as the necessaryresultof all this, we are completely under
their authority during childhood. This relationship is naturally made the
highest symbol of our relationship to God Himself.
II. Honouring our parents includes respect, love, and obedience, as long as
childhood and youth continue, and the gradual modification and
transformation of these affections and duties into higher forms as manhood
and womanhooddraw on.

51. III. The promise attachedto the Commandment is a promise of prolonged
national stability. St. Paul, slightly changing its form, makes it a promise of
long life to individuals. Common experience justifies the change.
IV. There is one considerationthat may induce us to obey this Commandment
which does not belong to the other nine: the time will come when it will be no
longerpossible for us to obey it. (R. W. Dale, D. D.)
The duties of youth
I. Considervarious ways in which a man may honour his father and mother.
1. By doing his best in the wayof self-improvement.
2. By habits of care and frugality.
3. By keeping himself in soberness, temperance,and chastity.
II. Honour to parents is only the principal and most important application of
a generalprinciple. The apostle bids us honour all men, and again, “In
lowliness ofmind let eachesteemother better than themselves.”
III. From the conceptionof love due to father and mother we rise to the
conceptionof the love due to God. By what heavenly process shallwe melt the
cold, hard law which forbids idolatry, into the sweet, gentle principle of heart-
worship and love? I believe that in this respectthe First Commandment is
much indebted to the Second, which is like unto it, “Honour thy father.” And
so, when God condescends to callHimself our Father, the clouds which
concealHim from our sight seemto break and vanish, and we feel that we can
love and houour Him, not merely acknowledgeHim, and refuse to accept
others besides Him: not merely fearHim, as one too powerful to be safely set
at naught; not merely philosophize about Him, and try to express His Infinite

52. Being in some scientific formula of human words. No; but love Him as a
father ought to be loved--with all our hearts, and souls, and strength. (Bp.
Harvey Goodwin.)
A promise and a duty
I. The promise. Expanded in Deuteronomy 5:16. The promise is of a long and
prosperous life. It is so plain that it canadmit of no other interpretation. The
only question can be, “Is it an individual or a national life that is here
meant?” But this is answered, first, by noticing that the command canonly be
kept by an individual person; and by a nation only as a number of
individuals; and hence, as the command is only addressed to the individual,
the prolongationof the individual life must be intended. The “thy” of “thy
days” must refer to the same person as the “thy”of “thy father and thy
mother.” It is answered, secondly, that a long national careerofprosperity
presupposes and implies a goodlydegree of personallongevity and prosperity,
and that the latter is a cause ofthe former, while the former could in no sense
be considereda cause of the latter.
II. The nature of the duty enjoined, The word “cabbed” is very strong; it
strictly means “loadwith honour,” and is often used in reference to the Deity.
Obedience is only one of the more prominent practicalforms of this honour.
The honour strikes deeperthan mere obedience--ittouches the heart, it
bespeaks the affections. It is a reverence inwoven in the very nature,
connectedwith all the chords of being, and so coming to the surface in
obedience and outward respect. We notice--
1. That the command is not “Honour thy father and thy mother when they do
right.” Our parents, like ourselves, are frail, and may commit error. If their
error absolvedtheir children from respect, there could be no filial piety in the
world. While the honour due to parents will not go to wickedor foolish
lengths, it will go to all reasonable and allowable lengths. It will submit to
inconvenience and loss;it will hold its private judgment of what is better in

53. abeyance;it will even keepits own clearlysuperior wisdom subject to the
parental prejudice. So long as conformity to the views and expressed wishes of
parents does not harm any third party, a right respectfor father and mother
will gracefullyyield and lay the self-denial on the altar of filial piety.
2. The command is not, “Honour thy father and thy mother while thou art a
little child.” Many act as if they had no parents after they had reachedtheir
full stature, and some use this theory even earlier. Now, if to anybody this
command is not given, it is to the little child, for in his case nature and
necessityteachsome degree ofobedience and respectto parents, and hence
the command is comparatively unnecessaryto these.
III. Lastly I would ask if there is not need that God’s will in this matter be
often rehearsedin our ears. I would say not to little children, “Be obedient to
your parents,” but rather to parents, “Make yourchildren obedient.” It is all
in your power. If you indulge your little ones in little irreverences and little
disobediences becauseit looks “so cunning,” and foolish friends urge you to
the dangerous pastime, then you will have the little disobedient children grow
to be big disobedient children, and they will bring down your grey hairs with
sorrow to the grave. Or if, through sheercarelessnessand selfishlaziness, you
avoid the active watchfulness and discipline that are necessaryto ensure
obedience, and to promote an obedient habit, you will obtain the same
disastrous result. Beware,too, how, in your anxiety to have your boy a man
before the time, you consentto his consequentialswaggeratsixteen, and
furnish him with a night-key as a help to independence, in which you are
destroying the bonds of dutiful humility and respectful submission with which
God bound him to you to preserve. It is in this way I would apply the Fifth
Commandment to young children through the parents, who are responsible
before God and man. But I also make the specialapplication of the text to
children of maturer growth. Let our continued reverence for parent or
parents still living, be of itself a glorious example, deeply written on the
thoughts and future memories of your own children. Surround the old age
which adorns and honours your household with the tribute of your assiduous
care, jealous ofits comfort and its dignity, and coverits defects with the

54. mantle, not of your charity, but of your filial love and sympathy. (H. Crosby,
D. D.)
The Fifth Commandment
I. The Divine mandate.
1. It is not an arbitrary edict; but a natural principle, having its constitutional
basis in the very essenceofthe relation which subsists betweenparents and
children. The parent is to his child, in a certain sense, the representative and
symbol of God. It is a significant factthat the Romans denoted dutifulness to
the gods and dutifulness to parents by the same word, namely, pietas.
Allegiance, or amenability to law, this is a constitutional, constituent part of
manhood. And it is the parent (father and mother equally) who is the natural
symbol of authority. Parentage, insimple virtue of its being parentage, is
inherently imperative; it is of the very essence ofparentage that it is
constitutively and rightfully authoritative. Authorhood, genealogicallyas well
as etymologically, is the sire of authority.
2. But you interrupt me with a question, “Mustthe child always obey his
parents?” In the sphere of fundamental moral obligations, my father and I
stand on an equality before God; in this sphere he has no more right to
command me than I have to command him. But in the sphere of incidental,
shifting duties, my father is over me, and has a right to command me.
II. The Divine promise. Nothing is more certain, at leastin a physiological
way, than this: Respectfor parental authority tends to longevity; filial
reverence is itself an admirable hygiene. What was it that gave to Rome its
long-continued tremendous power and majesty? It was the patria potestas, or
paternal authority, before which every Roman youth unquestioningly bowed;
for loyalty is the sire of royalty. Even China herself, although her civilization
was long ago arrestedand petrified, owes, I doubt not, her preservation
through millenniums to the fealty of her children to their ancestral
commandments and traditions.

55. III. The parent is a symbol of the State. What the parent is to the child, that
the State in many particulars is to the citizen, only vastly augmented. In fact,
no sooneris the infant born than he enters the jurisdiction of law. As soonas
he is able to notice relations and reasonabout them, so soondoes he perceive
that he is under authority. One of the first lessons he learns is this: There are
some things which he must do, and some things which he must not do; and
these commands and prohibitions awaken the ideas of law and subordination.
As he grows older, these ideas become more vivid and dominant. And, finally,
when he leaves home to take his position as a member of society, he finds that
the authority which had hitherto resided in his parents has been transferred
to the State. Accordingly, parental authority is the grand, divinely-appointed
educatorfor citizenship. Loyalty to parental law prepares the way for loyalty
to civic law.
IV. Our theme is especiallypertinent to our own times. There are two
tendencies in our land and age which make the discussionof the Fifth
Commandment particularly appropriate.
1. And first, our age is an age of innovation. Rage and frenzy will pull down
more in half an hour than prudence, deliberation, and foresight canbuild up
in a hundred years. Therefore do I lift up my voice in behalf of reverend
antiquity; doubly reverend, first, because it is antiquity; and secondly,
because, being antiquity, it is an oracle.
2. Secondly, our age is an age of anarchy or moral lawlessness.
V. Human parentage is a symbol of the Divine. The Creatorordained it, not so
much for man’s sake as for His own sake,meaning that it should serve as the
ladder by which we may ascendto His own blessedfatherhood, and joyously
feel His paternal sway. And this is majesty indeed. It is told of Daniel Webster
that, when a party of distinguished gentlemenwere dining with him at his
Marsh field home, and one of his guests askedhim what single thing had

56. contributed most to his personalsuccess, the famous statesmanpausedfor a
moment, and then, with greatsolemnity, replied, “I think that the most
fruitful and elevating influence I have ever felt has been my impression of my
obligation to God.” Believe me, no man is ever so sublime as when he is
consciouslyloyalto the King of kings; no man is ever so supremely blessedas
when he reverently sits at the feetof the Infinite Father. (G. D. Boardmen.)
The parent and the nation
1. First, Jehovahis the source of all life. “In Him we have our being.” But the
parent is God’s means by which He imparts life, the human channel through
which Divine life creates. The parent is the shrine of Divine power working
creatively. The parent, therefore, as the secondaryauthor of life, is to the child
a representative of God. A Divine sacredness, a reflectionof the Creator,
invests parents through whom life came and grew and was begotteninto time.
In the mysterious law of life, the link betweenthe child and God is the parent.
2. Secondly, it is true that parental honour is here set down as a statute law of
Israel, but have we yet to learn that these “TenWords” express the
profoundest principles of human life? We may rest assuredthat the honour
which God claims for father and mother forms the germ of man at his best
and noblest state. Plato would fain have reconstructedthe Athenian national
life without the family life. Disraelionce saidin the House of Commons, “The
family is the unit of the nation.” Plato came to the opposite conclusion, viz.,
the family life is the bane of the nation. He thought it bred selfishness, thatit
was detrimental to courage, thatit narrowedmen’s interests and dulled the
spirit of patriotism, which prefers country to everything. Blot out reverence
for parents and life neither at the beginning nor the end is safe. What is the
true wealthof a nation? Is it not patriotic men and virtuous women? But
family life alone can produce these;the family life which is overshadowedby a
sense ofGod. Home obedience is the spirit which expands into the fine feeling
of the sanctity of law. Parentalhonour develops into loyalty to the Queenand
reverence for the constitution. The love of home and its dear ones grows big
with the love of country and with the self-sacrificing energiesofpatriotism.
But so it is also that the decline of home life, the loss of parental and filial
feeling, is the sure precursorof national decline. Loyalty, reverence, faith--

57. lose these, and the soul is lost out of the body politic. Its very heart and
strength are gone when these are gone. But these are the fruit of home. There
are three sources ofdanger--literary, political, and social.
1. As to the first, all atheistic theories which take awaythe glory from the
head of the parent rob the parental tie of its highestsanctity. When life is only
the result of material laws, reverence cannotrise higher than the nature of the
fact. A mere flesh and blood relationship will not yield a spiritual feeling.
Reverence cannotsustainitself on humanity alone, without God in the
background;no, neither reverence for man as man, nor for woman as woman.
All lustre dies away, and only commonness remains, barren of the emotions
which are the riches of human life.
2. Again, in the sphere of politics it has begun to look wise and liberal, and the
only practicalthing, to separate civil life from religion, and to draw a line of
distinction betweenChristianity and the nation. The tendency is setting in to
look to citizenship in the narrowestsense ofcommerce and material progress.
As certain as moral feeling is the truth of manhood, so certainis it that
educationor legislationwhich forgets or ignores the heart is guilty of a fatal
defect. When cleverness is divorced from the fear of God, rational selfishness
takes the place of honour and faith. It is this radical bias of the heart which
will confound all the hopes of mere secularists.Morals needto be sustained in
the affections orthey are barren precepts only; and they cannot be sustained
there except by a powerwhich is able to cope with our radicalselfishness and
overcome it. We have strong reasons, derived from history and human nature,
for believing that Christianity alone is capable of this. The immoral or even
the selfishwill never think rightly. Stop wrong feeling in one direction, it will
burst out in another. Out of the heart are the issues oflife. The voice of
prudence will never be the law of morals. It is an inference almost as certain
as actual factthat the spirit of atheistic communism has had no true home,
that is, no true moral training of the heart. It drifted loose from true feeling
before it drifted loose from true reasoning, though the two processeswere
doubtless deeply and inextricably intermingled.
3. But let us turn to the enemies of home in the socialsphere. I pass by the
danger of conceitedsuperficiality at home. But there is one dangerto the

58. English home which must be patent to all, vast, portentous, fearful--the
public-house. It swallows up comforts, decencies, and every possibility of
religiousness andgoodcitizenship. Materiallyand morally it works an awful
ruin. Homes being deteriorated and parents degraded, then young people
abandon them as early as possible. Novelty and sensationare the order of the
day. Like a fever it penetrates the very blood. To sit still, to meditate, to enjoy
home is getting beyond us. The Church, too, has been compelled to enter into
the competition. She must do it to fight againstsocialtemptations and moral
decline. But let the Church of Christ ever keepher high purpose in view. Let
her not degrade herself into a mere rival of sensationalamusement. She is the
mother of the nation, the ideal of the true home. Let her seek to restore it on
the Divine pattern by setting up the family altar and the Word of God. So
shall it be well with us, and so will our children live long on the earth. (W.
Senior, B. A.)
Parent and child
The command is reflexive. It speaks to the child and says, “Honour”;but in
that very word it springs back upon the parent and says, “Be honourable;
because in your honourableness your child shall grow reverent.” Of all things
in this world the soul of a reverent child is the most beautiful and precious,
and therefore of all things in this world honourable parents are the most
important. One thing cannot be too strongly insisted on. Parentalgoodness
must be genuine and unaffected, of the heart, flowing easilythrough the life,
in order to evoke reverence.Unreality is sure to be detectedby-and-by, and
when children find out unreality in those who stand in the place of God--God
help them! It never does to give preceptinstead of example. Children have
strangelysensitive natures. They don’t see through pretence, but after a while
they do more, they feel it. Brethren, there is much talk of culture now-a-days.
I venture to suggest, in the light of the requirements of this Commandment,
that the finest culture of all lies within the sphere of home life, the life we seem
to be in danger of losing. The finest culture would come from the endeavourto
be worthy of a child’s reverence, and trust, and love. What does it need in the
parent to be the child’s ideal? It needs the cultivation of truthfulness, and
love, and unselfishness. To your own selves, to your own higher nature, you
must first be true in order to be true to them. The true heavenof home can

59. only be entered by the parents becoming as their own darling child in
innocence, sweetness, andgoodness.There is evensomething higher still. It is
through true parentage that the heart of God is best understood, and best
realized. He calls Himself “Father,” and likens Himself to a “Mother.” The
names are revelations;they are profound instructions. God wants to shine
down into His children’s hearts through father and mother. Only two last
words.
1. First, to the young unmarried. Some may be thinking of marriage. Well,
marriage is of God, but mark the solemnimportance with which this
Commandment invests it. It is for God also. Marriage means parentage, and
parentage involves all this home life, all these influences of which we have
been speaking. Are you morally equal to marriage? Are you fit to be a parent
when yon think of all that is in this word “honour”? What sort of a mother
shall you give your children? What sort of a father?
2. Secondly, a word to the married who have children. It is in the nature of
things that parents love their children more than children love their parents.
The world is all new, to the young, their interests fly abroad. The parents have
more or less gone through that phase of life, and now concentrate their
thoughts and hopes upon the children’s welfare. The child turns from the
parent after the illusions of life, the parent begins to live over againin the
child. The child accepts allthe thoughts, and love, and sacrifice as a matter of
course, unable, in fact, to realize the hidden life below them. Yes, such times
bring moments of almostanguish, but parents see. We are only feeling in our
turn what our parents felt before over us. Love on, and knowledge ofyou and
reverence shallsurely come to your children. You shall have your reward, it
may be, even here, in the protecting love which clings to your old age, and
warms and beautifies it, and prolongs the joys of home to the very gates of
death, and fills beyond them with visions of union and perfect bliss. But if not
here, then when the green sodcovers you your reward shall come in tears
which melt the soul of your wilful boy back into your arms; in memories
which make your waywardgirl long passionatelyto be pressedto a mother’s
bosom. Then, I say, your love shall have its due reward. Only be true and
faithful, and kind and upright, and father and mother shall be knownat last.
Be comforted, your love is never lost. (W. Senior, B. A.)

60. The Fifth Commandment
I. Who is meant here by “father”?
1. The political father, the magistrate. These fathers are to be honoured; for,
These politicalfathers are to be honoured: “honour the king.” And this
honour is to be shown by a civil respectto their persons, and a cheerful
submission to their laws, so far as they agree and run parallel with God’s law.
2. There is the grave ancient father who is venerable for old age, whose grey
hairs are resembledto the white flowers of the almond-tree. There are fathers
for seniority, on whose wrinkledbrows, and in the furrows of whose cheeks is
pictured the map of old age. These fathers are to be honoured: “thou shalt rise
up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man.”
3. There are spiritual fathers, as pastors and ministers. The spiritual fathers
are to be honoured.
4. There is the economicalfather, that is, the master; he is the father of the
family, therefore Naaman’s servants calledtheir master, “father.” And the
centurion calls his servant, “son.”
5. The natural father, the father of the flesh. Honour thy natural father.
Children are the vineyard of the parent’s planting, and honour done to the
parent is some of the fruit of the vineyard.
II. Wherein are children to show their honour to their parents?
1. In a reverential esteemof their persons.
2. In a careful obedience.
It is but paying the just debt. The young storks, by the instinct of nature,
bring meat to the old storks, whenby reasonof age they are not able to fly.
The memory of Eneas was honoured, for carrying his agedfather out of Troy
when it was on fire. (T. Watson.)

61. The law of subordination
The importance of this commandment is indicated by
1. Its positive form;
2. Its relative place;and,
3. Its accompanying promise.
I. The scope of this preceptembraces an universal law of subordination with
corresponding relative duties.
1. A law of subordination is implied in the relation of a child to its parent.
2. This law of subordination is seenin similar relations to be the foundation of
society.
3. The law of subordination being thus the broad foundation of society, and
the principle on which it is evidently constituted, this Divine order witnesses
for the Divine origin of man. Societyis now seento be not a heap of
unconnectedsand, but a living tree, whose multitudinous branches, meeting in
one stem, have their root in Him “from whom every fatherhoodin heavenand
on earth is named.”
II. Some of the more prominent applications of this Law. All these include
responsibility as well as authority in the superior, and therefore rights as well
as duties in the subordinate.
1. There is first the typical ease ofparent and child.
2. Closelyconnectedwith the relation of parent and child, and even
influencing it, is that mutual bond of husband and wife which affords the next
greatinstance of the law of subordination. In her motherhood woman is the
equal, in her wifehoodthe subordinate of man.

62. 3. There are manifold other relations which illustrate the law of
subordination--teachers and pupils, seniors and juniors, masters and servants,
monarchs and subjects, magistrates and citizens, pastors and people. (W. J.
Woods, B. A.)
Lessons from the position of the Fifth Commandment
The position of this Commandment among the others has important
teachings. It is the centre, the heart of the whole law. Not only has Godgiven
us the powerto love, but He has placedus in relationships which callthis
powerinto exercise and give it right direction, especiallythe relationship of
parents and children. God says here to parents: “As you love your children, so
I love you. As you yearn for their responsive love, so I yearn for yours. I am
your Father.” God says here to children: “Love your parents, and therein
learn to love Me, your Father.” The position of this Commandment among the
others has a further teaching of greatimportance. The place of division into
the Two Tables ofthe Law is somewhatindistinct. It is in this Commandment,
but whether it belongs to the First Table, or to the Second, is not quite clear. It
certainly treats of duties to man, and so must belong to the SecondTable. But
hold! May not the parents be regardedas the representatives ofGod? Then it
belongs to the First Table. There is certainly a strong analogyin the
relationships. The parents are the nearestcause to the child of its being, its
continued existence and its welfare, and this through that wonderful thing
God has given them, parental love, which allies them so closelyto Himself. We
need not try to determine what God seems purposely to have left indistinct. In
the indistinctness is the lesson. We are apt to considerduties to man
separately, but God joins them indissolubly with duties to Himself. The
position of the Commandment in this indistinctness also shows its great
importance. Considering it as the lastof the First Table we see that in order
that children shall become men and women worshipping God in spirit and in
truth, they are to be taught and trained by honouring their parents.
Considering it as the first of the SecondTable, we see that in order that
children shall become men and womenfulfilling their duties in the various
relations of life, they are to be taught and trained by honouring their parents.
Both religion and morality have their foundations laid in the home life of
children. (F. S. Schenck.)

63. Reasonsfor honouring parents
1. The first and greatestis because Godcommands. His command is written in
our own natures and in this holy law. This reasonis above all others and
embraces all.
2. Such conduct gives the greatestpleasure to our parents, as the reverse
conduct brings to their hearts the keenestsuffering. We can never fully
appreciate all the care and love father and mother have bestowedupon us in
infancy and youth, in sicknessand in health, and the yearning of their hearts
for our love. Surely we should respond to their love--we should seek their
happiness.
3. Such conduct is itself excellent. There is something within us that approves
it, and condemns the reverse.
4. The Commandment itself contains a reasonfor obedience, in that it gives a
promise, an assurance thatin the providence of God obedience to this
Commandment will result in long life and prosperity. This sets forth a general
rule in the Divine government of the race, promoting stability in social
welfare. The child honouring his parents learns self-control, and obedience to
law, submission hearty and prompt to rightly constituted authority as a
principle of action. Such a child will in all probability become a man of like
character. He will obey the laws of health. Entering business he will obey the
laws of success, industry, perseverance, economy, enterprise. His powers
under full control, he will be also a law-abiding citizen in society. Such
charactertends to long life and the enjoyment of the gifts of God. A good
citizen enjoys the protectionof the state not only, but helps to form a
condition of socialwell-being. The child, on the other hand, who is disobedient
and disrespectfulto his parents, who sets aside their authority and God’s
authority, is cultivating a law-breaking character. He will in all probability
become a self-willedman, setting at defiance the laws of God and man. Such a
life tends to the undermining of health by excesses, to the waste ofproperty by
abuse, to the running into dangers recklessly, and to the overthrow of social
well-being. Such a charactertends to shorten life and to forfeit the gifts of
God. (F. S. Schenck.)

64. Forbearance towards erring parents
How is a religious son or daughter to acttowards an irreligious parent? To
answerthat question in, detail would require a long discourse. Circumstances
sometimes make the duty of a child very perplexing. When a father comes
home drunk three times a week, violently abuses his daughter who opens the
door for him half dead with weariness andfright, curses her, sometimes
strikes her, drinks half her wages andnearly all his own, what ought she to
do? The principle which determines her duty is clear. The obligation to
honour her father is not relaxed. You are not releasedfrom a debt because the
man to whom you owe it is a drunkard or a profligate; and so irreligion, or
even vice in a parent, cannot release a child from filial duty. The application
of the principle to particular easesis, I acknowledge, sometimes extremely
difficult. Parentalcruelty occasionallybecomes intolerable. Fora child to
remain in some houses is to suffer perpetual misery. But the noble and
Christian course, as long as your strength is not utterly exhausted, is to
manifest the charity which “endureth all things.” If your religion makes you
more sensitive to the vices which disgrace the characterof your parents, it
should also enable you to bear their ill-treatment with more meekness and
patience. The consciousnessofyour own sins should make you more merciful
to theirs. (R. W. Dale, D. D.)
Filial duty
Tenderness and sympathy were conspicuouslydisplayed in the characterof
the late Dr. Alexander Waugh. A young man of unimpeachable characterwas
desirous of entering upon missionarylabour, and was recommended to the
notice of the London MissionarySociety. He had passedthrough the usual
examination, but statedthat he had one difficulty--he had an agedmother
dependent upon an elder brother and himself for maintenance; in case ofhis
brother’s death, he wishedto be at liberty to return home to support her.
Scarcelyhad he made this natural request than he heard the voice of one of
the directors exclaim, “If you love your mother more than the Lord Jesus, you
won’t do for us.” The young man was abashedand confounded, and he was
askedto retire while his case wasconsidered. Upon his return, Dr. Waugh,
who was in the chair, addressedhim with patriarchal dignity, telling him that

65. the committee did not feel themselves at liberty to accepthis services ona
condition involving uncertainty as to the term; but immediately added, “We
think none the worse ofyou, my goodlad, for your beautiful regardto your
agedparent. You are following the example of Him whose gospelyou wish to
proclaim among the heathen, who, when He hung upon the cross in dying
agonies, beholding His mother and His beloved disciple standing by, said to
the one, “Beholdthy son!” and to John, “Beholdthy mother!”
Filial piety
David Livingstone is saidto have learned Gaelic in order that he might be
able to read the Bible to his mother in that language, which was the one she
knew best.
Obligation to parents
The celebratedJonathanEdwards, who had the advantage of being trained by
singularly pious and judicious parents, wrote, when about twenty years of age,
in his diary: “I now plainly perceive what greatobligations I am under to love
and honour my parents. I have greatreasonto believe that their counseland
educationhave been my making; notwithstanding in the time of it, it seemed
to do me so little good.”
A noble sentiment
A little boy hearing a party of gentlemen applauding the sentiment, “an
honest man is the noblest work of God,” boldly said, “No”;and being asked,
“What do you think is the noblestwork of God?” replied, “My mother.” That
boy made a goodman. Who candoubt it?
Archbishop Tillotson’s respectfor his father
There are some children who are almostashamedto own their parents,
because they are poor, or in a low situation of life. We will, therefore, give an
example of the contrary, as displayed by the Dean of Canterbury, afterwards
Archbishop Tillotson. His father, who was a plain Yorkshireman, approached
the house where his sonresided, and inquired whether “JohnTillotson was at
home.” The servant, indignant at what he thought his insolence, drove him

66. from the door; but the Dean, who was within, hearing the voice of his father,
came running out, exclaiming, in the presence ofhis astonishedservants, “It is
my belovedfather!” and falling down on his knees, askedfor his blessing.
Honouring a parent
Frederick the Greatone day rang his bell severaltimes, and nobody came. He
opened the door, and found his page asleepin an arm-chair. Advancing to
awake him, he perceived the corner of a note peeping out of his pocket.
Curious to know what it was, he took it, and read it. It was a letter from the
mother of the youth, thanking him for sending her part of his wages, to relieve
her poverty. She concluded by telling him, that God would bless him for his
goodconduct. The king, after having read it, went softly into his room, took a
purse of ducats, and slipped it, with the letter, into the pocketof the page. He
returned, and rang his bell so loud, that the page awoke, andwent in. “Thou
hast slept well!” said the king. The page wished to excuse himself, and in his
confusionput his hand by chance into his pocket, and felt the purse with
astonishment. He drew it out, turned pale, and looking at the king, burst into
tears, without being able to utter a word. “What is the matter?” said the king;
“whathast thou?” “Ah! Sire,” replied the youth, falling on his knees, “they
wish to ruin me; I do not know how this money came into my pocket.” “My
friend,” said Frederick, “Godoften sends us blessings while we are asleep.
Send that to thy mother, salute her from me, and say that I will take care of
her and thee.”
Honour thy parents
An amiable youth was lamenting the death of a most affectionate parent. His
companions endeavoured to console him by the reflection that he had always
behaved to the deceasedwith duty, tenderness, and respect. “So I thought,”
replied the youth, “whilst my parent was living; but now I recollect, with pain
and sorrow, many instances of disobedience and neglect;for which, alas!it is
too late to make atonement.”
Pleasing parents

67. Epaminondas, the Theban, after winning a battle, said, “My chief pleasure is,
that my parents will hear of my victory.”
Beginright
If you begin to put up a house, and lay the foundation wrong, or to build a
ship, and make a mistake in laying the keel, you’ll have to take it all down and
begin again. Oh, it is very important to begin right! It is so in everything. And
it is so in trying to do our duty to our neighbour. The Fifth Commandment
shows us how we must begin to do this. We must begin at home. You show me
a boy or girl who is not a good son or daughter, who does not honour father
and mother, and I will show you one who will not make a goodman or
woman. (R. Newton, D. D.)
Kindness to parents
There is a celebratedcharity schoolin London, called the “Blue Coat School.”
It bears this name because the scholars there all wearblue coats with long
skirts to them. I remember reading about one of the boys in this school, who
was in the habit of saving part of his own meals, and all the bits and scraps he
could gather from the table after their meals were over. He used to put them
in a box near his bed, and keepthem there. This led the other scholars to talk
againsthim very much. At first they thought he was greedy, and kept them
there to eat at night, when the restwere asleep. Some ofthem watchedhim,
but he was never seento eat them. Once or twice a week he used to make a
bundle of the contents of the box, and go awaywith it. Then the boys thought
that he meant to sellthem and keepthe money. They concluded that he was a
mean, miserly fellow. They refused to let him play with them. They joked
about him, and calledhim hard names, and persecutedhim in many ways.
But he bore it all patiently, and still went on, saving and carrying away all he
could honestly get. At last they complained of him to their teacher. The boy
was watchedwhen he took away the next bundle. He was seento go into an
old, worn-out building, occupied by some of the poorestpeople in the city.
There he made his way up to the fourth storeyof the building, and left his
bundle with a poor old couple. On inquiry it was found that these were his
parents. They were honest, worthy people, whom age and poverty had

68. reduced to such a condition of want that their chief dependence was the food
thus furnished by their son. He was willing to deprive himself of food, and
bear the reproachand persecutionof his schoolmates,in order to do what he
could for the support of his parents. When the managers ofthe schoolheard
of it, they provided relief for the poor boy’s parents, and gave him a silver
medal for his praiseworthy conduct.
Dr. Johnsonand his father
The greatDr. Johnsonwas a very learned man; he wrote a “dictionary.” I
know what I am going to say is true. He lived in Uttoxeter. His father was a
bookseller, notin a very grand way, because he used to sell his books in the
market-place. One day he askedhis son Samuel(for that was the Christian
name of Dr. Johnson)to come down and help him in the sale of his books in
the market-place. Little Samuel was rather a sort of a dandy, a conceited
fellow; and he thought it beneath his dignity to sell books in the market-place.
“He demean himself to stand in the market.place to sell books, indeed, for his
father! He was too great a gentlemanfor that!” Fifty years passedaway, and
Dr. Johnsonhad become now an old man. It haunted him; he could not forget,
though more than fifty years had passed,--whathe had done to his father, in
refusing to sell books in the market-place. He was very sad and unhappy
about it. So, one day, the doctortook off his hat, and went and stoodin the
same market-place, on the very spot where he said he would not stand to sell
books for his father. And all the boys laughed at him; but there he stoodwith
his bald head, not feeling the rain, or caring for the boys’ laughter, that he
might do a sort of actof penance, to ease his conscience!He did not “honour
his father” when a boy, and he remembered it fifty years after, and it was a
pain to him. A statue to Dr. Johnsonnow stands on the spot, and this noble act
of his is depicted upon it. (J. Vaughan.)
Parents are God’s representatives
In battle, men will give their lives to prevent the raggedand shot-torn colours
of their country from falling into the hands of the enemy. These ragged
colours representtheir country. The dust-coveredmessengerwho carries
private despatches to an embassyin a foreign country is receivedwith all

69. respect, because he represents his king. Even the child who carries an
important messageis treatedwith the reverence due to the sender of the
message. So parents are to be honoured, not alone as parents, but as the
representatives ofGod Himself. (S. S. Times.)
That thy days may be long.
Long life
1. My design is to show you that practicalreligion is the friend of long life, and
I prove it first from the fact that it makes the care of our physical health a
positive Christian duty. The Christian man lifts this whole problem of health
into the accountable and the Divine. He says:“Godhas given me this body,
and He has calledit the temple of the Holy Ghost, and to deface its altars, or
mar its walls, or crumble its pillars, is a sacrilege.” The Christianman says to
himself: “If I hurt my nerves, if I hurt my brain, if I hurt any of my physical
faculties, I insult God and callfor dire retribution.” An intelligent Christian
man would consider it an absurdity to kneeldown at night and pray, and ask
God’s protection, while at the same time he kept the windows of his bedroom
tight shut againstfresh air. The care of all your physical forces--nervous,
muscular, bone, brain, cellular, tissue--for all you must be brought to
judgment.
2. Again, I remark that practical religionis a friend of long life in the fact that
it is a protest againstall the dissipations which injure and destroy the health.
Bad men and womenlive a very short life; their sins kill them. Napoleon
Bonaparte lived only just beyond mid-life, then died at St. Helena, and one of
his doctors saidthat his disease wasdue to excessivesnuffing. The hero of
Austerlitz, the man who by one stepof his foot in the centre of Europe shook
the earth, killed by a snuff-box! Oh, how many people we have known who
have not lived out half their days because oftheir dissipations and
indulgences!Now, practicalreligion is a protest againstall dissipation of any
kind.

70. 3. Again, religion is a friend of long life in the factthat it takes the worry out
of our temporalities. It is not work that kills men; it is worry. When a man
becomes a genuine Christian he makes overto God not only his affections, but
his family, his business, his reputation, his body, his mind, his soul--
everything. Oh, nervous and feverish people of the world, try this mighty
sedative!You will live twenty-five years longerunder its soothing power. It is
not chloralthat you want, or more time that you want; it is the Gospelof
Jesus Christ.
4. Again, practicalreligion is a friend of long life in the fact that it removes all
corroding care about a future existence. You have been accustomedto open
the door on this side the sepulchre; this morning I open the door on the other
side the sepulchre. Glory be to God for this robust, healthy religion. It will
have a tendency to make you live long in this world, and in the world to come
you will have eternal longevity. (Dr. Talmage.)
Vindication of God’s faithfulness, in the performance of the promise o.f long
life
We may boldly challenge long life, when all the circumstances ofit will tend to
our everlasting welfare. But God, who knows how frail and yielding the best
of us are, and in the series of His Divine Providence seethwhat prevailing
temptations we shall be exposedunto, doth oftentimes, in mercy, abridge this
promise; and takes us from the world, lest the world should take us from
Him; and deals with us, as princes deal with duellists, they make them
prisoners, that they might preserve them: so God, that He might preserve His
people from their greatenemy, commits them to safe custody of the grave.
And, if this be to be unfaithful, certainly His faithfulness would be nothing
else but an art to circumvent and undo us; should He, only to keepthat
inviolate, perform those promises, which would be to our hurt and detriment.
Nor, indeed, canany man, whom God hath blessedwith a right judgment and
due esteemof things, be willing to compound for the continuance of this
present life, with the hazard or diminution of his future happiness. (Bp. E.
Hopkins.)

71. Copyright Statement
These files are public domain.
Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Exell, JosephS. "Commentary on "Exodus 20:12". The Biblical Illustrator.
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/tbi/exodus-20.html. 1905-
1909. New York.
return to 'Jump List'
Coffman's Commentaries on the Bible
THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT
HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER
"Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long, in the land
which Jehovahthy God giveth thee."
This Commandment V is bound upon mankind by apostolic authority. Paul
said, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy
father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise), that thou
mayest live long on the earth" (Ephesians 6:1-3). Disobedienceofpeople
regarding this has been widespreadin all ages.Evenin the times of Christ, the
keepers ofthe temple had concocteda device for enabling wealthy Hebrews to
avoid giving the care and support to their parents which the Law of God
commanded. This was calledCorban, and this is explained and condemned by
Jesus himself in Matthew 15:3-6.
Our own generationis no exception. A governorof the state of Colorado said
during the summer of 1984 that "the principle duty of old people is to die and

72. get out of the way of the younger generation." This was widely publicized, nor
did the governoreven have the grace to make an exceptionof his own father
and mother. Certainly, that is a very common view in America at this stage of
history, and very regrettable. The youth of every generationsorelyneed the
wisdom and stability that only age can provide. Adolescentimpatience and
disrespectof the agedis both foolish and amusing. "If the race were
advancing as rapidly as eachnew generationof adolescents believes, mankind
would have long since passedthrough the gates ofperfection."[18]The
apparent gulf that separates some young people from their parents is merely a
youthful fantasy, due to pass awayin time, just like acne. Five things are
promised to those who obey and honor their parents: "These are:(1) grace in
the presentlife and glory in the life to come; (2) long life upon the earth; (3)
grateful and pleasing children; (4) a goodname; and (5) material wealth."[19]
This commandment protects the home. The home is the basic building block
of civilization. And if there is ever to be a better world, it must begin with
better homes. The home is the place where the young human must learn to
acceptand honor authority. And if he does not do so in the home, he becomes
a troublemaker in school, and soongraduates to the police court. The
beginning of all law and order lies right here in Commandment V.
Our very civilization today is under attack by all the forces of evil, and the
home is primarily the focus of that attack. The young should realize what they
have to lose if they join with the forces dedicatedits destruction.
"Thathome, with which they are inclined to be so impatient, is under stress
which never existedbefore. It is quite possible to explain to young people, so
that they gladly become a part of the crew in the little ship upon the stormy
sea, insteadof being merely passengers."[20]
The honoring of father and mother is the divine order, not merely for children
and young people, but for all people. Those PhariseeswhomJesus condemned
for their godless neglectofthis commandment, were in no sense "young
people," but the leaders of the Jewishnation (Matthew 15:5-6).
Let intelligent youth join hands with venerable age, and, together, it may be,
they shall be able to slay the dragonthat threatens to devour the world.

73. Separatelyand alone, neither youth nor age cando it. Together, withGod
through Christ, an overwhelming victory can be achieved. It is not too late,
but time is running short. The tides of evil are rising on every side, and the
winds of lawlessnessandchaos are rising to hurricane pitch. If the home, as
God intended it, is lost, societymay well degenerate into a condition
heretofore believed impossible. God grant, therefore, that the home may be
made to stand.
Copyright Statement
James Burton Coffman Commentaries reproduced by permission of Abilene
Christian University Press, Abilene, Texas, USA. All other rights reserved.
Bibliography
Coffman, James Burton. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "Coffman
Commentaries on the Old and New Testament".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/bcc/exodus-20.html. Abilene
Christian University Press, Abilene, Texas, USA. 1983-1999.
return to 'Jump List'
John Gill's Exposition of the Whole Bible
Honour thy father and thy mother, &c. Which is the fifth commandment of
the decalogue, but is the first commandment with promise, as the apostle says,
Ephesians 6:2 and is the first of the secondtable: this, though it may be
extended to all ancestors inthe ascending line, as father's father and mother,
mother's father and mother, &c. and to all such who are in the room of
parents, as step-fathers and step-mothers, guardians, nurses, &c. and to all
superiors in dignity and office, to kings and governors, to masters, ministers,
and magistrates;yet chiefly respects immediate parents, both father and
mother, by showing filial affectionfor them, and reverence and esteemof
them, and by yielding obedience to them, and giving them relief and assistance
in all things in which they need it; and if honour, esteem, affection, obedience,

74. and reverence, are to be given to earthly parents, then much more to our
Father which is in heaven, Malachi1:6.
that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee;
that is, the land of Canaan, which he had given by promise to their fathers,
and was now about to put them, their posterity, into the possessionof: this
further confirms the observationmade, that this body of laws belonged
peculiarly to the people of Israel: long life in any place or land is a blessing in
itself, not always enjoyed by obedient children, thou obedience to parents
often brings the judgments of God on persons; so that they sometimes die an
untimely or an uncommon death, as in the case ofthe rebellious son, for
whom a law was provided in Israel, and Absalom and others, see Leviticus
20:9 Aben Ezra takes the word to be transitive, and so the words may be read,
"that they may prolong thy days";or, "cause thy days to be prolonged";
meaning either that the commandments, and keeping of them, may be the
means of prolonging the days of obedient children, according to the divine
promise; or that they, their father and mother, whom they harbour and obey,
might, by their prayers for them, be the means of obtaining long life for them;
or else that they, Father, Son, and Spirit, may do it, though man's days,
strictly speaking, cannotbe shortenedor lengthened beyond the purpose of
God, see Job14:5 the Septuagint version inserts before this clause another,
"that it may be wellwith thee", as in Deuteronomy5:16 and which the apostle
also has, Ephesians 6:3 and where, instead of this, the words are, "and thou
mayest live long on the earth"; accommodating them the better to the
Gentiles, to whom he writes.
Copyright Statement
The New John Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible Modernisedand adapted
for the computer by Larry Pierce of Online Bible. All Rightes Reserved,
Larry Pierce, Winterbourne, Ontario.
A printed copy of this work can be ordered from: The Baptist Standard
Bearer, 1 Iron Oaks Dr, Paris, AR, 72855

75. Bibliography
Gill, John. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "The New John Gill Exposition
of the Entire Bible".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/geb/exodus-20.html. 1999.
return to 'Jump List'
Geneva Study Bible
Honour thy h father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land
which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
(h) By parents it is also meant all that have authority over us.
Copyright Statement
These files are public domain.
Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Beza, Theodore. "Commentaryon Exodus 20:12". "The 1599 Geneva Study
Bible". https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/gsb/exodus-20.html.
1599-1645.
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Keil & DelitzschCommentary on the Old Testament
The Fifth Word, “ Honour thy father and thy mother, ” does not refer to
fellow-men, but to “those who are the representatives ( vicarii ) of God.
Therefore, as Godis to be served with honour and fear, His representatives
are to be so too” ( Luther decem. praec. ). This is placedbeyond all doubt by
Leviticus 19:3, where reverence towards parents is placedon an equality with
the observance ofthe Sabbath, and ‫אריּת‬ (fear) is substituted for ‫דּבּכ‬ (honour).
It also follows from ‫דּבּכ‬ , which, as Calvin correctlyobserves, nihil aliud est

76. quam Deo et hominibus, qui dignitate pollent, justum honorem deferre .
Fellow-menor neighbours ( ‫עי‬ ) are to be loved (Leviticus 19:18):parents, on
the other hand, are to be honoured and feared; reverence is to be shownto
them with heart, mouth, and hand - in thought, word, and deed. But by father
and mother we are not to understand merely the authors and preservers of
our bodily life, but also the founders, protectors, and promoters of our
spiritual life, such as prophets and teachers, to whom sometimes the name of
father is given (2 Kings 2:12; 2 Kings 13:14), whilst at other times paternity is
ascribedto them by their scholars being called sons and daughters (Psalms
34:12;Psalms 45:11; Proverbs 1:8, Proverbs 1:10, Proverbs 1:15, etc.);also
the guardians of our bodily and spiritual life, the powers ordained of God, to
whom the names of father and mother (Genesis 45:8;Judges 5:7) may justly
be applied, since all government has grown out of the relation of father and
child, and draws its moral weightand stability, upon which the prosperity and
well-being of a nation depends, from the reverence ofchildren towards their
parents.
(Note:“In this demand for reverence to parents, the fifth commandment lays
the foundation for the sanctificationof the whole sociallife, inasmuch as it
thereby teaches us to acknowledgea divine authority in the same” ( Oehler,
Dekalog, p. 322).)
And the promise, “ that thy days may be long (thou mayest live long) in the
land which Jehovahthy God giveth thee, ” also points to this. There is a
double promise here. So long as the nation rejoicedin the possessionof
obedient children, it was assuredof a long life or existence in the land of
Canaan;but there is also included the promise of a long life, i.e., a greatage,
to individuals (cf. Deuteronomy 6:2; Deuteronomy22:7), just as we find in 1
Kings 3:14 a goodold age referred to as a specialblessing from God. In
Deuteronomy 5:16, the promise of long life is followedby the words, “and that
it may be well with thee,” which do not later the sense, but merely explain it
more fully.
As the majesty of God was thus to be honoured and fearedin parents, so the
image of God was to be kept sacredin all men. This thought forms the
transition to the rest of the commandments.

77. Copyright Statement
The Keil & DelitzschCommentary on the Old Testamentis a derivative of a
public domain electronic edition.
Bibliography
Keil, Carl Friedrich & Delitzsch, Franz. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/kdo/exodus-20.html. 1854-
1889.
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Hawker's PoorMan's Commentary
This is the fifth commandment: and the first of the secondtable of the law
concerning our duty to our neighbour. The apostle calls this the first
commandment with promise. Ephesians 6:2.
Copyright Statement
These files are public domain.
Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Hawker, Robert, D.D. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "Hawker'sPoor
Man's Commentary".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/pmc/exodus-20.html. 1828.
return to 'Jump List'
Wesley's ExplanatoryNotes
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land
which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

78. We have here the laws of the secondtable, as they are commonly called;the
six last commandments which concernour duty to ourselves, andone another,
and are a comment upon the secondgreatcommandment, Thou shalt love thy
neighbour as thyself. As religiontowards God is, an essentialbranchof
universal righteousness, so righteousnesstowards menis an essentialbranch
of true religion: godliness and honesty must go together. The fifth
commandment is concerning the duties we owe to our relations;that of
children to their parents is only instanced in, honour thy father and thy
mother, which includes, 1. an inward esteemof them, outwardly expressed
upon all occasionsin our carriage towards them; fear them, Leviticus 19:3,
give them reverence, Hebrews 12:9. The contrary to this is mocking at them
or despising them, 2. Obedience to their lawful commands; so it is expounded,
Ephesians 6:1-3. Children obey your parents; come when they call you, go
where they send you, do what they bid you, do not what they forbid you; and
this chearfully, and from a principle of love. Though you have saidyou will
not, yet afterwards repent and obey3. Submission to their rebukes,
instructions and corrections, notonly to the goodand gentle, but also to the
froward4. Disposing of themselves with the advice, direction and consentof
parents, not alienating their property, but with their approbation5.
Endeavouring in every thing to be the comfortof their parents, and to make
their old age easyto them; maintaining them if they stand in need of support.
That thy days may be long in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee —
This promise, (which is often literally fulfilled) is expounded in a more general
sense Ephesians 6:3.
That it may be well with thee, and thou mayst live long on the earth — Those
that in consciencetowards Godkeepthis and other of God's commandments,
may be sure it shall be wellwith them, and they shall live as long on the earth
as infinite wisdom sees goodfor, them, and what they may seemto be cut
short of on earth, shall be abundantly made up in eternal life, the heavenly
Canaanwhich God will give them.
Copyright Statement

79. These files are public domain and are a derivative of an electronic edition that
is available on the Christian ClassicsEtherealLibrary Website.
Bibliography
Wesley, John. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "JohnWesley's Explanatory
Notes on the Whole Bible".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/wen/exodus-20.html. 1765.
return to 'Jump List'
Calvin's Commentary on the Bible
I am not ignorant that the Tables ofthe Law are usually divided in a different
manner; (1) for those, who make only one of the first two Commandments,
are obligedfinally to mangle the last. Thus the prohibition of God to covet
either our neighbor’s wife or his house, is foolishly separatedinto two parts,
whereas it is quite clearthat only one thing is treated of, as we gather from the
words of Paul, who quotes them as a single Commandment. (Romans 7:7.)
There is, however, no need of a lengtheneddiscussionhere, since the fact itself
explains how one error has grown out of another; for, when they had
improperly hidden the SecondCommandment under the First, and
consequentlydid not find the right number, they were forcedto divide into
two parts what was one and indivisible. A frivolous reasonis assignedby
Augustine why they comprised the First Table in three commandments, viz.,
that believers might learn to worship God in the Trinity, and thus to adore
one God in three persons. By inconsideratelytrifling with such subtleties, they
have exposedGod’s law to the mockeries ofthe ungodly. Josephus (2) indeed
rightly enumerates the Commandments themselves in their proper order, but
improperly attributes five Commandments to eachTable;as if God had had
regard to arithmetic rather than to instruct His people separatelyin the duties
of charity, after having laid down for them the rules of piety. Forup to this
point the rule of rightly serving God has been delivered, i. e. , the First Table
embraces a summary of piety; and now the Law will begin to show how men
ought to live with eachother, otherwise one Table would have been enough,

80. nor would God have divided his Law without a purpose. But whereas piety (3)
and justice comprise the perfect rule for the direction of our lives, it was
necessaryto distinguish these two parts, that the people might understand the
objectof the Law, of which we shall againspeak hereafter.
Exodus 20:12.Honorthy father Although charity (as being “the bond of
perfectness,”Colossians 3:14)contains the sum of the SecondTable, still,
mutual obligationdoes not prevent either parents or others, who are in
authority, from retaining their proper position. Nay, human societycannotbe
maintained in its integrity, unless children modestly submit themselves to
their parents, and unless those, who are set overothers by God’s ordinance,
are even reverently honored. But inasmuch as the reverence which children
pay to their parents is accounteda sortof piety, some have therefore foolishly
placed this precept in the First Table. Nor are they supported in this by Paul,
though he does not enumerate this Commandment, where he collects the sum
of the SecondTable, (Romans 13:9;) for he does this designedly, because he is
there expresslyteaching that obedience is to be paid to the authority of kings
and magistrates. Christ, however, puts an end to the whole controversy,
where, among the precepts of the SecondTable, He enumerates this, that
children should honor their parents. (Matthew 19:19.)
The name of the mothers is expresslyintroduced, lesttheir sex should render
them contemptible to their male children.
It will be now well to ascertainwhat is the force of the word “honor,” not as to
its grammatical meaning, (for ‫,ּכבכ‬ cabad, is nothing else but to pay due honor
to God, and to men who are in authority,) but as to its essentialsignification.
Surely, since God would not have His servants comply with external
ceremonies only, it cannotbe doubted but that all the duties of piety towards
parents are here comprised, to which children are laid under obligation by
natural reasonitself; and these may be reduced to three heads, i e. , that they
should regardthem with reverence;that they should obediently comply with
their commands, and allow themselves to be governedby them; and that they
should endeavorto repay what they owe to them, and thus heartily devote to
them themselves and their services. Since,therefore, the name of Father is a
sacredone, and is transferred to men by the peculiar goodnessofGod, the

81. dishonoring of parents redounds to the dishonor of God Himself, nor can any
one despise his father without being guilty of an offense againstGod, (
sacrilegium.)If any should object that there are many ungodly and wicked
fathers whom their children cannot regardwith honor without destroying the
distinction betweengoodand evil, the reply is easy, that the perpetual law of
nature is not subverted by the sins of men; and therefore, howeverunworthy
of honor a father may be, that he still retains, inasmuch as he is a father, his
right over his children, provided it does not in anywise derogate from the
judgment of God; for it is too absurd to think of absolving under any pretext
the sins which are condemned by His Law; nay, it would be a base
profanation to misuse the name of father for the covering of sins. In
condemning, therefore, the vices of a father, a truly pious son will subscribe to
God’s Law; and still, whatsoeverhe may be, will acknowledgethat he is to be
honored, as being the father given him by God.
Obedience comes next, which is also circumscribed by certain limits. Paul is a
faithful interpreter of this Commandment, where he bids “children obey their
parents.” (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20.)Honor, therefore, comprises
subjection; so that he who shakes offthe yoke of his father, and does not allow
himself to be governed by his authority, is justly said to despise his father; and
it will more clearly appearfrom other passages, thatthose who are not
obedient to their parents are deemed to despise them. Still, the powerof a
father is so limited as that God, on whom all relationships depend, should
have the rule over fathers as well as children; for parents govern their
children only under the supreme authority of God. Paul, therefore, does not
simply exhort children to obey their parents, but adds the restriction, “in the
Lord;” whereby he indicates that, if a father enjoins anything unrighteous,
obedience is freely to be denied him. Immoderate strictness, moroseness, and
even cruelty must be born, so long as a mortal man, by wickedlydemanding
what is not lawful, does not endeavorto rob God of His right. In a word, the
Law so subjects children to their parents, as that God’s right may remain
uninfringed. An objection here arises in the shape of this question: It may
sometimes happen that a son may hold the office of a magistrate, but that the
father may be a private person, and that thus the soncannot discharge his
private duty without violating public order. The point is easily solved:that all

82. things may be so tempered by their mutual moderation as that, whilst the
father submits himself to the government of his son, (4) yet he may not be at
all defrauded of his honor, and that the son, although his superior in power,
may still modestly reverence his father.
The third head of honor is, that children should take care of their parents,
and be ready and diligent in all their duties towards them. This kind of piety
the Greeks callἀντιπελαργία, (5)because storkssupply food to their parents
when they are feeble and worn out with old age, and are thus our instructors
in gratitude. Hence the barbarity of those is all the more base and detestable,
who either grudge or neglectto relieve the poverty of their parents, and to aid
their necessities.
Now, although the parental name ought, by its ownsweetness, sufficientlyto
attract children to ready submission, still a promise is added as a stimulus, in
order that they may more cheerfully bestir themselves to pay the honor which
is enjoined upon them. Paul, therefore, that children may be more willing to
obey their parents, reminds us that this “is the first commandment with
promise,” (Ephesians 6:2;) for although a promise is annexed to the Second
Commandment, yet it is not a specialone, as we perceive this to be. The
reward, that the days of children who have behaved themselves piously to
their parents shall be prolonged, aptly corresponds with the observance of the
commandment, since in this manner God gives us a proof of His favor in this
life, when we have been grateful to those to whom we are indebted for it;
whilst it is by no means just that they should greatly prolong their life who
despise those progenitors by whom they have been brought into it. Here the
question arises, since this earthly life is exposedto so many cares, and pains,
and troubles, how can God accountits prolongation to be a blessing? But
whereas allcares spring from the curse of God, it is manifest that they are
accidental;and thus, if life be regardedin itself, it does not ceaseto be a proof
of God’s favor. Besides, allthis multitude of miseries does not destroy the
chief blessing of life, viz., that men are createdand preserved unto the hope of
a happy immortality; for God now manifests Himself to them as a Father, that
hereafterthey may enjoy His eternal inheritance. The knowledge ofthis, like a
lighted lamp, causes God’s grace to shine forth in the midst of darkness.
Whence it follows, that those had not tastedthe main thing in life, (6) who

83. have said that the best thing was not to be born, and the next best thing to be
cut off as soonas possible;whereas Godrather so exercises men by various
afflictions, as that it should be goodfor them nevertheless to be createdin His
image, and to be accountedHis children. A clearerexplanationalso is added
in Deuteronomy, not only that they should live, but that it may go wellwith
them; so that not only is length of life promised them, but other accessories
also. And in fact, many who have been ungrateful and unkind to their parents
only prolong their life as a punishment, whilst the reward of their inhuman
conduct is repaid them by their children and descendants. But inasmuch as
long life is not vouchsafedto all who have dischargedthe duties of piety
towards their parents, it must be remembered that, with respectto temporal
rewards, an infallible law is by no means laid down; and still, where God
works variously and unequally, His promises are not made void, because a
better compensationis securedin heaven for believers, who have been
deprived on earth of transitory blessings. Truly experience in all ages has
shown that God has not in vain promised long life to all who have faithfully
dischargedthe duties of true piety towards their parents. Still, from the
principle already stated, it is to be understood that this Commandment
extends further than the words imply; and this we infer from the following
sound argument, viz., that otherwise God’s Law would be imperfect, and
would not instruct us in the perfect rule of a just and holy life.
The natural sense itselfdictates to us that we should obey rulers. If servants
obey not their masters, the societyof the human race is subverted altogether.
It is not, therefore, the leastessentialpart of righteousness (7)that the people
should willingly submit themselves to the command of magistrates, andthat
servants should obey their masters;and, consequently, it would be very
absurd if it were omitted in the Law of God. In this commandment, then, as in
the others, God by synecdoche embraces,under a specific rule, a general
principle, viz., that lawful commands should obtain due reverence from us.
But that all things should not be distinctly expressed, first of all brevity itself
readily accounts for; and, besides, anotherreasonis to be noticed, i. e. that
God designedly used a homely style in addressing a rude people, because He
saw its expediency. If He had said generally, that all superiors were to be
obeyed, since, pride is natural to all, it would not have been easyto incline the

84. greaterpart of men to pay submission to a few. Nay, since subjectionis
naturally disagreeable, many would have kickedagainstit. God, therefore,
propounds a specific kind of subjection, which it would have been gross
barbarism to refuse, that thus, their ferocity being gradually subdued, He
might accustommen to bear the yoke. Hence the exhortations are derived,
that people should “honor the king;” that “everysoul should be subject unto
the higher powers;” that “servants should obey their masters, even the
froward and morose.” (Proverbs 24:21;1 Peter2:13; Romans 13:1; Ephesians
6:5; 1 Peter2:14.)
The Fr. concludes the sentence thus: “et ainsi nous sont comme maistresses
pour nous apprendre a recognoistrele bien que nous avons receude ceux qui
nous ont mis au monde et elevez;” and so are, as it were, our mistresses to
teachus to repay the benefits of those who have brought us into the world and
reared us.
; fu~nai ejpicqoni>oisin a]riston,
Mhd j ejsidei~n aujgavojxe>ov hjeli>v.
Fu>nta d j o[pwv w]kiva pu>lav aji`>daw perh~sai
Kai< kei+sqaipollh<n gh~n ejpamhsa>menon. —
425-428.
It is also reported by Plutarch, in his Παραμυθητικὸς προς Απολλώνιον, by
whom, as well as by Cicero, it is called the reply of Silenus to Midas, —
“Affertur etiam de Sileno fabella quaedam: qui cum a Mida captus esset, hoc
ei muneris pro sua missione dedisse scribitur: docuisse regem, non nasci
homini longe optimum esse;proximum autem, quamprimum mori.” — Tusc
Quaest. 1:48. “Ex quo intelligi licet, non nascilonge optimum esse, nec in hos
scopulos incidere vitae; proximum autem, si natus sis, quamprimum mori, et
tanquam ex incendio effugere fortunae. Sileni quae fertur fabula, etc.” —
Consolatio. Lactantius refers to the latter passage,De falsa sapientia, Section
19. “Hinc nata est inepta illa sententia, etc.”

85. Copyright Statement
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Bibliography
Calvin, John. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "Calvin's Commentary on the
Bible". https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/cal/exodus-20.html.
1840-57.
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James Nisbet's Church Pulpit Commentary
REVERENCEFOR PARENTS
‘Honour thy father and thy mother.’
Exodus 20:12
I. Considervarious ways in which a man may honour his father and mother:
(1) by doing his bestin the way of self-improvement; (2) by habits of care and
frugality; (3) by keeping himself in soberness, temperance,and chastity.
II. Honour to parents is only the principal and most important application of
a generalprinciple. The Apostle bids us honour all men, and again, ‘In
lowliness ofmind let eachesteemother better than themselves.’
III. From the conceptionof love due to father and mother, we rise to the
conceptionof the love due to God. When God calls Himself our Father, the
clouds which concealHim from our sight seem to break and vanish, and we
feel that we can love and honour Him. Above all, we canrecognise Him as the
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who in Him, and through His incarnation,
has adopted us into the highest condition of sonship, and made us heirs with
Him of eternal life.
—BishopHarvey Goodwin.
SECOND OUTLINE

86. I. The Israelite, when he came into the land which the Lord God gave him,
may have found many temptations not to honour his father and mother; and
unless he believed that God knew what was goodfor him and for all men, and
was commanding the thing that was right and true, and unless he believed
that God would give him strength to obey that which He commanded, he
would yield continually to his evil nature. But the words would be fulfilled to
him. His days would be long in the land which the Lord his God gave him.
II. We too have the land for our inheritance. Our fathers and mothers
belongedto it, as their fathers and mothers did, and while we reverence them,
every one of us may feel that his days are indeed very long in this country.
Yes, for they are not bounded by our birth, or by our death either. The
country had people in it who belonged to us before we came into it; it will
have those belonging to us when we have gone out of it. It is the Lord God
who is, and was, and is to come, who has watchedover our family, and will
watchover those who shall come hereafter.
III. Count this commandment which God gives thee to be thy life. So out of
the earthly honour there will spring one that is eternal. The vision of the
perfect Father, the joy and blessednessofbeing His child, will dawn upon thee
more and more, and with the higher blessing there will come a greater
enjoyment and appreciation of the lower.
Rev. F. D. Maurice.
Illustration
(1) ‘The Commandment bears the impress of the antique mode of thought in
another respect, in that what it enjoins is neither obedience nor love, but
“honour.” On the one hand, mere obedience to parental precepts would not
suffice; but, on the other, the modern tendency to slur over the idea of
parental authority, and melt all other filial duties into that of affection, is
entirely alien from the spirit of the Old Testament. “If I be a father, where is
mine honour?” says Godthrough the last of the prophets. The Romans made
much of the patria potestas, the parental authority, and the Jewishfather was
to “command his householdafter him.” The relation seems austere and cold to

87. us, but it would be all the better for many an English household if modern
fathers commanded, and children obeyed, a gooddeal more.’
(2) ‘There is a saloon-keeperin Cincinnati who dwells in a beautiful house,
while his old father and mother live in a hovel. Some one askedhim why he
did not help them. “Help them!” he answeredhotly. “Why should I help
them?” “Why? Why?” exclaimed the gentleman in surprise. “Because they
are your parents, and brought you into the world.” “But I didn’t ask them to
bring me. I am under no obligationto them for it. Life is no blessing in itself.
They didn’t consultme!” he replied. Now I want to ask any one who does not
believe that life is a gift of God, and is (in its potentiality) a good, how is he
going to get around the saloon-keeper’s argument? I cannot help thinking that
it is into just that awful selfishness thatatheism, and perhaps even
agnosticism, willland men. Either life is a blessing, and the gift of a loving
God, or else it is of no value in itself, and a man has a perfect right to neglect,
and even curse, the beings who brought him into it without his consent. On
this supposition, what becomes ofcivilisation? Does anybody believe that
civilisation could be perpetuated on the creed of the saloon-keeper? Reverence
for children (and childhood) and for parents (and old age)are the two rails on
which the car of civilisation runs, and you will ditch it if you take up either
one.’
Copyright Statement
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Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Nisbet, James. "Commentaryon Exodus 20:12". Church Pulpit Commentary.
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/cpc/exodus-20.html. 1876.

88. return to 'Jump List'
John Trapp Complete Commentary
Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long
upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Ver. 12. Honour thy father, &c.]Philo well! observeth, that this fifth
commandment, which therefore he maketh a branch of the first table, and so
divides the tables equally, is a mixed commandment, εντολη μικτη;and
differs somewhatfrom the restof those in the secondtable. They consider
man as our neighbour, in nature like us: this, as God’s deputy, by him setover
us, and in his name, and by his authority, performing offices about us.
That thy days may be long.] A goodchild lengtheneth his father’s days;
therefore God promiseth to lengthen his. Ill children, as they bring their
parents’ "grayhairs with sorrow to the grave";so they are many times cut off
in the midst of their days, as Abimelech was:God rendering upon him the evil
that he did to his father. [ 9:56] Besides the punishment they have in their
posterity, to whom they have been peremptores potius quam parentes. (a) One
complained, that never father had so undutiful a child as he had: yes, saidhis
son, with less grace than truth, my grandfather had. {See Trapp (for summary
of Law) on "Exodus 20:17"}
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Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography

89. Trapp, John. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". JohnTrapp Complete
Commentary. https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/jtc/exodus-
20.html. 1865-1868.
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Sermon Bible Commentary
Exodus 20:12
I. The relationship in which we stand to our parents, a relationship based
upon the factthat we owe our existence to them, that we are made in their
image, that for so long a time we depend on them for the actual maintenance
of life, and that, as the necessaryresultof all this, we are completely under
their authority during childhood—this relationship is naturally made the
highest symbol of our relationship to God Himself.
II. Honouring our parents includes respect, love, and obedience as long as
childhood and youth continue, and the gradual modification and
transformation of these affections and duties into higher forms as manhood
and womanhooddraw on.
III. The promise attachedto the commandment is a promise of prolonged
national stability. St. Paul, slightly changing its form, makes it a promise of
long life to individuals. Common experience justifies the change.
IV. There is one considerationthat may induce us to obey this commandment
which does not belong to the other nine: the time will come when it will be no
longerpossible for us to obey it.
R. W. Dale, The Ten Commandments, p. 120.
I. Considervarious ways in which a man may honour his father and mother:
(1) by doing his bestin the way of self-improvement; (2) by habits of care and
frugality; (3) by keeping himself in soberness, temperance,and chastity.

90. II. Honour to parents is only the principal and most important application of
a generalprinciple. The Apostle bids us honour all men, and again, "In
lowliness ofmind let eachesteemother better than themselves."
III. From the conceptionof love due to father and mother, we rise to the
conceptionof the love due to God. When God calls Himself our Father, the
clouds which concealHim from our sight seem to break and vanish, and we
feel that we can love and honour Him. Above all, we canrecognise Him as the
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who in Him, and through His incarnation,
has adopted us into the highest condition of sonship, and made us heirs with
Him of eternal life.
Bishop Harvey Goodwin, Oxford and Cambridge Undergraduates'Journal,
Oct. 30th, 1884.
I. The Israelite, when he came into the land which the Lord God gave him,
may have found many temptations not to honour his father and mother; and
unless he believed that God knew what was goodfor him and for all men, and
was commanding the thing that was right and true, and unless he believed
that God would give him strength to obey that which He commanded, he
would yield continually to his evil nature.
But the words would be fulfilled to him. His days would not be long in the
land which the Lord his God gave him.
II. We too have the land for our inheritance. Our fathers and mothers
belongedto it, as their fathers and mothers did, and while we reverence them,
every one of us may feel that his days are indeed very long in this country.
Yes, for they are not bounded by our birth, or by our death either. The
country had people in it who belonged to us before we came into it; it will
have those belonging to us when we have gone out of it. It is the Lord God
who is, and was, and is to come, who has watchedover our family, and will
watchover those who shall come hereafter.
III. Count this commandment which God gives thee to be thy life. So out of
the earthly honour there will spring one that is eternal. The vision of the
perfect Father, the joy and blessednessofbeing His child, will dawn upon thee

91. more and more, and with the higher blessing there will come a greater
enjoyment and appreciation of the lower.
F. D. Maurice, Sermons Preachedin Country Churches, p. 88.
References:Exodus 20:12.—J. Vaughan, Sermons to Children, 4th series, p.
194;E. Irving, CollectedWritings, vol. iii., p. 244;R. Newton, Bible Warnings,
p. 309;J. OswaldDykes, The Law of the Ten Words, p. 105;S. Leathes, The
Foundations of Morality, p. 141;F. D. Maurice, The Commandments, p. 76.
Exodus 20:12-21.—Preacher's Monthly, vol. ii., pp. 210, 214.
Copyright Statement
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Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Nicoll, William R. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "SermonBible
Commentary". https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/sbc/exodus-
20.html.
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Thomas Coke Commentary on the Holy Bible
Exodus 20:12. Honour thy father and thy mother— This is the first
commandment of the secondtable, and therefore called by St. Paul the first
with promise, Ephesians 6:2. A promise, which, in the letter and its primary
sense, manifestlyrefers to the land of Canaan, which the Lord was about to
give the Hebrews; and which promise was so far peculiar to them, since to
them, as a nation, the promise seems particularly given. See note on Exodus
20:5. Visiting the iniquity, &c. But St. Paul gives it a more extensive sense,
applying it to long life upon the earth; following the words of Deuteronomy
5:16 that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. The

92. word rendered honour, ‫ּכבכ‬ kabed, signifies "to give all kind of weight and
importance; to esteemand treat as weighty and honourable; as worthy of all
duty and respect." All nations and people have agreed, with just reason, to
hold filial duty in the highest degree ofveneration.
Copyright Statement
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Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Coke, Thomas. "Commentaryon Exodus 20:12". Thomas CokeCommentary
on the Holy Bible. https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/tcc/exodus-
20.html. 1801-1803.
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Matthew Poole's EnglishAnnotations on the Holy Bible
The word honour doth not only note the reverence, love, and obedience we
owe them, but also support and maintenance, as appears from Matthew 15:4-
6, and from the like significationof that word, 1 Timothy 5:3,17, which is so
natural and necessarya duty, that the Jews saya man is bound even to beg, or
to work with his hands, that he may relieve his parents.
The
father is put first here, and the
mother Leviticus 19:3, to show that we owe this duty promiscuously and
indifferently to both of them. Compare Exodus 21:15,17 Deu21:18 27:16
Proverbs 20:20 30:17. And because these laws are brief, and yet
comprehensive, under these are containedall our superiors and governors.
That thy days may be long, Heb. that they, i.e. thy parents, may prolong thy
days, or the days of thy life, to wit, instrumentally, by their prayers made to
God for thee, and by their blessing in my name conferred upon thee; though

93. the active verb is commonly takenimpersonally, as Job 7:3 Proverbs 9:11
Luke 12:10; and so it may be here, they prolong, for be prolonged.
Copyright Statement
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Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Poole, Matthew, "Commentaryon Exodus 20:12". Matthew Poole'sEnglish
Annotations on the Holy Bible.
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/mpc/exodus-20.html. 1685.
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Expositor's Bible Commentary
THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT.
"Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land
which the Lord thy God giveth thee."--Exodus 20:12.
This commandment forms a kind of bridge betweenthe first table and the
second. Obedience to parents is not merely a neighbourly virtue; we do not
honour them simply as our fellow-men: they are the vicegerents ofGod to our
childhood; through them He supplies our necessities, defends our feebleness,
and pours in light and wisdom upon our ignorance;by them our earliest
knowledge ofright and wrong is imparted, and upon the sanctionof their
voice it long depends.
It is clearthat parental authority cannotbe undermined, nor filial
disobedience and irreverence gain ground, without shaking the foundations of
our religious life, even more perhaps than of our socialconduct.
Accordingly this commandment stands before the sixth, not because murder is
a less offence againstsociety, but because it is more emphatically againstour
neighbour, and less directly againstGod.

94. The human infant is dependent and helpless for a longerperiod, and more
utterly, than the young of any other animal. Its growth, which is to reach so
much higher, is slower, and it is feeblerduring the process.And the reasonof
this is plain to every thoughtful observer. God has willed that the race of man
should be bound togetherin the closestrelationships, both spiritual and
secular;and family affectionprepares the heart for membership alike of the
nation and the Church. With this inner circle the wider ones are concentric.
The pathetic dependence of the child nourishes equally the strong love which
protects, and the grateful love which clings. And from our early knowledge of
human generosity, human care and goodness, there is born the capacityfor
belief in the heart of the greatFather, from Whom every family in heaven and
earth derived its Greek name of Fatherhood(Ephesians 3:15).
Woe to the father whose cruelty, selfishness, orevil passions make it hard for
his child to understand the Archetype, because the type is spoiled! or whose
tyranny and self-will suggestratherthe stern God of reprobation, or of
servile, slavish subjection, than the tender Father of freeborn sons, who are no
more under tutors and governors, but are called unto freedom.
But how much sorerwoe to the sonwho dishonours his earthly parent, and in
so doing slays within himself the very principle of obedience to the Father of
spirits!
No earthly tie is perfect, and therefore no earthly obedience canbe absolute.
Some crisis comes in every life when the most innocent and praiseworthy
affectionbecomes a snare--whenthe counselwe most relied upon would fain
mislead our conscience--whena man, to be Christ's disciple, must "hate father
and mother," as Christ Himself heard the temptation of the evil one speaking
through chosenand beloved lips, and said "Getthee behind Me, Satan." Even
then we shall respectthem, and pray as Christ prayed for His failing apostle,
and when the storm has spent itself they shall resume their due place in the
loving heart of their Christian offspring.
So Jesus, whenMary would interrupt His teaching, said "Who is My
mother?" But imminent death could not prevent Him from pitying her
sorrow, and committing her to His beloveddisciple as to a son.

95. From the letter of this commandment streams out a loving influence to
sanctify all the rest of our relationships. As the love of God implies that of our
brother also, so does the honour of parents involve the recognitionof all our
domestic ties.
And even unassistednature will tend to make long the days of the loving and
obedient child; for life and health depend far less upon affluence and luxury
than upon a well-regulateddisposition, a loving heart, a temper which can
obey without chafing, and a consciencewhichrespects law. All these are being
learned in disciplined and dutiful households, which are therefore the
nurseries of happy and righteous children, and so of long-lived families in the
next generationalso. Exceptions there must be. But the rule is clear, that
violent and curbless lives will spend themselves faster than the lives of the
gentle, the loving, the law-abiding and the innocent.
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Bibliography
Nicoll, William R. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "Expositor's Bible
Commentary". https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/teb/exodus-
20.html.
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Whedon's Commentary on the Bible
THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT,Exodus 20:12.
12. Honour thy father and thy mother — This commandment belongs
properly to the “first table,” as we have shown above, for it inculcates a form
of piety as distinguished from morality. “Fora considerable time,” observes
Clarke, “parents stand, as it were, in the place of God to their children, and
therefore rebellion againsttheir lawful commands has been consideredas

96. rebellion againstGod.” The death penalty was enjoined for him who smote or
reviled his parents. Exodus 21:15;Exodus 21:17. The proverb (in Proverbs
30:17)shows how execrable the dishonouring of parents was considered:“The
eye that mocketh at his father, and despisethto obey his mother, the ravens of
the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shalleatit.” See also the
apocryphal book of Ecclesiasticus, Exodus 3:1-16. The filial relation best
represents the true relationship of man to God as his author and preserver,
and, accordingly, he who disrespects its sacredness exhibits one of the most
notable marks of impiety. But loyalty and devotion to parents tend to cultivate
reverence for God, and for rulers, ministers, and teachers, who hold positions
of responsibility and are set to guard the public weal. It is worthy of note that
in Leviticus 19:3, this law and that of the sabbath are united togetherthus:
“Ye shall fear every man his mother and his father, and keepmy Sabbaths.”
These two are the only commandments of the decalogue whichare expressed
in positive form.
That thy days may be long — The apostle calls this “the first commandment
with promise.” Ephesians 6:2. It is the only one in the decalogue whichhas a
specific promise attachedto it.
The land which the Lord thy God giveth thee is here to be understood first of
the promised land of Israel, the land of Canaan. Comp. Deuteronomy4:26;
Deuteronomy 4:40; Deuteronomy30:18; Deuteronomy32:47. But in the wider
scope which this commandment has, as being grounded in the nature of the
family, and so alike binding upon all men, it is to be understood of the land or
country of any and every individual. “Filial respect,” says Cook,in The
Speaker’s Commentary, “is the ground of national permanence. When the
Jews were aboutto be castout of their land, the rebuke of the prophet was
that they had not walkedin the old paths, and had not respectedthe voice of
their fathers as the sons of Jonadabhad done. Jeremiah 6:16; Jeremiah35:18-
19. And when in later times the land had been restoredto them, and they were
about to be castout of it a secondtime, the great sin of which they were
convictedwas that they had setaside this fifth commandment for the sake of
their own traditions. Matthew 15:4-6; Mark 7:10-11. Every other nation that
has a history bears witness to the same truth. Rome owed her strength, as well
as the permanence of her influence after she had politically perished, to her

97. steady maintenance of the patria potestas. (Maine, Ancient Law.) China has
mainly owedher long duration to the simple way in which she has uniformly
acknowledgedthe authority of her fathers.”
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Bibliography
Whedon, Daniel. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "Whedon's Commentary
on the Bible". https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/whe/exodus-
20.html. 1874-1909.
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Expository Notes ofDr. Thomas Constable
The fifth commandment20:12
"The first four commandments set forth the principles guiding Israel"s
relationship to Yahweh; and the last six commandments set forth the
principles guiding Israel"s relationshipwith the covenantcommunity, and
more broadly, with the human family. As the second, third, and fourth
commandments are in many ways extensions of the first commandment, the
first four commandments are the foundation for the final six commandments.
And all of the commandments, as principles governing covenant relationships,
are founded on the ultimate OT statement of relationship, which stands as
prologue to the ten commandments: "I am Yahweh, your God" ... Because
Yahweh Isaiah, and is Israel"s God, Israelboth is and must become a certain
and specialpeople." [Note:Durham, p290.]

98. All Israelites were to honor their parents because parents are God"s
representatives to their children in God"s administrative order. Thus the fifth
commandment is as foundational to commandments six through ten as the
first commandment is to commandments two through four. The Israelites
were to honor God because He had given them life, and they were to honor
their parents because they were His instruments in giving them life. The
promise of long life in the Promised Land is a reminder that God gave the
command to Israelites. The Apostle Paul repeatedthis responsibility as
binding on the church in Ephesians 6:1-3 but changedthe command to
"obey," as well as the promise (cf. Matthew 15:3-4;Colossians3:20). [Note:
See Maurice E. Wagner, "How to Honor Your Parents When They"ve Hurt
You," PsychologyforLiving28:6 (June1986):12-14.]
Copyright Statement
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Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Constable, Thomas. DD. "Commentaryon Exodus 20:12". "ExpositoryNotes
of Dr. Thomas Constable".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/dcc/exodus-20.html. 2012.
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JosephBenson's Commentaryof the Old and New Testaments
Exodus 20:12. We have here the laws of the secondtable, as they are
commonly called, the last six commandments, which concernour duty to
ourselves and one another, and are a comment upon the secondgreat
commandment, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. As religion toward
God is an essentialbranch of universal righteousness,so righteousnesstoward

99. men is an essentialbranch of true religion: godliness and honestymust go
together. The fifth commandment is concerning the duties we owe to our
relations;that of children to their parents is only instancedin, honour thy
father and thy mother — Which includes, 1st, An inward esteemofthem,
outwardly expressedupon all occasionsin our carriage towardthem. The
contrary to this is mocking at them or despising them. 2d, Obedience to their
lawful commands; so it is expounded, Ephesians 6:1-2, Children, obey your
parents; come when they call you, go where they send you, do what they bid
you, do not what they forbid you; and this cheerfully, and from a principle of
love. Though you have said you will not, yet afterward, repent and obey. 3d,
Submission to their rebukes, instructions, and corrections, not only to the
goodand gentle, but also to the froward. 4th, Disposing of themselves with the
advice, direction, and consentof parents, not alienating their property, but
with their approbation. 5th, Endeavouring in everything to be the comfort of
your parents, and to make their old age easyto them; maintaining them if
they stand in need of support. That thy days may be long upon the land which
the Lord thy God giveth thee — This promise (which is often literally fulfilled)
is expounded in a more generalsense, Ephesians 6:3, “Thatit may be well
with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” Those that, from
consciencetowardGod, keepthis and other of God’s commandments, may be
sure it shall be well with them, and they shall live as long on the earth as
infinite wisdom sees willbe good for them; and what they may seemto be cut
short of on earth, shall be abundantly made up in eternal life, the heavenly
Canaan, which God will give them.
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Bibliography

100. Benson, Joseph. "Commentaryon Exodus 20:12". JosephBenson's
Commentary. https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/rbc/exodus-
20.html. 1857.
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George Haydock's Catholic Bible Commentary
Honour. Love, respect, feed, if requisite; support the infirmities of parents.
See Numbers xxiv. 1; 1 Timothy v. 3, 17. They are ministers of Godin the
production of children; and those who offer an affront to his minister, irritate
God. (Philo) --- Land of Chanaan. The promises are of a temporal nature; but
they should bring to our reflectionthe eternalrewards which attend the
virtuous. The duties of parents are not specified, as nature would shew their
extent, and as the obligations of parents and children are reciprocal. (Calmet)
Copyright Statement
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Bibliography
Haydock, George Leo. "Commentaryon Exodus 20:12". "GeorgeHaydock's
Catholic Bible Commentary".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/hcc/exodus-20.html. 1859.
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E.W. Bullinger's Companion Bible Notes
Honour. This completes the first five, and ends with "promise "(Ephesians
6:2). These five, that relate to piety, are thus separatedfrom the five that
relate to probity. The first and fifth begin and end the five with honour to
God, and to our parents whom He honours. They have nothing to do with our
"neighbours".

101. Copyright Statement
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Text Courtesyof BibleSupport.com. Used by Permission.
Bibliography
Bullinger, Ethelbert William. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "E.W.
Bullinger's Companion bible Notes".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/bul/exodus-20.html. 1909-
1922.
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Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible - Unabridged
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land
which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Honour thy father and thy mother - by expressions of respectand reverence
for them, as instrumentally the representatives ofGod, and by every token of
attention and considerate regardfor their support and comfort. This
commandment holds a high place in the rank of socialduties, and comes next
in order after the law of the Sabbath, with which it is associated(Leviticus
19:3). Love is the sentiment required to be cherishedtoward our fellow-men
(Leviticus 19:18), but honour or 'fear' towardparents. There is a solitary
instance of apparent neglectto His mother in the life of Jesus;but His
conduct, as explained by Himself, was perfectly consistentwith the utmost
respectto His human parents (Luke 2:49).
This commandment, in its spirit and legitimate range, extends beyond natural
parents to rulers, who existed at the time of its delivery in the form of
patriarchal governors (Exodus 22:28;Genesis 45:8;Judges 5:7), as well as to
prophets and teachers, who are frequently called"fathers" (2 Kings 2:12; 2
Kings 13:1-25;2 Kings 14:1-29 : cf. Psalms 34:11;Psalms 45:10; Proverbs 1:8;
Proverbs 1:10; Proverbs 1:15).

102. That thy days may be long upon the land - i:e., that thou mayest live long in
the land; said either of the Israelites collectively, thatif they were
distinguished by a race of obedient children they would enjoy a lengthened
possessionofthe land of promise, or with regardto individuals, that by piety
and righteousness theywould, through the natural tendency of these, as well
as by the blessing of God securedby them, attain a protractedlongevity
(Deuteronomy 6:2) in this world, which will be the pledge and prelude of
eternal life in the next.
In Deuteronomy 5:16; Deuteronomy 22:7, as well as in Ephesians 6:3, the
additional clause, "thatit may be well with thee," is inserted apparently with
no other view than to bring out the meaning more fully. Those who walk in
the ways of the Lord find, as the generalcourse ofhistory and experience
attests, this divine premise fulfilled. A remarkable instance is recordedin
Scripture, (Jeremiah 35:1-19.)To this day the Rechabites are living
monuments of the truth of this promise ('Journal' of Dr. JosephWolff).-The
commandments in the secondtable of the law relate to violations of social
order-in deed, in word, and in thought or desire. The first three stand in our
present Hebrew Bibles is the following order;-prohibitions of acts againstlife,
marriage, and property. In the Septuagintthey are arrangeddifferently-
marriage, property, and life.
Copyright Statement
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Bibliography
Jamieson, Robert, D.D.;Fausset,A. R.; Brown, David. "Commentary on
Exodus 20:12". "CommentaryCritical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible -
Unabridged". https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/jfu/exodus-
20.html. 1871-8.
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103. Ellicott's Commentary for English Readers
(12) Honour thy father and thy mother.—It is not a matter of much
importance how we divide the commandments; nor is it historically certain
how they were originally distributed betweenthe two tables. But, practically,
the view that the fifth commandment begins the secondtable, which lays down
our duty towards our neighbours, is to be preferred for its convenience,
though it trenches upon symmetrical arrangement. Of all our duties to our
fellow-men, the first and most fundamental is our duty towards our parents,
which lies at the root of all our socialrelations, and is the first of which we
naturally become conscious. Honour, reverence, and obedience are due to
parents from the position in which they stand to their children :—(1) As, in a
certain sense, the authors of their being; (2) as their shelterers and nourishers;
(3) as their protectors and educators, from whom they derive the foundation
of their moral training and the first elements of their knowledge. Evenamong
savagesthe obligations of children towards their parents are felt and
acknowledgedto a greateror a less extent; and there has never been a
civilised community of whose moral code they have not formed an important
part. In Egypt the duty of filial piety was strictly inculcatedfrom a very early
date (Lenormant, Histoire Ancienne, vol. i., pp. 342, 343), and a bad son
forfeited the prospectof happiness in another life (ibid., pp. 513, 514).
Confucianism bases allmorality upon the parental and filial relation, and
requires the most complete subjection, even of the grown-up son, to his father
and mother. Greek ethics taught that the relation of children to their parents
was parallel to that of men to God (Aristot. Eth. Nic. , § 5); and Rome made
the absolute authority of the father the basis of its entire State system. The
Divine legislationofSinai is in full accord, here as elsewhere,with the voice of
reasonand conscience, affirming broadly the principles of parental authority
and filial submission, but leaving the mode in which the principles should be
carried out to the discretion of individuals or communities.
That thy days may be long upon the land.—The fifth commandment (as all
allow)is “the first commandment with promise” (Ephesians 6:2); but the
promise may be understood in two quite different senses. (1)It may be taken
as guaranteeing national permanence to the people among whom filial respect
and obedience is generally practised;or (2) it may be understood in the

104. simpler and more literal sense of a pledge that obedient children shall, as a
generalrule, receive for their reward the blessing of long life. In favour of the
former view have been urged the facts of Roman and Chinese permanence,
togetherwith the probability that Israel forfeited its possessionofCanaanin
consequence ofpersisting in the breachof this commandment. In favour of the
latter may be adduced the application of the text by St. Paul (Ephesians 6:3),
which is purely personaland not ethnic; and the exegesis ofthe Son of Sirach
(Wisdom of Solomon3:6), which is similar. It is also worthy of note that an
Egyptian sage, who wrote long before Moses, declaredit as the result of his
experience that obedient sons did attain to a goodold age in Egypt, and laid
down the principle broadly, that “the son who attends to the words of his
father will grow old in consequence”(Lenormant, Histoire Ancienne, vol. i., p.
342).
Copyright Statement
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Bibliography
Ellicott, Charles John. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "Ellicott's
Commentary for English Readers".
https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/ebc/exodus-20.html. 1905.
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Treasuryof Scripture Knowledge
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land
which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Honour

105. 21:15,17;Leviticus 19:3,32;1 Kings 2:19; 2 Kings 2:12; Proverbs 1:8,9; 15:5;
20:20;Proverbs 23:22-25;28:24; 30:11,17;Malachi1:6; Matthew 15:4-6;
Luke 18:20; Ephesians 5:21;6:1-3; Colossians 3:20
that thy
Deuteronomy 4:26,40;25:15; 32:47;Proverbs 3:16
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Bibliography
Torrey, R. A. "Commentary on Exodus 20:12". "The Treasuryof Scripture
Knowledge". https:https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/tsk/exodus-
20.html.
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Preacher's Complete HomileticalCommentary
CRITICAL NOTES.—
Exo . Upon the land.] More exactly: "upon the ground" or "soil" ('adhamah,
not 'eretz); a term happily used of a people destined to become a nation of
agriculturists. Patriotism clings fondly to the "soil" onwhich a people's
fathers have trod.
MAIN HOMILETICS OF THE PARAGRAPH.—Exo
THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT
I. Who are we to honour? "Thy father and thy mother." They have given
birth to their children. They have educated them. They have provided for
their wants in days of infancy and weakness. Theylove them as no one else
can. They watch them with intense interest, in the opening of their minds to
truth, and in their progress in socialand commerciallife. They are over them

106. in the Lord; and children must give honour not merely in the socialand
domestic life, but in the moral aspects ofthe relationship.
II. How are we to honour them? Not by mere verbal expressions ofrespect;
but by true reverence, by constant affection, by untiring obedience, and by
every effort calculatedto enhance their welfare and delight. Speak well of
your parents. Take care ofthem in old age. Nevercause them pain by evil
doing. Always commend them to God.
III. Why are we to honour them? "Thatthy days may be long in the land
which the Lord thy God giveth thee." It is well to observe that this is the only
one of the commandments which has a distinct promise connectedwith it.
Hence the apostle says, "Children, obey your parents, which is the first
commandment with promise" (Eph ). "Children, obey your parents, that it
may be well with you." We may contrastthis with another passage:"Cursed
be he that settethlight by his father or his mother." Children must honour
their parents. BecauseGodhas commanded it, because blessing will be
attachedto it, because the high relationship demands it, because self-respect
prompts it, and because in the future they will need a like regard.
SUGGESTIVE COMMENTSON THE VERSES
Exo . Some young people may say that their parents are not lovable, and that
therefore they cannot love them; not wise, and that therefore they cannot
respectthem; that they are unreasonable, capricious, and selfish;that they
have vices of temper and speech, and, perhaps, vices of a still grosserkind;
and that therefore it is simply impossible to honour them. I think that there
are not a few children in our days who are disposed to take this ground, and
to maintain it as a principle. Our parents have a right to just that measure of
respectand affection from us, which they can claim on the ground of their
intelligence and worth, no more and no less. At first sight this looks
reasonable enough. There is very much to be saidfor that view of matters.
How can I love any one who has very little in her to love, simply because she
happens to be my mother? How can I respectany one in whom there is
nothing to respect, simply because he happens to be my father? The
movements of the heart and the decisions of the judgment are and must be

107. altogetherindependent of mere relationship, and are determined by the
characterand power of the people with whom we have to do. That looks very
philosophical, no doubt. But, my philosophic young friend, how would it have
fared with you if your father and mother had had the same ideas about your
claims on them? You want your parents to stand on the same ground as other
men and women, and to be loved and respectedaccording to their personal
merits, just as if they had no natural relationship to you; what would have
happened if they had been equally philosophical and impartial, and if they
had given you only as much affectionand care as you seemedto deserve, or as
you claimed on the ground of your helplessness;if, in short, they had justified
themselves in ignoring any specialobligationto love you and to care for you,
beyond the obligation which would have restedon them to love and care for
any child that happened to come into their hands?—R. W. Dale.
The notices of the childhood and youth of Jesus Christ in the Word of God are
very few. But let us look now at His obedience to His earthly parents. He
honoured them, first by being "subjectto them;" He was obedient; He was
"full of grace and truth;" He grew in wisdom daily. His understanding and
His answers astonishedall that heard them, even the most learned doctors of
the day; and yet this Sonwent down to Nazarethwith His parents, and was
subject to them. What a lessonfor all is this! He who was higher than the
kings of the earth was subject to His parents; He honoured His father; He
obeyed them. And nothing can excuse a child from this duty; it belongs to the
relation, and what God has joined no man may put asunder. We find the
greatestcharacters in the Word of God honouring their parents, Joseph,
though governorof Egypt, bowed himself with his face to the earth before his
father Jacob;and Solomon, the most magnificent of all earthly kings,
honoured his mother with the same reverence, rising up to meet her and
bowing himself unto her, and giving her the place of honour at his right hand;
and "behold a greaterthan Solomonis here," "who was subject unto His
parents"—notmerely courteous and reverential, as the examples I have
mentioned may have been, but "subject" unto them, obedient to them. Nor
should I conceive, dearfriends that age in the leastinterferes with this duty on
the part of children, but that obedience is due from the child to the parent as
long as the relationship exists. There may be a variety of reasons why the

108. parent should have no occasionto exercise his authority; but should occasion
arise, I conceive that the child, howeveradvancedin years, is in no sense
exempt from obedience; because we shallsee, as we go on, that the parent is
certainly not exempt from the exercise ofauthority.—J. W. Reeve, M.A.
ILLUSTRATIONS
BY
THE REV. WILLIAM ADAMSON
ParentalHonour! Exo . When, after the delivery of the law on Mount Sinai,
the commandments were gravenon two tables of stone, this was placedfirst
upon the second. It is the first commandment with promise. A little boy was
once askedin schoolto explain the fifth commandment. Instead of trying to do
so, he coveredhis face with his hands to hide his blushes, and said, "Yesterday
I showeda strange gentlemanover the mountain, and the sharp stones cut my
feet. When the gentleman saw that they were bleeding, he gave me some
money to buy shoes. Igave it to mother, for she had no shoes either, and!
thought that I could very well go barefootto honour my mother."
"Thou shalt honour thy mother, whose love unto thee
The greatestofGod's earthly blessings shallbe."
Filial Faithfulness! Exo . George Washington, whenquite young, was about to
go to sea as a midshipman. Everything was in readiness. His trunk had been
takenon board the boat, and he went to bid his mother farewell. Seeing her
distress, he turned to the servant, saying:"Go and tell them to fetch my trunk
back, for I will not go away to break my mother's heart." His mother. struck
with his decision, and with mingled tears of joy and sorrow, assuredhim that
God would bless him for thus honouring his mother. And the assurance was
realised. The name of GeneralWashingtonis a world-wide word of valiancy,
integrity, and piety. We say that "now we see through a glass darkly."
Suppose, when all is clearin the eternal world, we discoverthat had
Washingtongone to sea he would have met with an untimely—or
unhonoured—death, whereas by honouring his mother his days were long in
the land of his birth.

109. "How sweet, whenwe hear the commandment to say,
‘Lord, if THOU wilt help me, I'll strive to obey;
I'll bend down the force of my own stubborn will,
And bid every passionate feeling be still.'"
Filial Folly! Exo . In Deu 27:16 we read these solemnwords: "Cursedbe he
that settethlight by father or mother." In Pro 30:17, God speaks in this awful
way: "The eye that mockethat his father, and despiseth to obey his mother,
the ravens of the valley shall pick it out." In WesternPennsylvania dwelt an
Irishman, who had been wealthy at one time. He had an only son, whose wild
and wickedways reduced the father to poverty. With shattered health and
fading sight—poor, blind, friendless, and forsaken—the oldman found shelter
in the Franklin almshouses. One day the wickedand ungrateful son was
passing through the city, and was urged to visit his kind father, whom he had
ruined. He refused to do so, and proceededon his journey. A severe storm
overtook him, and he caughta severe cold. It fastenedon his eyes, from which
all sight soonentirely fled. Poverty came;and on the very day that the dead
corpse of the father was borne out, his living corpse was borne into the
Franklin almshouse. He was put into the same room—died in the same bed—
and was borne forth to the same grave.
"Thou shalt honour thy father, the guide of thy youth,
And yield him the homage of love and of truth."
PRECEPTAUSTIN RESOURCES
ALAN CARR

110. Exodus 20:12 HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER
Intro: A mother that had scrimped and savedto put her sonthrough college
satin her son’s graduation. She watchedas he walkedacross the platform and
receivedhis degree with honors. As he walkeddown the isle, instead of
turning into the designatedrow, he kept walking;down to where his mother
sat. The young man threw his arms around her neck, kissedher on the cheek,
and as he placed his diploma in her hands, he said, "Here, Mother, you
earned it!" The fifth commandment addresses thatwhich many parents have
earned.
Let’s face it, there aren’t that many children who hold their parents in that
high regard. Too often, goodold mom and dad are seenas obstacles to be
overcome rather than wise guides to be followedand emulated. In this Fifth
Commandment, God lays down a principle for life that will determine how
every relationship around you will turn out. You see, the home is the
foundational institution of society. No nation, or community of people, is
strongerthan the family structure that makes them up. As goes the home, so
goes the nation, the community, the church, etc. In the home, God has
establishedan order that is to be strictly followed. The husband/father is to be
the head of that home, submitting himself to the will of the heavenly Father.
The wife is to be in subjectionto her husband, not as his doormat, but as his
helpmeet. The children are to submit themselves to their parents, and in doing
so, will be blessedof the Lord. If this order is followed, then the home will be
blessedand will be a blessing to all those involved in it.
Yet, many homes are in shambles tonight because the children have forgotten
all about the Fifth Commandment. It is fitting that this Commandment should
fall here. It divides the commandments related to God from those related to
our fellow man. You see, whenwe are out of step in the home, we will be out
of step with God and with our fellow human beings. It is in the parental
relationship that we learn first how to submit to the Lord and then how we
are to serve our fellow man.

111. As we take a few minutes to look into this verse and all that it teaches, we will
find that there is instruction here for both parents and for children. Let’s talk
tonight about Honoring Thy Father and Thy Mother.
I. THERE IS A RESPECTTHAT IS DEMANDED
A. An Elevation To Recognize – This verse makes it plain that parents are to
be held in high regard by their children. Notice Eph. 6:2 – "Honor thy father
and mother." Honor = "To give greatweight to; to hold as valuable."
Children are to hold Mom and Dad in high respect. They are not just two old
fools out to ruin your fun. They have been placed in your life by the sovereign
will of Almighty God to be your overseersuntil your reachmaturity. In the
early stages of life, while a child is maturing from birth to adulthood, they are
to be in absolute subjection to their parents. Children are to offer
unquestioning obedience to their parents! When a child refuses to obey his/her
parents, they are in effectrefusing to submit to the Lord, Col. 3:20!
(Ill. There were times in my youth when I disobeyed my parents and I was
wrong for doing so. I wish I could go back now with what I know. I would try
to be a model son. But, I can’t go back!You young people who are still living
under your parent’s roof might want to reconsiderjust how you are treating
them! If you aren’t holding them in high regardand respect, then you need to
repent of that sin and do right by your parents.)
(Ill. It is discouraging, and frightening, to see a child or young personbeing
disrespectfulto their parents. It spells trouble down the road, and it shows a
lack of regard for God. It is a sign of deeply rootedsinfulness. There is
absolutely no excuse for any behavior that attacks, disrespectsordishonors
one’s parents! It is a signof ignorance and immaturity!)
B. An EsteemTo Render - As we grow older, we are continue to regard our
parents with greatrespect. As children grow up, it is natural for them to leave
their parent’s home, Gen. 2:24. At this time, we are no longer under there
direct authority. In other words, they aren’t there to tell us what to do day by
day.

112. (Ill. Many are dreaming of that day right now! It ain’t all it’s crackedup to
be!)
Even though we leave their home and leave their authority, we are to still
respectour parents and we are to call to mind the sacrifices theyhave made to
bring us into the world and to nurture us to maturity. We should call to mind
the long nights spent beside the sickbed. The many hours workedto provide
food, shelterand clothing. We should remember the love dispensedin
abundance for so little in return. Even though we are out from under their
authority, we still owe them our respect. Theydeserve nothing less!
(Ill. Jesus, He was the greatexample. As a 12 yearold boy, He submitted
Himself to His parents, Luke 2:51. And, as a dying man, He remembered to
honor His mother by seeing that she was caredfor, John 19:27.)
(Ill. Brother Gerald – He is selling his home and moving awayjust so he can
be near his parents and be certainthat they are getting the care they need.
That is the spirit of this verse!)
C. An Experience To Regard – Let me saya word about parental advise.
Many young people simply refuse to hear what their parents tell them and as
a result, they often experience trouble and hardship. Young people would do
well to remember that parents speak from the experience gained by taking the
hard knocks themselves. Theirwarnings are given to guide their children in
the right path and to steerthem past many of the obstaclesoflife.
(Ill. Experience is far wiserthan ignorance!It is an ignorant child that refuses
the counselof wise, experiencedparents.)
(Ill. Many are like this little girl - A youngster was very unhappy because her
parents had refusedher wishes. Thatevening her mother was amusedto hear
her pray, "Please, Lord, don't give her any more children; she doesn't know
how to treat the ones she's gotnow!" )
(Ill. The attitude of children toward their parents changes as they grow older.
During the teen years especially, some young people show little respectfor
their fathers and mothers. It's disheartening to see this. But as those young
teenagers mature, they begin to recognize that Mom and Dad knew a lot more

113. than they gave them credit for. Mark Twainonce said, "When I was 14 years
old, my father was so ignorant I hated to have the old man around. But when
I was 21 years old, I was astonishedto see how much my father had learnedin
only 7 years."
Sometimes young people come to realize with deep regretthat if they had
followedthe counselof their parents they could have avoided much heartache
both for themselves and their family.
II. THERE IS A RESPECT THAT IS DESERVED
(Ill. While this verse speaks primarily to young people and children, it also
speaks to parents. Children will have a difficult time respecting a parent who
hasn’t lived a life worthy of honor. Allow me to share with you three reasons
how parents canearn the respectof their children.)
A. By Our Faithfulness – Parents need to remember that children will respect
a life that is lived faithfully. Children long to see their parents living with their
best interests at heart. When a child knows that mom and dead really care
about what happens to them, they will respond to that display of love.)
(Ill. Let’s face it, many parents want their kids to do right, because it makes
them look better. Their primary concernis, "What will my friends think of
me if…?" Others are devastatedwhen their children start to turn out
differently than they had planned. A parents duty to their children is to love
them unconditionally and faithfully place their needs aheadof your own. Kids
will respond to that kind of love.)
(By the way, faithfulness to the Lord goes along waywith kids too. When we
live as though the Lord, His work, His worship and His House are optional,
our children will come to believe it too. Don’t expect them to be faithful,
dedicatedChristians when you aren’t one yourself.)
(I guess that what we do speaks so loud our kids can’t hear what we are
saying!)

114. B. By Our Fairness – We earn respectby being fair. That is, we are firm in
what we say, but we are tempered in our actions by love. This brings to mind
2 methods of child rearing that need to be mentioned.
1. Discipline – There are parents who believe that the answerto every
infraction is a beating.
2. Liberty – There are others who feelthat their children can do as they
please. Oh, they may not like what their kids do and there is a lot of yelling,
threatening and pleading, but there is never any discipline imposed on the
waywardchild.
These 2 methods represent the extremes, our duty, in fairness to our children,
is to find the happy medium. There are times when we must discipline, Pro.
13:24;29:17. Any parent who refuses to apply the board of education to the
seatof learning is doing his children a greatinjustice. Then, there are times
when we need to allow our kids a little growing room. Our job is to find that
place where they can be themselves and still learn that God has a plan for
their lives. Too bad they don’t come with training manuals!
C. By Fruitfulness – Parents earn respectfrom their children when they can
see their parents investing their lives in their children. When we give them
love and time and patience and encouragementand hope, they will respond
with respectand love of their own.
(Ill. There was a little boy who expressedgreatconcernabout his parents. He
told of how his father workedhard to provide for all of his needs and how his
mother slavedaround the house, cooking andcleaning up after him and
taking care of him when he was sick. When askedwhathe had to be worried
about he said, "I am afraid that they might escape!")
(Ill. Thank God for those parents who invest their lives into those of their
children!)
(Ill. Children have much to be thankful for in their parents. However, too
many are too immature and too self-centeredto see that. Yet, they will some
day, many when it is too late to saythank you.)

115. III. A REWARD THAT WILL BE DELIVERED
(Ill. This verse contains more that a "don’t", it also gives us a greatpromise.
This verse reminds those who obey Father and Motherthat there are some
promises that they can have for themselves.)
A. Our Days Will Be Lengthened – (Ill. Eph. 6:3) When one honors his
parents as he ought, then God has promised him longer days upon the earth. I
believe that we can take this literally. If this is true, and it is, then it can also
be said that refusal to obey parents canresult in an abbreviated live!
B. Our Days Will Be Lightened – Notonly does the Lord promise length of
days to those who honor their parents, He also promises blessings to those
who choose this wonderful way of life.
(Ill. George Washingtonhad his heart seton going to sea. His trunk was
already on board the ship when he went to tell his mother goodbye. He found
here with tears in her eyes and a heavy heart that was opposedto his journey.
He turned to a hired servantand ordered him to go to the ship and gethis
trunk. He said, "I will not leave and break my mother’s heart." Her response
to him was this, "George,God has promised to bless the children that obey
their parents." God did bless his life and still uses his influence to this day!)
(Ill. By the same token, God has cursedthose who refuse to obey mother and
father - Prov 30:17, "The eye that mockethat his father, and despisethto obey
his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall
eat it.")
(Children that treat their parents with the respectthey are due, and worthy
of, will be blessedof the Lord!
Conc:As I look back over all the years of my life, I realize that in many ways I
was a very disobedient child. Yet, I thank God for my parents and for the life
and raising they gave me. What I am tonight is a product of the investment
they made then. The same stands true for each of us this evening! We may not
always agree with them, and we may not always understand them, nut they
are our parents and as such, they deserve all the love and respectthat we can
possible give to them.

116. BOB DEFFINBAUGH
BetweenChild and Parent - Honoring Father and Mother (Exodus 20:12)
Introduction
The subject of honoring our parents is one of greatimport. One reasonfor its
importance is that both the Old and the New TestamentScriptures command
us to honor our parents.19 The Fifth Commandment states, “Honoryour
father and your mother, that your days may be prolongedin the land which
the Lord your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12). This commandment must be
takenseriously, not only because it is a matter of Old Testamentrevelation,
but because the obligation to honor parents is one that is reiteratedand
reinforced by the New Testament:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father
and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be
well with you, and that you may live long on the earth (Ephesians 6:1-3).
Thus, honoring our parents is a command, which we dare not ignore. But
there is a secondreasonfor carefully studying the Fifth Commandment.
Honoring our parents is one of the highestcallings and the greatesttaskswe
face in life. There are two greattasks in life to which most of us are called.
The first is the bearing and raising of children, to bring them from the
absolute dependence of the womb, to the independence of adolescence, to the
maturity of adulthood. The secondis the caring for our ownparents in their
declining years. Often this involves the deteriorationof the physical body, and
frequently of the mind. The raising of children has its pains, but it usually is
accompaniedby the joy of seeing our children grow up, become mature and
responsible, and independent. The caring for our parents is seldomas
rewarding. The culmination of this process is the grave.

117. Honoring parents confronts the Christian with numerous problems, most of
which are the source ofgreatagony, and frequently of much guilt. We may
have to decide whether or not to have an elderly parent live in our homes with
us, or to place them in a rest home. We may even be calledupon to decide
whether or not to “pull the plug” on machines that artificially preserve life (or
prolong death). We may have to make decisions which our parents disagree
with and for which they (or others) may accuse us of being unloving.
With all of these problems related to honoring our parents, one would expect
a greatdeal of help from Christian literature, but this is not so. Much has
been written and saidto help Christians raise their children. While I have
heard a great deal(sometimes, too much) about the responsibility of parents
to their children, I have not seenanything definitive on the responsibility of
children to their parents. At best, such teaching pertains almostentirely to the
obligation of young children to obey their parents. At worst, the teaching on
honoring parents is distorted. Some have taught that parental authority
should always be exercised, if not in the form of directive statements, in a
poorly defined form of “chainof counsel.” Some would have us think that
placing a parent in a resthome is an unpardonable sin.
The third reasonfor a thorough study of the Fifth Commandment is that our
culture most often hinders and opposes ourefforts to honor our parents. In
the culture of the ancient NearEast, there was a much higher regard for those
in positions of authority (in general)and for parents in particular. Even
today, the Chinese, for example, undergird honoring parents through the
unbiblical practice of ancestorworship. This is, needless to say, not a practice
I would advocate. It does, however, encourage a deeprespectfor parents and
the elderly which is not present in our country.
In America, severalfactors tend to undermine honoring parents.
(1) There is the impact of technology. In previous generations fathers were
often craftsmen, who had learned their trade from their fathers. It took a son
years to match his own father in skills, and he would only gradually pass him
up. By this time, the father was advancedin years. Fathers died earlier, and
did not have the life support systems available in today’s hospitals. Now, a

118. child in elementary schoolmay be learning things that parents never heard of.
Who of us, for example, would want to try to explain some of the math our
kids are being taught in school? Thus, eachnew generationquickly surpasses
the preceding generationin the knowledge itpossesses. There is much
temptation for the younger generationto think of its parents as out of date,
antiquated in thinking. In a societywhere knowledge is prized more than
wisdom, the older generationis fortunate to be respected, letalone honored,
by the younger generation.
(2) Because ofthe rapid increase of divorce, children are often calledupon to
honor one parent and to despise the other. Neither parent can seemto tolerate
the thought of the former mate having the respectof their child. If this were
not bad enough, Freudian Psychologyhas provided eachgenerationwith an
excuse to blame all of its problems on its forebearers. Countless expeditions
into the parental past has provided many individuals with an expensive
excursioninto past history in order to pin the blame for their sins on someone
else, oftenone or both parents.
(3) If it is possible to pin the blame for our problems on someone else,it is also
easyto pin the responsibility of caring for aging parents on someone else.
Perhaps more than any other time in history, we are looking to the
government to carry much of the burden families have borne in providing for
the needs of their aging parents. SocialSecurity, Medicare, Medicaid, and
other government programs are viewed as the means for handling our
obligation as children to our parents.
(4) Honor is due to more than just parents.20 The New Testamentrequires
the Christian to honor all men (Romans 12:10; 1 Peter2:17).21 Learning to
honor parents is thus a significant step in the direction of honoring others.
The purpose of this messageis to explore the meaning of the Fifth
Commandment, not only for the Israelite of old, but for the contemporary
Christian. We will begin by defining the term “honor” and then discovering
how parents in the Old Testamentwere honored or dishonored by their
children. We will next turn to the New Testament, to see from the teaching
and practice of our Lord, how parents were to be honored, especiallyagainst

119. the backdropof the disregardof parents by the scribes and Pharisees. Finally,
we will see how the Fifth Commandment was modified and applied by the
apostle Paul. To conclude our study we will seek to distill the fundamental
principles which should governus in honoring our parents, and in dealing
with some of the difficult problems associatedwith this obligation.
Honoring Parents in the Old Testament
The term “honor” is one that has a kind of archaic ring to it, one that is
seldom used in everyday speech. It is therefore necessaryfor us to come to
terms with what is meant by “honor” as it is used in the Bible.22 We will first
look at honor in its broader usage, and then narrow its use down to the
honoring of parents as commanded in the Old Testament.
(1) Giving honor is personal. In the Bible, only persons are honored, not
things. We do not honor paintings or greatworks of art, or things of value, we
honor only people. We would also saythat honor is rendered by people to
people. More specifically, honor is bestowedby a person to a person. Honor
cannot be self-designated, but must come from another: “And no one takes
the honor to himself, but receives it when he is calledby God, even as Aaron
was” (Hebrews 5:4).
(2) Giving honor is preferential. When we honor someone, we distinguish
them above someone else. Honoring someone sets them above others. “… give
preference to one another in honor” (Romans 12:10). Honoring parents means
to think highly of them, in contrastto esteeming them lightly: “Therefore the
Lord God of Israel declares, ‘Idid indeed saythat your house and the house
of your father should walk before Me forever’; but now the Lord declares,
‘Far be it from Me—for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who
despise Me will be lightly esteemed’” (1 Samuel 2:30).23
(3) Honor is positional. When people are honored in the Bible, they are
honored largely because ofthe position they hold. Those whom we are
commanded to honor in the Bible are most often those who hold a certain
position of distinction. God is honored because He is the SovereignGodof the
Universe. Kings, rulers, elders, and masters are all to be given honor. Parents,
too, are to be honored for their position in the family. Thus honor has to do

120. with the position, power, and dignity that a personhas above and beyond
others.
(4) Giving honor is practical. Honoring another requires more than mere lip
service:“Thenthe Lord said, ‘Becausethis people draw near with their words
And honor Me with their lip service, But they remove their hearts far from
Me, And their reverence for Me consists oftradition learned by rote’” (Isaiah
29:13). That honor which God requires of man is an honor which translates
into very practicalterms, whether it be directed Godward or manward.
(5) Honor is public.24 The actof honoring parents begins with an attitude of
respectfor them. Thus we read in the Law, “Every one of you shall reverence
his mother and his father, and you shall keepMy Sabbaths;I am the Lord
your God” (Leviticus 19:3). The outflow of the attitude of reverence is the
actionof honoring, and action which is generally public. Thus, both husband
and children are exhorted to give the godly womanpraise in a public place:
Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her,
saying: “Manydaughters have done nobly, But you excelthem all.” Charm is
deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be
praised. Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in
the gates (Proverbs 31:28-31).
The evidences ofa “dishonorable” child were public, and thus the persistently
and willfully rebellious child was to be disciplined (executed)in a public
ceremony:
“If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or
his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then
his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his
city at the gatewayof his home town. And they shall say to the elders of his
city, ‘This sonof ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a
glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death;
so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear of it and
fear” (Deut. 21:18-21).25

121. The centralpassage onhonoring parents is that found in the Ten
Commandments:
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the
land which the Lord your God gives you (Exodus 20:12;also Deuteronomy
5:16).
Since this is really the first occurrence ofthe command to honor parents it
would be well to make severalobservations aboutthe commandment which is
given:
(1) The commandment is given to children, specifying their obligation toward
their parents. The terms “father” and “mother” are synonymous with
“parents,” thus we have spelledout here the obligation of children to honor
their parents.
(2) There are no indications here as to the age ofthe children who are to
honor their parents. We would tend to think that this commandment is given
to young children regarding their obligation to their parents, but this is not so.
Other passageswillapply this generalcommand to specific age groups, but
this command is deliberately broad in scope.
(3) There is no particular actionrequired here. Children are not told here to
do anything in particular to honor their parents. We should assume, and
rightly so, that different actions will be required at different times, of different
people. We must therefore look elsewhere in Scripture to determine how we
are to honor our parents at any given point in time.
The Old TestamentScriptures fill in many of the details as to what constitutes
honor and dishonor, with respectto parents. When parents are dishonored,
they are cursed (Exodus 21:17; Leviticus 20:9; Proverbs 20:20), or, according
to Proverbs, not blessed(30:11). This disregardfor parents canresult in
physically striking them (Exodus 21:15; Proverbs 19:26), and even of robbing
them (Proverbs 28:24). The child candishonor his parents by living a lifestyle
which is contradictoryto that of his parents and of society, including
disobedience, stubbornness, rebelliousness, drunkenness, andgluttony
(Deuteronomy 21:18-21).

122. (4) The Fifth Commandment is the first of the commandments which deal
with our obligations to men. The first four commandments have dealt with the
Israelite’s obligationto God. This commandment introduces those which
specify his duty with respectto men. This commandment pertains only to the
obligation betweenchild and parents. It is also a positive command, followed
by prohibitions.
(5) The Fifth Commandment is the first commandment which is accompanied
with a promise. The promise, as I understand it, is two-fold. First, it is a
promise of long life. Second, it is the promise of a long life, lived out in the
land of Canaan.26 As it stands, the Fifth Commandment is given specifically
to the Israelites, with a promise which pertains to them. The New Testament
will adapt and modify this commandment to apply to the Gentile Christians
and the church, leaving the commandment in nearly the same form as found
here in the Old Testament.
The promise of long life in the land of Canaanis given elsewhere,but it is the
reward for keeping all of God’s commandments, not just the Fifth
Commandment:
“See, I have setbefore you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity;
in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways
and to keepHis commandments and His statutes and His judgments, that you
may live and multiply, and that the Lord your God may bless you in the land
where you are entering to possessit” (Deuteronomy 30:15-16).
Why is obedience to the Fifth Commandment linked with the blessings
attachedto the keeping of all the commandments? In addition to the fact that
one must keepevery commandment to keepall commandments, the Fifth
Commandment plays a specialrole with respectto the rest of the
commandments. The laws of God are to be conveyedto subsequent
generations ofIsraelites primarily from the parents to their children. Thus,
the emphasis of Deuteronomy on the teaching the Law to children. If children
are going to listen to their parents and learn to love the Law, they must first
respectand honor their teachers—theirfathers and mothers. The honoring of

123. parents is thus a prerequisite to the teaching of the Law from one generation
to the next.
If children honor their parents they will heed their instruction. If they heed
their instruction, they will keepthe whole Law of God. If they keepthe Law of
God they will not do harm to their fellow-Israelites.Viewednegatively,
honoring parents causes the child to be inclined to avoid the evils of murder,
adultery, theft, false witness, and coveting. Viewedmore positively, honoring
parents has a high correlationwith honoring others and caring for them. This
is emphasized in two passages ofProverbs:
There is a kind of man who curses his father, and does not bless his mother.
There is a kind who is pure in his own eyes, yet is not washedfrom his
filthiness. There is a kind—oh how lofty are his eyes!And his eyelids are
raisedin arrogance.There is a kind of man whose teethare like swords, and
his jaw teeth like knives, to devour the afflicted from the earth, and the needy
from among men (Proverbs 30:11-14).
The words of King Lemuel, the oracle whichhis mother taught him. What, O
my son? And what, O son of my womb? And what, O sonof my vows? Do not
give your strength to women, Or your ways to that which destroys kings. It is
not for kings, O Lemuel, It is not for kings to drink wine, Or for rulers to
desire strong drink. Lest they drink and forgetwhat is decreed, And pervert
the rights of all the afflicted. … Open your mouth for the dumb, For the rights
of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, And defend the
rights of the afflicted and needy (Prov. 31:1-5, 8-9).
In Proverbs 30:11-14 honoring parents is viewed from the negative point of
view. The verses are all a part of one piece, one theme. The sectionbegins by
informing us about the dishonorable son, who curses his parents. It concludes
by describing his oppressionof others, particularly his preying upon those
who are weak and afflicted. The son who does not hesitate to curse father or
mother, will not hesitate to curse any man. The son who strikes or robs his
parents will not find it difficult to oppress others. The son who dishonors
parents will mistreat others. One’s treatment of his parents is directly related
to his treatment of his fellow man.

124. In Proverbs 31, the matter is viewed from a positive perspective. In this text,
king Lemuel’s mother is giving her son wise instruction. While this teaching is
specificallyrelated to the righteous reign of a godly king, it applies more
generallyas well. If the mother’s instruction is heeded, her son will avoid
strong drink and “strange women,” andhe will use his power to aid the
afflicted. The son who honors his parents, then, will come to the aid of the
weak, while the dishonorable son will oppress the afflicted. The Fifth
Commandment, then, is very much relatedto those which follow it.
There is also a relationship betweenhonoring parents and honoring God. Not
only does the Fifth Commandment relate to and facilitate the keeping of the
last commandments, it also is very much relatedto the keeping of those
commandments pertaining to the worship of God. This is especiallyapparent
in Malachi1:6: “A sonhonors his father, and a servant his master. Then if I
am a father, where is My honor? And if I am a master, where is My respect?
says the Lord of hosts to you, O priests who despise My name. But you say,
‘How have we despisedThy name?’”
Those who would honor God must also honor their parents. Those who honor
parents have already begun to honor God. Our earthly fathers are, on the one
hand, God’s representatives, instructing and discipling their children in His
place. On the other hand, parents serve to illustrate the way in which Godis
at work in the lives of His children, as a Father. This is seen, for example, in
Proverbs chapters 2 and 3, where the father’s care for his child is likened to
God’s fatherly care for His children.
Honoring parents was a vitally important obligation, signaledby its inclusion
in the Ten Commandments, by the death penalty attachedto its flagrant
violation, and by the detail which we are given about the evidences of
honoring parents or its neglect.27Honoring parents was fundamental for the
passing on of Israel’s faith from one generationto another. It was also
important because it enhancedand facilitatedthe honoring of God
(commandments 1-4) and others (commandments 6-10).
The Principle of
Honoring Parents in Our Lord’s teaching

125. Our Lord’s teaching on the honoring of parents is fairly extensive. This
passageprovides us with greatinsight into the command as God intended it,
and as the scribes and Pharisees soughtto circumvent it:
And the Pharisees and some of the scribes gatheredtogetheraround Him
when they had come from Jerusalem, and had seenthat some of His disciples
were eating their bread with impure hands, that is, unwashed. (Forthe
Pharisees andall the Jews do not eat unless they carefully washtheir hands,
thus observing the traditions of the elders; and when they come from the
market place, they do not eat unless they cleanse themselves;and there are
many other things which they have receivedin order to observe, such as the
washing of cups and pitchers and copperpots.) And the Phariseesand the
scribes askedHim, “Why do Your disciples not walk according to the
tradition of the elders, but eattheir bread with impure hands?” And He said
to them, “Rightly did Isaiahprophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written,
‘THIS PEOPLE HONORS ME WITH THEIR LIPS, BUT THEIR HEART
IS FAR AWAY FROM ME. BUT IN VAIN DO THEY WORSHIP ME,
TEACHING AS DOCTRINESTHE PRECEPTSOF MEN.’
“Neglecting the commandment of God, you hold to the tradition of men.” He
was also saying to them, “You nicely setaside the commandment of God in
order to keep your tradition. For Moses said, ‘HONOR YOUR FATHER
AND YOUR MOTHER’;and, ‘HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF28 FATHER OR
MOTHER, LET HIM BE PUT TO DEATH’; but you say, ‘If a man says to
his father or his mother, anything of mine you might have been helped by is
Corban (that is to say, given to God),’ you no longer permit him to do
anything for his father or his mother; thus invalidating the word of Godby
your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as
that” (Mark 7:1-13;cp. Matt. 15:1-9).
There are severalimportant features of this text which we must observe and
appreciate before we are able to see its contribution to the subject of honoring
parents:
In dealing with the scribes and Pharisees,our Lord links three Old Testament
texts, and from them exposes the hypocrisy of His opponents. The Fifth

126. Commandment of Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5 is joined with a parallel
passagefrom Exodus 21:17. These are then linked with a citation from Isaiah
29:13. There are four keyterms which are the binding force in these passages,
which enable the Lord to combine these texts into one response to His
questioners:“traditions,” “honor,” “father and mother,” and the terms
related to speech(“speaks,”“say,”“lips”).
Of significance to our study is the fact that the Fifth Commandment is applied
by our Lord to adult children, regarding their responsibilities to their elderly
parents. The principle characters inthis incident are the scribes and
Pharisees.If in your imagination you conceive of these men as having gray
hair and long beards, you are undoubtedly correct. These are notyoung men,
as a rule, but the elders of Jerusalem. Jesusapplied the Fifth Commandment
to these older men, and condemned them for interfering with those who would
care for their aging parents.
The fact that our Lord said, “you no longer permit him to do anything for his
father or his mother” (v. 12) is noteworthy. The tradition of pronouncing
someone’s goods to be “dedicatedto God” is one that was taught by the
scribes and Pharisees, one that was imposed on the people, thus prohibiting
the people from doing what they apparently wanted to do. It tied up their
funds, making them inaccessible for acts of charity at home. And who, do you
suppose, had control of this money? The text does not say, but my guess is that
it was the Pharisees. The name of this assetholding group might have been
something like the “Pharisee’sInvestment Corporation.” The point seems to
be that the Pharisees, once again, took advantage ofthe needy, the weak, and
the helpless, by keeping children from having control over funds which would
help their parents.
In this incident, our Lord taught that men dare not attempt to use “honoring
God” (Corban) as an excuse for not honoring their parents. It all sounded so
pious, so religious. The money which should have been available to help
parents was “devotedto God” with the spokenformula “Corban.” How could
anyone fault a child for placing God above parents?

127. This was a sham, a facade, as Jesus pointedout. This “tradition” of
pronouncing something to be “devotedto God” was merely a means of setting
aside the Fifth Commandment with pious appearances.True religion does not
hurt the helpless, it helps them (cf. James 1:27).
Jesus also taught that “honoring parents” was no excuse for failing to “honor
God.” There are those who will go to one extreme, while others go to the
opposite extreme. If there were those who used “honoring God” as an excuse
for failing to “honor parents” there were those who did just the reverse. Thus,
Jesus frequently taught that following Him required putting Him above all
others, including fathers and mothers:
And He said to another, “Follow Me.” Buthe said, “Permit me first to go and
bury my father.” But He said to him, “Allow the dead to bury their own dead;
but as for you, go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God.” And
another also said, “I will follow You, Lord; but first permit me to say good-
bye to those at home.” But Jesus saidto him, “No one, after putting his hand
to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:59-62).
“Every one therefore who shall confess Me before men, I will also confesshim
before My Father who is in heaven. Do not think that I came to bring peace on
the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man
againsthis father and a daughter againsther mother, and a daughter-in-law
againsther mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his
household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me;
and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he
who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who
has found his life shall lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake shall
find it. He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives
Him who sent Me” (Matthew 10:32-40).
Peterbegan to sayto Him, “Behold, we have left everything and followed
You.” Jesus said, “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or
brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and
for the gospel’s sake, but that he shall receive a hundred times as much now in
the presentage, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children

128. and farms, along with persecutions;and in the world to come, eternallife. But
many who are first, will be last; and the last, first” (Mark 10:28-31).
“If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and
wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he
cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26).
No earthly relationship can have higher priority than that of one’s
relationship with God. Putting God first means putting Him aheadof family.
The Practice ofOur
Lord of Honoring His Parents
Our Lord’s practice with respectto honoring parents serves as a commentary
on His teaching.
And when He became twelve, they went up there [to Jerusalem]according to
the customof the Feast;and as they were returning, after spending the full
number of days, the boy Jesus stayedbehind in Jerusalem. And His parents
were unaware of it, but supposedHim to be in the caravan, and went a day’s
journey; and they beganlooking for Him among their relatives and
acquaintances. And when they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem,
looking for Him. And it came about that after three days they found Him in
the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them, and
asking them questions. And all who heard Him were amazed at His
understanding and His answers. And when they saw Him, they were
astonished;and His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You treated us this
way? Behold, Your father and I have been anxiously looking for You.” And
He said to them, “Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know
that I had to be in My Father’s house?” And they did not understand this
statementwhich He had made to them. And He went down with them, and
came to Nazareth; and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother
treasuredall these things in her heart (Luke 2:42-51).
I must say that as a parent my first inclination is to identify with the
frustration and distress of Mary and Joseph, a frustration which is evident in
the text. At first glance, it does look as if it were Jesus who was wrong. Had

129. Jesus not failed to stay with His family and relatives? Instead, He was
preoccupiedwith the Temple and with the religious leaders. At least, one
might contend, Jesus couldhave had the courtesyto tell His parents what He
was doing. Jesus appearedto be wrong. How could He have been separated
from His family for at leastthree days, and perhaps more, without doing
something about it?
We cannotcome to this conclusionfor at leasttwo reasons.First, Jesus was
God and He never sinned. Thus He could not have sinned here. Second, the
Lord’s answerto his mother’s rebuke is, itself, a gentle rebuke directed at
them. Mary and Josephwere wrong, here, not Jesus. Letus seek to see why
this was so. Jesus’reply to his parents was, “Whyis it that you were looking
for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house?” If Mary
and Josephhad assumedJesus was with their relatives when they departed,
then it was they who were mistaken. Once they had left, what was there for
Him to do but remain, and where better than in the Temple? Jesus’words
here were not directed towardthe issue of why He had been left, without
notice, but as to why it took His parents so long to finally look for Him in the
Temple. Why had they lookedfor Him elsewhere?Did they not know that He
would naturally have been drawn to the Temple, His Father’s house? In the
absence ofHis earthly parents, He went to His Father’s house. Where else
would they have expected to find Him who was the Son of God than in God’s
house?
The final words of this accountare especiallyinteresting:“… and He
continued in subjectionto them …” Matthew, by using the word “continued,”
indicates that here, as before, and later, that Jesus was in subjectionto Mary
and Joseph, His earthly parents. It was their error, not His. He was in
subjection to them, but even more so He was intent upon being in His Father’s
house.
Still Mary and Josephdid not understand. Nevertheless, Jesus hadclearly
distinguished betweenHis relationship with His heavenly Father and His
earthly parents. This was but a taste of what was yet to come, when Jesus
beganHis earthly ministry.

130. Years later, apparently after the death of Joseph, anotherincident took place,
which John’s gospelreports, which bears on the honoring of Jesus’parents.
“And when the wine gave out, the mother of Jesus saidto Him, ‘They have no
wine.’ And Jesus saidto her, ‘Woman, what do I have to do with you? My
hour has not yet come.’His mother said to the servants, ‘WhateverHe says to
you, do it’” (John 2:3-5). The factthat Jesus deliberatelyaddressedHis
mother as “woman,” and used the expression, “whatdo I have to do with
you,” indicates that our Lord’s granting her request was basedupon His
compassionfor her as a woman, and not on His obedience to her as His
mother. Now that His public ministry had commenced, His mother has no
claim on His supernatural power. Roman Catholicismmust look much more
carefully at this text in the light of their exalted, exaggeratedview of Mary as
“the mother of God,” as somehow making her the mediator betweenman and
God.
It is also in John’s gospelthat we find one of the last acts of our Lord upon the
cross was done in fulfillment of our Lord’s obligation to honor his mother.
When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved
standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then
He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the
disciple took her into his own household. After this, Jesus, knowing thatall
things had already been accomplished, in order that the Scripture might be
fulfilled, said, “I am thirsty” (John 19:26-28).
Mary, the mother of our Lord, is once againreferred to as “woman,” rather
than as mother. Jesus is about to finish His earthly work, and thus Mary will
ceaseto function as our Lord’s mother. Because Josephhas apparently died
and Jesus was the oldest son, a greaterobligation for the care of His mother
would fall on Him. Thus, in one of His lastearthly acts, Jesus appointedJohn
to carry out His earthly obligations. In this final act, Jesus honoredHis
mother.
The Apostles and Honoring Parents
The apostles also spoketo the responsibility of children towardtheir parents.
Particularly, Paul did. In the first place, Paul understood that due to the

131. depravity of man, children would not necessarilybe inclined to obey or honor
their parents: “Formen will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful,
arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy … ” (2 Timothy
3:2; cf. also Romans 1:30). Paul’s teaching is also confirmed by Peterand
Jude, who speak ofthose apostates who will disregard authority, thus refusing
to give honor to those to whom it is due.
And especiallythose who indulge the flesh in its corrupt desires and despise
authority. Daring, self-willed, they do not tremble when they revile angelic
majesties (2 Peter2:10).
Yet in the same manner these men, also by dreaming, defile the flesh, and
rejectauthority, and revile angelic majesties (Jude 8).
It is not without goodtheologicalandpractical reasonthat Paul gave this
instruction to children:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father
and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), That it may be
well with you, and that you may live long on the earth (Ephesians 6:1-3).
In this passage, it is noteworthy that Paul does specificallyapply the Fifth
Commandment to younger children. While the commandment itself is
general, the application of it will be specific. Foryoung children who are
believers, one primary wayin which they will honor their parents is to obey
them. This obedience, as all earthly submission, is only within those
parameters of what is pleasing to God, and thus the qualification, “in the
Lord.”
Paul does not hesitate to base his instruction on one of the Ten
Commandments, and thus, on the Old TestamentLaw. He does, however,
modify the Old Testamenttext, so as to make the promise attachedto this
command relevant to a Gentile Christian audience. The statementof Exodus
20:12, “that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God
gives you,” has been changedto, “that it may be well with you, and that you
may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:3). Thus, long life and divine blessing
is promised, but not life in Canaan, as was promised to the Israelites.

132. Not only does Paul apply the principle of honoring parents to young children,
he also instructs adult believers to assume responsibility for caring for their
needy family, including (in the context) parents: “Honor widows who are
widows indeed … But if any one does not provide for his own, and especially
for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an
unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:3, 8). Here, as in the Old Testamentand in the
teaching of our Lord, failure to honor parents by caring for their needs is
spokenof as a most serious offense. In the Old Testamentit was a capital
offense. In the New, it is a denial of the faith, making one worse than an
unbeliever. Thus, Christianity does not abolish Old Testamentobligations to
honor parents, it ratifies and further clarifies them.
Beyond this, the same honor which is to be shown to parents, is to be shown to
others who are older as well: “Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather
appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers” (1 Timothy 5:1).
This instruction is significant because it suggests thatthe same honor (or at
leastrespect)shownto one’s father should be shown to the older man. Beyond
this, since Timothy is instructed to correctan older man like a father, Paul
suggeststhat a father, too, is not beyond rebuke, but that any rebuke must
deal with him in a respectfulway.
Conclusion
As we conclude, let me suggestseveralgoverning principles which I believe
are biblical and relevant to the honoring of parents. These principles will give
guidance in the agonizing choices whichwe children will have to make
regarding the form which our honor of parents is to take.
(1) If children must give honor to their parents, then parenting must be an
honorable occupation. One should hardly have to make such a statement, but
in today’s world it is necessary to do so. The fact that women line up at
abortion clinics around the country and in various parts of the world suggests
that bearing and raising children is viewed as something far less than a
blessing. This rejects the clearteaching of the Bible, such as is found in Psalm
127. Those who would leave the home and seek fulfillment in the working
world in order to gain dignity and respecthave also turned from the truth of

133. God’s Word. Let those who would seek to avoid parenting be reminded that
in God’s Word parenting is a most honorable occupation.
(2) Honoring parents takes different forms for different people, and in
different circumstances. Since the Fifth Commandment is very general, we
should expectthat the application of this command is not the same for
everybody. The Old and New Testaments provide us with many positive and
negative applications of the command to honor our parents. The young child
will honor his parents as he obeys them (e.g. Proverbs, Ephesians 6:1-3).29
The older child will honor his parents as he (or she) is obedient to God. The
child whose parents are dependent upon him will honor his parents by
providing for them (Matthew 15:1-9;Mark 7:1-13;1 Timothy 5:3, 8).
It is very important to realize that honoring parents takes many different
forms at different times. This means that one cannothonor parents by some
kind of “tokenact.” It means that the way one person honor his parents may
differ from the way another persondoes. It should cautionus about those who
have a very simplistic formula for honoring our parents. It means that we
must carefully and prayerfully come to our own convictions and conclusions
as to our personalresponsibilities to our parents, basedupon the principles of
God’s word. The next three principles underscore three of the more dramatic
changes in the relationship betweenchildren and their parents, which affect
the wayin which honor to parents may be manifested.
(3) The way in which one relates to parents changes with conversion. When a
person comes to Christ as his personalSavior, there are a number of
significant changes (cf. 2 Corinthians 5:17). When a person becomes a child of
God by faith, God becomes a Father to them in a new and previously
unknown way. From this point on the Christian relates to God as His child (cf.
John 1:12; Matthew 6:9). While God was once denied, and His authority
rejected(Ephesians 2:1-3), now He is our Heavenly Father, with final
authority, authority which has priority over all others, including fathers and
mothers. As we have seenfrom our Lord’s teaching, faith in Christ may
alienate children from their parents.

134. (4) The way in which one relates to parents changes with marriage. Marriage
is usually the first of severaldramatic changes in the child’s relationship with
his parents. In the Book ofGenesis, Godrevealedthat marriage was to bring
about a change in the way a child relates to his parents: “Forthis cause a man
shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they
shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Severalimportant changes are signaledhere, as I understand this passage.
First, the son leaves the authority structure of his parents home to establisha
new home, under his authority. This passagedraws the sonout from under his
parents’ authority, as he had once been. It is my personalopinion that the
teaching which modifies the “chain of authority” betweenparent and child to
a so-called“chainof counsel” is not a sufficiently adequate separationfrom
parental authority after marriage. Second, the son is to leave home so that his
devotion and affectionwill be primarily focusedupon his wife. Certainly the
son’s affectiontoward his parents is not terminated, but leaving his home
lessons the competition betweena man’s father and mother and his wife for
his devotion and attention. Finally, the instruction in this text suggeststo us
that the parent-child relationship is temporary, the husband-wife relationship
is permanent.
(5) The way in which we honor our parents changes whenwe become a
disciple of Christ. Some Christians seemto think that until or unless a child
marries, the strong authoritative role of the parent remains in the older single
life of the child. I think this fails to take seriouslyenough the teaching of our
Lord on the change which occurs with a decisionto follow Christ as His
disciple. In the passagesalreadycited(Matthew 10:32-40;Mark 10:28-31;
Luke 14:26), the Lord clearly demanded that disciples choose to follow Him
above all others, especiallyincluding family. Our Lord will not rival fathers or
mothers for the affectionand obedience of His disciples. One further passage
underscores the change which discipleship has on family relationships: “And
do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in
heaven” (Matthew 23:9). Thus, children must not only leave father and
mother when they marry, they must also do so (while not necessarilyliterally)
when they decide to be a disciple of Christ.

135. (6) Honoring God as our Fatheris not an excuse to dishonor our parents.
Some, like the scribes and Pharisees(Matthew 15:1-9;Mark 7:1-13), had used
religious “conviction” and practice as an excuse to avoid their obligationto
honor their parents. For those who would wish to do so, the passagesabout
putting God above fathers and mothers canbe perverted and distorted to
excuse irresponsibility, but let it be remembered that our Lord stripped away
the veil of spirituality, showing this to be a most abominable sin.
(7) We honor our parents most when we obey and honor God in our lives. The
highest goalof parents is to raise the child God has entrusted to them in such
a way as to encourage and promote trust in God and obedience to His Word.
Whenever a child trusts in God and obeys His Word, He honors his parents.
Even an unbelieving parent is honored by a believing and obedient child.
(8) We honor God when we honor our parents. Notonly do we honor our
parents when we honor God, but we also honor God when we truly honor our
parents. There are two primary reasons why this is true. First, we honor God
because we are obeying His command to honor our parents. Honoring our
parents, when it is actof obedience to God’s Word, is to honor God. Thus we
see that the norm is that honoring parents accomplishes two things at the
same time: honoring our parents and honoring God.
But what if a person has parents who are hardly worthy of honor? We know
of many children whose parents seemto have done their best to ruin their
lives. Children who have been physically, emotionally, or sexually abused will
have to deal with the effects ofthis for their entire life? How can such children
honor their parents?
The answerto this question is found in the secondwayin which honoring
parents honors God. When we honor our parents, we acknowledge thatthey
have been ordained of Godto be our parents and to receive our honor.
Honoring parents who are not worthy of honor canonly be done as one
recognizes thatGod has appointed them to be parents, and thus they are
honored for their God-givenposition of parent, not for their performance as a
parent.

136. Let me illustrate this principle with another person who is to be honored by
us—a king. We are told in the Scriptures that we are to honor kings (Romans
13:1-7; 1 Peter2:17). In the contextof these commands to honor the king, he
is to be honored by virtue of his position as king, not for his performance as
king. In Romans chapter 13, Paul makes it clear that kings are to be honored
and obeyedbecause they have been appointed by God. The factthat they hold
their office is evidence of God’s appointment (Romans 13:1-2). Thus,
honoring a cruel, ruthless, king is done, not because that person is worthy of
honor, but because thatperson holds his position (a position of honor) by the
sovereignwill of God.
When a child honors an unworthy, unkind, parent and does so because he or
she recognizes thatGod has appointed them to hold this position of authority
and honor, they are submitting themselves to the sovereignhand of God. And
because they know that God causes allthings ultimately to work for goodin
the believer’s life, they realize that while the parent may do something for an
evil purpose, God has allowedit to happen for a good purpose (cf. Genesis
50:20). Honoring an unworthy parent thus opens the door for one to see the
goodhand of God in giving a poor parent. It is often the weaknesses ofthe
parent, in such a case, that brings about corresponding strengths in the child.
(9) Honoring parents does not always mean that the child does what his
parents want. Fatherand Mother are not to be honored because theyare
perfect, but because they are parents. They, like their children, are plagued
with the fallenness ofmankind. They, like their children, sin. They will
therefore make many mistakes in the parenting process. Theywill command
that their children do the wrong things, at times. At times they will also forbid
their children to do what is right.
A young child must assume his parents are right, because they have more
experience and wisdom. If all else fails, they are bigger! As a child begins to
mature, he may begin to question some decisions. This must be done very
carefully. I canenvision a child’s disobedience only when the Bible has spoken
very directly to the matter at hand. For example, I would expect a child to
refuse to cooperatein any form of sexual abuse by parents or other adults. At
some point in time, a child will even find that the parent is sinning, and will

137. find it necessaryto rebuke them. In this case, Paul’s instruction to correctan
older man as a father (1 Timothy 5:1) instructs us that parents (and older
people) need to be rebuked with gentleness and respect.
Those whose parents have agedto the point of becoming confused,
disoriented, or even “rebellious” find themselves in the awkwardposition of
having to discipline their parents, much like their parents once disciplined
them. The wayone honors his parents surely does change.
(10) Honoring parents may somedayrequire parenting parents. It is an irony
indeed, but those who were once parented by fathers and mothers often find
themselves parenting their parents in their final years of life. The parent that
once fed and diapered the child may in the last days of their life be fed and
diapered by their children. The new baby that did not recognize its parents
may somedaylook upon his elderly mother or father and not even receive in
return a look of recognition. The child who was once parented now becomes
his parent’s parent, making decisions forthem, sometimes having to make
choices againsttheir will, even deciding how long to allow artificial, life
preserving devices to maintain some semblance of life. There is no thought less
pleasantthan this, but for many it has been, is, or will be a reality.
Some parents will become cross and unreasonable. Theymay make demands
of us and of our family which are impossible to fulfill. They may, if allowedto
do so, destroy our home life. They sometimes become incoherent or
unmanageable. Physically, aging parents may not be able to care for
themselves or to live alone. The decisions whichwe must make at such times
are the most painful ones of our life.
When the time for decisions comes, it must be determined whether any clear
Scriptural commands are involved, and, if so, how these must be
implemented. The impact of various choices onthe family as a whole must be
takeninto account. And, naturally, the best interestof the parent(s) must be
carefully thought through. I believe at leastthree factors are involved in the
determination of what course of actionwill be best for the parent.
First, we have an obligationto preserve life. This does not necessarilymean
that we must artificially prolong the death process, but it does mean that the

138. necessitiesoflife are provided. Food(nutrition—it may come from an I.V.),
oxygen, and life sustaining fluids must be provided. All too frequently, these
necessitiesare being withheld, with the inevitable result—death. Withholding
the necessities oflife constitutes murder, in my understanding of Scripture.
Second, we must seek to provide as much physical and emotional comfort as
necessary. The setting should be one that is as familiar and as pleasantas
possible. This may, or may not, mean keeping the parent in our own home, or
placing them in a facility where professionalcare is available.
Third, I believe that honoring parents requires that we maintain as much
dignity for our parents as possible. The terms “honor” and “dignity” have a
fair bit of overlap, and it would seemto me that we honor our parents by
seeking to preserve as much dignity for them as possible. For example, I am
aware of certainsituations in which patients are not able to feed themselves
and are “force fed” (by literally pushing the food down the throat). In such
situations, I would opt, if at all possible, to have “I.V.” feeding as an
alternative. The indignity of force feeding is great, and should be avoided, if
possible. These three issues, life, comfort, and dignity, may lead some to care
for an elderly parent at home, and others to provide care in a well-run
institution.
(11) Honor cannot be earned, nor can it be demanded. Since honor is due on
the basis of position, and not performance, we should realize that honor is not
something which another person candemand of us. A king candemand that
we obey him, but not that we honor him, at leastin the fullest sense ofthe
term. So, too, a parent cannotreally demand honor of their child. In one’s
older years there will be a temptation for the parent to prescribe for the child
exactly what form their honor will take, but I believe that this is contrary to
the nature of honor itself. Honor demanded is not honor at all.
(12) Since we must honor all men, this means that parents must honor their
children. Much has been said and written about developing self-esteemin
children. I think I would differ with some of this teaching, basedupon the fact
that much self-esteemis simply renamed pride, and the Book ofProverbs has
more to say about the need for humility in a child than self-confidence (and

139. certainly than self-love). We must, however, deal with our children in a way
that not only manifests our own dignity (cf. 1 Timothy 3:4), but also reflects
the dignity of the child as a creationof God, one for whom Christ died. Thus,
we must honor our children, as we must honor all others.
(13) If we must honor all men, then we must prioritize those whom we must
honor above others. We have alreadyseenthat we must honor God, kings,
elders, parents, and so on. When we must honor all men, and cannotdo so to
all men equally, or at the same time, then choices must be made. Forexample,
as husbands we must honor our wives, and we must honor our parents. I
believe that if one or the other must have priority, it is the wife who should be
honored above the parent. Making these priority decisions aheadof a time of
crisis is best, for surely these priorities will be put to the test.
(14) Honoring parents is so important, and potentially so costly, it is
something which we must plan to do in advance. Honoring parents will
require much more than an occasional Hallmark card. If honoring parents
involves caring for them in their old age, this is a costlymatter, and one for
which we must prepare ourselves in advance. A friend of mine suggestedthat
this is something which we may need to provide for in our wills. Suppose, for
example, that we were to die before our parents. This was the case with our
Lord and His mother, and we have already seenhow He made provision for
her care. In addition to having our children in our wills, we may need to
prepare for the possibility of us dying before our parents. This may mean that
extra insurance is to be purchased to meet our parents’ needs in our absence.
In some cases, itmay be necessaryforChristians, or perhaps the broader
Christian community, to provide facilities for the elderly, which not only meet
their specialphysical needs, but which also provide them with an environment
of beauty and a sense ofdignity. We must avoid like the plague, pushing our
parents off into a dingy, dismal dwelling where they simply wait to die.
This only scratches the surface, but I hope that it broadens our vision beyond
that which Medicare, Medicaid, and SocialSecurity will afford our parents in
their older years. A commandment as forcefully put forward in both Old and
New Testaments must not be lightly considered.

140. 19 The following Scriptures are important to our understanding of honoring
parents. I highly recommend that you study these passagescarefully: Central
Passages forHonoring Parents:Exodus 20:12 (Deut. 5:16); 21:15, 17;
Matthew 15:1-9; Mark 7:1-13; Leviticus 19:3; Ephesians 6:1-3; Proverbs
30:11-14;31:1-9; 1 Timothy 5:1, 3, 8; Isaiah 29:13;Malachi1:6. Related
Passages onHonoring Parents:Genesis 2:24;Matthew 10:32-40;Leviticus
19:32;20:9; 21:9; Mark 10:28-31;Numbers 22:17, 37;Luke 14:26;
Deuteronomy 4:10-12;6:4-7; 33:8-10;John 5:22-23;8:48-50;12:26; Joshua
2:12-13;Romans 1:30; 2:7, 10; 12:10;13:7; Judges 13:17;1 Corinthians
12:23-24;1 Samuel 2:30; 1 Thessalonians4:4; Proverbs 1:8; 3:9; 4:1-5; 19:26;
20:20;1 Thessalonians 4:4;28:7, 24;1 Timothy 1:17; 5:3, 17;6:1; Ezekiel
20:30;2 Timothy 3:2; Hebrews 5:4; 1 Peter 2:17; 3:7; 2 Peter 1:17; Jude 8;
Revelation4:9-11;5:12-13;7:12; 21:24-26.
20 In my study of “honor” in the Bible, I discoveredthe following people
(which generallyinvolve a position) are given honor: God, the Father—1
Timothy 1:17; Proverbs 3:9; Revelation4:9-11; 5:12-13;7:12; 19:1; 21:24, 26;
God, the Son—John5:22-23;Hebrews 2:7, 9; 2 Peter1:17. Those in positions
of authority over us: Kings—1 Peter 2:17; Higher authorities—Romans 13:7;
Elders—1 Timothy 5:17; Masters (by slaves)—1 Timothy 6:1; Those not in a
superior status to us—Husbands to honor wives—1 Peter3:7; 1 Thessalonians
4:4; All men—1 Peter2:17; One another—Romans 12:10;God will honor
us—John12:26; Romans 2:7, 10.
21 Since honor was required only with respectto those who had a higher
status or position in the Old Testament, we may wonder why the change in the
New Testament, requiring the Christian to honor all men. The reason why
Christians are commanded to honor others who may even have an inferior
status in life is due to the fact that the Christian is required to place others
above himself:
Be of the same mind towardone another; do not be haughty in mind, but
associate withthe lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation (Romans
12:16).

141. Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses ofthose without
strength and not just please ourselves. Leteachof us please his neighbor for
his good, to his edification. For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is
written, “Forthe reproaches ofthose who reproachedThee fell upon Me”
(Romans 15:1-3).
Do nothing from selfishness orempty conceit, but with humility of mind let
eachof you regard one another as more important than himself; do not
merely look out for your own personalinterests, but also for the interests of
others (Philippians 2:3-4).
Thus, the Christian, unlike the worldling, honors all men, even when their
earthly status is lowerthan our own, because the mind of Christ elevates
others above self. For the Christian, then, all others have a status higher than
our own interest. On this basis, they deserve to be honored.
22 The following is a summary of what is done to honor another in the Bible:
By giving money or material things: Balaam—Numbers 22:17, 37;24:11;
Widows—1 Timothy 5:3; Elders—1 Timothy 5:17; Offerings to the Lord—
Proverbs 3:9; Sacrifices (sharedwith the angel)—Judges13:17;By our Lord
giving glory to God—John8:48-50;By beautifying and giving greater
prominence—1 Corinthians 12:23-24;By giving respect, and obedience—
Romans 13:7; Ephesians 6:1-3; 1 Peter2:13-27;By giving God worship,
Revelation4:9-11;5:12-13;7:12; 19:1; 21:24, 26.
23 Commenting on Deuteronomy 21:17, Jordanwrites, “There are two words
for ‘curse’in Hebrew. One has as its basic meaning ‘to separate from or
banish,’ and is used for the curse in Genesis 3:14. The second, which is used in
Exodus 21:17, basicallymeans ‘to make light of, or repudiate.’ As Umberto
Cassuto has pointed out, this verb ‘to make light of’ is the opposite of the verb
which means ‘to make heavy, honor, or glorify.’ For the Hebrew, to glorify or
honor someone was to treat them as weighty, just as American slang in the
1970s and1980s uses the word ‘heavy’ to refer to important or impressive
matters.” James B. Jordan, The Law of the Covenant (Tyler, Texas:Institute
for Christian Economics, 1984), p. 105.

142. 24 This public dimension of honor helps to explain a greatdeal. First, it
explains why the worship (honoring) of God requires a public expressionof
praise and adoration. It also explains why a husband is commanded to honor
his wife, but the wife is nowhere commanded to honor her husband (cf. 1
Peter3:7). The woman is to reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:33; 1 Peter
3:2, 5), because this is a matter of her (private) attitude. She cannothonor him
publicly because her role is restricted with regardto public speaking,
especiallyin the church (cf. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35;1 Timothy 2:12). The
husband, on the other hand, is to publicly honor his wife. He is able to honor
his wife because of his more public role. He needs to honor his wife because of
her more private role.
25 Jordan comments on Deuteronomy 21:18-21:“The fifth commandment
orders sons and daughters to honor their parents, and the verb used is the
verb ‘to make heavy, to glorify.’ Thus, to make light of, to despise, is the
opposite. An example of this is clearly setout in Deuteronomy 21:18-21. …”
Notice that it is an older child who is in view, not a little boy; he is old enough
to be a drunkard. Second, notice the sin is a settleddisposition to rebel, not a
one time actof disobedience. Third, notice that the young man has given
public witness to his rebellious heart; the parents can remind the judges that
they all know he is a drunkard and a glutton. Note, fourth, that the parents do
not have the power to deal with this rebel on their own; they have to bring
evidence and testimony to the judges. This shows us how the Law was carried
out, and what is involved in making light of one’s parents, ridiculing them,
and repudiating them.
In 1 Timothy 5:3, 17, to ‘honor’ someone means to give them money, to care
for them financially. In line with this understanding, Jesus applies the death
penalty for dishonoring parents directly to those who refuse to care for them
in their old age. The Law of the Covenant, pp. 105-106.
26 Similar promises are found in Deut. 4:26, 40;5:16, 33; 6:2; 11:8, 9; 17:20;
22:7; 30:18; 32:47;Job 6:11; Prov. 28:16;Ecc. 8:12-13;Isa. 53:10.
27 Jordan remarks, “Notice thatJesus sets Exodus 21:17 right next to the fifth
commandment in binding force. Notice also that ‘cursing’ father and mother

143. is definitely said to include verbally reviling them. Principally, however, this
passageshows us that in the practicallegalsense, refusing to care for parents
in their old age is a capitaloffense.” Ibid, p. 107.
28 It is interesting that our Lord modified (or perhaps we should better say
clarified) Exodus 21:17, rendering the term “cursing” “speak evilof.” Thus,
cursing is more than speaking profanities at or about parents. Furthermore, I
am inclined to believe that our Lord used the “of” in “speak evilof” in
broader terms than we would expect. Our Lord was applying these two texts
to the evil practiced by the scribes and Pharisees. To be more exact, the evil
spokenby them. The saying of the word “Corban” in a traditional formula
forced(or allowed)the child of elderly parents to disregardand disobey God’s
command to honor them by providing for them. The evil thus spokenwas not
something evil said of (or about) the parents, but something evil spokenwith
respectto the parents. The evil spokenwas the statement, “Anything of mine
you might have bveen helped by is Corban” (Mark 7:11). Our Lord has thus
broadened considerablythe application of the Fifth Commandment.
29 As I have thought about it, I am not at all certain that a young child is
really capable of honoring his parents. He is capable of obeying them, but not
really of grasping the conceptof honor. This is preciselywhy parents are
needed—to care for the child until he is mature enough to live independently
from them. As a child grows up, the more he should begin to graspwhat
honoring parents is all about, and the more he should honor his parents.
The Fifth Commandment: Honor ParentalAuthority
Series:Exodus
Sermon by J. Ligon Duncan on Apr 14, 2002
Exodus 20:12

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Exodus 20:12
#5 — Honor ParentalAuthority
If you have your Bibles I'd invite you to turn with me to Exodus 20, as we
continue to make our way through these ten words. These ten commands,
spokenby God Himself directly to His people at Sinai, recorded by Moses in
his five books of the law are given to us for our instruction, Paul said, "Upon
whom the ends of the ages have come for our profit, for our reproof, for our
correction, for our training in righteousness." God's wordis not simply
relevant, God's word is absolutely necessaryfor growth in grace. And this
word too, the first four commandments, which we have alreadystudied, have
a Godwardtendency. They focus on our duty to God, our love to God. They
tell us who we are to worship, how we are to worship, how we are to revere
His name, and when we are to worship. So, they are focusedon the duties of
piety.
The secondtable of the law, the secondsetof commandments, have a focus on
our relations to our fellowmen. We are, of course, to bear in mind even in

145. those duties that our relations to our fellowmen are an expressionof our love
to God. We will see evidence from within the commandments themselves to
see the kind of continuity that exists betweenreally loving God and loving
your neighbor. John will say, for instance, "that you cannot love God and hate
your brother." There is a connection, an inseparable connection, in our duties
to man and our love to God. Right relationwith man flows out of right
relation to God, and that will be apparent even in the study that we attempt
today. But we do come now, today, in the fifth commandment, to what is
calledthe secondtable - those duties especiallywith reference to our
fellowman. So let's hear God's word in Exodus 20:12:
"Honor your father and your mother, that you days may be prolonged in the
land which the Lord your God gives you."
Amen. And thus ends this reading of God's holy and inspired word. May He
write its eternal truth upon our hearts. Let's pray.
Our Lord and our God we pray that by Your word You would teachus
wonderful things from Your law, You would enable us by the grace ofthe
Holy Spirit to walk in them, and that You would help us to see that to do this
is not only pleasing to You, but is the proper response of reverence to the
Lord Jesus Christ for those who call themselves His disciples. These things we
ask in Jesus name. Amen.
We live in a culture that doesn't like authority. You've seenthe ubiquitous
bumper sticker"QuestionAuthority." That may be an issue that you wrestle
with. We also do not live in a culture that has a high regard for old age. We
are greatlyinterested in eternal youth in our culture. We work very hard to
be eternally youthful, and we do not look with great relish to the days when
our heads are crownedwith hoary hairs. Age is not something that we have a
particular venerationfor in this culture. There are other cultures where
seniority and eldership mean something. These things mean less in our day
and age. We may be in a subculture that has a greaterregard for the
authority of parents than some parts of our broader culture here in the
westernworld in the United States, but even we are under the assaultof our
generalculture. Parentalauthority is disregarded. We have seenincreasingly,

146. just in our lifetime, the reality of young people suing their parents over issues
like discipline and authority in the home. And so there are crises that are
impinging on us with regard to this commandment.
You may think, "Well, why do we even need to study this command? This
command comes to me as instinctive. It's secondnature. Of course, I honor
my father and my mother." And why would this particularly impact us? We
seemto have weatheredthe storm of our culture on this. And yet in our own
day and time there is an unprecedented assaultupon the family and upon
authority in our culture, and we need this commandment.
I'd like you to see today, first the commandment that is given here in Exodus
12 and the first few words of verse 12, and then I'd like you to see the promise
that is attachedto it. As we look at the command I'd like you see the positive
and the negative side of the command. I want to illustrate that command to
you from the New Testamentso that you will see how Jesus and His apostles
applied this to the Christian life, and then I want to talk about some specific
circumstances in which we may want to give especialattentionto the
application of this command in our own time.
I. Honor parents.
The command begins, "Honoryour father and your mother." It is a
command to respect, to revere, to obey, and when necessaryto care for our
parents. Now you say, "Boy, you sure got a whole lot out of 'Honor your
father and your mother.'" I'll have to demonstrate to you that I'm not reading
this into this command but drawing it out of the command by appealing to the
words of Paul and of Jesus to show you how they explicitly applied this
command in their teachings in Ephesians 6 and in Matthew 15. You can keep
your fingers there. We are going to turn to them in a few moments. But this
command does indeed call us to respect, to revere, to obey, and when
necessaryto care for our parents. It is a command that calls Christians to
respecttheir parents because ofour respectfor God. We respectour parents,
Moses says.We respectour parents, Godsays in Exodus 23:12, because ofour
fear of God. And Godshows us the importance of this commandment in
severaldifferent ways.

147. First of all, notice that He puts it first in the list of our horizontal
responsibilities. Our verticalresponsibilities are addressedin commands one
through four to Him, but when He begins to express our horizontal
responsibilities, our responsibilities in our human relations with one another,
the very first thing He says is, "Honor your father and your mother."
Secondly, it is interesting. If we were to go aheadand read the laws all the way
up through Exodus 24, you would find that God attaches the same penalty to
disobedience of parents that he attaches to blasphemy and idolatry and the
worship of false gods. In both cases,blasphemy and idolatry, worship of false
gods, and in the case ofdisobedience to parents, in the laws of Moses the death
penalty is given. Amazing. God is highlighting the importance of this
command.
Thirdly, notice that this command flows out of and is closelyconnectedto
what is said in the first four commands. The first four commands basically
said, "WorshipGod only. Revere Godonly." And then the fifth
commandment, what is the first word out of God's mouth to us about our
parents? "Revere your parents." Isn't it fascinating that He could spend four
commands, and especiallythe first two commands, claiming to Himself the
exclusive right to our reverence, to our worship, and to our adoration. And
then in the very first word out of His mouth to us in how we relate to one
another, He can say, "Revere your father and mother."
In fact the only two things, the only two beings, the only two entities that
Moses records forus - to revere, to honor, in the Pentateuch, in the first five
books, in his books ofthe law - are God and our parents. In this way God
points to the centrality of the family. Don't think that the assaultofthe family
in our culture means nothing to you. Don't think that we can hold out in our
culture, 25 years behind the bad curves and trends that are going on, and be
untouched by the assaulton the family in our culture. It is at the heart of
God's design. He even defines it for us here in Exodus and elsewhere. And it is
central to His plan, and when the authority and structure of the family and
the form of the family break down everyone suffers. And so we ought to be, as
Christians and as citizens, highly concernedabout what is happening not only

148. societallybut governmentally and with regardto the judiciary and the issue of
the family in our culture.
We have seen, in our lifetime, a 20-yearturnaround on the view of the family
that is absolutely unprecedented in the history of the world. And it is totally
appropriate that in one of His 10 bedrock commands God would address the
centrality of the family. But look at the two sides of this command. On the one
hand, He calls us to revere, to honor, to respect, to obey our parents. On the
one hand this command is calling us to a proper respectof parental authority.
Turn with me to Ephesians 6, and while you're doing that I'll quote the
parallel passagein Colossians, "Children, be obedient to your parents in all
things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord." And in the parallel passage in the
book of Ephesians 6, Paul says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for
this is right." Paul is calling for a positive response to the authority of parents
on the part of their children. Now this commandment, I'm going to point out,
not only refers to children who are still under the roof, children whose feetare
under the table, children who are still on the payroll, but it also applies - and
maybe even especially- to adult children. Older children who are now in the
position of actually caring for their parents. Jesus makes thatspecial
command. But we'll come to that later.
What Paul is calling on here is a right response to parental authority. I think
my sonmay have responded on this reverence thing a little too much. He's two
years old. He's rewritten the "Holy, Holy, Holy." It goes like this, "Holy,
Holy, Holy, Lord God and Mommy." Anne likes the sentiment. She'd like to
keepthe words. I've got to correctthat. I appreciate the sentiment, but there's
a wrong doctrine of God there.
Paul takes this deadly seriously, and let me give you two examples. In Romans
1, and in the very last book that he writes, 2 Timothy 3, he indicates
disobedience to parents as the example par excellence ofsin run amuck and
societyfallen apart. In Romans 1 in the midst of this list of horrendous sins -
go look - in Romans 1:28-32, what's stuck right in the middle of debauchery
that you don't even want to talk about in polite public - he sticks "disobedient
to parents." And in 2 Timothy 3, when he is wanting to tell Timothy,
"Timothy, you are going to minister in a day and age where everything falls

149. apart." And he talks about people being lovers of money and lovers of selves
and alienatedin their affections to one another, he sticks "disobedientto
parents." Why? Because forPaul, a person who can violate this command of
authority, of respectfor the authority of parents, is a person who is capable of
the most drastic spiritual error and who is in grave spiritual danger. This isn't
just a moralistic thing where a child who is disobedient sort of embarrasses
his or her parents. This kind of disobedience is reflective of a spiritual
problem that sends one on the course of destruction. ReadProverbs. So on the
one hand this command calls us to a proper respectto parental authority. On
the other hand it calls us not to neglectduties that we have to our parents.
Turn back with me to Matthew 15. Here's how Jesus applies it. This is so
important in a culture like ours, as the baby boomers grow older, those of us
who are the children of the baby boomers have an enormous job in caring for
them. Many of you are caring for parents right now. It's hard. It brings you
back to the days and the stressesofwhen you had very little ones in the home
who demanded lots of attention. But in some ways it's harder, because these
customers cantalk back, and they can disagree with you, and you can have
tremendous tensions about how to dealwith specific situations. But notice the
generalprinciple, not only of the Old Testamentbut of Jesus'application as
we look at Matthew, chapter15. The circumstance is this: The Phariseeshave
come to Jesus'disciples and they have askedJesus, "Whydo your disciples
not obey the traditions of the fathers, the traditions of the rabbis?" And Jesus'
response is, "Why do you disobeythe law of God? Why do your disciples not
obey the law of god?" And He gives the example of the treatment of parents.
He says, "ForGod said," (Matthew 15:4), "Godsaid, 'Honor your father and
mother,' and, 'He who speaks evilof father or mother, let him be put to
death.'" Jesus points to that very call for the death penalty for disobedience.
"But you say, 'whoevershall say to his father or mother, "Anything of mine
you might have been helped by has been given to God," he is not to honor his
father or his mother.' And thus you invalidated the word of God for the sake
of your tradition." In other words Jesus is saying that for these sort of quasi-
spiritual reasons these people are being allowedby the Pharisees notto fulfill
their obligation to care for their parents in their time of need. And He sees it
as a critical violation of God's law.

150. And that says something to us in a culture with a massive percentage ofaging
adults who are parents. These responsibilities cannotbe shifted to the
government. They cannot be wholly shifted to the church, though the church
should be aiding and helping as it can. But they are fundamentally the
responsibility of children to their parents. And so there is a positive and a
negative side of this command - to show proper respectand not to neglect
fulfillment of our obligations to our parents.
II. The personwho obeys will be blessed
And there's a promise attached, and this is the secondthing that I want you to
see. If you look at the secondhalf of Exodus 20:12, you'll see these words:
"Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land the
Lord God gives you." Now Moses andGod are not telling you there why you
should obey your father and mother - why you should honor or respectof
revere your mother and father. God isn't saying, "Do this so that you will get
this blessing. Do this because youwill getthis blessing." But He is pointing out
the inseparable connectionbetweenobedience and blessing in His plan. In this
passageHe is telling us that the promise is always with regard to God's law,
the one who walks in the way of obedience will walk in the way of blessing.
Christians who honor this command, as with all God's law, will find that with
obedience comes blessing. That's very important because this is not always
easyto do. Notice also, by the way, the Lord Himself as He speaks to Israel
includes in this command not only a command to honor our fathers (that
would have been common in cultures around Israel), but a callto honor
fathers and mothers. The parental authority of the home and the normal
structure of the home are spokenof or elaboratedin this particular command.
And when we are obedient to it there is a promise.
So in Ephesians 6, if you turn back there again, you will see Paul draw
attention to the fact, after saying, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord,
for this is right." Because,"Honoryour father and mother," he says, "is the
first commandment with a promise." Now the fact of the matter is the
promise that is given in the fifth commandment in Exodus 20:12, is repeated
severaltimes in the Old Testamentin relation to our obedience to God's law.
For instance, laterin Exodus it's attachedto the command to obey the

151. Sabbath. The principal then is this: When we are faithful to what God has
commanded us to do, He is faithful to bless us. Don't getall tied up about the
exceptions to the rule here. The point is, the way of obedience is the way of
blessing.
In obedience comes blessing.
Now we don't have much time together, and this command is exceedingly
broad. If we were to undertake a study of the Old Testamentand the New
Testament, we would find that this command applies not only to our honoring
of parental authority but also to those who are of age. If you look at Ephesians
5, Paul is concernedthat younger Christians appropriately relate to older
Christians and show them due deference. This command also applies, Paul
says in Romans 13, to our relationship to civil and governmental authorities.
It applies to our approachto church authorities. Elisha could call Elijah his
‘father in the Lord.’ Spiritual leaders in the New Testamentwere referred to
as ‘fathers.’ And this command also has implications for our relationship with
those who are our superiors in society - employers and others. We don't have
time to do justice to even raising those issues. It's a study you need to
undertake.
I want to focus particularly on the issue of our response to parental authority
in four areas. The first area is that of the care of older parents. The secondis
the area of parents' proper relationship to children. The third is the area or
the problem of children disrespectfully relating to parents. And the fourth is
the exceptionarea, the exception issue. What about the hard cases?
First I want to speak to you about the matter of our obligation as children to
our parents. We live in a day and age where older people in our societyare
viewed as expendable. There is already a major ethicist at Princeton who
argues that older people ought to be euthanized because they spend over half
of the resourceson health care in the whole of their life in their last six
months. And so at a certain point we ought to automaticallyeuthanize them.
This is a respectedethicistat Princeton University. Our societydoes not
regard older folk. But within that particular trend there is a problem of young
people - relatively young people, adult children - who don't want to assume

152. responsibility for their own parents. They had rather hand that off to someone
else. Now how we assume responsibility is a different matter. I simply want to
address the issue of the principle of our obligation to our parents. Jesus makes
it clear:We have an obligation to help our parents in need. And there is no
spiritual rigmarole that we can spout out that relieves that obligation. But I
have noticed in counseling, especiallyyounger couples, often tremendous
tensions betweeneither the husband and the wife or the wife and the husband
about the care of parents. It seems that often that one party wants to honor
the parents and care for them, but there is resistance and resentmentfrom the
other party. Now I realize that there canbe details that bring about tension,
but there should be no tension about the principle. The principle is clear. We
have an obligation to care. That is an absolute, non-negotiable. We can get
tense over the particulars, just like we can with rearing children. But there
shouldn't be a whit, there shouldn't be a whit of argument over the principle
of our obligationto our older parents if we're listening to the word of God.
That's the first thing I want to say.
The secondthing I'd like to address is the issue of how parents relate to
children. In our societywe see increasinglyparents relating to their children
as equals or peers, and even being encouragedto relate to their children as
equals or peers - to be buddies with them, rather than those who are in
authority. This is not only bad for the children, it's bad for the structure of
society, and it does not uphold the structure which is setforth here in which
parents are to be acknowledgedas superiors by their children. It is something
that we need to watchout for. There are many natural things that tug us to
relate this way. But God has reminded us in this very verse that He has an
authority structure which is ignored only at our peril and at the peril of our
children.
Thirdly, there is the epidemic problem of disrespectfor parents and other in
authority. It is not uncommon for very young people in our societyto be
disrespectfulin their words, and in their actions to parents and teachers and
others. We ought to go out of our way to foster an attitude in our children not
only of respectfor us, but for others in authority. I remember in junior high
schoolbeing given the privilege in an art class to go off with three of my
classmatesanddo our block prints and our ceramic work and our painting on

153. our own. We had an art teacherwho trusted us and saw that we were pretty
goodat what we were doing, and he said, "I'm going to do the basic stuff with
the restof the class;you can go into my specialroom and do your work." We
went in there. We workedfor awhile, but after a few days we decided that
would be a greattime to play cards. I supplied the cards. I lost most of the
time. But one day he walkedin on us, in the middle of playing cards. He
acquired the cards and told me that I could get them back at the end of the
day by bringing my mother in to talk with him. I brought my mother in to
talk with him, demanding to her on the way that she get those cards back
from Mr. Marshall. She walkedin, heard Mr. Marshall's story, and she said,
"Mr. Marshall, you are never to give those cards back. You can do anything
you want. You can sell them, you can burn them, you canmake artwork out
of them. Nevergive them back. And she taught me a lessonthat day that she
was going to uphold the authority of my teacher. And she taught him a lesson
about her respectfor authority. And she taught me a lessonabout what my
respectfor authority ought to have been for him. And we need to cultivate
that respect, becauseas Paulhas said already in 2 Timothy 3 and in Romans
1, a disrespect for authority of parents is not just a moralistic problem, it's not
just a socializationproblem, it is a deep spiritual problem. A person who can
be consistentlysassyand irreverent in their speechto parents has a deep
moral and spiritual problem. A person who can, without the slightestqualm
of conscience, disobeyparents, has a deep moral and spiritual problem to be
dealt with.
Fourthly. What about the exceptions? And that's where we always want to
run, isn't it. What about those circumstances where you've gotdifficult
situations - parents that are dealing with you wrongly? Well I want to say
first, don't be too quick to run to the exceptions. The quintessentialquestion
of Phariseeismis, "When does God's law not apply?" "Where's the
loophole?" "Whendo I not have to do what God has said in the word?" Don't
be too quick to run to exceptions. But there are exceptions. There are abusive
parents. There are parents that call on you to do things that are againstGod's
commands. There may be parents who have been extraordinarily neglectful
and incompetent. They may have actually abandoned you in one way or
another. How do you deal respectfully in that situation? How do you uphold

154. this commandment? Well, there are severalthings to be said. The first thing is
this. Don't think, don't think that the utter failure of a parent to relate to you
properly as the Lord commands in His word and as Paul, by the way,
specificallysays in Ephesians 6:4 and following, don't think that that
alleviates all obligationon your part to think through this commandment
helpfully and carefully. If you do, you'll be wrackedwith guilt, I promise you.
If you write it off and say, "Theyhaven't dealt with me right so I'm not going
to deal with them," you'll be wrackedwith guilt. You need to go to a godly
older person in the faith and get goodcounselon how to deal with the specifics
of that relationship. But you also need to realize that Jesus Himself had to deal
with that difficulty in His own upbringing. Jesus had parents who, in His
major years, thought He was nuts. And Jesus had to manage honoring His
parents in situations that were difficult. Remember that your Saviorwalked
your way.
Remember too that there are ways of respecting the authority of a position
without enabling bad behavior or approving it. And those are the difficult
things to work out in counselwith others. These issues ofhonor of parents are
not old fashioned, they are not out of date, they are timely for our day and
time. And we would see with a revival of appropriate relationship to our
parents along with it a revival of appropriate relation to God and in the
context of the church to those in authority, because they are inextricably
connected. And only Jesus Christ canenable you to live this way. This is not
something that you can do pulling yourself up by the moral bootstraps. You
need the grace ofthe Lord Jesus Christ. If you have been in a pattern of
behavior which is out of accordwith God's word you need the grace ofthe
Holy Spirit. And so your response to this, if you are struggling in this area, is
to avail yourself of God's word, God's Spirit, and the Lord Jesus Christwho
saves from sin and gives newness oflife. May God help you as you do.
Let's pray.
Our Lord and our God we thank You for Your word. We ask that You would
teachus by it. And now as we come to Your table we pray that You would
prepare our hearts to rejoice at the sacrifice ofthe Son who gave Himself that

155. we might become sons and daughters of the loving Heavenly Father. In Jesus
name. Amen.
"The Foundation of Society"
Series:The Ten Commandments Exodus 20:12
©August 27, 2000 by Rev. Bruce Goettsche
We have found that eachof the ten commandments we have studied has
spokento us about issues that touch our lives. The first four commandments
have challengedus in our relationship with God. But with the fifth
commandment the focus changes. While the first four commandments spoke
to our relationship with God, the last six commandments speak to our
relationships with eachother. If you will, the first four commandments are
vertical, the last six are horizontal.
The fifth commandment is especiallyrelevant and important for our time. We
are living in a world that has developed a cult of youth. What I mean by this is
that being young is seenas the greatestblessing. It is believed that youth is
where the energy is, where the ideas are, and where the greatest value lies.
Youth is what everyone seems to be striving for. This cult of youth has led to a
number of repercussions.
people are forced to retire because oftheir age, not because ofa decline in
their ability.
there is an obsessionto deny the effects of aging;reconstructive surgery, any
number of attempts to combatthe thinning of hair; the ever-presenthair
coloring (for men and women) to hide the gray.
We want to drive youthful looking cars, wearcontemporaryfashions and
sometimes even look to find a younger mate . . . all because we don't want to
look or feel old.

156. Many older people are "dumped" in Nursing homes (which are not bad in
and of themselves)where they are forgottenby their friends and family. Many
people in a Nursing home are never visited by family.
there are increasing reports of "doctorassistedsuicide" (and who knows how
many unreported cases). This is when it is determined that you are too old to
be "useful" and so the suggestionis made that you could always "end your
life".
The elderly are increasinglythe targetof scams, violent crimes, and are often
treated as if their opinions don't matter.
When you reacha certain age (and it changes with the situation) your
opinions no longerseemto matter and you are treated as more of a bother
than person of value.
How different is the Biblical approachto aging. The Bible tells us to honor
those who older and to value the wisdom that comes with the years.. And this
is why the fifth commandment speaks with such relevance. It is clear and to
the point,
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the
Lord your God is giving you. [Exodus 20:12]
I believe there are two basic principles we easilysee.
RESPECTFOR AUTHORITY IS THE FOUNDATION FOR SOCIETY
Readthe reasoning right after the commandment and you will see some of the
benefits promised: "so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is
giving you." In Deuteronomy5 we see a secondlisting of the 10
commandments. And in verse 16 we are told that we should honor our father
and mother so we may live long and so it would go wellwith us in the land the
Lord is giving us.
The Lord is declaring that our future prosperity and health are anchoredin
the strength of our family relationships. If the relationship betweenparents
and children disintegrates the very fabric of societybegins to unravel. James
Boice reminds us why family values are important,

157. The dark backgroundof this commandment is to be found in the natural
human dislike for authority. That is why the family is so important in God's
economy. If children are not taught to respecttheir parents but allowedto get
awaywith disobeying and dishonoring them, later in life they will rebel
againstother valid forms of authority. If they disobey their parents, they will
disobey the laws of the state. If they do not respecttheir parents, they will not
respectteachers, those who possess unusualwisdom, electedofficials and
others. If they do not honor their parents, they will not honor God.
[Foundations p. 237]
This commandment is important for the health of our society. But it is
important to see that this command should not be narrowly interpreted. In
today's societywith so many fractured families parents could refer to
biologicalparents
adopted parents
step-parents
people who have a "parental influence". (Those who are more parents than
our realparents)
The commandment has relevance for all of these people. They are all parents
in one sense and they have been given a position of authority by God over our
lives. We are to respectand honor them all because of their position.
But what we may not see is that the commandment also extends to those who
are figurative parents,
Other kinds of "fathers" and "mothers" are included in the intent of the
commandment. Commentators have pointed out that there are political
fathers (those in secularpositions of authority), spiritual fathers (pastors and
other Christian ministers) and those who are calledfather by virtue of their
old age and experience. It means we should look up to those whom God has
placed overus and treat them with "honor, obedience and gratefulness."
[Boice, Foundations p. 237]

158. Respectforauthority (which is a prerequisite for order) starts in the home.
But the principle works outwardto all who are in a position of authority. The
idea can surely be extended to include officers of the law, teachers, coaches,
employers and surely others. Honoring authority is not popular today and
that may be the reasonwe are seeing the problems we are seeing . . . the
problems of violence, immorality, and recklessness.
HONORING PARENTS HAS MANY PRACTICAL EXPRESSIONS
The word for Honor in the Old Testamentis a word that means "to be heavy"
or "to add weight". In the Bible parents are given greatweight. Reformer
John Calvin wrote,
The sum of the commandment, therefore, will be, that we are to look up to
those whom the Lord has setover us, yielding them honor, gratitude, and
obedience. Hence it follows, that every thing in the way of contempt,
ingratitude, or disobedience, is forbidden. [Calvin, Institutes p. 421]
Calvin uses the words: "honor, gratitude and obedience. Let's look at these
ideas. Since we are to honor or "give weight" to our parents it means their
desires, their values and their wisdom should matter to us. To treat a parent
with honor it means first, that we speak ofthem in ways that are honoring.
Listen to what the Bible says,
Anyone who attacks his father or his mother must be put to death. [Ex. 21:15]
Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death. [Ex. 21:17]
If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death. He has cursed
his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his own head. [Lev. 20:9]
There is really no place for the talk about our "old man" or "old lady".
Parents should be spokenof in positive terms rather than negative.
But honoring our parents is not just about what we say, it is also about what
we do. We honor our parents when we listen to them, when we treat them
with kindness, when we share their specialdays, and when we make a special
effort to show them love and consideration.

159. Gratitude means that we should be grateful for what our parents have
contributed to our lives. Now I know some would say, "My parents have
contributed nothing!" But that really isn't true. Your biologicalparents, if
nothing else, have made your life possible. Your custodialparents have
provided for your material needs such as food, clothing, a place to stay. Think
about the times your parents cheeredyou on, the positive values they taught
you.
We tend to be people who focus on what others are doing wrong. We notice
what someone isn't doing rather than what they are doing. The same is often
true of parents.
we focus on what they didn't buy us insteadof what they did
we see the specialtimes when they weren't there rather than the specialtimes
they shared
we generally focus on what they didn't teachus rather than what they did
we dwell on what they wouldn't let us do rather than on what they encouraged
us to do
we focus on their personality quirks rather than their personality strengths.
It's not just parents. It holds true for teachers, pastors, public officials, and
employers. We develop an attitude of gratitude by focusing on what was
positive rather than what is negative.
Obedience means we do what our parents tell us. Obviously this is especially
true when we are younger. As a child it is important that we trust the
guidance our parents give us. It is almostcertain that we won't agree with
many of the rules that are laid down . . . but the rules are designedto teachus
things we don't understand.
What child understands it when a parent says they should put part of their
allowance in the bank? What child understands the need to go to bed at a
regular time? Children don't understand why parents give them jobs around
the house or forbid them to go certain places, orwhy they can't just eat

160. chocolate . . . God has given children parents to guide them in areas where
they need help.
Now I will grant that sometimes parents make mistakes. Sometimes they are
abusive. Sometimes they make unreasonable demands. And everyone must
realize that when parents ask children to do things that God tells them not to
do, the children are right in disobeying. Our first responsibility is to God!
Children do not have to obey parents when they ask them to do something
dishonest, illegal, or immoral. But most of the time, children are to obey their
parents simply because they are their parents.
One final way we honor our parents is to care for them when they are old.
Perhaps you've read the story "I'll Love You Forever." It's the story about
how a parent and child relationship. It tells about a parent holding their child
at the various difficult times of life and eachtime they sang, "I'll love you
forever, I'll love you for always. As Long as I'm living My baby You'll Be." As
the story progresses the roles eventually reverse. The old infirmed parent is
now being held by their child as the child sings "I'll love you forever, I'll love
you for always, as long as I'm living my mother you'll be.."
In 1 Timothy 5 we read,
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father.
Treatyounger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women
as sisters, with absolute purity. Give proper recognitionto those widows who
are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should
learn first of all to put their religioninto practice by caring for their own
family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to
God. If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especiallyfor his
immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. [1
Timothy 5:1-5]
We live in a world where the government has takenover many of the
responsibilities that used to be the role of the family. Too often relatives are
seenas a burden rather than a responsibility. Parents should be able to count
on their children for help when it is needed. Love and respectshould have
tangible effects. It is shameful that we children are indulging themselves while

161. their parents are barely getting by. As the parent sacrificedfor the child, the
child should be willing, if needed, to sacrifice for the parent.
QUESTIONS
First, some of you might ask, "how does my relationship to parents rank with
my relationship with my own family? The Bible seems clear, "a man shall
leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall
become one flesh." (Genesis 2)Marriage changes things. I also think when a
child moves out of the home things change. The child who marries has a first
responsibility to their spouse and family. The child must be allowedto be an
adult . . . however, this does not mean that the child is finished with their
parent. . . . tough line to walk!
Second, what if the mother, father or other authority has been unworthy.
Maybe they have been abusive, or perhaps they desertedthe family, or maybe
were never around when you needed them. How do you honor parents like
this? In these caseswe must show honor for what we can. They may still be
those who gave us life . . . we are to honor them as our biologicalparents. Or
we honor them for caring for us when they do.
if one's parents are Buddhists, or materialistic atheists, there are still ways of
treating them humanly, keeping in communication, at leastto the level of
talking about food, clothing, shelter, the world news, art, or music in some
measure to them. If one's parents are unbelievers, a believing child should
write letters, remember to send surprises for birthdays, and give as
imaginative and loving care as is within the means of the child. Private help,
given without the parents realizing it, must also be given. This is constant
intercession, faithful prayer for their eyes of understanding to be open. To
take a stand againstwrong teaching or even evil practices still means one's
parents should be treated as human beings. The door must be left open. [Edith
Schaeffer, LIFELINES p. 107]
CONCLUSIONS
One of the nice things about living in a community like this is that you have
the opportunity to see many examples of parents being honored

162. parents are put in a nursing home only as a lastresort and then they are
visited regularly
children will have parents move in with them or will move in with their
parents to be able to care for them as long as they can.
children make time to acknowledgespecialdays of their parents
children go with parents to appointments or other stressfulsituations
children value the stories of their parents and pass those stories on to their
children
We aren't all fortunate enough to live close to our parents. It's one of the sad
parts of our increasinglymobile society. But we all do have a phone, we can
write letters, we canmake trips. We may not be able to do what we would like
to do . . . . but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do anything.
In this societywhere age is despisedwe need to be reminded that with age
comes wisdom. Some of the most skilled workers may no longerbe the
strongestor the fastest. Some of the wisestpeople may have trouble
remembering where they left their keys and may not know what they were
going to say. Those who are older should be respectedand honored.
Those in authority should be given respect. Notbecause oftheir power or
maybe not even because oftheir skill. Those in authority should be respected
because that is what God has commanded and because Godhas told us that
this is the only way to build a societythat is worth having.
© 2000 by Bruce Goettsche, August27, 2000 La Harpe, IL. BRUCE
GREG ALLEN
"Honor Father and Mother"
Exodus 20:12

163. Theme: God instructs us to reverence Him by honoring the authority that He
places overus.
(Delivered Sunday, September 28, 2003 atBethany Bible Church. Unless
otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotes are taken from the New King James
Version.)
INTRODUCTION
There are a couple of stories in the New Testamentthat, I believe, provide us
with a very goodintroduction to this morning's subject.
The first concerns the only story we have in the Bible about Jesus'days as a
youth. Luke tells us that, when Jesus was only twelve, He went up from
Nazarethwith His mother Mary and adopted father Josephto Jerusalem.
They went to celebrate the Feastof Passover, as was the custom of that day.
And after spending the appointed number of days there, Mary and Joseph
beganto make the journey home - supposing that young Jesus was travelling
in the midst of all the other friends and relatives. But after travelling for a
day's journey, and realizing that Jesus was notwith them, they returned to
Jerusalemto look for Him.
Luke tells us that, when the desperate parents came back to Jerusalem, Mary
and Josephstill had to searchfor Him for a while - perhaps as much as a full
day. Can you imagine their anxiety? But after missing Him for three days,
they finally found Him in an unexpected place - and their anxiety turned into
amazement. They found Him sitting in the temple in Jerusalem, surrounded
by scholars and teachers who were interviewing Him, and who were
astonishedat His wisdom and understanding.
Now;before we go any further with this story, stop and think of what that fact
alone is telling us about Jesus. He had profound wisdom and understanding -
wisdom and understanding that amazed the doctors and theologians of His
day. But His wisdom did not come from the factthat He was simply a
remarkable youngster who was learned beyond His years. Mary's Boy had
such amazing wisdom and understanding because -as Luke explained earlier
- He was the eternalSon of God in human flesh. Long before that time - long

164. before time itself, in fact - the eternalGodhead held council togetherto form
the plan for the redemption of fallen humanity. And in that plan, the Son of
God - the secondPersonof the triune Godhead - would condescendto assume
full humanity to Himself, be conceivedin the womb of Mary, be born into the
world of fallen humanity, and then die on the cross as our Savior from sins.
And so, the Bible teaches us that this same Jesus who was being so diligently
searchedfor by Mary and Joseph, and who was astonishing the scholars and
teachers with His wisdom, was none other than the eternalSon of God in
human flesh. He who was sitting in their midst and before their eyes was the
invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. All things were made for Him and
through Him; and He existed before all things; and by Him all things are held
together. And long before this Boy walkedon the earth, it was before His
throne that the angelic hosts of glory lay prostrate in reverent worship. The
very Boy sitting among them held exclusive Creator-rights over all dominions
or principalities or powers or authorities - and evenover those who then
listened to Him.
That is what's in the backgroundof this story; and I don't believe we can fully
appreciate what happens next without keeping that firmly in mind. You see;
when Mary and Josephfinally found Him - and when they gotover their
initial amazement and pulled Him awayfrom the astonishedscholars and
teachers - His mother scoldedHim. "Son," she said - and you canalmost see
her motherly finger waging - "why have You done this to us? Look, Your
father and I have sought you anxiously" (Luke 2:48). And neither Josephor
Mary understood the answerHe gave to them - "Why did you seek Me? Did
you not know that I must be about My Father's business?" (v. 49). But notice
carefully what Luke goes on to tell us; "Then He went down with them and
came to Nazareth";and particularly note His manner towardthem - "... and
was subjectto them ..." (v. 51).
Now;don't you agree that this story demonstrates that Jesus was superiorto
everyone around Him? At twelve, He proved Himself to be not only wiser
than His mother and adopted father, but even wiserthan the brilliant scholars
and intellectuals of His day - so much so that they askedHim questions! He
was the Son of God in human flesh; and even as a youngster, His true nature

165. and identity could not be hidden from those who encounteredHim. And yet,
as greatand wise as He was, He willingly submitted Himself to the authority
of humble Josephand Mary. No child ever engagedin a greateractof
parental submission than our Lord and Masterengagedin towardHis earthly
parents.
* * * * * * * * * *
That's one story. But another occurs a little over twenty-one years later, at the
end of Jesus'life on earth. Jesus had been crucified like a common criminal;
and as He hung on the cross to die for our sins, His poor mother Mary stood
before Him; and Jesus'disciple John stoodwith her. Apparently Josephhad
died some time before this; and now she alone beheld Her first-born Sonas
He died - and as He bore the sins of the world upon Himself. When she and
Josephhad searchedfor Him when He was a twelve-year-oldchild, she was in
greatanxiety because she fearedsomething had happened to Him. But can
you imagine Mary's anguish as she beheld Him now? I believe that this was
what the old man Simeon meant when he prophesied to her, "... Yes, a sword
will pierce through your own soul also ..." (Luke 2:35).
Now don't you agree that if ever there was a time that a man could be excused
from caring for his broken-heartedand widowedmother's needs, it would be
as he was suffering and dying in such a horrible way? And Jesus could be
excusedeven more than any other, because He at that time bore the sins of the
whole world upon Himself - even Mary's and John's. But the Apostle John, in
his Gospel, tells us, "WhenJesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple
whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, 'Woman, behold your
son!' Then He said to the disciple, 'Behold your mother!' And from that hour
that disciple took her to his own home" (John 19:26-27).
Even then - even at such a time as that - the Saviorof the world saw to it that
His precious mother's needs were met. He even saw to it that she'd not only
have someone taking care of her, but that she'd have a "son" to love in His
place.
I tell you those two stories to show you that no one was more obedient to the
words of this morning's passagethan our wonderful Savior. He is the perfect

166. example of keeping the spirit of the fifth commandment; and yet, if anyone
truly had a right to excuse Himself from this commandment's requirements, it
would have been the incarnate Son of God.
That commandment says,
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the
land which the LORD your God is giving you (Exodus 20:12).
And our Masterkeptit faithfully and perfectly - as shownat both the
beginning of His earthly life, and at His life's end. And so, how could anyone
else among us that claim to be His followers dare to think he or she had a
right to be consideredexempt from it?
* * * * * * * * * *
Think about this commandment with me in the context of the ten
commandments as a whole. It immediately follows the last of the first four
commandments - those four commandments that we call"the first table of the
law". Those first four commandments govern our relationship with God
Himself. And then, this commandment is the first of the last six - those six
commandments we call"the secondtable of the law". Those lastsix govern
our relationship with other people. The first commandment lifts us up to the
heights of heavenly glory and tells us that we are to worship no other god but
the one true God. And likewise, the lastcommandment takes us down to
'street-level'practicality and tells us that we are not to covetthe things that
God has given to other people.
And joining these two broad sections ofthe commandments togetherare these
two commandments. The fourth commandment takes the theme of right
worship of God as far as it can extend it to the realm of practical, everyday
practice, and tells us to ceaseour work once a week and honor God's holy day.
And the fifth commandment takes the theme of right dealings with other
people as close as it can take it to the realm of reverence towardGod, and tells
us to honor the authority figures Godhas placed in our lives as His
representatives to us.

167. In other words, these two commandments - the fourth and the fifth - serve as
a bridge that joins lofty worship with practical living. Godsaw fit to join them
togetherin one breath in Leviticus 19:1-3; "And the LORD spoke to Moses,
saying, 'Speak to all the congregationof the children of Israel, and say to
them: "You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy. Every one of
you shall revere his mother and his father, and keepMy Sabbaths: I am the
LORD your God."'"
This commandment to honor our father and mother is inseparably connected
to right reverence towardGod. And I believe it's because this is so that God
commanded Israel to take the sin of breaking it very seriously. In the giving of
His law, God says, "Cursedis the one who treats his father or his mother with
contempt" (Deut. 27:16). One of the more unpleasantof the Proverbs expands
graphically on this curse and says, "The eye that mocks his father, and scorns
obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young
eagles willeat it." (Prov. 30:17). In fact, Deuteronomy21:18-21 tells us just
how seriouslythe people of Israel were to take this commandment:
If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his
father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastenedhim, will
not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring
him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the
elders of his city, 'This sonof ours is stubborn and rebellious;he will not obey
our voice;he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall
stone him to death with stones;so you shall put awaythe evil from among
you, and all Israelshall hear and fear(Deut. 21:18-21).
In other words, a consistentbreaking of the fifth commandment was a capital
offense in Israel!
* * * * * * * * * *
Now this, of course, means that if we had been living under the theocracyof
ancient Israel, severalof us would be under a pile of rocks right now! And I'm
not proposing that we make the persistent violation of the fifth commandment
a capital crime in our day. But there's no getting around the fact that it is a
profoundly grievous and serious sin in the eyes of God - even for us who live

168. in the twenty-first century! Listen to the kinds of sins with which the apostle
Paul says this one keeps company. Paul says Godgave some over
... to a debasedmind, to do those things which are not fitting: being filled with
all unrighteousness, sexualimmorality, wickedness,covetousness,
maliciousness;full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are
whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of
evil things, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS..." (Rom. 1:28-30, emphasis
added).
Does it surprise you to see disobedience to parents listed among such things?
We might not have included it in such a list; but the Holy Spirit - speaking
through Paul - did! Paul told Timothy that, in the last days, perilous times will
come;
For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud,
blasphemers, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS, unthankful, unholy, unloving,
unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers ofgood,
traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God ...
(2 Tim. 3:2-4, emphasis added).
Do you see what vile company this sin keeps? Some may not think of this as
such a bad sin; but God most certainly does - and if folks minimize it today,
they must repent and see it as God sees it - or else find themselves arguing
with their Creator!You cannot walk with God and, at the same time, embrace
a sin such as this that He brings such a curse upon! You cannotlive a life of
holiness before God and have, in your life, a sin that is worthy to be placed in
lists of things so vile as these!You cannot live in obedience to the first four
commandments while, at the same time, disregarding the fifth!
* * * * * * * * * *
Now;before we go any further, I want to recognize a very difficult problem in
all this. I know that for a few of us - and for some very grievous reasons - this
commandment is a hard pill to swallow. It would be easyto honor parents if
parents always lived honorably. But the truth is that none of us have had
perfect parents; and some of us have had parents who were profoundly

169. imperfect. There are some here this morning who had parents who were
inconsistent, or unfaithful, or irresponsible. Some have grownup under
parents that had been unfaithful to one another, or who had abandonedor
neglectedtheir children, or who engagedin practices and habits that harmed
everyone else in the family. Some have even grown up under a parent who was
cruel, or controlling, or inappropriate, or abusive, or violent - and you bear
the emotionaland physical scars ofsuch things even into adulthood.
Many such believing people still have to deal with their parents; and they will
always struggle in their spirits with the idea of "honoring" them. But that's
what God calls us to do; and we must obey Him. So how do we do this? How
do we reconcile our sense ofmoral responsibility to obey God's commandment
with the factthat we may have parents who have lived dishonorably and
hurtfully toward us?
Let me suggestsome basic things. First, it's important to remember that God
understands that struggle and is compassionatetowardthose in it. God never
calls us to pretend that terrible things did not happen to us, or that sins were
not committed against us. And we certainly should never take this
commandment to mean that anyone should remain in an abusive or
dangerous situation. After all, to show "honor" to someone does notmean we
must continue to be their victim, or allow them to persistin doing evil to us.
We should always call sin for what it is - even when it's found in our own
parents.
But seconda secondthing I think it helps to remember is that all true
authority - including parental authority - is first of all God's authority; and
that it flows down from Him to those He has placedover us. Paul explained
this in Romans 13 - there speaking of governing authorities. He wrote; "Let
every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority
exceptfrom God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.
Therefore whoeverresists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and
those who resistwill bring judgment on themselves" (Rom. 13:1-2).
This means that all legitimate authority is "derivative" in nature. If we seek to
faithfully honor the authority of those whom He has placedover us - even if

170. they don't always actworthy of such honor - we are really seeking to honor
God first. We honor God by honoring the authority He has placed over us. If
our God-appointed authority ever orders us to do something that God says
not to do, then our first obligation is to obey God; and we must say - as the
apostles said- "We ought to obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29).
So, we always owe honorto the parents God had placedover us - even if they
acteddishonorably when we were under their direct authority, and even if
they actdishonorably still. Our duty before God towardthem is not set aside
because they failed to perform their God-appointed duty toward us. Now, it
may be hard to know how to do this in practice;and I suspectthat it will
mean different things in different situations. But I believe that we are on
proper ground if we can pray, "God; You here command me to honor my
parents. And even though I find it hard in my flesh to do so, I hereby do so
first by submitting to You. And I pray that, in my desire to first honor You,
You will give me the ability and the wisdom to honor them. Take my
bitterness and resentment away. Help me to rebuke sin where I see it; and
empowerme to forgive sin when it is confessed. Butin all of it, help me to
honor You by properly honoring them to the best of my ability."
I believe Godwill help you and guide you, if you seek Him first in that way.
* * * * * * * * * *
All that being said, let's now take a closerlook atthe words of this
commandment. We see, first ...
1. THE OBJECTSOF THE COMMANDMENT.
God says, "Honoryour father and your mother". Here, God points to the
most basic and foundational conceptof human authority we ever encounterin
life. Our whole understand of human authority finds its beginning point in
our relationship to father and mother. It is from them that, ordinarily, we
learn about all the other authority figures God places overus - and even about
God Himself. I believe it's the very first commandment we learn to keepin
life. I believe that's why the apostle Paulwrote to the young people in Ephesus
and said, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor

171. your father and mother', which is the first commandment with promise: "that
it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth'" (Eph. 6:1-3).
You see;this is not the first commandment in the list of the ten
commandments that has a promise attached;because commandments two,
three and four all have promises attached to them as well. Rather, this one is
the first commandment you and I ever learn in life; and it's the first with a
promise attached, because it's our first experience in life with cause-and-effect
relationships. Generally speaking, we learnvery early in life that things will
go better for us if we will obey our father and mother. That's why it's "the
first commandment with promise". It's a foundational commandment
connectedto the foundational people in our lives; and from it, we learn that
our lives will go better if we honor God above all else, and honor the authority
figures He has placedover us.
* * * * * * * * * *
This means that we are right to see the words of this commandment as simply
giving us the starting point; and to understand it as expanding far beyond its
words to include all the authority figures God has placed overus. Who are
these authority figures? The first, and most obvious is - of course - our fathers
and mothers. But it would also include - in their proper and appointed realms
of authority - such figures as our teachers, orour employers, or our civil and
governmental leaders, and our spiritual leaders.
In other words, God - in this command to honor father and mother - is laying
the foundation for His own rule over our whole socialand relational life. This
is why it is such an important beginning to the secondtable of the law. If God
can teachus to acknowledgeHis authority through our fathers and mothers,
then He can teachus to honor His authority through all of the other authority
figures He has placedover us - and through them, to honor Him in the way we
live among other people.
This leads us to consider, second...
2. THE COMMAND ITSELF.

172. The command is to, "Honor your father and your mother ..."; and the
Hebrew word used here basicallymeans to "be heavy, or weighty".
Metaphorically, it means "to give honor" or "reverentialrespect" to someone.
Sometimes, we saythat someone's opinion "carries a lot of weight" - meaning,
that it is consideredwith esteemand is honored. That's the idea behind this
word.
Now, what it means to "honor" authority means different things with respect
to different types of authority. To honor our parents will mean, while we are
young and living under their authority in the home, that we obey them and
show respectfor their rules. Colossians3:20 says, "Children, obey your
parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord". We're to follow the
example Jesus setfor us in the honor He paid to His own earthly parents.
While living under their authority in the home, we're to respectthem, never
talk disrespectfully towardthem, never talk badly about them to others, obey
their rules without grumbling or complaining, and truly love them.
And if we've grown into adulthood and are no longerliving under our
parent's authority, and if they are older and in need, "honoring" them means
that we also follow Jesus'example and provide for their care as they provided
for us. Jesus was once rebukedby the scribes and Pharisees because He and
His disciples did not washtheir hands before eating in the traditional,
ceremonialway. But Jesus respondedby asking:"And why do you also
transgress the commandment of God because ofyour tradition?" (Matthew
15:3). The Jews hada tradition that allowedthem to devote their goods or
financial resources to God. If a scribe or Pharisee wishedto avoid helping his
needy parents, he could simply declare his money "givento God" - and thus,
made unavailable for the meeting of their needs. Jesus said, "ForGod
commanded, saying, 'Honor your father and your mother;' and 'He who
curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' But you say, 'Whoeversays
to his father or mother, "Whateverprofit you might have receivedfrom me is
a gift to God' - then he need not honor father or mother. Thus you have made
the commandment of God of no effectby your tradition" (vv. 4-6).
The Bible commands that, if a man has a widowedmother, he is to provide a
living for her; "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especiallyfor

173. those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever" (1 Tim. 4:8). We are to "honor" our parents by obeying them
when we are young, and by providing for them in their time of need when we
are older.
We're also to honor our employers as authority figures God has placed over
us - and for young people, I believe this would also include teachers. The Bible
says,
Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the
flesh, with fearand trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; and not with
eyeservice, as menpleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of
God from the heart, with goodwilldoing service, as to the Lord, and not to
men, knowing that whatevergoodanyone does, he will receive the same from
the Lord, whether he is a slave or free (Eph. 6:5-8).
To honor our employer or our teachermeans to do faithfully what we've been
calledto do for them. It means to do our work for them faithfully - not just
when they're watching. It means fulfilling their expectations in a way that
pleases them. It means doing what they've called us to do heartily - as if we
were doing our work for Jesus Himself.
We're also to honor our governing and civil authorities. Petersaid, "Honor all
people. Love the brotherhood. FearGod. Honor the king" (1 Peter2:17). He
said, "... Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake,
whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by
him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good"
(1 Peter2:13-14). Paul said, "I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers,
intercessions,and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all those
in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and
reverence. Forthis is goodand acceptable in the sight of God our Savior" (1
Tim. 2:1-3).
To honor our governing authorities would mean to respecttheir positions of
authority as having been given them from God. It would mean that we not
speak againstthem or blaspheme them; because Godsays, "Youshall not
revile God, nor curse a ruler of your people" (Ex. 22:28). It means we support

174. them with our prayers. It means we obey their laws - so long as they don't
violate a clearcommand from God. And if their laws do violate a command
from God, it means that we disobeyin such a wayas to maintain respectfor
the leader- not in a disorderly or rebellious manner. It means that we
faithfully pay our taxes to our federal, state and localgovernments.
We're also to honor our spiritual authorities. The writer of Hebrews says,
"Rememberthose who rule over you, who have spokenthe word of God to
you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct" (Heb.
13:7). He writes, "Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they
watchout for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with
joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you" (v. 17).
To honor our spiritual authorities would mean to recognize them as holding
that position by the authority of God, and not to unduly resent them or resist
them. It means to pray for the church leaders regularly. It means to seek their
council, and obey them when they speak by the authority of God's word. It
means to support them in their work financially, and to exercise ourspiritual
gifts under their direction and exhortation.
You see;what it means to "honor" the authority figures God has placedover
us is going to mean different things with respectto different positions of
authority. God gives us the broad principles, and we need to seek His leading
in the specifics. Butin all cases, we're to honor them as having authority over
us by God's divine appointment; and we're to honor God through honoring
them. We're to start by honoring God's authority in our lives; then to honor
our father and our mother; and then also honor all God-appointed authority.
In the original language, this commandment speaks as if to the secondperson
singular; that is, not as if addressing a group but as if addressing an
individual. Eachone of us, as individual men and women before God, are to
honor "our" father and mother - not all fathers and mothers as if they were
our own. And I take this to be a reminder that we are not bound to authorities
God has placedover other people, but strictly to those He has placed over us.
And I notice that this commandment speaks ofshowing honor to both father
and mother equally - not showing preference for one over the other in our

175. honor. I take that to be a reminder that, though we don't "honor" all our
authority figures in exactly the same way, we are nevertheless bound to give -
without bias - the appropriate honor due to eachof them.
* * * * * * * * * *
And finally, notice ...
3. THE BLESSING ATTACHED TO THE COMMANDMENT.
God says that we're to do this "that your days may be long upon the land
which the LORD your God is giving you".
These words were specificallyspokento the people of Israel, who were
delivered from their bondage in Egypt so that they may enter into the land
God was giving them. Long life on the land was a symbol of God's blessings;
and so, God is here promising a greatblessing to those who honor the
authority He places overthem.
This is basedon a generalprinciple of blessing that follows obedience to God's
commandments. God told the people of Israel,
Now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments
which the LORD your God has commanded to teachyou, that you may
observe them in the land which you are crossing overto possess,that you may
fear the LORD your God, to keepall His statutes and His commandments
which I command you, you and your sonand your grandson, all the days of
your life, and that your days may be prolonged (Deut. 6:1-2).
Peterreflectedthis principle when he wrote,
Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassionfor one another; love as
brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;not returning evil for evil or
reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were
calledto this, that you may inherit a blessing. For"He who would love life and
see gooddays, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking
deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peaseand
pursue it. For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His hears are

176. open to their prayers; but the face of the LORD is againstthose who do evil"
(1 Peter3:8-12; see also Psalm34:12-16).
God's blessings restupon those who reverence Him by honoring the authority
He places over them; and here, these blessings are presentedas "earthly" in
nature. Now we have to recognize this as a generalprinciple; because
sometimes God's blessings on someone do not necessarilymean a long life on
earth. As Arthur Pink has written, "... All promises of earthly blessing ... must
necessarilyimply this condition: they shall be literally fulfilled to us if this
would promote our eternal happiness - otherwise they would be threatenings
and not promises. In His mercy God often abridges this promise and takes His
beloved home to Himself."1
The greatestblessing we will ever enjoy, of course, is to be eternally in God's
presence. But as far as earthly blessings go, you can be confident of the
generalpromise that - as Paul has said - that honoring your authority figures
will be "wellpleasing to the Lord" (Col. 3:20); and you should do so in order
that "if may be wellwith you" (Eph. 6:3).
* * * * * * * * * *
The Puritan preacherThomas Watsonwrote, "Disobedientchildren stand in
a place where all God's arrows fly." May we, instead, stand in the place where
His blessings surelycome. May we, by God's grace, follow the example of our
Savior; whose foodit was to do the will of His Father(John 4:34). Maywe,
like Him, honor father and mother.
1Arthur Pink, The TenCommandments; from The Bestof Arthur Pink
(Grand Rapids: BakerBook House, 1978), p. 237.
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Copyright © 2003 BethanyBible Church, All Rights Reserved

177. The Breaking Point
By J. Mike Minnix
Bible Book:Exodus 20 : 12
Subject: Ten Commandments; Family; Children; Parenting
Series:God's Way, The Right Way (Ten Commandments)
Introduction
We come now to the fifth Commandment. This is part of a series of sermons
that will take us through the Ten Commandments. This messagesis entitled,
The Breaking Pointand comes from Exodus 20:12.
Interestingly, the fifth Commandment marks a "breaking point" in the Ten
Commandments. The first four Commandments speak of our relationship to
God; however, beginning with Commandment number five, we initiate
considerationof our relationship to people and things. The first four
Commandments concernour vertical relationship but the next six
Commandments concernour horizontal relationships. The first four
Commandments deal with our upward life, but the last six of them are
concernedwith our outward and inward life.
I have not titled today's message "The Breaking Point" because the
Commandments are broken into two parts, but rather I do so to speak of
something even more important. The fifth Commandment is given to us
because Godhas createdus to live in families. Family life is at the center of
civilization. If the family breaks down, so does the societyin which the
families are located.
A church, a community, a city, a nation, will only be as strong as its families.
Satanknows this, and so he attacks this institution as no other. God
commanded that a proper respectfor authority and status must be observed
in the home. If this respectis not maintained, culture will crumble and the life
of the societywill be shortened. If this respectis maintained, the life of the
societyis strengthenedand lengthened. Literally, life and death hang in the
balance of the home life within a society. God knew that His people would not

178. long survive if they neglecteda proper love, respectand honor within the
family unit.
Jesus upheld this Commandment as being important. In Matthew 19:19 He
paraphrasedthis Old Testamentpassage,"Honorthy father and thy mother:
and, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." In Ephesians 6:2-3 Paul also
mentioned this Commandment. In other words, this is not just some
antiquated law out of the distant past. This word is needed today as much as
any time in history.
I want you to look at this passagewith me in three divisions.
I. Parents Worthily Receiving Honor
This passageseems to presuppose that the father and mother are worthy of
honor. God expectedthat His people would raise their children in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord. The honor due parents is not directly relatedto
the parents deserving the honor, but it is certainly something we should
consider. Those ofus who have children need to stop and ask just what kind
of parents we are. I am not talking about judging parenting in the light of
Hollywood's perception of modern parenting, but I want us to judge our
parenting by the standards of God found in His word. God's word points out
four things which parents should provide for their children. What are they?
A. Protection
When Jesus was born, Herod was determined to find Him and kill Him. He
ordered all male babies in Bethlehem who were two years of age and younger
to be put to death. But an angelhad warnedJosephand Mary of the danger,
and the angel directed them to flee to Egypt. Note that God will help us help
our children when we are close enoughto Him for His counselto give us
warnings. If we walk apart from a close relationshipto Him, we may miss the
warnings that only God can see and provide to us. For the sake of our
children, we need to be parents who keepin close fellowshipwith the Lord.
Protecting our children means that we do all we can when they are growing
and developing to protect them from physical harm, spiritual attack, social
disappointment and mental failure. In fact, it is said of Jesus whenHe was a

179. child that He grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man
(Luke 2:52). We must protect our children in body, mind, emotion and
spiritual development. This cannot be done with part time parenting. You
must be able to observe the growth and changes in your child. The mind and
soul of a child can be corrupted through improper education, dangerous
association, andunholy entertainment. The body and emotions can be
destroyedthrough poor diet, illegaldrugs, and a wrong method of dealing
with relationships. We cannotensure that a child will not be harmed or hurt,
but we can do our best to protect that child. We must do our best to act in a
way that is worthy of the honor which God says the child should give to us. In
other words, we ought to so live as to be worthy of the honor we ask from our
children.
B. Affection
Also, a parent is to show a child proper love and teacha child how to love.
Love must be expressedand not just felt. I have had some adults tell me that
they never once heard their father say “I love you” when they were growing
up. What a shame! God expressedHis love for us and showedit overand over
again. Jesus spoke ofHis love for His disciples. It is a divine thing for a man to
show and express love. Mothers should also express love toward her child or
children in words and deeds. Many children grow up with a poor
understanding of the love of God because theyexperience a poor example of
love from their parents. Whether we realize it or not, many children gettheir
conceptof God's love from us as parents.
I remember a man from my college days who talkedabout this. He was a
fellow student and someone I knew quite well. The one thing I did not know
about him, until he revealedit in a conversation, was the poor example his
father had given him when he was growing up. He told me one day that he
had a problem with the idea of a loving father. He wonderedout loud how
many other people in our churches may have a similar experience to his. The
point he was making is that some terms we use while preaching may have a
negative effecton those who hear them. When he heard the phrase, “Your
heavenly Father,” it certainly did not mean the same thing to him that it

180. meant to me. It is sad if we as parents extend to our children a poor example
of what it means to love and be loved, especiallyas it relates to God’s love.
Ellen Yinger, writing in Today's Christian Woman, tells about an incident
with her daughter that is very revealing. She writes, "Whenmy daughter lost
her lastbaby tooth, I was wearyof the Tooth Fairy and decidedit was time to
dispel this childhood myth. 'Kelli,' I said, 'You know how the EasterBunny is
really Mommy, and Santa Claus is, too?'
'Yes,' she replied, a bit warily. 'Well, there's one more personwho is really
me. Can you guess who that is?'
Slowly, Kelli's eyes grew big as saucers andher mouth dropped open. In a
small, awe-filledvoice, she said, 'God?'” (Today’s Christian Woman, “Heart
to Heart”)
Whether we like if out not, our children form ideas about God and His nature
from the waywe treat them. We are wise to show them God’s love as we live
eachday, otherwise they may never be open to it!
C. Direction
Parents are to give direction to their children. Paul statedthat we are to bring
up a child in the nurture (training) and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians
6:4). The first teaching by parents to children should be that of instructing
them to respectGod. Teachyour children to stand in awe of God. That is
what the "fearof the Lord" really is. Children must be trained in God's ways,
not our ways. The principles of God are unchanging and will suffice for a
child throughout a lifetime. The "admonition of the Lord" speaks ofwarning
and caution. Children need to learn early the dangers of violating eternal
principles. The word for admonition means to point the mind in a correct
direction, adding to it a warning of danger if the direction is not followed.
I heard a news story some days ago, and I don’t remember what news
program it was on, about a woman who was using her preschoolagedchild to
stealfrom people. Apparently the mother had taught the child to slip behind a
counter a stealthe purse of a clerk in a store. The mother would divert the
attention of the clerk and the small child would slip in behind the counter,

181. find the clerk’s pocketbookand lift the purse. I thought about that poor child
and what this habit might create in his or her mind in future years.
Children need to learn from parents the importance of loving and serving
God. Statistics prove that children form their ideas about how important God
is from observing their parents. A study recordedin "Leadership" magazine
by Warren Mueller (Vol.2, no. 3) reveals that if both mom and dad attend
church on a regular basis that 72% of their children will remain faithful in
attendance as well. If only the father attends church regularly, the faithfulness
of the children drops to 55%. When mom is the only one who is faithful, the
percentage of children who will remain faithful in church attendance drops
even more, to only 15%. When neither attend regularly, only 6% remain
faithful.
Parents must give direction to their children in word and deed. We give them
direction in what we say but also in how we live. Certainly how we live will
have as much effect, and perhaps more, than merely what we say to our
children. Do we deserve the honor God says our children are to give us when
it comes to the direction we teachin word and reveal in our deeds?
D. Correction
Parents are to discipline their children. Many years ago an instruction booklet
for raising young womensaid, "If your daughter becomes difficult, try
brushing her hair. If that does not work, try the other side of the brush on the
other end of the girl." Some people question the effectivenessofcorporalor
physical punishment of children. Certainly Godgave instructions that
children should be physically punished in order to teachthem discipline. The
punishment of a child should be gentle and should never injure or cause real
physical harm. On the other hand, time out and other ideas of punishment are
not sufficient in themselves to teacha child true discipline. God has
determined that a form of discipline somewhere betweena time out and a
knock out is needed to help your child develop properly.
The very worstform of punishment for a child is psychologicalbattering.
Telling a small boy or girl that he or she is stupid or dumb is the worstform
of abuse. Some of you in this room today bear the scars of parental words.

182. Long ago you forgotthe pain of spankings you received, but you have not
forgottenhow you were told that you would never amount to anything.
Children look to their parents for assurance thatthey are okayand that they
are loved. Abusive words mark a child for life with a feeling of insecurity and
a lack of self-confidence. Inferiority and insecurity stalk the child who is
verbally abused.
I know a person today is has been damagedfor life by the cruel words spoken
by the mother. Those words wounded this person for life. Full potential will
never be reachedby this personbecause ofthe abusive treatments given by
both parents and in particular the mother.
All discipline is to be given with love. I remember my day saying, “Son, I
don’t want to spank you but you leave me no choice. I want you to know that
this is going to hurt me as much as it is going to hurt you.” Well, it didn’t
seemthat way to me at the time. Later, when I became a parent, I knew what
my father meant. I never felt during punishment that my father hated me, was
looking down on me or that he enjoyed what he was doing. In fact, he often
said, “Son, I know you can do much better. I want you to be the personwho
can be.” Those words stuck with me and still do!
Parents, how are we doing? In the areas ofProtection, Affection, Direction
and Correctionwe must excel. God tells children to honor their parents, and
He says this without qualification. But if we are to be worthy of the divinely
demanded honor, we must look to these four areas from time to time to see
how we are doing.
II. Children Willingly Giving Honor
An eighty year old lady had two daughters. They almost never visited her
even though they lived nearby and had plenty of time to shop at the localmall
regularly. The lady went to her lawyerand askedfor two things to be taken
care of when she died. First, she wanted to be cremated. Secondly, she wanted
her ashes spreadall over Macy's Department Store. The lawyer asked, "Why
Macy's?" The aging womansaid, "ThenI will know that my daughters will
visit my resting place at leasttwice a week."

183. The aging mother was looking for some honor from her daughters! It is
important for children to honor their parents according to God's Word. Note
some important elements to this command from the Lord.
A. Honoring Your Parents
To "honor" means to "attachweight to someone orsomething." This
Commandment orders us to give weight or importance to the role of
parenting and to the responsibility of honoring our parents properly.
1. We Must Not Wait Till Our Parents Are PerfectTo Honor Them
All of us are sinners. Our parents are not and will not be perfect. We are to
honor them with respecteven if they disappoint us at times. Remember, God’s
loves you and blesses youeven when you are not what He expects you to be.
2. We Must Not Wait Till Our Parents Are Worthy To Honor Them
None of us is fully righteous, and therefore not worthy of honor. If you wait
till your parents meet all your expectations ofwho and what they ought to be,
you will never honor them. We are to honor them where they are in life. All of
us are moving along, learning as we go, and parents are no different.
3. We Must Not Wait Till We Like Our Parents Before Honoring Them
You may not like your parents practice, but you must honor their position. A
soldier honors a senior ranking officerbut he may not necessarilylike that
person. We honor the position of police officers whether we like a particular
one or not. God calls for us to honor our parents even when they disappoint
us.
B. Heeding Your Parents
Parents give direction because they care. Children should heed what their
parents say. The Bible clearly teaches thatwe are to obey our parents. This
does not mean that adult children should obey their parents. This command
speaks ofchildren who are still live at home and under the authority of their
parents due to their young age. Those children or teens living at home, should

184. obey their parents in the Lord. The Bible does not say that parents are always
right. And certainly there is nothing in the Bible that orders a child to obey a
parent if the parent is ordering them to break the law or violate Biblical
moral principles. But otherwise, children should obey their parents, for this is
right and pleases the Lord.
Children need to know that God holds parents responsible for how they live,
and for how they discipline their children. Eli had two sons and Eli was a very
goodman. But, for one reasonor another he did not discipline his sons. They
lived godless lives and he did little to correctthem. God judged Eli for his lack
of discipline. When your parents are correcting you, they are obeying God. If
you have parents who love you and love God, you are very blessed, and you
should thank God for this blessing. Rather than working againstyour parents,
you should heed what they tell you and allow God to work through them to
help you. In a family, everyone has a role to play in order to make life better
for eachparticipant. As a child, you are to honor and obey your parents – that
is your role!
C. Helping Your Parents
The lastthing that honoring your parents means is to help your parents. We
can do this when we are children still at home. We canhelp our parents by not
disobeying them, embarrassing them, or making their job as parents more
difficult through our behavior. We can do our chores, keepup our school
work, and acthonestly in a trustworthy manner. We canhelp out around
them home without having to be askedor commanded to do so. We can keep
our rooms clean, take goodcare of the things our parents buy us and work
with other family members to reduce tension.
When our daughter and son were young, they were wonderful. I really mean
that! I can tell you this, they gave me far more honor than I deserved. They
never once –not once – did anything to embarrass us. As a preacher you know
that people watch your children very carefully. Many preacher’s kids turn out
rough and tough from being singled out in this manner. But, our children
sought to honor us by never doing anything to harm my ministry or our
family name. I look back on that now are realize how blessedwe were. I don’t

185. mean to say that they were perfect, but I think I can saythat they were as
goodas their parents were. Children, I pray that all of you will do that for
your parents. When you grow up and go your own way, I hope you will live
for Christ. At that point in life you will have to decide how you will live, but
right now while you are at home and growing up, honor your parents. Don’t
every do anything to dishonor or shame them. God will bless you for that.
After we become adults, the main way we canhonor our parents is by helping
them. Certainly once we are grown, we are not ordered to obey them.
Somewhere I read that obedience to parents moves through 3 stages.
Stage 1 is when we obey because we told to.
Stage 2 is in our youth, when we obey because we know it is right. It is called
willing obedience.
Stage 3 is in our adult life. It is calledmutual obedience because it involves
parent and child seeking to obey all the commands of God on an equal basis.
As adult children, we cancomfort our parents with contacts by phone, mail
and personalvisits. We can live honorable lives so as not to make their
declining years more difficult and complicated. We can pray for them and
with them. We can help meet financial and physical needs which may be too
difficult for them.
Jesus talkedabout the wayadult children dishonored their parents in
Matthew 15. Some adult children were seeking ways to keepfrom having to
help their parents. One way they sought to avoid their responsibilities was to
declare that everything they had was dedicatedto God and, therefore, could
not be used to help their parents. Jesus pointed out how wrong this was. We
must care for our parents in their declining years. This is certainly a way we
can and should honor our parents.
III. Families Wisely Respecting Honor
There are some important reasons forthe fifth Commandment. How wise we
will be if we know these reasons and respectthem.
A. A PracticalReason.

186. The judgment we use toward others will one day be used to judge us. We need
to obey our parents, and honor them, for one day we will want our children
and grandchildren to do the same for us. In the end, our relationship to our
parents should be a reflectionof our relationship to our Heavenly Father. It is
to be one of honor and respectthat is punctuated by our willing obedience and
devotion. I promise you that one day when you have children you will want
them to love you, honor you, obey you and follow the Lord. So, do that for
your parents now.
B. A NationalReason.
The longevity of a nation depends greatly on honoring this Commandment.
Long life mentioned in this Commandment did not just refer to one's personal
life, but to the life of the nation. A church, a city, and a nation, depends on
obedience to this Commandment to ensure God's blessing of longevity,
prosperity and integrity. Rebellious children become rebellious adults, and
this leads to the collapse ofa nation.
C. A Biblical Reason.
We could simply say that we should obey this Commandment because God
said so!Actually, God said so because it is for our own good. You see, honor
and obeying one’s parents pleases the Lord. That is what we read in
Colossians 3:20. Pleasing the Lord ought to be an incentive for obedience to
this Commandment. Certainly all the redeemedsaints desire to bring glory to
God and to please Him. This cannot be done while breaking this
Commandment
Conclusion
There are some of us here today who need to ask the Lord to forgive us. Why?
Becausewe have not been the children we should have been to our parents.
We made life difficult on them when we were young. Perhaps we have not
shown them enoughlove now that we are older. Some young people here
today need to confess thatat this very moment you are not honoring your
parents as you should.

187. Others ought to forgive your parents. You may hold some hard feelings about
things done to you, said to you, or denied you by your parents. We need to
know that they were not, and are not, perfect any more than we are perfect.
In our hearts, before the Lord, we ought to forgive them and let go of the past.
You can never be what you should be if you are holding grudges againstyour
parents.
Some of us who are parents need to make a new commitment to love and lead
our children according to God's Word and Way! Come now, dear parents,
admit how difficult the task is and how often you fail. Moms and dads, and
single parents, need to get out of you seatand come forward today to bow
before the Lord. You need help and you know it. You need to ask God to give
you wisdom to deal with rearing your children. Some of you have wayward
children, and it grieves you deeply because youdid the best you could to
teach, discipline, love and guide them. God knows where they are. He cares,
just like you care. Bring those children to Godtoday during this invitation.
We need to ask the Lord for help in this matter. The job is bigger than we are,
but greateris He that is in us that he that is in the world. Let us turn to the
Lord today as families, for God createdthe family and he is the One who can
make our families what they ought to be.
Lastly, there is a family you may not belong to. The family of God is made up
of all those who repent of their sins and receive Jesus as Saviorand Lord. If
you have never done that, there is a heavenly Father calling you today. He
loves you. He is willing to save you. He promises you a wonderful home in
heaven with Him when this life is over. Come to Him today and join the
family of God.
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Strive To Honor Father and Mother

188. By Kenneth Hendricks
Bible Book:Exodus 20 : 12
Subject: Ten Commandments; Children Obey Parents
Series:TenCommandments
Introduction
The subject of parental authority has always been an issue;especiallyin the
latter part of the 20th century and the early part of the 21stcentury. When it
comes to authority or how much a parent should “control” their child or how
much should a parent intervene in a child’s natural developmentalprocess
does the bible speak clearlyon these issues? I believe it does. I want you to
notice a progression. The first four commandments tell us of our duty to God.
No exception! God wants us to obey it just as He wrote it. The next priority, in
order for our societyto function properly, is our relationship to our parents.
This is divine order; not the notion of some parent/child relations expert! This
is the only systemthat will work to preserve safety and society.
I. Who are the people of this command, vs. 12.
A. Who is to get the honor, vs. 12.
"…thy father and thy mother… "
The first thing we can notice here is that mother and father receive equal
respect!You may ask, "Who are my mother and father in the sight of God?"
To answerthat question simply, it’s the ones who gives you birth! That’s it!
That’s all you get!No chance at another mother and father. Are there others
whom you’d have the same, or more respectfor? Yes, in some cases. But
that’s your choice, not God’s command. Good, then I don’t have to do what
my stepparents tell me to do! Children, listen closelyhere!You are to obey
and honor anyone who instructs you “in the Lord”. The word honor denotes a
person-to-personrelationship. It’s used to describe the one who has authority
over you. If you have a stepmother or stepfather you are under their
authority. But remember, right always takes authority over wrong. Not only
do we see who is to getthe honor, but also:

189. B. Who is to give the honor, vs. 12.
"…thy father and thy mother…"
vs. 12. The word thy is a pronominal adjective which means belonging to you;
possessive. The wordhonor carriedwith it the idea of respector value; to
show kindness. We are told to obey our parents in Ephesians 6:1-3. Let’s deal
with our commandment. Respectyour parents. When they instruct you “in
the Lord” carry out that instruction.Submit to their rebukes, listento their
advice and comfort your parents. Did I say God said to take their abuse? No!
Look at Mark 9:42-48. Making you stay home from a dope smoking, love
making, raise cane party is not child abuse!Spanking you for doing wrong is
not abuse!Listen kids! Contrary to your most informed source;your parents
are not floating around in the dark. It’s such a sad factthat you so often feel
some kid two years older than you has all the right answers about the life he’s
yet to experience!Believe me, when your parents saythey’ve been there; they
have! Not only do we see the people of the commandment, but also:
II. The promises of the commandment, vs. 12.
A. The love God shows, vs. 12.
"…that thy days may be long upon the land…"
vs. 12. The term that thy days is defined more as a period of time within a
lifetime, but progressing pastthat life. It’s used in the imperfect mood in the
Hebrew and that’s interesting because it denotes not only a present actionbut
a future action as well. Illustration: to say he is painting the room tells what
he is doing now with the assumption that it will continue until the room is
finished. God is saying, I love you and have given to you the keys to having a
long and prosperous future. Now listen! Maybe not to one person, but to the
whole generation!It just makes sense!If we had honored our mother and
father from the beginning of time we wouldn’t be in our present situation in
Iraq and Afghanistan. There would be fewerjails, little ignorance, less divorce
and no snotty nosedlittle brats that want not only their every need met but
also their every whim! Notonly do we see the love God shows, but also:
B. The land Godshares, vs. 12.

190. "…upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee..."
vs. 12. The Lord is speaking here of the environment which God has given
you. Listen! Mostof you have been given a loving and secure home. Dishonor
will destroy the land God has sharedwith you! Dishonor brings God’s
judgment on your family; it causeshatred and brokenhearts. You suffer loss
of joy and disgrace. Butlook at the joy you can bring to the land God has
shared with you. You make your parents glad and you calm tension in the
home, you’ll learn how to raise your ownkids and you’ll gain wisdom and
understanding. But the most important thing is you’ll bring God in on your
situation. God will be your Companion, Guide and Protector. Listen! You’ll
bring goodthings to the land Godhas shared with you. The decisionis yours!
What will you grow on the land God has given you?
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No PerfectFathers
By Johnny L. Sanders
Bible Book:Exodus 20 : 12
Subject: Father's Day; Father; Dads;Parenting
Introduction
I can hear an old neighbor of ours who lived down the road from us on
another farm. Even though he was illiterate, he had a lot of common sense and
he was a goodneighbor. Our church was locatedabout sixty to seventy yards
from his house and since we had no restrooms in the little mission church, it
was not unusual to see a church member walk the short distance down the
road to Lenny’s house, and then go behind it to visit the “out house.” One
Sunday night, a young man started into the church and as he approachedthe
door a friend of mine askedhim for the cigarette he was about to throw away.

191. Benny lookedathim and said, “Son, if I give it to you your daddy will be mad
at me. If I don’t give it to you, you will be mad at me.” So, Benny turned to the
side and thumped the cigarette onto some grass and walkedon into the
building.
My friend, I will call him Billy, pickedup the cigarette up and headedfor
Lenny’s house. It was dark behind his house and there were a couple of small
building, a tractors with implements, and maybe a cottontrailer back there.
His out house was in the middle of all of that. Out house? That’s an outdoor
bathroom, even though I have never heard of anyone taking a bath in one
(unless it was raining really hard and the roof leaked). As soonas Billy left
and headed towardBenny’s house I knew where he was going!He was going
to Lenny’s out house to smoke the cigarette. I turned to my friend Charles
and said, “Let’s go surprise Billy!” Charles liked the idea so we walkedout
there until we were close to the door to the out house and then we slipped up
to the door and when I was right in front of it I slapped the door and yelled as
loud as I could. Mrs. Bertha Jones screamed!If anyone had been checking our
speedthere is no doubt that we would have set the record for approaching
that church.
There were many amusing stories associatedwith that little church, and with
our neighbor. Lenny took a tractor engine to dealershipsome 25 miles away
to have it overhauled, and after the service managertold him it would costa
certain amount per hour and it would take four hours for the job, he took a
seatand watchedthe mechanic. After a while someone calledthat mechanic
and told him he had a phone call. When he started to go to leave the engine
Lenny askedhim where he was going. The mechanic told him he had to take
that phone call. Lenny said, “Thenwrite down your time when you leave and
when you return write it down again. I’m not paying you to talk on the
telephone.” The mechanic stopped for a coffee brake and Lenny said, “Write
down you time. I am not paying you to drink coffee.”Thathappened several
times that day. I am sure that mechanic remembered Lenny for a long time. I
never askedLenny what he thought on the subject of fathers, but I can
imagine what he would sayif I askedhim if he had ever seena perfectfather:
“Theyain’t no such thang as a perfectfather.” And he would be right.

192. The word “father” is found 1,111 times in the Holman Christian Standard
Bible. There are 207 referencesto fathers in the Book ofGenesis alone. The
first personcreatedwas the father of the human race. His name was Adam.
One of the TenCommandments tells us that we must honor our parents (Ex.
20:12). I caught a few minutes of the AFR Radio program on May 21, 2013,
and host Tim Wildmon and his guesthost for the day interviewed a man who
heads up a national ministry to fatherless boys, and a regionaldirector who is
headquartered in Columbia, Mississippi. The national director offeredthe
shocking statistic that there are 12 million fatherless boys in America. There
are twelve million boys living in a home with no father there in the house!
This means single mothers are raising many of the boys in America, or they
are being housed in some facility, like a Children’s Home, or a legaldetention
center. Why are they fatherless? Some are orphans, many more are boys
living in a home without a father. In many cases, there has been a divorce, in
other cases the parents were never married. With all the predators there are
out there today, especiallywhenthere is no father in the home, both boys and
girls are at risk.
This ministry to boys is church based, it is not a para-church movement. They
go to churches and share information and offer suggestions as to what
individual men may do to help reachout to fatherless boys in America. The
men must be faithful members of the church, they are subjected to a
backgroundcheck, and they must have some basic training. One of the guests
told about a man who promised a young boy in a fatherless home that he
would take him hunting the following winter. The young boy lived for that
time, but when the time came the man had obviously forgotten. That seemed
to have influenced these men to get involved in a ministry that would not let
them forgeta promise to a young boy.
Tim Wildmon’s co-hostfor this particular program announced, “I grew up in
a home like that. My father was in prison and there was no man in the home.”
He had no godly man who assumed, with the approval of his mother, a
relationship with him. He said he watchedboys with fathers and he watched
men who seemedto be goodmen in order to learn how to be a man. His story
resonatedwith me because my father was orphaned when he was four years
old. He was rearedby his grandparents, and after the death of his

193. grandfather, his grandmother. At age 12 or 13, he dropped out of schooland
made a living for himself and his grandmother, and at times his sisterand
younger brother, by pulling a cross-cutsaw tenhours a day with grown men.
My father-in-law told me his father was six feet, five inches tall and weighed
two hundred, forty pounds back when a six foot man was called“a giant of a
man.” At age 26 he caughtpneumonia and died. The family doesn’t even
know where he is buried.
I don’t know what my father learned from the men with whom he worked, or
from neighbors and relatives, but by the time I came along, there were certain
convictions he had developed and he was very close to uncompromising in his
convictions. Forone thing, he was honestwith his word and with money or
other possessions, down to the lastcent. He expectedno less from his three
sons and his daughter. For another thing, he was determined that all four of
his children would get a collegeeducation:“You are going to finish high
schooland college. If you want any more after that it is up to you, but you are
going to get a college degree.”It never occurredto us that we would do any
less. He had strong convictions about the things a father should do with his
children. He took me hunting, fishing, and taught me to work. As soonas he
felt that I could handle livestock I had a new chore. My father never abused
us, but we knew he meant what he saidand acceptedno arguments.
My father was one of a diminishing number of farmers who did not farm on
Sunday. One Saturday, a man who lived on our farm came to see him and
said, “I know you don’t work on Sunday and I know you go to church. I don’t
go to church and I don’t see anything wrong with working on Sunday, so why
don’ you let me pick up a tractor and plow out my cottonwhile you are in
church tomorrow?” My father said, “I don’t work on Sunday, my tractors
don’t work on Sunday, and my land is not workedon Sunday.” I don’t know
whether the tenant was impressedor not, but my father made an impression
on me that day.
I often stoodand listened to my father when he talkedwith a neighbor or
friend. I watchedhim to things that translated into lessons aboutcharacter
and integrity to me. A man came to our house to see my father and me one
time when I was home from seminary. The neighbor said a man had given his

194. niece a present and huggedher, and that his brother, the young girls’ father
was angry. Actually, he said, “He is fightin’ mad!” He wanted my father and
me to be there when they got togetherat the church. He thought I might be a
calming influence on his brother. I didn’t want to go but they assuredme that
my presence couldhelp keepthe peace. We attended the meeting, as
uncomfortable as it was for me, and as my father and I drove home I said,
“Daddy, I will help you with anything I can when I came home, but don’t ever
ask me to go through anything like that again.” After reflecting for a few
minutes, my father said, “Son, if a man cannot resistthe temptation of a
young girl like that he is not much of a man.” He was right. He was not
perfect, but he was my father.
When I was about thirteen or fourteen, I came in and told my father
something my History teacherand coachsaid. I have no idea what it was now
as I look back, but I remember being impressed, and I remember that my
father was not impressed. I said, “Oh, yes, sir!" My father said, “I still don’t
believe it.” We went through two or three rounds of this and finally, my father
lookedup from something he was working on and pointed his finger in my
face and said, “Boy, you don’t argue with me!” I said, “Yes, Sir.” I don’t’
remember what the subject was, nor do I know whether my coachor my
father was right, but I do now that my father was right not to let me argue
with him. I thank the Lord for the privilege of growing up with Joe B.
Sanders. When I wrote my commentary on Philippians, UNDEFEATED:
Finding Peace ina Word Full of Trouble, I dedicatedit to him.
I would like for us to look to the Bible to see that there are no perfectfathers.
I. THERE ARE MANY UNGODLY FATHERS IN THE BIBLE.
A. There Is Godless Esau.
What do we know about Esau? Whateverit is, we learn it from the Book of
Genesis. The Lord blessedAbraham and Sarah with a miracle child in their
old age and they named him Isaac. Isaac wasblessedwith a wife, Rebekah,
whom the Lord provided in response to Abraham’s quest for a wife for his
son. Rebekahwas the daughter of Bethuel and sisterof Laban of Paddan-

195. aram, about whom we may read as we continue in Genesis. Rebekahwas
childless for twenty years and:
“Isaac prayedto the Lord on behalf of his wife because she was childless. The
Lord heard his prayer, and his wife Rebekahconceived. (22)But the children
inside her struggledwith eachother, and she said, “Why is this happening to
me?” So she went to inquire of the Lord. (23) And the Lord said to her: Two
nations are in your womb; two people will ⌊come⌋ from you and be
separated. One people will be strongerthan the other, and the older will serve
the younger.” (Gen 25:21-23, HCSB).
Isaac favoredEsauand RebekahfavoredJacob, whichmust have been a
factorin the tension betweenthe twin brothers. In time Jacobcommitted
himself to the Lord, whereas EsaurejectedHim. The Genesis recordtells us
that “When Esauwas 40 years old, he took as his wives Judith daughter of
Beerithe Hittite, and Basemathdaughter of Elon the Hittite. They made life
bitter for Isaac and Rebekah.”(Gen26:34-35, HCSB)Esauwas the founder of
the nation of Edom, which nation was constantly at war with Jacob’s
descendants, the Israelites.
B. There Is the Godless Jeroboam.
Jeroboamwas a very capable man and Solomonappointed him over his entire
labor force (1 Kings 11:28). In time, he rebelled againstSolomonand fled to
Egypt. The prophet Ahijah tore his new cloak into twelve pieces and told
Jeroboamto choose tenpieces, whichhe Ahijah interpreted as meaning
Jeroboamwould be king over ten tribes (1 Kings 11)
After the death of Solomon, Rehoboambecame king and people brought
Jeroboamback to see if he could get the son of Solomonto back off is father’s
strict, demanding labor policies. Rehoboamrefusedand Jeroboamled ten of
the twelve tribes in a revolt againstRehoboam. The Ten Tribes assumedthe
name Israel, leaving Judah and Benjamin to make up the kingdom of Judah.
The first thing Jeroboamdid as king was to set up a new type of worship to
keepthe ten tribes from going to the temple in Jerusalemto worship.
Jeroboamwas an evil king and all the godless, evil, idolatrous kings who
followedhim were comparedto him. Not very flattering, was it?

196. C. There Is Godless Ahab.
Ahab epitomizes evil, especiallyevil power at the head of a nation. The late R.
G. Lee painted, in his famous sermon, Pay Day Some Day, described Ahab as
a toad squatted on the throne of Israel, and QueenJezebelas an adder coiled
by the throne. They spread Baalworship, and blood across Israel,but that is
not all. They had a daughter, Athaliah, who became an especiallyevil queen
over Judah. She learned her evil ways at the feet of her evil parents.
D. There Is Godless Manasseh.
Can you believe that one of the most godly kings Israelwould ever have was
the father of one of her most evil kings? Manasseh, the son of Hezekiah, was
King of Judah (696-642B.C.), thelongestreignking in Judah’s history. “He
made his sonpass through the fire, practiced witchcraftand divination, and
consultedmediums and spiritists. He did a great amount of evil in the Lord’s
sight, provoking Him” (2 Kings 21:6). Picture a father throwing his own son
into a fire built for that purpose in the abdomen of a statue of the idol
Moloch?
II. THERE ARE SOME GODLY FATHERS IN THE BIBLE.
A. There Is the Godly Adam.
You may be surprised that I would start with Adam. After all, he was the one
whose sin brought abut the Fallthat is still having a horrible impact on the
human race. We do know that Adam was a brilliant man, a husband, who for
some time walked, with his wife Eve, in fellowship with the Lord in the
Garden of Eden. Everything changedafter the Fall, but we are not told what
kind of father he was. He was the first father to grieve for a sonwho had been
murdered. In fact, he grieved for two sons:Abel who was murdered and
Caan, his murderer. He also saw his son Seth assume his role in the plan of
the Lord for the human race, especiallyfor those who would recognize the
Lord.
B. There Is the Godly Enoch.

197. What do I know about Enoch? Why would I list him? Name someone else
about whom you canread something like this: “Enochwas 65 years old when
he fathered Methuselah. (22) And after the birth of Methuselah, Enoch
walkedwith God 300 years and fathered ⌊other⌋ sons and daughters. (23) So
Enoch’s life lasted365 years. (24)Enoch walkedwith God; then he was not
there because Godtook him” (Gen 5:21-24). Like the prophet Elijah, Enoch
was simply translated from life on earth to life in heaven. He never died
physically. That is amazing. I once heard an old Bible quiz in which someone
asked, “Who was the oldestperson who everlived, even though he died before
his father?” Methuselah’s father never died! I would assume that if Enoch
had not been a godly father the Lord would not have takenhim on to heaven
without his having to die first.
C. There Is the Godly Abraham.
Abraham. The Father of the Faithful. What a legacy!How many men are
better known today, four thousand years after he obeyed the voice of the Lord
and left his home in Ur of the Chaldees to go to a PromisedLand? His name is
mentioned 272 times in the Bible. Two thousand years after his life, Paul
would be writing about Abraham’s faith (Rom. 4). In Genesis 12, we have the
Abrahamic Covenant, which promised Abraham a greatname, the Promised
Land for his descendants, more descendants than one can count, and a Seed
who would bless all nations, and that Seedis Jesus. Abraham and Sarah were
promised a son and they were blessedwith Isaac. Moseswouldintroduce
Pharaohto the God of Israelas the God of Abraham, Isaac, andJacob. He
was an amazing man, father, and leader.
He is still remembered as the Father of the faithful. The Lord tested his faith
when he told him to sacrifice his son Isaac onan altar. Abraham simply
obeyed the Lord, believing He would fulfill all his promises, even if it mean
the death of Isaac. The Lord stopped the sacrifice when it became obvious
that Abraham was obedient to His commands. We read in the New Testament
that when Abraham took Isaac up from the altar it was a prophetic promise
that one day the Lord would place his only begottenson on the cross where He
would die, but after His death He would be raisedfrom from the dead by the
heavenly Father.

198. D. There Is the Godly Isaac.
The sonof Abraham and Rebekahwas a godly man, a quiet man whom some
picture as a man who spent time with the Lord in meditation and prayer. The
sad thing in his life was that both he and his wife practiced favoritism. Isaac
favored Esauand RebekahfavoredJacob. I will still list Isaac with the godly
fathers. I believe we have grounds for that.
E. There Is the Godly David.
All you have to do is read the Psalms ofDavid to get a picture of the depth of
David. Then, when we read the Davidic Covenant(2 Sam 7) and realize that
the Messiahwouldbe a descendantof David, you know he was a special
person. The Lord declaredthat there was no one like David: “ForDavid did
what was right in the Lord’s eyes, and he did not turn aside from anything He
had commanded him all the days of his life, exceptin the matter of Uriah the
Hittite.” (1 Kings 15:5)
Picture David weeping for his son Absalom. Picture David weeping for the
baby born to Bathsheba, but remember what he saidafter the baby died and
he prepared to eat: he cannot come to me but I can go to him. I wonder how
many times that Scripture has been read at the funeral of a baby or small
child. Here is anther thing to remember about David: all the kings of Judah
were compared to David.
“Abijam walkedin all the sins his father before him had committed, and he
was not completely devoted to the Lord his God as his ancestorDavid had
been. (1 Kings 15:3)
Of Amaziah we read: “He did what was right in the Lord’s sight, but not like
his ancestorDavid.” (2 Kings 14:3)
Of Josiah, it is written: “He did what was right in the Lord’s sight and walked
in all the ways of his ancestorDavid; he did not turn to the right or the left.”
(2 Kings 22:2) The same was saidof Hezekiah.
III. THERE ARE NO PERFECTFATHERS IN THE BIBLE.
A. There Is the Imperfect Jacob.

199. Jacobwas a man of God, but it took him a while to getto the point that the
Lord could use him. What I would like to mention today is that Jacob
(trickster), whose name was changedto Israel(prince with God). The negative
side was the favoritism, a failure he must have learned from his mother and
father. That favoritism led ten of his sons to resentJosephand eventually sell
him into slavery. One of the greatestdays in Jacob’s life must have been the
day he was reunited with Joseph. Josephaskedhis father to bless his own
sons.
B. There Is the Imperfect Eli
Eli was a man of God, a priest in Israel, a mentor for Samuel, a pivotal figure
in the history of Israeland a remarkable man himself. Ely had one major
failing. He did not control his own sons, and he and his whole line were
rejectedby the Lord from that time forward. He was a goodman, but not a
goodfather.
C. There is the Imperfect Samuel.
Samuel grew up in the home of Eli, watchedEli’s sons Hophni and Phinehas,
violate the altar of God, abuse worshipers, and profane the worship of God.
He saw all of that, but saw his own sons stray awayfrom the Lord. Samuel
was one of the spiritual giants of the Old Testaments. I am convinced that
Josephand Samuel manifested the spirit and characterofa New Testament
saints more than most anyone of whom we read in the Old Testament. Yet, he
was so busy with God’s people that he neglectedhis own sons. A busy pastor
has better be busy with his own children or they may see something like that.
D. There Is the Imperfect Solomon.
No king ever got off to a better start than King Solomon, whose father David
made sure he was anointed king in his place, after his death. The Lord gave
the young king an opportunity to make a request of Him and rather than
asking for money and power, Solomonaskedfor wisdom to rule the Lord’s
people. The Lord granted his requestand both his wisdom and his wealth
were spokenof through out the known world. His marriages and his
compromises had a devastating effecton his nation, and on his son. Becauseof

200. the arroganceand foolishness ofhis son Rehoboam, the kingdom was divided
and Jeroboambecame king of ten of the twelve tribes of Israel.
CONCLUSION
The number of children growing up in a home without a father is increasing
and future generations are going to pay a price for it. Boys need a godly
father, and if there is no godly father in the home, he needs a male influence
and when there is no one to fill that need there is a goodpossibility that he will
fill it with someone who may not be a Christian. When that happens he may
be hard to persuade to commit himself to the Lord.
One of the guests interviewedby Tim Wildmon and his co-hoston the AFR
radio program I mentioned earlier, explained that when a man volunteers to
reachout to a fatherless boy he will cultivate a relationship with him, often
taking him fishing or hunting, or to a ball game. When the boy comes to trust
the man there will come a time when the friend cansay, “Billy, you are going
to have to forgive your father for abandoning you and your mother.” To
which, the boy may well say, “There is no wayI will ever forgive him!” That
will be a goodtime for the man to say, “You know, Billy, if you don’t forgive
your father your Heavenly Fatheris not going to forgive you.” He may then
share the messageofsalvationwith the boy. Many are savedwhen they hear
the Gospelpresentedby a godly man who loves the Lord and loves his young
friend.
There are many more fathers in the Bible from whom we may learn valuable
lessons. There are the Godly fathers like Job, Abel, Seth, Lot, Joshua, Moses,
Joseph, Gideon, Isaiah, Hezekiah, Josiahand Joseph, the carpenter of
Nazareth. There are the ungodly fathers like Cain, Esau, Saul, Ahaz, and
Herod the Great. There are also some imperfect fathers like Nimrod, Aaron,
and various prophets, kings, and priests. No one is perfect, but some are very
effective while others do a lot of damage to young boys. Some boys live in
homes with fathers who are addicted to pornography, some to alcohol, some
to drugs, some are given to violence, and many seek to do goodthings and feel
they are doing a greatjob. However, if a father does not teachhis children
about their need to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ to receive eternallife, he

201. fails his children, no matter how well he motivates them to succeed, where he
sends them to school, orhow much money he leaves them.
Years ago, somewhere in Texas, I walkedinto my health club, and even
though I was usedto hearing some profanity and some obscene words, I heard
something that day that one does not normally hear. I walkedright through
the middle of a group of goodole boys, eachof whom seemedto be trying to
out do his buddies with tales of their romantic conquests. One of the managers
broke in and said, “I have a little girl out there somewhere!” I forgeta good
part of everything I hear, but I have never forgotten those words. Within a
short time of that experience, I had finished a workoutand swim, takena
shower, and had gone into the dressing room to dress. Suddenly, I heard a
man shout out from the showers, using God’s name in vain. The waterwas
cold and he seemedto want everyone in Texas to know he was not happy. He
was a body builder and he had a goodpersonality, so he receiveda lot of
attention at the health club.
I waited prayerfully for my acquaintance to come into the dressing room.
Should I mention it to him? If so, what should I say? How might I expect him
to react? Before I had a clearanswer, he came into the dressing room. I said,
“Jim, I believe I heard you mention the name of someone who means a lot to
me a few minutes ago.” Jim asked, “Really? Who was it?” I said, “I believe
you have knownme long enough to know that I am not a wise guy, but I
thought I heard you call God’s name back there, and I am not trying to be
critical, but if you had used my mother’s name like that it would hurt me. And
when you use the Lord’ name like that it hurts me.”
This man was friendly enough, but as I said, he was a body builder, and he
lookedthe part. I had a feeling that he could be confrontationalwith a little
encouragement. Instead, he said, “I am so sorry. I know it is wrong and I am
sorry.” There are a lot of boys out there who grow up around men who use
profanity and tell dirty jokes, drink, and hang out in bars. Some are bullies
and others are arrogantand love to advertise their manhood. A godly example
will mean a lot to young boys.

202. Father, from the depth of my heart I would like to urge you to do everything
you canto see that your children come to know the Lord Jesus Christ as
Savior and Lord. It really is simple if you start when they are young, and if
you live the Gospelbefore them: “ForGod so loved the world that He gave
His only begottenSon, that whoeverbelieves in Him should not perish but
have everlasting life.”
(John 3:16, NKJV).
Father, if you would be the kind of father God expects you to be, remember
these inspired words from Solomon:“Teacha youth about the way he should
go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Prov 22:6)
PHIL NEWTON
Family Foundation
Exodus 20:12
May 28, 2006
Greek mythology recounts the story of the Greek frustration to
capture the city of Troy, and the beautiful prisoner Helen, because they could
not breachthe city's walls. The goddess Athene inspired one of the Greek's to
build a giant woodenhorse with a cavernous belly, so that soldiers might gain
hidden entrance to the city. To carry out the ruse effectively, the Grecian
ships with their troops sailedfrom the coast, as thoughgiving up on again
attacking Troy. They set fire to their campsite, leaving behind only ashes and
a giant woodenhorse. When the citizens of Troy investigated, they saw no
trace of the Grecianarmy but only the giant woodenhorse. The sight of the
giant horse by the seacoastleft them in silent amazement. Finally, the silence
broke, when Thymoetes declaredthe horse to be a gift to Athene. A few
dissenting voices warnedthat it was a trick, that Athene had long favored the

203. Greeks. So the horse must be burned! But warnings faded by the
persuasivenessofits supporters. Additionally, the Greeks had planted Sinon,
one of their own, who deceived the leaders of Troy by explaining that the
woodenhorse was left behind to placate the angry Athene. Asked why so large
of a horse, Sinon replied, "To prevent you from bringing it into the city."
Once that happened, he continued, the people of Troy would be able to
conquer the Greeks.
They bought the lie. Bringing the horse into the city, the people of Troy
exhausted themselves in a night of revelry and celebration. Overcome by the
thought of new powerand freedom, they let down their guard and castcare to
the wind. Ignoring the warnings of accepting the gift of the Greeks leftthem
vulnerable to destruction from within. The Greeks conqueredTroy, reclaimed
Helen, and destroyedthe city. In the succeeding ages, the Trojan horse has
become a metaphor for self-deceitleading to destruction from within [The
Greek Myths, vol. II, 617-635].
A Trojan horse crept into our societyin the 1960s in the form of
a revolution calling for love and peace. Of course, the meaning of "love and
peace" hadnothing to do with love and peace!It had to do with overturning
authority at every level and removing all moral restraints. One of those
heavily involved in it described that period as "the generationthat destroyed
the American family." She explained the Trojan horse effect. "We might not
have been able to tear down the state, but the family was closer. We could get
our hands on it. And...we believed that the family was the foundation of the
state, as well as the collective state ofmind.... We truly believed that the family
had to be torn apart to free love, which alone could heal the damage done
when the atom was split to release energy. And the first step was to tear
ourselves free from our parents" [Annie Gottlieb, quoted by Philip Ryken,
Written in Stone, 117]. The leaders ofthis movement understood that to
overturn society, the family must be destroyed. Bit by bit, piece by piece, the
family erosioncontinues.
The authority structures in societysucceedor fail by what happens in
the home. Taking a look at the westernworld, we see that the home faces
constantbombardment from every angle. Yet, God calls us to honor Him

204. through honoring His design for the home as the basic building block for
society. How do we honor Godin the home?
I. Heavy life
We use the term "heavy" metaphorically in describing something that
is weighty or important or serious;something worth our undivided attention
and response. In this sense, we are to see the home as a heavy life. The Lord
calls for a sense of "heaviness"in the home, i.e., that we understand the
gravity of the relationships and responsibilities designedby the Creatorfor
the home. That's what is involved in the term "honor" and implied in this
commandment.
1. Basics
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be
prolonged in the land which the Lord your Godgives you." The Hebrew word
kavedcarries the basic meaning of "weighty" or "heavy." It's the same word
that is used over and over in the Old Testamentfor the glory of God, that is
"for the weightiness of his divine majesty" [Ryken 119]. How do we respond
to the glory of God? The Old Testamentpriests prostrated themselves before
God's glory. Elijah hid his face from the sight of God's glory. Isaiahcalled
down woes upon himself at the consciousnessofGod's holiness and glory. In
eachcase, the heaviness of the moment brought about a response that
acknowledgedthe unique authority of the Lord God over men.
While the honor given to parents is not comparable to that given to the
Lord, it is at leastrepresentedto us by degrees. To honor father and mother is
"to respect, esteem, value, and prize" them "as gifts from God" [Ryken 119].
They are not treated as God but rather as His gifts to the home.
The foundational relationship in the home is also spelledout for us in
this commandment: "honor your father and your mother." Specifically, both
father and mother, male and female, are needed to rightly lead and nurture
the home. Of course, the home is under regular attack by those declaring that
two men or two womenare just as capable to give the physical, mental,
emotional, and spiritual nurturing to children in the home as a husband and

205. his wife. Yet in this most basic foundation for all moral considerations, the one
commandment that directly affects the parent/child relationship makes it
clearthat complimentary roles of father and mother are necessaryin the
home. That is why divorce among parents leaves sucha heavy toll among
children. It gives absolutely no place for the so-calledhomosexualmarriage to
provide stability in the home. God has so designed us in our infancy,
childhood, and adolescence, that we need the regularinfluence of our father
and mother. Where this is lacking, as countless sociologicalandpsychological
researchhas proven, instability, and problems of every stripe reign. In God's
kindness, where by His providence the death of a parent has takenplace, then
He becomes a father to the fatherless.
2. Branches ofhonor
Let's considerthe idea of honoring father and mother, and what that
entails. Though more can be added, I want to deal with this in three
categories:respect, obedience, andcare.
(1) Respect
Foundational to honoring our parents is the respectthat we show to
them privately and publicly. Respectis an attitude, but it is not necessarilya
silent attitude. It involves attentiveness when your parents speak, listening to
them to discern the wisdom and insights that they offer, and hearing their
instructions about life. Unless something comes along on the part of the parent
to uproot respect, from an early age, children have an innate sense ofrespect
toward their parents. Their love for and dependence upon their parents
nurtures respect. Yet something may come along changing this. It may be on
the part of the parents, such as moral failure or a divorce or bitterness taking
root in their lives. It can also happen on the part of the child, in that his
fondness for his parents is replacedby his intense desire for the things of the
world. When that happens, the child becomes embittered because the parent
appears to be the one obstacle standing in his way to really enjoying all that
life offers.
But God calls for us to honor our father and mother. In so doing, we
receive instruction from them with a consciousness thatthey are a gift of God

206. to us. That doesn't mean that your parents speak without error; or that they
are always correctin their assessments oflife's situations. But it does mean
that in God's wisdom and providence in His designfor your life, He has
entrusted you to your parents so that they might be instruments for shaping
your characterand your future. I think Brian Edwards is correctwhen
speaking ofhow difficult things canbe at times with sinful parents and
children. "And it is just because the home is the hardest place to maintain
consistentrespectfor eachother that God places the markerthere. This value
and respect should begin in the home because that is the hardest place of all to
maintain it consistently" [The Ten Commandments for Today, 165]. Even
when parents are less than respectable, we are calledto honor them. We do
not have to be like them; but we can still honor them by the way we speak to
them, the way we listen to them, and the way we speak of them to others. As
we grow older, respectis found in the way we seek their counselin life's
important decisions and the appreciation we show them.
(2) Obedience
Since parents are the first line of instruction, honoring them calls for
obedience to their authority in the home. Paul put it, "Children, obey your
parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Eph. 6:1). Obedience recognizesGod-
given authority and submits to it "in the Lord" or for the Lord's sake. It's
interesting the way the mind works. Usually when this commandment is
presented, our first reactionis, "But what if my parents tell me to do
something that is wrong?" The exceptionto obedience towardparents is
topped only by our obedience to higher authority, namely, in this case, the
authority of the Lord and when in concertwith God's laws, the authority of
the state. Yet, how often do parents, even those that are pretty lousy at their
job, tell their children to do things that are wrong? I know that it happens,
but certainly not most of the time, and especiallyamong those that are
schooledin the Word of God, it should be the rare exceptionthat a child needs
to question the parents' command. So, honoring your parents implies your
obedience.
(3) Care

207. While younger children candemonstrate honor to their parents by
helping them around the home, offering to assistin the constant demands
involved in keeping up a household, it seems that with aging, honor shifts
focus to that of caring for parents. Instead of looking to parents for nurturing,
the children, now grown and probably having their own families, must
considerhow to care for their parents as they mature in years. Care canbe
shown by paying attention to parents, calling them, visiting them, and giving
them eye-to-eye contact. The way we treat our parents will likely be the way
that our children will treat us as we age. JoyDavidman recounts one of
Grimm's fairy tales as a piercing illustration.
Once upon a time there was a little old man. His eyes blinked and his
hands trembled; when he ate he clattered the silverware distressingly, missed
his mouth with the spoonas often as not, and dribbled a bit of his food on the
tablecloth. Now he lived with his married son, having nowhere else to live, and
his son's wife was a modern young womanwho knew that in-laws should not
be tolerated in a woman's home.
"I can't have this," she said. "It interferes with a woman's right to
happiness."
So she and her husband took the little old man gently but firmly by the
arm and led him to the cornerof the kitchen. There they sethim on a stool
and gave him his food, what there was of it, in an earthenware bowl. From
then on he always ate in the corner, blinking at the table with wistful eyes.
One day his hands trembled rather more than usual, and the earthenware
bowl fell and broke.
"If you are a pig," said the daughter-in-law, "you must eatout of a
trough." So they made him a little woodentrough, and he got his meals in
that.
These people had a four-year-old son of whom they were very fond. One
suppertime the young man noticed his boy playing intently with some bits of
woodand askedwhathe was doing.

208. "I'm making a trough," he said, smiling up for approval, "to feed you and
Mamma out of when I get big."
The man and his wife lookedateachother for a while and didn't say
anything. Then they cried a little. Then they went to the cornerand took the
little old man by the arm and led him back to the table. They sat him in a
comfortable chair and gave him his food on a plate, and from then on nobody
ever scoldedwhen he clatteredor spilled or broke things [Smoke on the
Mountain, 60-61].
3. Honorable parents
This commandment also speaks to parents. It is not a club to wave over
a child's head, demanding his total submission. It is the Lord God that has
spoken, calling for obedience and honor toward parents, and with that, the
call for parents to be honorable. That begins by recognizing eachchild's
uniqueness as a gift from God. One of the common problems with many of the
parenting books is a "one-size-fits-all" approachto parenting. While there are
ample principles that we find in Scripture regarding our role as parents, we
must pay specialattention to the unique personality, gifts, deficiencies,
strengths and leanings of eachchild. The Amplified Bible's translation of
Proverbs 22:6 is helpful. "Trainup a child in the way he should go [and in
keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart
from it." It's not that we try to relive our desires through the child but that we
pay enough attention to see how God is uniquely working in that particular
child. Where does that child need to develop? How canwe, as parents, help to
shape the child's thinking, interests, and discipline? This may be the hardest
work that we face as parents. It involves interaction with our children and
often, the willingness to risk being misunderstood by them, and maybe even
our own parents, in order to give them the best direction for their lives.
Honorable parents do not attempt to be their child's best friend but
continue being his parent. Parents are the primary models for their children.
That involves modeling how to live the Christian life, faithfulness as husband
and wife, integrity and work ethic, teachability, servant-heartedness,and
respecting authority. It also means that parents must setthe example of

209. developing mind and heart, giving attention to improving thinking skills,
wrestling with the important issues of the day, standing upon the eternal
truths of the Word of God, and growing in relationships. "If we wish our
children to honor us," as Joy Davidman explained, "we must ourselves setthe
example of honor" [68].
II. Promising life
Paul calls the 5th commandment, "the first commandment with a
promise" (Eph. 6:2). He compressesboth the Exodus and Deuteronomy
statements. "Honoryour father and mother... so that it may be well with you,
and that you may live long on the earth."
1. Generalpromise
What is given is not an absolute that guarantees thatyou will live to be
in your nineties! Rather it is a generalpromise that affects you and the society
in which you live. Forthe Israelites just out of Egypt, God's promise, "that
your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you,"
spoke volumes. They did not have their own land, exceptthat which the Lord
had given to them. How long they would remain in the land would be affected
by the obedience and honor in their homes. The way of blessing is the wayof
obedience;that's what Israelneeded to understand as they prepared for the
new land. And that is still true for us.
Perhaps we see this best in the Proverbs as we have the wise father
giving counselto his son. "My son, do not forgetmy teaching, but let your
heart keepmy commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace
they will add to you" (3:1-2). This passageillustrates whatis found
throughout the Proverbs, that listening to and applying the wisdom of your
parents will have an affecton the duration and quality of your life. Walking in
the wayof deceivers oradulterers or thieves or partnering with the foolish
lead to broken lives, and often to death. The way of wisdom is always the way
of righteousness that affects everyaspectof your life.
2. No trivial issue

210. Honoring parents was never considereda small thing in ancient Israel.
The Old Testamentgives its sternestwarnings for children that disregard
their parents and choose to go their own ways. As Brian Edwards explained,
"With all the concernwe have today, and rightly so, about child abuse, we are
in danger of forgetting that God's first concernwas for the abuse of parents
by children" [167]. The civil law in Israel remedied the problem. "He who
strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death" (Ex. 21:15). "He
who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death" (Ex. 21:17).
"If there is anyone who curses his father or his mother, he shall surely be put
to death; he has cursedhis father or his mother, his bloodguiltiness is upon
him" (Lev. 20:9). "If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not
obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even
listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out
to the elders of his city at the gatewayof his hometown. They shall sayto the
elders of his city, 'This sonof ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey
us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall stone him
to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israelwill hear
of it and fear" [Deut. 21:18-21). Notice that the son's disobedience affectednot
only the family but the entire community, so that all are involved in removing
him. Though we don't have any New Testamentprecedentfor carrying out
this kind of sobering discipline, we do understand by this that God considers a
child's treatment of his parents as no trivial matter.
The New Testamentfurthers this by showing that disobedience in the
home is a sure sign of society's depravity. The downward spiral of
degenerationpainted in Romans one includes those who are "slanderers,
haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to
parents" (Rom. 1:30). Paul warned that in the last times "men will
be...disobedientto parents" (2 Tim. 3:2). Jesus reservedsome of His strongest
rebukes to the religious leaders of Israelthat neglectedhonoring father and
mother by cleverclaims of spirituality. He called them hypocrites that honor
God with their lips but "their heart is far awayfrom Me" (Matt. 15:1-9). In
all of Scripture, honoring your father and your mother is always weighty to
God who establishedthis authority in the home.
III. Authority is a goodword

211. Honor and authority do not stop with the home. It begins there in the
earliestyears, but it spreads out into all of society. Students of Scripture,
confessions, catechisms,and commentators through the centuries agree that
the 5th commandment serves as the foundation for understanding the right
place of God-given authority in every realm of life, whether home, church,
school, work, orstate. That's why the implications of the 5th commandment
remain essentialto the entire framework of our lives.
1. Structures of authority
God has so createdus and so ordered humanity that we must recognize
authority or fall prey to ourselves and the sinful world about us. Anarchy is
bound up in the human heart so that we find ourselves balking at submitting
our wills to law in the home or community. God-givenauthority restrains evil.
It maintains civility and promotes proper freedom. Yet the native inclinations
of the heart resistand argue with submitting to anyone. Ultimately, that's why
it is only as our hearts are subdued by Jesus Christthe Lord that we find
freedom in properly responding to authority. As we are crucified with Christ,
our sinful desires dying with Him, and the reins of our hearts given overto
Christ as Lord, then we find an incredible freedom within God-given
authority.
Tedd Tripp has captured the right aim for parental authority in the
home in Shepherding a Child's Heart. The title of his excellentbook
summarizes what parents must seek to do: "You exercise authority as God's
agent. You may not direct your children for your own agenda or convenience.
You must direct your children in God's behalf for their good....Thepurpose
for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your
power, but to empowerthem to be self-controlledpeople living freely under
the authority of God" [13-14].
Even in a Roman world ruled by godless men, Paul and Petercalled
upon Christians and all men "to be in subjection to the governing authorities.
For there is no authority exceptfrom God, and those which exist are
establishedby God" (Rom. 13:1; 1 Pet. 2:13-17). Yet if one does not bend his
will to parental authority in the home, it is not likely that he will do the same

212. in the broadening circles of authority found throughout society. Here is one of
the most practicalmatters that any child or young person canlearn. By God's
design, as you honor your parents with respectand obedience, you are being
trained and prepared to value authority throughout your life. Even when
obedience is difficult, you are learning to discipline yourself rather than to
indulge in your sinful desires. That will staywith you later in life.
2. Getting overthe hump
Let me address our children as I conclude. Beside loving and obeying
the Lord, the most important practice in your life is honoring your parents.
Sometime that's hard to do because you just don't want to or because your
parents' desires and your desires don't match. So, what do you do? Even with
their faults—and every parent has them—God has put your parents in
authority over you for your good. You may have difficulty at times realizing
this but it is important to believe what God has spoken.
My family used to have an old barn with rooms along the hallway. One
room had a lock on it. I used to put my eye to the slits in the wall and try to
figure out what treasures lay hidden in the room. I could see pieces of rusted
metal, rounded objects, and wires but I really couldn't see the whole picture
until the day came that the door was openedand I walkedin. Some of the
things that I thought might be valuable were nothing but junk! Other things,
that I had not noticed, proved to be treasures from my family's past.
Right now you are looking through the slits of life. There are things
that intrigue and interestyou but you do not see the whole picture clearly.
Some of the things that intrigue you may be opportunities; some are dangers;
some are junk. But until the door is opened by the maturity of years, you will
only see bits and pieces, not knowing what are opportunities and what are
dangers. God has given your parents the maturity to see life more clearly. So
when they make demands on you, they are doing what God has entrusted
them to do for you until the time comes that the door of adulthood opens, and
you see clearlyand are able to make wise choices.
Meanwhile, honor your father and your mother that it may go well
with you.

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RAY PRITCHARD
ForeverChildren
Exodus 20:12
We have two problems with this Commandment, and perhaps a third:
1. Many of us have negative memories associatedwith this Commandment.
2. It seems to be meant mostly for children.
3. It seems to describe a family situation many of us never experienced.
The lastone is the kicker. How do you obey this Commandment …

214. —If you are from a broken home?
—If your parents abusedyou?
—If you are adopted?
—If you and your parents don’t get along?
—If you don’t even know who your parents are?
—If your parents are dead?
These are difficult questions that reflect very realconcerns and much
personalpain. On one level the Fifth Commandment appears to apply mostly
to families that resemble Leave It To Beaveror Ozzie and Harriet. It doesn’t
seemto fit the dysfunctional families of the 90s.
Yet the Commandment stands and has not been repealed.
As we jump into this discussion, let’s begin with two crucialobservations:
1. Since this Commandment comes from God, there must be a way to obey it
no matter how difficult or painful it may be.
2. Since God has our best interests at heart, obedience must be in our own best
interest.
It is in that spirit that we approachthe Fifth Commandment.
I. The Basic Command

215. The words are very simple: “Honoryour father and your mother.” Nothing
tricky there. The key word is “honor.” The Hebrew word is kabod, which
means “to be heavy.” The basic sense is “to treat someone with respect
because they carry a heavy weight of authority. Sometimes we speak of
certain dignitaries as being “heavyweights.”That’s exactlythe sense ofthe
Hebrew. It means to treat your parents as VIPs because they carry a heavy
weight of authority. To “honor” means to treat with dignity, respectand
deference.
You are to honor your parents because ofthe heaviness oftheir position. You
are to treat them with respectbecause oftheir position as parents over you. In
society, your parents may have little or no authority and they may be
considered“lightweights” by the world. But your parents bear a special
relationship to you. You “honor” them when you recognize that special
relationship.
Note please. This Commandment to “honor” is in force wholly apart from the
way your parents perform. You may have had lousy parents; unfortunately
many children grow up with parents who are absent, or abusive, or unkind, or
cruel. Your parents may have split up when you were very young. One or
both of your parents may have had a drinking problem. Any of those facts will
obviously affect your relationship with your parents but (and this is a huge
but) … your parents’ failure to be all they should have been does not excuse
you from obey-ing the Fifth Commandment.
—It does not say “Honor your parents if they were honorable.”
—It does not say “Honor your parents if they deservedit.”
—It does not say “Honor your parents if they treatedyou right.”
The Fifth Commandment says, “Honoryour father and mother.” Period.
The way your parents performed will certainly affectyour relationship with
them and it will certainly affectthe way you obey this Commandment and the

216. motivation you bring to the task. But it does not affect the central reality that
you must obey it whether they were goodparents or not!
Plato and the Rabbis
In William Barclay’s treatment of the Fifth Commandment, he discusses how
the ancientGreeks felt about the duty of children toward their parents. Plato,
for instance, writes that the honor due to parents was secondonly to the honor
due the gods:
Every honest man, he says, pays his debts, and there is no debt so primary, so
essentialand so universal as the debt which every child owes to every parent
for the love and the care which gave him life, and which preservedhis life. (p.
51)
Plato goes on: “And throughout all his life a man must diligently observe
reverence of speechtowardhis parents above all things … Wherefore the son
must yield to his parents when they are wroth, and, when they give rein to
their wrath either by word or by deed, he must pardon them, seeing that it is
most natural for a father to be specially wroth when he deems that he is
wrongedby his own son. The son should see that his parents are fittingly
buried when they die and he should forever cherishthe memory of them.” (p.
51)
The Jewishrabbis taught the same thing. Barclayquotes a rabbinic passage
on this subject:
“In what does reverence for a father consist? In not sitting in his presence,
and in not speak-ing in his presence, andin not contradicting him. Of what
does honor for parents consist? In providing foodand drink for them, in
helping them enter or leave the house.” Rabbi Eliezer said, “Even if a father
ordered him to throw a purse of gold into the sea, the son should obey him.”
(p. 53)
“Dr. Pritchard’s Son”

217. Behind this Commandment is a greatreality: A specialrelationship exists
betweenthe parent and the child, a relationship that is not shared with
anyone else. Oftenwhen I am speaking to one of my boys I will use the word
“Son.” I do it without thinking or premeditation because my Dad calledme
“Son.” I have three children and they all have their own names, but when I
am speaking affectionatelyto them I won’t say “Joshua”or“Mark” or
“Nicholas.” I’ll simply say“Son.”
In the small town in Alabama where I grew up my father was a well-known
and greatlyloved physician. There were four of us Pritchard boys who grew
up in that small town. Outside of our circle of friends, we were knownas “Dr.
Pritchard’s sons.” In those days, that meant a certain responsibility was laid
on our shoulders. We had to live up to the goodname our father had
established. And we knew—boy, did we know!—that if we ever got into
trouble our misbehavior would reflect badly on our father.
My father has been dead for 18 years. But when I go back to visit that small
town, someone always recognizesme as “Dr. Pritchard’s son.” Such is the
powerof a goodname; such is the enduring relationship that lasts long after a
father has died. And to be truthful, the sweetest, mostwonderful compliment
anyone canever pay to me is to say, “You father would be proud of you.” The
thought of that brings tears to my eyes even as I write these words.
I am still my father’s sonthough he is dead and gone. I will always be my
father’s son. That relationship will never change and the burden to honor his
name will never be lifted from my shoulders. It is a heavy burden, but a sweet
one, and I would never want to be freed from that sacredobligation.
God’s Not Fooling About This
But there’s more to this Commandment than sentiment. Considerwhat God
has to sayabout those children who disobey these words:
“Anyone who attacks his mother and father must be put to death.” Exodus
21:15

218. Deuteronomy 21:18-21 gives the following instruction for a “stubborn and
rebellious son.” First, the parents bring the son to the elders at the gate of the
town. Second, they testify againsttheir own son—that he is stubborn,
rebellious, profligate and a drunkard. Third, “then all the men of his town
shall stone him to death.” Why such a harsh punishment? “You must purge
the evil from among you. All Israelwill hear of it and be afraid.”
“He who robs his father and drives out his mother is a sonwho brings shame
and dis-grace.”Proverbs 19:26
“If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch
darkness.” Proverbs 20:20
“The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be
peckedout by the ravens of the valley, will be eatenby the vultures.” Proverbs
30:17
These are serious words which must be takenseriously. God is not kidding
when he says, “Honoryour parents.” Those who take this Commandment
lightly will live to regret it.
In the Place ofGod
There is a greatreasonbehind these serious warnings. You ought to honor
your parents because your parents stand in the place of God in your life. They
representGod to you. Though they are far from perfect, and even the best
parents fail in many ways, your Dad and Mom representGod in your life.
When you get down to the bottom line, this Commandment matters to God
because the way you respond to your parents is the way you are likely to
respond to God.
—If you are hostile and angry toward your parents, you are likely to be
hostile and angry towardGod.

219. —If you honor your parents despite their faults, you are likely to honor God
with your life.
And that’s why this Commandment is fifth on the list. The first four
Commandments deal with your relation-ship to God. The last six deal with
your relationship with other people. The Commandment to honor your
parents is the one that makes it easyto obey all the rest. Learn to honor your
parents—to truly treat them with the respectthey deserve—andyou will
probably not have many problems with things like murder, adultery and
theft. But if you do not honor your parents, you are not likely to honor the
Commandments of God.
So the Fifth Commandment is crucial and fundamental. Get this one down
and the others will be made much easier.
II. The Four Divine Reasons
We’ve seenthe serious warnings about neglecting this Commandment. But
what about the positive side? Are there any rewards for those who obey?
Indeed there are. Scripture offers four reasons whychildren should be careful
to honor their parents.
A. It is the Right Thing to Do.
Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is
right.”
B. It PleasesGod.
Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this
pleases the Lord.”
C. It Leads to Long Life.
Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live
long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” What is the connection
betweenlong life and honoring your parents? Those who honor their parents
will enjoy three benefits that tend to produce long life:

220. —They will be less conflictedon the inside.
—They will experience inner peace insteadof anxiety.
—They will be free of damaging hangups from the past.
Beyond that, when parents are honored the family tends to stayintact. When
families stay intact, societyis strengthened. When societyis strengthened,
people tend to live longer, happier, more productive lives.
D. It Insures GoodSuccess.
Deuteronomy 5:16 says, “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your
God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well
with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
Do you recognize the name Shaquille O’Neal? He’s the humongous center
from Louisiana State University who just became the first pick in the NBA
draft. In a few weeks,the young man will signa pro contractworth $20-30
million. Although he is barely 20-years old, Shaquille O’Nealis set for life.
How did it happen? His father, Army Staff SargentPhillip O’Neal, weptas he
thought about it. Speaking of his father, Shaquille said, “I walkedinto the
hotel and found him crying. I askedhim what was wrong. He said, ’You
listened to me. You listened and obeyed. That’s all you had to do.’”
The young man then added these heartwarming words. “Thank God, I
listened to my father. I would have been dead otherwise. He raisedme the old-
fashionedway. He taught me how to play basketball. He taught me about life.
He loved me. He whipped me when I needed it. And things have turned out
good.” (Chicago Sun-Times, June 24, 1992, p. 93)
It is happening to Shaquille O’Nealexactlyas God promised. He listened and
obeyed. That’s all he had to do. Now he is about to enjoy the success that
comes from honoring his parents.

221. A Trough For My Parents
If you need a little more convincing, just ponder this old Grimm fairy tale.
Once upon a time a young couple with a son was forcedto take in the
husband’s aging father. The young wife, being a modern sort, didn’t like the
idea, but agreedto do it for her husband’s sake. She told the old man, “We eat
at such-and-such a time. If you want to eat, you’d better be at the table when
the meal is served.” At first the old man came right on time. But eventually he
came late, and to teachhim a lesson, the young wife had the old man eat in a
corner by himself. More time passedand the old man beganhaving trouble
with his food. He couldn’t seemto properly handle a knife and fork. After
enduring the situation as long as she could, the young wife in exasperationhad
her husband buy a feeding trough, the kind you use to feed pigs. “Now then,”
she said, “If you are going to eat like a pig, you’re going to have a trough like
a pig.”
Everything seemedto go well for a few weeks until one day when the young
couple couldn’t find their 4-yearold son. Bam, bam, bam came the noise from
the shed behind the house. Walking to the door of the shed, they discovered
the young boy busily nailing boards together. “Whatare you doing
sweetheart?askedthe young wife. “Oh,” said the boy, “I’m making a trough
for when you grow old.”
The moral of the story: Your children will treat you the wayyou treat your
parents. One generationteaches another, and our children learn to honor us
preciselyas they see us honoring our parents. If you want to be remembered
with kindness when you are old, treat your elderly parents with the respect
they deserve.
III. The Application
A. For Parents

222. We cansum up the application to parents in a single sentence:Make it easy
for your children to obey this Commandment. There is a sense in which if you
want your children to honor you, you yourself must be honor-able!
How do you make it easyfor your children to honor you?
1. By Praising Your Children
When was the lasttime you hugged your children? When was the last time
you said, “I’m so proud of you.” When was the lasttime you braggedabout
them in their presence? Nothing can take the place of praising your children.
It’s hard enough to be a kid in this world. You need all the support you can
get—especiallyfrom home.
2. By Listening to Your Children
Mostof us fathers fail miserably in this area. Our children talk but we don’t
listen. We’re too busy reading the paper or watching TV. Usually we expend
so much energyon the job that we have nothing left for our children.
It’s amazing how much wisdom we will discoverin our children if only we’ll
stop to listen to them. All you have to do is ask. Your children will be
delighted to tell you what they think!
3. By Setting Limits and Saying “No”
Bishop Fulton Sheen said it well: “Everychild needs a pat on the back so long
as you give it low enoughand hard enough.” As we have already noted,
praising your children is absolutely crucial. But just as crucial is the
determination to say “No” whennecessary. Evenmore important is the
determination to back up your words with appropriate action.
4. By Spending Time with Them
The current issue of People magazine contains a poignant story about George
Wallace, Jr., sonof the legendarygovernor of my home state of Alabama.
George, Jr., is running for congressthis year—andthey say he stands an
excellentchance of being elected. At the age of40, he has already been
married and divorced three times. His third wife Angela believes that his

223. upbringing produced scars that have left him emotionally crippled. She said,
“He spent his entire childhood alone. He was raisedby state troopers.” That
statementwas confirmed by George, Jr., who described his father this way:
“He was always on the go, always busy.”
Did George Wallace love his son? Of course he did. Did he intend to let the
state troopers raise him? Of course not. It just workedthat way.
When will we learn that the best present we can give our children is our
presence? Nothing else cantake the place of you spending time with your
children. No gift you cangive is as crucialas the gift of yourself. Your kids
will forgetthe things you give them; they will never forgetthe time you spend
with them.
5. By Modeling the Right Kind of Life
Our children copy everything we do. That’s one of the most terrifying truths
of parenthood. I discoveredthat years ago when I noticed Joshua dipping his
egg roll in some macaroniand cheese.Although he couldn’t have been more
than 2-years old, he saw us dipping our egg roll in sweetand sour sauce so he
decided to dip his in macaroni and cheese. The powerof example!
My childhood friend RickySuddith used to say, “I’m not sure the world is
ready for a bunch of Rayjuniors walking around with big feet and thick
glasses.”Butthat’s what I’m afraid I’m producing.
On Friday our lunch included seedless white grapes. Forsome reasonI
decided to show the boys how I could throw a grape up into the air and catch
it in my mouth. After a couple of successes anda couple of misses, Mark and
Nicholas decidedto try it. Then they decidedto practice throwing grapes to
eachother. Then they decided to throw grapes at eachother. Then we had an
all-out grape war right at the table. Then Marlene came in and said, “Look
what you started” Joshua grinned and said, “Yeah, Dad, you’re a greatrole
model.”
The powerof example!

224. To Any Daddy
Years ago I clipped a little poem out of a religious paper. It sums up—with
convicting clarity—the powerof a father’s example:
There are little eyes upon you,
And they’re watching night and day;
There are little ears that quickly
Take in every word you say;
There are little hands all eager
To do anything you do;
And a little boy who’s dreaming
Of the day he’ll be like you.
You’re the little fellow’s idol;
You’re the wisestof the wise.
In his little mind about you,

225. No suspicions ever arise.
He believes in you devoutly,
Holds that all you say and do,
He will say and do, in your way,
When he’s grown up like you.
There’s a wide-eyedlittle fellow
Who believes you’re always right.
And his little ears are open,
And he watches day and night.
You are setting an example
Every day, in all you do,
For the little boy who’s waiting

226. To grow up to be like you.
A few days ago I attended an open house at the junior high schoolmy oldest
son attends. There on the wall was his picture and underneath a series of
questions he had answered. One of them read: “My hero is … My Dad
because he’s a greatfather and I want to be like him when I grow up.” I can
never even begin to sayhow I felt when I read those words. Joy, amazement,
and fear—fearlestI should somehow fail my son. I’m his hero. Is there any
greaterrewardin this world?
B. ForGrown-Up Children
At long last we come to the principle meaning of the text. For too long we have
relegatedthis Commandment to young children and sometimes evenused it as
a club over their heads. But God never intended that this Commandment be
aimed primarily at young children. After all, how many young children were
present at Mt. Sinai? Mostof the people who receivedthe Ten
Commandments were adults.
This Commandment is primarily for grown-up children. It is God’s way of
telling us how to treat our parents!
Four Ways To Honor Your Parents
But how canwe honor our parents when we no longerlive under their
authority?
1. By Speaking Well of Them
Sometimes I hear adults saying terribly disrespectfulthings about their
parents. They speak with bitterness and anger overthings that happened
many years ago. That raises a question: How do you speak wellof people who
hurt you deeply? Here I think we’re left with some advice we all learned as

227. children. “If you can’t say some-thing nice, say nothing at all.” There is a true
sense in which you honor your parents by refusing to speak evil of them.
—Speak wellof your parents if you can.
—If you can’t, you can still refuse to speak evil of them.
That, too, is a way of honoring your parents.
2. By Obeying Them
I know as soonas I saythat some people will think I’ve lostmy mind. For
many people the whole point of moving awayfrom home is so that you won’t
have to obey your parents anymore. Mostof us have heard it said that while
you don’t have to obey your parents, you always have to honor them. That’s
true enough, but it doesn’t graspthe full biblical implication of the Fifth
Commandment.
Our modern attitude of moving awayso we don’t have to obey would have
shockedMosesandPaul. In their eyes, children were always to obey their
parents—with the only possible exception being when the parents ask the
children to do something that violates God’s law. In the biblical mindset, the
older your parents get, the more wisdom they attain, and the greateryour
responsibility to obey their instruction.
Does that mean a grown-up child should obey his elderly parents? Yes, that’s
what it means. If that sounds shocking, it’s only because we’ve drifted so far

228. from the biblical mindset. In God’s eyes we are foreverchildren, always
under obligation to honor and—as far as possible—to obey our parents.
3. By Forgiving Them
Here we come to the heart of the problem for many people. How do you honor
parents who have hurt and abused you? How do you honor an alcoholic
father? How do you honor a mother who left you? How do you honor parents
who neglectedyou?
Here is a simple answer:We must not use the hurts of the past as an excuse to
evade this Commandment. To be specific, here are some things we must not
say:
"My parents were not lovable, therefore I will not love them.”
"My parents were not wise, therefore I will not respectthem.”
"My parents were not kind, therefore I will not admire them.”
"My parents were not patient, therefore I will not be patient with them.”
So many of us waste years playing the “if only” game. “If only my father had
loved me.” “If only my mother had been kind to me.” “If only my parents had
stayed together.” The “if only” game is destructive because it teaches you to
live in a fantasy world—insteadof in reality.
You will make a major advance in your spiritual life when you conclude that
your parents are sinners just like you!
—Are they unlovely? Love them anyway.
—Are they selfish? Love them anyway.

229. —Are they too possessive?Love them anyway.
—Are they too old, too contrary, too weak, too mean, too silly, too hard,
too foolish? It matters not what they are. They are still your parents.
Love them anyway!
Psychologists have told us for years that we tend to marry people like our
parents. Sons tend to marry women like their mothers; daughters tend to
marry men like their fathers. Often we think we’re marrying the opposite of
our parents but how often it turns out in later years that we have “returned
home” and recreatedour parents’ marriage without realizing what we have
done.
Here’s a thought. When we refuse to forgive our parents, we tend to carry
that resentment and bitterness over into our own marriage. And thus are
dysfunctional patterns passeddown from one generationto another. The very
best thing you cando for your own marriage is to forgive your parents for the
things they did to hurt you. If you don’t, those mistakes are likely to be
repeatedand the inner resentment will eat awayat you.
Think about it this way. By forgiving, you cut yourself free from the past.
When you refuse to forgive, your parents win twice—oncein the past when
they hurt you and once in the present by your refusal to forgive. By refusing
to forgive, you are still allowing your parents to control your life in a negative
way.
As Terry Strandt told me, “Thank God, it doesn’t have to be that way.” He’s
right. Forgivenesssets us free to build a new life and to establish a healthy
marriage.
4. By Not Forsaking Them

230. At this point we have the example of Jesus who, while hanging on the cross,
took time to remember his aging mother. To his mother he said, “Woman,
behold your son.” To John he said, “Son, behold your mother.” Think of that!
While dying for the sins of the world, he took time to keepthe Fifth
Commandment!
How do you “not forsake” yourparents?
—By writing them
—By calling them
—By caring for them
—By supporting them financially
—By speaking wellof them
—By remembering them after they are gone
The Commandment in Reverse
If you doubt the validity of my words, try working this Commandment in
reverse. Honor not your parents and see what happens. D.L. Moodysaid, “I
have lived over 60 years, and I have learned one thing if I have learned
nothing else—no man or woman who dishonors father or mother ever
prospers.”
At the beginning of this message Isaid that this Commandment is the one that
helps you obey all the rest. Why is that? Becausethe first place where you can
show the reality of your religion is at home. To say it another way, religion
that doesn’t begin at home doesn’t begin at all.

231. STEVEN COLE
Keeping the Fifth— Exodus 20:12 (Eph. 6:1-4)
RelatedMedia
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232. 00:00
We live in a day of rampant children’s rights. In Sweden, a model for the
movement, it is illegalto spank your children or even to administer such
discipline as sending them to bed or depriving them of TV. The laws are
enforcedby socialworkers, specialcourts, and the police. In our country,
children now can divorce their parents and move on to a new setwho will not
be so demanding. Years ago the Duke of Windsor observed, “The thing that
impresses me about America is the way parents obey their children.”
This widespreaddisregardfor parental authority over their children, coupled
with the influence of psychology, which has advised us not to do anything to
stifle a child’s emotions or to damage his self-esteem, has led to a disregard,
even in Christian circles, ofkeeping the fifth of the Ten Commandments:
“Honor your father and mother.” The apostle Paulputs it, “Children, obey
your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother
(which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with
you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Eph. 6:3). Having just studied
Ham, who as an adult dishonored his father Noah, resulting in a curse on
Ham’s descendants through Canaan, I thought it would be fitting on this
Mother’s Day to take a look at the neglectedFifth Commandment.

233. As you know, the TenCommandments may be divided into two sections, each
reinforcing the two greatestcommandments. The first four commands spell
out what it means to love the Lord our God: Not to have any other gods
before Him; not to make or serve any idols; not to take His name in vain; and,
to keepthe sabbath day holy. The last six commands teachus how to love our
neighbor as we do, in fact, love ourselves:To honor our fathers and mothers;
not to murder, commit adultery, steal, bear false witness, orcovetanything
belonging to our neighbor.
Standing at the head of this secondsection, the commandment to honor our
parents is foundational to keeping all that follow. If we truly honor our
parents, we will not disgrace their name by becoming a murderer, by being
unfaithful to our marriage vows, by stealing, by lying, or by the greedand
discontent underlying covetousness. The keeping ofthe Fifth Commandment
also works back towardthe first four. If we are rebellious and disrespectful
toward our parents who gave us life and sustenance, we willalso probably be
rebellious and disrespectful towardthe Lord God, our creatorand sustainer.
Disrespecttowardparents and God will also carry over into disrespectfor all
authority, and thus will result in a breakdownof law and order, leading to a
disintegration of the very basis for civilized society. Thus the keeping of the
Fifth Commandment is not some outmoded, quaint idea to be set aside
without consequence. It is vital to the survival of our nation.
Before we look at what it means to keepthis command, I want to point out
that if you keepit, you and your family will stand out as distinct from our
culture, especiallywhen your children are teenagers. I rejectthe culturally
acceptedidea, brought to us by those wonderful folks in developmental
psychology, that a period of rebellion and defiance is the norm for teenagers.
It has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, even in Christian homes, where
parents lamely shrug their shoulders at their kids’ rebellion and excuse it
with, “Well, it’s just a phase they have to go through.” Nonsense!Christian
teenagers canand must honor, obey, and respecttheir parents out of
submission to the Lord. When they do this, it will open the door for witness in
a world where rebellion and disrespectfor parents is the norm. As we
examine this commandment, I want to make two main points:

234. As children, we should honor our parents; as parents, we should live worthily
of our children’s honor.
Then I want to discuss under a third heading what children should do when
their parents are not deserving of their honor.
1. As children, we should honor our parents.
First, we need to understand what the command means;then, we will look at
some ways we candemonstrate our obedience to it.
The meaning of “honor”:
The word translated “honor” is a Hebrew word with a root meaning of
“weight” or “heaviness.” Itis the same word often translated“glory” in
reference to the Lord. To glorify the Lord is to attachthe utmost weightor
significance to who He is and what He does. It means to assignHim the
highest place because He is worthy of it. The opposite of glorifying God is to
treat Him lightly, to shrug off Him and His commands as insignificant.
Coupled with the idea of weightis that of value, which is the root meaning of
the Greek wordfor honor. Gold and silver are heavy, valuable metals. We say
of a valuable man, “He’s worth his weight in gold.”
Applied to parents, to honor them is to have an attitude of respectfor them
that stems from the factthat we greatlyvalue them and the contribution
they’ve made to our lives. To honor our parents is to assigna high place of
value to them. This attitude of respectand high esteemwill result in loving
actions towardthem. The motivation for doing this should be to please and
glorify the Lord Jesus who set the example of obedience to His earthly parents
in order to please His Heavenly Father.
The means of honoring our parents:
(1) When you’re young, you honor your parents by obeying their instruction
and submitting to their correction. This is clearin Paul’s linking, “Children
obey your parents” with the command to honor them (Eph. 6:1-3). When Paul
states, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord,” he does not mean, “Obey
your parents only if they are in the Lord” (that is, Christians). Nor does he

235. mean, “Obeyyour parents when you think their decisions are in line with
what you think the Lord wants.” He means, it is your duty in the Lord to obey
your parents. The Book of Proverbs, after a brief introduction, begins, “Hear,
my son, your father’s instruction, and do not forsake your mother’s teaching;
indeed, they are a gracefulwreathto your head, and ornaments about your
neck” (Prov. 1:8-9).
The only exceptionto obeying your parents would be if they commanded you
to do something that is a clearviolation of Scripture. But even then, you must
demonstrate to your parents a submissive spirit that seeks to please them. You
should respectfully appealto them and explain your reasons why you cannot
obey them in this instance. You should show that it grieves you to have to
disobey them. And, you should submit to any punishment they impose without
complaint or rebellion, but with a heart of joy in the Lord, that you are
counted worthy to suffer for His name. But such times when you must disobey
your parents out of obedience to God will probably be rare.
(2) As you grow older, you honor your parents by respecting them, treating
them with kindness, and holding their counselin high regard. It is never right
to despise or ridicule your parents, even if they have done something
deserving of such treatment. We saw this with Ham, who flippantly lookedon
his father’s drunkenness and nakedness,ratherthan respectfully covering
him as his two brothers did (Gen. 9:21-24).
There comes a point, of course, where you move out from under your parents’
authority and are no longer obligatedto obey them. Wise parents let the reins
go gradually, so that a young person assumes more and more responsibility
for his own life, until he is on his own. When is that? It is not necessarilyat
some arbitrary age, such as 18 or even 21. But a generalrule of thumb is, if
you are chafing under your parents’ authority, you are probably not ready to
be out from under it. Your obedience to your parents shows that you are
mature enough to live apart from their direct authority, and that you are
under the lordship of Christ.
But even when you’re out from under your parents’ authority, you always
remain under their counsel. As an adult, you answerdirectly to God, but it

236. would be foolishto shrug off your parents’ counselwithout careful
consideration. There are times as a Christian young personwhen you must
follow God’s leading, for example, to go to the mission field, even though your
parents (who may even be believers) don’t want you to go. In order to obey
God by going to seminary, and later moving to Europe to serve God, Francis
Schaefferhad to say to his parents, “I love you, and I’m sorry to make you
unhappy, but I am convinced that this is what God wants me to do, and I am
going to do it.” His resolute obedience to God was in the end the means of
bringing first his father and later his mother to faith in Jesus Christ (told by
Edith Schaeffer, Lifelines [CrosswayBooks], pp. 115-116). Buteven in going
againsthis parents’ wishes, Schaeffershowedthem respectand kindness.
(3) As your parents grow older, you honor them by caring for them and
providing for their needs as you are able. Paul directs children and
grandchildren to make some return to their agedparents by caring for them
and providing for their needs, and adds, “for this is acceptable in the sight of
God.” He goes on to say that if we do not provide for our own families (he
means both our immediate families and our agedparents), we have denied the
faith and are worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim. 5:4, 8). The bestarrangement
may or may not be to have an agedparent live in our own homes. Eachfamily
has the freedom to determine the specific arrangements under the Lord. But it
is not right as Christians to abandon our elderly parents to a nursing home so
that we can ignore them. One way we show honor is by giving a person our
time. This certainly applies to elderly parents. Our responsibility to honor our
parents goes allthrough life.
There’s a secondside to the Fifth Commandment. I can only touch on it
briefly:
2. As parents, we should live worthily of our children’s honor.
When Paul gives the command to children to honor and obey their parents, he
immediately balances it by commanding the parents (especially, fathers)not
to provoke their children to anger, but to bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). As I’ll mention in a moment, children must
honor their parents whether the parents deserve it or not. But, even so, as

237. parents we must not neglectGod’s commands to us to rear our children in His
ways. This involves two main things:
(1) As parents, we should be examples of godliness in our homes. Children
listen to our lives much more than to our lectures. If we preachChristianity
but practice hypocrisy, they will not be inclined to honor either us or the Lord
Jesus Christ. Being an example of godliness does not imply perfection, because
even godly parents are sinners. But it does mean that we walk in the Spirit,
growing in the expressionof the fruit of the Spirit in our daily lives: love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, andself control
(Gal. 5:22-23). This includes controlling anger, toward both our mates and
children. Being an example of godliness means that when we sin in word or
deed toward our family members, we humbly confess that sin and seek
forgiveness, both from God and from the ones we wronged. It means that we
walk in daily, moment-by-moment submission to the lordship of Jesus Christ.
(2) As parents, we should train our children in the ways of the Lord. This
includes leading our children to saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and
teaching them the commands and principles of Scripture. It includes
commitment to a localchurch, settimes for family Bible reading and prayer,
and teaching God’s ways in spur of the moment opportunities. This kind of
instruction is not a nice thing to do if you’re so inclined; it is a God-given duty
for Christian parents, especiallyfor fathers. We shirk our responsibility as
Christian fathers if we are spiritually passive and if we pawn off this duty to
our wives or to the church. In some church traditions, the fathers are
responsible to catechize their children. I think this is something we Baptists
need to consider, where we teachthe greatdoctrines of the faith to our
children in the home.
Much more could be said, but I want to devote a few minutes to the question,
Should children honor parents who are clearlynot worthy of it? And, if so,
how?
3. Children should seek to honor parents even if they are not worthy of honor.
The Fifth Commandment does not say, “Honor your parents if they deserve
it.” While it is far easierto honor godly parents, we are still obligatedto honor

238. our parents, even if they do not deserve it. I realize that some have had
parents who have abusedthem emotionally, physically, and sexually. Some
have had drunken or drug-addicted parents who have selfishly neglectedtheir
children. Some have been hated and rejectedby their parents. But the
command still applies, “Honor your father and mother.” Jesus says to love
even our enemies (Matt. 5:44), which may include your parents. So even if it is
difficult, you must work at it. Briefly, here are three biblical principles that
apply:
(1) Dealwith any bitterness and forgive your parents from your heart.
Forgiving those who have sinned againstus is not optional. Jesus saidthat if
we do not forgive our fellow men, our heavenly Fatherwill not forgive us
(Matt. 6:15). I have trouble fitting that into my theology, but there’s no
mistaking the fact that Jesus consideredforgivenessa major, mandatory
requirement of the Christian life. Granting forgiveness in our hearts does not
mean naively restoring trust in the relationship. If your father molestedyou
sexually, forgiving him does not mean trusting your kids to be alone with him.
But it does mean rooting out any bitterness towardGod, who sovereignly
allowedthis sin againstyou, and toward your father who committed it. It also
means granting him forgiveness verbally apart from his deserving it the
minute he repents (Eph. 4:32). Also, you may have to ask forgiveness forany
rebellion or other sins you have committed againstyour parents, even if they
provokedit.
(2) Demonstrate a godly attitude toward your parents. Often when young
people from a troubled home get saved, they go back home, often with a well-
intended zeal in the Lord, but by their attitude they communicate ingratitude
and disrespectfor their parents and the way they’ve raisedthem. They often
come across with a spiritual pride that conveys to the parents, “You’ve been
terrible, sinful, worldly people who did not raise me properly. But now I’ve
found the truth, and I’ve come to setyou straight and ask you to repent.”
When the parents don’t respond enthusiasticallyto this message,the young
person sniffles about being persecutedfor the sake of righteousness or, even
worse, is openly defiant or demeaning towardthe parents.

239. The main way a Christian young personshould bear witness to his parents is
by a godly attitude of honor and submission, even when your parents do
things to mistreat or provoke you. If they ask about the changes they see in
your behavior, of course you give the glory to Jesus Christ through sensitive
verbal witness. But your main witness should be through your godly attitude.
(3) Practice deeds of love and kindness towardyour parents, even when they
mistreat you, with a view to leading them to Christ. Even if your parents are
selfishpagans who treat you like dirt, you are God’s main link to them with
the gospel. Evenif they never respond or respond with meanness, you can be
kind and caring toward them. If you live in another city, you canwrite to
them, send them cards or gifts on specialoccasions, orcalland let them know
that you’re thinking of them and that you care. You certainly should pray
often for their salvation, since that is their primary need.
This does not mean that it’s necessaryto caterto your parents’ every demand
or give up a life of your own to make them happy. Some parents are very
controlling and would not be happy no matter how much you do for them. But
still we must not abandon them and we should seek the Lord for ways we can
show them His love and kindness.
Conclusion
A Grimm’s fairy tale tells about an old man who lived with his sonand
daughter-in-law because he had no where else to go. The old man’s hands
trembled. When he ate, he clatteredthe silverware, oftenmissed his mouth
with the spoon, and dribbled some of his food on the tablecloth. The daughter-
in-law hated having him there because he interfered with her right to
happiness. So she and her husband took the old man gently but firmly and led
him to a corner of the kitchen. There they set him on a stooland gave him his
food in an earthenware bowl. From then on he always ate in the corner,
blinking at the table with wistful eyes.
One day his hands trembled more than usual and he dropped the bowl, which
broke. “If you are a pig,” said the daughter-in-law, “you must eat out of a
trough.” So they made him a little woodentrough, and he got his meals in
that.

240. This couple had a four-year-old sonthey were quite fond of. One night the
father noticed the boy playing intently with some bits of woodand he asked
what he was doing. “I’m making a trough,” he said, smiling for approval, “to
feed you and Mamma out of when I get big.”
The man and his wife lookedat eachother for a while and didn’t say
anything. Then they cried a little. Then they went to the cornerand took the
old man by the arm and led him back to the table. They sat him in a
comfortable chair and fed him his dinner on a plate. From then on nobody
scoldedhim when he clatteredor spilled or broke things. (Told by Joy
Davidman, Smoke on the Mountain.)
If we dishonor our parents, we will reap dishonor ourselves. More than that,
we will undermine the foundations of society. Whereveryou’re at in life, I ask,
“Are you keeping the Fifth Commandment?” If you are, it will go wellwith
you and you will be blessedby God. It is the first commandment with a
promise.
DiscussionQuestions
Does a child dishonor abusive parents by reporting them to proper
authorities? Why/why not?
Does honoring our parents imply never confronting their sins? How canwe
know what to acceptand what to confront?
What guidelines apply in determining whether an elderly parent should live
with you?
What does biblical forgiveness imply in practice?
Copyright 1996, StevenJ. Cole, All Rights Reserved.
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture Quotations are from the New American
Standard Bible, © The LockmanFoundation

241. Exodus 20:12, The Fifth Commandment
By Roy B. Blizzard
[12] Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the
land which the LORD your God is giving you.
Translation:
Honor your father and your mother to the end that your days may be long on
the earth that YHWH, your Elohim, gives to you.
Comments:
Notice that this is the only one of the Ten Commandments with a promise: if
you honor your father and mother, your days will be long upon the earth.
Perhaps one reasonwhy one’s days might not be long upon the earth if they
fail to honor their father and mother is because in the Mishnah, Order
Nezikin, Tractate Sanhedrin7:4, "the rebellious and the disobedient son is to
be stoned."
In Deuteronomy 21:18-21, it states that the stubborn and rebellious son will be
stoned to death and in Exodus 21:17, it states that the sonwho curses his
father or mother shall surely be put to death.
Judaism placed greatemphasis upon family; not only the parents’
responsibilities to children, but also the children’s responsibilities to the
parents. That responsibility continued throughout the lifetime of the parents.
It was the responsibility of the child to see that their parents were adequately
provided for in their lifetime and to ensure a decent burial at their death.
Jesus calls attentionto this very fact in Mark 7: 10-13, whenHe says, "Moses
said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who curses father or
mother, let him be put to death.’" Then Jesus continues (referring back to
Exodus 20:12 and 21:17)saying, "if a man says to his father or mother,
‘Whatever profit you might have receivedfrom me is Corban’" (that is, a gift

242. offered unto God as a sacrifice)"thenyou no longerlet him do anything for
his father or his mother, making the word of God of no effectthrough your
tradition which you have handed down. And many such things you do."
Jesus is rebuking the Pharisees, saying they have, in essence,made the word
of God of no effectby no longerrequiring the sons to be responsible for their
parents.
It is interesting in our archeologicalexcavations atthe Temple Mount in
Jerusalemwe found the inscription incisedon the leg of a bowl with the word
"CORBAN" confirming this practice mentioned in this passage in Mark 7:
10-13.
To summarize, all three resources – the written law, the oral law, and the
words of Jesus – emphasize the importance of one honoring their parents.
https://www.biblescholars.org/2013/05/exodus-20-12-the-fifth-
commandment.html
By: Rev. Adrian Dieleman
This sermon was preachedon November 19, 2000
Ephesians 6:1-4
Exodus 20:12
"Honor Your Father and Mother"
I The Basis

243. A Any observerof American culture cantell you that great changes take place
in the relationship betweenparents and children as the child grows up. Little
children are totally dependent upon their parents for almost everything and
are fully under their authority and control. Then, as they grow and become a
teenager, they become more independent; they depend on parents for food
and clothing and shelter, but become a lot less dependent on them for the way
they think. A four-year old tends to think Mom and Dadare always right, but
most kids who are 14-years-oldwould never think that. Generally, the older a
child becomes the more they rebel againstparental authority and control so
that a little child may step on your toes but an older child steps on your heart.
The teen years can be a tough time for kids to relate to their parents. But, and
most kids don't think of it this way, it can also be a tough time for parents to
relate to their kids. Do you know the advice Mark Twain once gave to
parents?
Topic: ParentalDuties
Subtopic:
Index: 1629-1631
Date:11/2000.101
Title: Mark Twainon teenagers
When a child turns 13, put him in a barrel, nail down the lid, and feed him
through a knothole. When he turns 16, plug the knothole.
Mark Twain must have had an ugly relationship with his parents and again
with his children. We know that the relationship betweenteens and parents is
not quite as bad as he makes it out to be – but sometimes in some homes it is
close.

244. B The relationship betweenchildren and parents has never been problem-
free, but our societymakes it worse because ofits emphasis on individual
rights and freedom at the expense of family bonds. In a survey, people in
different countries were askedto complete the following sentence:"I love my
mother but ..."
Teenagers, boys and girls, how would you finish that sentence? "Ilove my
mother but ..."
In Westerncountries, most children took this as a hint to criticize their
mother. "I love my mother but ...
-she is always nagging me
-she worries too much
-she is always yelling at me
-she is so impatient
-she places too much emphasis on my appearance
-she makes me work too much
and so on ...
In Burma, most people filled in the blank very differently. They said things
like, "I love my mother but ...
-I can never thank her enough
-I can never repay her for all that she has done for me
-I can never love her enough
-I can never give her enoughhonor
and so on ...

245. When I was a teenagerwe heard sermons about the "generationgap." Usually
the blame was placedon the young people because oflong hair, drugs, rock
music, and protests againstViet Nam. But when I look at our culture I see
more than a "generationgap." I see problems all across the spectrum,
betweenevery age group. For instance, many teenagersfeelmore drawn to
the garbage onTV than to their parents' ideas. Many seniorcitizens in good
health would rather live near a golf course in the Sun Belt than be near their
children and grandchildren. Many grown-ups don't want their seniorparents
around, especiallyif they are in failing health; so more and more of these
parents are carted off to a nursing home where they are out of sight, out of
mind, and rarely visited.
I want us to think about this multi-generation gap and what it takes to bridge
it.
C Before we go any further, we need to remind ourselves that the command to
honor our parents is the fifth commandment, not the first. The first four
commandments deal with how we ought to honor God. God comes first. In
other words, children of all ages cantruly honor their parents only when the
whole family seeksto honor God together.
Family experts today like to talk about quality time. Well, there is no better
"quality time" than when a family prays and worships and reads the Bible
together. That is quality time!
D We know from the Bible that God places greatimportance on children
honoring their parents.

246. First of all, God promises that if children honor their parents, and if parents
act in a way that deserves such honor, the future is bright. On the other hand,
if children dishonor their parents, if they disrespectand insult them, the
future is bleak. Godsays,
(Ex 20:12)"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in
the land the LORD your God is giving you."
Second, did you know that God commanded the death penalty for rebellious
children (Deut 21:18-21)? Dishonorof the parents was seenas a cancerthat
had to be cut away.
Now this didn't mean that a five-year-old could be killed the moment he did
something his parents told him not to do. The law applied to a defiant
teenageroradult single, a habitual drunkard or troublemaker, who despised
his parents and refused all their advice and warnings. And even in a situation
like that the parents had no authority to kill their own child as was the case in
many other cultures of that time. Rather, the death penalty could only be
imposed after a hearing by the governing authorities. Still, it was a hard law
for a hard situation. Its harshness shows us just how serious it is to despise
and dishonor our parents.
II The Meaning
A Now, let's considerwhat the command to honor our parents means for us
today.
First of all, this command affirms the authority of parents. The command is to
honor. Honor is not a sentimental word, a feeling. Honor is a word that has to
do with recognizing and obeying authority. Love and affectionare important
in the home, of course, and parents and children should always be able to kiss

247. and hug eachother, but that is not what the fifth commandment is talking
about. Rather, the fifth commandment tells us there is to be a definite
structure of authority and obedience in the home.
Authority and obedience are not very popular concepts today. Our culture
views it almost as a moral obligationto question and disobey authority.
Whether it is government, police, teacher, pastor, church, or parents, people
today tend to resent authority. People today tend to think that the only
opinion that really matters is their own. In some other times and cultures,
people were too quick to knuckle under to authority, even when authority was
dreadfully wrong, but that is hardly our problem today. Today, the situation
is like this quote I found:
Topic: Teaching
Subtopic:
Index: 1778-1782
Date:11/2000.101
Title: Attitudes in EducationToday
In our public schoolsystemthe teachers are afraid of the principal, the
principal is afraid of the schoolboard, the schoolboard is afraid of the
parents, the parents are afraid of the kids, and the kids aren't afraid of
anybody.
This is an exaggeration, but our regardfor authority is at an all-time low.
B It is alarming that regardfor authority is at an all-time low. But even more
alarming is that many people think that's the way it should be. Many parents
and teachers todayrefuse to exercise authority over children. These parents
say their job is to be as permissive and affirming as possible and not to impose

248. anything on their children. Likewise, schoolteacherssaytheir job is to
enhance the child's self-esteemand to assistchildren in clarifying their values
without imposing anything on them.
Do you know what these parents and teachers are doing? They are
abandoning their rightful authority. They ought to be giving authoritative
moral guidance to children. Kids need to know that their instincts are not
always good, that many of their desires are destructive, and that many of their
values are selfish and immoral.
The fifth commandment expects parents to exercise their authority in order to
shape lives, mold minds, and fashion hearts. God would not command
children to honor their parents if He had not given parents authority in the
first place.
Topic: Home
Subtopic: Devout Fathers
Index: 1669
Date:5/1988.11
Title:
I love the story Gordon MacDonaldtells.
Among the legends is the tale of a medieval sidewalk superintendent who
askedthree stone masons on a constructionproject what they were doing. The
first replied that he was laying bricks. The seconddescribedhis work as that
of building a wall. But it was the third laborer who demonstratedgenuine
esteemfor his work when he said, "I am raising a great cathedral."
Pose that same question to any two fathers concerning their role in the family,
and you are liable to getthe same kind of contrast. The first may say, "I am

249. supporting a family." But the secondmay see things differently and say, "I
am raising children." The former looks athis job as putting bread on the
table. But the latter sees things in God's perspective:he is shaping hearts and
lives.
C What happens when parents lose sightof this duty and abandon their
authority? What happens when kids rejectthe authority of goodparents? Are
the children then free from all authority? We know better than that! All that
happens is that kids then come under the authority of something or someone
else.
If you are a teenager, and you stop listening to your parents, does that mean
you are now strong and independent and making your own choices? No. Often
it just means that you are more eagerto please your friends than your
parents.
Sometimes this is fairly harmless. Usually not too much damage is done when
your friends urge you, againstyour mother's advice, to buy certain kinds of
shoes, to wearcertain kinds of clothes, to have a certain kind of hairstyle, or
to pierce your ears. But at other times not listening to your parents can lead to
serious damage. When somebodyoffers you a cigarette, ora can of beer, or a
joint of marijuana, or a snort of cocaine, ora hit of crack, do you really think
they want what is best for you? If the kids at schoolpoke fun of you for being
a virgin, of if your date is putting pressure on you to go all the way, is it
because they are concernedabout your future happiness? In times like these it
is very difficult to resistif you don't have parents who taught you to know
better.
Children and youth are never free from authority. The real question is,
"Whose authority are they under?" If parents don't exercise authority, then

250. there is a whole secularworld out there of drug dealers, pornographers,
record companies, tobaccosellers,breweries,movie producers, and
advertisers that is more than eagerto step into the gapand do what parents
should be doing. If parents don't exercise authority, then there are all sorts of
sects and cults out there willing to step in and control the minds of the kids.
D I have a word for parents and for children.
Parents, don't run from your calling to exercise authority. Don't be afraid to
impose your convictions on your children. Don't be afraid to tell your children
what to believe and how to behave and why.
And children, don't rebel againstparental authority. Honor your parents.
Obey them. Realize that your parents know more about right living than you
do. So they are going to teach you and you are expected to listen.
This fifth commandment also says something about growing older and old
age. Our culture glorifies youth and despises old age. One result of this is that
countless people never quite grow up. They getstuck in a kind of perpetual
adolescence. Theyare middle-aged and still don't acceptresponsibility. They
still prefer sexual variety rather than lifelong commitment. They spend a
ridiculous amount of money and time and effort trying not to look their age.
In contrast, Proverbs 16:31 says, "Grayhair is a crownof splendor." There is
something splendid about old age. Being young has its advantages, but so does
being old. In God's design there is something specialabout eachphase of life.
Kids have enormous energyand enthusiasm, while older people have great
experience and wisdom. Says Proverbs, "The glory of young men is their
strength, gray hair the splendor of the old" (Prov 20:29).

251. Part of honoring our parents is to recognize that wisdomcomes with age. I
love what Mark Twain used to say:
Topic: ParentalWeaknesses
Subtopic:
Index: 1634-1636
Date:
Title:
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to
have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonishedathow
much the old man had learned in sevenyears.
Teenagers, youmay think your parents are out of it, that they are dumb. But
let me tell you, there will come a day when you will discoverthat you are
totally wrong about your parents. There will come a day when you will
discoverthat you were out of it, that you were the dumb one.
I am not saying that all parents are perfect or that getting older automatically
makes you wiser. There are abusive and incompetent parents. There are
parents who, instead of getting older and wiser, just getolder.
Conclusion
We need to follow God's will for the home. God's will is that parents give
direction to their children. God's will is that children obey that direction.

252. Too often, though, we put our own desires first. So there are parents who
can't be bothered with training their children. There are children who don't
think twice about disobeying their parents. Though there is nothing wrong
with going to a warmer climate for the Winter, there are grandparents who
prefer a golf course in the sun to the company of their children and
grandchildren. Though it is not evil for an elderly person in need of special
care to be in a nursing home, there are grown up children who prefer to keep
grandma and grandpa in such a facility.
Too often, I'm afraid, family ties are viewed more as a burden than as a
blessing. What we need to do is put relationships before personalpleasure and
convenience. Whatwe need to do is to have a relationship basedon a common
faith in Jesus Christ. Where that exists, family members cansupport each
other, love eachother, honor eachother, and be proud of eachother.
Let's pray that God will bless all our homes with this kind of relationship.
You can e-mail our pastorat: Pastor, Trinity United Reformed Church
Exodus 20:12
(12) Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the
land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
King James Version

253. The fifth commandment begins the secondsectionofthe ten. It is placed, as
the first commandment is towardGod, first among those commands that
govern our relationships with other men. The effectthat keeping or failing to
keepthe fifth commandment has on those relationships is huge. Not only is it
chief in importance in this regard, but it also acts as a bridge betweenthe
Commandments' two sections. This is vital because, whenthe fifth
commandment is properly kept, it leads to reverence for and obedience to
God Himself, the ultimate Parent.
We need to define three important words. The commandment as written in
Exodus 20:12 states, "Honoryour father and your mother, that your days
may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you." The
Hebrew word underlying "honor" suggestsheaviness, weightiness,severity,
and richness, all in a long-lasting, continuing sense. It implies an important or
significant, lifelong responsibility, thus it is used in the sense of honoring,
glorifying, imposing, or being weighty. As an adjective, it magnifies the
implications of a noun. In English, honor means "to give high regard, respect,
and esteemto; give specialrecognitionto; to bring or give respector credit to;
an outward token, signor actthat manifests high regard for."
Two English synonyms help to focus the implications of this commandment.
Respectmeans "to have deferential regardfor; to treat with propriety and
consideration;to regard as inviolable." Reverence indicates "to show
deferential respect." It is respectturned a notch higher because it is combined
with adorationor awe, in a good sense, orgreatshame, in a bad one.
It is helpful further to understand that, though this commandment is
primarily aimed at the function of parenting, it is certainly not limited to it.
The keeping of this law also includes within its spirit the honor and respect
that should be given to civil and teaching figures.
Why does God want a person to honor his parents and other authority
figures? First, the family is the basic building block of society. The stability of
the family is essentialto the stability of the community. The more respectful
eachfamily member is of other family members, especiallyofparents, the

254. greaterthe degree of respectthat will carry beyond the immediate family and
into strengthening the community.
The family is also the basic building block of government. The lessons and
principles learnedfrom honoring, respecting, and submitting to one's parents
result in a societystable enoughto promote the development of the whole
person.
— John W. Ritenbaugh
The Fifth Commandment
by John W. Ritenbaugh
Forerunner, "Personal," January-February2009
Topics
Admonishment
Anarchy
Authority, Despising
Authority, Respectfor
Childrearing
Children, Disciplining
Children, Provoking to Wrath
More...
Related
The Fifth Commandment (1997)
The Fifth Commandment

255. The Promise in the Fifth Commandment (Part One)
Parenting (Part 1): Principles
The PerfectMarriage
A Matter of Honor
Strengthening the Family
More...
Series
The Ten Commandments series:
The First Commandment
The SecondCommandment
The Third Commandment
The Fourth Commandment
The Fifth Commandment
The Sixth Commandment
The Seventh Commandment
More...
Moses writes in Deuteronomy 4:39-40:
Therefore know this day, and considerit in your heart, that the Lord Himself
is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other. You shall
therefore keepHis statutes and His commandments which I command you
today, that it may go well with you and with your children after you, and that
you may prolong your days in the land which the Lord your God is giving you
for all time.
Among this world's versions of what is commonly called "Christianity,"
keeping God's commandments is consideredwith varying degrees of

256. suspicion, at the least, all the way to some being outright hostile, almost as if
keeping them were some kind of a curse. Yet, God Himself urges His children
to keepthem "that it may go well with [them]." He does not say that keeping
them will produce spiritual salvation, but that they will produce a pattern of
life that results in stability, safety, and enjoyment in personaland community
life.
This series on the Ten Commandments began with the statement that the
commandments seemto be arrangedin an order, beginning with the most
important. That is, they start with the one that, if broken, will inevitably lead
to breaking the others, resulting in chaos in a person's worship of God.
The first commandment presents God as the sovereignCreatorand Ruler of
His creation. He will not allow the worship and honor due to Him to be given
to others because it would only result in misdirection of life's purpose,
frustration, emotional and physical pain, and ultimately death to those who
worship any but Him. It therefore deals with what we worship. Mostof the
time, the "god" who gets betweenthe true God and us is the self. We are to
worship the Creator, the Author of a way of life that will produce right
relationships. This commandment demands that we make Him the source of
our values and practices.
The secondcommandment teaches that He wants no one to be concerned
about what He looks like. He has purposefully hidden this knowledge except
to tell us that we generally look like Him. However, we do not know specifics.
He has done this because physicalattributes can be misleading about
character. In our relationship with Him, He wants us to emphasize the
spiritual—His character, the qualities of His spiritual attributes, and His
purpose. The secondcommandment, then, involves the way we are to worship
Him—in spirit and in truth, always aware that man does not live by bread
alone.
The third commandment emphasizes the holy quality of His characterand
offices as identified by His names. His names revealwhat He is. It is the
Christian's responsibility to adorn and uphold the reputation and glory of all
that those names imply. When we were regenerated, His Family name—

257. God—became ourFamily name! We were baptized by the Spirit of God into
that name. The third commandment therefore covers the quality of our
witness in bearing that name.
The fourth commandment provides the means by which His Family members
can guard and maintain things pertaining to His purpose, keeping them
aligned with His creative purpose. The Sabbath provides a more formal
environment for coming to know more clearly the truth regarding God's plan,
His purpose, His characterand personality, and the right and true goals
toward which we are to expend time and energy. His Word shows that when
Israelfailed to keepthe Sabbath, they lost track of the wholesome qualities of
His purpose. Sabbath-breaking and idolatry go hand in hand.
The first four commandments define our relationship with God. They
encompass the magnitude of God's powerand name, and they exhort us to
focus our time and energies onHis purpose, plan, character, and promises, as
well as on our vital part in the completion of His creationin us as individuals.
He is our all in all.
The SecondTabletBegins
The fifth commandment begins the secondsectionofthe ten. It is placed, as
the first commandment is towardGod, first among those commands that
govern our relationships with other men. The effectthat keeping or failing to
keepthe fifth commandment has on those relationships is huge. Not only is it
chief in importance in this regard, but it also acts as a bridge betweenthe
Commandment's two sections. This is vital because, whenthe fifth
commandment is properly kept, it leads to reverence for and obedience to
God Himself, the ultimate Parent.
As we begin we need to define three important words. The commandment as
written in Exodus 20:12 states, "Honoryour father and your mother, that
your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you."
The Hebrew word underlying "honor" suggestsheaviness,weightiness,
severity, and richness, all in a long-lasting, continuing sense. It implies an
important or significant, lifelong responsibility, thus it is used in the sense of
honoring, glorifying, imposing, or being weighty. As an adjective, it magnifies

258. the implications of a noun. In English, honor means "to give high regard,
respect, and esteemto; give specialrecognitionto; to bring or give respector
credit to; an outward token, sign or act that manifests high regard for."
Two English synonyms help to focus the implications of this commandment.
Respectmeans "to have deferential regardfor; to treat with propriety and
consideration;to regard as inviolable." Reverence indicates "to show
deferential respect." It is respectturned a notch higher because it is combined
with adorationor awe, in a good sense, orgreatshame, in a bad one.
It is helpful further to understand that, though this commandment is
primarily aimed at the function of parenting, it is certainly not limited to it.
The keeping of this law also includes within its spirit the honor and respect
that should be given to civil and teaching figures.
Why does God want a person to honor his parents and other authority
figures? First, the family is the basic building block of society. The stability of
the family is essentialto the stability of the community. The more respectful
eachfamily member is of other family members, especiallyofparents, the
greaterthe degree of respectthat will carry beyond the immediate family and
into strengthening the community.
The family is also the basic building block of government. The lessons and
principles learnedfrom honoring, respecting, and submitting to one's parents
result in a societystable enoughto promote the development of the whole
person.
Seeds of a DysfunctionalCommunity
Isaiah3:1-5, 12 provides us this record:
For behold, the Lord, the Lord of hosts, takes awayfrom Jerusalemand from
Judah the stock and the store, the whole supply of bread and the whole supply
of water; the mighty man and the man of war, the judge and the prophet, and
the diviner and the elder; the captainof fifty and the honorable man, the
counselorand the skillful artisan, and the expert enchanter. "I will give
children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them. The people will be
oppressed, everyone by another and every one by his neighbor; the child will

259. be insolent toward the elder, and the base towardthe honorable. . . . As for
My people, children are their oppressors,and women rule over them. O My
people! Those who lead you cause you to err, and destroy the way of your
paths."
The issue in this context concerns adults in positions of authority, but these
adults never truly matured. When dishonoring parents is takento an extreme,
it produces an anarchy that will reach out to infect the community as well.
"Anarchy" describes an absence ofgovernment; it defines generaldisorder, a
time when eachperson does what is right in his own eyes (Judges 21:25).
Those trained in the home to dishonor parents will resistauthority on every
front, whether civic authorities, supervisors on the job, teachers in school, or
coachesofa team. Self-centerednessstands atthe foundation of this action.
Those so createdwill pay little attention to honoring community standards
because they do not respectthem. Thus, they will not discipline themselves to
submit to them. They always think they know what is best for them and for
everybody else too. They will follow whateverimpulse drives them, regardless
of how it affects others.
This rebellious liberalism first produces an irritated grumbling in others, but
it can soonbuild into generaldisorder and confusion. Ultimately, if
unchecked, chaos results. In due course, a whole culture's energies are
expended merely to survive, effectivelydestroying the development of
spiritual, creative, and intellectual qualities essentialto an individual's and to
society's well-being. This is the very path America is following.
Immaturity is a direct result of not honoring parents. People of this mindset
have a hard time cooperating becausetheir minds are filled with insecurities,
they feel they are being taken advantage of, or they feel driven to compete in
everything. As they age, they feel put upon, and thus become quite defensive.
Becausesuchchildren are not made to respecttheir parents' advice, they
grow up not understanding what truly works, so they lack wisdom. This
failure reveals itselfin self-willand self-indulgence that can be takento the
point of sheer rebellion. It condemns children to learning the lessons oflife
through the hard, harsh experiences ofpersonalwarfare.

260. Why the Family?
The secondreasonGodwants us to learn to honor our parents is that the
family is also the basic building block of the Kingdom of God. The godly
principles learnedand the characterbuilt within the human family unit is
transferable into the spiritual family relationship of the Kingdom of God. God
expects a transference from parents to Him of the characterand manner of
living derived from keeping this commandment.
Parents are His representatives, His agents, to begin preparations for the
Kingdom of God. Thus the creative majesty and powerof God is honored and
revered in the parents when children obey them. The prophet writes in
Malachi2:10-16:
Have we not all one Father? Has not one God createdus? Why do we deal
treacherouslywith one another by profaning the covenantof the fathers?
Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in
Israeland in Jerusalem, for Judah has profaned the Lord's holy institution
which He loves:He has married the daughter of a foreign god. May the Lord
cut off from the tents of Jacobthe man who does this, being awake and aware,
yet who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts!
And this is the secondthing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with
tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regardthe offering anymore,
nor receive it with goodwillfrom your hands. Yet you say, 'For what reason?'
Becausethe Lord has been witness betweenyou and the wife of your youth,
with whom you have dealt treacherously;yet she is your companion and your
wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the
Spirit? And why one? He seeksgodlyoffspring. Therefore take heed to your
spirit, and let none deal treacherouslywith the wife of his youth. "Forthe
Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with
violence," says the Lord of hosts. "Therefore take heedto your spirit, that you
do not deal treacherously."
This passageis directed toward Judah generally and toward the priests
specificallyat a time when the institution of marriage was under attack.
Idolatrous marriages with foreign women were common, as was divorce.

261. Today, marriage is under attack generally, but specificallyfrom perverse
same-sexunions. The Jews of Malachi's day wonderedwhy, despite giving
their offerings to God, they were receiving no blessings from Him. His
answer:their idolatrous marriages and covenant-breaking divorces. He
specificallystates that a purpose of marriage is that He wants godly children
to be produced. These marriages were notproducing godly children.
The Hebrew word that is translatedas "godly" is elohim, used here as an
adjective. It means "filled with reverence and love for God; devout, pious;
belonging to or emanating from God." Godliness and holiness are not
specificallythe same: Godliness is a respectful, reverentialattitude, while
holiness indicates living as God does. As attributes, as qualities of character,
they are absolutely inseparable.
The conclusionis inescapable. After creating Adam and Eve and announcing
that He had createdthem in His image, God immediately establishes the
family through marriage. Marriage, therefore, plays an important role in
God's overall purpose of creating man in His image. This fact provides the
fifth commandment with its greatestdegree ofsignificance.
Child Training and Holiness
Notice the beginnings of two very important chapters regarding family
relationships in the Book of Holiness, Leviticus. The entire book of Leviticus
provides specific instruction pertaining directly to the subject of holiness. Of
course, the whole Bible deals with holiness, but no specific sectionso directly
focuses onit regarding family and community relations as Leviticus 18-20.
Holiness suggestsseparation, ofbeing specificallydifferent from others
because one is living much as God does. Hebrews 12:14 clearlystates its
importance: "Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no
one will see the Lord." If we are not separatedfrom the world by our conduct,
we will not be in God's Kingdom.
Leviticus 18:1-5 declares:
Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, "Speakto the children of Israel, and
say to them: 'I am the Lord your God. According to the doings of the land of

262. Egypt, where you dwelt, you shall not do; and according to the doing of the
land of Canaan, where I am bringing you, you shall not do; nor shall you walk
in their ordinances. You shall observe My judgments and keepMy
ordinances, to walk in them: I am the Lord your God. You shall therefore
keepMy statutes and My judgments, which if a man does, he shall live by
them: I am the Lord.'"
Notice that in this five-verse prelude Godemphasizes, "Don't copy the people
of those nations outside of Israel. Be different by keeping My laws." It
becomes clearwhenthis introduction is readalong with the laws that follow in
this and the next two chapters that God intends that separationfrom the
world begin in the home at the very earliestpoint in time possible. It should
begin in a child's infancy with a right example from the parents combined
with their positive instruction. Leviticus 19:2-4 adds:
Speak to all the congregationofthe children of Israel, and sayto them: "You
shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy. Every one of you shall revere
his mother and father, and keepMy Sabbaths:I am the Lord your God. Do
not turn to idols, nor make for yourselves molded gods: I am the Lord your
God."
These introductory verses provide the starting point for more specific
commands. It is as though God is saying, "This is the foundation of good
family and community relationships. Aim to be holy, to be different from
other nations, to be cleanin My eyes through your conduct of obeying My
laws. This will separate you."
Note an interesting feature. God draws attention to the fifth, the fourth, and
to the first and secondcommandments as His keys to accomplishing the
activation and growth of holiness, first in a family setting and then its spread
into the community. This indicates that in God's eyes—interms of holiness
and goodfamily and community relationships—keeping these commands are
the major guides and regulators, actually necessities, towardproducing family
and community success.Theyprovide a foundation for regulating social
relationships within both family and community.

263. Of specialinterest is the order God sets them in. Both honoring parents—and
most specificallythe mother, as she is mentioned first—and Sabbath-keeping
are mentioned before idolatry. In terms of goodfamily relationships, this is
the order the child is introduced to them. In an infant or young child's life,
mother is primary. Do not forget, God gives all of this instruction with one
common goalin mind: to produce holiness and goodfamily relationships.
Why does God say, "You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy"? It
is His way of pointing out to us, His converted children, that He Himself is the
Model, the Standard, we are to follow in our child-training practices. As His
children, He is the One we are to imitate.
The Importance of Parents
How important to God's purpose are the parents in this mix? God records in
Exodus 21:15, 17, "And he who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be
put to death. . . . And he who curses his father or his mother shall surely be
put to death." To modern child psychologists,these are shocking statements.
At the very least, they ought to give us pause to realize the seriousnessofbeing
constantly concernedabout our child-training responsibilities!
These verses do not in any way imply a child is to be beateninto submission.
They do mean that it is a tremendously serious responsibility to produce a
godly child who glorifies God. Our responsibility is to follow God's patterns in
child-training. He is patient and generous with His affections and mercies, yet
He also gives correctionin due seasonand in right measure.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 adds:
If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his
father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastenedhim, will
not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring
him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the
elders of his city. "This sonof ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey
our voice;he is a glutton and a drunkard." Then all the men of his city shall
stone him to death with stones;so you shall put awaythe evil from among
you, and all Israelshall hear and fear.

264. Here, the laws given in Exodus 21 are expanded on as the Israelites are about
to enter the Land of Promise. If a child were unmanageable and stubbornly
disobedient, the judges had a responsibility to back up the parents. However,
the right to kill was not given to the parents. This passage indicates a process
of evaluation by people not directly, and thus less emotionally, involved.
Interestingly, the addictions in the child are directly named. One is a drug
addiction, a major problem in our time.
Does it offend us that God's standard is so stern? Do we pass it off as being of
little consequence orsignificance?We should perhaps rethink this. Consider
what poor child-training is causing in Britain and America! Does not God
prophesy against"the drunkards of Ephraim" (Isaiah28:1, 3)?
God adds in Deuteronomy 27:16, "Cursedis the one who treats his father or
his mother with contempt." Ephraim (Israel) is under divine punishment,
cursed, because parenting and parents are consideredto be so unimportant.
Why is God so concerned? Notice this comment concerning Exodus 21:12-17
in the Keil and Delitzsch Commentary on the Old Testament:
Maltreatment of a father and mother through striking (v. 15), man-stealing (v.
16), and cursing parents (v. 17, cf. Lev 20:9), were all to be placedon a par
with murder, and punished in the same way. By the "smiting" (hikaah) of
parents we are not to understand smiting to death, for in that case waameet
would be added as in v. 12, but any kind of maltreatment. The murder of
parents is not mentioned at all, as not likely to occurand hardly conceivable.
The cursing (qaleelas in Gen 12:3) of parents is placedon a par with smiting,
because it proceeds from the same disposition; and both were to be punished
with death, because the majesty of Godwas violated in the persons of the
parents (cf. Ex 20:12). (Vol. 1, p. 133.)
Therein lies a major reasonfor keeping this commandment. The relationship
God intends within the family is an exacttype of the Christian's spiritual
relationship with God the Fatherand the church as mother. In the eyes of
God and in the eyes of a small child, a parent stands in the place of God
Himself. In the physical sense, the parents are the child's creator, provider,
lawgiver, teacher, and protector. A child's response to this relationship will in

265. large measure determine his later response to broader relationships in society
and beyond that to God Himself.
By direct implication, then, if as parents we representGod, it becomes our
obligation to live lives worthy of honor to Him. Ultimately, the responsibility
for keeping this commandment falls on the child. However, by carrying out
their responsibilities, the parents clearly lay the foundation for the child
keeping the commandment.
ParentalExample
The apostle Paulwrites in Ephesians 6:1, 4: "Children, obey your parents in
the Lord, for this is right. . . . And you fathers, do not provoke your children
to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." The
context obviously addresses children and parents. Paul makes it clearthat
children have a responsibility before God and that keeping the commandment
has definite benefits for them to anticipate receiving. This is in agreementwith
Deuteronomy 4:39-40, with which this article began.
One of the benefits he mentions is the prospectof long life, which also contains
an implication of prosperity. Not the leastof the additional benefits is the
gradual development of understanding and wisdom garneredfrom the
parents, which themselves help to produce long life and prosperity. Thus, in
an overall sense, he is reminding children that obedience to truth has its
rewards.
Is there an age at which or a circumstance under which the child's
responsibility to honor his parents undergoes a change? The answeris both
"Yes" and "No," which is why Paul qualifies his charge to children. His
qualification is contained within the phrase "in the Lord." It connotes whatis
within the boundaries of the Lord's way. In all cases, the responsibility to
honor one's parents diminishes when a child marries, and his first attention
must be given to the spouse. Cleaving to the spouse trumps the honoring of
parents. Paul qualifies this a step further by implying that, if the parents
demand submission beyond the bounds of Christian conduct, that is, not "in
the Lord"—suchas commanding a child to give up the Sabbath, lie in their
behalf, stealfor them, or bow down to an idol—in such casesthe child's choice

266. should be to submit to Christ rather than to his parents. Submitting to God's
commands trumps submitting to parent's commands that are beyond what
God commands us to do in order to stay "in the Lord."
In Ephesians 6:4, Paul directly addresses fathers. Connecting it to Colossians
3:21 will give us a broader view of what Paul is addressing:"Fathers, do not
provoke your children, lestthey become discouraged." Mothers canalso have
this problem, but fathers are by nature far more likely to commit this child-
training error. This verse is more clearly rendered, "Do not embitter or
exasperate your children lestthey become discouraged." The words "to
anger," as in the King James Version, are not in the Greek text. The apostle is
encouraging parents not to do things to their children like being overbearing,
constantly finding fault, and nagging. The final phrase indicates, ". . . for fear
that the child will become listless, moody, or sullen."
Paul appeals to parents to train their children thoughtfully, so that their
children's characters andpersonalities are formed without self-esteembeing
destroyed. He allows for correction, but at the same time he urges patience
with the children's inexperience. Correctionshould never be revenge. It must
be given for the child's goodbut always within measure to the infraction.
His directive in Ephesians 6:4 is stronger; it could easilybe translated, "Do
not enrage your children to anger." Discouragement, growing from
exasperation, tends to lead a person to give up. By contrast, enraging inclines
a person to fight back stubbornly. Neither is good, but the anger is the worse
of the two.
The words translated as "provoke" and "wrath" are exactly the same word in
Greek. The verse can legitimately be rendered as, "Do not enrage your
children to enragement." We might say, "Do not arouse your children to
rage." Overall, Paulis teaching us not to promote an angry mood or
disposition in our children. Doing so may boomerang on us because children
will eventually reflect the disposition of the parents. Firmness in correctionis
fine, but men, especially, must be careful about their temperament when they
give correction. Paulis talking about injustice, favoritism, over-correction,
neglect, and physical cruelty in correction.

267. Nurture and Admonition
The English word "nurture" indicates caring for and providing supportive
instruction. The underlying Greek word more specificallyinvolves
educationalfeeding or instruction, as if in schoolor for the purpose of
learning a discipline. The word thus covers verbal instruction, chastening, and
the use of drills neededto produce Christian character. It does not at all
indicate that any of these approaches is even harsh, let alone cruel. However,
it suggeststhat parents follow an organizedand consistentplan.
The term "admonition" means a warning, drawing specific attention to verbal
instruction. In summary, Paul touches on three areas vital to child training so
that children keepthe fifth commandment properly. "In the Lord" touches on
the standard or quality one is to strive for. "Nurture" indicates what is
physically done to and with the child in terms of consistent, regimented
training, including discipline. "Admonition" draws attention to what is said
and how it is said to the child.
Takentogether, then, Paul clearlyteaches that child-training is something
that can neither be left to chance nor sloughed off with a careless,resigned
attitude, as if it were merely a necessaryevil. The parents' vision must be
long-range. From parents applying right principles consistentlywill come the
gradual development of understanding and wisdom in the children. These are
precursors that help produce the promised long life and prosperity in the
commandment.
In I Thessalonians2:7-8, Paul uses himself and his relationship with the
Thessaloniancongregationas an example:
But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own
children. So, affectionatelylonging for you, we were wellpleasedto impart to
you not only the gospelof God, but also our own lives, because youhad
become dear to us.
He says he treatedthem with the tender affectionof a nursing mother,
striving hard so that no one could honestly charge him with taking anything
from them. They personally witnessedhow gently and consistentlyhe dealt

268. with them as a father does his children by appealing and encouraging them to
live their lives to glorify God in their conduct.
Ephesians 6:2 states that the fifth commandment is the first commandment
with promise. The secondcommandment contains a very generalpromise
looselytied to keeping all the commandments. The promise in the fifth
commandment is not generalbut specificallytied to meeting a specific
responsibility—honoring parents.
Notice that the commandment does not say, "Obeyyour father and your
mother." This is because honoring not only includes obedience but also goes
beyond it. Honoring suggestsadding to, glorifying, embellishing, and
decorating its object. Obedience can be given in a resentful manner, but
honoring requires admiration, respect, evenreverence. This quality must be
within one's heart, and it is acquired and built upon through thoughtful
consideration, evenmeditation, on the sacrificesand gifts the parents give to
the child.
Honoring is something that usually does not happen in the child until
adulthood, when the child has his own experiences as a parent to draw upon
to appreciate his parent's loving labors. This fact shows us that it is not too
late to grow in honoring our parents, and that God is aware, noticing and
rewarding with the blessing of long life. Obedience to parents as a child gets
one startedin the right direction and produces its own rewards.
Yet, the honoring of parents greatly increases the appreciationfor them. The
real rewards lie in the practice of honoring itself, rewards that affectour place
in the Kingdom of God because we have transferred giving honor to our
physical parents to giving spiritual and moral honor to God, our spiritual
Parent.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 declares this commandment's seriousnessto us:
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one!You shall love the Lord
your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall
teachthem diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in

269. your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise
up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets
betweenyour eyes. You shall write them on doorposts of your house and on
your gates.
Notice that child-training is directly linked with the first and great
commandment. The fifth commandment is aimed directly at parental
responsibility. If children grow up not honoring God, the blame largelyfalls
on the parents' shoulders. God intends this vital child-training responsibility
to lead children to honoring Him.
That is its goal. It requires consistentand devoted attention. It cannotbe
accomplishedby absent parents. If the parents do not know God, or if their
knowledge ofHim is shallow, and they are not practicing what they do know,
what will they pass on to their children? Worldliness. Both parents must be
dedicatedand deeply involved in honoring God in their own lives, if their
children are going to be prepared to perform the much more rewarding
practice of honoring God.
“Honor Your Fatherand Mother”
Exodus 20:12
When I walk through nursing homes and see the halls of elderly men and
women in various stages ofdeterioration, I wonder how many have families
who care. As I look on their faces, hungry for attention, I think of the fifth of
the TenCommandments, “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus
20:12)which was repeatedto the Jews by Jesus (Matthew 15:4) and was re-
taught to Christians by Paul (Ephesians 6:2). Honoring your parents involves
severalbiblical principles.

270. Honor your father and mother in youth by respecting your parent’s authority.
Ephesians 6:1–3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is
right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with
promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
The breakdownof authority that is creating chaos in our streets and schools
generates froma failure to learn respectfor the authority of father and
mother (Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2).
Honor your father and mother by living the wisdom they taught you. “A wise
son makes a glad father, but a foolishson is the grief of his mother” (Proverbs
10:1). Timothy was a greatexample of a grown man who honored the wise
teaching of his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5; 3:14–15).
Honor your father and mother by meeting their physical needs. As He
suffered on the cross, Jesusmade provision for His mother’s welfare (John
19:26–27).Paulexhorted children and grandchildren, “Let them first learn to
show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable
before God” (1 Timothy 5:4). Jesus criticizedthe Phariseeswho neglected
their parents’ needs, claiming their money was dedicatedto God (Mark 7:10–
12). How much more under condemnation will children be who neglect
parents out of selfishness?Suchmakes them worse than infidels (1 Timothy
5:8).
Honor your father and mother by respecting the difficulties that age has
brought them (Ecclesiastes 12:1–5). Be patient with their frailties. Remember
these people fed you, changedyour diaper, carried you about, and rose up in
the night when you cried. They worried overyour childhood illnesses, put up
with your immaturity, and paid your bills for almost20 years. If their age
brings some burdens to you, considerit as a long overdue repayment.

271. Honor your father and mother by seeing that their emotional needs are met.
“Do not despise your mother when she is old” (Proverbs 23:22). Elderly
parents go through the pain of watching as one-by-one their friends and
family members die. The day comes whendeath separates your father and
mother, and one is left alone. Are you there for them in those days of
loneliness? Do you continue to let them know how important they are to you?
“The tender words unspoken
The letters never sent
The long forgottenmessages
The wealthof love unspent
For these some hearts are breaking,
For these some loved ones wait,
So show them that you care for them
Before it is too late.”
As we look, not only at our parents, but at all the elderly, let’s remember one
day (if we live) we will be in their shoes, crippled with the pains of old age,
longing for companionship.
Someone has written …
“We are the old folks that you see
Who fast to life have clung,

272. And like us you will someday be,
For once we too were young.
We now are in life’s aftermath,
And by the grace ofGod
Your feet will travel o’er the path
Our wearyfeet have trod.
The things we should remember
Slip by us, just like time,
Our flame is now an ember,
And our efforts not in rhyme.
So treat us kindly as you pass.
And as your days unfold
Remember, time is going fast …
You, too, are growing old!”
“Rise up before the greyheaded, and honor the face of the aged…” (Leviticus
19:32).
Jones, P. (1994). “HonorYour Fatherand Mother” (Exodus 20:12). In M.
White (Ed.), Christianity Magazine:July 1994, Volume 11, Number 6 (M.
White, Ed.) (15). Jacksonville, FL: Christianity Magazine.
By Pat Jones
From Expository Files 20.1;January 2013

273. Spiritual Meaning of EXODUS 20:12
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AC 8896. Verse 12. Honorthy father and thy mother, that thy days may be
prolonged upon the land which Jehovahthy God giveth thee. "Honor thy
father and thy mother," signifies love for goodand truth, in the supreme sense
for the Lord and for His kingdom; "that thy days may be prolongedupon the
land," signifies the consequentstate of life in heaven;"which Jehovahthy
God giveth thee," signifies where the Divine is and the consequentinflux.
AC 8897. Honorthy father and thy mother. That this signifies love for good
and truth, in the supreme sense forthe Lord and for His kingdom, is evident
from the significationof "honoring," as being to love, for in the spiritual sense
"to honor" denotes to love, for the reasonthat in heavenone loves another,
and when he loves be also honors, for in honor there is love. Honor without
love is refused in heaven, nay, is rejected, because itis devoid of life from
good. From the significationof "father," as being good(n. 3703, 5581, 5902,
6050, 7833, 7834), andin the supreme sense the Lord as to Divine good(n. 15,
1729, 2005, 2803,3704, 7499, 8328);that the Lord in the supreme sense is the
"father," is because He gives new life to man, and thereby man becomes a son
and heir of His kingdom; and from the signification of "mother," as being
truth (n. 3703, 5581), andin the supreme sense the Lord as to Divine truth,
thus His kingdom, because the Divine truth which proceeds from the Lord
makes heaven. That the Divine truth of the Lord makes heaven, is because the
Lord as to Divine goodis in the other life the Sun, and as to the Divine truth is
the light. This Divine light from the Lord as the Sun is what illumines angelic
minds, and fills them with intelligence and wisdom, and makes them to be
angels of light. Divine goodis within Divine truth, as heat from the sun is
within the light in the time of spring and summer in the world.
AC 8898. Thatthy days may be prolonged upon the land. That this signifies
the consequentstate of life in heaven, is evident from the signification of "to
be prolonged," as being predicatedof good and its increase;from the
significationof "thy days," as being states oflife (n. 23, 487, 488, 493,893,

274. 2788, 3462, 3785,4850, 5672, 5962,6110, 7680, 8426);and from the
significationof "land," here the land of Canaan(because it is said to the sons
of Israel "whichJehovahthy God giveth thee"), as being the kingdom of the
Lord (n. 1413, 1437, 1607,1866,3038, 3481, 3686,3705, 4240, 4447). The
reasonwhy "to be prolonged" is predicatedof good and its increase, is that
length of days is duration of the time of life; and in heaventhere is neither
time nor space, but instead thereof state. Therefore as "to be prolonged" is
predicated of state as to good, it denotes its increase. That"length" is
predicted of good, and "breadth" of truth, (n. 1613, 4482);and that in heaven
there are no spaces, neitherare there times, but instead thereof states, (n.
1274, 1382, 2625,2755, 2837, 3254,3356, 3404, 3935, 4321,4814, 4882, 4901,
4916, 5605, 6110,7218, 7381).
AC 8899. WhichJehovahthy God giveth thee. That this signifies where the
Divine is and the consequentinflux, is evident from the fact that these words
are spokenof heaven, which is here signified by "the land" (n. 8898);
consequently"JehovahGod" denotes the Divine therein, and "to give"
denotes influx; for heaven in generalwith all, and in particular with eachone,
is the receptionof influx from the Divine. That such things are signified by the
commandment about honoring parents, may seemstrange, because theyare
remote from the sense of the letter. But be it known that the commandments
of the decalogue are rules of life both for those who are in the world and for
those who are in heaven - the sense ofthe letter or the external sense being for
those who are in the world, and the spiritual or internal sense for those who
are in heaven - and consequently both senses, externalas well as internal, are
for those who while they are in the world are also in heaven, that is, for those
who are in the goodof life according to the truths of doctrine. That the
commandments of the decalogue are also forthose who are in heaven, is plain
from the internal sense ofall things in the Word, and clearly from the fact
that the things which JehovahGod (that is, the Lord) Himself speaks, are not
only for men, or for the world; but are also for angels, nay, for the whole
heaven, because the Divine truth which proceeds from the Lord flows through
heaven and passes through down unto man. This is the case withthese ten
commandments, which the Lord Himself spake from Mount Sinai.

275. [2] Inasmuch as these commandments were spokennot only for those who are
in the world, but also for those who are in heaven, therefore they could not be
perceivedin the same way by both - as for instance this commandment, that
they should honor father and mother in order that their days might be
prolonged upon the land which JehovahGod would give them; for in heaven
parents and children do not come togetherthe same as on earth; and
therefore for "father" there they have the Lord, and for "mother" His
kingdom. Nor canit be said of those in heaven that their days would be
prolonged, because they live there to eternity; nor can "land" be understood
there as in this commandment to mean the land of Canaan, but instead the
heavenly Canaanor heaven. As by "fatherand mother" are meant the Lord
and His kingdom, therefore this commandment is the fourth in order, and
surpasses in holiness those which follow. The commandment concerning the
worship of Jehovah, that is, the Lord, is first and second, becausethe most
holy one. Next comes the commandment concerning the Sabbath, because by
this in the supreme sense is signified the union of the Divine Itself and the
Divine Human in the Lord. After this follows the commandment concerning
honoring parents, because by this is signified the love of the Lord and the
consequentlove of goodand truth which are from the Lord. As these things
are signified by this commandment, therefore contempt for parents is
enumerated among the crimes which are signified by "shedding blood" (Ezek.
22:6, 7) and for this reasondisobedientand rebellious sons were stoned(Deut.
21:18-21).
AC 8900. Thatby "father" is meant the Lord, and by "mother" His kingdom,
has been shownjust above (n. 8897). But lest perchance the mind be in doubt
whether by "mother" in the internal sense is meant the kingdom of the Lord,
that is, heaven, I may add the following to what was saidabove. In the Word
by "mother" is meant the church (n. 289, 4257, 5581), whichalso on this
accountis at one time called"the bride," and at another "the wife," of the
Lord; and as the kingdom of the Lord is the same as the church, with only this
difference, that the kingdom of the Lord on the earth is called"the church,"
therefore this also is signified by "mother." Forthis reasonthe sons born of
this mother are truths, and are called"the sons of the kingdom" (Matt.
13:38); (n. 3373). Moreoverto all those who are therein the Lord‘s kingdom is

276. their country, and one’s country is "mother" in a natural sense, as the church
is "mother" in the spiritual sense.
EXODUS 20:12 previous - next - text - summary - Exodus - Full Page
Author: E. Swedenborg (1688-1772).
Design: I.J. Thompson, Feb2002.
Exodus 20:12
The ten commandments are not the ten suggestions!(Note the cartoonin the
bulletin) They do not provide for eternallife, but they do give us principles to
govern our lives. The first four dealt with our relationship with God, and the
rest deal with our relationship to others. This is the first of the
commandments that deal with our relationship towardothers. This rule is a
fundamental responsibility in human relations. Common sense tells us we
need some rules for preserving and strengthening family life. Statistics show
family life is crumbling. Yet to God, the family is a primary source for
blessing and guidance for human lives. Respectforparents has become a
forgottenvirtue. Old Testamentplaces greatemphasis on agedand parents
particularly.
(LEV 19:32) "THOU SHALT RISE UP BEFORETHE HOARY HEAD, AND
HONOUR THE FACE OF THE OLD MAN, AND FEAR THY GOD:I AM
THE LORD."
(EXO 21:15) "AND HE THAT SMITETHHIS FATHER, OR HIS
MOTHER, SHALL BE SURELY PUT TO DEATH."
(EXO 21:17) "AND HE THAT CURSETHHIS FATHER, OR HIS
MOTHER, SHALL SURELY BE PUT TO DEATH."
Note:Deu 21:18-21

277. (PROV 22:6) "TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO: AND
WHEN HE IS OLD, HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT."
This is definitely one of the commandments that is taught againin the New
Testament. Jesus taughtwe are to keepthis command and Paul addressedthe
importance of this as well.
(MAT 19:19) "HONOUR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER:AND,
THOU SHALT LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR AS THYSELF."
(EPH 6:2-3) "HONOUR THY FATHER AND MOTHER;WHICH IS THE
FIRST COMMANDMENTWITH PROMISE;{3} THAT IT MAY BE
WELL WITH THEE, AND THOU MAYEST LIVE LONG ON THE
EARTH."
Failure to honor parents is an indication of a spiritual problem. Some excuse
such behavior by saying, ‘Oh well, they are teenagers....orthat it is just a
phase...." Butthe Word of God points out that it is an indication of someone
who is lost. (ROM 1:30) "BACKBITERS, HATERS OF GOD, DESPITEFUL,
PROUD, BOASTERS, INVENTORS OF EVIL THINGS, DISOBEDIENT
TO PARENTS,"
(2 TIM 3:2) "FOR MEN SHALL BE LOVERS OF THEIR OWN SELVES,
COVETOUS, BOASTERS,PROUD, BLASPHEMERS, DISOBEDIENTTO
PARENTS, UNTHANKFUL, UNHOLY,"
I. Four things this command does not require:
A. It does not require that we think our parents are perfect, because they
aren’t.
(ROM 3:23) "FOR ALL HAVE SINNED, AND COME SHORT OF THE
GLORY OF GOD;"
B. It does not require us to believe our parents are always right, because they
aren’t.
(ROM 3:10) "AS IT IS WRITTEN, THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NO,
NOT ONE:"

278. C. It does not require us to believe they are totally worthy of honor, because
they don’t.
D. It does not mean we have to enjoy them or be like them.
1. The example of my father:
2. I didn’t enjoy him being the way he was when I was growing up...but I
should have honored him.
3. There were many things about my father that I didn’t want to emulate.
4. But I still should have, and do today, honor him.
II. The Reasons forthe Commandment.
A. The national reason.
1. This was for Israel.
2. A promise of long life in the land that God was giving them.
3. If we want the blessing of God upon our lives, we must honor our parents.
B. The spiritual reason.
(COL 3:20) "CHILDREN, OBEYYOUR PARENTS IN ALL THINGS: FOR
THIS IS WELL PLEASING UNTO THE LORD."
1. We ought to honor our parents in order to honor and please the Lord.
2. It is the right thing to do.
(EPH 6:1) "CHILDREN, OBEYYOUR PARENTS IN THE LORD: FOR
THIS IS RIGHT."
C. The PracticalReason.
1. Becausethis commandment carries with it a promise.
2. Because:One day you will want your children to honor you.
3. Children do learn how to respond to others by how we interact with them.

279. 4. Goodcitizenship begins at home, and learning how to be goodChristians
begins at home as well.
III. How do we obey this command?
A. Through willful obedience.
1. This is not natural.
2. Our natural tendency is to do our own thing and go our own way.
3. No one knows a child like a parent.
4. God has given us as parents the responsibility to rear our children and He
has equipped us to do it properly.
5. When we chooseto obey them it is an honor to them. (We are not under the
threat of death as they were in the O.T.)
6. We honor our parents by willful obedience to them, because we wantto
please God.
B. Expressedappreciation.
1. I am talking about thanking them for all that they do.
2. Some young people have the attitude that they deserve this or that simply
because they are alive.
3. We honor our parents when we express our appreciation to them for all
that they do.
4. That is having a gratefulspirit.
C. Frequent communication.
1. Many of us have bought into the devil’s lie...generationgap.
2. I just can’t talk to my parents....orI just can’t talk to my kids.
3. When in reality it is ... I just don’t talk...

280. 4. There isn’t a problem or difficulty that cannotbe overcome by good
communication and application of Biblical principles.
D. Serve as an example to your own children.
1. Teaching your own children to respecttheir grandparents.
2. Caring for them when they're frail.
3. Applying the principles in our own life that we want to see in our children’s
life.
(PROV 10:1) "THE PROVERBS OF SOLOMON. AWISE SON MAKETH
A GLAD FATHER:BUT A FOOLISHSON IS THE HEAVINESS OF HIS
MOTHER."
Our relationship to our parents should be a reflectionof our relationship to
our Heavenly Father. It is to be one of honor and respectthat is punctuated
by our willing obedience.
How is your relationship with God today? Do we honor Him with our lives? Is
He proud of us? Or do we cause Him to be grieved? He loved us so much that
He gave His Son to be a sacrifice for our sin. Jesus died in our place. Have you
acknowledge Him this morning? Do you know Him as Savior and Lord? If
not, I invite you to come and accept Him today.
Christian, do we make the Lord proud of us? Is our lives a reflectionof willful
obedience to His commands? The choice is ours, will you come this morning
and choose to serve Him with your lives?
http://www.brandonweb.com/sermons/sermonpages/exodus13.htm

281. 8
The prohibition of killing in the sixth commandment asserts that people have
a value to
God and are under God‟s protective custody.
24
Human beings, being creatures, do not get to
decide the terms by which life is taken. How we relate to one another should
be dictated by our
understanding that God creates andgives life. The giftedness of life from God
is a theological
conceptthat should dictate how we understand all human relations. The sixth
commandment
offers a command that creatures do not getto decide when life ends, only the
creatordoes.
The People of God‟s relationshipwith

282. YHWH is likened to that of a marriage. The
language to describe failing to obey YHWH in Hosea 1-3 is describedin the
same way that
adultery is spokenof in the seventh commandment and in the Book of the
Covenant. Sin, being
both a state of existence as wellas a type of action, finds its theological
analogyin the idea of
adultery. Humanity‟s relationship with God must therefore be understood
through the lenses of
monogamy and fidelity that are prescribedin the seventh commandment.
EXODUS 20.12-14AND THE NEW TESTAMENT
The authors of the New Testamentapproach the Ten Commandments in
interesting ways.
While in the gospelaccounts one finds Jesus applying new interpretations and
intensifications to
parts of the Decalogue,one also encounters the author of Ephesians
appropriating aspects of the
secondtable in their household codes. Thatthe fifth commandment is the first
commandment
with a
promise
attachedto it is significantenough for the author of Ephesians to call attention
to
that fact in Ephesians 6. Here the author envisions how this commandment
contributes to both
the health of households as well as the health of the community as a whole. In
Matthew‟s

283. Gospel, Jesus intensifies the sixth commandment to include anger(Matt. 5.21-
26). While the
sixth commandment‟s primary focus is the taking of life, Jesus‟refocusing of
this commandment
now includes one‟s ownheart.
In the gospels Jesusalso redefines the focus of the seventh
commandment to include lust within one‟s ownheart. While in the Exodus
and Deuteronomy
presentations ofthis commandment only the physical actof adultery is dealt
with, Jesus seems
very concernedwith what is going on within both hearts and minds.
25
At leastas it concerns the sixth and seventh commandments, the New
Testamentseems
to suggestthat the community who claims the God of the Exodus as their deity
are to take the
outward actions prescribed in the Decalogueand apply them to one‟s heart.
The taking of life
and actof adultery are no longerexclusively to be conceivedas physical
actions but also as how
one actually perceives their neighbors. The implication here is just as one‟s
outward actions can
do harm to those around them, their inner thoughts can also be just as
harmful.
EXODUS 20.12-14AND ETHICS

284. The very nature of the subject matter addressedin these commandments
demands that
ethical reflectionbe a part of their interpretation and application. These
commandments are not
only theologicaldescriptions ofhow God intends the world to operate (though
that is indeed and
aspectof the Decalogue), but instead they are also intensely focusedon action.
If ethics are about
the right and just perception and treatment of the “other” then these
commandments cannot be
approachedwithout the topic of ethics being in view.
These commandmen
ts present God‟s preferential option of the oppresseddue to a
genuine awarenessthatthose who are less powerful within a community are
likely to be the ones
oppressed.
26
Specificallywith the fifth and seventh commandments one can begin to engage
with
24
Brueggemann,
The New Interpreter's Bible,
850.
25
Enns, 423.

285. 26
Stassen, 366.
9
the various forms of oppressionthat cantake place within the home. Elderly
parents are in
danger of oppressionin that they are easily forgottenand lookedoverwhen it
comes to the lives
of a household. Justice is a much more far-reaching and nuanced thing than
just making sure that
a person‟s (aging parents in the case ofthe fifth commandment) physical
needs are met. Justice
along with meeting needs, means taking part and in
one another‟s lives;it means relationships.
The commandments offer a biblical definition of justices as restorative and
delivering.
Right relationships within the householdare restoredas the current
generationof parents both
learns to care for their aging parents as well as teachtheir own children how
to do the same. This
vision of justice is holistic in that it reaches into every corner of human life
and relationships.
The just care of those within the household is put at risk by how we perceive
others within our

286. own hearts; honor parents as well as not committing adultery starts within.
Ethics, as they are
conceivedin these commandments, must be understood in both psychological
as well as
sociologicalterms.
Much of contemporaryethical discourse concerning life has to do with the
language of
“rights.” Humans are described as having and being owedcertain “rights,”
one of which is that
of a right to life. The sixth commandment offers a completely different
understanding of the
issue of life. The Decaloguepresents anethical worldview that is not focused
on “rights” but
instead on what it means to be a createdbeing. Humans are not owed life, but
instead life is
given to them as a gift by a God who has acted within human history to give it.
Life is not a
“right” to be sought after but insteada gift to be celebratedand protecte
d. To understand life
through the lens of “rights” means to put it into the wrong category.
What does the sixth commandment have to say to the people of God
concerning
violence? The community that claims to worship the God that gave the Ten
Commandments is a
community who believes that they do not get to decide when life is taken. Life
is a gift from God
and only God candictate when it can be taken.

287. Coupled with Jesus‟ intensificationof this
commandment in the gospels, the question must be raised as to whether or not
Christians are
even permitted to take life at all? In the sixth commandment the people of
God are commanded
not to take vengeance into their own hands. In the intensification in the
gospels Jesuscommands
his followers noteven to have angertowards others. Can a community take
life without anger
being involved? This may not be a question that can be answeredseparated
from the tangible
experiences from actualcommunities. This is just a further aspectof how
ethical discourse can
never take place in the realm of abstraction, but instead must be focusedon
actualevents.
10
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Biddle, Mark E.
Deuteronomy
. Smyth & Helwys Biblical Commentary. Macon:Smyth &
Helwys Publishers, 2003.
Brenner, Athalya, and Gale Yee, eds.

288. Exodus and Deuteronomy
. Texts@Contexts.Minneapolis:
Fortress Press,2012.
Brueggemann, Walter.
Deuteronomy
. Abingdon Old TestamentCommentary. Nashville:
Abingdon Press, 2001.
Brueggemann, Walter, Terence E. Fretheim, Walter C Kaiser, and Leander
E. Keck.
The New
Interpreter's Bible: GeneralArticles & Introduction, Commentary, &
Reflections for
EachBook ofthe Bible, Including the Apocryphal/deuterocanonicalBooks.
Vol I.
Nashville:Abingdon Press, 1994.
Dowey, Edwar
d. “Law in Luther and Calvin.”
TheologyToday
41 (1984):146-153.
Enns, Peter.
Exodus
. The NIV Application Commentary. Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing
House, 2000.

289. Eskenazi, Tamara Cohn, and Andrea L. Weiss, eds.
The Torah:a Women's Commentary
. New
York: URJ Press, 2008.
Harrelson, Walter J. “The Ten Commandments and Religious Life Today.”
Perspectivesin
Religious Studies
35 (Winter 2008):411-425.
Leonard, Bill J. “Early Baptists and the Ten Commandments.”
Perspectivesin Religious Studies
35 (Winter 2008):387-391.
Miller, Patrick D.
Deuteronomy
. Interpretation, A Bible Commentary for Teaching and
Preaching. Louisville: John Knox Press, 1990.
______.“Preaching the TenCommandments.”
Journal for Preachers
25, no. 2 (2002):3-10.
Nelson, RichardD.
Deuteronomy:A Commentary
. Old TestamentLibrary. Louisville:
WestminsterJohn Knox Press, 2002.
Plaut, W. Gunther.

290. The Torah:a ModernCommentary
. New York: Union of American Hebrew
Congregations, 1981.
Stassen, GlenH. “The TenCommandments: Deliverance for the Vulnerable.”
Perspectivesin
Religious Studies
35 (Winter 2008):357-371.
Tigay, Jeffrey H.
Deuteronomy:The Traditional Hebrew Text with the New JPS Translation
.
Philadelphia: The JewishPublication Society, 2003.
https://www.academia.edu/3846906/Reflection_Essay_on_Exodus_20.12-14
Honor Fatherand Mother (Exodus 20:12)
Jul 26, 2009 |Exodus, Sermons, Ten Commandments
This summer we’re working our way through the Ten Commandments,
asking what they mean and how they apply to our lives today. We’re looking
at them because oftheir uniqueness – because they are the only time in
redemptive history that God himself spoke to all of his people assembledin
one place. We’re also looking at them because Jesusreaffirmed many of these
commands, therefore showing that they’re still relevant to us today thousands
of years after they were given.

291. Today we’re looking at one that you may think doesn’t apply to you. You may
think that nine apply, but this one is for others, specificallykids. The fifth
commandment says:
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the
LORD your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)
So today I want to ask four simple questions:
What does this command teach?
What did Jesus sayabout this command?
What are some of the wider implications of this command?
How do we keepit?
First, what does this command teach?
I have some bad news for you if you think that this command doesn’t apply to
you, because contraryto what some have thought, this is not a command that
is only for children. This command was given to the entire national of Israel
gatheredat Sinai, most of whom were adults. In other words, this is a
command given not just to kids but to adults as well. The command,
regardless ofyour age, is this: honor your father and mother.
The word honor has the idea of weight. It carries the idea of not taking your
parents lightly, of regarding them as something significantand heavy in your
life. It means giving them the highest esteem, ofelevating them to a place of
importance in your life, and showing gratitude to them. God commands us:
Treatyour parents weightily; regardthem as people of great worth. Treat
them with deference. Take themvery seriously in your life.
In the very early years, this happens naturally. If you see a very young child,
you know that at a certain stage, motherand father are everything. Young
children only want their parents. What their parents think of them is the only
thing that matters. At a certain stage, childrensee parents as absolutely
perfect.

292. But as children grow, this changes, andit should. We’ve all become more
independent of our parents. Our lives give other people and other influences
greaterweight. We’re very aware of the faults of our parents. It’s at this point
that God stops us and says:don’t you dare grow so removed from your
parents, or so disillusioned with them, that you stop giving them a place of
weighty importance in your lives. Don’t you dare stop caring for them,
showing deference to them, speaking highly of them. Next to God, your
parents are to receive the greatestrespectandvalue in your life. Disrespecting
them is a serious matter. Refusing to honor them is not just an offense to
them; it’s also an offense to God, and a very serious matter.
Do you see how relevant and how challenging this command is? It’s especially
challenging because there’s no exceptionclause for those of us who had less-
than-perfect parents – and some of us did. As Martin Luther said, this
command applies no matter how “lowly, poor, frail, and queer they may be.”
The Heidelberg Catechismsays it involves patiently bearing “with their
weaknessesand infirmities.” This is not for perfectfamilies with perfect
parents and perfectkids; this is for all of us. This is for those of us who have
parents who sometimes drive us crazy, or whose faults are very plain to us.
God says that we are to honor that imperfect father who may have hurt us,
and to honor our imperfect father. Noteasy, but it’s what this command is
about.
We’re going to look at what this means in practicalterms in a minute, but
before we move on we have to notice that this is the first commandment, as
the apostle Paulwrites later, with a promise. God says, “Honoryour father
and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your Godis
giving you.” This, of course, was givento the people of Israelwho were
promised a land. The apostle Paul translates this promise to those of us who
know Christ: “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life
on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:3). What does this promise mean? It’s not an
individual promise as much as it is a corporate one. Obeying all of God’s laws
is the way to life. It’s the best possible way to live well. And honoring parents
is crucial to the basic functioning of societyin every way – socially,
economically, and spiritually. Whenever the basic structure of the family
breaks down, it threatens the well-being of the entire society. Life becomes

293. diminished for everyone. But when we honor and care for our parents, we
create a socialclimate that enhances the possibility of a goodand long life, not
only for eachperson but for societyas a whole.
That’s what this command means. Now we have to ask:
What did Jesus sayabout this command?
It’s always interesting to see what Jesus saidabout these commandments. He
taught on many of them in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus didn’t talk about
the fifth commandment in that sermon, however. Instead, he referred to it
when he confrontedsome of the most religious people who lived at the time,
who thought they had found a way around this commandment.
In Matthew 15:4-6, Jesus said:
And why do you break the command of God for the sake ofyour tradition?
For God said, “Honor your father and mother” and “Anyone who curses their
father or mother is to be put to death.” But you saythat if anyone declares
that what might have been used to help their father or mother is ‘devoted to
God,’ they are not to ‘honor their father or mother’ with it. Thus you nullify
the word of God for the sake ofyour tradition.
So let’s notice what Jesus says here. First, he affirms that this is a command of
God. The command to honor our parents, according to Jesus, is of divine
origin. Second, he quotes Exodus 21:17, which says, “Anyone who curses their
father or mother is to be put to death.” Notice how serious this command is:
in Israel, God’s covenantcommunity, disrespecting parents is placedamongst
commands dealing with death and physical injury, and failing to honor them
is a capital crime. We don’t live in a theocracy – under the direct rule of God
– so the punishment no longer applies, but Jesus affirms that this is not only a
command from God, but that breaking this command is an incredibly serious
matter.
But then Jesus confronts a group of adults who outwardly agreedwith this
command, but thought they had found a loophole around it. Jewishtradition
allowedthat funds originally dedicated to the care of parents could be
declaredCorban – legally dedicatedto God – meaning that you would no

294. longerbe required to do anything to financially support your aging parents.
Instead of giving money to your parents, you would instead give the money to
the temple. Some scholars think that you were actually able to keepthe money
yourself and benefit from it, as long as it was dedicatedto God.
In essence, they thought they had found a wayout of financially supporting
parents by playing the spiritual trump card. Jesus had no time for this. He
said that this is actuallya wayof nullifying the word of God. They not only
violated one a commandment and disrespectedtheir parents; they also
showedcomplete disregardfor the word of God.
Do you see what Jesus has done here? He has not only reaffirmed the
commandment to honor our parents, but he has emphasized its importance in
the strongestofterms. He’s reaffirmed that this commandment applies to
adult children, and he’s fleshedout what honor means. Honor means
financially supporting our aging parents. The apostle Paul reenforcesthis too
when he says, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially
for their ownhousehold, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever”
(1 Timothy 5:8). Providing financially for our family is a spiritual issue. If we
do not do this, it shows that we have not graspedthe gospel. It is tantamount
to denying the faith that we profess to believe.
So Jesus does not qualify this command or weakenit for us. Instead, Jesus
reenforces it in the strongestpossible terms, and helps us see that honoring
means practicallycaring for the needs of our parents, including looking after
their financial needs. To fail to do this is not only disrespectful to our parents;
it also nullifies God’s word and implicitly a denial of the gospel. This is heavy
stuff.
I want to stop here to ask about some of the wider implications of this
command.
I want to be brief here and point out that, throughout the church’s history,
Christians have seenthis as a command that applies not only to our
relationship to our parents, but to all authority. At first you may roll your
eyes and think that they’re taking things a bit too far, but think about it for a
minute. Martin Luther said, “Out of the authority of parents, all other

295. authority is derived and developed.” Think about this. God has placed us in
families, and the Bible teaches us that the family is the basic unit of society. In
essence, the other structures developed when families got larger, so that the
state or government is really, in essence,a very complicatedextension of the
family. This is a very different way of thinking. John Frame writes, “What we
call ‘states,” then, are the governmental structures of the family of Adam.”
This is why the catechisms emphasize that this command applies not only to
our relationship with parents, but it applies in a much wider wayas well.
That’s why, for instance, the Baptist catechismsays, “The fifth commandment
requires that we preserve the honor and perform the duties which belong to
every one in their various roles as authorities, subordinates or equals.”
There’s one other wider implication. One day when Jesus’family came to visit
him, Jesus said:
“Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.
Then he lookedatthose seatedin a circle around him and said, “Here are my
mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister
and mother.” (Mark 3:34-35)
If we are thinking of ways to honor our families, we also have to think not
only in terms of parents and authorities. We also need to think of our fellow
believers. The gospelturns us into a family. We are far more than just an
audience. Bloodis thicker than water; the blood that unites us as family is the
blood not of physical descent, but of Jesus’ownblood, shed on the cross.
When we really understand this command, it transforms not only the way we
honor our parents; it will transform the way we relate to all authority. It will
help us even see our relationship with eachother within the church in new
ways. It’s what the apostle Peterwas getting at when he wrote, “Show proper
respectto everyone, love your fellow believers, fear God, honor the emperor”
(1 Peter2:17). This command is about honoring parents, authorities, and our
spiritual family, for the goodof all.
Well, let’s finish by asking what may be the most important question this
morning: how do we keepthis command?

296. There are probably few times in history in which the fifth commandment
could be more countercultural, more timely, more necessary. We need this
commandment. Mostof us have been taught to question authority. Our
children are taught to be autonomous at a very early age. The fifth
commandment reminds us of the importance of submitting and honoring
those who are in rightful authority over us, especiallyour parents. We tend to
be very individualistic. So this commandment challenges us in some very
practicalways.
Let me speak to parents. You’ve probably heard of Grimm’s Fairy Tales. One
of the lesserknownstories is of a very old man, “whose eyes hadbecome dim,
his ears dull of hearing, his knees trembled, and when he sat at table he could
hardly hold the spoon, and spilt the broth upon the table-cloth or let it run out
of his mouth.” His son and the son’s wife became so disgustedby him that
they banished him from the table, and when he broke his bowl they made him
eat of a trough. They treated him horribly.
One day the couple’s son, who was four years old, beganto make something
out of wood. The parents were touched and said, “Whatare you making?” “I
am making a little trough,” answeredthe child, “for father and mother to eat
out of when I am big.” The couple lookedat eachother and wept, realizing
that they were teaching their son how to treat them when they gotolder. And
they brought the grandfather back to the table, and from that point on they
always let him eatwith them, and they never complained even if he did spill a
little of anything.
You getthe idea. The way that you are treating your parents as adults is
teaching your children how to one day treat you. How this applies will look
different in every circumstance, but the principle is clear: honor your father
and mother. How are you doing in keeping this command? We need to ask
how we are caring for our parents financially, socially, emotionally. To the
degree that we are indifferent to their needs, to that degree are we
diminishing the possibilities of a well-functioning societyfor all.
You need to teachyour children how to respectauthority, and the bestway to
do this is to teach them not only with your words but with your example. Your

297. children need discipline, but they also need your example. Teachthem to
honor parents and authorities by the way that you honor parents and
authorities.
Our societytalks a lot about deadbeat parents who fail to take care of their
underage children. But there’s such a thing as deadbeatsons and daughters,
who fail to care for their feeble parents. We need to teachour children not to
be deadbeat kids, both by teaching them God’s Word and demonstrating
what it means to honor parents by our behavior.
Now let me speak about how this applies to church. This commandment
transforms our family relationships and it transforms our view of authority,
but it also translates our view of church. The church is not something that I
attend or that I’m part of when it suits me. It is Jesus’own family, united by
his blood. This means that we are called, as Petersays, to love one another.
We’re called not only to honor parents and authorities, but to love those in
our spiritual family for the goodof all.
This is why church is so countercultural. People will get if you go to a church
that’s hip and that you enjoy. They won’t understand you committing to
people who costyou something, who are sometimes annoying and
inconvenient. They won’t understand you loving others and sacrificing for
their goodwhen it costs you. But that’s what it means to be part of Christ’s
family. It means committing to a particular group of people and loving them
sacrificially.
The fifth commandment pulls us out of our selfishness andlets us live for
others, not only our parents but for all that God has placed in authority, not
to mention all others who have been savedby Jesus blood. What could
possibly pull us out of our selfishness so we canlive for others? Becausewe
serve a Savior who perfectly honored his own Father and gave his life so that
we could be changed.
Father, we thank you for this commandment. We see today that it applies to
us, and that it’s crucial that we follow it. I pray that you would help us see its
importance, not only for us, but for our children and our church as well.

298. We pray for those today who have not been honoring their parents as they
should. Give them the grace that they need so that they will care for their
parents by speaking wellof them, forgiving them, and supporting them in
practicaland financial ways.
We pray for parents. Pleaseallow us as parents to teachour children the
importance of honoring those in authority.
We pray for our church. Teachus that we are family, and allow us to be free
to love and serve our fellow believers.
All of this is possible because we have a Savior who not only honored his
Father perfectly, but who died so that we could be forgiven and changed. May
every person here be transformed by trusting in Christ. We pray in Jesus’
name. Amen.
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