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Profile
1. Bhawna Monga
Author, Blogger & Emotional Well Being Expert
www.bhawnamonga.com
Fb.com/bhawnamongaworldfullofneedles
Info@bhawnamonga.com
2. About
The author is a debutante and has just stepped in
the writing world with an ambition to help people with
their relationships. Bhawna holds a degree of MBA in
HR, a Masters in Sociology, a Diploma in Education
planning and management and a Post Graduate
D i p l o m a i n P s y c h o l o g i c a l c o u n s e l l i n g .
She works in the domain of Emotional Wellness and
has touched many lives by now. Bhawna is settled in
New Delhi with her husband and two kids.
Bhawna Monga
3. World full of Needles
Needles, they hurt, don’t they? Imagine going
around with a needle jammed on the bottom of
your feet for years. The bitter truth is that most
of us are doing that, not realising how. The
needles exist in our relationships, with
o u r s e l v e s , o r p e o p l e a r o u n d u s .
This book brings to you fifteen beautiful stories
of beautiful people and how they managed to
pick the needle off from the bottom of their feet
and learnt to walk again, to love again, to live
their lives again.
Bhawna Monga
5. “The book will make you reflect on your own life. If you are going
through a confused or negative phase in your life, author Bhawna
Monga’ s book World Full of Needles is what you need.”
-hindustantimes
L
ook around you... how many
energy bunnies do you see?
Probably none. Maybe one. At
the most, two. Now count the ones
slouching – either in their cubicles, on
the metro or even at home? How
many are there? Doctors say, one in
five of us, is in a state of near-perma-
nent exhaustion.
Physicians have a handy acronym
for this syndrome where patients com-
plain of fatigue al the time – TATT
(TiredAll The Time) . General physician
Dr Dheeraj Dayal says, “These days, I
treat more people for exhaustion than
fever or sore throat. Sometimes, it’s
chronic and they get hospitalised. Oth-
ers need a holistic plan to learn how to
relax – a change in their lifestyle.”
WHY ARE WE ALWAYS SO TIRED?
Research by market analysts Mintel re-
veals that one in three of us admits they
are permanently worn out because of
the pace of modern life.As a result, sales
of supplements such as ginseng, ener-
gy drinks and power bars have shot up
like never before.
As we move to a 24/7 work culture,
more time is spent at our desks, there’s
no time to relax at home with loved
ones, not enough vacations to rest our
tired, body, mind and soul. Add this
to the lack of exercise and clean
breathing air, and you get an exhaus-
tion epidemic.
Psychologist Bhawna Monga says,
“The problem is that people aren’t
aware of just how tired they are, and
even if some are, they don’t allow
themselves a serious chance to recov-
er. There’s a paranoia that they will
lose everything, if they let go of a few
things and relax.”
TWO WORLDS COLLIDE
A study done by the Economista few
years ago said that we are more ex-
hausted than any other generation so
far in history. They called the 30-some-
things a victim of two trends colliding
– acceleration and slowing down at the
same time. The need to accelerate in-
volved work goals. To rise in a position
of CEOs or top bosses in any organisa-
tion; the priming begins a decade be-
fore. So 30-somethings do not have the
time to slow down. Yet, this is also the
time most people settle down, have
kids. So there’s a demand to slow down
at home. It’s this constant pull and
push of the two polar opposite de-
mands made on our bodies and minds
that has left our generation on the edge.
MAKE A POSITIVE PLAN
The question is how does one learn to
slow down and relax? Experts say you
have to be prepared to deal with ex-
haustion head-on. If you see the symp-
toms, accept the fact that you’re tired.
Then get your action plan ready.
„ Try breathing: Breathing is the
most elemental and immediate way
to beat stress. But there’s a difference
between breathing to live and breath-
ing to thrive. If you make a conscious
effort to deepen your breathing, you
will sleep better, gain more control
over your moods.
„ Connect with nature: Nature has
built-in mechanisms for relieving stress.
According to the Center for Disease
Control, as many as 148 industrial
chemicals move through our blood-
stream at any given moment. Make
sure you go to a park every day, and see
natural beauty without long gaps.
„ Rest: Insufficient sleep causes major
energy drain. Don’t stay awake to play
with your gadgets.
„ Resentments and Regrets: Holding
on to anger or sadness depletes our en-
ergy and kills our soul slowly. Learn to
let go of resentments. According to ex-
perts, emotional togetherness helps
people gain energy. Surround yourself
with family, friends, well-wishers.
In our day and age,
when few of us
have physically
demanding jobs,
we are wiping
ourselves out
through
psychological
factors
—Elliot Berkman,
professor of psychology
THE JADED
GENERATION
Nona.Walia@timesgroup.com
mind matters
BLACKBIRDS
FEEL THE
PRESSURE TOO!
A research between Glasgow
University and the Max
Planck Institute for
Ornithology in Germany,
came up with the conclu-
sion that city living signifi-
cantly alters our daily body clock,
making us active for longer, and less
rested. The group studied stress fac-
tors in male blackbirds in cities when
left in the wild. The city blackbirds
began their daily activities around 30
minutes before dawn, while forest
birds began their day as the sun rose.
The city birds ended their days around
nine minutes later, meaning they were
active for about 40 minutes longer
each day and the urban birds’ circadi-
an (daily) rhythms were altered, run-
ning faster by 50 minutes than forest
birds and being clearly less robust.
This research proved that even an ani-
mal species’ internal clock changed
while sharing human habitat.
PICS: THINKSTOCK
We are tired even
before waking up,
go through the
motions like robots
through the day, and
sleep eludes us at
night because of
fatigue.The
exhaustion
epidemic is upon
us. How did we
reach here?
Surprises always work on a
date. And they do not
necessarily have to be
expensive.
Sometimes, even
a small gift like a
flower, a title by
her favourite
author, or her
favourite food
(like a pie or ice
cream) that she may
have mentioned during
a conversation, works. “It
also shows that you are a good listener, and
can earn you some brownie points,”
adds Monga.
tuesday, july 5, 2016, mumbai,webwww.mid-day.com, twitter@mid_day must read
Sing along on this
SoBo cinema walk
PAGE 27| EVENT
health
RELATIONSHIPS
Blame it on the movies, but most of us grow
up imagining that stalking and passing lewd
remarks are an important step to getting a
girl’s attention. While it’s okay for a Salman
Khan to do it in a movie and a Varun Dhawan
to ape it, in real life this will get you “nothing
more than a slap, sandals and in some cases,
jail,” says Bhawna Monga, Mumbai-based
relationship expert. What’s worse? “It creates
a lot of pressure in the woman, and may end
up scarring your date,” warns Monga.
10 Don’t ape the movies
Just like you are judging your date, you are
being judged too. So, it’s important to carry a
positive vibe — externally as well as
internally. “Women are better at reading body
language than men, and they love testing
men. So, if you are going with a mindset
that you will take it easy and go with the flow,
you may be in a better situation. There are
no shortcuts to it, but it helps to be open,”
shares Monga.
08 Carry a positive vibe
So, you are on your first date, and you are beginning to realise it won’t work between you two.
Should you just make an excuse and run away, or stay back and try to have a good time? “It would
be gentlemanly to not leave a girl behind alone,” advises Monga. There are better ways to end a date
and that includes being honest with the person. There’s no harm in saying, “I don’t think it’s going
to work, but since we are here, let’s have a good time.”
06 Don’t leave a girl high and dry
Take it from personal experience, but a bad movie choice can end a
relationship before it begins. Monga says things like movies, plays and
gigs tell of your personality and interests. “It’s always better to make
those decisions together rather than forcing them on your date, and it
may only sour the relationship,” she advises.
Speak up about your choices
Your expectations and communication before
a date should be clear — whether you are
looking for a serious relationship or just want
to have fun, suggests Monga, who is also
author of the book, World Full of Needles.
“There’s nothing wrong in having fun. But, it’s
best to communicate that with each other. So
that both are on the same page. Most times
we end up falsifying a relationship when we
meet someone who is extraordinary. And that
makes the situation worse,” she adds.
07
Communicate your
expectations
Some things are best kept a secret, for later.
Monga warns that sending inappropriate
messages, especially without asking first, only
shows you in bad light. You must respect the
boundaries. Besides, if your date doesn’t like
you that much, “You may also end up being an
Internet joke,” she warns.
04Ask before u sext
There are judgmental freaks around us,
everywhere. The last thing a girl expects from
her date is to be one of them. “Elements like
clothes, make-up, drinks, tattoos, etc, are
personal choices. Even if you don’t like a girl’s
choices, you shouldn’t pass remarks. It’s her
choice, and you respect that,” asserts Monga.
03Don’t be the moral police
A vital factor that most Indian men fail at is
to gauge a woman’s interest, and to seek her
consent. “Indian men have a lot of difficulty in
reading the subtle hints that women give
whether it’s of approval or rejection. For
example, if she is not replying to your text, its
because she doesn’t want to. Men don’t get
that,” informs Monga. The same rule applies
to being intimate or talking about it. “Most
men don’t seek a women’s consent because
they fear rejection, and make
assumptions that tend to
backfire. They don’t
understand that by
seeking consent
they are respect-
ing her choices,
and that’s
important in any
relationship,” she
adds.
01Gauge interest and consent
“Men want immediate results whereas
women like to take things slow. This funda-
mental difference between the sexes often
lead to disappointments,” says Monga.
Patience is an important part of the dating
process, and men need to work on that. “Just
because she is being cosy with you, it needn’t
be a hint for sex. Give your relationship some
time, enjoy each others company. It takes
time,” she says, adding, “Have patience. It’s
better than a broken heart.”
02
Men think of sex, women
think of relationships
09 Women love surprises
05
Dating can be a rough road for
the average Indian male. We’ve
rolled out 10 tips to help you ace
the dating game
10dating
mantras to be
Mr Cool
Compiled by Hassan M Kamal /hassan.mkamal@mid-day.com
Bhawna Monga
