1. Great
Now that I’ve gotten your attention, let me start bysaying ‫أهال‬ ‫ك‬ ‫ب‬
Calm down.It means "welcome" in Arabic.

2. I reallydon’tlike talkingtoomuchbut since my“ogas-to-be”have invitedme totheircreative party,
whoam I to say no? If I were to beginmytale fromwhenmyoldladyexpungedme fromherwomb,
it wouldleadtoa seasonfilmbetteredonlybyR.RMartins’Game of Thrones. So letme start off
froma bitlater.
I’ve alwayswantedtobe a lawyerback whenIwas insecondaryschool.Iargueda lotduringthose
timesandeveryone believed,includingme thatitwas mydestinytoendup at the bar. Too bad I
couldn’targue withJAMB whenIsomehow landedata socalled“mad house”doingseveral dances
includingagbekoya,swange andgalaladances.Asif thatwas notbad enough,Ialsohad to chant or
rather,scream orisaeee atdawn forseveral daysjustto make itout witha Bachelor’sDegree in
Dramatic Arts.Don’tbotherasking.I suckedat the dances.My average intelligence gave me aB in
the course and not myamusingflatfeet.
Upon leavingcollege,Iwenttoserve myfatherlandinOgunState.Itwasn’ta particularlynice time
at camp as I didn’tgetto philanderwiththe girlsdespite all thoseamorousescapadesIheardabout
NYSC camps.The foodservedthere gave me a foresightonwhatprisoninmatesactuallyeat.Ihate
ogbonobecause of themtill date.Iwas postedtothe Cultural Centre inAbeokuta.Don’tworry.I’m
not dancinghere.Notthistime.While here Ibroughtoutthe hiddenchi inme to unlockmyskillsof
carpentryinbuildingamountain-shapedstage setforaplaythat was to be performedforthe
Governor.Afteralmostblowingthe budgetallocatedforconstructingit,Imanagedto erectwhat
lookedalittle differentfromacrazy poultryhouse coveredinonionsacks.Somehow itlooked
beautiful whenstage lightsshoneonit.Laterin the year,I signedupfor a tripto Cali for the ….
Errrm… I meanCalabar.NotCalifornia.The National Festivalheldthatyearinthe south-southcity
and I alongwithmycrew taggedalongjustfine withourstate-of-the-artcollapsible setforthe
troupe’sstage performance.We spentthree daysonthe waythere andtwo dayson our wayback.
Our buswas blazingatslugspeedandalsohad to be patchedupat differentstopsduringthe
journeytoand fro.
In ordernot to gettoo boredat the cultural centre since nothingelse came upafterthose two
performances,I strolledtothe OlusegunObasanjoPresidential Library(OOPL) andwenttotheir
Theatre unitto signup as a customerservicespersonnel onafreelance basis.Workedmainlyon
weekendsandassistedwithcustomerinteractionsduringtheirmonthlycarnivals/shows.
Whenmy tenure asa corperended,Iwailedwithinme bitterly,notforthe factthat I wouldmissthe
scheme butmainlybecause itwasthe endof an era for allawee collection.Nomore bigboyforming
afterthis.Nowit wastime to manup and face differentobstaclesduringtestsandinterviewsinmy
searchfor a job afterservice.Afteraboutayearof seamlessjobhunting,Igotan appointmentata
laundryfirm,CleanAce,asa customerrelationsofficer.Ispentonlytwomonthsthere butgained
almosttwoyears’worthof experience,compressivelyspeaking.Bythe way,the experiencegained
excludedscrubbingoff egusi soupstainsfromagbadas.
Whenthe call came to be a copywriteratDealDey,atfirstI wasexcitedandthenlaterapprehensive
on the firstday.My firsttaskwas to go throughpreviouscopieswrittenbymycolleaguesandthen
create mine inthe same style.Lookingatthose oldcopiesandthe way theywere writtenfeltaseasy
as takinga selfie of yourself inthe bathroom.Putting mybackto itto produce mine feltlike ridinga

3. bicycle acrossa trapeze wire witha cup of waterbalancedonmy head.The firstfew weekswere
toughbut as a fast learner,Igot the hang of it andevenjackedupa promotioninlessthana yearof
joiningthe contentmanagementteam.FrombeinganEditor,anotherpromotionfollowedlateron
as the reinsof beingthe unitheadwas passedonto me.BeingEditorial OperationsManagerwas
quite taskingandrequiredawee bitmore responsibility.This,IsoonlearnedwhenIhadto get
involvedinthe hiringandfiringprocessesof personnelondifferentoccasions.Duringaperiodof
bankruptcy,Iwas forcedto leave DealDeyandIjoinedastart-upfirm, The Retail Stopshop
Company,flexingmyskillsthere astheircontentdeveloper.Ithasnotbeenan easyride throughthis
careerjourneybutit hassurelybeenveryinteresting.
My name isLanre AriyoandI still don’tlike talkingtoomuch…