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Men Explain
Things To Me
Based on the works
of Rebecca Sonlnit
Remastered by
Julia Kranzler
...it was the boring old
gender wars.”
“Young wom-
en needed to
know that be-
ing belittled
wasn’t a re-
sult of their
own secret
failings
“Men explain
things to me, still.
And no man has
ever apologized for
explaining, wrong-
ly, things that I
know and they
don’t.”
“About three women a day are
murdered by spouses or ex-spouses
in this country. It’s one of the main
causes of death in pregnant women
in the U.S. At the heart of the strug-
gle of feminism to give rape, date
rape, marital rape, domestic vio-
lence, and workplace sexual harass-
ment legal standing as crimes has
been the necessity of making wom-
en credible and audible.”
The out-an
d-outconfrontationalcon
fidenceofthetotallyignor
antis,
in my experience,gendered.
M
enexplainthingsto
m
e,
and oth
erwomen,w
hetherornott
hey
knno
w
whatt
hey’retal
king
about.
Don’t forget that I’ve had a
lot more confirmation of
my right to think and speak than
most women, and I’ve learned
that a certain amount of self-
doubt is a good tool for correct-
ing, understanding, listening, and
progressing–though too much is
paralyzing and total self-confi-
dence produces arrogant idiots,
like the ones who have governed
us since 2001. There’s a happy
medium between these poles to
which the genders have been
pushed, a warm equatorial belt
of give and take where we should
all meet. More extreme versions
of our situation exist in, for exam-
ple, those Middle Eastern coun-
tries where women’s testimony
has no legal standing; so that a
woman can’t testify that she was
raped without a male witness to
counter the male rapist. Which
there rarely is.
Credibility is a basic survival tool. When
I was very young and just beginning to get
what feminism was about and why it was
necessary, I had a boyfriend whose uncle was
a nuclear physicist. One Christmas, he was
telling–as though it were a light and amusing
subject–how a neighbor’s wife in his sub-
urban bomb-making community had come
running out of her house naked in the middle
of the night screaming that her husband was
trying to kill her.
How, I asked, did you know that he wasn’t
trying to kill her? He explained, patiently,
that they were respectable middle-class peo-
ple. Therefore, her-husband-trying-to-kill-her
was simply not a credible explanation for her
fleeing the house yelling that her husband
was trying to kill her. That she was crazy, on
the other hand….
“Arrogance might
have had something
to do with the war,
but this syndrome is a
war that nearly every
woman faces every
day, a war within her-
self too, a belief in her
superfluity, an invi-
tation to silence, one
from which a fairly
nice career as a writer
(with a lot of research
and facts correctly de-
ployed) has not entire-
ly freed me.”
I tend to believe that women acquired the
status of human beings when these kinds of
acts started to be taken seriously, when the
big things that stop us and kill us were ad-
dressed legally from the mid-1970s on; well af-
ter, that is, my birth. And for anyone about to
argue that workplace sexual intimidation isn’t
a life or death issue, remember that Marine
Lance Corporal Maria Lauterbach, age 20,
was apparently killed by her higher-ranking
colleague last winter while she was waiting
to testify that he raped her.
The burned remains of her
pregnant body were found
in the fire pit in his back-
yard in December. Being
told that, categorically, he
knows what he’s talking
about and she doesn’t,
however minor a part of
any given conversation,
perpetuates the ugliness of
this world and holds back
its light.
And there are billions of women on
this six-billion-person planet being told
that they are not reliable witnesses to
their own lives, that the truth is not
their property, now or ever. This goes
way beyond Men Explaining Things,
but it’s part of the same archipelago of
arrogance. Men explain things to me,
still. And no man has ever apologized
for explaining, wrongly, things that I
know and they don’t. Not yet, but ac-
cording to the actuarial tables, I may
have another forty-something years to
live, more or less, so it could happen.
Though I’m not holding my breath.
Most of my life I woul have
backed down. Having pub-
lic standing as a writer of
history helped me stand my
ground, but few women get
that boost
Every woman knows what I’m
talking about. It’s the presumption
that makes it hard, at times, for
any woman in any field; that keeps
women from speaking up and from
being heard when they dare; that
crushes young women into silence by
indicating, the way harassment on
the street does, that this is not their
world. It trains us in self-doubt and
self-limitation just as it exercises
men’s unsupported overconfidence.
The battle with Men Who Explain
Things has trampled down many
women–of my generation, of the
up-and-coming generation we need
so badly, here and in Pakistan and
Bolivia and Java, not to speak of the
countless women who came before
me and were not allowed into the
laboratory, or the library, or the con-
versation, or the revolution, or even
the category called human.
One evening over dinner, I began
to joke, as I often had before, about
writing an essay called “Men Explain
Things to Me.” Every writer has a sta-
ble of ideas that never make it to the
racetrack, and I’d been trotting this
pony out recreationally every once in a
while. My houseguest, the brilliant the-
orist and activist Marina Sitrin, insist-
ed that I had to write it down because
people like her younger sister Sam
needed to read it. Young women need-
ed to know that being belittled wasn’t
the result of their own secret failings;
it was the boring old gender wars. So
lovely, immeasurably valuable Sam,
this one always was for you in particu-
lar. It wanted to be written; it was rest-
less for the racetrack; it galloped along
once I sat down at the computer; and
since Marina slept in later than me
in those days, I served it for breakfast
and sent it to Tom later that day.
That was April 2008 and it struck a
chord. It still seems to get reposted
more than just about anything I’ve
written at TomDispatch.com, and
prompted some very funny letters to
this site. None was more astonishing
than the one from the Indianapolis
man who wrote in to tell me that he
had “never personally or professionally
shortchanged a woman” and went on
to berate me for not hanging out with
“more regular guys or at least do a lit-
tle homework first,” gave me some ad-
vice about how to run my life, and then
commented on my “feelings of inferior-
ity.” He thought that being patronized
was an experience a woman chooses
to, or could choose not to have–and so
the fault was all mine. Life is short; I
didn’t write back.
“mansplaining is not a universal flaw of
the gender, just the intersection between
overconfidence and cluelessness where
some portion of that gender gets stuck.”
Men Still Explain Things to Women Despite Their Lack of Knowledge

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Men Still Explain Things to Women Despite Their Lack of Knowledge

  • 2. Based on the works of Rebecca Sonlnit Remastered by Julia Kranzler
  • 3. ...it was the boring old gender wars.” “Young wom- en needed to know that be- ing belittled wasn’t a re- sult of their own secret failings “Men explain things to me, still. And no man has ever apologized for explaining, wrong- ly, things that I know and they don’t.”
  • 4. “About three women a day are murdered by spouses or ex-spouses in this country. It’s one of the main causes of death in pregnant women in the U.S. At the heart of the strug- gle of feminism to give rape, date rape, marital rape, domestic vio- lence, and workplace sexual harass- ment legal standing as crimes has been the necessity of making wom- en credible and audible.” The out-an d-outconfrontationalcon fidenceofthetotallyignor antis, in my experience,gendered. M enexplainthingsto m e, and oth erwomen,w hetherornott hey knno w whatt hey’retal king about.
  • 5. Don’t forget that I’ve had a lot more confirmation of my right to think and speak than most women, and I’ve learned that a certain amount of self- doubt is a good tool for correct- ing, understanding, listening, and progressing–though too much is paralyzing and total self-confi- dence produces arrogant idiots, like the ones who have governed us since 2001. There’s a happy medium between these poles to which the genders have been pushed, a warm equatorial belt of give and take where we should all meet. More extreme versions of our situation exist in, for exam- ple, those Middle Eastern coun- tries where women’s testimony has no legal standing; so that a woman can’t testify that she was raped without a male witness to counter the male rapist. Which there rarely is. Credibility is a basic survival tool. When I was very young and just beginning to get what feminism was about and why it was necessary, I had a boyfriend whose uncle was a nuclear physicist. One Christmas, he was telling–as though it were a light and amusing subject–how a neighbor’s wife in his sub- urban bomb-making community had come running out of her house naked in the middle of the night screaming that her husband was trying to kill her. How, I asked, did you know that he wasn’t trying to kill her? He explained, patiently, that they were respectable middle-class peo- ple. Therefore, her-husband-trying-to-kill-her was simply not a credible explanation for her fleeing the house yelling that her husband was trying to kill her. That she was crazy, on the other hand….
  • 6. “Arrogance might have had something to do with the war, but this syndrome is a war that nearly every woman faces every day, a war within her- self too, a belief in her superfluity, an invi- tation to silence, one from which a fairly nice career as a writer (with a lot of research and facts correctly de- ployed) has not entire- ly freed me.”
  • 7. I tend to believe that women acquired the status of human beings when these kinds of acts started to be taken seriously, when the big things that stop us and kill us were ad- dressed legally from the mid-1970s on; well af- ter, that is, my birth. And for anyone about to argue that workplace sexual intimidation isn’t a life or death issue, remember that Marine Lance Corporal Maria Lauterbach, age 20, was apparently killed by her higher-ranking colleague last winter while she was waiting to testify that he raped her. The burned remains of her pregnant body were found in the fire pit in his back- yard in December. Being told that, categorically, he knows what he’s talking about and she doesn’t, however minor a part of any given conversation, perpetuates the ugliness of this world and holds back its light. And there are billions of women on this six-billion-person planet being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever. This goes way beyond Men Explaining Things, but it’s part of the same archipelago of arrogance. Men explain things to me, still. And no man has ever apologized for explaining, wrongly, things that I know and they don’t. Not yet, but ac- cording to the actuarial tables, I may have another forty-something years to live, more or less, so it could happen. Though I’m not holding my breath. Most of my life I woul have backed down. Having pub- lic standing as a writer of history helped me stand my ground, but few women get that boost
  • 8. Every woman knows what I’m talking about. It’s the presumption that makes it hard, at times, for any woman in any field; that keeps women from speaking up and from being heard when they dare; that crushes young women into silence by indicating, the way harassment on the street does, that this is not their world. It trains us in self-doubt and self-limitation just as it exercises men’s unsupported overconfidence. The battle with Men Who Explain Things has trampled down many women–of my generation, of the up-and-coming generation we need so badly, here and in Pakistan and Bolivia and Java, not to speak of the countless women who came before me and were not allowed into the laboratory, or the library, or the con- versation, or the revolution, or even the category called human.
  • 9.
  • 10. One evening over dinner, I began to joke, as I often had before, about writing an essay called “Men Explain Things to Me.” Every writer has a sta- ble of ideas that never make it to the racetrack, and I’d been trotting this pony out recreationally every once in a while. My houseguest, the brilliant the- orist and activist Marina Sitrin, insist- ed that I had to write it down because people like her younger sister Sam needed to read it. Young women need- ed to know that being belittled wasn’t the result of their own secret failings; it was the boring old gender wars. So lovely, immeasurably valuable Sam, this one always was for you in particu- lar. It wanted to be written; it was rest- less for the racetrack; it galloped along once I sat down at the computer; and since Marina slept in later than me in those days, I served it for breakfast and sent it to Tom later that day. That was April 2008 and it struck a chord. It still seems to get reposted more than just about anything I’ve written at TomDispatch.com, and prompted some very funny letters to this site. None was more astonishing than the one from the Indianapolis man who wrote in to tell me that he had “never personally or professionally shortchanged a woman” and went on to berate me for not hanging out with “more regular guys or at least do a lit- tle homework first,” gave me some ad- vice about how to run my life, and then commented on my “feelings of inferior- ity.” He thought that being patronized was an experience a woman chooses to, or could choose not to have–and so the fault was all mine. Life is short; I didn’t write back.
  • 11.
  • 12. “mansplaining is not a universal flaw of the gender, just the intersection between overconfidence and cluelessness where some portion of that gender gets stuck.”