1) The author reflects on the one-year anniversary of 9/11 and how her young son was oblivious to the events at the time, but is now growing up. 2) She then discusses feeling survivor's guilt last year for having her loved ones alive while others lost family on 9/11, and feeling lucky that her son was too young to understand the tragedy. 3) More recently, the author's father passed away suddenly from leukemia, which has caused her own personal grief as a parent who has lost her father and wants her children to know him.

1. Lessonsin Loss and Parenting – One-YearLater Sue Lyon-Myrick
It isdifficulttothinkof anythingthisweek,withoutourthoughtsbeinginsome wayinfluencedbythe
anniversaryof September11,2001. Althoughournationmaywell be breathingacollective sighof relief
that none of the memorial/anniversaryeventswere marredbyanew terroristattack,we continue tobe
on edge.
A yearago, my sonIndiawasbusy perfectinghissomersaultwhileairlinerscrashedonU.S.soil andwe
all stoodwatchingthe coverage dumbfounded.Infact,he spentmuchof September11 somersaultingto
hisheart’scontent.Thisyear,Indyisfar more interestedincountingtosevenandlearningtojump.Iam
thankful thata year later,he isstill youngenoughtobe oblivioustoworldevents.
It ishard to thinkaboutthe tragicevents of 9-11 withoutthinkingof the storiesof somanychildrenleft
to grow-upwithoutone ormore of theirparentsorotherlovedones.Itishard to see all those babies
beingbornwhowill neverknowtheirfathersormothers.
I didnot knowanyone personallywhowaskilledinlastyear’sterroristattacks.Icountmyself luckyin
that regard.I do, however,like mostof the world(butclearlynotall),feel forall of those whodidlose
lovedonesandfriends –those lefttomournand figure outa way to move onwiththeirlives. Iam
movedbythe storiesof so manypartnersand spouses,whohave nootherchoice butto move forward
for theirchildren.
I rememberfeelingasense of survivor’sguiltlastyear.Ifeltguiltythatmylovedoneswere alive and
well,butalsothatmy sonwas youngenoughtobe seeminglyuntouchedbythe tragedyof September
11 and the worldcontextinwhichitexists.Atthe same time,IfeltincrediblyluckythatScottand I did
not have to figure outhowto explaintheseacts of terrorism(andeverythingthatcomeswiththem) to
our son.I still feel luckyinthisway(fornow).
While Icommemorate,mourn,andrememberwiththe restof ourcountrythisweek,Iam filledwitha
sense of myown personal loss.Althoughmyloss wasnotsustainedduringthattragicday or shortly
thereafter,itisreal nonethelessandevenmore painful atthistime of collectivegrief.
My fatherwasdiagnosedsuddenlywithLeukemiainApril.He passedawayinmid-Julydue to
complicationsfromchemotherapy.Muchlike those wholostlovedonesayearago on September11, I
was notready.It was toosoon. Althoughwe were luckyenoughtovisitwith“Gramps”inMay, I never
reallygotto say “Goodbye.”
The lossof a parentis a profoundeventinlife.The lossof a parentwhenyouare a parentseemsto
make thingsthat muchmore complicated. Ifeel thatIam not able to grieve thoroughlyinmyownway
and time,because Imustmove forwardwithday-to-daylife forIndia. Imustcontinue toprovide forhim
and nurture himto the bestof myability. Iam sadto thinkthat Indywon’tgetto spendany more time

2. withhis“Grampa” and probablywon’treallyrememberhim. Ialsogrieve the factthatmy daughterwill
neverevengettomeetmyDad.
Much like manyof the survivorsof 9-11, I too have to continue tocarry on. The cycle of life goesoneven
while we grieve.Asmanyfriendshave notedwhenfindingoutaboutmypregnancy,itisindeeda
bittersweettime inourlives –at our home as well asforthe nation.
AlthoughImostlyavoidedwatchingcoverageof the 9-11 anniversaryeventsandmemorials,Ihave
noticeda theme runningthroughout –fromOprahWinfreyandDr. Phil to the eveningnews.Atsome
point,itisimportantto shiftfrommourningthe lossandthe endof a lovedone’sdays,tocelebrating
theirlife.Ifeel thisisgoingtobe mybiggestresponsibilitybothtomychildrenandtomy father.I want
to be able to pass downa legacyof storiesandlove fromand aboutmy father. Partof thislegacyseems
to be choosingwhatyou wantto emulate aboutyourparentandwhat youdo not.
I hope that thisissomethingthatall of us can do, whetherparentsornot. I hope thatwe can move
forwardfocusingonthe strengthsandpositivesandworkto make thingsbetter. Ihope that our loved
oneswill notbe lostinvain. In addition, Ihope thatif theyare able tolookdownuponus as we move
forward,that eachof themcan be proudof where we gofrom here.
My fatherwasa creative, generous, andlovingman.IbelieveIgotmy creativityandlove of the written
wordfrom him. If my fathercaredabout you,he woulddoanythingpossibletohelpyou. He loved
childrenandanimals.He couldreada 1,000-page book inone sitting.Althoughhe couldbe grumpy,he
had a great sense of humor,toldmanya story,and likedtomake people laugh.He lovedtodebate and
discuss.Seeingall of the peoplewhoshoweduptopay theirrespectsathismemorial service,he was
clearlyadmired,respected,andloved.We misshim.Iknow Imisshimeverysingle day.Whereveryou
are,I love youDad (andso do your grandbabiesbornandnotyethere).Iwill domy bestto educate the
nextgenerationaboutall thatyouwere andall the qualitieswe lovedaboutyou.
If you have thoughts,suggestionsorknow of resourcesfordealingwiththe lossof aparent(as an adult),
please share withusat ParentsCorner.