Lake of lotus (37) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (37)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
Lake of lotus (37) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (37)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
Lake of lotus (36) the profound abstruseness of life and death-the meaning of...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
This document is an excerpt from Issue 36 of Dudjom Buddhist Association's publication "The Lake of Lotus" which discusses various Buddhist perspectives on near-death experiences and the moment of death. It addresses what kinds of scenes may be seen at the time of death based on causes and conditions. These can include separation of the elements in the body, endorphins in the brain, or karmic forces. It also discusses the different states of consciousness as death approaches and how caregivers can best support a dying patient by accepting, understanding, listening, guiding their emotions and thoughts, and keeping them company without words in their final moments.
Lake of lotus (45) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (45) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (45)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
Lake of lotus (39) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (39) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (39)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
Lake of lotus (36) the profound abstruseness of life and death-the meaning of...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
This document is an excerpt from Issue 36 of Dudjom Buddhist Association's publication "The Lake of Lotus" which discusses various Buddhist perspectives on near-death experiences and the moment of death. It addresses what kinds of scenes may be seen at the time of death based on causes and conditions. These can include separation of the elements in the body, endorphins in the brain, or karmic forces. It also discusses the different states of consciousness as death approaches and how caregivers can best support a dying patient by accepting, understanding, listening, guiding their emotions and thoughts, and keeping them company without words in their final moments.
Lake of lotus (45) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (45) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (45)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
Lake of lotus (39) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (39) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (39)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
The document discusses the lineage traditions of the Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism. It describes how Guru Rinpoche took great efforts over 1000 years ago to help extend the periods of the Perfect Age of True Dharma and the Dharma Semblance Age. This included establishing centers for translation, training practitioners, and hiding teachings known as terma to be discovered at later dates when needed. The document outlines 14 major measures taken by Guru Rinpoche, such as establishing lineages, authorization for teachings, and discipline systems, to help preserve the dharma teachings and prevent distortion. Recent examples of attained practitioners provide evidence the Dharma Semblance Age is still ongoing but at a critical point of potential
The document discusses Buddhist teachings on directing one's Dharma practice. It outlines the three "states of mind" or views adopted in Hinayana, Mahayana, and Vajrayana when facing suffering. The Hinayana view sees suffering as horrible and seeks to escape it, relying on renunciation and having limited methods for dealing with problems. The Mahayana view sees suffering as the basis for developing compassion, while Vajrayana sees suffering as illusory and transforms it through advanced meditation practices.
Lake of lotus (1) the profound abstruseness of life and death the meaning of ...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (1) the profound abstruseness of life and death the meaning of near-death experiences (1)-history of research on nd es-special common features of ndes-points of arguments about ndes
Lake of lotus (47) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (47) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (47)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
Lake of lotus (48) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (48) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (48)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
Lake of lotus (49) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (49) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (49)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
The document discusses the lineage traditions of the Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism. It describes how Guru Rinpoche took great efforts over 1000 years ago to help extend the periods of the Perfect Age of True Dharma and the Dharma Semblance Age. This included establishing centers for translation, training practitioners, and hiding teachings known as terma to be discovered at later dates when needed. The document outlines 14 major measures taken by Guru Rinpoche, such as establishing lineages, authorization for teachings, and discipline systems, to help preserve the dharma teachings and prevent distortion. Recent examples of attained practitioners provide evidence the Dharma Semblance Age is still ongoing but at a critical point of potential
The document discusses Buddhist teachings on directing one's Dharma practice. It outlines the three "states of mind" or views adopted in Hinayana, Mahayana, and Vajrayana when facing suffering. The Hinayana view sees suffering as horrible and seeks to escape it, relying on renunciation and having limited methods for dealing with problems. The Mahayana view sees suffering as the basis for developing compassion, while Vajrayana sees suffering as illusory and transforms it through advanced meditation practices.
Lake of lotus (1) the profound abstruseness of life and death the meaning of ...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
Lake of lotus (1) the profound abstruseness of life and death the meaning of near-death experiences (1)-history of research on nd es-special common features of ndes-points of arguments about ndes
Lake of lotus (1) the profound abstruseness of life and death the meaning of ...
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Lake of lotus (47) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (47)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
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This document discusses near-death experiences and the Buddhist perspective on phenomena seen at the time of death. It explains that scenes seen can be influenced by the disintegration of the physical elements, endorphins in the brain, or karmic forces, either virtuous or unwholesome in nature. Dying individuals commonly report seeing deceased friends/family, protectors, strange places, or experiencing confusion. The document advises caregivers to aid the dying through acceptance, observation, analysis, guidance, and companionship to help smooth the transition of death. It also examines cases where living individuals have shared near-death visions with the dying.
Lake of lotus (41) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
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This document summarizes an excerpt from an article on the profound abstruseness of life and death. It discusses different reasons for the formation of scenes at the moment of death, including the separation of the four elements, endorphins in the brain, and karmic forces. It then provides examples of common scenes seen by dying people, such as protectors/avengers or strange places. It questions how Buddhism would view these phenomena and whether the appearances are illusions or real. The document goes on to describe a case study of a dying cancer patient who became confused and disoriented, and how understanding the five stages of facing death can help caretakers guide the emotions and consciousness of the dying.
Lake of lotus (50) the profound abstruseness of life and death-the meaning of...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
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This document discusses different types of near-death experiences and scenes people may see at the moment of death according to Buddhist teachings. It explains that these scenes can be caused by the separation of the four elements in the body, endorphins in the brain, or karmic forces from past actions. Common scenes reported include seeing deceased relatives, protectors, or places of rebirth. The document also discusses how the transformation of consciousness during the dying process relates to these scenes and how caregivers can help guide those who are dying.
Lake of lotus (42) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
This document discusses various topics related to experiences that occur near death, including:
1. It classifies the different types of "scenes at the moment of death" into categories based on the main causes and auxiliary conditions, such as the separation of the four elements, endorphins in the brain, and karmic forces.
2. It describes the different stages of consciousness that occur as death approaches, from beta waves during daily life to delta waves during deep sleep, and how this affects the thoughts and behaviors of dying patients.
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Lake of lotus (42) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning o...DudjomBuddhistAssociation
This document discusses different phenomena that can occur near the time of death according to Buddhist teachings. It explains that the scenes a dying person sees are influenced by their consciousness and past karma. During the dying process, a person may experience confusion as memories and emotions arise. They can also receive sounds and images from both the mundane and spiritual worlds. At the most difficult stage, negative emotions from the past are released. The document emphasizes the importance of caregivers understanding and accepting what the dying person is experiencing in order to provide proper guidance and support. It argues that society lacks education about death and caring for the dying.
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This document discusses various topics related to life, death, and rebirth. It begins by outlining the agenda for an upcoming talk on "Science, Life and Death, Rebirth" given by Professor Haraldsson. It then discusses Professor Haraldsson's extensive scientific research on cases of children claiming memories of past lives. Next, it describes plans for an innovative "Perfect Hospital" that would offer comprehensive holistic care for the dying, covering physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. It argues that more attention needs to be paid to the real needs of the dying. Finally, it asserts that evidence from cases of rebirth and birthmarks supports the Buddhist view that one's mental state at death influences future rebirth.
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Heartfulness Magazine - June 2024 (Volume 9, Issue 6)heartfulness
Dear readers,
This month we continue with more inspiring talks from the Global Spirituality Mahotsav that was held from March 14 to 17, 2024, at Kanha Shanti Vanam.
We hear from Daaji on lifestyle and yoga in honor of International Day of Yoga, June 21, 2024. We also hear from Professor Bhavani Rao, Dean at Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham University, on spirituality in action, the Venerable BhikkuSanghasena on how to be an ambassador for compassion, Dr. Tony Nader on the Maharishi Effect, Swami Mukundananda on the crossroads of modernization, Tejinder Kaur Basra on the purpose of work, the Venerable GesheDorjiDamdul on the psychology of peace, the Rt. Hon. Patricia Scotland, KC, Secretary-General of the Commonwealth, on how we are all related, and world-renowned violinist KumareshRajagopalan on the uplifting mysteries of music.
Dr. Prasad Veluthanar shares an Ayurvedic perspective on treating autism, Dr. IchakAdizes helps us navigate disagreements at work, Sravan Banda celebrates World Environment Day by sharing some tips on land restoration, and Sara Bubber tells our children another inspiring story and challenges them with some fun facts and riddles.
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2nd issue of Volume 15. A magazine in urdu language mainly based on spiritual treatment and learning. Many topics on ISLAM, SUFISM, SOCIAL PROBLEMS, SELF HELP, PSYCHOLOGY, HEALTH, SPIRITUAL TREATMENT, Ruqya etc.A very useful magazine for everyone.
Introduction
Mantra Yoga is an exact science. "Mananat trayate iti mantrah- by the Manana (constant thinking or recollection) of which one is protected or is released from the round of births and deaths, is Mantra." That is called Mantra by the meditation (Manana) on which the Jiva or the individual soul attains freedom from sin, enjoyment in heaven and final liberation, and by the aid of which it attains in full the fourfold fruit (Chaturvarga), i.e., Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha. A Mantra is so called because it is achieved by the mental process.
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MAGAZINE: THE CAREER THAT IS PROPOSED TO US: The Path of Salvation, Holiness and Perseverance to Reach Heaven
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Presentation: Missionary Celso Napoleon
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"Lift off" by Pastor Mark Behr at North Athens Baptist ChurchJurgenFinch
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Morning Service at North Athens Baptist Church Athens, Michigan
“Lift Off” by Pastor Mark Behr
Scriptures: Luke 24:50-53; Acts 1:6-11.
We are a small country Church in Athens Michigan who loves to reach out to others with the love of God. We worship an Awesome God who loves the whole world and wants everyone to see and understand what He has done for us. (1 Corinthians 15:1-4) We hope you are encouraging by our Sunday Morning sermon videos. If you are ever in the area, please feel free to attend our Sunday Morning Services at North Athens Baptist Church 2020 M Drive South, Athens, Michigan. If you have any question and would like to talk to Pastor Mark, or have prayer request please call the church at (269) 729-553
Sunday School: 9:30 a.m.
Morning Service: 10:45 a.m.
Full Morning Service on Facebook Live at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/nabc2020athensmichigan
Sermon Only Live on YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/@NABC2020AthensMI
Sermon Only Audio of Morning Sermon at: https://soundcloud.com/user-591083416
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This book is one of the best of the translated ones, for it has a warning character for all those who find themselves in the experience of material life. Irmão X provides a shrewd way of describing the subtleties and weaknesses that can jeopardize our intentions, making us more attentive and vigilant by providing us with his wise pages, reminding us between the lines of the Master's words: "Pray and watch."
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Lucid Dreaming: Understanding the Risks and Benefits
The ability to control one's dreams or for the dreamer to be aware that he or she is dreaming. This process, called lucid dreaming, has some potential risks as well as many fascinating benefits. However, many people are hesitant to try it initially for fear of the potential dangers. This article aims to clarify these concerns by exploring both the risks and benefits of lucid dreaming.
The Benefits of Lucid Dreaming
Lucid dreaming allows a person to take control of their dream world, helping them overcome their fears and eliminate nightmares. This technique is particularly useful for mental health. By taking control of their dreams, individuals can face challenging scenarios in a controlled environment, which can help reduce anxiety and increase self-confidence.
Addressing Common Concerns
Physical Harm in Dreams Lucid dreaming is fundamentally safe. In a lucid dream, everything is a creation of your mind. Therefore, nothing in the dream can physically harm you. Despite the vividness and realness of the dream experience, it remains entirely within your mental landscape, posing no physical danger.
Mental Health Risks Concerns about developing PTSD or other mental illnesses from lucid dreaming are unfounded. As soon as you wake up, it's clear that the events experienced in the dream were not real. On the contrary, lucid dreaming is often seen as a therapeutic tool for conditions like PTSD, as it allows individuals to reframe and manage their thoughts.
Potential Risks of Lucid Dreaming
While generally safe, lucid dreaming does come with a few risks as well:
Mixing Dream Memories with Reality Long-term lucid dreamers might occasionally confuse dream memories with real ones, creating false memories. This issue is rare and preventable by maintaining a dream journal and avoiding lucid dreaming about real-life people or places too frequently.
Escapism Using lucid dreaming to escape reality can be problematic if it interferes with your daily life. While it is sometimes beneficial to escape and relieve the stress of reality, relying on lucid dreaming for happiness can hinder personal growth and productivity.
Feeling Tired After Lucid Dreaming Some people report feeling tired after lucid dreaming. This tiredness is not due to the dreams themselves but often results from not getting enough sleep or using techniques that disrupt sleep patterns. Taking breaks and ensuring adequate sleep can prevent this.
Mental Exhaustion Lucid dreaming can be mentally taxing if practiced excessively without breaks. It’s important to balance lucid dreaming with regular sleep to avoid mental fatigue.
Lucid dreaming is safe and beneficial if done with caution. It has many benefits, such as overcoming fear and improving mental health, and minimal risks. There are many resources and tutorials available for those interested in trying it.
Lake of lotus (37) the profound abstruseness of life and death- the meaning of near-death experiences (37)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association
1. Dudjom Buddhist Association (International)
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The Profound Abstruseness of
Life and Death
The Meaning of
Near-Death
Experiences (37)
The “scenes at the moment of death” can be
roughly classified in the following categories in
accord with the varieties of the “main causes” and
“auxiliary conditions”:
1. The “Separation of the Four Elements” – the “main
cause” (the internal “consciousness” and “sub-
consciousness”, including all kinds of memories)
conjoins with the “auxiliary conditions” (the
‘Separation of the Four Elements’ in the external
circumstances) in forming the “scenes at the
moment of death” (please refer to the articles
on “The Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in
Issues 8 and 20 of the “Lake of Lotus”).
By Vajra Master Pema Lhadren
Translated by Simon S.H. Tang
How to Develop “Heart-to-Heart Unspoken Consensus” With
the Patients For Having No Regrets for Both Parties?
How Can We Cope With Grief and Bereavement At the Loss
of Loved Ones?
Excerpt of Last Chapter:
Various Reasons on the Formation of Different Scenes
at the "Moment of Death"
2. The “Endorphins Inside the Brain” – the “main
cause” (the internal “consciousness” and “sub-
consciousness”) conjoins with the “auxiliary
conditions” (the “endorphins inside the brain”
of the external circumstances) in forming the
“scenes at the moment of death” (please refer
to the article on “The Meaning of Near-death
Experiences” in Issue 21 of the “Lake of Lotus”).
3. The “Karmic Forces” – the “main cause”
(the internal “consciousness” and “sub-
consciousness”) conjoins with the “auxiliary
conditions” (the “karmic forces” of the external
1
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circumstances) in forming the “scenes at the
moment of death”. This can be further classified
into the following two kinds:
i. Wholesome Ones – arising from: (a) virtuous
retributions (please refer to the article on “The
Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in Issue
21 of the “Lake of Lotus”); and (b) the efforts of
one’s Dharma practice (the main theme of this
article in this issue).
ii. Unwholesome Ones – arising from: (a) vicious
retributions; and (b) the forces of karmic
creditors in seeking compensations on one’s
karmic debts.
According to the records of different surveys,
most of the dying people had seen the following
scenes:
1. Protectors or avengers:
(i) good ones – saw kith and kin who had passed
away, unknown protectors, deities or Buddhas
coming to fetch for oneself.
(ii) bad ones – being besieged by a crowd of
ferocious persons or beasts, and going along
in company with groups of people who looked
confused.
2. Strange places:
(i) good ones – saw pavilions,balconies,
buildings, flower fields, rivers, light zones,
towns or cities.
(ii) bad ones – saw wilderness, forests, darkness,
caverns, hells.
3. Messy Issues that cannot be recalled clearly.
How would the Buddhist point of view comment
on these phenomena? According to the Buddhist
teachings, it was said that rebirth would take place
within forty-nine days after a person has passed
away, then why would a dying person see the kith and
kin who had passed away long time ago still coming
to fetch for him or her? Why had not the kith and kin
taken rebirths after so many years posthumously?
Are the appearances of these deceased persons
merely the illusions of the person who is going to
die? Or were they really true? Are there any other
reasons? Are those strange places the destinations
where they are going to be reborn into? Under what
circumstances would the normal rebirth of a dying
person be negatively encumbered? Is there any way
to help a deceased person to avert sufferings and
elevate to a better place of rebirth?
Human beings have four kinds of conditions
of consciousness (please refer to the article “The
Wisdom in Directing One’s Dharma Practice” in Issue
26 of the “Lake of Lotus”) as follows:
1. Beta β waves – the “conscious condition” of daily
living;
2. Alpha α waves – the relaxed “consciousness
condition”, such as in entering into the elementary
stage of ‘visualization”, or at the first stage of
“mental concentration”; or the condition when
the “spiritual body” is slowly separating from the
“physical body”;
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3. Theta θ waves – the peaceful “conscious
condition” of having entered into higher levels of
“visualization”, or at the deeper levels of “mental
concentration”;
4. Delta δ waves – slow “conscious condition” of
not having any dreams, and in a stage of slow-
wave deep sleep.
In fact, how does the arising of the different
stages in approaching death and its “transformation
of consciousness” affect the thoughts and behaviors
of dying patients? What are their relationships with
the “scenes at the moment of death”? How should
the family and kin and kith who take care of the
dying patients respond to the “transformation of
consciousness” and change of “scenes at the
moment of death” for guiding the emotions and
spiritual direction of the dying patients? Could the
“transformation of consciousness” and the change of
“scenes at the moment of death” be complementary
to each other? Furthermore, the “disintegration of
the Four Elements” of the physical body also affects
the “transformation of consciousness”, as well as on
the change of the “scenes at the moment of death”.
Hence, how should one support and provide guidance
to a dying patient in order to reduce or resolve the
predicament from these problems?
The care-givers, kin and kith and professional
counselors should perform the following steps when
a dying person is approaching the “first stage of
death”:
1. Accepting and Understanding
2. Listening and Observing
3. Analyzing and Adopting
4. Leading Out and Guiding In
5. Accompanying with Unspoken Consensus
The key points of application and their importance
on the issues of “Accepting and Understanding”
and “Listening and Observing” had been clearly
highlighted in the cases of the previous chapters
(please refer to the articles on “The Meaning of Near-
death Experiences” in Issues 29-30 of the “Lake of
Lotus”), as well as on the issue of “Analyzing and
Adopting” by the dying persons (please refer to the
article on “The Meaning of Near-death Experiences”
in Issue 31 of the “Lake of Lotus”) have been clearly
explained.
To most people, the issues of “Accepting and
Understanding” and “Listening and Observing” are
not difficult to do and it is relatively easy to carry
out under the call of “love” and with one’s wisdom.
Not too many skills will be required. Even though a
person has never learned of the relevant know-how,
nor have received any such relevant training, he or
she can still spontaneously provide proper care or
resolve various problems for the seriously-ill persons,
or dying patients.
However, the quality and depth of the resolution
to a problem would be inadequate or imperfect,
due to the lack of relevant know-how or training by
the participants. In order that both the care-giving
family members and the dying patients do not have
What is the Ultimate
Assistance in the First Stage
of Approching Death?
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remorse which will be too late to repent later on,
but only ultimate offering in farewell with a “heart-
to-heart connection and having no trace of regret”,
the following three steps should be included in the
issues that must be done when a dying patient is
approaching the “first stage of death”.
There are at least two parts to the issue of
“Analyzing and Adopting” in the third step. The first
part of “Analyzing and Adopting” is to be directed by
a dying patient, while the second part of “Analyzing
and Adopting”, which is to be directed by the care-
givers, kin and kith and professional counselors,
have already been discussed in the previous two
chapters (please refer to the articles on “The Meaning
of Near-death Experiences” in Issues 32 and 33 of
the “Lake of Lotus”). The fourth step on “Leading Out
and Guiding In” has already been discussed in the
next before last chapter (please refer to the article
on “The Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in Issue
34 of the “Lake of Lotus”). Now, we are discussing
on the fifth step on “Accompanying with Unspoken
Consensus” (please refer to the article on “The
Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in Issues 35
and 36 of the “Lake of Lotus” for some parts that we
have already discussed).
When a person comes across a major crisis,
some expectations will certainly arise from oneself.
Besides some vague wishes, it is crucial that some
pragmatic needs should be satisfied which would
be more significant to them. For instances, when
a person gets cancer, the most needed would be
someone who cares about him, understands him,
accepts him, makes company with him and assists
him to go through the proper treatments.
Therefore, a care-taker must stand by the side
of the patient and understand what is the patient’s
The Key Points of
“Accompanying with
Unspoken Consensus”
need and most wanted thing. At the same time of
understanding, the care-taker would best be able to
developarelationshipontheissueof“Accompanying
with Unspoken Consensus” with the patient.
There are a few key points in the development of
such kind of a relationship:
(1) On the same camp of companionship –
comprising of
a) Listen to the patient empathically,... (please
refer back to Issue 35 of “Lake of Lotus”);
b) Express the empathic feelings as personal
experience to the patient,
... (please refer back to Issue 35 of “Lake of
Lotus”);
c) Pass on the message of accepting,
understanding and tribute with genuineness.
... (please refer back to Issue 36 of “Lake of
Lotus”);
(2) Unspoken Consensus from Heart to Heart –
comprising of
a) Develop Unspoken Consensus – under
reasonable circumstances, carry out more
welcome behaviors to the patient,
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b) Express Unspoken Consensus – with the
attitude to express feelings that the patient
recognizes and considers as of same
direction,
c) Coordinate Unspoken Consensus – when
deviation appears, employ proper approach
to coordinate mutual thoughts to shorten the
distance and seek for building of common
ground for unspoken consensus.
regret. Establishment of this kind of “unspoken
consensus” is based upon the depth of mutual
understanding and acceptance, as well as the depth
of love and tolerance on both parties. In such a
fashion, it will be decided as to whether this kind of
“unspoken consensus” could be established, as well
as to how well is the foundation of such establishment.
The deeper this “unspoken consensus” is, the more
flawless the outcome will be so derived.
There is a kind of commonly seen pain and regret,
which often occurs to someone who has experienced
the death of a loved one, either as a relative or a
friend. When a relative or friend passes away, the
most disturbing and long-lasting problem is their
non-stop recollection of the past: “Do I owe the dead
anything?” The portion where they believe they are
in debt to the dying would be kept on replaying itself
unceasingly. When they see the replay of the relevant
scenarios, sufferings would thus be generated.
Hence, in numerous occasions for the counsels
of grief and bereavement, it has been found out that
the closest relatives or friends of the patient often
have a kind of “guilty feeling” at the death of the
patient. They have a question in mind, “Why couldn’t
I do it better?” Thus as the kin and kith, carers, up to
the attending physician of the patient, in order to have
no regrets at a later day, the best way is to establish
such kind of a heart-to-heart “unspoken consensus”
during the process of caring for the patient. During
the establishment of such kind of an “unspoken
How to Develop “Heart-
to-Heart Unspoken
Consensus” With the
Patients For Having No
Regrets for Both Parties!
(2) The heart-to-heart “unspoken consensus” is
comprising of -
a) Development of unspoken consensus – under
reasonable circumstances, carry out more
“deeds” which are behaviors being preferred
by the patients.
As the relatives, friends, or carers, up to the
attending physician of the patient, if some kind of
an “unspoken consensus of mutual trust” can be
developed with the patient, in the aspect of benefits
of all relevant parties, it is most perfect and without
5
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consensus”, it is very important to pay attention as
to whether it is in a “balanced state of having equal
weighting between rationality and emotion, as well as
in having an equilibrium between excessive demand
and feasibility in reality”. If the “unspoken consensus”
so established is mishandled, this kind of “unspoken
consensus” would easily be lost in even deeper
regrets, resulting in more severe sufferings.
The relation between physician and patient
is equally important. The establishment of the
“unspoken consensus” could adequately resolve
mutual conflicts. The following case can be taken as
a reference.
Case 43
There was a physician in Taiwan who specialized
in obstetrics and gynecology with thirty years of
experiences. He had witnessed the joy when a
life was born. Later on, he changed to become a
gynecological oncologist and took care of many
females who suffered from cancer. He witnessed a
lot of souls who suffered in great pains over a long
period of time, and their final endings.
His medical team endeavored to take care
of each patient with profound and empathic love,
hoping to satisfy the needs of each and every patient,
such that even though they were in the lethal pains,
they could still feel the support and care out of their
love. His hard toiling resulted in a state that “he had
forgotten about himself and his beloved family”. After
he took up the task of caring for terminal sickness, his
daily life was impacted tremendously.
He had described his regrets as follows: “One day
when I woke up, how come there was an old woman
lying by my side. Without much notice during those
fleeting days, this lady grew old from her blossom
age. And I had not been mindfully participated in
such a process and just found out incidentally. I was
so full of remorse.
Someone asked me whether my daily life was
disturbed by providing care to terminal patients. That
was really very disturbing. Once my wife brought it
up to me, “Why do you make yourself so busy? Why
can’t you do as according to the limitations of your
own ability?” That was a Saturday and the following
day, the Sunday morning I brought her over to have
a round in the patient ward. I said, “You come with
me and have a look on my day-to-day life.” When
she watched those seriously-ill patients, one after
another, with expressions on their faces showing how
badly they needed me, she never made any further
complaints ever since.
Usually I got up at around 5:00 AM and started
working. Dinner was generally taken at 9:00 PM.
Getting up at 5:00 AM to work have been my habits
for a few decades.”
What an admirable physician. In fact, how
to establish an “unspoken consensus of mutual
trust” with the patients? Are there any regrets? This
benevolent physician cited a case. He endeavored
to take care of a patient of ovarian cancer which
lasted for a period of seven years. When she had to
carry out abdominal tapping, it would take about one
6
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to two hours. In order that she could have the best
medical care, this physician, together with his other
younger doctors, did the tapping in person. Other
physicians usually left her alone after inserting tubing
for drainage. However, in this way, the tapping might
not be thorough enough, and thus the patient felt that
she had not been “fully taken care of”. Therefore,
they did it in person for every 10 c.c., and then 20
c.c. of drainage. After a couple of days, several
thousand c.c. of fluids had been drained. She deeply
appreciated this act and thus a kind of mutual trust
was established.
However, she proposed a request to her
physician later on, “Please help me to have
euthanasia.” The physician certainly did not accept
her request. Thereafter, this patient kept having a
bit of the sulks and temper. It appeared that their
relationship downturned drastically. The patient was
in bad emotions until she passed away. The physician
and his team were very regretful, and had a feeling of
failure and frustration.
After all, most human beings are kind-hearted.
When a person offers the genuine passion, there
would be a moment when the recipient is being
touched upon. The efficacy of “unspoken consensus
of mutual trust” would eventually be revealed. As a
matter of fact, at her final moment, the patient had
asked a ward-mate of her to leave a message for
this physician after her passing away. Having no
reciprocation to the physician, anyhow she wanted to
express her utmost appreciation to him for his long-
time whole-hearted care.
At an instant, the regret and frustration of the
physician and his team were removed, and instead
they felt a sense of spiritual comfort and fulfillment. The
“unspoken consensus of mutual trust” so established
between the physician and the patient had not been
damaged due to the denial of the patient’s request.
This also showed the right way of establishing
an “unspoken consensus”. Under reasonable
circumstances, one must carry out as many deeds of
behavior as possible that are preferred by the patient.
For instance, heart-felt care but not “blind deference”
of what she likes, such as “euthanasia”.
The physician so expressed his feelings: “I
certainly know that! I certainly know when she
vented out her temper, it wasn’t her genuine passion.
Anyway, she asked a representative in telling me the
story and we both wept in the outpatient clinic. I wrote
down the accounts of this appreciation and this is the
feeling of achievement”.
Therefore, when setting up this sort of “unspoken
consensus”, it is important for one to examine if it is in
the “balance between rationality and emotion, as well
as excessive demand and feasibility in reality”. If the
established “unspoken consensus” is not properly
managed, it would easily be fallen into greater regrets,
resulting in greater sufferings.
How Can We Cope With
Grief and Bereavement At
the Loss of Loved Ones?
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When facing death, everyone involved would
inevitably becomegrieved.However,atthesametime,
there are emotional issues that one must address.
Don’t let them to become a long-term psychological
burden and obstruction. This physician mentioned
that he often found his subordinate younger doctors
to be weeping at wall corners. He wished to make
a swap with them. He said, “We didn’t do anything
wrong, and we will be good to the patients. But, we
still grieved, and it is still hard for us to let go. This is
the kind of passions of human beings in this mundane
world.”
As a matter of fact, how does this physician
handle his grieving emotions? He said, “regardless
of being grieved or not, or of any negative emotions,
we often say that we can’t alter the stimulations, we
can’t alter the cognitions, but then we can alter the
responses to them. Under similar circumstances,
someone can be more optimistic while others may not
be so. The key point is the perspective that you have
taken, and it is an issue of choice. It is of the same
scenario, yet how we make a choice will make all
the difference. It can be explained from the spiritual
aspect, as well as from the physiological aspect”.
Upon rational analysis, on top of continuously
addressing to himself that “I have done nothing
wrong”, this physician also reminds himself,
analytically in a rational way, that: “I should have taken
what kind of perspectives in looking at the current
grieving emotions, and should have given what kind of
responses in handling the current grieving emotions.”
After all, grieving is grieving. In order to have a
hierarchical and deeper level of analysis on grief and
bereavement, one must first have to have a cool and
calm emotional level of thinking. Thus this physician
said: “It is mentioned in the ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’
by Morrie Schwartz that when emotions arise, he
doesn’t want to talk about the next life or this life.
When you feel like crying, then just go ahead to cry
out aloud. After that, clean up the tears and keep on
living through the next day.”
After crying, and the venting out of the negative
emotions, such that the quality on the cool and calm
emotional level of thinking is not obstructed, we can
then have the space to catch a breath, so to speak,
and have the moment to analyze the grief and
bereavement in a rational manner. As such, the grief
and bereavement can then be confronted and to be
taken care of properly, or even be able to turn the
grief and bereavement into strength.
Thus this physician said: “The first thing to do is
to be relaxed, including the doing of exercises for the
regulations of both the body and the mind. Once the
physical health has improved a bit, one’s mood would
then start to pick up towards the virtuous cycle more
easily, such that the person can be ensured to be in
good spirit everyday.
The second thing to do is to enable oneself to
develop one’s own spirituality (it is termed as “the
nature of mind” in Buddhism), which is to have a
correct cognition and understanding on the life-forms
of one’s ultimate life existence. With such a close
distance to observe the births and deaths of human
lives, it truly allows me to have a phenomenal growth.
It allows me to come to understand the limitations of
life, and recognize that lives are uncontrollable, such
that people in general feel that it is so helpless and
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uncontrollable over their own lives. I would think that
this kind of knowledge will be helpful for us in judging
what should be persisted seriously and what should
not, as well as what is valuable and what is not, in our
everyday life experiences.
Many physicians come to work without bringing
along their own passions in life, not to mention about
spirituality, which is a real pity. I clearly understand
what I would not be able to do in this life of mine.
I would not chase after those kinds of things that I
am not supposed to possess in a meaningless,
ineffective and unreasonable manner. Even though
some people are quite clear and certain about their
directions of life, yet they are still very arrogant. I am
rather humble. When I reach this moment in life, I
realize that there are things that I just can’t get, after
having pursued them for my entire life, and so I will
never force myself to get them anymore. Therefore,
I am happy and would not cry over meaningless
greediness.
What is the highest value in one’s life? The first
question to ask is what is the “core value”. I think it
is “growth”, especially “spiritual growth”. Hence,
I want to pursue after “growth” unceasingly. In the
aspect of my career prospect, this job allows me to
continue to grow, while the others do not, and so this
is a better one for me. This is to be judged upon by
one’s own “core value”.
“Spirituality” is also the same. I would remind
the younger doctors to pay attention to their “spiritual
development” everyday, in both their rightful positions,
and in their working environments. What is the most
important thing when caring for the patients? It is
“empathy”. With the devotion of one’s passions, some
physicians go after “spiritual development” day by
day, and to take care of terminal cancer patients with
“empathy”. Physicians should share their experiences
in their blogs: “for the sake of sharing happiness with
others will result in more happiness for ourselves, and
the pouring out of our feelings of sufferings will result
in less sufferings”.
I like rational analyses, and the consequences
allow me to have more positive perspectives towards
life. “Equilibrium between spirituality and rationality”
is the best method in confronting sorrows.
The third issue to tackle is to “develop a workable
objective so that oneself can be filled with hopes”.
In the process of one’s works, it is very important to
create or explore on the “sense of achievement”. One
must have to have this “sense of achievement” in
order to continue on working with persistence. This
“sense of achievement” could be tangible in nature.
For instance, after a mother had passed away, her
daughter (who had taken care of her for eight years)
still remembered to send in three baskets of fruits to
me, the younger doctor and also the senior physician,
when all of her mother’s funeral affairs were settled. To
us, this represents the kind of deepest “appreciation”,
as well as the greatest “sense of achievement” that
one can achieve. That is to say, what we have done will
naturally be remembered by the recipients. Hence,
after I have received the basket of fruits, I jotted down
the word “appreciation” in my own notebook.
By “setting up achievable objectives”, my patients
could be able to lead a more meaningful living, even
when their suffering lives are coming to the end. For
example, this mother who had set an objective of
“appreciation” (in offering the baskets of fruits) before
9
Back to ContentIssue no.37
10. Dudjom Buddhist Association (International)
4th Floor, Federal Centre, 77 Sheung On Street, Chaiwan, Hong Kong
Tel:(852) 2558 3680 Fax:(852) 3157 1144
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her death helped to hearten our group of exhausted
physicians, so that we could continue, full of hopes,
to strive and work for the extension of our patients’
lives and the improvement of their quality of living.
This mother’s “last wish before death” was to “urge
all physicians to endeavor in persisting with their
important works”. With hopes, life will definitely be full
of meanings, and definitely will be able to overcome
sorrows!”
Through the unremitting efforts of this group
of physicians, both the physicians and the patients
have developed a kind of heart-to-heart unspoken
consensus which cannot be described in words.
They mutually encourage each other, during periods
of pains and grief, and they walked through the dark
zones of life together in a heart-to-heart fashion. From
the very beginning, all through the whole process,
to the very end, they are so full of hopes about the
meaning of life. This is, indeed, their most glorious
heart-to-heart “unspoken consensus”. This is sufficient
to go through or overcome all kinds of sorrows. We
should all pay our honorable salutations to this group
of dedicated doctors and make our whole-hearted
prayers for them...…(To be Continued)
Remarks:
1. The newly-released book on “The Meanings of Near-Death Experiences (1)” has
been published. Its contents include the articles on “The Meanings of the Near-Death
Experiences” from Issues 1 to 10 of the “Lake of Lotus”.
2. The newly-released book on “The Meanings of Near-Death Experiences (2) – The Key
Points at the Moment of Death and the Essential Revelations of the Tibetan Book of the
Dead” has been published. Its contents include the articles on “The Meaning of the
Near-Death Experiences” from Issues 11 to 20 of the “Lake of Lotus”.
3. The newly-released book on “The Meaning of Near-Death Experiences (3) – The Various
Ways of Realization and Rescue of Dying Kith and Kin” has been published. Its contents
include the articles on “The Meaning of Near-Death Experiences” from Issues 21 to 30
of the “Lake of Lotus”.
Listen to the patient
empathically
Express the
empathic feelings
as personal experi-
ence to the patient
Pass on the mes-
sage of accepting,
understanding
and tribute with
genuineness
On the same camp of “Companionship”
Develop Unspoken
Consensus –
under reasonable
circumstances,
carry out more
likeable Behaviors
to the patient
Express Unspoken
Consensus – with
the attitude to
express feelings
that the patient
recognizes and
considers as of
same direction
Coordinate Unspo-
ken Consensus
– when deviation
appears, employ
proper approach to
coordinate mutual
thoughts to shorten
the distance and
seek for building
of common ground
of unspoken con-
sensus
“Unspoken Consensus” from Heart to Heart
Accompanying with Unspoken Consensus
10
Back to ContentIssue no.37