Lake of lotus (35) the profound abstruseness of life and death-the meaning of nd es (35)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association

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The Profound Abstruseness of
Life and Death
What is Your Most Wanted Thing When You Come Across a Major Crisis?
How to Express your Genuine Concern to a Seriously-Ill Patient?
Excerpt of Last Chapter: Various
Reasons on the Formation of Different
Scenes at the “Moment of Death”
The “scenes at the moment of death” can be roughly classified in
the following categories in accord with the varieties of the “main
causes” and “auxiliary conditions”:
1. The “Separation of the Four Elements” – the “main cause” (the
internal “consciousness” and “sub-consciousness”, including
all kinds of memories) conjoins with the “auxiliary conditions”
(the ‘Separation of the Four Elements’ in the external circum-
stances) in forming the “scenes at the moment of death” (please
refer to the articles on “The Meaning of Near-death Experienc-
es” in Issues 8 and 20 of the “Lake of Lotus”).
The Meaning of
Near-Death
Experiences (35)
The Meaning of
Near-Death
Experiences (35)
13
By Vajra Master Pema Lhadren
Translated by Simon S.H. Tang
Issue no.35 Back to Content

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2. The “Endorphins Inside the Brain” – the “main
cause” (the internal “consciousness” and “sub-
consciousness”) conjoins with the “auxiliary con-
ditions” (the “endorphins inside the brain” of the
external circumstances) in forming the “scenes at
the moment of death” (please refer to the article
on “The Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in
Issue 21 of the “Lake of Lotus”).
3. The “Karmic Forces” – the “main cause” (the in-
ternal “consciousness” and “sub-consciousness”)
conjoins with the “auxiliary conditions” (the “kar-
mic forces” of the external circumstances) in form-
ing the “scenes at the moment of death”. This can
be further classified into the following two kinds:
i. Wholesome Ones – arising from: (a) virtuous
retributions (please refer to the article on “The
Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in Issue
21 of the “Lake of Lotus”); and (b) the efforts of
one’s Dharma practice (the main theme of this
article in this issue).
ii. Unwholesome Ones – arising from: (a) vicious
retributions; and (b) the forces of karmic credi-
tors in seeking compensations on one’s karmic
debts.
According to the records of different surveys, most of
the dying people had seen the following scenes:
1. Protectors or avengers: (i) good ones – saw kith and
kin who had passed away, unknown protectors,
deities or Buddhas coming to fetch for oneself
(ii) bad ones – being besieged by a crowd of fero-
cious persons or beasts, and going along in
company with groups of people who looked
confused.
2. Strange places: (i) good ones – saw pavilions, bal-
conies, buildings, flower fields, rivers, light zones,
towns or cities.
(ii) bad ones – saw wilderness, forests, darkness,
caverns, hells.
3. Messy Issues that cannot be recalled clearly.
How would the Buddhist point of view comment on
these phenomena? According to the Buddhist teach-
ings, it was said that rebirth would take place within
forty-nine days after a person has passed away, then
why would a dying person see the kith and kin who
had passed away long time ago still coming to fetch
for him or her? Why had not the kith and kin taken re-
births after so many years posthumously? Are the ap-
pearances of these deceased persons merely the illu-
sions of the person who is going to die? Or were they
really true? Are there any other reasons? Are those
strange places the destinations where they are going
to be reborn into? Under what circumstances would
the normal rebirth of a dying person be negatively en-
cumbered? Is there any way to help a deceased per-
son to avert sufferings
and elevate to a better
place of rebirth?
Human beings have
four kinds of condi-
tions of conscious-
ness (please refer
to the article “The
Wisdom in Directing
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the dying patients respond to the “transforma-
tion of consciousness” and change of “scenes at
the moment of death” for guiding the emotions and
spiritual direction of the dying patients? Could the
“transformation of consciousness” and the change of
“scenes at the moment of death” be complementary
to each other? Furthermore, the “disintegration of the
Four Elements” of the physical body also affects the
“transformation of consciousness”, as well as on the
change of the “scenes at the moment of death”.
Hence, how should one support and provide guid-
ance to a dying patient in order to reduce or resolve
the predicament from these problems?
What is the Ultimate Assistance
in the First Stage of Approaching
Death?
The care-givers, kin and kith and professional
counselors should perform the following steps when a
dying person is approaching the “first stage of death”:
1. Accepting and Understanding
2. Listening and Observing
3. Analyzing and Adopting
4. Leading Out and Guiding In
5. Accompanying with Unspoken Consensus
One’s Dharma Practice” in Issue 26 of the “Lake of
Lotus”) as follows:
1. Beta ß waves – the “conscious condition” of daily living;
2. Alpha a waves – the relaxed “consciousness condi-
tion”, such as in entering into the elementary stage
of ‘visualization”, or at the first stage of “mental
concentration”; or the condition when the “spiritual
body” is slowly separating from the “physical body”;
3. Theta O waves – the peaceful “conscious condi-
tion” of having entered into higher levels of
“visualization”, or at the deeper levels of “mental
concentration”;
4. Delta δ waves – slow “conscious condition” of not
having any dreams, and in a stage of slow-wave
deep sleep.
In fact, how does the arising of the different stages
in approaching death and its “transformation of con-
sciousness” affect the thoughts and behaviors of
dying patients? What are their relationships with the
“scenes at the moment of death”? How should
the family and kin and kith who take care of
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The key points of applica-
tion and their importance
on the issues of “Accepting
and Understanding” and
“Listening and Observing”
had been clearly high-
lighted in the cases of the
previous chapters (please
refer to the articles on “The
Meaning of Near-death Ex-
periences” in Issues 29-30
of the “Lake of Lotus”), as
well as on the issue of “Ana-
lyzing and Adopting” by
the dying persons (please refer to the article on “The
Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in Issue 31 of
the “Lake of Lotus”) have been clearly explained.
To most people, the issues of “Accepting and Un-
derstanding” and “Listening and Observing” are not
difficult to do and it is relatively easy to carry out un-
der the call of “love” and with one’s wisdom. Not too
many skills will be required. Even though a person
has never learned of the relevant know-how, nor have
received any such relevant training, he or she can
still spontaneously provide proper care or resolve
various problems for the seriously-ill persons, or dy-
ing patients.
However, the quality and depth of the resolution to
a problem would be inadequate or imperfect, due
to the lack of relevant know-how or training by the
participants. In order that both the care-giving fam-
ily members and the dying patients do not have re-
morse which will be too late to repent later on, but
only ultimate offering in farewell with a “heart-to-heart
connection and having no trace of regret”, the follow-
ing three steps should be included in the issues that
must be done when a dying patient is approaching
the “first stage of death”.
There are at least two parts to the issue of “Analyzing
and Adopting” in the third step. The first part of “Ana-
lyzing and Adopting” is to be directed by a dy-
ing patient, while the second part of “Analyz-
ing and Adopting”, which is to be directed by
the care-givers, kin and kith and professional
counselors , have already been discussed in
the previous two chapters (please refer to the
articles on “The Meaning of Near-death Expe-
riences” in Issues 32 and 33 of the “Lake of
Lotus”). The fourth step on “Leading Out and
Guiding In” has already been discussed in
the last chapter (please refer to the article on
“The Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in
Issue 34 of the “Lake of Lotus”). Now, we are
going to discuss the fifth step on “Accompa-
nying with Unspoken Consensus”.
What is Your Most Wanted Thing
When You Come Across a Major
Crisis?
When a person comes across a major crisis, some
expectations will certainly arise from oneself. Besides
some vague wishes, it is crucial that some pragmatic
needs should be satisfied which would are more
significant to them. For instances, when a person
gets cancer, the most needed thing would be that
someone is caring about him, understanding him,
accepting him, making company with him and assist-
ing him to go through the proper treatments.
Therefore, a care-taker
must stand by the side
of the patient and un-
derstand what is the
patient’s most wanted
thing. At the same time
of understanding, the
care-taker would best
be able to develop a re-
lationship on the issue
of “Accompanying with
Unspoken Consensus”
with the patient. There
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are a few key points in the development of such kind
of a relationship:
(1) On the same camp of companionship – compris-
ing of
a) Listen to the patient empathically,
b) Express the empathic feelings as personal
experience to the patient,
c) Pass on the message of accepting, under-
standing and tribute with genuineness.
(2) Unspoken Consensus from Heart to Heart – com-
prising of
a) Develop Unspoken Consensus – under reason-
able circumstances, carry out more welcome
behaviors to the patient,
b) Express Unspoken Consensus – with the attitude
to express feelings that the patient recognizes
and considers as of same direction,
c) Coordinate Unspoken Consensus – when
deviation appears, employ proper approach
to coordinate mutual thoughts to shorten the
distance and seek for building of common
ground for unspoken consensus.
(1) In the same camp of companionship -
a) Empathically listen to the voice from the bottom
of the patient’s heart:
When a patient comes to know that he or she is
seriously ill and might not live long, the kind of complicated
emotions would certainly cause confusion in thoughts.
Among which the most commonly-arisen
emotion that is often seen is that “how is my
illness seen in the eyes of others?”. Apathy?
Gloating over the mishap? Grieving excessively?
Giving no weight to it? Paying no attention to it?
Intending to help out but lack of ability? Caring
with genuineness? Providing assistance?
As a patient, he or she would have certain an-
ticipation or viewpoint upon the response of
each and every person. If the response of the
kith and kin differs too much from the anticipa-
tion of the patient, a certain unspeakable feeling of ab-
sence of mutual understanding would result. It would
affect the caring provided by the kith and kin, or the
care-giver, which might worsen the negative emotions
of the patient.
Therefore, kith and kin,
or care-giver, must fig-
ure out a way to develop
a good relationship of
mutual understanding
and trust with the
patient. For the first step,
one must listen to the pa-
tient with empathy. The
first thing is to find out
what is the expectation,
or viewpoint, of the pa-
tient upon you. There-
fore, at the same time of
listening to the patient, it
is better to guide him to express to you what is his or
her expectation or viewpoint on you.
In fact, this is a rather important step. It is a quick
and effective way of breaking the septum and doubt
among each other. There is a case about a husband
who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Under
the situation of not many alternatives, he decided
to go for naturopathy. Moreover, he thought that the
“fung-sui” of his residence was not good, such that
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he ended up with an incurable disease. For the sake
of a slim chance of survival, he expected to live in the
best living environment to cope with the naturopathy.
As such, he proposed to his wife for moving to an-
other residence.
(Remark: “Fung-sui” is a kind of traditional Chinese
metaphysics dealing with the environment, setting,
construction, decoration, etc. in the residence or
graveyard with which, it is believed to be connected
to the fortune, health, wealth and so on of those
people concerned.)
It was a pity that the wife firmly refused to move as
she regarded that it was too troublesome to move out.
As a result, the husband declared to the wife, “if you
don’t want to move, I will move out. I will separate
from you and I can take care of myself.” Everybody
has gotten one’s own reasons for doing things. How-
ever, as the kith and kin or care-giver, please keep in
mind that this is a moment of life and death, and so
a person should not merely take one’s own viewpoint
for consideration and keep arguing but not giving
way for any concession. Instead, one should listen to
the patient empathically.
As a patient, if he firmly believes that his disease was
derived from the residence, then the home is definite-
ly the origin of sickness to him and is thus not suit-
able for rehabilitation. This rationale is very simple:
“Dislike” is a sort of negative emotion which would
worsen or accelerate the symptoms. Changing the
residence to a place where the patient likes would
definitely bring a fresh and peaceful feelings to the
patient, which will be good for the recovery of the pa-
tient. Therefore, it is no longer an issue of whether it
is “a superstition or not, or not to be as superstitious
as the patient”. Rather, it is an issue of whether one
is “willing to devote to the patient for his well-being
or not, or whether one really loves the patient or not”.
In avoiding the troubles by refusing the requests of
the patient, which is undoubtedly an expression of
the wife’s behavior that made the patient felt that his
wife did not care about his feelings and situations, but
only cared about her own benefits and standpoints.
To the patient, it was such a gesture of message that
really hurts deep down inside. From the statement he
made, one can deeply feel that he was so desolate,
and was thus thinking, “I don’t need your help. I will
save myself.”
Apparently, the patient didn’t feel being accepted
or sympathized. He had decided to face all those
challenges all by himself in walking alone on the
road. Therefore, during this critical period of life and
death, the kith and kin, or care-giver, should not offer
an opinion or make a decision casually. One should
first listen to the patient empathically. Only then, can
a direction of “companionship” be figured out.
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How to Express your Genuine
Concern to a Seriously-Ill Patient?
b) Express your empathic feelings as personal
experience to the patient:
After listening to her husband’s heartfelt words, his
wife should have thought of the following points:
1. How should I vent out his unfolded emotions at the
present moment?
2. How should I convey the message that his emo-
tional exposure is a normal reaction and not to be
surprised?
3. If I follow his requests, how many and how great
would be the benefits to him?
4. How should I convey the message that I do share
the same opinion with him, so that he would feel
pleased and comforted?
5. How should I convey the fact that, even though
there are messages that we don’t share the same
opinions, I have made concessions purely on the
ground that I love him so as to make my sacrifice
as a tribute to him?
6. How should I convey the message that, even
though I didn’t make any concessions, it is purely
because I have better and more suitable sugges-
tions for the betterment of his benefits?
7. How should I convey the message that he has full
authority in making choices and he is not being
forced or being isolated?
8. How should I express my feelings so that he can
feel that those feelings of mine are to be in
congruent with his?
9. How should I convey the message so that he can
feel that I am totally on his side for a "heartfelt
companionship"?
10.How should I convey the message so that he can
feel that, even though our thoughts may differ
only slightly and if given some minor coordination
and readjustment, I will be totally on his side for a
"heartfelt companionship"?
When the kith and kin, or care-giver, encounters
emotional reactions of the patient, it is best to pass
out such a message: “It is better to be just an ordinary
person, and don’t strain oneself to be an angel.”
Therefore, we should accept that it is normal to see
emotional reactions of a
patient, and this is just
natural for such kind of
responses. In dealing
with the situation in such
a way, the patient will feel
that he is being accepted
and understood, which
would help to vent out his
emotions.
Since “listening to the
patient’s needs” is the
top hierarchy in the
procedures “for caring
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Remarks:
1. The newly-released book on “The Meanings of Near-Death Experiences (1)” has been published. Its contents
include the articles on “The Meanings of the Near-Death Experiences” from Issues 1 to 10 of the “Lake of
Lotus”.
2. The newly-released book on “The Meanings of Near-Death Experiences (2) – The Key Points at the Moment
of Death and the Essential Revelations of the Tibetan Book of the Dead” has been published. Its contents
include the articles on “The Meaning of the Near-Death Experiences” from Issues 11 to 20 of the “Lake of
Lotus”.
3. The newly-released book on “The Meaning of Near-Death Experiences (3) – The Various Ways of Realization
and Rescue of Dying Kith and Kin” has been published. Its contents include the articles on “The Meaning of
Near-Death Experiences” from Issues 21 to 30 of the “Lake of Lotus”.]
the patient”, the kith and kin or care-giver should
not make any casual remarks or suggestions to the
patient before having thorough understanding, analy-
sis and preparation. If the patient express dislikes to
the medical staff in “anger”, the kith and kin or care-
giver should listen to the patient with an attitude of
attempting to realize the situation, and should not de-
fend, or battle against the medical staff with the pa-
tient. Any actions to heighten the confrontation, or to
“express an opposite opinion”, should never be em-
ployed. One should merely show an attitude to listen
patiently for “realization and understanding”.
Listen to the patient
empathically
Express the em-
pathic feelings as
personal experi-
ence to the patient
Pass on the mes-
sage of accepting,
understanding and
tribute with genu-
ineness
On the same camp of Companionship
Develop unspoken
consensus – under
reasonable cir-
cumstances, carry
out more likeable
Behaviors to the
patient
Express unspoken
consensus – with
the attitude to
express feelings
that the patient
recognizes and
considers as of
same direction
Coordinate unspo-
ken consensus
– when deviation
appears, employ
proper approach to
coordinate mutual
thoughts to shorten
the distance and
seek for building
of common ground
of unspoken con-
sensus
Unspoken Consensus of Heart to Heart
After listening, and if the circumstances allows, we
should attempt to resolve the existing problems un-
der the consideration that it would not disturb the
patient’s emotions too much. Genuine concern is not
only limited to the expressions by spoken soft words,
but it should also include actual support and assist-
ance. This sort of sentimentally attentive and intimate
caring would shorten the distance between oneself
and the patient, such that both would feel that they
are on the same side for “companionship”.…(To be
Continued)
Accompanying and Unspoken Consensus
20

Lake of lotus (35) the profound abstruseness of life and death-the meaning of nd es (35)-by vajra master pema lhadren-dudjom buddhist association

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