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JÓLABJÓR 2012
Fyrirlestur á samkomu karlaklúbbsins
Lóksins

24. nóvember 2012
Björn Gunnlaugsson
Doktor í blakkáti
BJÓR ER EINS OG KYNLÍF…
GÓÐA VEISLU GJÖRA SKAL…
JÓLABJÓR Í FEBRÚAR?
THE TWO TOWERS…
ÚT Á LÍFIÐ!
VIKING JÓLA BOCK 6,2%
GÆÐINGUR   5%
GILJAGAUR   10%
EINSTÖK   6,7%
GUINESS Í APPELSÍNI
EGILS MALT   5,6%
ANCHOR   5,5%
SHEPHERD NEAME 7%
MIKKENER HOPPY LOVIN’
   7,8%
ÖLVISHOLT JÓLABJÓR   5%
FÖRÖYA JÓLABRYGGJ   5,8%
KALDI   5,4%
TAKK FYRIR MIG!

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Jólabjór fyrirlestur

Editor's Notes

  1. … when it’s good, it’s really, really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. Enhvaðáaðveraígóðumjólabjór? Ífyrstalagiþarfhannaðverasterkur – áfengiðáaðyljamanniísvartastaskammdeginu, auk þesssemmaðuráaðveraígóðuskapiyfirhátíðirnar, jafnvelgeturminniháttarlauslætiveriðafhinugóða. Forfeðurokkarhöfðuþáóskraðuregluaðframhjáhaldvarfyrirgefiðefþaðfórframífrosti. Maður gat notaðþáafsökunaðmaðurhefðibaraorðiðaðhlýjasér.Íöðrulagiágóðurjólabjóraðverakryddaður, helstmeðeinhverjujólalegueinsogkanel, engifer, múskati, negul, sítrónu. Samastöffinuogvið notum gjarnaníjólabaksturinn. Ogíþriðjalagiágóðurjólabjóraðeinkennastafþvísamaogjólahátíðirnar – undanlátssemi. Viðmissumokkuraðeinsí mat, drykkogpeningaeyðsluyfirhátíðirnaraðgömlumsið. Þaðsnýsthreinlega um aðlifaaf.
  2. Forfeðurokkarvorualvegmeðetta. Jóladrykkjaerævafornsiðurnorrænna manna, miklueldri en kristintrú. Höfðingjarbuðufjölmennitilsíníjólaveislurog um þettaleytiársvarþaðskylda. Égendurtek: skylda. Aðeigajólabjórhandagestumoggangandi. Freyrvarblótaður ,hannvarfrjósemisguðogmennhafaveriðaðveltafyrirsérmerkinguorðsinsJól. Mín kenning eraðþaðséskyltorðinuHjól – ogtengistþvíaðmennhafitekiðsnúningáwifeswapping.Myndineraf Café de Paris í London, þarsemégfóríbestavinnustaðapartílífsmíns, útúrkókaðurísleikvið Debbie from accounts ádansgólfinu. Ogviðbyrjumáþvíaðafgreiðafjórarbjórtegundirsemégtengieinmittviðvinnustaðapartí.
  3. Þessirbjórareruallirvondir. Þeirverðaallirtilíríkinulöngueftiraðalmennilegurjólabjóreruppseldur. Enginnmeðfulluvitikaupirþessabjórahandasjálfurmsér. Þeirseljasthelstívinnustaðajólapartíefvinnuveitandinnþarfaðsplæsa. Val vinnuveitandansábjórsegirýmislegt um hann. Þeirviljaalliraðstaffiðhaldiaðþeirséuaðveita vel. Þessvegnakaupamargirharboeþvíhannkostarbara 249kr stykkiðogþessvegnahægtaðfámargafyrirtíuþúsundkall. Svoeruvinnuveitendursemhaldaaðþeirséuflottiráþvímeðþvíaðbjóðauppáúrval. Þeirkaupa Royal bræðurnarÓgeðogViðbjóð. Albanierhinsvegarklassafyrirofan, kostaryfir 300 kalldósinogerheil 7%. Efþinnvinnuveitandikaupirþennanþáerþaðvísbending um aðhannsésjálfuralki.En hvaðmeð Debbie from accounts? Hvaðamöguleikaámaðuríhanahjáþessumvinnuveitendum? MaðurerfljóturaðneglahanaáAlbani, vegnaáfengismagnsins. Harboetekurmeiritímaogfleiridósir. Efþaðer Royal þaáttuáhættuaðlendaíþvíaðhúngetiekkiákveðiðhvorthúnætliheimmeðþéreðafélagaþínum.
  4. Þessirþrírerutilheimabrúks. Égdrakkþáígleriþegarégvaraðdæmaþá en yfirleitterþaðpjatt, svonaeinsogaðsetjaá sig handáburðáður en maðurrúnkarsér. Þettaeru MacDonald’s, Burger King og KFC jólabjóranna. SölutölurfyrstuvikunafyrirTuborg: 64.705 stk. Viking: 29.673 stk. Gulliðkemstekkiáblað, en þaðerlangbestibjórinnafþessumþremuríár. En þettaerubjórarsem, fyrirmanneinsogmig, komabaraístaðinnfyrirvenjuleganbjórídesember. Égdrekkbjóráhverjumdegi, no big deal. ÍdesemberhættiégaðdrekkaTuborg Classic ogfæméreinnafþessumístaðinn. Útaffyrir sig ekkertjólalegtviðþá. Skoðumlýsingarnaráheimasíðu ÁTVR: Ósætur, meðalfylltur, miðlungsbeiskja. Þessirbjorareruekki all in. Fyrirfólksemvillkaffiðsittekki of sterktogekki of dauft. Sempantarsteikina medium rare.
  5. Jæja, núbyrjumviðáalvörubjórunum. Bjórereinsogkynlífsagðiégáðan. Égætlaþvíaðfjalla um bjóranaíþvísamhengi.Fyrirhvernjólabjórverðursvaraðspurningunum: Áhvaðaskemmtistaðertustaddur, hverermeðþér, hvaðerklukkanoghvernigverðurkynlífsreynslan.
  6. The English Pub. 11:30. Taxi heim, sjortari, taxiafturniðuríbæ.
  7. Dolly. Hálftvö. Mjúktoghlýlegt, áísbjarnarfeldifyrirframanarineld. Þegarþúertaðlaumastískónatekurðueftirþvíaðfeldurinnerúrgerviefniúr IKEA ogarineldurinnádvd.
  8. Þessiervístuppseldurstrax. Þaðeralltafeinnjólabjórsemveðjaráaðverða legend afafspurnfrekar en afeiginverðleikum. Einusinnivorutveirbyggingaverkamennaðskiptastálygasögum. Annarsagðisthafafariðheimmeðkonusemvarmeðbrjósteinsogvatnsmelónur. Þaðernúekkertsegirhinn. Súsemégreið um helginavarmeðsnípeinsogsítróna. Ha? Varhannsvonastór? Nei, svonasúr.Ölstofan, korteríþrjú. Ásalernistaðarins, mikiðfálm, japl, jamlogfuður en svoþarfaðhættaáður en þúkemstalmennilegaí gang afþvíaðeinhvererfarinnaðbanka.
  9. Boston. Miðnætti.Þúertheppinníkvöld, húnerstraxtilíaðfarameðþérheimogþiðelskistallanóttinaafþvíaðþiðvoruðekkiorðin of full. Égdrakkfjórasvonaígærogfékkméreinníafréttaraímorgunþannigaðviðskulumsegjaaðhúnvekiþigmeðtottiogþiðákveðiðaðhittastaftur.
  10. Den danskekro. Hádegiásunnudegi. Þú lest um þaðáblogginuhennarhvernig var.
  11. Zimsen.Hálffimm. Þúverðurfyrirvonbrigðum, helduraðþúsértaðfaraaðafmeyjahanaþvíhúnlíturútfyriraðverafimmtán en svokemstuaðþvíaðhúnermeðhringísnípnumogsvoútúr e-uðaðhúnmeikarekkiaðríða.
  12. Hótel Holt. Hálfníu. Stjörnuspáinsagðiaðþúmyndirhittaerlendakonu. Þúertútiaðborðameðmömmuogþessisituránæstaborðioggefurþérauga. Þegarþúertbúinnaðsetjagömluuppíleigubílbýðurhúnþérísvítunaog around the world.
  13. Dubliner. Hálfátta. Samastjörnuspá en í parallel universe ákvaðstuaðkomaviðá Dubliner ogfáþéreinndrykkáður en þúfæriraðhittamömmuáHoltinu. Þúfellurfyrirírskahreimnum en sérðeftirþvíogertmestfeginnaðmissameðvitundafsúrefnisskortiþegarhúnlegstofanáþig.
  14. Austur. Korteryfirþrjú. Húnlæturþigbjóðaséríglasogdrekkurfjóra Long Island Iced Tea semkosta 2900 stykkið. SvoheimtarhúnleigubílheimtilsínogbýráArnarnesinu. Húnermeðísprautaðarvarir, feiknef, feikbrjóst, plokkaðapíku, rakaðoghvíttaðrassgatoghefurfáránlegakornítalandaámeðanþiðeruðaðgeraþað, soldiðeinsoghúnhorfiaðeinsogmikiðáklám. Þessibjórkostar 889 krónuríríkinu en égbendiáaðfrásamaframleiðandamákaupabjórsemheitir Red White Christmas, erí 1,5 lítraflöskuogkostar 4838 krónur. ÞaðersamagellanemanúþarftuaðkaupaflugmiðatilAkureyrar.
  15. HemmiogValdi. Tvöleytið. Lofargóðu en þegarþiðkomiðheimírisíbúðinahennarí 101 verðurhúnaðfásérjónutilaðkomastígírinn. húnáfimmkettisemnuddasérutaníþigoghúnsjálferþakinlíkamshárum.
  16. Moe’s Bar íJafnaseli. Korteryfirtíu. Þúætlaðirbaraaðfáþérnokkrakaldaoghorfaáboxið en þásettistþettaviðriniviðhliðinaáþéroglétþigekkiífriði. Þúdastút, þvíhúnhefurlaumaðeinhverjuídrykkinnhjáþérogþegarþúvaknarblæðirúrrassgatinuáþér.
  17. Vegamót. Skiptirekkimálihvaðklukkaner. Húnbrosirtilþínviðbarinn. Húnblikkarþigádansgólfinu. Húnklípurþigírassinnfyrirutanklósettið. Húnsplæsiráþigbjór. Húnborgartaxannheim. Húnkyngir. Húnertilíopiðsamband. Hinfullkomnakona.