This is an interview with Elaine about the impact she has made on the diversity field.

1. 6 HE R S TO RY
meet
Miss Diversity
iversity When Elaine Sihera stepped out into the cold after 34 years of
marriage, she found a new soulmate – herself. Since then she
has never been happier. Diana Ferguson discovers her secret
S
Caption caption peaking in a soft Caribbean lilt despite men in her life. (Ironically her father died of
caption caption 40 years in the UK, Elaine Sihera fizzes cancer in 1963, too early to see her success.)
caption caption with self-confidence and enthusiasm for Although her mother loved and valued her,
life. ‘The sky is my absolute limit,’ she says, ‘and she still did not spare the rod: ‘Violence was an
yet I’m now 58. How many 58-year-olds have answer for both my father and mother.’ It was
that sort of attitude?’ a product of their own experience and
Publisher, author, public speaker, diversity guru upbringing, Elaine now realises.
and personal empowerment coach, Elaine is an Paternal neglect was compounded by other
inspiration to all who know her. But she is even severe childhood traumas, the memory of which
more inspiring when you learn what she has she buried for years. Her studies, at a prestigious
had to overcome. convent school, suffered: ‘I left school with only
three O’ levels. Because of all the things that
absent father happened to me I did not apply myself because
Born in Jamaica, Elaine and her sister did not most of the time I was feeling terrible.’
have a loving start in life – at least where their In 1967, Elaine emigrated to the UK, arriving,
father was concerned. ‘Women are no good, on the eve of her nineteenth birthday, at a
they will just get pregnant, hospital King’s Lynn, Norfolk, to train as a nurse.
have children and amount to It was here that she experienced racism for
‘The sky is my nothing,’ was the mantra of the first time. ‘We had about 30 black nurses
limit. How many this handsome ‘black Steve in the whole hospital,’ she recalls. ‘To give you
McQueen’, who starved his a measure how bad the treatment was of us,
58-year-olds daughters of affection and nine of those nurses ended up in the local
have that sort praise, stayed away from mental hospital – that’s nearly 33 per cent!’
home for long periods, and
of attitude?’ lavished all his attention on wife and mother
a son he had by a woman Leaving nursing, Elaine resumed her education,
who was not his wife. As a result Elaine spent gaining A’ levels in history and English. She then
years trying to be ‘the boy her father never had’ fell in love with the man who was to be her
and craving affection and approval from the husband. They married, and the years that
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2. HER STORY 7

3. 8 HER STORY
‘No matter how
great people told
me I was, I never
felt good inside’
Caption for 2 pics followed saw the birth of two children inside she still bore the scars of her childhood.
caption caption caption – a son in 1973 and a daughter in XXXX – ‘The lack of resolution, or even of addressing
caption caption caption as well as Open University degrees in English my pain, ensured that I carried those negative
and social sciences in 1975 (she was their first feelings for years. No matter how great people
AfroCaribbean graduate) and a postgraduate in told me I was, no matter how much I was
history and education from Cambridge valued, it was never sufficient to make me
University in 1977. feel good inside.’ She even attempted suicide
After 12 years in teaching and educational on more than one occasion.
management, she took advantage of a Within her marriage, Elaine was still that
government grant of £75,000 and set up desperate little girl looking for her father’s
her own education magazine to bridge the approval. ‘I knew that I wasn’t happy but I
gap between the different ethnic communities. couldn’t put my finger on it. I was always
Sadly, it ‘failed fantastically’ after just three years. feeling low, I was always feeling bad, I never
In 1993, aged 44, she relaunched it. Aimed felt adequate enough, I was always trying to
this time at businesses and government, it please my husband. Even though I did things
dealt with equality issues in the workplace, well I liked, it was always in a restrained way because
before they were fashionable, earning her the I was thinking, is he happy with this? Is
nickname ‘Miss Diversity’. Published by AnSer everything all right?’
Publishing, the company she founded in XXXX, The stress of pursuing her personal goals
the reformulated magazine ran for 10 years. while still trying to be the perfect wife started
to tell. Relations with her husband deteriorated:
brave front ‘I think what happened was that we just
Marriage, two beautiful children, academic and changed direction. I wanted to get on in my
professional success – to the outside world life in ways that were more independent and
Elaine Sihera seemed to have everything. But he felt threatened by that.’ Her business suffered
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4. HER STORY 9
too: ‘It just began to collapse because I was too trying to revive the Awards in a different form. What I believe
engrosssed in trying to sort out the marriage.’ As The new Elaine has become an author, too, Elaine ’s recipe for a rich
if these emotional stresses weren’t enough, writing Money, Sex and Compromise, about and fulfilling life:
Elaine developed diabetes. fatal flaws in relationships; 10 Easy Steps to
Finding Your Soulmate; and 10 Easy Steps to
• Love yourself ‘If
you don’t love yourself
watershed Growing Old Disgracefully (see pages 21–23). nobody else is going to
Finally, in 1999, she could no longer hold back She is also a columnist for Black Britain Online. love you at all, because
you’re asking somebody
the pain of decades. ‘This carried on until I was Her websites and role as a diversity guru and
else to love what you
51 when, with the help of a total stranger who in personal empowerment have heightened
reject.’
was going though a kind of hell himself, I her public profile. In 2004, she was asked to
managed to cry buckets non-stop for two address the United Nations Women’s • Believe have to
‘You really
in yourself
weeks. I finally faced the demons buried deep Leadership Conference in Paris in 2004. In early believe in yourself or
inside me, the ones I had refused to face all 2007, she was invited to Bermuda to speak on nobody else will. We get
those years.’ equal opportunities, and so impressed the the affirmation once we
Three years later, at the age of 54, with authorities that they have asked her to return. have affirmed ourselves.
all hope of reconciliation with her husband It’s an inside job.’
gone, she left the marriage. She had no home, love of life • Know yourself
‘Know who you are
little money (2005 would be the most dire There have been romantic involvements too,
and where you’re going
year, when the fallout from the collapse of but the most important relationship Elaine has
because if you don’t,
her business finally hit) and no idea of what is the one with herself. She is happy in her what you want will come
lay ahead. skin, happy to be alive. ‘When I get up in the under your nose and
It was nothing short of a morning I say to myself, pass you by, and you
baptism of fire: ‘Whatever is to right Elaine, so what are won’t realise it’s there.’
happen to you will happen, ‘I give gratitude you going today? Many
that’s my philosophy. I had
to get out of the house
every single people take everything in
their life for granted. I don’t.
to rediscover me and my morning for the I give gratitude every single
husband was probably the fact that I have morning for the people
catalyst to get me out so I in my life, for my children
can’t blame him for anything another day’ – for the fact that I have
that happened to me.’ another day! Because we’re
She plunged into a journey of self-discovery, not guaranteed life, you know. Yes, the trend
devouring 68 books in 18 months. ‘That turned is that we live till such an age but we are not
my whole perspective around about who I am, guaranteed it. The only moment we have is
what I am, where I am going, now. And so if we don’t appreciate it and
what my purpose is.’ utilise it, we could lose it all.’
The seeds sowed earlier began to sprout and For Elaine Sihera, it would seem, the sky
a new Elaine blossomed. In front of audiences is indeed the limit.
of up to 600 people at such prestigious venues
as London’s Savoy Hotel, she hosted the annual Find out more
British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men • Money, Sex and Compromise,
Money Available from AnSer Publishing,
£0.00 Maidenhead, Berkshire email:
and Women of the Year Awards. She had easysteps@ elainesihera.co.uk see
• 10 Easy Steps To Finding
personally founded these herself, back in Your Ideal Soulmate, £0.00 also: www.elainesihera.co.uk www.
diversityleaders.org.uk
1995 and XXXX respectively, to honour the • 10 Easy Steps To Growing
Old Disgracefully, £0.00
contribution of minorities to Britain. The last
ceremony was held in XXXX and she is now
S erene 9