Orang asing mengajak berbicara di toilet umum, membuat orang itu tidak nyaman. Rapat guru di sekolah diganggu suara kentut yang memicu komentar lucu dari guru-guru. Tiga binatang harus menyeberangi sungai yang dihuni buaya lapar.
Sinds de komst van de computer zijn de ontwerpmogelijkheden sterk toegenomen. De vertaling van het ontwerp gebeurt echter nog vaak via plannen, die dan op de werf met traditionele bouwmethoden worden uitgevoerd. Al de informatie die digitaal beschikbaar is gaat als het ware verloren bij deze stap. Digitale fabricatie brengt hier verandering in, door een directe verbinding te maken tussen het ontwerp en de productie. Het reëel object is als het ware een exacte kopie van het virtueel model.
SPIF staat voor Single Point Incremental Forming. Door met behulp van een industriële robot het metaal geleidelijk aan in te duwen volgens een bepaalde gereedschapsbaan (toolpath), is er een grote verscheidenheid van geometrie mogelijk. Aangezien er geen mal nodig is voor dit proces, is het ideaal voor prototyping. Ook in architectuur is deze ontwerpvrijheid uiteraard een grote meerwaarde.
Via één of meerdere test cases zou ik de mogelijkheden van deze techniek in een architecturale context willen onderzoeken. Mogelijke toepassingen zijn bijvoorbeeld een zelfdragende gevel of een dakconstructie die door zijn geometrie geen dragende onderstructuur meer nodig heeft. Gebaseerd op een bestaand project van een carport, heb ik als voorbeeld een structuur gemodelleerd en onderworpen aan een bepaalde belasting. In het tweede geval is op dezelfde geometrie een grid van ribben toegevoegd, en duidelijk is dat de doorbuiging aanzienlijk verbetert.
Aangezien het een integraal proces van ontwerp tot productie is, lijkt het me interessant om dit binnen één software af te handelen. Zo heb ik getracht om het toolpath, nodig om de robot aan te sturen, ook binnen Grasshopper te genereren. Als output geeft dit een reeks met coördinaten en richtingsvectoren.
Na het structureel optimaliseren van het ontwerp en de vertaalstap naar de robot-instructies, kan de productie beginnen. Als laatste aandachtspunt zullen de afzonderlijke elementen moeten geassembleerd worden, zodat zij werkelijk functioneren als één geheel.
Gert-Willem Van Gompel
Master in de ingenieurswetenschappen: architectuur
2024 State of Marketing Report – by HubspotMarius Sescu
https://www.hubspot.com/state-of-marketing
· Scaling relationships and proving ROI
· Social media is the place for search, sales, and service
· Authentic influencer partnerships fuel brand growth
· The strongest connections happen via call, click, chat, and camera.
· Time saved with AI leads to more creative work
· Seeking: A single source of truth
· TLDR; Get on social, try AI, and align your systems.
· More human marketing, powered by robots
ChatGPT is a revolutionary addition to the world since its introduction in 2022. A big shift in the sector of information gathering and processing happened because of this chatbot. What is the story of ChatGPT? How is the bot responding to prompts and generating contents? Swipe through these slides prepared by Expeed Software, a web development company regarding the development and technical intricacies of ChatGPT!
Product Design Trends in 2024 | Teenage EngineeringsPixeldarts
The realm of product design is a constantly changing environment where technology and style intersect. Every year introduces fresh challenges and exciting trends that mold the future of this captivating art form. In this piece, we delve into the significant trends set to influence the look and functionality of product design in the year 2024.
Sinds de komst van de computer zijn de ontwerpmogelijkheden sterk toegenomen. De vertaling van het ontwerp gebeurt echter nog vaak via plannen, die dan op de werf met traditionele bouwmethoden worden uitgevoerd. Al de informatie die digitaal beschikbaar is gaat als het ware verloren bij deze stap. Digitale fabricatie brengt hier verandering in, door een directe verbinding te maken tussen het ontwerp en de productie. Het reëel object is als het ware een exacte kopie van het virtueel model.
SPIF staat voor Single Point Incremental Forming. Door met behulp van een industriële robot het metaal geleidelijk aan in te duwen volgens een bepaalde gereedschapsbaan (toolpath), is er een grote verscheidenheid van geometrie mogelijk. Aangezien er geen mal nodig is voor dit proces, is het ideaal voor prototyping. Ook in architectuur is deze ontwerpvrijheid uiteraard een grote meerwaarde.
Via één of meerdere test cases zou ik de mogelijkheden van deze techniek in een architecturale context willen onderzoeken. Mogelijke toepassingen zijn bijvoorbeeld een zelfdragende gevel of een dakconstructie die door zijn geometrie geen dragende onderstructuur meer nodig heeft. Gebaseerd op een bestaand project van een carport, heb ik als voorbeeld een structuur gemodelleerd en onderworpen aan een bepaalde belasting. In het tweede geval is op dezelfde geometrie een grid van ribben toegevoegd, en duidelijk is dat de doorbuiging aanzienlijk verbetert.
Aangezien het een integraal proces van ontwerp tot productie is, lijkt het me interessant om dit binnen één software af te handelen. Zo heb ik getracht om het toolpath, nodig om de robot aan te sturen, ook binnen Grasshopper te genereren. Als output geeft dit een reeks met coördinaten en richtingsvectoren.
Na het structureel optimaliseren van het ontwerp en de vertaalstap naar de robot-instructies, kan de productie beginnen. Als laatste aandachtspunt zullen de afzonderlijke elementen moeten geassembleerd worden, zodat zij werkelijk functioneren als één geheel.
Gert-Willem Van Gompel
Master in de ingenieurswetenschappen: architectuur
2024 State of Marketing Report – by HubspotMarius Sescu
https://www.hubspot.com/state-of-marketing
· Scaling relationships and proving ROI
· Social media is the place for search, sales, and service
· Authentic influencer partnerships fuel brand growth
· The strongest connections happen via call, click, chat, and camera.
· Time saved with AI leads to more creative work
· Seeking: A single source of truth
· TLDR; Get on social, try AI, and align your systems.
· More human marketing, powered by robots
ChatGPT is a revolutionary addition to the world since its introduction in 2022. A big shift in the sector of information gathering and processing happened because of this chatbot. What is the story of ChatGPT? How is the bot responding to prompts and generating contents? Swipe through these slides prepared by Expeed Software, a web development company regarding the development and technical intricacies of ChatGPT!
Product Design Trends in 2024 | Teenage EngineeringsPixeldarts
The realm of product design is a constantly changing environment where technology and style intersect. Every year introduces fresh challenges and exciting trends that mold the future of this captivating art form. In this piece, we delve into the significant trends set to influence the look and functionality of product design in the year 2024.
How Race, Age and Gender Shape Attitudes Towards Mental HealthThinkNow
Mental health has been in the news quite a bit lately. Dozens of U.S. states are currently suing Meta for contributing to the youth mental health crisis by inserting addictive features into their products, while the U.S. Surgeon General is touring the nation to bring awareness to the growing epidemic of loneliness and isolation. The country has endured periods of low national morale, such as in the 1970s when high inflation and the energy crisis worsened public sentiment following the Vietnam War. The current mood, however, feels different. Gallup recently reported that national mental health is at an all-time low, with few bright spots to lift spirits.
To better understand how Americans are feeling and their attitudes towards mental health in general, ThinkNow conducted a nationally representative quantitative survey of 1,500 respondents and found some interesting differences among ethnic, age and gender groups.
Technology
For example, 52% agree that technology and social media have a negative impact on mental health, but when broken out by race, 61% of Whites felt technology had a negative effect, and only 48% of Hispanics thought it did.
While technology has helped us keep in touch with friends and family in faraway places, it appears to have degraded our ability to connect in person. Staying connected online is a double-edged sword since the same news feed that brings us pictures of the grandkids and fluffy kittens also feeds us news about the wars in Israel and Ukraine, the dysfunction in Washington, the latest mass shooting and the climate crisis.
Hispanics may have a built-in defense against the isolation technology breeds, owing to their large, multigenerational households, strong social support systems, and tendency to use social media to stay connected with relatives abroad.
Age and Gender
When asked how individuals rate their mental health, men rate it higher than women by 11 percentage points, and Baby Boomers rank it highest at 83%, saying it’s good or excellent vs. 57% of Gen Z saying the same.
Gen Z spends the most amount of time on social media, so the notion that social media negatively affects mental health appears to be correlated. Unfortunately, Gen Z is also the generation that’s least comfortable discussing mental health concerns with healthcare professionals. Only 40% of them state they’re comfortable discussing their issues with a professional compared to 60% of Millennials and 65% of Boomers.
Race Affects Attitudes
As seen in previous research conducted by ThinkNow, Asian Americans lag other groups when it comes to awareness of mental health issues. Twenty-four percent of Asian Americans believe that having a mental health issue is a sign of weakness compared to the 16% average for all groups. Asians are also considerably less likely to be aware of mental health services in their communities (42% vs. 55%) and most likely to seek out information on social media (51% vs. 35%).
AI Trends in Creative Operations 2024 by Artwork Flow.pdfmarketingartwork
This article is all about what AI trends will emerge in the field of creative operations in 2024. All the marketers and brand builders should be aware of these trends for their further use and save themselves some time!
A report by thenetworkone and Kurio.
The contributing experts and agencies are (in an alphabetical order): Sylwia Rytel, Social Media Supervisor, 180heartbeats + JUNG v MATT (PL), Sharlene Jenner, Vice President - Director of Engagement Strategy, Abelson Taylor (USA), Alex Casanovas, Digital Director, Atrevia (ES), Dora Beilin, Senior Social Strategist, Barrett Hoffher (USA), Min Seo, Campaign Director, Brand New Agency (KR), Deshé M. Gully, Associate Strategist, Day One Agency (USA), Francesca Trevisan, Strategist, Different (IT), Trevor Crossman, CX and Digital Transformation Director; Olivia Hussey, Strategic Planner; Simi Srinarula, Social Media Manager, The Hallway (AUS), James Hebbert, Managing Director, Hylink (CN / UK), Mundy Álvarez, Planning Director; Pedro Rojas, Social Media Manager; Pancho González, CCO, Inbrax (CH), Oana Oprea, Head of Digital Planning, Jam Session Agency (RO), Amy Bottrill, Social Account Director, Launch (UK), Gaby Arriaga, Founder, Leonardo1452 (MX), Shantesh S Row, Creative Director, Liwa (UAE), Rajesh Mehta, Chief Strategy Officer; Dhruv Gaur, Digital Planning Lead; Leonie Mergulhao, Account Supervisor - Social Media & PR, Medulla (IN), Aurelija Plioplytė, Head of Digital & Social, Not Perfect (LI), Daiana Khaidargaliyeva, Account Manager, Osaka Labs (UK / USA), Stefanie Söhnchen, Vice President Digital, PIABO Communications (DE), Elisabeth Winiartati, Managing Consultant, Head of Global Integrated Communications; Lydia Aprina, Account Manager, Integrated Marketing and Communications; Nita Prabowo, Account Manager, Integrated Marketing and Communications; Okhi, Web Developer, PNTR Group (ID), Kei Obusan, Insights Director; Daffi Ranandi, Insights Manager, Radarr (SG), Gautam Reghunath, Co-founder & CEO, Talented (IN), Donagh Humphreys, Head of Social and Digital Innovation, THINKHOUSE (IRE), Sarah Yim, Strategy Director, Zulu Alpha Kilo (CA).
Trends In Paid Search: Navigating The Digital Landscape In 2024Search Engine Journal
The search marketing landscape is evolving rapidly with new technologies, and professionals, like you, rely on innovative paid search strategies to meet changing demands.
It’s important that you’re ready to implement new strategies in 2024.
Check this out and learn the top trends in paid search advertising that are expected to gain traction, so you can drive higher ROI more efficiently in 2024.
You’ll learn:
- The latest trends in AI and automation, and what this means for an evolving paid search ecosystem.
- New developments in privacy and data regulation.
- Emerging ad formats that are expected to make an impact next year.
Watch Sreekant Lanka from iQuanti and Irina Klein from OneMain Financial as they dive into the future of paid search and explore the trends, strategies, and technologies that will shape the search marketing landscape.
If you’re looking to assess your paid search strategy and design an industry-aligned plan for 2024, then this webinar is for you.
5 Public speaking tips from TED - Visualized summarySpeakerHub
From their humble beginnings in 1984, TED has grown into the world’s most powerful amplifier for speakers and thought-leaders to share their ideas. They have over 2,400 filmed talks (not including the 30,000+ TEDx videos) freely available online, and have hosted over 17,500 events around the world.
With over one billion views in a year, it’s no wonder that so many speakers are looking to TED for ideas on how to share their message more effectively.
The article “5 Public-Speaking Tips TED Gives Its Speakers”, by Carmine Gallo for Forbes, gives speakers five practical ways to connect with their audience, and effectively share their ideas on stage.
Whether you are gearing up to get on a TED stage yourself, or just want to master the skills that so many of their speakers possess, these tips and quotes from Chris Anderson, the TED Talks Curator, will encourage you to make the most impactful impression on your audience.
See the full article and more summaries like this on SpeakerHub here: https://speakerhub.com/blog/5-presentation-tips-ted-gives-its-speakers
See the original article on Forbes here:
http://www.forbes.com/forbes/welcome/?toURL=http://www.forbes.com/sites/carminegallo/2016/05/06/5-public-speaking-tips-ted-gives-its-speakers/&refURL=&referrer=#5c07a8221d9b
ChatGPT and the Future of Work - Clark Boyd Clark Boyd
Everyone is in agreement that ChatGPT (and other generative AI tools) will shape the future of work. Yet there is little consensus on exactly how, when, and to what extent this technology will change our world.
Businesses that extract maximum value from ChatGPT will use it as a collaborative tool for everything from brainstorming to technical maintenance.
For individuals, now is the time to pinpoint the skills the future professional will need to thrive in the AI age.
Check out this presentation to understand what ChatGPT is, how it will shape the future of work, and how you can prepare to take advantage.
A brief introduction to DataScience with explaining of the concepts, algorithms, machine learning, supervised and unsupervised learning, clustering, statistics, data preprocessing, real-world applications etc.
It's part of a Data Science Corner Campaign where I will be discussing the fundamentals of DataScience, AIML, Statistics etc.
Time Management & Productivity - Best PracticesVit Horky
Here's my presentation on by proven best practices how to manage your work time effectively and how to improve your productivity. It includes practical tips and how to use tools such as Slack, Google Apps, Hubspot, Google Calendar, Gmail and others.
The six step guide to practical project managementMindGenius
The six step guide to practical project management
If you think managing projects is too difficult, think again.
We’ve stripped back project management processes to the
basics – to make it quicker and easier, without sacrificing
the vital ingredients for success.
“If you’re looking for some real-world guidance, then The Six Step Guide to Practical Project Management will help.”
Dr Andrew Makar, Tactical Project Management
Unlocking the Power of ChatGPT and AI in Testing - A Real-World Look, present...Applitools
During this webinar, Anand Bagmar demonstrates how AI tools such as ChatGPT can be applied to various stages of the software development life cycle (SDLC) using an eCommerce application case study. Find the on-demand recording and more info at https://applitools.info/b59
Key takeaways:
• Learn how to use ChatGPT to add AI power to your testing and test automation
• Understand the limitations of the technology and where human expertise is crucial
• Gain insight into different AI-based tools
• Adopt AI-based tools to stay relevant and optimize work for developers and testers
* ChatGPT and OpenAI belong to OpenAI, L.L.C.
How Race, Age and Gender Shape Attitudes Towards Mental HealthThinkNow
Mental health has been in the news quite a bit lately. Dozens of U.S. states are currently suing Meta for contributing to the youth mental health crisis by inserting addictive features into their products, while the U.S. Surgeon General is touring the nation to bring awareness to the growing epidemic of loneliness and isolation. The country has endured periods of low national morale, such as in the 1970s when high inflation and the energy crisis worsened public sentiment following the Vietnam War. The current mood, however, feels different. Gallup recently reported that national mental health is at an all-time low, with few bright spots to lift spirits.
To better understand how Americans are feeling and their attitudes towards mental health in general, ThinkNow conducted a nationally representative quantitative survey of 1,500 respondents and found some interesting differences among ethnic, age and gender groups.
Technology
For example, 52% agree that technology and social media have a negative impact on mental health, but when broken out by race, 61% of Whites felt technology had a negative effect, and only 48% of Hispanics thought it did.
While technology has helped us keep in touch with friends and family in faraway places, it appears to have degraded our ability to connect in person. Staying connected online is a double-edged sword since the same news feed that brings us pictures of the grandkids and fluffy kittens also feeds us news about the wars in Israel and Ukraine, the dysfunction in Washington, the latest mass shooting and the climate crisis.
Hispanics may have a built-in defense against the isolation technology breeds, owing to their large, multigenerational households, strong social support systems, and tendency to use social media to stay connected with relatives abroad.
Age and Gender
When asked how individuals rate their mental health, men rate it higher than women by 11 percentage points, and Baby Boomers rank it highest at 83%, saying it’s good or excellent vs. 57% of Gen Z saying the same.
Gen Z spends the most amount of time on social media, so the notion that social media negatively affects mental health appears to be correlated. Unfortunately, Gen Z is also the generation that’s least comfortable discussing mental health concerns with healthcare professionals. Only 40% of them state they’re comfortable discussing their issues with a professional compared to 60% of Millennials and 65% of Boomers.
Race Affects Attitudes
As seen in previous research conducted by ThinkNow, Asian Americans lag other groups when it comes to awareness of mental health issues. Twenty-four percent of Asian Americans believe that having a mental health issue is a sign of weakness compared to the 16% average for all groups. Asians are also considerably less likely to be aware of mental health services in their communities (42% vs. 55%) and most likely to seek out information on social media (51% vs. 35%).
AI Trends in Creative Operations 2024 by Artwork Flow.pdfmarketingartwork
This article is all about what AI trends will emerge in the field of creative operations in 2024. All the marketers and brand builders should be aware of these trends for their further use and save themselves some time!
A report by thenetworkone and Kurio.
The contributing experts and agencies are (in an alphabetical order): Sylwia Rytel, Social Media Supervisor, 180heartbeats + JUNG v MATT (PL), Sharlene Jenner, Vice President - Director of Engagement Strategy, Abelson Taylor (USA), Alex Casanovas, Digital Director, Atrevia (ES), Dora Beilin, Senior Social Strategist, Barrett Hoffher (USA), Min Seo, Campaign Director, Brand New Agency (KR), Deshé M. Gully, Associate Strategist, Day One Agency (USA), Francesca Trevisan, Strategist, Different (IT), Trevor Crossman, CX and Digital Transformation Director; Olivia Hussey, Strategic Planner; Simi Srinarula, Social Media Manager, The Hallway (AUS), James Hebbert, Managing Director, Hylink (CN / UK), Mundy Álvarez, Planning Director; Pedro Rojas, Social Media Manager; Pancho González, CCO, Inbrax (CH), Oana Oprea, Head of Digital Planning, Jam Session Agency (RO), Amy Bottrill, Social Account Director, Launch (UK), Gaby Arriaga, Founder, Leonardo1452 (MX), Shantesh S Row, Creative Director, Liwa (UAE), Rajesh Mehta, Chief Strategy Officer; Dhruv Gaur, Digital Planning Lead; Leonie Mergulhao, Account Supervisor - Social Media & PR, Medulla (IN), Aurelija Plioplytė, Head of Digital & Social, Not Perfect (LI), Daiana Khaidargaliyeva, Account Manager, Osaka Labs (UK / USA), Stefanie Söhnchen, Vice President Digital, PIABO Communications (DE), Elisabeth Winiartati, Managing Consultant, Head of Global Integrated Communications; Lydia Aprina, Account Manager, Integrated Marketing and Communications; Nita Prabowo, Account Manager, Integrated Marketing and Communications; Okhi, Web Developer, PNTR Group (ID), Kei Obusan, Insights Director; Daffi Ranandi, Insights Manager, Radarr (SG), Gautam Reghunath, Co-founder & CEO, Talented (IN), Donagh Humphreys, Head of Social and Digital Innovation, THINKHOUSE (IRE), Sarah Yim, Strategy Director, Zulu Alpha Kilo (CA).
Trends In Paid Search: Navigating The Digital Landscape In 2024Search Engine Journal
The search marketing landscape is evolving rapidly with new technologies, and professionals, like you, rely on innovative paid search strategies to meet changing demands.
It’s important that you’re ready to implement new strategies in 2024.
Check this out and learn the top trends in paid search advertising that are expected to gain traction, so you can drive higher ROI more efficiently in 2024.
You’ll learn:
- The latest trends in AI and automation, and what this means for an evolving paid search ecosystem.
- New developments in privacy and data regulation.
- Emerging ad formats that are expected to make an impact next year.
Watch Sreekant Lanka from iQuanti and Irina Klein from OneMain Financial as they dive into the future of paid search and explore the trends, strategies, and technologies that will shape the search marketing landscape.
If you’re looking to assess your paid search strategy and design an industry-aligned plan for 2024, then this webinar is for you.
5 Public speaking tips from TED - Visualized summarySpeakerHub
From their humble beginnings in 1984, TED has grown into the world’s most powerful amplifier for speakers and thought-leaders to share their ideas. They have over 2,400 filmed talks (not including the 30,000+ TEDx videos) freely available online, and have hosted over 17,500 events around the world.
With over one billion views in a year, it’s no wonder that so many speakers are looking to TED for ideas on how to share their message more effectively.
The article “5 Public-Speaking Tips TED Gives Its Speakers”, by Carmine Gallo for Forbes, gives speakers five practical ways to connect with their audience, and effectively share their ideas on stage.
Whether you are gearing up to get on a TED stage yourself, or just want to master the skills that so many of their speakers possess, these tips and quotes from Chris Anderson, the TED Talks Curator, will encourage you to make the most impactful impression on your audience.
See the full article and more summaries like this on SpeakerHub here: https://speakerhub.com/blog/5-presentation-tips-ted-gives-its-speakers
See the original article on Forbes here:
http://www.forbes.com/forbes/welcome/?toURL=http://www.forbes.com/sites/carminegallo/2016/05/06/5-public-speaking-tips-ted-gives-its-speakers/&refURL=&referrer=#5c07a8221d9b
ChatGPT and the Future of Work - Clark Boyd Clark Boyd
Everyone is in agreement that ChatGPT (and other generative AI tools) will shape the future of work. Yet there is little consensus on exactly how, when, and to what extent this technology will change our world.
Businesses that extract maximum value from ChatGPT will use it as a collaborative tool for everything from brainstorming to technical maintenance.
For individuals, now is the time to pinpoint the skills the future professional will need to thrive in the AI age.
Check out this presentation to understand what ChatGPT is, how it will shape the future of work, and how you can prepare to take advantage.
A brief introduction to DataScience with explaining of the concepts, algorithms, machine learning, supervised and unsupervised learning, clustering, statistics, data preprocessing, real-world applications etc.
It's part of a Data Science Corner Campaign where I will be discussing the fundamentals of DataScience, AIML, Statistics etc.
Time Management & Productivity - Best PracticesVit Horky
Here's my presentation on by proven best practices how to manage your work time effectively and how to improve your productivity. It includes practical tips and how to use tools such as Slack, Google Apps, Hubspot, Google Calendar, Gmail and others.
The six step guide to practical project managementMindGenius
The six step guide to practical project management
If you think managing projects is too difficult, think again.
We’ve stripped back project management processes to the
basics – to make it quicker and easier, without sacrificing
the vital ingredients for success.
“If you’re looking for some real-world guidance, then The Six Step Guide to Practical Project Management will help.”
Dr Andrew Makar, Tactical Project Management
Unlocking the Power of ChatGPT and AI in Testing - A Real-World Look, present...Applitools
During this webinar, Anand Bagmar demonstrates how AI tools such as ChatGPT can be applied to various stages of the software development life cycle (SDLC) using an eCommerce application case study. Find the on-demand recording and more info at https://applitools.info/b59
Key takeaways:
• Learn how to use ChatGPT to add AI power to your testing and test automation
• Understand the limitations of the technology and where human expertise is crucial
• Gain insight into different AI-based tools
• Adopt AI-based tools to stay relevant and optimize work for developers and testers
* ChatGPT and OpenAI belong to OpenAI, L.L.C.
1. Hati-hati di WC Umum,Mohon di perhatikan!
Awal ceritanyagwlagi dudukenbuang airbesar (BAB-)
di WC UmumdisebuahMall.Tiba2dari WC sebelahada
orang yg bertanya: "haloapa kabar bro?".
Sebenarnyagwenggabiasamengobrol di toilet,tapi
akhirnyagw jawabjuga : "kabar baik".
Eh dia bertanyalagi : "lagi apa lo?".Wahpertanyaan
sintinggwrasa.
Gw jawabaja denganagak kesal :"ya ngapainlagilah,
sama pastinyaamayg lo kerjainsekarang!".
Sambil berusahakerasmempercepatBABgw,Eh dia
nanyalagi : "Gw bolehgamaenketempatlo?tapi lo
jangankemana-manayah!".
Wah ini sihudahkelewatan,gwagakjengkel menjawab:
"mau ngapainluketempatgw!!??".
Orang disebelahngejawab:"Gw cuma mausilaturahmi
aja".
Tapi karenakuatirterjadi apa2,gw coba mengakhiri
pembicaraanygmulai ngawurini.Krnitugw jawablagi :
"Engga lah.Sekaranggw masihsibuk!!".
Tak lama,orang yg di Toiletsebelahgwngomonglagi
denganiramayg agak kesal :
"EHH... UDAH DULU YAH, NTAR GW TELPON LO LAGI..!!
DISEBELAH GW ADA ORANGSARAPYANGSELALU
NGEJAWABPERTANYAAN GWBUAT LU !!".
Gw : *nyelemke jamban*
=====================
KENTUT DALAMRAPATGURU SEKOLAH
Ditengahsuasanaseriusdlmrapatsekolah,tiba2adayg kentut.Inilahkomentarsetiapguru...
_Guru Biologi:ini merupakanciri2makhlukhidupdlmmelanjutkanhidupnya
_Guru PKN:Inilahsalahsatuciri khasbangsa kita.Sukamenahandiri sampe akhirnyakebobolan
sendiri...
_Guru Fisika:Inilahinerpower.Tenagaygdipakai tdkterlalubesar,ttpi hasilnyaluar biasa...
_Guru seni:Bunyinyaterletakdi nadaF
_Guru bhs Indonesia:aromanyasulitdiungkapkanlewatkata2...
_Guru agama: Inilahsalahsatuyg membatalkanwudhu
_Guru geografi:Posisi keberadaannyamengikuti arahangin...
_Guru Kimia:H2S yg mengotori Atmosfer
_Guru Ekonomi : Inilahprinsiputamautkhasil besardari pengeluaransekecil2nya
_Guru matematika:Baunyatdkdapat di_kali tapi bisadi-bagi...
_Guru Sosiologi:salahsatuperilakumenyimpangpdsikapseseorang
_Guru Sejarah:ini salahsatu sebabterjadinyaperangdalamsejarahdunia....
2. _Guru olahraga sepakbola: umpansilangpemainmenujudepangawangsehinggamenghasilkan
bunyi tendanganygdahsyat..
KEPALA SEKOLAH: KURANG AJAAAAAARRRRR......
Rapat bubar.....!!!!
=====================
Ada 3 Binatang...
KAMBING.RUSA. BABI.
Ketigabinatangdi atas maumenyeberangisebuahsungai,tapi di dalam
sungai yangmau merekalewati adaseekorbuayayanglagi lapardan siap
menerkamketigahewanitu.tapi ketigahewanitunekadmenyebranjuga.
- Pertamakambingyangnyebrang.danbuayanggak nunggu²lama²langsungdi lahapitukambing.
- Keduarusayang nyebrang.sangbuayajuga langsungmakaniturusa.
- Ketigadanterakhirbabi yangnyeberang.Denganagaksedikittakut,sampai
di tengah²sungai buayacuma melototintubabi.Babi punherandan bertanyapada buaya.
Babi : "KOKAKU NGGAKDIMAKAN...???"*(sambil natapsangbuaya)*
Buaya *(dengansedikittersenyum)*:“SORRY BRO GW MUSLIM...!!!“ *(jawabdengannadasopan)*
====================
Janganngurusinorangkarena belumtentuorangitupengenkurus.
===================
Berhenti jugamenimbailmu,karenailmutidakadadi dalamsumur.
===================
Berhentilahmenuntutilmu,karenailmutidakbersalah.
====================
Dok,tolongselametinanaksaya!||Tenangdulubu!Anak ibukenapa?||Anaksaya ulangtahun
dok!Selametinya...
====================
AbisImlekinilahyangalex pelajari tentangbahasamandarinfunandpasti bisadalam5
menit…tentunyadari bebe!lol
Tidakizin: Lu lan chang
Tidaksetia: Lu she rong
Badan gede : Lu kingkong
Tidaksopan: Lu sinchan
Tidaktau diri : Lu xialan
Yang norak : Wong kamfung
Yang jago : Wong fei hung
Yang suka bbm: Wong san thai
Yang suka ngerjain:Wong ie sheng
Yang banyakduit:Wong ZhuGieh
Yang sedangbaca tulisanini:Wongxinthing?wakakakak
Yang nulistulisanini :Wongkhe ren….
3. Wakakkakak,,,salamdamai!
Ada ygmau nambahin,,,???
====================
IlmuBelaDiri
¤ KlikSukaSebelumTertawa¤
Di sebuahbarseorangpemudaberbadankecil sedangduduksantai.
Seorangpremanlokal mendekatidanlangsungmenendangnyakeras,
"Ciaaaat!!"Pemudakecil jatuhtersungkurdari bangkunya.
Ketikadiabangun,si premanberkatadengansombong,"Itutadi taekwondodari Korea."
Karenatakut,pemudaitutak menanggapi.Dialalukembali dudukke bangkunya.
Namuntidaklamakemudian,premantadi kembalimendekatidanmembantingnya,
"Gubrakkk!"Pemudakecil ituterjerembab.Saatdiabangun,premanberkatalagi,"Itutadi judodari
Jepang."
Pemudakecil itutetaptidakmenanggapi.Perlahan-lahandiakembali duduk.
Tidaklama kemudian,si premanmenonjoknya,"Buggg!"
Pemudakecil kembali jatuh,lalusi premanberkata,"Itutadi boxingdari Amerika".
Pemudakecil menyadari mulutnyamengeluarkandarah.Laludiabangundan tidakkembali ke
bangkunya.Perlahan-lahandiakeluardari bar.
Tidakbeberapalamakemudianpemudakecilitumasukke bardan menghampiri si preman.
Tanpa berkataapa-apalagi dia langsungmemukul si preman,"Bletokkkk!" Si premanlangsungjatuh
pingsan.
Pemudakecil inginmemberi penjelasan,tapi si premantidakjugasiuman.Pemudakecil
menghampiri pemilikbardanberkata,
"Pak,bilapremanini banguntolongberitahubahwayangtadi ituadalahlinggisdari gudang."
======================
Nur : "Ma Ayahkemanaya?"
Ibu: "Adake cingkareng,emangnyaadaapa Nur?(panggilananakitu)"
Nur : "Aduhbukayaknyasaya sudahhamil di luar nikah"
Ibu: (dengansantai membalas)"Ahkamuini ada-adaaja"
Nur : "benarbu suwer...lihat pakaiyansayaudahsempitsepertinyaperutsayaudahmulai besar"
Ibu: "Ah...kebanyakanmakankali kamu..."
Nur : " Benar lohbu...sayatadi muntah-muntabu"
Ibu: "Masuk anginbarangkali Nur...Pergi makansanamamasudahmasakinmakanankesukaanmu"
Nur : "Aduhbunga bisa makansaya kepinginyangasam-asam"
Jengkel juga,!!!!
Ibunyalangsungteriakindia"Nurdindiamkamu!!!!!kamuituBENCONGngaku-ngakuHAMIL"
======================
※ •“CUCU VS NENEK”•※
★ RetweetDuluSebelumBaca ★
4. Nenek:''cu belajarnapa,dari td
mainPS terus''
Cucu : ''alah...ngapainbelajar2
segala''
Nenek:''kamu gak malutah? teman2kamu dapatnilai 9,5 semua,kamudapat nilai 3 sendiri''
Cucu : ''nenekjangansamaindengantemanakudonk,aku aja
gak pernahnyamain2nenek''
Nenek:''emangapa ygperludi
samain?''
Cucu : ''itu temannenekpadameninggal semua,
KENAPA NENEK
GAK MENINGGAL-MENINGGALjuga...??''
Neneklangsungkejang-kejangmasukUGD
======================
Sakingsusahnyacari kerja,seoranglulusan ITBakhirnyamenerimakerjadikebunbinatangbandung,
tiaphari ia memakai kostumgorilla,(tohgaada yang liatkarenapake topeng)…mengunyahkacang
dan pisangterusmenerus….Iaberlompatlompatandansetiaphari denganlincahnya…danjuga
dapat berhitung!!!,semenjakitupengunjungkebunbinatangbertambahbanyakuntukmenyaksikan
gorillayanglincahdanjuga… pintar…(lhawongITB..).
Akhirnyapadasatu hari,tibalahsaatyang naas itu,waktuiamelompatlompat,iatergelincirdan
terjatuhke kolambuaya…
“Matilahaku kali ini”katanyadalamhati,….Iaberusahamemanjatsecepatcepatnyakepinggirkolam,
namunbuaya lebihcepatmendekatdenganmulutmengangalebar….Dangigi gigi yangruncingsiap
merobekrobektubuhnya….Parapengunjungberteriakngeri ketikamoncongbuaya
menyergapnya…Antarasadardanpingsaniamendengarbisikandari dalammulutbuaya…………
“Jangan takutmas, sayadari UI…”….
=====================
Surti datang dari desauntukliburanke Jakarta. KemudianmasukHotel bintang5dan pesan1 kamar
luxuryroom.Laludia diantarRoomBoyyangbertugasmembawakankopernyamenujukamarnya.
Setelahpintutertutup,Surti kagetdanmarah-marahke RoomBoy.
"Heybang!!.Akuemangorang kampungtapi aku gak kampungan,jangandikiraakugak bisabayar
sewakamar hotel mewahini ya.!!Ini bukankamaryangaku pesan...!!!Kamar ini sempit,sumpekga
ada TV, tempattidur, kamarmandi...!!!",kata
6. Wkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkk
========================
Tiga pemudaygmabokberat nyetoptaxi trusnaik.
Sopirtaxi berkatadlmhatinya"dasar pemabok,mendinggue kerjain".
Lalu diastatermobilnyatruslangsungdimatiinsambil berkata"udahnyampe mas".
Pemudaygpertamalangsungmembayar.
Pemudakeduamenyalamisopirsambil bilangterimakasih.
Pemudaketigatiba-tibamenabokkepalasi sopir.
Sopirherandan tanya kenapadiaditabok,laludijawabolehpemudaketiga"lainkali gakusah
ngebutgitumas..santai aja jalannya"=))
Wkwkkwk
=======================
DiSebuahTaman, sepasangkekasihbertemu.SebutSajaNamanya,RickyDan Rina . Ricky
bermaksuduntukMengakhiri hubungannyaDenganRina.
Ricky: sayank,,,akumaukitaputus,
HubungankitasudahTidak bisadilanjutkanlagi .
Rina: Kenapa?Knapa kmutega Mau ninggalinakusndri,Di saat aku sudahsangatMencintaimu..
Ricky: Maafin aku sayank,Memanginilahjalanterbaikuntukkita.
Rina: Semuasudahakuberikanuntukmu,bahkanakusudahterlanjurmengatakan kepadakedua
orang tuakubahwakita akan menikah..
Ricky: sekali lagi ,maafinakusayank.
Rina: Akumau kamuberikanalasanyangjelas,knapakamumau mutusinaku...
Ricky: ( MendekatdanmemengangWajahRina) dan Berkata..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
TAPI RINALDY,,,KITA INICOWOK....
7. ========================
Bejo: Ehh,Din,knapaSihKamuSampai hari ini masihJomblo?
Udin : gue pngensihpunyapacar,pacar yang Setiadanmau menyayangiku,tapi sampai hari ini ,ga
ada yang mau...
(Mewek)
Bejo: TenangDin,gue punyakenalanyangPasbuat Lo .
Udin : ah,sriusLo Jo?
Bejo: Iya Udin..Diatu Sayang Keluarga,sayangTnaman,Sayangama pacarnya ,sayang.....
Udin : Sayangapa Jo ?
Bejo,Sayang,,udahMeninggal ..
Udin :
#guling-gulingDi lantai ..
===========================
sule danandre pergi keapotikinginmembeli obat
Sule:Andre ,kamuajaygmasukmengambil obatakunydiluarajanunggu
Andre:iyaudahdeh,,tapi akujangandi Tinggal ya.
Sule:iya,BuruanSana..nantiKeburuTutup.
Andre:(keluardrapotik) sule,kamutaugkLe,penjagaapotikitugakpake BH?
Sule:ah?seriusLondre?
(Mata Ngiler)
Andre:ya iyalah,MasaBoongan,salahSndri tadi ga ikutan,,,
Sule:Wuih,Tadi di ajakkenalanGa?
Andre:udahDonk,Fotobarengmalah.
*nyengirKuda*
Sule : Wuihh,,enakbner,NamanyaSiapaNdre?
Andre:NamanyaJoko,
8. =======================
anak Ma*Ho
Seoranganak melaporkepadabapaknya.
anak : "Pih..papih....,adayangngatainsaya HOMO di sekolah,pih..."
bapak:"Elo TONJOKajatuh orang, nak!"( bapakhnyalangsungemosi )
anak : "ga bisapih...."
bapak:"knpa ga bisanak????..."
anak : "diagantengbanget,pih..."
=======================
Sule VsGuru
Sule yangdudukdibangkuSDditanyaBu Fanny,Gurunya!!
Bu Fanny: Sulee,ada5 burungyanglagi mencari makan di tianglistrik.Kaloditembakpemburu,
kenasatu tinggal berapa?
Setelahberpikirsejenak,si Sulemenjawab"Gaada sisanyabu"
Bu Fannybertanya"kenapaga ada sisanya?"
Si Sule menjawab"yanglainterbangsemuakarenakaget"
Bu Fannytersenyumbijakdanberkata"yah,sebetulnyabukanitujawabannya.tapi sayasukacara
berpikirkamu"
Si Sule tidakmau kalah"bolehsayayangtanya bu guru?"
Bu Fanny"boleh"Si sule "adatigawanitamakan eskrim, satumakanyadikunyah2,yangsatudigigit2
dan yg terakhirdijilat2.
pertanyaannyawanitamanayangsudahmenikah?"
Tanpa berpikirpanjangBuFannymenjawab"sudahpasti yangmenjilat2eskrimnya"
Si Sule senyum2danberkata"sebetulnyayangsudahmenikahyangmenggunakancincin kawinbu...
tapi saya suka cara berpikiribu"
Hahahahahhaha..
=====================
KetikaSule brupulangnarikbajaj brusampai di pinturumahdiasudah di samperinsamaanaknya
kiki
kiki : bapa,beli'insamsungtabletdong..
9. sule : laahbuat apa'an samsungtablet..Lolgi kagak sakitkan...
kiki : kaga' pa, tpi klobapa kagakbeli'in..kiki bakalansakit..
Karenasule termasukayahyg sangatsayang sama anaknya..Kemudiandiapunmenurutinya
sule : yaaahjangan gtudong .. Okee besokkitabeli yaak emangberapaantuhsamsungtablet???
kiki : sekitar4 juta'anpa...
sule : seettdaahmahal bngetyg tabletyaak..Cobalo tanyayg SIRUP dulusapatau lebihmurahan
dikit...
kiki : (-_-"..hadeeehh
=======================
Bu Guru: udin..manatugasmu kumpulinke depan.
Udin:Waduh ,, maaf saya belumsempatngerjain..
Bu Guru: Ngapainsajakamu?
Udin:Saya sakitBu.
Bu Guru: Trus Ibu musti maafinkamusamblil bilangwow gitu
udin:?!
Bu Guru: Ibuperhatiinkamuakhir-akhirini seringga
ngumpulintugas!
Udin:Bu.. Pliss,janganterlaluperhatiansamasaya,saya
sudahpunyapacar...
Bu Guru: Dasarr...
=======================
Bu Guru: udin,tugaskamu sini bawake depan.
Udin:Ini Bu..*nyodorinpedang*
Bu Guru: Astaganaganteng!Buatapa pedang?Tugasmu
udin,tugas?!
Udin:Iya pedanginilahtugassayaBu! Karenatugas saya
adalahmelindungiIbudari godaancowok-cowoknakal!
Bu Guru: Owhhudin...*gigitinmeja*
======================
Bu Guru: udintugaskamu mana?
Udin:Ketinggalandi rumahBu,lupa..
Bu Guru: Yauda gapapa kalolupa,yangpentingkamuga
pernahlupamencintai Ibukan?Ahahaii...*senyumlebar
sampai ke kuping*
udin:@#$%!~ *jedotinpalake meja**
======================
Bu Guru: Anak-anakadayang tau siapapenemutelepon?
Tira: Emang telepon siapasihyanghilang?
Dika:Laporinke timtermehek-mehekajaBu..
10. Udin:Cuma teleponajadiributin,tinggal beli lagi di konter
ada banyak,yangmerekcina cepekjugaudahdapat.
Bu Guru: @#$%!~
======================
Bu Guru: Kamuini juga ga sopan!Baju dikeluarin,lengan
dilipat-dilipat!Ini sekolahanbukanterminal!
Udin:Ibu jugaga sopan,harusnyaIbupake cadar dong,
biar cantiknyagamemancar kemana-managitu?!Ini sekolahan
Bu, bukanpanggungkontesputri kecantikan!
Bu Guru: -____- *minumairvas
======================
Bu Guru: udin,ayokamu majuke depan.
Udin:Ada apa Bu?
Bu Guru: Enggak ada apa-apasih..
Udin:Trus?
Bu Guru: Ibucuma pengenlihatsenyumkamudari jarakpaling
dekat.
Shinchan:Aihmaaak...*pose covermajalah**senyumlebar*
tira : *cemburu*Tuhaan kirimkanlahakusebotol baygon..
*ke kantin*
*ngutang obatnyamuk*
=========================
udin:Ituobat nyamukga jadi diminum?
Tira: Enggak..
Udin:Mubazir lhoudah dibeli juga.Katanyamaubunuh
diri?
Tira: Akutadi berangkat sekolahlupasarapan.
Udin:Emang ngaruh?
Tira: Ya ngaruhlah!Kata Bu Guru,jangan minumobat
sebelummakan!
Udin:*hening*
========================
Suatuhari, Beduberpapasandenganseoranggembaladengankambingnya.DanBedupunbertanya
dengantakjub
Bedul:Pak,bolehnanyanih?
Gembala:Boleh
Bedul:Kambing-kambingbapaksehatsekali,bapakkasihmakanapa?
Gembala: yang manadulunih?yang hitamatau yangputih?
Bedul:mmmmYang hitamduludeh.
Gembala: oh,kalo yanghitam,diamakannyarumputgajah
Bedul:ohhkaloyangputih?
11. Gembala: yang putihjuga
Bedul:hmmmkambing- kambingini,kuatjalanberapakilopak?
Gembala: yang manadulunih?yang hitamatau yangputih?
Bedul:mmmmYang hitamduludeh.
Gembala: oh,kalo yanghitam,4 kmsehari
Bedul:kaloyangputih?
Gembala: yang putihjuga
Si Bedul mulai gondok.:kambingini,menghasilkanbanyakbulunggapak,pertahunnya?
Gembala: yang manadulunih?yang hitamatau yangputih?
Bedul:(dengankesalnya) yanghitamduludeh
Gembala: oh,yang hitam,banyak10 kg/th
Bedul:kaloyangputih?
Gembala: yang putihjuga
Bedul:BAPAKKENAPA SIHSELALUNGEBEDAIN KAMBING DUA INI,KALOJAWABANNYA SAMA??????
Gembala: oh,gini dik,soalnyayanghitamitu,punyasaya.
Bedul:Ohgitupak, maaf kalosaya emosi ,kaloyang putih?
Gembala: yang putihjuga
Bedul SALTOdi rerumputan!!!!wakakkakaka
=======================
Zuck: *malam2* *pulangberburu*
Linn:"Kamudari mana aja sih?Diteleponga
diangkatsmsga dibales?!!"
Zuck: "Maap beb,aku tadi ke hutan nembak
babi..."
Linn:"Owhgitu?Dasar buayapanuan!Belum
cukupMas udahpunya aku?!Masih ajanembak
yang lain?!"
Zuck: "Errrghh...!"*nyakar2 mukasendiri*
Linn:"Trus diterimaga?"
Zuck: "??"
Linn:"Yaudah,aku do'ainlanggengdeh
hubunganmusamababi..
Zuck: "BUNUH AJA SEKALIAN AKUBEB!" *ngasih
bamburuncing*
====================
Kisah2 org pemudabarupertamakali punyaHP, Aloy& Acongbaru sajamerasakanpunya
HPseumurhidupnya.
ALOY : Cong,ngapainmeganginpagarrumah aja?
ACONG: Iya nichloy,aq mau ngisi pulsa...
12. ALOY : Trus, apa hubungannyangisi pulsasamamegangpagarrumah?Telponajaoperatornya
pasti beres.
ACONG: Itu diamasalhnya, operatorbilangsuruh"tekanpagar",tpudahd tekanbeberapakali
masihga masukpulsanya,jempol aqampe lecetnich.
ALOY : Ini sich belumseberapacong,gue lebihparahlagi dikerjainoperator.
ACONG: Emang knpa ?
ALOY : Lo masihmendingdisuruh"mencetpagar",lahgue disuruh"mencetbintang",emanggue
gathot kaca yg bisaterbangke langitsono.Udah gilatuch operatornya.
====================
"MURID dan GURU"
Bu guru: “Andi..!cobakamujawab,siapaituThomas AlfaEdison..?”
Andi:“Tidaktau bu guru…”.
Bu guru: “KaloJamesWatt, siapadia..?”
Andi:“Ndaktau jugabu guru..”
Bu guru: “Andi!Bagaimanasihkamuini?ditanyaini itupasti jawabtidaktau… Tidakpernahbelajar
ya?”
Andi:“Belajarkokbuguru… Lah coba Andi tanya,buguru tau ndaksiapa ArifinWidodo..?”
Bu guru: “Tidaktau…”
Andi:“KalauBambangSetionoIbutau?”
Bu guru: “Tidaktau… Emang siapamerekaitu..?”
Andi:“Yaa itulahBu…,kita khanpasti punyakenalansendiri-sendiri..”
Bu Guru: #NaboksiAndi
===================
"NAKSIRBU GURU"
Bu Guru: "Baik,sebelumpulangadayangmaubertanya?"
Bejo:"SayaBu!"
Bu Guru: "Iya,apa pertanyaannya?"
Bejo:"Maukah Ibujadi pacarku?"
Bu Guru: "Orang kayakkamu maujadi pacar Ibu?Huek!Ga pentes!"
Bejo:"Trus orang gantengkayaksayaini pantesnyajadi pacar siapadongBu?"
Bu Guru: "Kamuini bandel sekali!Sekolahituyangbener.Belajar denganserius.Punyacita-citaga
sihkamu?"
13. Bejo:"PunyadongBu.."
Bu Guru: "Apacita-citamu?"
Bejo:"Dulucita-citasayainginjadi pilot,tapi semenjakmasuksekolahdanketemuIbu,cita-citasaya
berubahinginmembahagiakanIbu..
Bu Guru: "Bejo..!!KamukalomasihsukagodainIbu,Ibuakan panggil kepalasekolah!"
Bejo:"Dihjangandong Bu,panggil Mas aja biar lebihmesra..
Bu Guru: #*&^%$]/@
#Lemparsepatu
==================
Susahmencari pasangandong pastinya,karenabanyakpilihanatausedang sibukmemilih..???Ga'
perlucari pasangandi Mall,pasar atau pusat perbelanjaanyglain,,gusahjugacari disekolah,
kampusatau dikantor,jikalauniatnyauntuksenang"dangserius.
Kalaubolehane saraninmendingcari pasanganituyg bekerjadi SPBU-SPBU,pastinyaygmasih
Jomblojugadong..Cozmerekalahpasanganygcocok untukpara Jomblowan&Jomblowati jaman
sekrangyg butuhkesabarandalammenjalani suatuhubungan,Sebabsetiapadagesekandan
masalahmerekaakanselalubilang
"KITA MULAI DARI NOL YA...???!!!"
===================
Setelahmengalami pertengkaranyangcukuphebat,Memetpunneleponceweknya,Si Maya,
keesokanhari.....Beginipembicaraannya.......
Memet: Halo....
Maya : Ngapainlagi kamuneleponaku??Kamutuh udahnyakitinaku,taugak....
Memet: Pliss.....kasihakukesempatanngomong1menitaja.....
Maya : Kamumau ngomongapa lagi ???
Memet: Aku.....cuma....................
Maya : Cumaapa ?? Aku gak maulagi dengerpenjelasankamu.......Udahjelas-jelaskamutuh
selingkuhsamatemendeketaku.Kamutuhudahboonginakuselamaini.......Udahdeh....,gakperlu
penjelasanlagi......Kamuudahnyakitinperasaanaku....Kamutegabangetngelakuinini samaaku....
Akugak mau dengerapa-apalagi dari kamu......Pokoknyakitaputuusss.....( bla.....bla.....bla.....masih
panjangdehkayaknya.....)
Memet: Aku.......cuma.......mobilang.....
14. Maya : Mo bilangapa ???
Memet: Aku cuma maubilang,akubisadapat gratisneleponselama1jamkalauudah nelepon
selama1 menit.Ehh,ini udahlebihsemenit.....udahduluya....AkumauneleponSusan,Indri,Dewi
sama temenkamuitu,si Tuti....Thanksya.......Bubyeeeee.......(sambil nutuptelepon).
Maya : Memet....met.....Yahhkokditutup....Gue kanmasihsayangbangettsamakamu...
====================
"GURU Vs Murid"
Guru: Anak-anak,sekarang
kita
mulai pelajarantanya
jawab..
.
Murid: Baiklahbapak-
bapak..
.
Guru: Pertanyaanpertama,
ikan
paus bernafasdengan?
.
Murid: Ikanpaus bernafas
dengan
paru-paru..
.
Guru: Salah!!,,ikanpaus
bernafas
denganseizinTuhan
Yang Maha Esa..,
HAHAHAHA..!!
.
Murid: (#kaget!!,#ada yg
bengeknyalangsung
kumat)
Guru: Pertanyaankedua,
lanjutkan
peribahasaberikut:"Air
beriaktanda....."
.
Murid: Airberiaktandatak
dalam.
Guru: Salah!!, Air
beriaktandaada yang
sedang
15. berak..,HAHAHAHA..!!
.
Murid: (#mulai kesal,#ada
yg gigit
meja..)
.
Guru: Pertanyaanterakhir,
kalau
masihsalahsaya gak
akan jadi gurukalian,mau
baliklagi
jadi pawangsinga..!!"
Bumi berputarpada
porosnya,
manusiaberputarpada.??
.
Murid:
(#bingung..,#pertanyaan
macam apa ini??),
Manusiaberputar
bertumpupada
kakinya.
.
Guru: Salah!!, Bumi
berputarpada
porosnya,manusia
berputarpada pusing
semua..,
HAHAHAHAHA..!!
.
Murid: (#kelaslangsung
bubar,
#bangkubeterbangan,
#pak guru perludiruqiyah..
=======================
Inspirasi dari NormanKamaruWannabe waktujadi polisi
Ceritaini terjadi saatseleksi calonanggotapolisi.Paidjoyangngebetbangetinginjadi polisi ikut
daftar dalamseleksi
Paidjo:Saya inginmendaftarmenjadi polsi Pak
Polisi :Iyasilahkanduduk.Baikpendidikanterakhirkamuapa
Paidjo:SMP ,
16. Polisi :KalauberatBadan ?
Paidjo:90 Kg,
Polisi :Tinggi ?
Paidjo:159 cm pak !
Polisi :Kamupunyapenyakitbawaan?
Paidjo;Saya sakitparu paru sejakkecil pak
Polisi :Wah maaf,Adiktidakmemenuhisemuakriteria!!
Paidjo:Tapi pak..
Polisi :Tapi apa ???
Paidjo:Saya hafal lagu2 india….
Polisi :(nelenupil)
===================
ISTRI DAN SELINGKUHAN
ISTERI ituibarat TV,dan,,,
SELINGKUHAN ituibarat HP...
Di rumahnontonTV, jalan2bawa HP...
Tdk ada uang,nontonTV...
Banyakuang cari HP baru...
TV gak butuhpengeluaran...
Tp HP klogak diisi pulsayagak bisadipake.:D
TV bentuknyabesar,gendutdantuadikit...(anggepajatipi jadul hahayyy)
Tapi HP biasanyaimut,desainbagusdanenakdibawake mana2
Biayaoperasional TV murah...
Tapi HP mahal banget,,
TV gak bisadisembunyikan...
HP kan bisa...
Acara TV bisabosan...
Tapi HP gak kan...
NontonTV biasanyadari satusisi...
Tapi hpbisadibolak-balik360 derajat,,,
Tapi awasssss....!!!!!!!
HP janganditarodi dekatTV
Radiasi tinggi bro....!!!!???
betul tidak....????
17. Moga padasetiaya sob...hehe...
======================
BBMan Pake Kalkulator
Suatuketikaada om2 usia50an yg puberkeduatruskenalansamaABG dan selanjutnya
merekatukeranpinBBdeh..malamnyamerekasalingBBMan..danbegini isinya
Om : "Lg apa sayang?"
ABG : "l461 54nt41 4j4 n1h.Om l491 4p4"
Om : "kamunulisapa sayang???"
ABG : "Om, 4q 54y4n9 5k4l1 54m4 Om ..."
Om : "BB kamu rusakya?!?"
ABG : "94k...3m4n6 k3n4p4..??"
Om senang: "kamuBBMan pake Blackberryapakalkulatorsih???.."
*delconlangsung
=====================
Dosenvs Mahasiswa
(Gak Baca,RUGI deh)
Di sebuahkelasadadosenyangbertanyake mahasiswanya.
D : Apaada yang pernahlihattuhan?
M : (diamsemua)
D : Apaada yang pernahmendengarsuaratuhan?
M : (diamsemua)
D : Apaada yang pernahmenyentuhtuhan?
M : (diamsemua)
D : Kesimpulannyaberarti tuhanitutidakada.
(dosenpungembira)
Tiba"ada mahasiswayangtidakterimadanmembalasnya.
M : Apa ada yangpernahlihatotaknyadosen?
(diamsemua)
M : Apa ada yangpernahmendengarsuaraotaknyadosen!
(diamsemua)
M : Apa ada yangpernahmenyentuhotaknyadosen?
(diamsemua)
18. M : Kesimpulannyaberarti dosentidakpunyaotak.
Semuamahasiswapunbersorakgembira...
====================
KuliahMintaDibeliinMobil
Ada anakdr Sipiongotkuliahdi ITB,suatusaat diangirimsmske bapaknyadikampungMedan:
"Pak,semuakawan-kawankuke kampusnaikKijang,Kuda,Phanter,JaguardanTiger,kirimlahdulu
uang biarku beli macamgitu,kepinginnyaakuPak.."
Balasbapaknya: "Kekmanalah kubikinnak,gakadauang bapak untukbeli macamgitu,kalaugak
gini ajalah,Kebetulanbapakkanbarubeli babi dikampung,naikbabi ajalahkauke ke kampusya
nak..."
===================
NgapaLoe Pake Nampar-NamparGwSegala?
Onyodmasukke sebuahapotekdanbertanyakepadapegawai apotek:"Mas,ada obat yangbisa
ngilangincegukandengancepatkaga...?"
Tiba-tibasi apotekerlangsungmenamparpipi Onyod:"Plakkk...!"
"Ngapalu pake nampar-nampargwsegala,emangapasalah gw...?"tanyaOnyod,sambil menarik
kerahbajusang pegawai apotek.
"Maaf Mas Onyod,itusalah-satumetode mengatasi cegukansecaracepat.Perhatikan,sekarang
anda sudahtidakcegukanlagi kan...?"katasang pegawai apoteksambil berusahamenurunkan
tangan Onyodyangmasihnyengkeremkerahbajunya.
"Yang cegukanitubukangw, tapi bini gwtau! Dasar goblooogsiamaneh...!"TeriakOnyodesmosi
=====================
Emang rejeki ini sudahadayangmengatur.Siapasangkaorang yang tadinyamiskintinggal dijalanan,
gak punyatempattinggal tapi ternyataadalahseoranganak pengusahakayadandia mempunyai
warisanyangsangat berlimpah.
Begitujugayang dirasakanOnom,.Dianggaktau sama sekali bahwabapaknyaadalahseorang
pengusahakayayangtelahmenyiapkanwarisanuntuknya.
Bapak Onom: Nakk,,kamutaukanumur bapak sudahgak panjanglagi?Kamutaukankalobapak
sudahdivonisolehdokterbisahidupkira-kirahanya3 bulanlagi??Bapakudah siapkanwarisanbuat
kamuitu,tp bapak belumbisabilangapawarisannya,nanti biarkamulihatsendiri ya,,!
Onom: Bapak!! Janganngomonggitu,!!Apaartinyasebuahwarisankalotanpaada orang yang kita
sayangdi sampingkita??Udahyang palingpentingsekarangtuhbapaksehatduluaja!!(Dalemhati
Onom,YES gua dapetwarisancihuyykayadeh~)
Ternyata,Umur bapak OnomsudahlewatdanOnomsedangmenghadiri pemakamanbapaknyaitu.
Pas sudahselesai acarapemakaman,Onomdi beri sebuahkotakyangbertuliskan"KOTAKWARISAN
& SURAT WASIAT".
Onombahagiabukanmain,akhrinyadialangsungpulangdanmembukakotakitu.
Onom: Wuidihada surat nihtulisannye ape yee,(bacaisinya)
" Dear OnomBapak meninggalkankamudenganhartayangtidakbegitubanyak.MaafkanBapakya
kalaumisalnyahartaini tak bisamencukupi kebutuhanmu.Bapaktelahmenyiapkan1kandang
ternakyang isinyaituada30 Ekor Sapi 50 Ekor Kambing,100 Ekor Ayamdan 10 Ekor kudaserta
ladangyang bisakamutumbuhi denganbuah-buahandansayur-sayuran.Semuanyaituterdapat
dalamsatu game HarvestMoon dan memorycard-nyaudahada didalamkotakini.Semogakamu
19. bahagia"
Onom: @#$%^&*(#$%^&
=====================
pembeli:bangescendol-nyasatubang...
Penjual:iyabentar
*sambil asikmaeninhp
pembeli:heehbangcendol-nyasatu
penjual:iyabentar!!!Lo gak liatapa gue lagi update status!!!
Pembeli:wooybang,logaktau' apa klo pembeliituadalahRAJA
penjual:wooytolol !!!Siapaygbilangklopembeli ituraja..
Mana ada raja yg beli cendol :D
pembeli:(-___-"...Kamfreeettt
====================
"Di RestoranJepang"
BuyungmasukkedalamRestoranJepang,kemudiandilayani samapelayannyaygjugaorgJepangyg
tentusajabisa berbahasaIndonesia.
Part 1
Pelayan> “mau pesanapamas?“
Buyung> “pesangue rajin2lah belajarbiartercapai cita2 lokelak:)“
Pelayan> “huft..!!“
*gigitsendok*
Part 2
Buyungkeluarkemudianmasuklagi..
Pelayan> “mau apa lagi?“
Buyung> “gue hanyamau lo bener2menjalankanpesangue tadi agarrajin2 belajarbiartercapai
cita2 lo kelak:)“
Pelayan> “kampret..!!“
*ngunyahpanci*
Part 3
Buyungkeluartapi kemudianmasuklagi..
Pelayan> “jgnmain2 mas,disini tempatnyamakan..:(“
Buyung> “oh maaf,gue jugamau makan..“
Pelayan> “nah gitudong,mau makanpakai apa?“
Buyung> “pakai Rendangaja..:)“
Pelayan> “ini RestoranJepangmasbukanRM Padang.kalauSushi (benergagini tulisannya?:p)
ada..!!“silahkankeluar..!!“
Buyungpunkeluarkemudianmasuklagi..
Buyung> “maaf..Diluarjugaga ada sushi..“
Pelayan> “arrrrrg maksudgue,ygjual rendangitudi RM Padang..:(..!!“
*makan taplak*
20. Part 4
Buyungpunkeluarkemudianmasuklagi..
Pelayan> “lolagi lo lagi..Gue udahbilangindisini gaadarendang..!!
Buyung> “maaf..,gue ga nanyarendang..“
Pelayan> “oh maaf..Mau apa?“
Buyung> “sushi nyaada?“
Pelayan> “ada dong..:)“
Buyung> “panggilinsushi nyadong,gue maubicarabentar..“
Pelayan> “arrrrrg :(“
*muntahsushi*
Part 5
Buyungpunkeluardan kemudianmasuklagi :)
Pelayan> “ehstop..!!Janganbecandalagi..!!
Buyung> “gue mau sushi satuporsi :)“
Pelayan> “oke..Dari tadi kek..:)“
Buyung> “tapi kasihdedakrendangdikitya..:)“
Pelayan> “hah..!!“
*kejang-kejang*
Part 6
Buyungpunkeluar,tapi pelayanRestoranJepangjadi stres.AkhirnyaPelayanRestoranJepangpergi
ke RM Padangkemudiandiamembeli rendangsatuporsi.Buyungpunmasuklagi utkygkesekian
kalinyake RestoranJepang.Danbaru sajaBuyungdidepanpintu,Buyunglangsungdisapasama
pelayanRestoranJepangdgnramah.
Pelayan> “silahkanmasuk&dudukmas..Skrg udahada Rendang:)“
Buyung> “maaf..Gue kesini cumanmaupinjemkorekapi buatnyalainrokok,barusangue udah
makanrendangdi RM Padang..Adakorekapi ga??“
Pelayan> “ampuuuuun..Mimpi apague semalam..Arrrrrg:(#%&@»..!!
*tutup Restoran*
*bungkuspakaian*
*pulangkampungnolonginUltramanmembunuhmoster*
====================
Dengarinsayanyanyi dulupak...
Di suatusekolahdasardikampungdiadakanlombamenyanyikanlaguHari Kemerdekaan.Ada10
anak yangmengikuti lombatersebut,tibagiliranpesertake 3 yang bernamajono,anakkecil ini naek
kepanggungdenganbersemangatlalumulai menyanyi denganlantang:
Jono:"Enam belasAgustustahunempatlima".
Pak guru: "Jono,salahitunyanyinya...Ulangi!"
Jonomulai lagi:"EnambelasAgustustahunempatlima"
Pak guru: "Masihsalah... Ini kesempatanterakhir".
Jono:"Saya nggaksalahpak, dengarinsayanyanyi dulupak..."
Akhirnyapakguru diamdanseriusmendengarkan,