1. Great Relationships Don’t Just Happen
By Mary Comm
Relationships are complicated. Everyonehas baggage. Everyonehas idiosyncrasies.
Everyonehas expectations. So how in the world are wesupposed to have good relationships?
Great relationships don’t just happen. They take effort. Below is a list of several things to
consider when building or looking forthose relationships that willenhance your life.
1. Knowwhat youwant/needin a relationship. Thefirst and most important way to
build good relationships is to know what it is youwant/need in a relationship and look
for that in the people around you. If you are a Christian and you are looking for a friend,
mentor, spouse, community group, or other close relationship, lookfor someone for
whom being a Christian is also important. Build your inner circlewith people who are
like-minded and whowill be iron sharpening iron in your life. (Proverbs27:17)
2. Knowyourstrengthsand weaknesses. If youtend to fall forthe handsome bad boy
and that has backfiredrepeatedly in yourpast, avoid that type going forward. If you
tend to fallin love tooquickly,determine to go slow this time. Or if youtend to go along
with the crowd,make sure the crowdyou become a part of has the same standards
when it comes to faith and morality.
3. Knowwhat youwant: the specifics.Make a list of the characteristics youare looking
for in that relationship, be it a friendship, mentor, or spouse. List three to fivetop
attributes that are most important to you. Set yourpriorities and stick to them.
4. Knowwhat youdon’t want. Also write out yournon-negotiables. What are you not
willing to deal with in this particular relationship? (Be realistic!) Jotthose things down
and keep the list where you can review it often.
5. Acceptthat no one isperfect. Go into this process with a grace mindset. As stated at
the beginning of this article, everyone has baggage. No one is perfect. Offerthe same
grace you wouldwant for your imperfections. Just make sure the imperfections you see
don’t violateyour non-negotiables.
6. Put yourselfoutthere. Go to the places the people on your list are likely to hang out.
Again, if youare a Christian, get involved at church or join a small group affiliated with
your church. Be aware that not all churchgroups are the same; some are more focused
on growing closer to Christ, others are more focused on being social and having fun.
Lookfor the group that most closely fits your needs and begin building relationships
there. Don’t get discouraged; you may have to search for a while before you find or click
with the right group for you.
7. Be yourself. As youbegin to put yourself out there, do so in a way that is sincere and
authentic. Don’t try to be whatthis person or that group wants you to be. Be true to
whoyou are. Only then will youattract people that appreciate youfor whoyou are.
8. Be a friend. When looking fora friend or significant other, don’t simply look for the
person whowill meet yourneeds. Go into that relationship witha reciprocalmindset.
Reciprocity is when both people in the relationship are giving of themselves to the other
person. It is one of the key things that builds solid relationships and keeps them strong.

2. 9. Be patient. Great relationships take time. Just like flowersin a garden need good soil,
water, fertilizer, and sunshine, relationships need time and tending. Keep your
expectations in checkand be patient. Relax into yournew relationships and look for
opportunities to go deeper with people.
10. Pray. Above all else, pray before, during, and after youtake these steps. Seek God’s will
in all things, but especially in relationships. He knows what youneed before youask.
He understands your needs and desires, and He understands youbetter than anyone!
Trust Him to order your steps and to keep you mindful of dangers along the way as you
seek to keep Him in the forefront of your search.
God has great things in store foryou, but first and foremost you have to know Him, obey
Him, and surrender to Him. Youcan trust Him. He’s got you,and He’s got your future!
Make today great!
CopyrightMaryComm2015. All rights reserved.
[Posted to blog: 6/10/15]