The communication patterns in the Leo family were dysfunctional and often abusive. Communication between the daughter and her mother involved a lot of guilt manipulation. Conflict between the mother and daughter was overt and hurtful. Communication between the daughter and her father was confusing due to past abuse. Alcoholism impacted family communication, especially on Fridays when the father would drink. Communication between siblings broke down over time. The brother is now in jail with only letter communication. Both the father and mother struggle to communicate effectively with the brother. The parents argued constantly during the daughter's childhood without knowing how to communicate productively. The family communication was generally non-productive and involved both covert and overt conflict and abuse. The daughter is determined to teach her own children

1. Family Collage
The Communication Patterns of the Leo Family
Stephanie Leo Grimason
Communication in the Family
April 10, 2011

2. Daughter to Mother
Communication with my mother is full of guilt. It has always been her way of
having some form of control over me. Whether I am expressing a concern
or sharing good news, she always reminds me of the tough spot that she is in.
When I was younger, she would make me feel guilty for doing well in school or
being involved in something that did not include the rest of the family. As I have
gotten older, I have had to learn that her comments are a representation of how
she is feeling and not of myself or how I should feel.

3. Destructive Conflict
Growing up there was a lot of conflict within my family. My mother and I
had overt conflict. Her comments came fast, furious and hard. There
were many times that I did not know what I had done to cause such
conflict. Now that I am older, the conflict between us is much more
covert. Guilt and avoidance have replaced the cruel words and instead
of communicating, my mother will now avoid contacting me if she is upset
about something.

4. Daughter to Father
Communication with my father has become very confusing. Due to a
childhood filled with violence, abuse and yelling, I spent many years estranged
from my father. After having my own children, I realized that it was easier to
be okay with him rather than spend the rest of my life hating him. I am
still confused by our conversations and a little timid each time that we talk.

5. Communication and
Specific Crises
Alcoholism runs in my family and unfortunately something that my dad has. It
affected our family and the way that we communicated with each other. Every
Friday, it was understood that my dad would be drunk and the rest of us
changed how we approached him. There was no talk of anything serious,
in fact we tried to keep the mood light so that we did not anger him.

6. Sister to Brother
Growing up, my younger brother and I were very close. In recent years
our communication is tense and limited. I have become fed up with trying to
have meaningful conversations with him and this has resulted in us now
having no communication.

7. Family Stages and Life
Course
My younger brother is in jail. The only communication that he has with me
has been through letters that he has written. I no longer communicate
with him after too many times of him returning to jail after being out for
about a week each time. I have a need to protect my family and feel that
I am putting them in danger by having my brother in my and their lifes. He
has stopped writing and I have no plans of communicating with him until he
gets his life back in order.

8. Father and Brother
When it comes to my father and brother’s communication, there is a lot
of frustration. My father feels as if he is a broken record and that my brother
does not care about what he is saying. My brother feels frustration that my
father is trying to give him advice when he has not been there for him in the
past. They no longer have a good relationship and it is due to so much trouble
in their communication with each other.

9. Mother and Brother
Communication between my mother and my brother is also very strained.
My mother feels responsible for the way that my brother’s life has ended up
and so she is constantly trying to help him and be there for him. He feels like
she is telling him what to do and has stopped listening.

10. Mother and Father
My childhood with my parents was filled with arguing constantly. Looking
back, I have realized that my parents did not know how to communicate
effectively with each other. To get a point across to one another, they yelled
because that was the only way that they thought the other person would
really hear them.

11. Communication and Family
Conflict
The communication within my family of origin was abusive
and very non-productive. The conflict was both covert and
overt. My parents would poke fun at my brother and I at
our expense, which was very hurtful. The overt conflict was
even worse though, because it usually led to abuse, both
physically and mentally. Not a day went by when there
was not conflict within our home which made for a tough time.
I am very lucky to have my husband who was able to
help teach me how to communicate effectively. It I started
to yell, he would walk away letting me know that we were
not going to have any disrespect or abusive behavior in our
relationship. It has taken many years to relearn how a
mature, loving relationship is supposed to be, but it is well
worth it. I am very determined that my children will grow
up learning how important it is to communicate well with
each other.