1. 42 | Divorce & money
Watch Out for Sore Spots
You probably already know which financial issues are likely to get you
upset. All couples have sore spots—resentments about an unpaid bill,
spending sprees, bounced checks, interfering in-laws, loans to rela­tives,
or gifts to a lover.
If you know that you will be dealing with an issue that’s been a
particular long-term irritation, prepare yourself for it instead of merely
reacting to the inevitable pressure. Get a good night’s sleep before
tackling such a problem, or postpone a con­frontation
until you feel
strong enough to be at your best. Taking these basic steps can go a long
way toward reducing the tension in your life. Remember, reducing stress
means increasing your ability to make sound financial decisions.
Be Prepared for the Worst
Some emotional problems of divorce offer no easy solutions—when people
are under stress, they tend to revert to their base, survival behaviors. This
can lead to excessive drinking, shouting matches, and other bad scenes.
If someone tends to be absent-minded, selfish, or controlling, those
tendencies will be exaggerated when a marriage is ending.
During divorce, couples are facing the psy­chological
task of
separating, and consciously or unconsciously look for ways to break
their connec­tions
to each other. During courtship, partners do every­thing
possible to build the relationship, while in divorce, energy goes
into destroying it. Amplified by stress, these destructive impulses create
many of the horror stories of divorce. The sweet irrational gestures of
romance are reversed by the equally ridiculous acts of “vengeance”
during separation.
Even if you believe that you and your spouse are capable of
proceeding with a “civilized” divorce, it helps to prepare for the
worst-case scenarios. Remember, survival instincts can also stimulate
awareness, which is something you’ll need when it comes time to think
about money.