Destressing Pres2 Pdf

De-Stressing
Your Job Search

Presented 8/26/09 De-Stressing - © Dotty Posto 1

What We’ll Share Today
■  A bit on the physiology behind stress

■  What ‘causes’ stress

■  A new way of looking at the situation…

■  Tools & techniques


The Learning Grid
1 2

Unconscious Conscious
Incompetence Incompetence

4 3

Unconscious Conscious
Competence Competence


Physiology of Stress
■  What would happen if…
■  You were at the zoo and an escaped lion charged
you?
■  You were in the road and an out of control driver
came up on the sidewalk toward you?


Physiology of Stress
■  What happens when:
■  You have to fill out an online application that takes
you 5 hours?
■  You get stuck in traffic on the way to an interview?
■  You get a rejection letter after several interviews you
felt went extremely well?


JobCamp 8/26/09
Presented2 - 7/9/09 De-Stressing - © Dotty Posto Adapted from Roberta Colasanti 6

Central Nervous System
Threat Thrive/Secure
(Sympathetic NS) (Parasympathetic NS)
“Excited mobilization” “Homeostasis”
■  Fight, Flight or Freeze ■  Bio-rhythm stability
cardiovascular activity ■  Circadian
respiration ■  Infradian

neurohormones: ■  Ultradian

i.e. CORTISOL Endorphins
immunity Repair and restoration
digestion
restoration/sleep cycle
Maintains survival of the organism Adapted from Roberta Colasanti


Brain’s
Safety is the ^Goal
■  Our brain reacts to keep us safe

■  We need to let our brain know what we’re doing to
keep us safe, so the Central Nervous System
doesn’t go into over-drive


Introductions &
What in your job search do
you stress about?
Notice – I did not say – what in your job
search stresses you out…

Let’s talk about that next


What’s Your Search Like?
■  More secure or more threat?

■  More sleep or less sleep?

■  More relaxed or more tense?

■  What have you done so far to reduce the stress in
your job search?


What’s the action/reaction?

Self X

Adapted from Roberta Colasanti


All We Ever Get to See…
is our self…

Nationality
Gender
Family of Origin
Siblings
Area of the Country
X
Our History

Adapted from Roberta Colasanti


Practical Tools for
De-Stressing


Tools For De-Stressing
■  Having a plan, working the plan

■  Mindfulness

■  Journaling

■  Understanding how we use language

■  Cultivating Positive Emotions

■  Understanding yourself better


Having and Working a Plan


Having & Working a Plan
■  Amount of time you want to spend:
■  Reading: keep up on your industry, field
■  Networking: email; phone; in-person
■  Email: checking & sending
■  Social networking sites: LinkedIn; Twitter; Industry; Facebook
■  Searching job boards: Leverage RSS and aggregator sites
■  Applying for roles

■  Work your plan

■  Track your progress (11th commandment – thou shalt not kid thyself)

■  Don’t beat yourself up if you get off track


Mindfulness


Where are You in Stress?
■  Past? Present? Future?

■  How common are thoughts like…
■  I shouldn’t have answered the interview question that
way.
■  Will the interview go well?
■  Will they make me an offer?
■  Will they respond at all?
■  Why didn’t they call?
■  Where are these thoughts… past, present or future?


Where is Your Attention Most
Productive?
■  Past?

■  Present?

■  Future?


Mindfulness Defined
■  Mindfulness is the ability to pay attention to an
experience from moment to moment —without
drifting into thoughts of the past or concerns about
the future, or getting caught up in opinions about
what's going on.

■  One of the more popular ways to practice
mindfulness is through meditation, which involves
sitting or lying down quietly for 20 or 30 minutes,
once or twice a day. Focus on your breath. When
you get distracted, return your attention to
everything about your breath


Let’s try it out…


Scientific Evidence
■  Several studies have been conducted measuring the effects of
mindfulness. See the February issue of Harvard Health Publications
where they translate findings to inform readers about how they can
benefit the most from practicing mindfulness.

■  A UW-Madison research team has found, for the first time, that a short
program in "mindfulness meditation" produced lasting positive changes in
both the brain and the function of the immune system.

■  Compuware has seen 5 fold productivity gains for teams after work done
in the area of Loving Kindness Meditation.

■  Jon Kabat-Zinn - Professor of Medicine Emeritus and Founding director of
the Stress Reduction Clinic & the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine,
Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical
School.
■  He teaches mindfulness meditation as a technique to help people cope with
stress, anxiety, pain and illness.


Mindfulness in Everyday Life
■  Pay attention to your breathing or your environment when you stop at red
lights.

■  Instead of listening to the radio or making phone calls during your drive,
spend time checking in with yourself

■  Before you go to sleep, and when you awaken, take some “mindful”
breaths.

■  Instead of allowing your mind to wander over the day's concerns, direct
your attention to your breathing.

■  Find a task that you do impatiently or unconsciously (standing in line or
brushing your teeth, for example) and concentrate on the experience.

■  Make something that occurs several times during a day, such as
answering the phone or buckling your seatbelt, a reminder to return to the
present — that is, think about what you're doing and observe yourself
doing it.

Adapted from Harvard Health Publications online


Journaling
■  Journaling is an easy and effective way to reduce
stress.
■  “By getting your thoughts out of your head and
putting them down in writing, you gain insights you’d
otherwise never see.” blog by Steve Pavlina July 9th,
2007

■  Venting on paper, first neutralizes the emotional
charge. Then, re-reading what you’ve written can
help you learn from the emotions, clarify the
situation and begin to outline options
■  Adapted from “Reduce stress through Journaling” Reader’s Digest online


Suggested Processes
■  Morning Pages: Three pages of longhand, stream of
consciousness writing, done first thing in the
morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning
Pages. They are about anything and everything that
crosses your mind-- and they are for your eyes only.
■  From The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

■  T-Chart
■  Write out all of the negative emotions and frustrations
on one side of the paper
■  Write out 3 positive emotions, options, thoughts, or
ideas for each negative thought.


Understanding Language


5 Speech Acts
■  Assertions

■  Assessments
■  Grounded
■  Un-grounded

■  Declarations

■  Requests/Offers

■  Promises
Only human beings create concepts
through language – linguistic phenomena
From: ‘You Are What You Say” by Matthew Budd

JobCamp 8/26/09
Presented2 - 7/9/09 De-Stressing - © Dotty Posto 28

Assessments and Assertions
■  Assessments:
■  Purposeful and action oriented (For the sake of some purpose or action)
■  Reveals the observer, NOT the observed
■  Reveals standards and values of the observer

■  Grounded Assessments:
■  Never true or false
■  Based on evidence
■  Assessments such as “good” or “bad” are based on some shared
understanding

■  Assertions:
■  Universal observer
■  Always true or false
■  Shared standards or measure

Adapted from Colasanti Associates, LLC


Requests/Offers
■  An action taken seeking the assistance of another in
satisfying an underlying concern. A request happens
in the present and invites a future action by another.

■  A request also involves a commitment on the part of
the requester to be satisfied if the conditions
specified in the request are met.



Promises
■  A promise is what you speak to indicate your commitment to
fulfill what someone else has requested. It implies you
understand the request and are competent and sincere about
fulfilling the promise.

■  When promises are not fulfilled, the requester may feel
resentful and distrust may develop.

Declarations
■  Is an utterance by someone with the authority to do so, brings
something into being that was not there before, through the
power of language.



Process for Effective Conversations
What is the reasoning
“I am concerned about….” behind the complaint?
“I would like to discuss….”
“I have a problem with...” Concern

Desire to Desire for
be Heard Satisfaction

Yes
No
Commit to Commit
“You make me….” Complaint Request Counteroffer
“You need to….”
“You, You, You” Does it sound like a What are you willing
protest, or accusation? to ask for? Risk? Adapted from Colasanti
Associates, LLC


Cultivating Positive
Emotions
Adapted from the book: “Positivity” by
Barbara Fredrickson PH.D.


Negative Emotions
■  Only three
■  Anger
■  Fear
■  Contempt

■  Occur naturally as a response to threat


10 Positive Emotions
■  Joy ■  Amusement

■  Gratitude ■  Awe

■  Interest ■  Love

■  Serenity ■  Inspiration

■  Hope ■  Pride


Positive Emotions
■  Don’t occur naturally

■  Must be cultivated

■  Are cumulative
■  Feel good
■  Broadens your capacity to think
■  Learn more – become more skilled
■  Undo effect (on negative emotions)


Cultivate a 3:1 Ratio
■  Build a positive emotion ■  Develop coping strategies
portfolio – one for each of the
10 positive emotions ■  Learning to forgive

■  Practice gratitude ■  Living in the present;
increasing flow experiences
■  Cultivate Optimism
■  Savor
■  Avoid over-thinknig and social
comparison ■  Committing to your goals:
committed goal pursuit
■  Practice acts of kindness
■  Practicing religion and
■  Nurture social relationships spirituality

■  Taking care of body & soul


Understanding Yourself
better…


Knowing Your Core Self
■  Personality
■  DISC
■  Myers Briggs
■  Enneagram

■  Know your strengths
■  StrengthsFinder 2.0 (by Tom Rath)

■  Interaction Style

■  Temperament

■  These require support from a qualified practitioner to guide you to an
understanding of your core self.
■  Taking only input from an assessment is not advisable – most have a 20 –
40% error rate.


Summary of Tools
■  Having a plan, working the plan

■  Mindfulness

■  Journaling

■  Understanding how we use language

■  Cultivating Positive Emotions

■  Understanding yourself better


Commitment to Action
■  What one tool will you commit to try tomorrow?

■  What tool will you commit to use next week?

■  Can you find an accountability partner to keep you
focused, honest and successful?

■  Go forth & chill…


Contact Information
■  Dotty Posto
■  Leadership & Organizational Development
Consultant
■  Speaker
■  Executive & Personal Coach

■  dotty.posto@gmail.com

■  www.linkedin.com/in/dottyposto

■  414.305.8976


Resources
■  Follow: @StressReduction on Twitter
■  http://www.themindtolead.com/
mindfulness.html
■  Google: Jon Kabat-Zinn – videos, books and
CDs on mindfulness and Mindfulness Based
Stress Reduction
■  www.positivity.org
■  www.positivityratio.com


Resources
■  http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/reduce-stress-
through-journaling/article16179.html

■  http://www.journalforyou.com

■  http://www.theartistsway.com/the-basic-tools

■  “You Are What You Say” by Dr. Matthew Budd

■  http://cs.gmu.edu/cne/pjd/TT/AssertAssess.pdf


Resources
■  “First Break All the Rules” – by Marcus Buckingham

■  “Now Discover Your Strengths” by Marcus Buckingham &
Donald O. Clifton

■  “StrengthsFinder 2.0” by Tom Rath

■  “Go Put Your Strengths To Work” by Marcus Buckingham

■  “Strengths based Leadership” by Tom Rath

■  “How Full is Your Bucket” by Tom Rath & Donald O. Clifton


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