Script template for a Cooking show

1. 1
CookingShow Script for CulinaryTwist
ProjectID: 795974
CourtneyD.Williams
dba SeventhCloudCreativeSolutions
MUSIC STARTS.CAMERA ZOOMS IN TO
COUNTER WHERE THREE BOTTLES OF
CULINARYTWIST SAUCE—MAYA BAY, BORA
BORA,ANDBAJA—SIT. CAMERA PULLS BACK
TO SHOW ERIC ANDLYNN BEHIND COUNTER.
MUSIC FADES.
ERIC (to camera, pleasantly):Hello,andwelcome
to “The TwistedTable”withCulinaryTwist. I’m
Eric, and thisismy lovely wife andbusiness
partner, Lynn.
LYNN(pleasantly):Hellothere! Today, we’ll be
introducingyoutosome recipesthatuse our
deliciousline of sauces,educatingyouaboutsome
the ingredients, and,perhaps,showingoff some of
our prizedpossessions!
ERIC (startled):Lynn,I don’tknow if that’sthe best
idea…perhaps…
LYNN(interrupting):Eric, whatare we making
today?
ERIC (trying to sound upbeatbut gritting teeth
and biting back tension):Well, Lynn,we were
going to make Maya Bay scallops,BajaSalsa,and
Bora Bora Ribs. But I’ve hadto rethinkthata bit
since youcame home fromthe grocerystore
withoutenoughtomatoesforthe salsa. We only
have one on hand.
LYNN HOLDSUP A PAPERBAG HEAVY WITH
QUINOA.
LYNN: Butour friendbroughtusthisbeautiful
organicheirloomquinoafromhervacationatthe
Boliviansalares. Salaresmeans“saltflats.” She
was part of a culinarytour,andtheywere able to
experience aquinoaharvestfirsthand! She picked
thisquinoaespeciallyforus! (Anxiously):Andshe
saidwe’dbe very pleased…
ERIC (suspiciously):How convenient. Youforget
the tomatoes, butwe suddenlyhave the world’s
bestquinoa…Idon’tsuppose youplannedthis…I
know how much you love quinoa.
LYNN: Quinoa.
ERIC: Quinoa.

2. 2
LYNNPUNCTUATES THE SYLLABLESIN THE
AIRWITH HER FINGER.
LYNN(slowly):No…quinoa.
ERIC FURROWS HIS EYEBROWS IN
CONFUSION—THEYAREBOTH
PRONOUNCINGITCORRECTLY.
ERIC: Yes,quinoa.
LYNN(exasperated):Oh, youFrenchCanadians!
(continuing,slowly):Quinoa.
ERIC: Oh, youEnglish Canadians!—Quinoa-Eh?
LYNN SMILES ANDNODS.
ERIC: Well, whateverit’scalled,that’s notwhat
we had planned. Whyquinoa?(Whispering):And
how didshe get throughcustomswithall this?
LYNN(ignoringhis last question):Well,quinoaisa
really nutritiousfood. Somuchsothat NASA
researcheditdecadesago,andfounditan ideal
foodforastronautson longexplorations. The
success of the ancientIncanempire isoften
attributedtothe fact that theycouldsustain their
population—andthatof conqueredtribes—on
quinoa. It’s veryhighinproteinandcontainsa
balancedsetof essential aminoacidswhichmakes
it a complete proteinsource. Itisalsoa good
source of fiberandis glutenfree.(Whispering:)
AndI’m notsure how Charl--…
ERIC (Cuttingher off quickly):Perhapsit’sbestnot
to say hername.
LYNN: Well I’mnotsure how ourfriend gotit here,
but one doesnotlooka gifthorse inthe mouth!
Especiallywhenit’ssmugglingsome of the best
chenopodthe worldhastooffer! Ourfriend said
that this“quinoareal”variety(whichmeans“true”
or “royal” inSpanish) growsinthe area
surroundingthe saltflats, whichisnearthe crest
of the Andes. Thisarea iscoveredina crust of salt
several metersdeep,the resultof aseriesof
transformationsinarealakes. The surrounding
area’srich mineral soil andaridconditionsproduce
a seedthat is1/3 largerthanin otherareas.
ERIC (interrupting): Andwhatabout ourviewers
whodon’twantto venture toofar off the
traditional culinarypath?(Lookingconcerned,
whispering):Andthose whodon’twishtorisk
beingdetainedatcustoms?

3. 3
LYNN: Eric, please. Quinoahasquickly gained
popularityinthe statesinrecentyears,butin
ancientAndeancultures, itwasa staple alongwith
corn and potato. Thisis nothinglikeventuringoff
the beatenpath. It ismore like rediscoveringan
ancientgiftfromthe earth, or…
ERIC (interruptingsmilinguneasilyintothe
camera): one of history’sgreatesttreasures.
LYNN(smilingintothe camera): It’sbestthat
these thingsare enjoyedbythose whoappreciate
them.
ERIC GRINS SHEEPISHLY INTOTHE CAMERA.
LYNN: Andthose of youwithoutsmugglingfriends
can simplybuya box at yourlocal supermarket.
Now, Eric,I thoughtwe couldmake a freshquinoa
saladto accompanythe ribs. We’ll onlyneedone
tomahto.
ERIC (Recoveringand regaininghis enthusiasm):
So todaywe’ll be makingMayaBay Scallops,Baja
Quinoa Salad [emphasizedasreplacementsfor
the other dishes],and Bora Bora Ribs.
LYNN: Soundsgreat!Let’sgetstartedby preparing
our organicquinoa.Oh, I am SOexcited! Start by
rinsingthe quinoa. Thiswill remove saponins,
whichare a naturally-occurringplantchemical that
can give the quinoaa bittertaste.Inthiscase, it
will alsoremove anyBoliviandustthatmaystill be
attachedto the quinoagrains.
Eric: SEED
LYNN: Yes, thankyouEric. Althoughmostpeople
incorrectlyassume thatquinoaisagrain,it’s
actuallyanedible seedcalledachenopod,andits
plantismore closelyrelatedtospinachandbeets
than to cerealsand grains. Careful nottoletthe
Boliviandustgodownthe drain…You’ll wanttosift
throughit forancientIncanartifactswhenyou’re
done. (Pleased,asif she is expectingit):Oh!Like
this!
LYNN ISSTARTLED AS SOMETHING FALLS
INTOTHE SINK. SHE TAKESA QUICK LOOK.
ERIC (surprisedand excited):Lynn,isthatwhat I
thinkitis?
ERIC BECOMES NERVOUSANDTRIES TO HIDE
THE OBJECT.
ERIC (nervouslyinfront of the camera): Maybe.
Probablynot. No.

4. 4
LYNNPICKSUP A DIRT-CRUSTED GOLD
IMPLEMENT FROMTHE SINKANDHOLDSIT
UP FOR THE CAMERA. IT IS ABSURDLY BIG TO
BE HIDING IN A BAG OF QUINOA.
LYNN(to the camera): In the ancientIncan
civilization, quinoawasasacredcrop. Theyhad
religiousfestivalswhere theymade anofferingof
quinoatothe sun god byputtingitina gold
fountain. In Cuzco,theyworshippedentombed
quinoaseedsasthe progenitorsof theircity.
(Slowlybut excitedly,sothat the audience
followsher train of thought):Andour friend tells
us that eachyear, they useda special goldtool to
ceremoniouslymakethe firstfurrow of thatyear’s
planting! Eric, I do believethisis…
ERIC: Lynn,I’m sure it’sjusta piece of scrap metal.
Surelyourfriend wouldnothave smuggledrare
and valuable ancientartifactsintothe countryfor
us,underthe guise of simple local delicacies….Let
me put that away,Lynn. Let’sget cooking.
THE CAMERA FOLLOWS ASERIC OPENSTHE
DOOR TO A PANTRYFILLED WITH OLD, RARE
RELICS FROMAROUNDTHE WORLD—A
CHALICE THAT LOOKSSUSPICIOUSLYLIKE THE
HOLY GRAIL,A CHEST RESEMBLING THE ARK
OF THE COVENANT, VARIOUSTREASURES
ANDRELICS, A MUMMY, AN OPULENT
SWORD,ETC. HE TRIES TO OPEN THE DOOR
DISCRETELY ANDCLOSE IT QUICKLY, BUT
SOMETHING FALLS FROMA SHELF,
ALLOWINGTHE CAMERA A GLIMPSE OFTHE
TREASURES. ERIC PUTS THE GOLD
IMPLEMENT CAREFULLY ON A SHELF, PICKS
UP WHAT HAS FALLEN AND CLOSESTHE
DOOR QUICKLY.
LYNN: AsI was saying,rinse the terrade Bolivia
fromyour quinoaseeds. Boil the quinoafor10
minutes, rinse, andsendtoPatagoniatocool.
That’swhere Boliviasendsitsquinoatochill,butif
you’re ina time-bind,anAmericannippybox will
do. You’ll endupwithabout2 or 3 cups of light,
fluffy, chenopod.

5. 5
ERIC (enthusiastically):Okay, I’ve gotthe Bora
Bora ribsin the ovenalready, solet’scheckinon
these pristine porcine pieces. Istronglybelieve in
buyinghigh-quality,natural meat. If yourbodyisa
temple, why gorge yourself withthe nutritional
equivalentsof junkiesandtrampswhen youcan
enjoythe meatof fresh,clean,virginporkribs?
ERIC OPENSOVEN ANDPULLS OUT A PAN OF
RIBS. CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON RIBS.
ERIC (continuing):Forme, makingribsisa little bit
of a religiousexperience….
A BRIGHT LIGHT SHINES DOWN ON THE PAN
OF RIBS AND MUSIC LIKE A CHOIR OF ANGELS
RINGS OUT BRIEFLY, THEN STOPS QUICKLY
WITH A WAVE OF ERIC’S HAND. THE LIGHT
GOES OUT.
ERIC (continuing):...Like religionandpolitics,
cookingmethodsforribscanpolarize people. But
I think—whetheryouprefertoslow bake, boil,
steam, or use some combination—we’re all united
by our love of meat…socan’twe all justget
along?...WhatI didwiththese isprettyeasy and
it’ll turnordinaryribsintoheavenlyribs. If you
have a favorite waytoprepare ribs, youcan just
use the Bora Bora as a finishingsauce, butthisis
the way I findworksbest. Now the CulinaryTwist
Bora Bora sauce iswhatyou’dgetif the holytrinity
of sauces—chutney, steaksauce, andbarbeque
sauce—hadababy.
LYNN(disgusted):Now that’sacontroversial
statement.
ERIC: Buta deliciousresult.
ERIC CLOSES THE OVEN DOORAND STEPS
OVERTO A SECOND,UNPREPARED,RACK OF
RIBS ON THE COUNTER.
ERIC: Startby disrobingthe ribsof their
membrane.
ERIC SLIPS A KNIFEUNDER THE MEMBRANE
ANDSTARTS TO PEEL THE SKIN OFF,
HOLDING ON WITH A PAPERTOWEL.
LYNN CRINGES.
LYNN: Eric, whyare youremovingthis?
ERIC PUTS SARAN WRAPFROMTHE RIBS
OVER LYNN’SOPEN MOUTH. HE BRUSHES
SAUCE OVERTHE WRAP TO SHOW THAT
NOTHINGPENETRATESTHE FILM. LYNN
TRIES TO PROTEST IN A MUFFLED VOICE.
ERIC: Well, dear. Thismembrane islike aplastic
filmandpreventsthe meatfrombenefitingfrom
the sauce. Tell me,are the flavorssinkingin?

6. 6
LYNN SHAKESHER HEAD, PEELS PLASTIC
WRAP AWAY, TIDIES HER HAIRANDFACE.
LYNN: I see.
ERIC: Now thatthe ribs are disrobed,place them
ina shallow dishandlatheronsome CulinaryTwist
Bora Bora sauce on bothsides. Thisisa sauce
that’stangy andbold,buta little bitfruitytoo. It’s
perfectforanytype of meat,evenveggies…
LYNN: Youcan evenmake a quickspreadby
pouringsome BoraBora sauce oversome softened
cream cheese andserve itwithcrackers.
ERIC PLACESTHE MARINATINGRIBDISH IN
THE REFRIGERATORANDTURNS BACKTO
THE CAMERA.
ERIC: Put theminthe nippybox andletthem
bathe inprivacyfor 4-8 hours,turningthem
occasionally,withoutpeeking,of course. They’re
verymodest.After4-8hours,preheatyour oven to
275, and remove the ribsfromtheirtub—you can
throw out the remainingmarinade, butbe careful
not to tossout the babyback withthe bathwater.
ERIC SMILES, PROUD OF HIS JOKE,AND
MOVES THE RIBS TO A SECONDPAN. HE
THROWS THE EXCESSSAUCE OUT THE OPEN
WINDOW, WHICH GETS SPLATTERED. HE
FROWNS,ANDTHEN COVERSTHE PAN OF
RIBS WITH FOILWHILE HE TALKS.
ERIC (continuing):…Putthe ribsin a pan,covering
themwithfoil. Slow bake themforabout2 ½
hours. While those bake, let’sgetonwithourBaja
QuinoaSalad.
LYNN GETS A COOLBOWL OF QUINOA FROM
THE REFRIGERATOR.
LYNN: AsI was saying,quinoaisagrain-likecrop,
but since itisnot a memberof the grass family,it
isn’ta true grainor cereal.
ERIC: Ascan be saidformany people,quinoais
nothinglike the closestmembersof itsfamily—a
motleycrew of beets, spinach,andtumbleweeds.
LYNN: Yes, it’sthe blacksheep of the chenopod
family. But remember:inthe ancientIncan
culture,quinoawasconsideredsacred.
ERIC (proud of hisplay on words): The holygrail of
grain!
LYNN: (ToEric): It’sNOTa grain.(To the
camera):…Until the Europeanscame alongand
forbiditscultivation, consideringitaheathencrop.

7. 7
ERIC (smiling): Cereal killers.
LYNN: Eric, I saidit’snot a cereal.
ERIC TURNS AND GLANCES WITH
ANNOYANCEAT LYNN. ERIC STRAINS A CAN
OF BLACKBEANS, REACHES FOR THE CAN OF
CORN.
ERIC (continuing):Next,rinse andstrain1cup of
cannedblackbeans,anddraina can of corn. You’ll
onlyuse abouthalf of the can of corn, so putthe
restaside inthe nippybox.
LYNN: Use the special colander, Eric.
ERIC REACHES FOR A COLANDERON THE
COUNTER WHILE LYNN GOES TO THE PANTRY
ANDREMOVES A COLANDERTHAT IS
ENCRUSTED IN DIRT ANDSEAWEED.
ERIC: Thisone will dojustfine, dear.
LYNN: What’sthe sense of havingnice thingsif
youcan’t use them? That’swhat I alwayssay.
(Matter-of-factly,holdingupthe rusted
colander):Thiscolanderwasused onthe Titanic. I
like tothinkthatit helpedprepare the lastmeal of
those onthe ship. Ihope itwas a splendidmeal.
Our friendArthurhelpedshootthe footage they
have of the actual wreck—youknow, the footage
they show onthe commercialsforthe 3D movie.
Arthurthoughtwe’dappreciate thismemento.
He’sthe one shootingthisvideoactually.
A HANDCOMES OUT IN FRONTOF THE
CAMERA ANDWAVESFRANTICALLY. A
MUFFLED VOICESPEAKS.
MUFFLED VOICEFROM BEHIND CAMERA
(nervously):Justa reproduction,Lynn, sorryto
say.
LYNN looksconfused.
LYNN: But,Arthur, yousaid…
ERIC (interruptingquickly):Okay,we can talkto
Arthurlater, Lynn….Gettingbacktorecipe,so now
youhave your strainedand rinsedcanof black
beansandhalf of yourcan of drainedcorn…We
needsome onion,tomato,pepper, andcilantro.
Can youhelpme withsome prepwork?
LYNN: Of course.
ERIC (to Lynn): Dice up abouthalf of that sweet
onion,nice andfine.
LYNN BEGINSDICINGAN ONION SHE FINDS
ON THE COUNTER.

8. 8
ERIC: AndI’ll be choppingupabout½ a cup of
freshcilantro.
ERIC TAKES A KNIFEAND BEGINSCHOPPING
CILANTRO.
ERIC (continuing):Inthe US, we refertothisplant
as cilantro,butinmany partsof the world,it’s
calledcoriander, the termwe use here forthe
plant’sseeds. Cilantroisanothervery
controversial topic. Especiallyif you’re discussing
it withJuliaChild,oracontributingmemberof
Ihateciilantro.com.Apparently,there isagroupof
people outthere whovehementlyHATEcilantro.
But justlike quinoa, secretlyhoardingsought-after
internationaltreasures,andexploringthe history
of food,we LOVEcilantro.
LYNN: Cilantro’shistorycanbe tracedback to
5,000 BC. It wasmentionedinthe OldTestament,
and cultivatedinEgypt. The ancientRomansand
Greeksuseditas a spice, andHippocratesusedit
for variousmedical ailments. Thisparticular
cilantrocame fromKingTut’s tomb—itwaschock
full of the stuff, youknow. Our friendSamisan
archeologistassignedtothe mosttop-secret
expeditions. He oftenbringsusthoughtful
souvenirs.
ERIC WAVESA SPRIG OFCILANTROUNDER
HIS NOSEWITH PLEASURE. THEN LOOKS UP,
STARTLED THAT LYNN ISIMPLICATING
ANOTHERFRIEND. HE TRIES TO DISTRACT
HER WITH THE TOMATO.
ERIC: Tomato.
ERIC HOLDS UP A TOMATO AND BEGINSTO
DICE IT.
LYNN(correcting):Tomahto.
ERIC (ignoringher): Bell pepper—greenorred, as
youprefer.
ERIC HANDSTHE PEPPERTO LYNN,WHO
STARTSDICING IT INTOSMALL PIECES.
ERIC: A person’slove orhate of cilantromaybe
genetic. We hope thatthose whodislikeit
eventuallybecomeextinct…
LYNN: Like the dinosaur, whose femurisinthe
pantry. Theymake for excellentstock.

9. 9
ERIC (trying to talk over her): If natural selection
reallyworks, everyonewillshare ourpalates’
preferenceswithinthe nextfew generations,I’m
sure…Cilantroissuch a delicate herb
so…mistreatedandmisunderstood. I’msorry,
Lynn,I know thisishard for you…
LYNNWIPES AWAYA TEAR.
LYNN(completelyunemotionally):Oh. No. It’s
justthe onions.
ERIC: Anyway,here we are withourchopped
cilantro,onion,tomatoandpeppers.
ERIC HOLDS UP CHOPPEDCILANTRO, ONION,
PEPPER,ANDTOMATO FOR THE CAMERA.
ERIC: So,adulterate the quinoawithall the other
ingredients—theblackbeans, the cornand
tomatoes, andpepperandonionandcilantro…
ERIC POURS THE TOMATO,CORN,CILANTRO,
BEANS, PEPPERS,ANDONIONSINTOTHE
BOWL WITH THE QUINOA.
ERIC: …togetherwith¼ to½ cup of CulinaryTwist
Baja sauce. …
ERIC MEASURES ANDPOURSBAJA SAUCE ON
TOP OFINGREDIENTS, BUT DOES NOTSTIR
YET.
ERIC: The Baja sauce isa smoky,sweet,citrusy
blendwithjustalittle bitof heat. It’sgreaton
meat,fish,veggies—youcanuse itasa marinade,
as a sauce,as a dip…it’sreallyversatile.
LYNNMOTIONSFOR ERIC TO STIR THE
INGREDIENTSTOGETHER.
LYNN: Eric, time to stirup somethingbesides
trouble. (Snidely):Sleepwithone eyeopen,Eric, I
haven’tforgottenthe plasticwrapincident.
ERIC SHOOTS LYNN A LOOK AND BEGINS
MIXING ALL INGREDIENTSIN THE BOWL.
ERIC (whisperingto Lynn):At leastyouwere quiet
for a few seconds! Weren’tspilling our secrets to
the world….(Tocamera):…add salt andadditional
sauce to taste…
ERIC TASTES THE SALAD,ADDSA DASHOF
SALT ANDANOTHERDRIZZLE OF SAUCE AND
CONTINUESMIXING.

10. 10
ERIC (continuing):…thencoveritand refrigerate
until it’sreadytoserve. You can also stuff the
mixture intohalvedbell pepperswiththe seeds
removed,and bake atabout325 for 50 minutes.
You can top withcheese andbake foran
additional tenminutesif youwish.
ERIC PUTS SARAN WRAPOVERTHE DISH AND
PUTS IT IN THE REFRIGERATOR. WHEN HIS
BACKIS TURNED LYNN SMILES SLYLY AND
PUTS THE SARAN WRAP IN A DRAWER,
ALONGWITH A MYSTERIOUS ANTIQUEVIAL
OF LIQUID FROMTHE PANTRY,HIDINGIT FOR
LATER WHEN SHE’LL GET HER REVENGE.
LYNN(Smilingto the camera, while Eric’sback is
turned): I know what you’re thinking,butit’s
nothingtoodiabolical. Let’sjustsayhe’llhave a
restful night’ssleep. Or three.(ToEric): Alright!
That was easy!
ERIC: Youknow, itis a reallyeasydish…andit’s
great tobringto a barbeque ora pot-luck, ormake
it inthe morningfordinnerthatnightif youhave
companycominganddon’twant to be messing
aroundin the kitchen whileyou’re tryingtovisit.
ERIC TIDIES UP THE COUNTER IN
PREPARATION FORTHE NEXTDISH.
LYNN: So, what’snext? Are we onto the scallops?
ERIC: Yup,Maya Bay Scallops. Maya Bay isa Thai
inspiredsauce thatisgreaton seafoodor
chicken…It’sgotbalsamicvinegarinit, soitalso
makesa great saladdressingorbreaddipperright
out of the bottle.
LYNN: CanI make thisdish?
ERIC: Ah,youwantthisone all to yourself—feeling
a little shellfish?…Sorry,I couldn’tresist!
LYNN(correcting him):Veryfunny,Eric, but
actually, scallopsare relatedtooysters,not
shellfish,thoughthey’reinashell.
ERIC: Soanyway,beginwith12 scallopsandpat
themwitha papertowel toremove the excess
water.

11. 11
AFTER LYNN STARTS TALKINGABOUT PEARLS,
ERIC IS MOTIONINGTO THE CAMERA TO CUT.
WHEN THE CAMERA CONTINUESTO ROLL,
ERIC ROLLS HIS EYES IN EXASPERATION.
LYNN: Be sure to checkyour oystersforpearls.
Unlike theirrelative the oysters, wheremost
pearlscome from,it’srare that scallopsproduce
these treasures. Sowhentheydo,it’sexcitingto
say the least! Scalloppearlsare rare,andtheir
reflectivesurface hasaunique 3Deffect. Theyare
oftena maroonor purple color,andmostare
small. AsI said,a scalloppearl isEXTREMELY rare,
and a large scalloppearl wouldbe quiteunusual.
But the seafoodclerkscanbe careless, andyou
wouldn’twanttochipa tooth, so I encourage you
to take a lookbefore cooking. (Pleased,slyly):
Oops, lookslike they’vemissedanotherone.
LYNNLOOKS OVERTHE SCALLOP ANDFINDS
A HUGE PEARL,ANDADDS IT TO THE
TREASURES IN THE PANTRY.
LYNN: Eric andI findlittle bonusgiftsinthe
majorityof the raw ingredientswe prepare. Some
mightsay we’re lucky. Butithelpstoknow the
rightpeople. (Winks.)
ERIC PATS THE SCALLOPSDRY. LYNNHANDS
HIM A HEAVYSKILLET.
ERIC: Heata heavyskillet, andthenadd enough
peanutor corn oil tocoverthe bottomof the pan.
ERIC PUTS THE PAN ON THE BURNER, ADDS
THE OIL.
ERIC (continuing):Addthe scallops—keepsome
distance betweenthem,theyliketheirpersonal
space and geta bitclaustrophobic—andletthem
situntil theyare goldenbrown—don’tmove them.
ERIC ADDS THE SCALLOPSTOTHE PAN.
LYNN: Throughouthistory,scallopshellshave
beenconsideredasymbol of fertility,andthe
scallop’srelative—the oyster—isconsideredan
aphrodisiac…butscallopsalsohave religious
connotations. The storygoesthat St. James
rescueda drowningman, andas he pulledhim
fromthe sea,theywere bothcoveredinscallop
shells, soSt.Jamesbecame associatedwiththe
scallopshell. Christiansfromall overthe world
made the pilgrimage toSt.James’stombin
NorthernSpainandtheirwaywasmarkedwith
emptyscallopshells. Uponcompletionof their
pilgrimage, theywore scallopshellsontheir
cloaks. Scallopsare mentionedinprintasa food
as earlyas 1280, whenMarco Polorecordsseeing
themsoldina marketplace inChina.

12. 12
LYNN GOES TO THE PANTRYANDREMOVES
AN ANCIENTLOOKINGBOOK. ON THE
COVER,IN OLD-STYLE SCRIPT, “MY DIARY, BY
MARCO POLO”IS ENSCRIBED. ERIC TRIES TO
WRESTLE THE BOOK AWAYFROM HER.
LYNN(readingfrom the diary, as Eric triesto get
it away): “Dear Diary.Today, the marketplace
withinthe highwallsof the cityofferedthe most
delectabletreasure fromthe sea. Theyare meaty
medallionsfromacreature calleda“scallop.” I
ordereda #5 combinationplate—whichconsisted
of three large scallops,agenerousservingof fried
rice, and an eggroll, servedinaseriesof white
boxeswithunnecessarywire handles. Itcame
withmanysmall plasticpacketsof varioussauces,
too muchfor one persontouse in a lifetime. The
bestthingaboutChinese foodisthatitseemsto
alwaysbe readyintenminutes. Theysay ithad no
MSG, whateverthatis. My fortune cookie tellsme
that mytravelswill continue….AllI know is,this
GenghisKhanguyisa maniac,buthe seemstolike
me well enough. Love,Marco.“ (Pointingto the
diary): Now that’swhatI call a rare firstedition!
ERIC GIVES UP ANDCHECKS THE SCALLOPS.
ERIC: Okay, these lookgood. So,we’ll flipthem
and letthemcookon the other side. In the
meantime, we’ve hadaplate inthe oven to
warm…
LYNN HANDSERICA WARMPLATE FROMTHE
OVEN.
ERIC (continuing):Now thatthese are done,we’ll
transferthe searedscallopstothe warmplate.
Now, turnoff the heat,anddeglaze the panwith
about ½ of a bottle of Maya Bay sauce. Scrape
any bitsintothe sauce.
ERIC STIRS PAN SCRAPINGSINTOTHESAUCE.
ERIC (continuing):Setthe panaside while you
plate the scallops…
ERIC PUTS THREE SCALLOPSEACH ON FOUR
PLATES.
ERIC (continuing):…anddrizzle themwiththe
warm Maya Bay sauce. Garnishthe plateswitha
generoushandfulof cilantro.
ERIC TOSSES CILANTROONTOTHE SCALLOPS.
LYNN: Eric, what aboutthe ribswe startedearlier?

13. 13
ERIC: Oh, they still needquite awhileinthe oven,
but afterabout2 ½ hours,they’ll looklikethis…
ERIC PULLS A FULLY-BAKED RACK OF RIBS
FROM THE COUNTER ANDTILTS THEM UP
FOR THE CAMERA. THE BRIGHT LIGHT ONCE
AGAIN SHINESDOWN ON THE RIBS, ANDTHE
CHOIR OFANGELS RISESBRIEFLY. ERIC CUTS
THEM OFF WITH A WAVEOF HISHAND.
ERIC: You’ll wanttofinishthemonthe grill, so
prepare the grill tomedium-hot,andthrow the
ribson there. Slatherbothsideswiththe Bora
Bora, like you’re sponge-bathingababy,and
repeatuntil they’re donetoperfection. Serve
themwitha generoushelpingof BoraBora sauce
on the side, anddevour.
ERIC HOLDS UP A PLATE OF FINISHEDAND
DRESSED RIBS.
LYNN: There youhave it:Maya Bay Scallops, Baja
QuinoaSalad,andBora Bora Ribs.
WEBSITE URL FLASHESON SCREEN. ERIC: Now, youcan getany of the saucesusedin
these recipesonourwebsite, oronthe shelvesof
your favorite grocery store (assumingyourfavorite
grocerystore is one that’slistedonourwebsite.)
Andif your store doesn’tcarryit,ask for it! Our
distributionisalwaysexpanding.
LYNN:Andif youhave the same grocery store as
we do,ask for Jose inthe fishdepartment. Tell
himwe sentyou.(Whispers to Eric and smiles:)
My strand of rare pearls is half-completed.
ERIC SMILES BROADLYFOR THE CAMERA,
TRYING TO DISTRACTTHE AUDIENCEFROM
LYNN.
ERIC: Thanksfor joiningusat“The TwistedTable”!
We hope yourdaywill be a saucy one!
[MUSIC STARTS. CAMERA PANSTO THREE
SAUCE BOTTLES. TEXT ON SCREEN READS:
“FINDRECIPES ANDRETAILERS,ANDBUY
CULINARYTWIST SAUCES ONLINEAT
WWW.CULINARYTWIST.COM.” IN THE
BACKGROUND,LYNN IS SPEAKINGASSHE
PULLS TWO PRECIOUS-LOOKING,BEJEWELED
CHALICESFROMTHE MYSTERIOUS PANTRY
ANDPOURS A GLASSOF WINEFOR HERSELF
ANDERIC. INTOERIC’SSHE POURS A FEW
DROPSFROMTHE ANTIQUE VIAL. SHE DOES
NOT SEEM TO REALIZETHAT THE CAMERA IS
STILL ON.
LYNN(pleased,agreeably):Well, thatwasapretty
goodhaul today…a large scalloppearl, anancient
Incan furrowingimplement…(fadesout)

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