"Compliance is boring as f*ck." Said the creative director of a marketing company pitching for our business. I told him that I understood where he was coming from, but that we needed to make it not "boring as f*ck." So, after scratching our heads for a while, here's what we came up with. Not so boring now, is it? #nobodyputscomplianceinthecorner

1. "COMPLIANCE
IS BORING AS
F*CK."
~ Every small business owner ever ~
Well, Here are 5 things that
might make it less boring

2. 1 DYING

3. Yep, dying is pretty interesting.
Ooo, will I go to heaven? Is
there a heaven? Am I just a
complex construction of atoms
with no more meaning than a
dandelion, or a packet of
Monster Munch? Well, there’s
no better way to die than
forgetting to conduct safety
checks on your building site
and casually getting crushed by
a pile of bricks.

4. 2 PRISON

5. Yeah going to prison is
interesting. All you have to do
is completely ignore gas safety
regulations. You’ll soon be
sharing a cell with Big Mike,
the tattooed, 20 stone inmate
who murdered his grandma and
keeps yelling at you to spoon
him. Yup, not boring at all. "Go
on then, Mike. You wanna be
big spoon or little spoon?"

6. 3 BEING
SUED

7. Save up loads of money, start a
business, grow it, take on loads
of staff, go on nice holidays,
buy a fast car and a posh
house, and then gamble it all
by being taken to court which
you can’t fight because you
didn’t have the right
documents in place. Nothing
gets the adrenaline pumping
like a £500k fine. Ooo,
exciting.

8. 4 KILLING
PEOPLE

9. You can’t deny that
manslaughter is pretty
interesting. Surprisingly, you
don’t need to go all American
Psycho with an axe and start
hacking chunks out of
randomers. Nope, killing people
can be as easy as serving them
nuts in the food in your
restaurant. In fact, most
people with nut allergies don't
have to consume them. Just
rub a few peanuts on their
cutlery. That ought to do it.

10. 5 FAME

11. Any PR is good PR, right? Why
become Instagram famous
when you can simply cut health
and safety corners, end up with
a few severely injured
employees, become the subject
of a HSE investigation and end
up disgraced on national telly?
If you become infamous
enough, you might even end up
on ‘I’m a Celebrity…’.
Everybody loves a villain.