1. The document discusses skill boosting conversations that can help cultivate socio-emotional intelligence in children. These conversations focus on times when children demonstrated patience, self-control, and other desired skills. 2. By focusing on past successes and the thinking that led to positive outcomes, these conversations can activate the neural pathways associated with socio-emotional skills. This makes the skills more accessible and strengthens them. 3. The document provides examples of skill boosting conversations and maps that can be used to help children recognize the skills and perspectives they used in handling challenging social situations constructively.

1. BeaudoinSkill Boosting Conversations: Cultivating socio-emotional intelligenceMarie-Nathalie Beaudoin, Ph.D.John F. Kennedy University andBay Area Family Therapy Training Associates

2. Does a problem with a child automatically means a lack of knowledge and skills?

3. It doesn’t….AngerPatienceSeeing

4. From a neuroscience perspective which learning is easier and more effective?Should adults mostly try to:- Break down the problem highwayOr-Thicken the preferred highway

5. From a neuroscience perspective, the brain’s utmost complex encoding occurs when the information discussed is:1. exciting (unusual, interesting)2. relevant (applies directly to personal life)3. associated with positive affect (pride, joy)

6. Is it even possible to discuss problem related material in a way that makes it exciting to the young person, relevant and triggers positive affect?YES!!!!

7. It is possible!Instead of dwelling on times when a young person was impatient, you can instead focus extensively on times when he or she experienced the temptation to be patientYou can BOOST the desired skill

8. If the neural pathway for the skill is rarely activated, then how can we find a skill to boost?The best way to discover those hidden and poorly articulated skills, is through conversations on successes.

9. Defining a successAn experience of maintaining integrity in the face of a potential challenge. Occurs when young people’s desires or needs could have resulted in unpleasant experience but haven’t or have in a controlled way

10. Factors to consider in a success:1. outcome: -problem solved -problem not solved 2. process: -constructive -mix between constructive and not -mostly destructive

11. Take the story of SamSam is a 3rd grade student disliked by most for his mean comments and gestures. He is in particular openly at war with an assertive girl who stands up to him.One day, students were supposed to write a comment on each other’s “planet project” poster board. Sam refused to write any comment on the board of his well-known class enemy.

12. Sam: I’m angry, Eva wrote a mean comment about my planet project.MN: What did she write?Sam (angry): She wrote “Whaaaat??” like it was a crappy project, everyone knows we’re enemiesMN: So what did you do?Sam: I asked her why she wrote that but she just shrugged and walked away.MN: She shrugged and walked away? Was that upsetting?Sam: Yeah, I thought of saying something mean but I didn’t.MN (curious): You didn’t say anything mean?Sam: No, and then I thought of writing something really really mean on her project...but I didn’t…

13. MN: You didn’t? What kept you from doing that?Sam (thinking): I don’t know….Euh…I guess I didn’t want to do that, because then I’d be just like her. I thought it would be more mature to not do that.MN: So you thought it would be more mature. What did you do to avoid writing a mean comment?Sam: I tried to stay away from her project and do all the other ones, slowly, hoping I would not have time to comment on hers. And it worked, I didn’t have time for hers’!!MN: It worked! Was there anything that you were thinking that helped you stay away from hers’?Sam: I’m not sure…MN: What may have been going around in your mind while you stayed away from her project?Sam (thinking): I thought everyone would think that I’m the one who’s mean and then I might get in trouble. I didn’t want that.MN: You thought of what would happen after, like the consequences sort of?Sam (slowly): Yeah, I thought I would be the strongest if I didn’t write anything mean and not writing at all seemed like the lowest mean I could do.MN: So if you actually had to write something it would have been hard to resist the temptation to write a mean comment; not writing at all was the safest way to stay at the lowest mean possible?Sam (smiling): Yeah!MN: How do you call that part of you that thought of the lowest mean and the consequences?Sam (proud): The mature part of me!

14. What are the effects of simply “boosting” existing skills and knowledges?From a neuroscience point of view, there are dramatic differences between skill boosting and skill teaching

17. Skill Boosting Map1. Intention (shrinking the problem)2. The kind of person you tried to be3. What was helpful to remember about other person (visible & invisible)4. Effects

18. The airplane metaphor Others Luggage(effects)IntentionsSelf

19. Brain Powers ProjectInvite students to discover their very own five brain powers:1. Shrinking power2. Double Vision3. Preference power4. Foresight5. Cycle-sight6. Mindsight

20. Double visionInvisibles:PersonalContextualRelationalHistoricalSituational Past Present

21. Different types of “Invisibles”Personal (related to age or physical limit)Relational (shared past experiences)Contextual (current life of the person)Historical (distant past)Situational (specific circumstance)

22. How is the Brain Powers project facilitated?1. Works with students’ real and lived experiences that they choose to share (success slips, class discussions)2. Humor, entertaining activities (props, costumes, skits, invisible ink)3. Cultivate a class culture of calm, appreciation and tolerance

23. Brain MapLetting goShe’s my friendIt’s fine, OkNot a big dealDon’t want to get her madIt’s just a gameSee her: friendSee self: acceptingEffects: funMad FeelingsShe’s being meanNot supposed to be in front of lineYell at herMake her feel badArgue with herSee her: not friendSelf becomes: meanEffects: fight for 2 weeks

24. Accumulative effects1. Enhanced self-awareness & ability for reflection 2. Perception of others in multi-facetted way which makes empathy possible3. Ability to choose from a vaster repertoire of responses and make informed decisions based on values4. Intrinsic motivation

25. For more:The SKiLL-ionaire in Every Child: Boosting Children’s Socio-Emotional Intelligence Using the Latest in Brain Research (2010). Goshawk Publ.Responding to the culture of Bullying & Disrespect: New Perspectives on Compassion, Collaboration and Responsibility (2009). Corwin Press.

26. Help children feel that they are skilled & capable