Davide and his new producer Eric travel to Africa to film a nature documentary after Davide's previous producer was injured. Eric proves to be reckless and incompetent, drugging the sound technician Mike and nearly getting the crew killed by a rhino he provoked. After many mishaps and near disasters, they run out of film and return home, with Davide hoping to salvage something from the botched trip.

1. AFRIKALAND
Scene 1: (A video of nature in the amazon rainforest is shown narrated by Davide
Attenbourahrah {Duncan}. The video then shows Davide standing beside a lake talking
about the alligators which reside there. All is going very well until in the background the
producer[called Andy] is horribly mauled by an alligator, the camera stays on Davide as he
narrates what is happening and then the cameraman cuts the video off.) END OF SCENE 1
Scene 2: (The set is configured into the shape a waiting room with an office to the side. This
is the BBC headquarters and Davide is here to talk to the Production Directors {Matthew and
David}.)
ProDir1: Please do come in!
(Davide walks in gingerly and sits in front of the smartly dressed Directors)
ProDir2: How are you feeling Mr Attenburrow?
Davide: I’m still a bit dishevelled over poor Andy… and it’s Attenbourahrah.
ProDir1: We both understand that all of the crew were shaken by Andy’s horrible incident
but do not fret, he is in stable condition and is in good hands.
Davide: Oh thank goodness! That means we can publish our documentary, right?
ProDir2: Erm... Not exactly Mr Attenborrohroh. Due to potential lawsuits from Andy and his
family and other malarkey, we can’t publish the documentary.
Davide: Oh… it’s Attenbourahrah!
ProDir1: But don’t worry. We have decided that you should make a new documentary with
another, fresh producer!
Davide: Ah! Splendid! All is not lost. Who is this new producer?
ProDir1: He’s called Eric Clear and he’s a big shot all the way from America!
ProDir2: He’s just coming this way the now. You’re going to love him Mr Attensionrahrah.
Davide: It’s Attenbourahrah!
(At this point during the scene the new producer called Eric Clear {Gillespie} barges into the
office.)
Eric: Hello, hello, hellooooo ladies! How is it going ON?

2. ProDir1: Ah hello Eric, may I introduce to you Davide here.
Eric: Pleasure to meet you! (Violently shakes Davide’s hand) So I heard you’re my MAIN
MAN?
Davide: …You’re what pardon?
Eric: My MAIN MAN! My TOP PERFORMER! My STAR! My HOMBRE! My NARRATOR!
Davide: Oh I see! Yes I suppose I’m your “Main Man”.
ProDir1: It seems you two will get on just fine then! We’ve booked your tickets and you’ll be
off in 2 weeks’ time!
ProDir2: We bid you good luck and happy travels Mr Clear and Mr Attbourahrooh.
Davide: It’s-*sigh*
(Davide and Eric leave the “office” and walk into the waiting area.)
Davide: So tell me Eric. What place shall we base a documentary on?
Eric: That’s easy… AFRIKALAND!
Davide: … I’m sorry?
Eric: AFRIKALAND!
Davide: Do you mean Africa?
Eric: Yeah! Yeah! Afrikaland with a K!
Davide: Oh dear…
END OF SCENE 2
Scene 3: (The crew has arrived in Africa including Davide, MikeTheSoundMicGuy {David} and
Bruce the Guide {Matt} waiting for Eric to arrive.)
Mike: Hey Davide. Is this new producer guy any good?
Davide: Honestly? I don’t like him. He’s too… Spunky…
Bruce: Come on Davide give him a chance. I bet he’s an alright guy.
(Eric enters)
Eric: There’s my hombre! AND my awesome crew!

3. Davide: Ah… hello Eric. I hope you had a pleasant flight. Here is the crew…
(Eric points at Mike)
Eric: Name?
Mike: Umm… Mike.
Eric: Job?
Mike: I’m the microphone guy…
Eric: Mike… microphone… MIKEYMIKE! Get it? Because your name sounds like your job?
HAHAHAHAHA!!
Mike: (nervous) Heh… heh…
(Points at Bruce)
Eric: What’s your name big man?
Bruce: Bruce.
Eric: (Bad Australian accent) G’day mate! I’ve always wanted to work with an Aussie!
Bruce: … I’m South African.
Eric: Pfffft… Tomatoe, Tomato. Let’s get going!
(Eric dashes off)
Bruce: I hate him already…
END OF SCENE 3
Scene 4: (Half video, half play segment. Recording will be playing at the same time as the
play on the projector screen.) (Start of filming begins, In the middle of the African Savannah.
Mike is holding up the microphone, Bruce is keeping a watch and Eric is behind the camera.)
Eric: (Filming) –aaaand... ACTION!
Davide: And here we have is a Riverine Rabbit burrow under this long dead tree trunk.
Suffice to say that although the Riverine Rabbit’s burrow is quite-
(Microphone hits Davide on the head)
Mike: Oh dear. Sorry Davide!

4. Davide: Oh that is quite alright, just be careful, that thing packs quite a wallop!
Eric: KEEP ROLLING.
Davide: Oh, Erm… okay. The Riverine Rabbit’s burrow is quite deep due to the African
savannah’s roasting heat during the day and that the poor rabbit can’t stand-
(Microphone hits Davide again)
Mike: I’m so… sorry mate…
Davide: Look just be careful will you?!
Mike: Yup…
Eric: STILL ROLLING.
Davide: Honestly? Oh lord… The rabbit cannot stand the blazing hot temperatures of day so
they retreat during the day to their deep, cool homes. At night they are free to leave their
burrows and-
(The Microphone hits Davide yet again)
Davide: ARGH!!
Mike: So… sorry…
Davide: What the blazes is the matter with you today Mike!?
(Mike collapses and snores)
Davide: Mike? Mike?? Are you okay!?
(Eric bursts out laughing)
Davide: Why are you laughing? He’s just collapsed!
Eric: Hehehe… I got you guys good there! He’s alright I just put some sleeping pills in his
morning coffee and BAHM.
Davide: You what!?!
Eric: Heeeey… It’s all about bonding and stuff! I just wanted break the ice yah know?
Davide: What are you, FIVE??
Eric: Relax, he’ll be fine. Jokes over now, let’s get back to that wombat stuff or something…
END OF SCENE 4

5. Scene 5: (In a hotel room, Mike is out stretched on the “sofa” and wakes up with Davide and
Bruce beside him.)
Mike: What… happened?
Davide: Well… it’s a long story…
Bruce: You were drugged.
Mike: WHAT?!
Davide: With sleeping pills! Nothing major! It was just Eric’s way of breaking the ice and
having a joke with all of us!
Mike: He is a nutter.
Bruce: Why him?
Davide: Believe me I know. I knew he would be trouble the first time I saw him… but sorry
guys he’s all we got and without him, we don’t get our documentary.
Bruce: But what if, let’s say he “accidentally” got mauled by a cheetah-
Davide: NO BRUCE.
Bruce: Come on! Just a little scratch-
Davide: NO.
Bruce: …fine.
(Mike gets up and leaves with Bruce as Eric walks in)
Eric: So how’s Mikeymike?
Davide: Aside from the fact you gave him enough sleeping pills to knock out a
hippopotamus, he’s doing alright.
Eric: Good! That’s that settled then!
Davide: Eric?
Eric: Yeah, NAR-A-TOR?
Davide: What Documentaries have you worked on before?
Eric: Oh you know man BIG ONES! Transformers! Robocop 6! Die Hard 4!
Davide: Documentaries Eric. Not films!

6. Eric: Oh documentawhats… let me see……….. none.
Davide: None…
Eric: Zippo!
Davide: I see… excuse me one moment…
(Davide goes off stage and yells “OH GOD” and walks back on)
Davide: Thank you.
Eric: No problem, STAR!
END OF SCENE 5
Scene 6: (The Savannah again and it is just Bruce and Eric on stage whilst Davide and Mike
have a break)
Eric: So Bruce. Ever shot a dude?
Bruce: Excuse me?
Eric: You know? Popped a fool? Capped they’re butt?
Bruce: So you’re asking me. A former South African Guard Lieutenant who was in the army
for 10 years and is holding a rifle right now that, “Have I ever shot a dude?”
Eric: Yeah!
Bruce: No, no I haven’t.
Eric: Really?
Bruce: OF COURSE I HAVE YOU IDIOT!
Eric: Woah! Woah! Woah! Duuuuuuuude… take a chill pill!
Bruce: Yeah, take a brain tablet then we’ll talk…
(Silence)
Eric: Can I get a shot?
Bruce: What?
Eric: With your gun, I wanna shoot that obnoxious rhino over there.
Bruce: What!? No!
Eric: C’mon man!

7. Bruce: Are you insane!!?
(Eric grabs the gun from Bruce)
Bruce: STOP!
(He fires to the right of the stage as Davide and Mike enter from the left)
Davide: What on earth is going on here!
Mike: We heard shots!
(A great roar and snort is heard)
Eric: Oooooooh… crap…
Davide: RHINO!!!!
Mike: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!!
(Everyone runs off stage P.S. If possible will get someone to make gigantic rhino cut out and
make it chase us. IF POSSIBLE)
END OF SCENE 6
Scene 7: (Possibly the next day in the Savannah again, Mike and Davide are talking)
Mike: This isn’t turning out so well is it?
Davide: You’ve been drugged, I’ve got a head covered in bandages and we all nearly got
killed by a berserk rhino, all in all, no it hasn’t gone well.
Mike: Well at least this is the last bit of the documentary eh?
Davide: It may be the last bit of our lives if we’re not careful.
Mike: Do you think the BBC would even broadcast it?
Davide: At this point, I just want to get away from the madman, go get your microphone,
Producer Insano is here.
(Eric enters along with Bruce and Mike gets his Mic)
Eric: We ready to finish this bad boy off?
Davide: Are you ready not to finish us off?
Eric: Hey! Yesterday was an isolated case okay? I was hyper.
Bruce: You shot a rhino!

8. Eric: Let’s not get bogged down in the past guys… Forget all that evil energy from
yesterday… Let your body loosen out and calm your soul… Let your mind come to rest and
your body become one with on another…
Mike: Are you high?
Eric: Shhhhh… Silence my little angel child, no more questions, let’s just relax.
Mike: No, seriously ARE YOU HIGH?
Eric: C’mon Mikeymike! We’re supposed to be calming down here and bonding with one
another!
(Davide checks the camera)
Davide: We’ll no need to… We’re out of film.
Eric: Ah.
Davide: Looks like we’re heading home gentlemen and …Eric…
Bruce: Huh! Suits me fine.
Mike: Great idea, home it is!
END OF SCENE 7
Scene 8: (The crew is at the airport and they are saying their fare wells)
(Bruce comes up to Davide and shakes his hand)
Davide: Thanks for sticking by Bruce.
Bruce: No problem, tell Andy to get better FAST ok?
Davide: I will.
Bruce: By the way… you want me to arrange an “accident” for-
Davide: NO, No no no… Bye Bruce.
Bruce: Tah.
(Bruce exits on the right and Eric offers his hand to shake and Bruce just walks past)
(Mike comes up to Davide and shakes his hand)
Mike: Good luck with the documentary mate… and “him”.
Davide: Cheerio my good friend, hope all of those pills got slept out right?

9. Mike: I will never sleep again… Bye old mate.
(Mike exits right and Eric offers to hug him, he pushes him out of the way)
Eric: Do you think you’re boys liked me?
Davide: Do vegans find a bib-mac delicious. NO.
Eric: Come on man! Be honest with me! What do you think?
Davide: What I think? I hate you and all you stand for. I hate your stupid face, I hate your
stupid accent, I hate your stupid mind, I hate your stupid ideas and I hate your stupid
documentary.
Eric: Hey! The documentary is going to be THE BOMB! Just you wait and see!
Davide: *sigh* let’s go, our plane is coming.
END OF SCENE 8
Scene 9 FINAL: (Back in the BBC Head Quarters. Davide and Eric are waiting in the waiting
room as the Production Directors judge their documentary)
ProDir1: Come in.
(Davide and Eric come in the “Office” and sit down)
ProDir1: So. What do you have to say for yourselves…?
Davide: I can explain…
ProDir1: Can you?
Davide: …no sir…
Eric: It was just hard work from me and my MAIN MAN over here!
ProDir1: Really…
ProDir1: Tell us this then… HOW DID YOU MAKE IT SO HILARIOUS?
ProDir2: I swear we could not stop laughing; I love how you made it seem like a serious
documentary but then turned it into a disaster parody!
ProDir1: We will air this immediately and I guarantee you both you’ll get high ratings and
you Mr Clear! Will definitely be called apon again!
ProDir2: Mr Attenbourah, I never knew were such a good actor!

10. Davide: I see… Gentlemen, will you excuse me?
(Davide walks off the stage and shouts “WHHHYYYY” and the play ends)
END OF SCENE 9
END OF PLAY
Actors and Roles
Duncan Canny – Davide Attenbourahrah
Gillespie Crerar – Eric Clear
David Clarkson– MikeTheSoundMicGuy
Production Director 2
Michael LaRoux – Bruce the Hunter
Production Director 1