A father's speech for his son at his son's rehearsal dinner. Very funny and interesting turn of events for both men. A great story.

1. This was written for a friend, Bob Childs, who spoke at his son's
rehearsal dinner.
One behalf of the Childs and Seewann families, I would like to offer a toast to
everyone here for sharing your time and making a commitment to join us this
weekend for Ryan and Julie’s wedding.
I ask that you bear with me through this presentation as I may need to depend
on notes. Also, please hold your questions and comments. There will be plenty
of time for Q&A.
When I began to consider what I would say to you this evening, I was stuck to
find the right words to describe Ryan. He truly has been more than a son. He’s
been a tried and true best friend. And when I look at his life, our lives and who
he’s become, I am taken aback in more ways than I can possible tell you.
One of my fondest memories was when we where with his scout troop
climbing Mount Manadnock in New Hampshire. He was timid little boy and, as
we climbed, I had to guide him and encourage him to keep going. I often told
Ryan where to put his feet and hands so that we could keep moving.
As his life progressed, it seems as if Ryan kept finding and reaching for new
mountains to climb. I can recall the time Ryan decided to take karate lessons
when he was 10 and I decided to join him. I soon realized that if I wanted to
see the age of 50, better yet, if the instructor wanted to see 50, then I should
bow out. At one point, after some quick moves, I found myself strangling the
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2. instructor. After that, I told Ryan I think I’ll keep out of the dojo and stick to real
estate.
Ryan, on the other hand, kept at it. Now, at some point, a karate student
reaches a fork in the road by choosing a practice to study. One is more about
maintaining forms, much like in yoga. The other option is sparring. Ryan did
both. And the amazing part is he excelled in each winning tournaments for
many years.
In addition, his instructor asked Ryan to assist him. So at the young age of 14,
Ryan worked with 30 and 40 year olds as an instructor. And the irony of the
story is that Ryan couldn’t get his black belt until he was 16. Two day after his
birthday, mission accomplished.
Although he had a great karate chop, academia was not his strong suit. So,
during his senior year of high school, Ryan decided it was best to do a post-
graduate year at a private school. As we traveled to different places, we visited
Phillips Andover - a well known institution around the world. Notable names
that attended are Humphrey Bogart, George Bush and Friday Night Lights
author H.G. Buzz Bizzinger.
Yet, after the visit, Ryan looked at me and said, “You know Dad, I don’t think
this is the place for me. It will be too much like high school.” And with that, he
chose Deerfield Academy, which has been around for over 200 years.
When Ryan went to school, he left a boy and came home a man. It was a
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3. transformation unlike I had ever seen in anyone. It created a new dynamic to
our relationship, and fueled an already vibrant ambition in him, the likes that
boosted my own sense of pride ten-fold. This singular experience seemed to
set the stage for the rest of his life. He was someone looking for even more
rigorous and jagged peaks to climb.
Yet, make no mistake. Ryan was not a perfect child. l recall a time when he
and his friend, Bronson, proceeded to light fireworks in Ryan's bedroom.
In case you have a penchant to try such stunts, let me tell you this is full of
risk, danger and stupidity. Although I don’t recall punishing Ryan for his antics;
we weren’t so quick to throw away his carpet. It became a prompt reminder
that firing Roman candles at anything indoors is not sound fire prevention.
On a side note, Bronson could not be with us this weekend as he had a
scheduling conflict. Please see more about him in your Play Book.
The final story I will tell is from after Ryan’s graduation. For his gift, Ryan had
the option of a motorcycle or traveling with his friends. To my surprise, he
opted to go somewhere with me.
Seeing that Ryan is an anthoropology major, he originally wanted to climb
Machupichu in Peru. After doing his research, I quickly said “NO”. I learned
that we were climbing ten to twelve thousand foot peaks while carrying
seventy-five pound packs. For sure, this was going to be a death trip for dear
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4. ole’ dad.
We ended up in Alberta, Canada. It’s a wonderful place filled with crisp air,
great mountainous scenery and elk that attack. We went during the elk’s
rutting season. At one point, we found ourselves a little to close to a bull. We
saw him in his mating “ritual” of swinging his antlers and urinating frequently.
We decided to get the hell out of there before we were mistaken for one of his
breeding harem.
Needless to say, what I was excited about was doing something manly with
my son while I prayed the climbing would be quick. I said to myself, "Okay,
we’ll climb this mountain range and live in tents. Then, it’s back to Calgary and
a five star hotel."
When we climbed the mountain together, I felt so proud, and in a way sad.
This time, it was me being timid and Ryan telling me where to put my feet and
helping to carry the load on my pack. In a moment of clarity, I saw my role in
Ryan’s life changing. The natural progression of him moving forward on his
own, climbing his peaks continues with his marriage to Julie. With Ryan’s
ambition and Julie’s passion for helping others, I know you will have the life
you create together.
Julie, you have endeared yourself to our family and friends, and now that
you’re living on the east coast, I am looking forward to sharing many more
times with you.
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5. When thinking back on my life with Ryan, there are too many stories to tell
here. I could tell you about our stargazing, another bull running at us at our
local ball field, our football times, lacrosse games, kayaking in Idaho,
horseback riding and, of course, our trip to the summer Olympics in Atlanta.
So before I take a back seat, here are some life-long lesson’s I learned:
First, when life is frantic, stop and be a guest in your own life. Step outside of
yourself and observe the reality of your world. See the relationships,
particularly with Julie, and notice how you're living, communicating, behaving,
cooking, dressing, working, committing and responding. It’s so important. It will
help you stay grounded, friendly, cooperative and consoling. It will help you
measure your performance as a man and make changes so that you can have
the family and individual life you want.
On top of that, check-in with Julie every day. Simply ask, “Are you okay,” and
she should do the same. All of this will reinforce a bond that only you two
share. It's a moment when you can put down life's pressures and facades and
be completely vulnerable. Remember, this is what brought you together.
Most important, never go to bed angry, clear the air, get it out, understand one
another’s position and come to an agreement that you both can be happy with.
You’ll hit the sack with a smile on your face, relaxed and even more loving to
one another than before.
As you both know, we took your dog, Cooper, into our home and he quickly
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6. earned the name, Pooper, because he chose to do his business in my closet.
As you go off on your honeymoon, be at ease that Pooper will be well taken
care of. We have the toys ready, the dog dish filled and the territory pre-
marked.
So let us raise our glass and have a proper send off to Ryan and Julie. From
the Childs family, congratulations to both of you, we love you and wish you the
very best. Oh, and by the way Ryan, during your matrimonial mountain climb,
the instructions will come from Julie and they won't be "put your foot here and
your hand here". If I were you, I'd get use to it.
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