2. Breakup Medicine
10 Exercises for Healing your Heart
(A free preview version. Full version has 21 exercises.)
Matjaz Trontelj
2013, All rights reserved.
www.breakupmedicine.com
All photos except the Earth image by D Sharon Pruitt.
Earth image by NASA.
3. Contents
Exercises 7
Focus on the path, not on the obstacle. 8
Find the magic hidden in your senses. 10
You don’t need a reason to love yourself. 12
Let confusion guide you. 14
You will survive. No, strike that! You will thrive! 16
You are the hero in this movie. 18
OMG! I did something stupid! 20
Your self-worth doesn’t depend on others. 22
Everyone deserves happiness – except you! 24
Don’t poison your own soup… 26
Action Tips 29
About the iPhone & iPad App 32
4. Hi, there!
First of all, I’m truly sorry that you are going through difficult times!
But you should know one thing—no matter how hard the situation
is right now—you will be ok. You will come out of this stronger and
wiser.
How do I know?
It is clear that you are not the type person to wallow in despair, or
you would never have found this book. You are actively searching
for a solution, for ways to grow from this experience.
Which brings us to the book.
It has 21 exercises that will help you heal your heart.
Healing a broken heart can only be done by using the healing
powers of the heart: loving yourself, becoming friends with your
emotions, connecting with nature, gratefulness, and kicking yourself
in the butt when you become too pathetic…
Each exercise gives you something to think about; some also give
you something to do. Most of them involve writting emails to
4
5. yourself. Keep these emails unopend in your inbox and read them
later, for example the next day. These emails also serve as a journal.
At the end of the book are a couple of pages with action tips.
Action tips are suggestions for activities that you can do to make
you feel better. A lot of tips involve hanging out with your friends
and family, having fun as well as ridding your life of clutter and
organizing your life.
Best way to choose an action tip is to close your eyes and randomly
point your finger at one.
Daily exercises and action tips work in balance. Exercises are
focused inward, while suggested actions help you take your mind off
the breakup and gain control of your life through physical and social
activity.
This book is just one piece in the mosaic of your recovery and
it doesn’t cover everything. It is a great addition to the support
provided by your friends and family, to taking care of your body,
socializing, pursuing your hobbies and seeking professional help if
you need it.
5
6. We also have a iPhone and iPad mobile app with all the exercises
and action tips. The app gives you daily assignments and it lets you
create posters with your own photos and messages of recovery or
with your own notes. Check it out!
Wish you a speedy bounce-back!
Matjaz
p.s. I would love to hear from you about your experience with this
book and the mobile app. What worked for you? What didn’t?
Together we can make them even better!
p.s.s. These exercises are based on the methods I use in my life
when difficult times hit. I thought they might be useful to others as
well. Many of them can be used even without a breakup :)
6
8. Focus on the path,
not on the obstacle.
Exercise 1
9. Despite all the uncertainty in your life right now,
a couple of things are clear:
1. You will be ok.
2. It will take time.
You have the time you need.
Be patient. You can’t solve all your problems at once.
Do today whatever feels comfortable, delegate the rest
to the future you.
Amazing opportunities are waiting for you.
You’ll change and grow.
The exciting new chapter of your life just began.
Every day brings something new.
Remember, it is break UP, not break DOWN.
TO DO: Write an “I’ll be fine” email to yourself. And mention why.
Not convinced? Just make up some fun scenarios: “I’ll be fine
because space fairies will visit me one day and give me a magic
massage.” Btw, your ex’s name should not be mentioned in this
story.
9
11. Fighting against unwanted thoughts is like trying to subdue waves
by jumping in the water. They only get stronger. The more you try to
stop thinking about your ex, the harder it becomes. Stop trying. Just
leave those same old boring thoughts as they are. They don’t deserve
your attention.
At the same time bring more attention to sensations in your body.
Repetitive thinking about your ex can’t compare to the magic
hidden in your senses.
Feel the freshness of licking an ice-cream scoop, the playfulness of
tickling your bare foot, the wind swirling through your hair.
Become a curious explorer “Oh, I wonder how that would feel!”
Then go ahead and try it.
TO DO: Look around yourself; find something you could explore.
Open the fridge and feel the wave of coldness embracing your body.
Or go outside and walk barefoot on grass. Write an email to yourself
about it.
11
13. I love myself, because… Stop. That’s blackmail, not love!
I love myself. No questions asked.
TO DO:
A. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say: “I
love you.” Do it at least eight times per day.
B. Browse through photos of yourself, from the time you were a
cute kid till now. Forget that this is you. With kindness observe this
unique human being, yearning for happiness with every breath he
or she takes, deserving love.
Again, write an email to yourself as a reminder. Leave it at the top of
the inbox, unopened for a couple of days.
13
15. Should I call him? Or not? Should we get back together? Should we
stay apart?
Confusion is a clear sign that you should not do the thing you are
confused about. Don’t call your ex. Don’t get back together.
Confusion is telling you that you should stick with the choices you
made.
Once you get back on your feet, once your heart and mind are clear,
you can re-evaluate everything. Confusion is telling you to wait until
then. Trust it.
TO DO: Whenever you feel the pressure to decide something but
can’t think clearly about it write an email to the future you: “Dear
Future <My Name>, here are a couple of things that are bothering
me. Please take care of them when you can…” And then relax – you
passed the difficult task to someone else.
Once your confusion clears away you can even reply to these emails.
15
17. You had your life before you met her. You were laughing and
playing (you were a kid once, right?).
You have your life now, after she is gone. You will laugh again, soon.
And re-learn how to play, in case you forgot.
Grass rests under the heavy snow cover in winter. In spring it grows
again, nourished by the water of melted snow. Nature is resilient,
indestructible. If grass can do it, so will you!
TO DO: Go outside for a walk; find an example of this force of
nature. Connect with it. Write to yourself about it.
17
19. This is your life. It’s not about your ex. It’s about you.
Forget about making him suffer less. You are not the person who
can help with that. Forget about making him suffer more. He will
reap the consequences of his actions regardless of what you do.
The plane you’re flying in lost cabin pressure and oxygen masks
have dropped from the ceiling. Put the mask on your face first.
Check if it is working. Only then you can start helping others.
Now is the time you take care of yourself. Remember, being selfish
is good at this point.
TO DO: Write an email to yourself about all the different ways you
need to take care of yourself. And about how you WILL do that. “I
need to keep my body healthy and strong. I’ll go for a walk every
day. Oh, and I’ll invite one of my friends to join me. And I’ll start
making head stands again. Once I was so good at it…”
19
21. Really?! Join the club!
What is done is done. Life has no Undo function — fortunately! It is
much more interesting this way.
TO DO:
The first step: Stop worrying. Imagine looking at the Earth from
space. You are just a tiny dot! Your mistakes can’t even be seen from
up there. So, relax. The world will not end because of your mistake.
The second step: Can you do something to make things better? If
you yelled at your mom, apologize to her. If you slept with your ex,
just let it go. It happens.
The third step: What can you learn from this? Do you need to pay
more attention to something? How will you avoid repeating the
same mistake?
21
23. Did she ever really love me?
It doesn’t matter now. If she didn’t it is her loss. You can only be
responsible for what you do; for being honest with your feelings.
Don’t let others decide your worth. Be yourself. Be free.
TO DO: Think about all the times in the past when you worried
about what others think of you; of all the times when you were not
yourself because of it. Doesn’t it all look silly now, looking back?
After all, we are all the same, just human beings. Nobody’s opinion
is any more valuable than your own.
Bring this insight into the present moment – is something similar
going on right now? The time for you to be yourself, to be free, is
right NOW. You won’t get any other chance.
23
25. Just kidding. You are not that special. :)
The purpose of life is to be happy. What does that mean to you?
TO DO: Send an email to yourself: What is happiness for you? And
then add “I deserve to...” Feel stuck? Just start with simple stuff,
like “I deserve a scoop of ice-cream! I deserve to have an umbrella
when it’s raining...”
25
27. …with hatred and bitterness.
Perhaps you are hurt and angry. It is natural and normal to be
upset. Don’t try to subdue anger by pretending to be a nice guy or
gal.
Thinking, “We separated as friends. It was a mature thing to do. His
cheating on me was just a wakeup call…” while clenching your teeth
and fists doesn’t work.
Let the anger run its course.
But at the same time, be aware that you are the one who carries the
burden of these emotions. While you are simmering in the spicy
sauce of anger, he might be enjoying herself, totally unaffected by
your condition.
So, let these emotions run their course without inviting them to
stay. They are like a good action movie – exciting to watch, but you
wouldn’t want to actually be there.
TO DO: When you are overwhelmed by a strong emotion, look up
to the sky, take a photo of a cloud and email it to yourself saying
something like, “Anger. Just passing by.”
27
28. Want More?
The full version of the book has 21 exercises and
three pages of action tips.
The suggested price is $5,
but you can pay as much as you want.
Download the Full Version
with 21 Exercises
or
Get the Mobile App for iPhone & iPad
29. Action Tips
Close your eyes, point your finger at one. Then go and do it!
(Full version of the book has three pages of action tips)
30. Go out with a friend for a coffee, lunch or a cocktail.
Ask your friend how they are doing.
Invite yourself to a delicious dinner. Eat out or cook by
yourself. Bonus points if you invite friends over.
Watch a childrenʼs movie, one that brings back happy
childhood memories.
Clean your apartment. Throw away the trash. Wash
the dishes and get that pile of laundry done. Get rid of
your exʼs stuff.
Make room for the new. Pack stuff you donʼt need,
give it away or put it in storage.
Treat yourself to a massage, or two, or three. They feel
good and boost your spirits.
Is it time for a new hair-do?
Make plans for renovating your apartment. It doesnʼt
matter if you actually do it.
Go to the gym, or go for a walk in the park.
Call your friends. Go dancing. Be wild!
32. Breakup Medicine - 21 Creative Exercises for
Healing your Heart
Download our iPhone and iPad app with all
asignments and action tips.
Daily asignments
and action tips.
Create posters with your
photos, healing messages
and your notes.
Works great on
iPhone and iPad.
