As your employer, the U.S. Citizens submit this counseling statement to all individuals seeking election. Overall, employee performance the past decade has been dis-satisfactory and requires immediate improvement. Learn more at http://goo.gl/6zACRT

1. “ELECTED OFFICIALS FAILED
PERFORMANCE REVIEW”… MUST WATCH

2. INTRODUCTION
To: All Elected Officials
From: Your Employer, U.S. Citizen
Date: October 21, 2014
Re: Performance Review and Employee Counseling Statement
As your employer, the U.S. Citizens submit this
counseling statement to all individuals seeking
election. Overall, employee performance the past
decade has been dissatisfactory and requires
immediate improvement. This counseling statement
will be added to your permanent file and should be
consulted frequently if you wish to keep your job. All
new applicants should heed these performance
requirements.

3. We have listed nine areas
that need immediate
improvement and suggest
you review the same prior
to November 4th, 2014.
Your public
acknowledgement of
deficiencies in job
performance is necessary
to determine your future
employment. Failure to
acknowledge this
counseling statement may
result in your immediate
replacement.

5. Remember why we hired
you:
You campaigned hard for the
position and spent a fortune.
We hired you because we
believed you were sincere
about working to meet the
needs of our country, not so
you could become rich and
famous. Be sure your
advertisements include your
achievements, we are not
interested in how
methodically you can tear
apart your opponent.

7. Work Hard:
Based on our observations, the country and parts of
the world are a real mess. We expect you to focus on
solving the country’s challenges, not focusing on
partisanship, parties, and perks.

8. Work within the confines of
the U.S. Constitution:
The Constitution is not
some outdated document
to ignore when you wish to
advance your agenda. It is
the foundation of the Rule
of Law in our great land.
You took an oath to
defend the Constitution
against all enemies, both
foreign and domestic. We
expect you to honor that
oath!

10. Work well with each other:
We are sick and tired of the bullying and partisan
behavior in Washington. There is much work to be
done. We require you to speak civilly with one
another. Displaying smirks, sneers or showboating
for personal gain or “name recognition” is not helpful
and is beneath the dignity of your office. We don’t
tolerate this type of behavior with our children and
we will not tolerate this behavior from our
employees. Find ways to seek consensus on the big
issues, and listen twice as much as you speak.

12. Spend more time working and less time trying
to get re-elected:
We understand that some
election cycles occur every
two years. Be advised we are
sympathetic to your fears of
losing your position. We
suggest you replace the motto
“you can never stop
complaining” with “you can
never stop working.” Work
hard and communicate well
with us and at reelection time
and we will gladly return you

14. Communicate honestly:
There are times when you have not been honest and
forthright, this is completely unacceptable! We expect
you to speak the truth, even when it’s inconvenient or
uncomfortable. We are not a nation of liars.
Communicate honestly with your constituency and we
will honor you for it.
Obey the Law:
When we hired you for your position, we did not grant
you a license to misbehave or break the law. As your
employers, we are compelled to obey the law, we
expect you to do so as well. We expect you to follow
the letter and the spirit of the law.

16. Admit you have an addiction to
publicity:We recognize that it is very difficult to resist the temptations of
fame and power. However, this addiction is simply not acceptable.
Pride and arrogance are to be avoided at all times. We do want
you to speak out when you have something meaningful to offer.

17. Do the right thing:
We believe if you start each day with a firm resolve to
serve the people honest and to work to the best of
your abilities, you will find your job is meaningful and
tremendously rewarding. We acknowledge there is
strong peer pressure and outright threats to pursue
someone else’s agenda. If you resist and do the right
thing for America, then we will back you up. We
respect backbone and integrity. Remember, if
everyone stays quiet when great problems arise, small
problems can grow quickly and threaten the very well
being of our citizens and our great country.

18. If you take this
counseling statement
to heart and commit to
following these
guidelines we will
eagerly support you. If
you choose to ignore
this warning we will
give another worthy
candidate the
opportunity to do
better in 2014.

19. CONCLUSION
While we hope to work with you for many years to come
we must be abundantly clear that your job performance
has been unacceptable. As such, we require you make a
clear public commitment to these basic job requirements
or we will have no choice but to replace you, either now
or at your next job review in 2016.
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