From Johannesburg to Cape Town and everything in between.

1. Photo Album by Fred Alexander

2. Lets get to the good stuff. My first day in Jo’Burg I took a trip out to Lyon Park. It’s a reserve for all kinds of African animals with a special focus on Lions. If you look at the picture closely, you will notice that people are outside the cage, lions are inside the cage… with me.

3. Needless to say, it was only a matter of minutes before they realized I was in the cage. A tussle ensued and I was attacked by these ferocious beasts. If you look closely you can see where the bottom canines almost broke skin.

4. Then we took a ride in the game reserve where wildlife enthusiast, Patricia, also known as my mom had a close encounter with the feared giant of the bush… the giraffe.

5. Jen, my lovely girlfriend, opted for a nap.

6. Ok, so we drank a little that night.

7. A few days after our encounters in Lyon park, we flew to George and began exploring the African country side. This was a zebra that acted like an ass.

8. We went to an ostrich farm, where the birds were trained to pick pockets.

9. He’ll never pick pockets again. Lesson learned.

10. Sprinkbok. This animal just stares at you and makes you feel stupid. He gave me attitude…

11. … I put him in his place.

12. The next stop was a wildcat park. I bet the cheetah’s that I could beat them in a race. If they won they got to eat me, if I won I got to pose them like they were my girlfriends. I won.

13. After the cheetah’s I went over to the tiger area. Tigers are ambush predators and I was almost ambushed…

14. … once again, I regulated and bent them to my will.

15. Ok, maybe not, it was actually Jen who kept them in line. I was scared shit.

16. Alright maybe I wasn’t scared. These guys were awesome.

17. Next stop, the bird shit sanctuary. They do a really good job of saving bird shit in here, these birds protect the bird shit. The one on my head was protecting the bird shit on my head.

18. The day ends and we get to look at this beautiful sunset over south africa.

19. Wake up the next day, step out my front door to this beautiful view.

20. If you look carefully down the path, you will see the elusive Jennis Humanis. Aslo known as my girlfriend.

21. We make our way down that winding trail and stop midway down the cliff to this view. There are tiny little people in the distance. They are actually that tiny. I know, one of them is my mom.

22. This is my “do you actually think I’m going to come back from vacation” face. That’s Jen’s “do you honestly think anything can keep fred away from work” face.

23. Mussels for dinner… right form the beach. Ok, I didn’t actually eat these, but if I was a bum… why not. How is there famine with 23948390 of these per square inch.

24. That night, before we got to our next bed and breakfast in Wilderness, South Africa, we decided to stop at the local food store to pick up some stuff for our barbeque, or braii as they call it. Everyone said to get the Mosterd, but I like vrugtesous better. (the hell is that???) Nobody wanted the Olyfolie, it wasn’t in season.

25. Made our way to the meat section, found some aas. I prefer fresh aas over frozen aas.

26. Jen grabbed the last set of Flaai Haai utility bags, man was that guy pissed. The flaii haai experience is worth fighting over.

27. On our way to the bed and breakfast, we past a field where they still practice slash and burn to make room for new crops. No wonder its so prevalent there, its beautiful.

28. This was the entrance to luxury…

29. This was our view… mere steps away from the front of our cabin.

30. This was the view from our window. Jen loved that bush.

31. Next morning it was time for the great white shark dive in Gaansbai.

32. This is me being excited about it. That is Jen forcing me to be excited about it.

33. We leave the harbor and set sail for shark alley.

34. They begin lowering our cage into the water as a shark drags another unsuspecting human to his watery grave.

35. After the dive, we drove down to Hermanus, the whale watching capital of the world.

36. We had dinner in this sea side café. Stunning.

37. My shoes got ruined on the boat, so I bought these bootleg adidas. 8 Bucks.

38. That afternoon we make it to Cape Town. In the distance is table mountain. Amazing.

39. My guesthouse suite had the Funkiest television in cape town…

40. … featuring STERO SOUND and COLOR!!!

41. After we checked in, we took a drive to the mountains behind cape town to observe this amazing view.

42. We sat for a rare Atlantic sunset.

43. My bootleg adidas were there for the occasion.

44. The fireball in the sky sinks below the horizon.

45. Next day we are off to boulder beach to swim with the penguins.

46. So pretty. (My girlfriend not the penguins.)

47. So handsome. (The penguins, not me.) The girl in the background thinks I’m stupid because I wear my initial on my wrist.

48. I was tired, I took a nap with my new friend. I tried to leave before her man got back from the ocean…

49. He found me on my way out. The woman in the background ratted me out. She stood guard while the penguin delivered his brand of bird justice.

50. Dinner in Cape Town was amazing. If you go, visit the codfather, tell him Fred thanks him for the offer that he couldn’t refuse. I owe him big time.

51. On our last day, we were up early to summit Table Mountain. South Africans are clever at naming things. Boulder beach has boulders on it. Table mountain looks like a table. Cape town does not look like a cape however which I found rather strange.

52. The local retarded wildlife atop table mountain.

53. This is me pretending that heights don’t bother me.

54. This is me telling jen to take the effing picture already.

55. This is jen making sure I fall first if anything happens.

56. Finally, the last mandatory “near death experience” photo atop table mountain.

57. Once jen gave me her sunglasses I was much happier.

58. So I decided to climb its highest point…

59. … realizing my accomplishment…

60. … I turned and pointed. A symbolic gesture signifying forward progress for man kind…

61. … then I did the hustle. A symbolic gesture signifying the devolution of man.

62. On our way down we encountered another retarded wild bear.

63. Later that day, we visited the white house for the chief executive of South Africa.

64. I tried to break in while Jen stood guard. That’s a girlfriend for you.

65. This is how you spell “no fun allowed” in south africa. I’m particularly upset about the no puking at night sign.

66. As our last day drew to a close, I was upset that I did not get to dive or snorkel cape town. I wanted to extend my vacation, but alas there were no flights left.

67. That’s me being very upset about having to leave without diving or snorkeling.

68. I looked at the water as the sun was setting and thought… “damn that water is cold.”

69. After much upsettedness, I decided my last night would not go to waste… It was 11PM, I put on my wetsuit, grabbed my gear…

70. … I grabbed my girlfriend and made her put on her gear…

71. … I gave my best rock and roll hard core face, Jen made her “I cant believe he’s making me do this” face…

72. … busted out my brand new biofins…

73. … and hit the hotel swimming pool. Yes the people in the dining room can see directly into the pool via glass. That’s jen taking her first lap.

74. Don’t let her fool you, she’s freezing.

75. Without the flash, you could see how dark it was and you can see the dining room through the window. The pool was a 1 lane pool along side the dining room.

76. Completing my 4 th lap.

77. 4 laps in with my bio fins and yes… im still freezing. The people in the dining room were thoroughly entertained.

78. A better view of the dining room from the outside looking in.

79. And again without flash.

80. Our last night in Cape Town was a success and one of the best times I had on the trip. I’m just glad my girlfriend is willing put up with my lunacy.

81. This is us on our flight back home. That is jen in the foreground, that is me pissed off in the background. THE END