In Session 5 we explore the benefits and pitfalls of goal making, striving and how goals can lift yet shift our sense of the moment and opportunities to connect inside and outside. Some goals are abstract and far away (“I want to be successful”), while others are concrete and relatively close (“I want to be done writing this article before 5 o’clock tomorrow”). This presentation explores our lives and things that can be done to plan for tomorrow, but live in the moment.
11. Radical Acceptance is letting go of fighting reality.
The term “radical” means to imply that the
acceptance has to come from deep within and has
to be complete.
Acceptance is the only way out of hell. It is the
way to turn suffering that cannot be tolerated into
pain that can be tolerated.
Radical Acceptance
2. ACCEPTANCE
15. Big part of life
1. THE BENEFITS OF GOALS
career goals (e.g. higher position)
leisure goals (e.g. holidays)
personal goals (e.g. personal development)
small goals (e.g. finishing tasks)
big goals (e.g. building a house)
16. Goals can…
1. THE BENEFITS OF GOALS
determine direction
increase motivation
build self-efficacy
enhance focus
19. Counterproductive
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
” An excessive focus on goals can have
paradoxical effects: rather than getting
closer to the goal, we find ourselves
moving away from it.
”
20. Counterproductive
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
Goal: less negative thoughts about self? -> experience lower
self-esteem (Borton, Markowitz, & Dieterich, 2005)
Goal: trying to lose weight? –> more over-eating
(Herman & Mack, 1975)
Goal: fall asleep?-> stay awake (Harvey, 2003)
23. Counterproductive
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
Now
180 lbs.
awake
no diploma
small apartment
Goal
160 lbs.
sleeping
diploma
house
DECREASED
ATTENTION FOR AND
THUS LOWER QUALITY OF
PRESENT MOMENT ACTIVITY
24. Less attention for the now
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
goals = future
future = thought
a lot of attention for goals = a lot of thoughts
25. Less attention for the now
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
The now:
= merely a way to get to the next moment
= never as important as the goal
= never good enough
26. Less attention for the now
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
value of “now” depends on goal contribution
difficult to see the true value of each moment
even “aimless” moments can be enriching
29. Fear and worry
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
” A lot of attention for goals means
that we spend a great amount of
time in our head: thinking.
”
30. Fear and worry
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
Neutral/positive thoughts:
“what is on my to-do list?”
“if I manage to…I can…”
“when shall I finish…?”
31. Fear and worry
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
Negative thoughts:
“What if I don’t succeed?”
“I am not sure if everything will work out fine.”
“I cannot permit myself to fail.”
32.
33. The happiness illusion
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
” Many goals are set because
we believe that achieving them
will make us happier
”
34. The happiness illusion
2. GOAL-RELATED PITFALLS
overestimating the anticipated impact of future
events (impact bias)
we get used to what we achieve (hedonic adaption)
short-lived happiness
38. More productivity
3. MINDFULNESS & GOALS
undivided attention for the action in this moment
less frustrated by gap between now and goal
less distracted by (negative) thoughts
39. Less fear
3. MINDFULNESS & GOALS
FEAR = False Expectations AppearingReal
fear = the thought we are not going to have
something we think we need
you can never win from fearful thoughts
40. Less fear
3. MINDFULNESS & GOALS
fear = a thought about the future = no reality/ truth
recognize fear and turn back to the present
moment
41. More gratitude
3. MINDFULNESS & GOALS
pay attention to what is VS always looking ahead
satisfaction in the now VS goal attainment satisfaction
more attention for the way to the goal: easier to see
what life has to offer
It can help to give some examples of beautiful moments here:
Maybe you were together with person you love. Maybe you were traveling, holding a newborn child, climbing a mountain or supporting a friend.
Direct your attention to one point, for instance your breath, your hands (bodyscan), and object, activity etc.
Driving the car
Walking up or down stairs
Listening to music
Having a conversation
Greeting your family when you come home
Non-striving: meditation is non-doing, non-striving, not achieving. There is no goal other than to be yourself and paying attention to whatever is happening. You are simply allowing anything to be experienced in each moment because it is there (Kabat-Zinn).