A certified Imago therapist, Dr. Herbert (“Herb”) Tannenbaum operates as an instructor at the Institute for Imago Relationship Therapy. Moreover, Dr. Herb Tannenbaum serves as the Executive Director of the Center for Effective Living in New Jersey.

1. How to Use Dialogue to Resolve
Conflict
Herb Tannenbaum

2. Introduction
• A certified Imago therapist, Dr. Herbert (“Herb”) Tannenbaum
operates as an instructor at the Institute for Imago Relationship
Therapy. Moreover, Dr. Herb Tannenbaum serves as the Executive
Director of the Center for Effective Living in New Jersey.
One of Imago therapy’s tools, “couples dialogue” consists of three
stages: mirroring, validation, and empathy. When a couple gets into
a conflict, one party can mirror the other’s anger by repeating what
he or she said. By saying, in effect, “I hear you,” the person doing the
mirroring acknowledges the other’s anger without necessarily
resorting to self-defense. Next, that same individual can validate his
or her partner’s anger, showing understanding for why the other’s
feelings might make sense. From here, the couple can delve into the
empathy phase, perhaps by asking questions about any other
feelings that the conflict may have elicited and listening carefully to
the responses.

3. Resolve Conflict
• With the dissipation of anger from non-judgmental,
non-defensive communication, the couple can
discuss from a more reasonable perspective how
they feel and what they need to make the situation
better. The couple can then decide on a concrete,
specific course of action for resolving their conflict.
Learning to solve problems with defenses lowered in
this way can help the couple not only move past
individual issues, but also evolve and grow together
in their relationship, addressing difficult power
dynamics and healing much deeper issues along the
way.